My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I get a country horn..."

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

This week we're chatting Christian Grey at Electric Picnic, Joanne the top thief, Otto's causing grief & a narcoleptic lesbian. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to the extras episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally, who looks strangely like she's wearing my top. Turn the camera off, Jo. Turn the cameras off. Oh no, something's happened to the cameras off Oh no Something's happened The camera's Where is that top from Show me

Show me the label On that top right now Immediately Excuse How dare you Excuse You Make a judgement

On me and my family It's from a shop It's It's actually My own collaboration I brought out A lot of t-shirts With I don't suppose It's from a shop. It's actually my own collaboration. I brought out a lot of t-shirts. I don't suppose it's from other stories, is it?

Looks strangely like what I have. Okay, so you're saying that I don't own a shoulder padded white t-shirt. I mean, even Jo has a shoulder padded white t-shirt. Do you know what? Do you know what, Jo? I said to her, I was like, remember that really nice... It happens to me from other stories, stories which is no let me rest assured nothing but a coincidence

I shop there regularly I wonder if she has it in black too it happens to have your name stitched into the into the undercarriage door is blood

her little needles her little hands she's needles in your name I said to her Jo I was like you remember that really oversized leather black jacket

that I had she goes oh yeah I left that in Evan Doherty's studio I'm like alright well but obviously we're in constant communication about it

so you're getting it back okay we know exactly where it is I'm excited I check in on it on the regular it's autumn now it's autumn now

so it is time I'm sick of everyone saying oh bye summer it's autumn now it's autumn now so it is time I'm sick of everyone saying oh bye summer it's roasting out there I'm absolutely scorching here in London it's not roasting in Ireland no it's not

it's that kind of amazing rain that's like it's just all you want to do is lie in bed and drink red wine it's a gorgeous springy rain

like it's warm it's not cold but it's like apocalyptic like build your arc rain it's fab and i'm out in enniscarry this is this is one of the big differences of us she wants to sit in bed and drink red wine and i want to go and suction bag my summer clothes i know i just like feeling my feelings i'm just gonna feel my feelings so tell me about enniscarry Are you loving it out there? It's gorgeous It's gorgeous It's full of middle aged men cycling

But apart from that It's absolutely gorgeous Because it's quite hilly So they all go out there When they're having their midlife crisis And they decide to turn sporty Really nice walks That's the life I want to live

I just want to have a life like that Like somewhere just a little bit far out Where you go for your walks And enjoy your life yeah that's the life I want to live I just want to have a life like that like in somewhere like just a little bit far out where you go for your walks and enjoy your life I do have I do every now and again

I have kind of I get a country horn as I call it I get a kind of a horn for country life and I think wouldn't it be lovely to just cycle around

at a penny farthing selling my own chutneys wouldn't that be nice yeah yeah I do think I'd like, I'd like to buy a house in the countryside,

I think. I mean, Enniscarry, it's not really the countryside, it's outside of Dublin, but like, it's only a hop, skip,

stone's throw. Is it the idea of the country? Is it nicer than the reality of the country? I don't know. I don't know, Jo, what do you think?

No, I like the country, mate. It's real. I'd be a chutney woman myself to be honest with you sorry I'm just I'm sitting here at the desk I usually record it and I'm after finding I couldn't find Spenny's father's day card I found his father's day banner and now I found the card and it says I hope your day is as relaxing as your life before children

that sounds kind of shady no I'll save that for next year it's like I hope your day is relaxing as it always is down to a fucking thing around the house that's what that sounds like to me listen svenny why change svenny we need to have a chat we need to why change the habit of a lifetime make sure you're relaxing father's day now like you do every fucking day a lazy bastard what's different about today huh huh is it father's day coming up no it was ages ago and I've only just found the card. Listen, it was, I got, he got his gift. He got a new neon workout wardrobe

that he wanted from Lululemon and I was thrilled because all of it was discounted. All the purples and all the greens and that's what he got and I got it for half price. Thrilled. Wow.

I would have thought Otto was the prize or the present. No, is Otto not the present for Father's Day? The new baby? No, it's a Lululemon wardrobe wow what a man you're not the only one bitching about Otto okay

oh is Otto causing shit in the house well well I don't want to be mean about my four month old child but what I will say is I was meant to be jetting off to New York and I had to cancel because Otto won't stop waking me up at night

and I'm not talking about sleep, Joanne. I'm just talking about wake-ups. Okay. Would the best thing not be to fly him to New York, get him jet lagged, fly him home and then he'll sleep through the night?

No, because he'll wake me up at one o'clock in the morning thinking it's the daytime and he'll want to go out and there's not much to do at one o'clock in the morning in New York. I could go around to get like, I don't know, there wouldn't be much to do. Go for a slice.

Go for a slice. Go for a pizza slice. I love the slices over there. God, they're so good. Yeah, go out and get a slice. Enjoy New York. Let the steam blow up your skirt from one of those grates on the ground. Yeah, well, a little vagina steam again.

What were you going to do in New York? What were you going over there for? Well, do you know what? I was going over there. I was going to see Dan. We have a friend called Dan who lives over there. I was going to walk. All I was going to do, right?

We were staying in a nice hotel. I was going to really like properly chill out. I was going to go and eat as much food as I could. So go for breakfast. Then as soon as there was like a slight room in my stomach, I'd pick up a pizza slice. Then I was going to go get one of my favorite sandwiches from the sandwich place over there then I was going to go to a deli like I was going to literally just eat my way around New York and spend four

days eating and buying new runners and and that was it and now it's ruined I would have loved if you'd done that because I would have sent you into you know, that Insta account we love going, you didn't actually eat that. It's full of these like fitness models with like balancing cupcakes over their mouth being like, ah, I ate 12 cupcakes today. You didn't,

you're a hell Sheila. Fuck off. You didn't eat a single cupcake. Do you want to hear some of our emails? Sure. Okay. Hi, J and V,

slight background to this story. I am now, I now have a diagnosed health condition which i didn't back then to explain the situation one of the most humiliating experiences of my life came when i was in uni and seeing this lad we were back at mine having some fun and i was the one doing all the work on top all of a sudden i get super dizzy i stopped moving and pass out right there on top of him. The poor lad must have freaked the fuck out because I woke up in the same position

to him shouting my name and tapping my face. I came around feeling dreadful, slightly confused, and then realized that his dick was still inside me. Well, that's a plus. He was great about it, but safe to say, I was questioning my sexuality back then. And that experience sealed the lesbian deal for me love the pod can't wait to see joanne live in cardiff l so hang on i mean

did she pass out because she was a lesbian or sorry like the focus what we need to focus on is warwick not cardiff warwick you need to go to warwick okay sorry i meant cardiff well said love the pod can't wait to see you in Warwick because it's going to be brilliant brilliant

so she obviously had some form of narcolepsy passed out on top of your man I would have passed that off if I was if a man well we know Prada Peter falls asleep

all the time but if I'd be like oh my god it could be understood to be that you're climaxed

so intensely that you literally knocked yourself out yeah sheer joy running through your body i say there's also like if you've ever kind of fainted i've fainted before like you you look you don't look well you don't look like you're climaxing you look you look very unwell i'd say that'd be hard to pass that off as an orgasm like oh it's just organizing are you sure because your eyes were rolling into the back of your head yeah yeah yeah have you never had an eye you know when you're you know when you're like your head's spinning around and all now do you know that woman did i tell you about that woman who mailed me and was like stop talking about your sex life on the podcast.

You're middle-aged. It's embarrassing. Did I talk about that in the pod? Excuse me, middle-aged? Who the hell does she think she is? Firstly, do you think that people at our stage in their lives, late 30s, don't have sex? Well, we know our parents don't have sex, but we have sex.

Hey, girlos. Had to share this one with you i was at a ep last weekend and had an absolute blast loved seeing the pair of you killing it on stage how are you even writing emails it's wednesday i'd still be dead if i was there for the weekend uh on the saturday night i'd been in the woods and met a lad i'm six weeks broken up from a long-term relationship so still going bananas on the worldliness i went back to this lad this lad's tent and wasn't there for long he was doing his christian gray routine and trying to dominate me in a field full of stinking wet campers it was not the vibe i ended up pissing myself laughing and leaving his tent with my knickers pretty much around my ankles he was doing dominatrix he was doing in a tent at the fucking picnic oh my god did you see the rain as well like imagine that soggy old soppy tent i say his jumper was absolutely stank of damp as well no one has good sex at a festival you

you know what i mean you've sexed up against a wheelie bin and you just go back to your mates you're not like you know no one's looking for role play at the electric picnic that's not what that is

I would suggest sexual activities at festivals keep them to a minimum because like unless you want to go and hit up the port-a-loos or something

there's nowhere to have sex like just no thanks I can't believe he was trying to get sexy with sex like it's it I can't believe he was trying to get sexy with sex like it's it's functional

festival sex is functional sex it's like oh look at us my bastards it's like her waltzing out in like fucking lingerie

like no it's not gonna happen you're at a festival Joanne did actually bring her paddle though she brought the paddle to EP she did

she doesn't go anywhere without it anymore imagine having sex through your rain gear it's like you're already wearing a giant condom it's like do you know what I mean

don't even bother taking that shit off gross hi Joanne and Vogue just wanted to let you know that i can literally never have my hair washed in a salon ever again i have quite a fertile imagination and just went to my first appointment after listening to the episode about the hair wash money i spent the whole time in the chair concocting smutty hairdresser based pornos in my mind the whole time. It would make you blush. I couldn't look the girl in the eye at the end.

Oh my God. Turned on by the hair wash. Fair enough. Oh, so she was. Yeah. The head is a very sensitive part of the body. It's too sensual.

Stop wanking off my head at the sink. I hope your hairdressers don't listen to this because like you literally go on about that I can't send Amber for massages anymore because she's like I always get turned on I don't I know a girl

who got very aroused by her masseuse and he was also aroused and they wrote What? Well that's quite sexy actually Was he aroused?

Was he aroused alright I assume he was she said he was alright I have to take her words on it her word for it I take like my shoulders are actually killing me I've had massage book tonight

which I believe and I ask Benny sometimes when I literally can't sleep I'm like oh please will you just like give my shoulder a time it's like he gets Edward Scissorhands hands

and shoves them onto him and it's just like stabbing me in the back it's so painful and it's like he does it on purpose so he doesn't have to do the massaging that's probably what he that's probably what

he probably is doing it on purpose I had no during lockdown I had no one to touch or massage me at all so I bought remember that extendable hand that I bought I was going to say

don't lie you had the hand yeah I talk about it all I talk about that hand all the time you had that hand like you used to come to my house with that hand sometimes yeah sometimes i get drunk and try and see if it's seeing anyone now or what it's doing what is it still living down your pants or has it been removed i'm like hey you up 3am stop texting the hand sorry

just passing in your local area I'm just saying you're local what a coincidence hey Em that's it for the bonus episode thank you for listening please send your emails to hello at mtgmpod.com

and I am on tour I'm going all over Ireland and the UK I've added more dates I've got a second SSC arena in Belfast on sale also and all the dates are available on

www.joannotme.com Thank you.