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MTGM EXTRA! "I hoped it would fizzle out..."

January 10, 20240 comments♥ 0
00:00 This is a Global Player Original Podcast. now I keep saying VJ people will start calling me that I don't want to be called I'm already called Voguey by everyone did I ever tell you that I got invited to Buckingham Palace you did and we said don't mention it who wouldn't want to go for a route around there
00:33 we were trying to sell our Irish tour and I said save this for when it's over so it is so tell us the story well I was invited to Buckingham Palace
00:44 and I couldn't go But like I would tell you I'd be hop, skipping and jumping in there She'd be straight in there With a poppy on both tits I wear a poppy cape Yeah She's been knighted nine times in a row
01:02 I was right behind Bob Geldorf in the queue Me next You were indeed Yeah. She's been knighted nine times in a row. I was right behind Bob Geldof in the queue. Me next. You were indeed. Accidentally joined the British Army. She'd do anything. Anything to get a next.
01:13 I'll be honest now. I read around Buckingham Palace. The British Army. Bogus like I just have to do a tour of Afghanistan for a week and I'll be back okay Leave the gates open Charlie
01:29 Charlie I'll be back Well they kicked Harry out So now I'm defo in There's a space In the family Did you see All that Epstein shit That came out
01:40 Well I know you did Because you You posted that Stephen Hawking rumor. Well, I was absolutely devastated. So, why is Cameron Diaz on the list? Like, what's going on? What? Yes!
01:54 Naomi Campbell. And I'm like, well, I don't believe for a second that they went to Peter Island. So, I'm guessing it's like just his contact list. I don't know. But anyway, there was a rumor going around that Stephen Hawking, because he is on the list. But anyway, there was a rumour going around that Stephen Hawking, because he is on the list. I mean, it was actually,
02:08 it was great. I mean, terrible, but also fantastic that Geoffrey, or not Geoffrey, sorry, that Stephen was a regular on Epstein's Island and he used to like
02:18 watching small people do maths on a blackboard. That was too high for them. That's what the rumour was. I suppose that's where I understand it more now actually yeah I guess because they're
02:30 stretching up whatever that makes sense there's some yeah when you do have to kind of elevate yourself
02:35 on your tippy toes there is kind of an opening of the buttocks likely so that makes more sense anyway I would say
02:41 it's more of a closing stand up your bum kind of clenches a bit when you go on your tippy toes. Not if you're trying to arouse someone.
02:47 There's nothing. No, I definitely clench when I stand up on my tippy toes. Oh, clench. Well, maybe they were. Look, I don't know. But anyway, I got that rumor
02:59 from where I got all my news, which is TV buzz, whatever. Six buzzy bullshit oh yeah and it turned out it was false I was absolutely devastated
03:12 oh my god I've been telling everyone about that that's how badly rumors start I read that and I was like you'll never guess what Spencer
03:18 wait and I'll tell you what's after happening here but isn't that wild but the second do you know the second I read that I was like I was like I was like
03:25 and then I went okay yeah okay I believe it now because it was written somewhere yeah and like why wouldn't he like everyone do you know what I mean everyone's
03:32 people are into all sorts of shit absolute creepos going over that creep land Stephen Hawking did I'm pretty sure he left his wife for his nurse
03:41 wasn't that Stephen Hawking yeah yeah yeah he did yeah so the man The man had game. I mean, he certainly did. I cannot get a clenched ass out of my imagination. I just think a clenched bum
03:54 is so disgusting. There's nothing more unattractive. It ages it, doesn't it? It does age it a lot, yeah. If someone's standing in front of you and starts clenching their bum, it's so disgusting. Yeah, I don't know now. It's a long time if someone's standing in front of you and starts clenching their bum it's so disgusting yeah I don't know
04:07 now it's a long time since someone did that in front of me highbrow stuff only on this podcast have you been drinking no I actually haven't have you not
04:18 not one drink today this is not one drink yeah so obviously because we were talking about Stephen Hawking and I posted it as fact as I do and This is not what I'm doing. So, obviously, because we were talking in the room about Stephen Hawking, and
04:25 I posted it as fact, as I do. I get a lot of my information off you as well, by the way, so you need to be careful about what you're posting. I go to Joanne's page, I'm like, oh, what's happened in the world today? It's like opening my newspaper.
04:42 Stephen Hawking, okay, okay, okay. I believe it. She's out for a run in the dark oh wait no she's given up too dangerous I was thinking that myself yeah she's called an uber she's back in the house with her positive message about festive fuel
05:01 and she's back in the house hazing herself within seven minutes one bottle of pinot later, seven bags of crisps. More fuel. You tried and that's what it's about. It's about trying. It's about making the effort. But the rumour, Mel, so then
05:15 anyway, I was like, it's kind of fun. Rumours are fun until they're not. But anyway. Or if they involve you. Not fun. Not fun. Not fun. I did a shout out about but anyways or if they involve you not fun not fun not fun I did a shout out about
05:29 I'd say there's some fun rumours about you maybe yeah I'd say there is I wonder if there's any rumours about you I'd love to hear them I wouldn't hear them
05:38 because people wouldn't say them to me yeah I mean I'd like I mean I'd like to think there are I mean
05:44 I've been working hard you know professionally personally you don't have a rumor about you you haven't made it you know you love a little rumor come on a little rumor now so like obviously I was very disappointed when the Stephen Hawking thing turned out not to be true because no more than everyone else I love
06:00 a bit of tea love a bit of juice and I love a bit of shock you know yeah so anyway I said um let's do a little shout out for the pod about rumors that people have heard about celebrities that are you know we probably know deep down in our cell aren't true aren't true but there's a small part of you that hopes that they are yeah well the dms are popping and I will be conversing with our legal team. I mean, there's a lot of gay rumours.
06:29 I'd love if there was a gay rumour about me. That would be nice. There is, it's in my inbox. She's actually a gay man. I've had to start a Vogue folder. I would have been a great gay man. You would. I've always said it.
06:45 You would be a great drag drag I'm surprised there isn't a Vogue drag act it's like Samantha Jones in Sex and the City do you remember when Samantha met her drag act do you remember that it was really funny
06:53 it was a guy she used to date and he was like I do drag now and his name was Samantha Jones yeah that's the biggest compliment can you imagine
07:01 I know I would love it tell me was there any rumours about me? Any new ones about me? Nothing new. Just the old favourites. Just the old classics.
07:14 You know. Just the old ones. No, nothing new. Could we start a new one of our own, please, about me? I was kind of disappointed to be honest. I was like, come on guys. I might do a separate question box for be honest I was like come on guys I might do a separate question box for you
07:27 because I just did the general one my two one come on guys spill the tea on Vogue what have you heard about her I've read
07:34 I've read a comment like so there's people in the Daily Mail obviously that troll you the same people all the time my mum tells me
07:41 about them she's like who is this fatter he keeps writing stuff about you but there's there's one it's like oh I've worked with her she's like who is this fella he keeps writing stuff about you but there's one it's like oh I've worked with her
07:47 she's a terrible person and I'm like that is not that is somebody writing that because I know that I'm a very nice person at all times
07:55 in fairness you like I can say you absolutely are I'm never bad to work with ever no you're not
08:03 and I've seen you in action it might have been in the waitressing days maybe when I was a bit hungover or something possibly Joanne would you like to do some emails I would here's your list that has gotten shorter I used to like asking you which one you wanted now that it's only two it's not as fun but I'm going to keep doing it so we've got socially awkward Christmas party encounter or we had a thing. I'm going to take we had a thing. Let's make someone's situation worse.
08:33 Let's go. Let's do it. Oh, my God, girls, help me. I'm 22 and I live with two really close friends. One of them is seeing a guy I hooked up with a couple of times at the beginning of last year. It fizzled out. And to be honest, he sort of ghosted me. Anyways, my friend who's now seeing him has asked if we would mind him coming to live with us for a bit. He needs somewhere to stay while some stuff happens with his flat.
08:59 The awkward thing is I never mentioned the hooking up stuff to my friend because I didn't find the right time. I sort of hoped that it would fizzle out the same way but it hasn't and now i'm worried that she'll think i was being shady by not saying it oh darn it to be honest i don't care about his feelings i actually think he's a bit of a dick but my friendship with her is really important and i'm desperate not to fuck that up do i say something or just leave it because the chance to say something is gone oh i i would say you've gotta say something and explain it because the chance to say something is gone. Oh, I, I would say you've got to say something and explain it
09:28 because I'd be too scared living in fear that it would come out or he'd get annoyed and tell her. Well, I don't think he's ever
09:35 going to tell her. Like, a lad isn't going to rat himself out. Not that he's done anything wrong, but you know what I mean. But yeah,
09:39 if they broke up though, he might be like in spite. Like, you know, you're looking for the most spiteful thing to say He could whack it at her
09:46 When he's like raging So I would say Definitely tell him Her I assume I'm saying that by mother now I assume there was intercourse I assume
09:54 She did Yeah I'm just checking It wasn't like Like she said hooking up Was that intercourse It sounds like intercourse to me But like
10:02 I would want to know Even if it was just blowies myself. I don't mind. No, I think I'd also want to know about a finger buying. I would. I'd want to know. I would want to know.
10:12 Jesus Christ. You're just like, you just throw finger buying into everything and hope for the best. That seems to be like your strategy. It's a looked over thing, okay? So I definitely think she needs to tell her because it'll probably come out it's a looked over it's a looked over thing okay so I if I definitely think
10:27 she needs to tell her because it'll probably come out in the wash and if it does then you'll look like you and him are keeping some sort of
10:33 lusty secret between you whereas you're going to have to tell her now and yes it is going to be awkward but that's life you know what I mean we need to suck it up sometimes and just have those
10:41 difficult conversations you definitely do I just I'm always in fear that somebody will be annoyed at me. Like I'd never, I always, honesty for me is the best policy. I don't want to sound like an arsehole saying that, but like, it's the one thing I can't stand in someone if they lie to me. Or if like, if I find something like that out. But there's also, that's not a lie now. That's just.
11:01 Yeah, but if she doesn't come clean, it will be a lie. not a lie now that's just yeah but if she doesn't come clean it will be a lie it's like see this is i've had this fight with somebody spencer um where he withholds something from me and then i'm like but you lied to me he's like no i didn't i just didn't tell you and i'm like it's the same thing it depends on the situation but i do think there is a world where like to to keep someone's inner peace or to protect them from something kind of a bit embarrassing. There's sometimes there's, you know, information is left out and there's a reason for it.
11:30 Like in this situation, this girl left out this information because her friend liked this guy and she didn't think it was really going to go anywhere and she's like, there's no point saying it. But now is the time. Now she has to say it. But now it's awful awkward
11:41 because it's a big deal now. She's going to have to like sit her down and be like, just so you know. I kind of hooked up with him a couple of times. It was, I just never said anything because it's it's a big deal now she's going to have to like sit her down and be like just so you know I kind of hooked up with him a couple of times it was I just never said anything because
11:47 and it might actually her friend might decide it's not the right thing for him to move in actually yeah yeah well not even that I just think that like
11:54 oh if I found out somebody ghost like somebody that I was seeing ghosted someone I'd be like that's just so dick I'd just be scared
12:02 they'd ghost me then I mean she said kind of ghost we don't know we don't know the details but anyway what we're saying is tell her tell her you have to tell her okay take a bit of CBD
12:12 oil some sort of relaxant do you remember that time Joanna send her an email I was only thinking about it recently that you were like a couple of years ago when we first kind of came across CBD oil and you were really tired and you were sleeping loads and lethargic and it turned out you were literally spraying it in your mouth all day long yeah I was drinking it like
12:35 water and um I didn't realize you to give like three gentle sprays in the morning I was just I was I was using it like mouth like a mouth freshener just spraying it in all day every day and I was I was relaxed I cannot deny it I was relaxed I was so relaxed I got a call half an hour before I was due on stage do you remember oh yeah they're like where the fuck are you and I was like I'm relaxing
12:59 at home where are you I'm sleeping God leave me alone I just can't be trusted with anything I'll just always overdo it you know that's what you and Spenny have in common sleeping god leave me alone I just can't be trusted with anything I'll just always overdo it you know that's what you and Spenny have in common you'll just always
13:10 overdo it I know I'm like seeing the Betty Ford in about 20 years Spenna we'll be playing chess in our dressing gowns
13:18 in our detox priory or wherever every end up. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I'm sure you've had tons of messages from people who embarrass themselves at the work Christmas parties, but I've got a strange one for you. I'm not the most outgoing type
13:41 and I'm quite reserved. So the idea of me hooking up with someone at the Christmas party was way off the cards. But here's what happened. There's a guy who works on the same floor as me. We've spoken in parts, but it's plainly obvious that he's pretty much as socially inept as I am. Of course, drink. I know, that's kind of cute.
14:00 That's kind of cute, yeah. Of course. I kind of miss flirting with people. Like, it's really frowned upon when you're married it's yeah you just do
14:09 you just have to do it behind his back like a normal person I'll start start doing it privately you're dead right I won't talk about it anymore online
14:17 do it in other people's DMs that's the same thing too that's what everyone does just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu you're dead right or sample some
14:26 of the starters or just a little bit of the starters and maybe and a mousse bouche and a mousse bouche maybe a little bit of dessert for bouche
14:37 when she's away with the girls a little bit of dessert absolutely you'll take a spoon of that tiramisu what are we talking about give me some of your coffee cake A little bit of dessert, absolutely. You'll take a spoon of that tiramisu. What are we talking about?
14:48 Give me some of your coffee cake. Well, if it isn't the Knickerbocker glory from earlier. Okay. Of course, drink was taken at the party. So for one evening, we talked loads. It was amazing. We ended up having a bit of a smooch and a heavy pet. Christmas. Drink was taken at the party. So for one evening, we talked loads. It was amazing. We ended up having a bit of a smooch and a heavy pet. Nice.
15:10 Oh, yeah. A little bit of dry riding. Love it. Not bad. That's not dry riding. Because you're really out of the game. I don't want a pet. I want something good.
15:25 I want what I was mentioned earlier a heavy pet is a hand over like rubbing on a genital area but I would imagine
15:32 still in cloth whereas a dry ride is an erect penis against again in jeans and against
15:41 against the other genitals also in jeans and hence dry or maybe like in my day it was
15:49 a man coming from a straight perspective dried against like the crotch of my knickers that I would keep on because I hadn't shaved my legs yeah you're getting thrown out
15:59 of a Christmas party for that you can't do that okay sorry well we don't I'm a bit turned on tonight that's all we didn't swap numbers we've come back after new year's and we've resumed the norm no chats no sex oh well sorry she obviously had sex heavy petting no sex no desperate declarations of undying love
16:19 nada i like the idea of pursuing something more with him, but the possibility of the rejection or even just the hugely embarrassing awkwardness of all of it is stopping me. Am I just imagining something impossible anyway? If we can only chat when we're steaming drunk, this person must be Scottish, then that's hardly sustainable. Help, I've been looking for new jobs. Oh no, because I can't stay if it carries on the same way. Oh no, that's really sad. Lots of love and anxiety and on. Oh God, I hate that.
16:50 I have to say, I always kind of liked having an office crush. I mean, obviously if it's causing her crippling anxiety, that's too much, but I always kind of gave me a bit of a pep in my step, a reason to live, if you will. I know, but you know what? It's so nice when you have it, but then when you've done that
17:06 and nothing happens after. I would like, I would take that and I know that like, this is me being silly because maybe he's just really embarrassed and shy. I would feel like
17:15 a kind of rejection from that and I'd hate that feeling even though it mightn't be. What's he going to, like what is he going to do? Walk up to a desk and be like, hey, do you want to go for a drink? Like he's obviously
17:24 doesn't know what's going on either but the nice thing is you're in a work environment with this person you get to kind of you every day you get to groom them into falling in love with you yeah i think like an amazing opportunity most people most couples meet at work you know i met spenny at work i think that you're dead right i think actually just take a chill on it and try not to feel the rejection that you're feeling because it probably isn't that. And maybe he's just as shy as you are. Like, I'd love to tell you to go and ask him on a date,
17:52 but like that's never... No. We don't. Why do I say no? I'm only saying no. Take the plunge. Don't do it yet. Do it.
17:59 I don't know about taking the plunge. I've worked in offices before and I understand exactly what she's saying. And it is a bit awkward you've kind of there's obviously something there it wouldn't have happened in the first place
18:08 no one I mean you know the term you don't shit in your own doorstep unless it's really worth doing agree yes exactly so now you've kind of
18:17 you've both done little shits on your doorsteps and now you're kind of wondering where do you go from here that's that's the start of a loving Consensual Mature relationship
18:28 I hear wedding bells myself I hear wedding bells Bye I had you on But I do I'd love to fancy someone at work Joe make a fucking effort will you Joe for fuck's sake Exactly
18:41 God I'd love to want to come to the office Do you know what I mean I'd love to want to come to the office. Do you know what I mean? I'd love that. Yeah. Very disappointing. Very disappointing.
18:52 I would enjoy that. And also, I love a pine. I love pining. Pining for someone. I'm at my best. No, I like having it. No, I don't have it well. I pine really well. Really well.
19:04 No, I like having it as soon as I want it have it well. I pine really well. Really well. No, I like having it as soon as I want it. For everything. I like to be, I like a good gaslighting, if I'm honest. I have to be honest with myself. I do enjoy a good gaslighting now.
19:15 Am I insane? Are we in love? Are we going out? Is he seeing someone else? What's happening? I kind of do love the start, like all the build up to that. And sometimes now that I'm married,
19:23 I'm like, God, I'll never have that feeling again where you're so excited and you're like I'm not texting him back for at least an hour and 15 minutes an hour and 15 minutes
19:29 later comes and you're like goodnight to you good luck look after yourself goodbye slán leibh I don't give you
19:42 anything to say slán leibh slán leibh or voire't know if you have anything to say. Slán leibh. Slán leibh. Or of war. Or of war, Joanne. I'm in France. Oh, God.
19:53 I'm joking, by the way. No, that's not how they say it because I'm practically fluent. Okay, Joanne? Indeed you are. Thanks so much for listening. We'll talk to you soon. Good night. Good luck.
20:02 Good morning. Good night. Good luck. Good morning. Good day.