My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I once went out with a witch..."

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Vogue's asking a question that Joanne would do well to get right, but what has changed?? Plus a shady lad with a thirsty Insta and a witch man...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. So Joanne, do you notice anything different about me today? Oh no, hold on a second. You're not breastfeeding? I don't know Are you being serious? You don't notice anything different You're angrier than usual

New earrings You guys are mental Your eyes are smaller than usual Joe what is it My hair is long and brown Yesterday it was short and blonde Folk I'm sorry now You are steno'd up

On Wednesday And then you've got a shaved head on a Friday We and Joe can't keep up We don't know what's real and what's not real So I got my hair Hadley My hairdresser Hadley he's amazing um hadley did my hair yesterday i spent four hours in there and i went for full transformation right and i had to do my pod with spenno straight after i think you should get your money well sorry i was gonna

say money back i think you should get your swipe up back because i can't see any difference are you like i have brown i think you should get your collab back I thought if If Emrata got Harry Styles with her brown hair I will too have to go brown haired But come here to me No so I went in to do my pod With Spenny yesterday

And you know when someone is just so horrified By something that they can't hide it from their face So I left the salon Thrilled with myself Loving my new brown hair and I went in and Spenny had such a look of disgust on his face that he couldn't hide it and throughout the entire throughout I know throughout the whole record he kept just looking at me I was like why are you looking at me like that he couldn't he actually couldn't hide the disappointment in his face he hated it so much and like through by the end of the party was like okay maybe i like it maybe and like i actually left and i nearly started crying i just been shamed for a whole hour and a half hold on okay let's let's back all this up firstly joking aside, you change your look pretty regularly.

Like you go from like long hair to short hair. Yeah, to like brown and also you don't have a, you don't like spending

a lot of time in hairdressers so it's not like you're getting like an all over head of highlights all the time because you don't have the time. You don't care. So it's not like your hair is that different.

You've slag strips at the front which are blonde which I'm a big fan of and the rest of it is long And slightly darker than usual Like it's It's full brown Joanne I've gone to brown town

Not in that way Just brown town my hair I can't say I can't say I can't say I think It's that different Jo Am I insane There's something wrong with her

Put in your eye drops You're not wearing your eye drops Put the eye drops in. The special ones. I tried to find them on Amazon. You'll have to go back to the States for me. It's because I'm in the future, Vogue, and we've bigger fish to fry here.

There's a hell of a fucking house down there in Australia. I don't give a shit if you've got brown hair. You told me that hole had disappeared. There's two holes in the sun at the moment. Just thought you'd like to know. Yeah, it's the future again. The hole has reappeared.

Oh, God. We've got to look forward to tomorrow. I've been smoking so much in Australia, I fucking burnt the hell back in. The stress. I'm just smoking, staring right up to the sky. I'm like, come on.

Are you back on the majors? Yeah. What? Yeah, I'm back in the Rothmans. And do you know why I'm back in the Rothmans? Do you know why I'm back in 20 Rothmans and do you know why I'm back in the Rothmans? Do you know why I'm back in 20 Rothmans a day? Do you know why, Joe?

No, no, no. It's actually nothing to do, I don't know what it is to do with you but I'm not answering this question to you. Joe, I'll answer to you. Christina, my agent

who has landed in Australia to hold my hand and she's, which I'm so thrilled she's here. It's so nice having the company. Christina's like, do you mind you're back in the fags? And I was like, I'm not, Christina, I said, I'm not back in the fags. I'm so thrilled she's here it's so nice having the company Christina's like

do you mind you packing the fags and I was like I'm not Christina I said I'm not packing the fags I'm not having it I'm not having it

said like that I said do I gently molest a cigarette once a day with my mouth now yes I do and do you know why

because Vogue got me back on the fags from doing the gaiety run for Ghosted because she was so anxious

yeah yeah you can yeah was so anxious yeah yeah you can yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you can open your little beady eyes as large as you want folk I will tell you

one thing right I said Joanne these killed my dad I don't want to do it Joanne I don't want to do it and she said get outside it's a ritual

you have to have a pre-show smoke and I was like but Joanne please I don't want to these killed killed my dad is that and I said folk I don't want to He's killed Killed my dad Is that

And I said Vogue I don't even have a dad I said I don't I don't even have A fucking dad But that was back

When you were blonde And frivolous But now you're brunette So I don't know You're a different person now I guess She's smoking on the daily Well do you know

You deserve that I said I said I molest I molest I suck I gently suck off One cigarette a day I don't even smoke it I just molest I molest I suck I gently suck off One cigarette a day I don't even smoke it

I just molest it with my mouth It alleviates some stress And I take a shot of CBD oil I'm going to have to talk To Christina about this I feel very uncomfortable now I really She's on the smack

Don't mind her She's fucking shooting up She's on the gear She's so stressed over here The Rothsons are the least Of her worries What's stressful about Australia Nothing There's actually nothing It's so stressed over here the Rothsons are the least of our worries what's stressful about Australia

nothing there's actually nothing it's so lovely but like there's you know it's a big chunk of work there's like I don't know

20,000 or out you know the usual the usual it is what it is working with me is stressful apparently I don't do you know what I will say

sorry Jo I did a that's fair enough for Jo to say I did a I did a That's fair enough for Jo to say I did a I did a couple of interviews yesterday And they were asking me About touring with you

And I said I loved it I had a great time Touring with Jo We do have a lovely time Apart from her shooting up In the alleyway behind the galley Like we have a great time I was trying to get you

To fucking perform I didn't know what to do I had to go up with a spade To peel her off Her blow off mattress That she insists on having upstairs Even though she lives in Dublin Jo I had to go up with a spade to peel her off her blow-up mattress that she insists on having upstairs. Even though she lives

in Dublin, Jo, she's half an hour drive from the galley but insists on having a blow-up mattress and pillows upstairs. Diva. Never known anything like it.

It's called being a professional, Vogue. Vogue thinks she's a brunette now but she's absolutely not. Yes, I am. Vogue thinks she's a brunette now but she's absolutely not yes I am Vogue you're not like the front of your hair

is bright blonde if someone looked at me they would say who's the brown haired girl you were with last night and I'd say it was me I actually think it really suits you

to be honest well I'll tell you what Spencer certainly doesn't I've never felt so bad in my life. And he keeps coming and trying to tell me that he likes it. I'm like, sorry, your hair has looked the same since 1990. I remember I was going out with a lad once and he had completely fallen out of love with me

and was desperately trying to break up with me. And then I dyed my hair pink. I just did for the crack. And Jesus, God, it got another month out of the relationship. He couldn't take his hands off me. Really? Yeah yeah he's like I've never fancied I've never been so attracted to you

he still hated me deep down but we got a month out of it there were no moves made last night with my new hair not a single touch lucky bitch

I know I know I think I might get rid of the blonde bits at the front and just go full hog I won't be touched again for a lifetime I'd decapitate yourself

to be honest just for the peace. So Joanne sent me a message. Actually, it made me... Don't read that out! It's racist! No, I'm kidding. Oh, the other one. Fine.

So Joanne said about this girl... I'm anti-Semitic in the mornings, folks! I'm kidding. Oh, the other one. Grant, yeah. An Uber driver has donated his kidney to a

passenger. On the car ride to the dialysis centre, Bill Smeal and Uber driver Tim Letts struck up a conversation about health problems. By the end of the car ride, the driver told him God put him in this car That day

And offered him His kidney Isn't that nice So the driver Offered the passenger The kidney Yeah the driver Offered the passenger

Because he was dropping him off To dialysis That's too much I would I'm telling you what I'd give anyone my kidney Vogue I would

Not you Jo I'd give anyone my kidney though Nah You. I would? Not you, Jo. I'd give anyone my kidney though. Nah. You know now it would have to just be you just have to give them your kidney.

It's not a collaboration. They don't give you one back. It's just you give a kidney. That's it. Imagine, imagine like that act of kindness. Like you do like

charitable deeds and they go unnoticed. This would not be unnoticed. See, I was going to say this is a great question and I, I, for me and Jo and you, Vogue, go unnoticed this would not be unnoticed see oh i was gonna say this is a great question and i i for me and joe and you vogue do you know when you do an act of kindness or a charitable act but no one knows you did it it doesn't hit the same

like i'd give an organ i don't know what i knew i would take at this stage but i'd give an organ I don't know What anyone would take At this stage But I would give an organ I don't think I can give A fucking organ I'd give a foot or something No I don't think I don't think I'd take your kidney Grant

Grant fine I'd give a foot My feet are actually In great shape Things I could donate Knees Knuckles Nostrils

Eyebrows Feet Hands Elbows potentially Nothing in turn I'd take your skin Your face skin It looks great

Thanks It does look good at the moment I'm slugging a lot at the moment Slugging What does slugging mean? Do you not know Oh my god Do you

Do you not know slugging? What's slugging? Slugging Is This left ear pod Is pumping It's any It's kind of going

Who Who sold you on airpods i'm so like i thought it'd be a great idea it's not been a great idea so well they're not they're not real airpods obviously oh for god and you know what else actually speaking of real stuff i put a picture up are you listening i put a picture up of my you know my louis vuitton um what's it called uh bum bag and everyone's like oh did Joanne get you that so now everyone thinks

I've got it because you have your fake bum bag everyone's like Joanne got Vogue one as well I know someone was like is this from

Canal Street in New York as well Freddie Quinn and I was like no I'd say that's legit now to be fair I treated myself to that two years ago. That was a big spend for me.

It wasn't that. Now, sorry my ear pods aren't Louis Vuitton. Anyway, whatever. I just went in. They were the only ones I could get, to be honest. But anyway, look, they're kind of beeping away, but I'm sure they're on. They're kind of melting slowly in my ears.

Can you imagine her screaming on the way down the street trying to talk into them, just not knowing that anyone else can hear her screeching. Where were we? What you were going to give away. I'll tell you what, I think a few people would take my kidneys. I might start donating blood, actually. Oh, now, all jokes aside, that's something I've really wanted to do.

Now, we say really wanted to do. I obviously haven't wanted to do it enough To do it But I would love to do it However There's kind of A couple of rules about it I've never had a tattoo Or anything like that Although I'm obviously

Sweating to get a I'm sweating to get a Filthy fucking trance stamp But again I'm going to save that For my 40th I think The blood thing So

Let's see what the rules are Hang on If someone Came to my house And just drained me I would be happy to do that if they just took buckets

it's just I'm kind of lazy about going in and doing it but I would love to do it I think it'd be I actually have done it once do you know a human body only has five litres

of blood in it that's it five litres that's nothing okay I'll tell you what you need to do You have to be Fit and well

You have to be Between Age Between age 17 to 65 Way between 7 stone And 25 stone

Have suitable Suitable Suitable veins Yeah I'm going to do it I'm actually going to do I'm going to find My closest blood clinic going to do I'm going to find my closest blood clinic

and donate blood I've only got about three veins left they need a million new donors in the next five years you should do it I'm definitely going to do it

I think that we should all do it as solidarity with each other we'll all go do it will they come to the house like the secret spa will they come to the house and just drain us

in our bedrooms because I'd be well off for that do you know I'd say well up for that Do you know I'd say if they did house visits I'm not joking Everybody would get Will they do a lash lift Will they do

Will they take blood And do a lash lift They'll do a little Lip wax And a blood donation Will you wax the tat Yeah And a blood donation

Sound Blood donation. It's that. I'm going to get this bloods done. So there's a doctor called Dr. Claire. Sorry, the music started in my ears again. Oh, for fuck's sake. She needs to buy real AirPods. No, it's because when you touch them, they start playing music.

Only the pretend ones. No. So there's a doctor, ones so there's a doctor right there's a doctor called dr claire she is going to do all my bloods so i'm going to get all my bloods done to see how i am and she's got this new blood test that checks you for cancer it's this new thing that says so it checks your whole body to see if there's anything wrong with you not amazing are you doing a lab with cancer but no but is it is it strange that i want to ask at the price of this before getting it i mean it shouldn't matter to me but i'm not paying loads for it you know i didn't know they could do that okay no because it is

because you know the way some angelina jolie didn't she got a test and she had like the pre-cancerous breast cancer gene yeah she had a mastectomy because she was like i'm not taking the chance yeah but i always hear about people going to get their bloods done and I thought, well, why don't I go and get that done? It's called, there's a new cancer blood test

which detects cancer cells circulating in the body years before a scan will pick it up. It's called CT DNA. Get mine done, will you? I'll post you back

a tampon from Melbourne. Get it done. Oh God, Joanne. What? She always has to go too far I don't

sorry always Jo I'm surprised at you you've got a baby girl now you need to up your game

you can't be grossed out by periods it's a natural part of life it's part of being a woman I'm just trying

to get my bloods done Jo fair enough mate do what you need to do post what you

need to post you'll come back here I assume she hasn't back here. I assume, she hasn't even asked, but I assume she's coming to live with me when she comes back

for the UK tour. I meant to talk to you. I meant to talk to you. Don't worry, I've kept the camp bed because I knew this was going to happen. I meant to talk to you

about that. Well, is Amber going to the camp bed? I'm not fucking going to the camp bed. I thought you'd be much more comfortable in the bar room the room at the bar

I'll be in Winnie's basketette in the kitchen just like curled up Amber won't be there the whole time so you will have a couple of weeks

yeah nowhere else to go we won't tell Gigi though she'll only get stressed about it before you've even come I'm praying she'll have moved out By that stage Do you know what

She's so nice to my cousin Killian Like she absolutely loves him Because he just He came in last night And she started going And he was like I'll stop that rubbish Gigi It was my birthday

Say happy birthday now And she just was really nice to him See that's the thing I'm too sound to her That's the problem No just yeah Too nice to her Don't give her the chance I know I'm going to have. I'm too sound to her. That's the problem. No, just, yeah, too nice to her. Don't give her the chance.

I know. I'm going to have to reconsider my strategy. Like, Jo, you'd want to see it when I walked in. I'm like, hey. Because obviously I'm obsessed with Gigi. And I'm like, hey, Gigi. She goes, eh, eh. So she's clip-clopping around in these pink high heels

that are actually fitted to her feet. So I'm like, oh, Gigi, look at your outfit. And she's wearing these like gowns. And then if you take it, I want to take a photo of her because obviously I'm a product of my generation. I photograph hot babies. And she's like, eh, eh, eh.

And then you're embarrassed then because you're like, oh, sorry, sorry. And Amber's like, Joanne, sorry. She doesn't like anyone paying attention to her outfit. I'm like, why is she fucking wearing it? I know, she is funny like that., Joanne, sorry. She doesn't like anyone paying attention to her outfit. I'm just like, why is she fucking wearing it? I know, she is funny like that. She wants to wear it, but doesn't want anyone to notice. Doesn't want anyone to notice.

Emails, because this is turning into a full-length pod. Hi, Joanne and Vogue and the English guy. I love your pod. Question. The English guy. And the English guy and the English man an English man that's who you are that's who you are to us Jo

you're nothing I'm quite happy to be nameless you're just the English man who answers the calls I love your pod question my boyfriend of one year never posts me on his socials

but always posts his lad outings. Get out now. It looks thirsty and single. We spoke about it before, and his answer was he just doesn't think about it. But since that convo, we've been to three different countries together and done loads of fun stuff. He never even posts a nice view from anywhere with me.

But now he's on a lad's trip, and again, I'm able to follow his trip through his insta stories no no no no no no no no he has a private account with 300 followers it's nothing to do with keeping me separate from any work page or anything i don't understand i have to be honest i don't understand that either i'll tell you now when it comes to that stuff I went out with the lad and I was living with him and he never posted me on his socials and at the time

I was like why you never post me on your socials and he's like why do you care why do you care and made me feel really embarrassed

that I was being really territorial but he was up to all sorts and he was fucking cheating in his DMs and it's a lack of respect. Get out. It is weird.

I'm sorry, but it is. It's weird, weird, weird. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Get out. Get the hell out. Get the hell out. You should be in his little profile circle, you thing. Yeah, let's see, actually.

While we're on the subject, let's go see what spencer's profile on whatsapp is i think it's me and him from that night no do you know what you know it's himself what's yours what's mine how do i find my own remember that time i put up a i put up our review that's my friend oh my god yeah look i have winnie people will be sending me or ips again think he's gone so it's so cute but i do remember that was a really big issue for me at the time i absolutely hated it i couldn't i couldn't get my head around it because your gut knows you know when your gut knows i just knew i was like this just this is just weird just get out of it and then he'd be like

kind of trying to explain it and all and I was like your Instagram looks like you're a single man and you're living with we're living together oh god

and he was like what do you want you're jealous and all and anyway get out and anyways Dear V and J

I once went out with a witch he was also a psychiatric nurse and would come home from the hospital then head out to the south downs with these odd witchy friends to chant make spells in the dark hold on what the fuck is this?

I'm not doing astrology, Jo. I told you that. Anyway, we broke up. Thank God he dumped me. He dumped you. And which stuff aside, imagine him just coming in to collect his broomstick

and be like I'm off out with the lad hold on hold on hold on hold on is this a lad going out with a girl

a girl going out with a lad two girls going out I don't understand a lad going out with a girl but the lad is the witch anyway right a few weeks later

he sent me a letter addressed to the goddess of all evil which I thought was a bit strong as we'd only been dating a month and he hardly knew me. The letter is etched into

my memory forever. To the goddess of all evil the world should be rid of your venomous spew. You are a niggling you are of niggling insignificance in this world. Signed the master.

I can't tell if this is like kind of poetic or terrifying I googled him just now and he's a sci-fi writer in LA and lists his hobbies

as ballroom dancing and yoga so it looks like he's moved on from nursing and witchcraft ballroom dancing and yoga that's quite the change isn't it yeah hey lady Like he's moved on from nursing and witchcraft. Ballroom dancing and yoga.

That's quite the change, isn't it? Yeah. Hey ladies. Pod is great. Looking forward to seeing you live soon. Was listening to the pod last week and your coregasm chat reminded me of a slightly mortifying time a couple of years ago

when I was in a spin class and obviously going for it a bit too much on a sprint and made myself orgasm. What? It really snuck up on me and took me by surprise. So I made a pretty weird noise and suddenly stopped cycling

and the spin instructor jumped off her bike and rushed over thinking I'd injured myself. Didn't think further bike stimulation was a good idea so I pretended I hurt my knee and fake hobbled out of there. That's amazing. The fact that you were able to do that during a hideous little sprint on a spin bike as well like that's the worst kind of exercise to have to do I'm sorry the fact that I splashed in a peloton

and haven't come once on that thing I'm now absolutely fuming she wants her money back that belly was expensive yeah I want to send it back and have it sent back with the dildos attached to the saddle or there's no fucking point I'm not doing another exercise well that's it for today that is

that's it for today Joanne we've gone on and on and on and on and on and on and arest on that's it it was great to chat to everybody

Joanne oh god she's gone back to her AirPods. Thank you very much for listening to the bonus episode. There's some good science coming in these things. Thank you.