My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I Politely Declined..."

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

The emails just keep getting better and better! This week, Vogue & Joanne offer (utterly unsubstantiated) advice on dating apps and hear all about a very different side to Mensa... If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me, with me, the bonus Joanne McNally, and her, the bonus Vogue Williams. Hello! Okay, Joanne, do you want some emails? I would love some emails. Okay, there's actually... Emails are my favourite, hit me. Emails? They're getting better and better, I just want to say. I've had a keen interest in Lily

Allen and your man from Stranger Things mainly because I've had a huge crush on him since season one doesn't it seem like they were a couple out of nowhere and

then married I always thought but how talk about a not obvious couple well I came across an article online that said they met on Raya chatted

and had a date she said it was love at first sight and he said by date three he just knew what the fuck Joanne I need to hear more

about your Raya adventures who was on there how famous are we talking please please dish some dirt she wants to keep her account Sarah I don't know I've never been on Raya

no but I was on Raya and I will say this I get asked for I do get asked a lot of the time girls contact me to recommend them and stuff I have no power

I've no sway I've tried to recommend a couple of people. One girl who definitely should be on Rhea. She's like totally, like if you're talking about, if it's about celebrities,

she is the classic definition of a celebrity. Couldn't get her on. I don't know what their criteria is, I don't know what it is. What I will say is it sounds like it's way more exciting than it is.

Everyone's up their own hell. No one speaks to anyone. Obviously because, like, you know the fame comes in many forms I'm the scum of the earth on that thing like I can't get a man like it's not good for morale is what I'm saying so do you know what's so interesting I agree with Sarah I thought they did seem like an odd couple but I remember reading at the time so he was in London for work and she obviously lives in London and they're both sober so she was kind of newly sober and he's been sober for ages so I'd say that was a huge reason for them like connecting because that's something big and like

do you know what I mean that's a huge kind of life experience you have in common or a lifestyle choice you have in common and then because you both they obviously because they're both they're they're both celebrities they have that in common and yeah and I guess they just hit it off and also when you're older you just crack on with things faster don't you you just get married quicker you have the resources you move in together faster what do you mean when you're older I started that shit when I was 26 I started I know but you were very mature for your age Spenny and I met, we met in a December. We were first together in the January and by the November we were,

I think I was pregnant and then by the following January I was engaged. Yeah, you were pregnant before you even met Spencer. You were just pregnant. I just was, the egg was literally sitting at the entrance just waiting to be pierced. We were trying,

speaking of that, Theodore had a new thing he came up to us in the bathroom today Spencer and I not today it was about three days ago and he just like he's become quite fascinated with his willy and uh and he started pulling at his balls and he's like daddy what are these what are these and then he started pulling at Spenny's balls because we just got out of the shower and it's like, how do we, and we said, these are, they're your balls and he goes,

they're my bills. He has this weird way of saying certain things because they're my bills and we were like, no, your balls, your balls

and Spenny was like, that's where you came from. I was like, Spen, you've got to be really, you've got to be really careful what you say to this child. I was upstairs

reading a book as well and he said, Gina said the stork brought me and I was like, ah, we're not starting that. But anyway, it's funny. What do you tell a child? Are your testicles?

I said, I said other people call them testicles. I was like, look, there's two little balls in there and you have to be very protective over them because if someone kicks them, it'll hurt. And why?

And all this. I think you just have to be very matter of fact. Like I don't tell them about the stork. Yeah, I think it's better off to be just have to be very matter of fact like I don't tell them about the stork yeah I think it's better off to be realistic to be honest with them yeah but like

the birds and the bees chat I got off my mom was she gave me a book and left the room I don't think I don't think I ever even had a birds and bees conversation I think it was just left off

we were just kind of it was like Santa I said to my mother when were you at what stage I had to figure out Santa wasn't real on my own I was way too I was like 16 or something ridiculously embarrassing I was like when were you gonna tell me and she goes I never would have told you and she goes I just would have waited for you to figure it out

by yourself and I think sex was the same yeah I think well that's back in the olden days now I was 11 I think I think that's actually around the normal age my life one of my friends she said she was she was five years of age she went in looking for a fancy paper her mom's like what do you want fancy paper for and she said to write to Santa and her mom goes you're a bit old for that now aren't you she was five that's that is not fair I mean I was very quick from so I had dolls at 11 and I was drinking boomers in my friend's house at 12 so I went from zero to hero very quickly but that's a difficult one with Theodore wanting to like I never thought about that like what do you tell what do you tell a child I know well you just honestly you just have to be like they're

your magic bits you know they're your little magic bits I just say willie I say vagina you have to do it he hasn't really like when I was pregnant with Otto he started asking questions and I kind of just tried to veer off the subject because I just thought

little bit too young now yeah where do I come from you're like well daddy's obsessed at mummy daddy won't leave mummy alone mummy never initiates it it's a problem

mummy always mummy always Has a headache Or is tired But when mummy Has a drink Daddy gets his way Mummy presents herself After three gin and tonics

Mummy presents herself Mummy calls daddy Into the bedroom Says I consent That's what I like I consent now today For twenty minutes I consent

That's all you're getting Twenty minutes What I know She's not you're getting 20 minutes what I know I'm listening I just woke up don't mind me I've had two drinks now

because I'm on my holliers and Svenny you can see his eyes widen a little bit when I have a drink he knows he knows someone's getting it

might not be him but someone's gonna get it I'll make sure I will someone's gonna now I did that's how I ended up Going out with

Our meeting What we call him Peter's name's Alan People know his name On Raya Yeah I met him I met him on Raya Shut up

Well then It does work Yeah but that's because We were both nobodies And that's what brought us together You're so kind We weren't about yourself It was like when two plebs

Managed to wangle onto A celebrity dating app They're obviously gonna connect Cause they can't believe Oh my god I can't believe You met him on Raya Did you not know that? No

You did You just forgot Yeah I met Alan on Raya I am like a goldfish I do forget a lot of things And he was a catfish His photos are like Nine years old

But anyway Look we've moved on from that He was a catfish Yeah I was catfished He was using that Diet Coke ad That he did When he was like 23 Oh my god

He did the Diet Coke Yeah I love now That everybody knows Who your fella is You just have to wait To see if things Are actually going to

Be a thing Before Do you know what I mean Because then the next person Comes along And it's like Oh here's the next person I know So you're better off Just giving along and it's like, oh, here's the next person. I know.

So you're better off just giving them... Anyway, it's fun giving men fake names. It makes them... I think he likes to have the fake name. Sarah, so in answer to your question, Raya's obviously amazing. Joanne, sorry, you met your fella on it. Lillian and got married on it.

It's the place to be, but it's hard to be. I'll tell you what Raya is. It's a lot of men in white linen shirts on yachts who look like wankers i love a white linen shirt yeah yeah i don't love a yacht i don't if i had to choose right i love the way this is a real these are like real these are things that she has to really think about do i love a yacht i don't love a yacht I don't it's not like yachting no it's not yacht do you know what yachting is Jo? So I'll tell you what my first time and I'm not actually

just saying this to sound relatable my first time on a yacht uh spending any of these people in some bar I'm really nervous about wrecking my mom's seat hang on she'll actually kill me if I get oil on it I have to put a towel down hang on okay it's like you're about to lose your virginity on a seat hold on while I place a towel down It's been so long Since I sat in one of these Jo do you know what yachting is? Is that the one

The high High end Going and meeting people And spending time with them On yachts in an intimate way Yes In an intimate Very diplomatic

That's an actual That's a dating thing Yachting No it's not a dating thing they're like basically high class escorts would you call them I don't know

it's like when they they say it's like this kind of world where people deny it exists but we know it exists it's like this underground scene where Sugar babies

sugar babies basically these very high end well known celebrity women get taken on yachts by billionaire men and it's they have a bit of an orgy and they walk away

with a brown envelope full of cash basically an ideal weekend what is exactly what is that movie what is that movie with Demi Moore in it

Indecent Proposal yes like I'm sorry very clever lady are you going to turn down a million it's she got a million right

which is basically two million because it was tax free are you going to tell me are you going to if I went home to Spencer and I was like

Spenny babe I'm after I got offered a million and I said no because I love you he'd be like get the fuck out that door he would not

and get back onto that yachting ah Joanne two million and if it was someone like Robert Redford I'm sorry I am out of here I think the problem well I think that's actually a nice healthy sign rotting ah joanne two million and if it was someone like robert redford i'm sorry i am out of here i think the problem well i think that's actually a nice healthy sign in your

relationship yeah we love money we love money we love money more than each other what a great basis no but no but i i don't think i think spaniard would have a nervous breakdown if he said that no i don't think he would like that very much at all no he wouldn't but i think the problem with a decent proposal Was that It was your man suggested Your man was trying To whore her right It was his idea

Like it's one thing If it's your idea To go and turn tricks For a million quid But it's a different thing If it's someone else If your boyfriend Can we just

Can we rephrase that Because it's not a million quid If it's tax free It's two million We have to like Management fees You're taxed Yeah yeah you're right

Yeah yeah yeah No you're right Jo She would have taken The million quid And gone to live in Jersey With you Exactly Should you want

Last week we were Selling our feet For 450 quid So are you telling me Two million It's a big difference there I actually was talking To Alan about this

I think I embarrassed myself Sorry I embarrass myself All the time I love that she doesn't Even know Oh no I think I embarrassed Myself a little bit Like sorry I embarrass myself all the time I love that she doesn't even know oh no I think I embarrass myself a little bit

like we were talking about would you sleep with someone you weren't attracted to like what would your number be you know what would your how much would you do it for and I went in with a very very low number

what was your number and he was it was like at the start of our relationship, we're kind of getting to know each other and he looked genuinely disgusted. Now he's, I've seen that look in his face several times since, but that was the first time I saw it.

He was genuinely like, are you serious? Do you know when someone kind of, their eyes kind of, they just look like disgusted, like they've just seen a car crash. He's like, are you serious? And I was like It depends on the person It depends on the person

Exactly Like I've You know I don't have I don't have a huge amount Of self respect Which means that I can do things That other people can't do Because I have a very low level of shame

Yeah exactly How much would I sleep With Leonardo DiCaprio for Minus 500 grand Yeah we said we'd pay We'd We'd sleep with him For entrance into Annabelle's.

One box of truffles. We were like, yeah. One box. He'd run a thousand miles from us. Yeah, you're like 60 dib dobs and a free entrance to Annabelle's. Excuse me while I bend over. You'd be on all fours before you see.

Leonardo's like, what's a dip top? And she's like, doesn't matter. Let's go, honey. Let's go. Hi, Vogue and Joanne. While listening to today's pod where you talked about Mensa, I was reminded of an interesting dating experience I had last year. I was casually dating this guy at the time who happened to be in Mensa.

He was also polyamorous, which I am not, but that was okay with me since I didn't see it as anything serious. One day he asked me if I wanted to join for one of their Mensa meetup holidays. I've been at a Mensa meetup group, by the way. He told me a lot of Mensa members are also polyamorous and regularly rent out houses for a week or so to have orgies. I politely declined. Clever people. What's this idiot's name?

If you have the opportunity to have an orgy with a load of people from Mensa, you do it. You take the opportunity you run with it you come back you tell your mates all about it absolutely

he also would tell me wild stories about his Mensa friends such as one of them being sent to jail for some sort of cryptocurrency scam cryptocurrency is a scam

in my eyes anyway I will finish by saying this was not in Ireland or the UK it was elsewhere in Europe but who knows where all these Mensa orgies happen.

Love the pod and can't wait to see you in February. I have this image of a Mensa orgy where you go and it's a pool full of Rubik's cubes.

Like a big paddling pool full of Rubik's cubes. Yes. Just rolling around in the Rubik's cubes. And all the Rubik's cubes are perfectly solved. Yeah.

I went to a Mensa party I told you in Café on Seine with all these Mensa people. Go on. Tell us more. So we went and there was no mention of an orgy or else I arrived and I wasn't their vibe. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. And so we went and they just like talked about clever shit. So I just sat there. Was this for a documentary or something? Yeah, it was. I can't remember what the documentary was. I don't have a great memory. Hence the not getting into Mensa.

I actually can't remember what that documentary was about. Okay, Joanne, in honour of my boyfriend who was 26 when I was 17, I would like to read this last email. Because my first boyfriend, I was in school,

I was 17 and he was 26. I was so fucking cool. He used to pick me up in his car and I'd waltz out in my uniform like da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da. He used to pick me up in his car and I'd waltz out in my uniform like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And then he dumped me. You were a very sexy 17-year-old. I've seen photos.

I actually, I wasn't. I was like, I used to go to Irish college. I was the alien. And I like, I remember, do you remember? Oh God, it's so bad. Do you remember people would like go up and be like, will you score her? Do you remember that?

Will you score her? Your friends would go up and ask the guy that you wanted to kiss, will you score her? And they'd be like will you score her do you remember that will you will you score her your friends would go up and ask the guy that you wanted to kiss will you score her and they'd be like nah nah oh god it was it was it was brutal and then you'd get dumped by their friend as well here my mate doesn't want to see you anymore and i'll never forget i actually remember the guy's face as well he was rotten when i think of it he looked like splinter from teenage mutant hero turtles but i was heartbroken his friend came over and dumped me for him yeah i know there was a lot of you yeah there's a lot of that i did i was like i remember standing outside wesley wants some guys would score him out i said no and he goes well you're a lesbian anyway i was like that was

the big slag okay hi joanna vogue firstly the obligatory lick arse love the pod joanne i saw your stand up in leeds recently and it was the funniest thing i've ever seen moving on i found myself she said moving on or did you i was quite enjoying that actually i it actually sounded like i said moving on but she said moving on i found myself in a bit of a situation ship and would love to get your take on it i met a guy through a running club that's nice i've recently joined and we tend to go for drinks as it. I met a guy through a running club. That's nice. I've recently joined and we tend to go for drinks

as a group afterwards most weeks. Me and this guy hit it off in the first week and I've been texting ever since about seven weeks now. The conversation flows really well. We always have too much to talk about. We always have the same batshit sense of humor.

However, here's the catch. He's 37 and I'm 25. Anyways, I'm live laugh loving my mid-20s and I'm not sure I see any real future with him but I'm also starting to, I'm live laugh loving my mid-twenties and I'm not sure I see any real future with him but I'm also starting to catch feelings. Yikes.

Probably also worth mentioning he's not clarified what he's looking for. He doesn't seem to want to see me outside of the running club and will often take over 24 hours to reply. Please put me in my place.

Am I being naive or desperate or should I continue to go with the flow and not worry too much? If, this is my take, if you're not in too much worry too much if this is my take if you're not in too much of a rush when you're 37 and if you're not looking for anything too serious when you're

too shy you mean when she's 25 no she's the 37 year old oh he's 37 aha jesus like chill out you're 25 you've literally got your whole life ahead of you go with the flow it's really hard though but remember what i said about like about getting back getting back the power so like don't be texting him you pull back on the texting and he will be on you like a fly on shit i love the way our advice is like this pendulum it makes up like it's one thing it's one thing we've one thing to say makes no sense whatsoever Thank God no one actually Will take this seriously But what I will say Do you know what as well right

These are all the little Situationships That will make you realise What you want So when you have your Big relationships You'll have learnt A little bit along the way

You have to learn Through people Cut your teeth on this lad That's what I would say Cut your teeth on this lad Roll with it The more heartbreak the better

I think it makes you a stronger person it makes you more interesting you don't want that much heartbreak though Jesus not like I need to be on

a morphine drip heartbreak but you learn learn cut your teeth on him you're only 25 exactly and chill out

but do try and take the power back by pulling back the texting and put like pretend you're not interested at all and what you'll probably have to do is get back the texting and put like pretend you're not interested at all. And what you'll probably have to do is get on the apps and start texting other people. So your attention isn't focused on this one person.

It's no wonder Spencer's going through your emails every week. All you talk about is having people on the boil. It's isn't a joke. It's doesn't she. Every week she's like you can't rely on just one person. You have to have people on the boil. Unless if you're not like going out with somebody or if you're not engaged or married like you've got to have otherwise joanne what we spoke about the other day you become obsessive and you pay too much attention to them and you turn out to be a fucking weirdo you've got to hide the fact that you're a weirdo next

thing you're on his doorstep And his mum's telling you He's in his friend's house And he's not He's upstairs So You don't want to go down Is that the road You want to go down

But you know What I will say And this is the God's honest truth This lad You're barely going to remember This lad's name in 10 years I'm telling you now

This is what happens I talk to the girls We rehash like lads That we were dating for a while Or whatever when we were younger And we genuinely struggle to remember their name

but we still it was fun you're building memories just think of it as stories you're building stories for your story box yeah you need to have

these things exactly content content content content live live live your life thank you so much for listening to the bonus episode and please do

keep sending your emails into hello at mtgmpod.com I think that's the first time you've ever gotten that email correct I know I know honestly I'm on fire Bye.