My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I'm A Real One For Sexy Music..."

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

It's your midweek therapy hit including unexpected soundtracks, jealousy and some dentures! With Joanne backstage at a gig in Cork and Vogue in London, they touch on cat kicking, attention span & sexy playlists. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

sorry about the echo I'm in the dressing room in the every month theater which is not it's like the opposite of a sound studio basically um just squeezing

a little bonus episode in before I rock on stage and have another mental breakdown woo woo did you have any red bulls

no they're sitting there I'm watching them there they're looking at me there you can have one we never said you couldn't have one you can have no they're sitting there I'm watching them there they're looking at me there you can have one we never said you couldn't have one you can have one just not three

no I'm having I'm having a flat white I figured that's probably less detrimental flat white and a bag of coke I feel you can't go wrong do you know what I mean

it's the red bull was the problem anyway yeah so that's why the sound is so shit how was Steph's brunch lunch whatever it is so shit how was Steph's brunch lunch whatever it is brunch Steph's brunch

Steph's brunch was fun was fun Leeds is an awful long way but I snooze on the way up I snooze on the way back I just snooze all over the place it's great can't beat a train journey

I would actually love to go to the Orient Express oh my god it's coming back I would what is the Orient Express I didn't know it went away it went away

yeah because it was just too highfalutin really there's different there's different franchises of it his parents did something like that where they went

on this train journey around the place and it looked absolutely amazing it's one of those things where I think it would be a fantastic idea

but the reality of it you're sitting on a fucking train you're sitting on a train like I can barely get the dart from Glendigary into town without losing my mind I don't know how I'd

get from London to outer Mongolia too long too long on a train I have two hours on the train up to these two hours on the way back and that just kind of

gets me towards the end my producer bought me a gift for Poogate he bought me a diptych candle which I thought was very apt.

Nice, nice. And his note said, Vogue, work often throws up the odd shit show of a problem, but never have I had to deal with one like this. Definitely not something to poo-poo. So with all our apologies, please accept this small gift from us to you

for an unauthorized number two. Did you write him out yet? Oh oh he's been ratted out basically he's been taken out like so he'll never arrive at my house again which is nice sorry but he's arriving at other people's houses uh listen listen i said i didn't want him fired i can't i can't i can't do it joanne i can't have that on my on my shoulders i'm sorry if he takes if he goes and decides to shit outside your house you can get him fired i would get him fired i'm not even joking that lad's gonna shoot up a school like that's the that's the actions of it sorry joe i'm sorry but it is that's psychotic did you see that footballer kicking the shit out of that cat

oh my god but you know what then they let him play. And now he's really fucked. Like he can go to prison for four years in France for that. And he's been fined 250 grand, which I mean is nothing to him. And his cats have finally been taken away. But like my thing about that is if you're so vicious towards a cat, what are you like to everyone else?

Like you can't be a nice person if you're going to beat up a little cat. Well, it's textbook. And I know this from like doing, you know, obviously, because I'm a middle-aged single woman. So I'm into murder. And the first signs of psychosis.

A hundred percent. It's been proven over and over and over. They start with animals they move on to human beings that's literally the process

I'm so glad he's been caught out though have you seen that documentary Don't Fuck With Cats yeah but Joanne like you know my mind

like I I really struggle to pay attention to things for that long it was too long for me six how are you going to raise your children

if you can't focus on six episodes of a documentary they've got a they have a shite attention span as well we all work very well together we blend well six episodes

are you going to the sixth year of Gigi be like I've just run I've just lost interest actually yeah I'm finished with you now off to boarding school they send them at seven over here

Joanna Vogue I'm currently writing this in real time i'm at a pre-drinks in dublin sitting at the kitchen table i'm probably a few too many drinks ahead of myself and autocorrect is doing me a favor i am an extremely jealous person have you ever been in a situation like this if my partner talks to someone i'm overthinking what the conversation is about. I'm also aware I'm probably insecure, but men are generally dog shit. Yes, they are.

I think I wrote this. I think I wrote this. Is this signed from Joanne McNally by any chance? I'm 24, by the way, but haven't had excellent relationships. I think you guys are honest and genuine. I would love your opinion. I'm torn between whether in general, I'm an insecure person or I, but haven't had excellent relationships. I think you guys are honest and genuine. I would love your opinion. I'm torn between whether in general I'm an insecure person

or I just can't trust my partner. I always feel, right, that there's like, if you're jealous, there's a reason behind it. No, I don't know if I agree with that. I don't know if there's always a reason behind it. I think some people can be insecure because of shit that's happened to them in the past. I also think people can be insecure because of shit that's happened to them in the past I also think people can can take in trauma like low-level traumas from previous relationships

into the next relationship like if you've been cheated on or gaslit and all then you can't it's very hard to shake that way of thinking because you become kind of paranoid like I've had relationships where I wasn't jealous at all because I never had any reason to be and then I've had other relationships where I was out of my mind with jealousy because I knew that they were up to no good but I couldn't put my finger on how or with who or to what extent so then every woman that was in his life to me was a threat even though half of them were just his friends but then the other half it transpired even after we broke up I spoke to a few of them and they're like yeah yeah he was coming on to me the whole time well I just think that like if you're in a

situation like that I think that the best thing to do is always to take like if you break up from a relationship and you find yourself to be really jealous really insecure I would take six months I took six months being single and it was the best thing I ever did I went to therapy and then I came back just being like oh god yeah I fucking love this shit loved dating wasn't insecure wouldn't put up with any shit I think that you can be in a relationship and you just you put up with shit for so much so long that you just continue to put up with the shit until you're away from the shit yeah because it's only in hindsight that you look back like when you're in a relationship you do people just I anyway because I I'm a bit of a people pleaser

I know do you know what I am I'm a man pleaser It's my It's the worst part of myself I become Are you Yeah Yeah Now I'm I'm much better than what I was

But like I do I talk about it in the show I become I don't fall in love I fall insane Now I'm I'm much more confident in myself now

But I used to feel You've grown up You've even grown up a lot in the last two years though. Yeah. But I used to feel like whatever a man thought of me, that's what I was. So I didn't know anything. I didn't really know what I was or who I was. So I would just wait for a man to tell me those things. So if a man thought I was good looking, I was a good looking. If a man didn't think I was good looking, I wasn't good looking. If a man thought I was interesting, I was interesting. If a man didn't think I was interesting looking, I wasn't good looking. If a man thought I was interesting, I was interesting. If a man didn't think I was interesting, then I felt I wasn't interesting.

So I would just see myself through how they saw me, if that makes sense. But that comes with age as well, though, that you kind of figure out that that's bollocks. Well, I don't know. I think me getting into comedy is what sorted my shit out, really. Because I was suddenly interested in myself as a person I found my purpose

I suddenly had value for myself I valued myself whereas before I don't think I really valued myself at all so I would just look for my value through men

yeah and gross men sorry this is why my therapist ghosted me yeah yeah yeah he was like please don't ghost us because we're getting serious this bitch keeps bringing me the same problems for 12 years i'm not fucking doing

anything about it honestly i was only thinking about my therapist the other day and i'm like we've been talking about this the exact same shit it's like groundhog day our conversation has been the same for three months and i'm like this is like I need to move on from this but therapists do say like I've I I was with a therapist once who I literally could see she was trying not to yawn and roll her eyes like literally she was bored out of her mind and she kept saying to me but Joanne we've been through this and are you doing the things you tell I told you to do and I'm like well no you, no. You know, she'd be like, don't go to his house. Did you go to his house? I did, yeah.

I hate that. And you're literally like, no, I won't do that. No, I'm leaving this therapy session. I am not going to do that. Literally. Honestly, it could take me two hours and I'd have done it. Did you hear about your man who found his dentures in a bin in Benidorm? Oh, gross.

That would be my idea of hell, having to get like, if my teeth fell out. I wouldn't be able to. I told you that I lost like eight teeth when I was younger. They all came out in one go. Eight? I freaked about my teeth. Yeah. I was like, you know, like the side of a chair, it had fallen off. So it was like the two legs, but it was like a Zimmer frame.

So I was Zimmer framing, like but it was like a Zimmer frame so I was Zimmer framing like when I was like six or seven and I went to go up a step and I fell on the frame and it hit me

in the face and I lost like eight of my front teeth were they not your were they not your baby teeth yeah obviously Jesus Christ

they were my baby teeth oh they're grand you're the fucking you're supposed to lose still I'm traumatised you're supposed to lose your'm traumatized you're supposed to lose your baby teeth

would you stop here we go a thameside man who lost his false teeth while vomiting into a bin on a night

in Benidorm he didn't say that's how he lost them yeah that's how he lost them there's a lot of hen energy here

this is very leaving third holiday energy says he has been reunited with them more than a decade later. The Spanish authorities reportedly tracked down Paul Bishop using his DNA after his dentures were found in a landfill. See, I'd say they thought he was dead. Yes.

The 63-year-old says he was left stunned when his nashers turned up in the letterboxes at his home yesterday morning. Paul was on an all-day drinking session in the Spanish resort. I like his honesty. If that was a celebrity,

they'd say he was suffering from exhaustion. That's why he vomited in the bin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul was on an all-day drinking session in the Spanish resort with a group of friends

back in 2011 when he threw up outside a bar. It was about 11 p.m. and I'd had nothing to eat all day. Well, Paul, what what you expect we had a lot of beer so i had a pint of cider instead that's kind of like food that'll do it yeah yeah

i had half of it left when my mate said we were moving on i washed it down in one but i could feel it coming back up you'd want to see him smiling here in the paper this is so funny show me his face there go on he doesn't look like the kind of guy what would you do like I you can't just go in

and buy dentures in the shop he looks like he looks like a little librarian as we were leaving I noticed this big green bend so I slashed it all out he's only went baller

out to the next board that he realized his dentures were gone hey girls I'm going back to the brown flakes one night stand lad who told your listener

to never date yourself I know I'm a bit behind I had a one nighter with a fella last month which truth be told would have

scored slightly above average the trouble was that the next morning as I was leaving he said you don't need to keep doing this I had a one-nighter with a fella last month, which, truth be told, would have scored slightly above average. The trouble was that the next morning, as I was leaving, he said, you don't need to keep doing this. When I asked him what he meant by that, he said, I feel like there's more out there for you than one-night stands. I thought about it a bit, and I think it was a compliment, but fuck knows what he was trying to achieve. I was out of there. Thanks to the pod, Lucy. He basically rode her and then slut shamed her for riding him

that's as bad as that lad kicking the shit out of the cat yeah he's like the cat fella someone actually someone you know people still DM me

their ics they're coming in like they just come in occasionally now one came in during the other day hey if you're looking for ics I invited a guy over

to stay the night and he brought his toothbrush and antidepressants in a plastic bag and then slept in his jeans it would be the sleeping in the jeans that would get me i'm sorry i think it's the antidepressants in a if someone arrived over their antidepressants in a sandwich bag i'd be like ah here come on now like no shame like i'm medicated up to the hilt but like a bit of a bit of discretion like fucking hell and this is what you were letting yourself in for. Yeah, exactly. Why don't you just come dressed in a red flag? If you don't even have one of those cute medicine boxes that the lids click on to tell you what days to eat your meds.

Mix it with the vitamins. Okay, here's another one. Dear Vogue, I've had this email about drafts for a couple of weeks now, wondering whether or not to share. But here goes. I've been seeing a fella for about six months now. It's going steady and we're spending more and more time with each other he's kind thoughtful really good looking and he's fab with my family also bonus he's a great ride the other night we were getting down to it the romantic spotify playlist was doing

wonders i'm a real one for sexy music i don't like silence though Well no But the music then You suddenly You have to kind of Ride to the pace Of the song And what if like Christy Moore comes in Or like

The Red Hot Shirt Do you know what I mean What if AC Put on Do you know what Do you want Do you want for your next ride Right

Put on a bit of Dave Clark Nothing like a little bit of techno Yeah Smack my bitch up By the prodigy Sorry Theodore Is being an absolute nightmare This is bedtime from hell.

He is constantly likes to tell me that he's uncomfortable. With your decisions or in his clothes? He's uncomfortable. He's uncomfortable at life. Okay, back to this email. The other night we were getting down to it and the romantic Spotify playlist was doing wonders. The phone supply and the music had been discarded somewhere in the sheets oh no and as

things got physical we must have touched the screen because the sexy music stopped and the familiar opening music to my very favorite podcast began there was an unspoken exchange between us about whether we'd stop to get the sexy music back or continue in the throes of passion while joanne explained that she was so hungover she couldn't do the podcast with the lights on and yet again Vogue talked about wanking Boris anyway it all came to a satisfying conclusion

and we both lay in bed listening to the pair of you I think I'm lucky that my fella likes listening to you love the pod I love her fella oh my god that's so cute that's so cute right in the middle but we were there joanne joanne we had a foursome we're pod porn we're pod porn oh my god that is so exciting someone's getting it i'm not getting it joe and vogue you're getting it more that that little baby in your belly is getting it more than i am at the moment. I'm getting it. I'm getting it quite a lot.

Yeah, by default. But now we're spending a few nights apart so you know what I'll be up to. I'm like, where are my eyelashes gone? You'd be like, I'm wearing them on my hand like a moustache. Oh my god oh what's a bandage on your wrist

to spray my wrist okay lads that's it thank you everybody for listening please send your emails to hello at mtgmpod.com

because we love reading them and they're great for the extras and they always give us a laugh Bye.