My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I'm the Lidl bear's publicist..."

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

This week, Vogue tries to talk about sleep and Joanne tries to stop her. Business as usual! Plus, a message from someone close to THAT bear and a detail you might not have known about snakes. MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and she, Joanne McNally. With V Vogue Williams and J Joanne McNally. You got a speech impediment today. What's going on? Do you hear that screeching in going on? Do you hear that screeching in the background? Do you hear that?

So she, I don't know what's the crack. She is like vicious at bedtime. She like screams and wails. This is what happened. Spenny let her into the bed every time. That girl's not stupid.

She's like, I want daddy. Because she knows he'll take her into the bed. So she's sitting in there waiting's like, I want that tea. Because she knows he'll take her into the bed. So she's sitting in there waiting. Do you know the worst part about it is she's on the bottom bunk and tea's on the top bunk.

So he has to sit and listen to that screaming. But he falls asleep. I go in and he's fast asleep and she's wailing like a banshee. Sorry, are you telling me that you've got a lobster in your basement

driving a Lamborghini and your kids are sharing a bedroom? Yeah, I know. I know. Listen, it's good for them. They'll grow up. I had to pry that silver spoon out of their mouths. Honestly, someone got to you a silver spoon for his gristing. This is years ago now.

And I thought, that is ironic. I know. Did you not remember I took a photo of him with it in his mouth? And we rolled around laughing for an afternoon about it that's what you did and he came to our house he picked up the teaspoon and you're like oh back to where it belongs um but obviously Gigi's struggling to fall asleep at the moment now we do have we Vogue's not allowed to talk about sleep anymore but we will allow you to talk about it in relation to your children briefly what I will say is I was going through stories earlier

because I always like to keep an eye on you I like to I keep a tight eye on Vogue where she is and what she's doing at all times

in case she's doing anything I have the same with you I like to know where you are I know first view Joanne McNally where are you why wasn't I invited

how much are you getting for that what sorry what are you filming what are you doing what are you filming? What are you doing? What are you wearing? Who gave you that? Look at these trousers.

Very you. Oh, they're fab. Tinfoil. Nice tinfoil though. The expensive tinfoil. Who were they from? Warehouse. But Karina, my stylist,

bought two pairs because she didn't know which pair would fit her. So I took the extra pair. Oh. Thrilled with myself. I know. They're stunning. fit her so I took the the extra pair oh thrilled with myself I know they're stunning um sorry so I was flicking through your stories as I do like big brother keeping an eye and obviously Gigi's not sleeping at the moment and there

you were doing you and your other podcast partner you were doing your last successful podcast let's not name it let's not drive people there I wouldn't even embarrass ourselves by I wouldn't even waste anyone's time by sending them to it

okay they'll only come back complaining Spencer and Vogue pod it's on all good platforms so yeah you'll pay for that

plug I can tell you it's very similar to mine and Joanne's but slightly slightly funnier. Yeah. My therapist goes to me is with two people who like each other. The other one.

Our podcast is based on enjoying each other's company. Joanne's sitting there like this. She's like, when are you giving it up? Anytime Spenny and I have a fight, drop the pot. Get rid of the pot. You don't need it. Yeah, straight in. Drop the drop the pot listen you're cannibalizing us drop the pot at one thing can i talk about sleep no vote no you know you can't you're blocked i know but i'm just it's a funny story because actually alexander and spencer walked into my bedroom now i've been

very sick as you know for the last few days because I haven't showed up about it Alza and Spenny walked in and they said listen we're having we're having an interview I prefer stories that say Alza and Spencer walked in rather than Alza walked in while you and Spencer were in there remember when he was yeah oh yeah let's not go there it's funny how I haven't forgotten that isn't it I went to work that day right I was working in heart radio at the time and I went in and I was like, I can't go home. I can't. And I honestly, a part of me felt like he's got to move out. He can't live here anymore.

That's why you're so ambitious. Because your brother saw you getting licked out. So you're like, I can't go home. That's why you do all these shows. That's where the work ethic comes from. It's from shame. I feel so much shame when I think about that anyway another time that they walked in fully clothed and they both came in and they were like we're having an intervention and it was mainly on Amber they said we have to throw you under the bus with her but we can't listen to Amber talk

about her sleep anymore Amber's my sister and I mean this bitch sleeps downstairs in a room that's completely silent and comes up whinging to me while I'm upstairs with Gigi the Banshee. Yeah, it's, it's, look, she is living in the lap of luxury in that basement. She absolutely is. She can leave. Most people living in a basement are chained to a radiator. She's the run of the place down there. She's got the use of a gym.

She's got it all. Amber's sleeping on, Amber's like princessing the pea down there. Like. 100%. How can she not sleep in the basement and today she wrote in her whatsapp group she goes if i end up my tummy feels funny if i end up getting the vomiting bug after all this i'll pass away i was like yeah we'll pass away if you have to listen to you like i know and listen i'm not this isn't aimed at you however i will say and i have to kind of check myself sometimes as well because you know i've a lot on at the moment and sometimes because someone goes how are you have a lot on I've just stopped

myself going yeah I know like you to be like it's it's the it's a horrible trait when someone gets into the when someone gets into the habit of complaining and people indulge them the worst thing is anyone indulges you you become really annoying yeah you've got to stop like I've got to shut up shut up. Shut up. Hi, what's your name? I'm so tired. I'm so tired. So what did you do today?

I'm just really tired. It's wrecked. What are you doing for Christmas? I'm so tired. That's all I say. It's a very boring complaint and I'm guilty of it myself, but it is a boring complaint because you get people go,

oh, I'm sorry, but you can, you can, you can hear in their cell. They're like, what a key bag. No one cares.

Listen, if you say anything beyond, I'm Grant when someone asks you how you are what the hell is wrong with you they don't want to know how you actually are just say I'm Grant I'm great I've got I've had a great week I've got some great news turns out a snake has a clitoris did you hear that what yeah snakes have clitoris snakes have clitoris how do you know that Joe read it on the news? Read it on the news, mate. Read it on the news, mate. Joe has been going down on snakes for 10 years.

Maybe. Yeah, he's like, he couldn't make a snake come. He's like, well, that's it. They clearly have no clitoris. It's science, guys. It's science. She didn't come. She doesn't fucking.

She's defunct. She's broken. Like, there's only so much a man can do. Do you know what I mean? Like, where did you find that information? You guys slag me for where I find my news

and you're talking about snakes clitoris his head, Sam. It was on, it was literally on the BBC News Vogue. If you would put down your amazing star jumping book for just a second. Oh yeah.

Thank you. That post by the way, bitch. If you would stop panning, if you would stop panning amazing star jumps, part seven, whatever sequel you're writing. Penguin had to bring you in to bribe you into writing your book.

They started filling you with champagne. They're like, we got to get her in or she'll never start. It's like, get her in here. She'll write a bit. Give her a couple of glasses we can monitor oh god i know you'd be lucky to get jump for the stars finished by the end of next year i was like we did it we did like a brainstorming session then i was like i'm gonna head off and then you could see them

kind of going oh we thought you'd kind of start now you're just like guys i've had a great day thanks for the great chats great chats all right listen I'm gonna head off but sorry this whole thing started by me saying I was looking at your stories to see what you're up to oh yeah yeah yeah and gg you were like she won't sleep and there she was on your bosom while you and spenna were doing your podcast and you were stroking her hair and I was like I'm sorry I'd love to be doing that on top of Vogue. It looked so soothing and comforting. If you do that nice, of course she's not going to sleep.

Like, obviously she's going to much rather be wedged into your bosom getting stroked by her mama. Like, it looked glorious. Jo, if you could take a five-minute break from going down on snakes, you would also want to be there. It just looked so nice i was like do you know what the only thing is i looked at that and all i could see was my giant spade hand and i was like oh god it looks so huge covering her entire body did you hear spenny just saying

that's bollocks to a two-year-old she's like i love I love mama the most. And he's like, that's bollocks. I'm like, are you not, you're not supposed to, ah, this is the thing. Like our parents are, my parents, our parents weren't actually raised together.

My parents would have been, we never even, we never even went down the conversation of who was favorite. We never even went down. I think it changed over the years. Sometimes Connor was the fave, then other times I was the fave.

100%. It changes. Yeah. Mine changes. Who'save, then other times I was the fave. 100%. It changes. Yeah, it changes. Mine changes. Who's my favorite? Otto. Otto, there you go. Easy.

Yeah. Easy. Like, do you think I'm going to say Gigi right now? Absolutely not. No, she's kicking off. You know what? Burging on tea, because he's just sitting there listening to that shit.

Not saying a word. okay we've got some uh emails yeah hi joanne vogue with the amount of messages in my whatsapp chat it looks as though i'm ending the year being known as the little bears publicist to my friends and family an unexpected twist but maybe not one for the cv now normally i would take the opportunity to send those around you a little bear and ensure Little Bear's publicist. To my friends and family, an unexpected twist, but maybe not one for the CV. Now, normally, I would take the opportunity to send those around you a little bear and ensure... Don't you fucking dare

darken my door with that prick. Sarah, I never... I was bigging up the little bear. Send them my way. Will you throw him an antidepressant first and then send him my way? Turn that girl upside down, please.

God, my God. Maybe he's been on the sesh for three days and that's what happened, okay? He looks like he has. Don't, that friend, turn that friend upside down. Now, normally I would take the opportunity to send those around you, a little bear, and ensure he enjoins you on every night

at the Prosecco Express. But the thing is, he's not real. In fact, you won't find the little bear for sale as he is the face of something much bigger. Hold on a second. Hold on. Have we just been tricked into doing another ad for Little unpaid? Oh, you are going to.

This is going to be worse than the Troker box. This is going to be worse than what you stole from the Troker box charity. She's doing it again. She can't help herself. In fact, you won't find Little Bear for sale as he is the face of something much bigger. Little Bear's toy bank. In all our stores

we created toy banks to ensure children across the country have toys this Christmas oh for fuck's sake and so far in the last two weeks 20,000 toys

have been donated by our incredible customers and colleagues so I know it'll annoy you but I do plan for him to continue being everywhere

for three more weeks alright ok Grant you know what can we put a cap this earnestness is actually giving me a heart. It's giving me heartburn. Sarah, on behalf of Johan,

Johan. Excuse me? On behalf of my friend, Johan. I would like to apologize. Have you replaced yourself with a Berlin spam bot? What's happening? She's just going to be ours

to do on the pod anymore Sarah what I'm planning to do with Joanne this year is like cut that shit out of her and I'm also going to get all the troker boxes

she's stolen in the last three months and I'm going to give them back to charity is it Sarah is Sarah's her name Sarah Head of Communications oh Sarah Head of Communications

Sarah Head of Communications yeah Sarah Head Sarah I know what you've done there this is like when you're doing a stand up show and you're slagging someone and he goes, what do you do anyway? And they're like, I work with sick kids. You're like, fuck, Sarah.

We call it a little comedy cul-de-sac where there's just nowhere to go. You just have to pedal back and be like, thank you for your service. A comedy cul-de-sac. So Sarah knew exactly what she was doing there so yeah

well done Sarah listen what I would recommend is give kids something a little happier like a Bratz doll no

that's what they're getting they're not getting the bear the bear is just like a figment of our imagination yeah because he's a lazy bastard he's not working as hard as we are yet

he's all over the place anyway it's good to know he's doing some good work because his head would suggest place. Anyway, it's good to know he's doing some good work. Because his head would suggest he's not. So it's good to know that he is. He's putting a smile on others' faces, just not on his own. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Hello, Joanne and Vogue. Hello. I have a little worry and I wanted to get your thoughts on it. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend since summer 2021. We were actually together but broke up and now we're back together 10 years later soulmates he's wonderful and i can say we are truly in love my problem is that he regularly messages a girl on social media someone who is unreal looking i've never seen their

messages i don't know what they talk about nor do i want to but it gripes me first of all he told me he's only met her a handful of times through a friend of a friend and secondly he always likes her instagram photos and gets defensive when I bring her up. The word crazy was used in a couple of occasions by him. She is not a friend of his, basically just a hot stranger he writes to online. I know he's not cheating, but at the same time, I'm like, why are you always messaging this girl? I'm insecure as it is. And never mind having that in the back of my mind.

Am I just paranoid? Oh, I think he's made you feel like you're paranoid because he actually shouldn't. I wouldn't. You're not paranoid. He'd give her one. It's basically a flirtation. It is a kind of flirtation. It's a flirtation.

We are not saying that anything has happened, obviously, but I wouldn't like that. Some people don't care. Some people don't care. Everyone cares. Come on. Vogue, I'm telling you they don't, I wouldn't like that. Some people don't care. Some people don't care. Everyone cares. Come on. Vogue, I'm telling you they don't. I'm telling you, I'm telling you now.

I've met women whose husbands are a bit gamey like that. They're a bit, and they just think it's innocent. There's nothing in it. And they genuinely don't care and it doesn't bother them. And do you know what? They'll probably, they probably have the healthiest relationships and there's a lot of longevity in there. However, I would care.

I would care. And you care. And I don't think that you should be made to feel like you're a lunatic because that's not fair it's a flirt it's dead like come on if he was a

if he was a bald man in his 80s if she was a bald man in his 80s he wouldn't be messing her exactly and no offense to those men they're the men I'm viciously attracted to at the moment but they

but it but like because she knows I've got one foot in the grave that's who she fancies I know they're one good turn away from me getting the house did you hear about that Joe

a good turn in a hospital no I haven't it's like if someone's kind of on their last legs I don't know now this is obviously I don't even know how I heard this

this is like maybe it's an urban myth but a nurse will kind of send them on their way give them a good turn in the bed as in like change the sheets a bit more aggressively now obviously this isn't fact it's not well researched it's very anecdotal but it's kind of a saying that they say

or maybe it's like they're one good turn away from death anyway that's what i'm saying hey lads one good turn away from getting the house but no because i know this girl i've been in your situation i was i was one of them before and it's horrible because like I say it was your remember your man just a bit of crack some people don't care

and it's and there's nothing in it and they actually for them to be in a relationship they need to be able to kind of have those little what would you call them

outlets that they can have these little flirtations or whatever I don't like it it's also pathetic by the way I just don't like it.

I don't think it's nice. I think that I wouldn't personally do that to Spencer. I'm monogamous. I'm a monogamous person. Some people, they're not monogamous or they're maybe acting monogamous, but they're actually not monogamous. They're polyamorous, whatever.

I'm not saying he's acting on it. I'm just saying if you're a monogamous person and you want a certain type of behavior, then that's not what you want. want no and I don't like the way he calls her crazy that's not fair what age is that girl by the way? doesn't say

they're just everyone's just do you know what I read an article the other day saying social media is on the way out and I'm telling you now it'd save a lot of relationships there's so much gaminess

goes on in those DMs my god oh god yeah so much everyone you want any person in the world is just a click away goes on in those DMs. My God. Oh God, yeah. So much. Everyone you want, any person in the world is just a click away

from being in their private messages. That anything can start. And it starts as a little fire here, a little winky face here, a little like there, and next thing they're

messaging 24-7, which is what happened to me. Anyway, next one. Bullshit. Okay, we're going to do housekeeping because I love housekeeping. Hi, Vogue and Joanne

and Joe Joe who's the why is Joe in the intros hang on a second hi Joanne and Vogue you've really positioned yourself there

you thirsty bastard I think Joe put that in he sends us these emails you do he's editing these come on Joe he's behind the scenes alright

okay you're lucky we're leaving his laughing we had discussed cutting laughing. We had discussed cutting it out. We had discussed wiring his jaw shut. And keeping his eyes open like in Clockwork Orange.

He just sits there strapped to a table. Exactly. I was just listening to the episode the other day where someone had written in about being walked in on on their hotel on holiday

and it unlocked a memory that I thought I'd successfully repressed. I love this person. About six years ago, my boyfriend and I had gone on holiday to Menorca. Our room wasn't ready

so we kept our luggage at reception. Sorry, I'll interrupt you. I have to interrupt you there, Vogue. On holiday to where? Menorca. Where? Joanne, okay, before you try and Joan of Arc me again,

there are two Spanish islands one being Menorca and another one being Mallorca that's ridiculous okay

take it back that is sorry Columbus I didn't realise you were such a geography buff okay Napoleon you have to

cow is there two islands Menorca and Mallorca that's ridiculous. Who named them? It's so amazing. Minorca is like the crapper named one, isn't it?

I'd rather be Majorca if I had to choose. I'm fuming. I love when she does an oral typo. Anyway. We ride again. Go on. My then boyfriend kindly offered to go back and get the luggage once we'd seen the room. While he was gone, I wanted to get out of my plane cars as fast as possible. I agree with that. My then boyfriend kindly offered to go back and get the luggage once we'd seen the room.

While he was gone, I wanted to get out of my plane as fast as possible. I agree with that. I feel like you stink after a plane. And then jump onto the bed and starfish completely naked. I took a sigh of relief because when I was finally on my long-awaited holiday, but to my horror, a maid walked in, mid-knock, speaking to me in Spanish, while I'm spread eagle on the bed, everything on display. I jumped up, tried to grab the bedding, but they tucked it in so tight that I couldn't get to it quick enough still speaking to me while laughing she then called over another two maids to help

her translate while I'm flailing my arms and trying to find absolutely anything to cover me how unprofessional that would never happen in Mallorca that seems like a very Menorca problem do you know that wouldn't really bother me that much because that's her that's a her problem that's How unprofessional. That would never happen in Mallorca. That seems like a very Menorca problem. Do you know, that wouldn't really bother me that much because that's her, that's a her problem. That's on her. That's on,

this story has just unlocked a personal memory of mine. Go on. I was on holidays in the Canaries? Anyway, I was going out with a guy at the time. We were there together.

We were in our hotel room getting stuck in. There's no other way to say it. The holiday love best? I was getting stuck. You stuck you know it was like it was undignified you know and in again banging similar to after like four drinks at home yeah yeah you kind of lose the run of yourself you get so good at sex then yeah yeah yeah yeah you're like a savant then. You're like lowering, you're like levitating. You know, you've got 12 tongues. It was all that.

And like a snake. Sorry, Jo, I didn't mean to arouse you there. And anyway, in bounces the housekeeping. And oh, no, no, no, no. That thing. Anyway, I am not joking

when I say it. We were there for two weeks. It said it happened four times. We couldn't figure out. It was one of those fancy hotels. The do not disturb is a button on the door. There's no. So we were just never pressing it.

And we were just, you know, as I say, getting stuck in. Anyway, same thing. But I was weirdly not that embarrassed because I was like, they've seen it all. They're housekeeping. They've seen it all. It's like getting embarrassed about getting whacked. they've seen it all their housekeeping they've seen it all it's like getting embarrassed about getting whacked they've seen it all who cares

I walked down into that hotel lobby not an ounce of shame head held high do you know why because she's proud as punch because for once she wasn't just lying

on her back doing nothing I was like do you see what I was doing tell your mates she went from a dead fish to a salmon like jumping through

Spinning around Spinning around like the exorcism Tell your mates I move Bit of personal news Bit of personal news I love that one

Personal news I have a new New York date I saw that Yeah And Australia's still on sale. Dubai. Isle of Man. You're going to the Isle of Man.

Go to the Isle of Man. Please send your emails to hello at mtgmpod.com. Also, I have an extra Killarney date. Sunday the 5th of March is on sale. Go on, Killarney. Sorry I didn't jazz that up. I need a jingle for this stuff. That was actually a better one

than usual it was there was a bit of life in that one