My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I'm the worst friend in the world."

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

There are sex dreams and then there are... Sex dreams that you really wish you weren't having. This week, a listener is having the latter. Meanwhile, Joanne is still in Canada and Vogue reminds us all of one of the finest viral clips of our time.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global episode. I am zooming in from Calgary in Canada. Vogue is zooming in from Portugal in Portugal. And Jo is zooming in from Staines. Thank you. Yeah. He's in Slough. Between Staines and Slough. I'm in neither of those places.

I've passed through Staines. I've passed through Staines several times. I used to date a man several times. And I kept... I used to date a man from Steins. I kept going. I like the accent from Steins. It's not the accent, Steins. It's not the greatest name for a place, really.

Steins. Sure it's not. It's like calling a place Skidmark. It's just not a great it's just not a great name for a town that's all I'm saying it actually is

it's worse than Slough because I never thought of it as stains like that but now that you say that I'm like that's actually really gross stains I gigged in a place

called remember I gigged in Grimsby and I was like that's not a great name for a place either I had a really I had a really nice time there but I was like it's not a great name for a place either I had a really nice time there but I was like it's not a great name for a place

England's funny like that they'll just call the street Cock and Balls and just never change it sorry what about Shaftesbury Avenue that's it no one ever laughs

going there every time I see it I'm like what the fuck we're Cockfosters hilarious Cockfosters Cockfosters I can't take it but you'd have you'd have English people you could have a Hilarious. Cockfosters. Cockfosters.

I can't take it. But you'd have English people. You could have a guy called Gerard Cockfoster and he would just not do anything about it. I think that some people aren't as immature as us because John and I have been filming. I'm down in Portugal filming for Flexi. And he's like, and just do the erector muscles.

And I can't keep a straight face. Erector muscles. And I can't keep a straight face. Erector muscles. Like call them something else. You definitely do have a young sense of humor. I do. That's my diplomatic way of saying it. That's why I get on so well with my kids. They find me hilarious.

I find them hilarious. If humor was a utensil, yours would be a toilet brush. Yeah. Gina comes in, Gina, my auntie, she is overminding the kids and she comes in and she's literally like,

hiya, piss face. That's what she calls the... That's funny. Like, well, I can't say anything because she's minding them. She's being kind. Oh, well. So what if there's a little abuse thrown in?

I get the afternoon off. They're fine Gina's the aunt they are piss faces she'd be in with them who took a shite and didn't flush the toilet do you remember that

it was one of yous disgusting that was so bad terrible poor little girls again like forging on abuse and we're like

haha lol sheriff I think that might have been a setup I love I love those ones that go really far like you remember the shame

the ones that go really far like that like there was really bad weather in Ireland one year Like, you remember the shame? The ones that go really far like that. Like, there was really bad weather in Ireland one year. You're going to know what I'm going to say, Joanne. And there's this fella. And, like, they were recording the RTE news, which is like our BBC. And this lad's walking home from work. And he just slips on the ice and belches his head. And it literally was on the news live.

And it just goes around. Every year it goes around again yeah goes around it's pretty much the most viral piece of news we've ever had

it's bigger than the Troubles of the North like it's just been absolutely huge for us but yeah every year they try and identify him and he has never

come forward has he not? no they don't know who he is to this day he has never made himself known we think either maybe he passed away or moved away or maybe he just doesn't want the attention.

But it's like when Pint Baby, do you remember the video of the pint drinking a baby? The baby drinking a pint in the 80s. Do you remember Pint Baby? Pint up here? Yeah. You didn't see Pint Baby? He was an Irish baby.

He was huge in the head and he was drinking a pint in a pub on his dad's knee. It was on Reeling in the Years, which is a show in Ireland. I think it's done now, but it's... Oh, God.

It kind of reels in a year. Ah, it's a pint of Guinness. He's sitting there sipping on it. Anyway, he's called Pint Baby and we went to try and find him. We found him almost immediately. So, I mean, we can find people when we want,

but the guy slipped on the ice. He just, he was never trackable. Did you ever hear this one? Listen to this fella. Because his accent, it went everywhere. It was a wintery walk to school

in Park Village, but they're a hardy breed in these parts. Well, it was a matter of choice. We had to go anyway. We hadn't much of a choice in the matter, but sure. It's a cold, it's a cold journey to school this morning. Oh, it doesn't matter. She says we had to go anyway. We hadn't much of a choice in the matter, but sure.

It's a cool journey to school this morning. Oh, good. You wouldn't be long getting frostbite. Look at the age of him. He's like 15. Oh my God. I was expecting him to be a man in his late 90s. You wouldn't be long getting frostbite. I love a hardy child He probably knows

Pint baby They probably hang out That might be That could be Pint baby Grown up I love a little Viral clip

Oh they're very funny And they never age. I'll be honest. I'd love if we went viral one time, Vogue, for the right reasons. Yeah, for the right, not the wrong. Well, actually. Something's coming from me.

We're on TikTok now. They're using us as the kind of audio when they panel their rooms. Did you see this? Yeah, I saw that that and you're like those girls that are paneling their own houses so we're on tiktok now well i didn't believe you till i saw that there you go she's not lying they are they're paddling their own rooms what have we got to show for ourselves what have you ever panelled I did buy a drill recently

I bought a drill I was going to fix Otto's cot and then my builder Sam popped over to collect the stuff that he'd left and I said Sam you're a better man for that job go on so I haven't used the drill yet fair play though I mean it's the thought that counts can I have that for your DIY

if I am placed now I was just going to get an allen key and see what happens but if there's a whole screw going I'll take it I'm just going to get an allen key and leave it in the drawer

so if anything happens I'll just throw the allen key at it she says we'll come over and Joanne will be putting up her own floating shelves

did it all with that allen key guys can you believe it I keep thinking Allen key, guys. Can you believe it? I keep thinking of gifts I want to buy you for your house. I'm going to buy you a bar cart. Why didn't I think of that before? I'd love a really nice one, though, yeah?

No, Joanne, I was going to buy you an ugly one. I know you've one in your basin, so if I see that suddenly repacked and in mine, I mean, I'll be thrilled. No, that's so if I see that suddenly repacked and in mine I mean I'll be thrilled No that's already no that's been and gone I got rid of that ages ago Did you? I'm actually going to buy you a lava lamp

Oh I'd love a lava lamp A lava lamp and one of those blow off couches do you remember you used to have those plastic blow off couches I loved them Are you going to get me the brim full of Asher's single as well on a record player let's have an email let's have a little email from one of our

beautiful listeners who we love and adore beautiful they're all beautiful we do and I met two women today on the beach La Plage

they might say in France they might or they definitely. They might, or they definitely would. What would they say in Portugal, where you are? Oh look, Joanne's French has come back. They would say, La plage, La plage. In Portugal, would they? And do you know what they'd say in Ireland?

Yeah, in Ireland, they would say entre, because I am bilingual, multilingual. Okay? Okay. You haven't asked me about my holidays, by the way, but I'll tell you next week. It's fine. Don't worry.

Well, I kind of thought it was a work trip. We'll go into that on Friday. Yeah, because I'm not done talking about Canada. Hey, girls. I'm worried about writing the same old mail to you as you've had a million times before, but I need your help and advice. I've been seeing a guy at work for the best part of a

year now please don't judge me uh-oh he's married i've known since the start we don't judge we actually don't judge he doesn't have kids and he says that him and his wife just don't have any real i fucking hate when they do that though i judge that what they don't have any relationship anymore like so he's saying him and his wife well why are you in the relationship then they've been I fucking hate when they do that though I judge that they don't have any relationship anymore so he's saying him and his wife well why are you in the relationship then they've been married four years and as we've been getting more serious

he's promised he will leave her and we'll be together properly well you would be if he was planning on doing that but they I just anyway okay let's go on the last month or so

I just get the feeling he's dragging his feet in the summer it was all one more month at the most I promise it'll be over and now it's still dragging on as far as I know they've had they've not had any chats about ending it now he's saying that he'd feel bad leaving her because her mum is ill which I guess but how long am I supposed to wait I know I'm a piece of shit no don't say that for seeing him at all but I genuinely carried it on thinking we'd end up legitimately together now I'm thinking it's been a waste and I'm just a gullible piece of shit stop calling yourself a piece of shit first of all no one's a piece of shit but what starts in chaos ends in chaos

is what I think indeed if you're to start in this kind of madness, this is the way it's probably going to end. One of my, for you, one of my very good friends was in a very similar situation and

he did eventually leave and he did the same thing to her. That is all I will say. Yeah. And they were in a, she was in a really bad place with it all because like look don't get me wrong life is complicated life is gray life is nuanced some people do start relationships when the others are when they're already in relationships and they're very and they end up happily with that person like it does happen it's not

like we're only human like do you know what I mean shit happens shit like this happens all the time people happens people fall in love people fall out of love with people they're married to they don't want to leave the marriage they stay along and they should

people have affairs that's life what I will say is the girl that I'm talking about it didn't work out for her he the relationship because of how it started

there was it was always slightly tainted he was fighting with the ex all the time she was she felt like it just it wasn't a great experience for her

I'm not saying that's what will happen to you but it wasn't a great experience for her and the guy that she had the affair with he just he wanted out and he kind of used this affair to get out

but actually he just wanted to be single because then he cheated on my friend so that's all I would say it wasn't a great situation for anyone the excitement is gone so there's a kind of excitement when you're like you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing and so you have all that excitement and then you do leave and you're just left for each other it's like oh this isn't the same feeling that we had before yeah so yes and it's and you know as well I agree with you Anne. It's like I will

and like there's no judgment here. This shit happens all the time. And I don't like did you see did you see Sharon Osbourne the way she was speaking to Rebecca Luce? Did you see all that?

Jesus Christ. It was so bad. So Rebecca Luce had an affair with David Beckham. Alleged affair. Oh well I mean Jesus Christ. We all know. But what I will say is

Well you don't actually know We do know Like the only people that know The only people that actually know Are David Beckham Victoria Beckham And your woman Rebecca Luce And whoever else she's told

There's no But she was She's been quiet about it I don't She's never come out and sold a story Or anything like that She did And I think that Sharon Osbourne She did Oh did she? Yeah that's why she's in come out and sold a story or anything like that she did and I think that Sharon Osbourne

she did oh did she yeah that's why she's in the paper she sold her story did she yes now the reason

she sold her story she said she said it was coming out anyway and they either said work with us or we're gonna write it anyway so she worked with them

but yeah she did sell her story and that's why Sharon Osbourne was so rude and mean to her because she was like this kind of

you know home wrecker who's now getting a kind of a bit of career out of it and Sharon Osbourne was basically telling her to put like in the

she did some celebrity talent show and Sharon Osbourne was like next time wear knickers it might heat your voice up like you just never you'd never

you'd never get that would never get aired today but Sharon Osbourne was treated like was treated was very cruel and rude to her

I was like it's the old narrative that it was all Rebecca Lou's fault and that David Beckham had no accountability in

the whole thing and it was Rebecca against Victoria all the stuff that whole trope that happens when

men cheat with women who aren't their wives but Rebecca was I just think looking back and now

it's all been dragged now she's been dragged back into it again she's fucking off doing yoga living in Copenhagen and now she's in the papers all over again. She's fucking off doing yoga, living in Copenhagen.

And now she's in the papers all over again. I say she's like, for fuck's sake. I know, but what I will say as well, from watching it, like with Victoria Beckham, I actually have like a real admiration and respect for her. So do I. Because like, she actually was just,

she was made to be like, oh, she's wrecking his career. She's, it's her fault that this is happening. And like, she was just like scrutinized all the time, which you never really saw but then when I watched the bit about when he he did that thing

in the World Cup which was like he just he lifted his leg like he probably shouldn't have given a red card for that anyway

but he was vilified for so it's a mad documentary you have to watch it I will I'll talk about it when you watch it I'm definitely

I'm really good I'm definitely going to watch it. Sorry, back to our email to anon. What starts in chaos usually ends in chaos and it doesn't sound like he's going to leave her and I think that you need

to start looking after yourself. Also, people, it's very hard from what I can see to leave a marriage people don't do it like

people do not leave marriages easily no it's not it's grand would you stop it's easy peasy lemon squeezy folks like DM me

I've got a great solicitor I'll get you out in a day the SWAT team like Cher I do. Got her little team of divorce people. My divorce wasn't, mine wasn't expensive.

I wasn't paying shit like Sophie Turner, honestly. Mine was like, mine was an inexpensive divorce as far as they go. I think it was like three grand total or something. I think you see, I think from what you've told me, I think yours actually wasn't the nightmare situation that some people have. No, I think if two people are I, from what you've told me, I think yours actually wasn't the nightmare situation that some people have.

No. I think if two people are amicable as they can be, I wouldn't say we're friends now, but we were never, like we never made it difficult for each other

and that's why it was an easy-ish kind of divorce. Yeah. And people are, like we'd no kids or anything, so I wasn't fighting over that. Yeah. I do feel though,

like that's why people have affairs because they couldn't be arsed going through plus they kind of want their cake and they want to eat it too but they also don't want to go through the drama of separating from their partner and you split in the house and like it's a huge it's a huge ordeal from what I can see

anyway look do what you want to do you probably you'll probably drag it out for another bit because we believe what we want to believe however I will say from what I've witnessed via other people probably drag it out for another bit because we believe what we want to believe however yeah i will say from what i've witnessed via other people it doesn't end well he needs to leave for himself do you know what i mean like if he's gonna leave just leave for just leave for himself

and then maybe down the line see if there's still something between you as a pair but like leaving for you is it's messy hey girls here's a weird one how many times is it okay to have sex dreams and i mean full hot and heavy sometimes orgasm in your sleep type dreams about your best friend's husband yikes I'd love to say I'd love to say I'm asking for a friend but I'm clearly

the worst friend in the world I wish my brain would give it a rest but at least two or three times a week now I'm having vogie

porn hub style dreams about this fella the maddest thing is I don't even know that well. Well, of course. That's where the lust lies, in the unknown.

I'd be lying if I said I don't fancy him a smidge, but it's certainly not a problem in the awake hours. But as soon as I go to sleep, I become an animal and break the friendship code in every way possible. I've been friends with her for 15 years and they've been married for eight of those. To be honest,

I didn't really like him at the beginning, but he's grown on me and I'm happy for my friend now. They have a genuinely great relationship. Why am I being a disgusting, sexy night beast

and cheating with him in my sleep? What does it all mean? Love the pod, love you both. Yikes. I don't, I think there's like,

I don't, I think that you, I think that you're trying not to dream about it and you're thinking about it before you go to sleep by being like, please don't dream about this and then're trying not to dream about it and you're thinking about it before you go to sleep by being like please don't dream about this

and then you're ending up dreaming about it because you're thinking about this probably yeah also I mean maybe you just

maybe you just maybe you fancy him like it's okay I don't think she's obsessed with him I don't think she's gonna like try and jump his bones or like dry hump him

but I'd say she probably has she finds him a little bit sexy that's okay yeah I think that's actually fine because just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu exactly I mean it is your best friend's husband it's not it's not ideal ideally Spenny and I are on the beach today right and he gave me like he gave me a round about compliment so I was coming out of the water and he was uh he kind of was looking at me and then and then he came down to me he was like oh my god I was just checking you out thinking how hot is that girl in the black bikini and then I realized it was you and I was like sorry well then before who were you checking out you were just going to

check out some random girl that's a very round compliment that's incredibly round I don't know if I should be Offended or complimented But he's allowed Czech girls out What's wrong with it? The man has huge eyes and he uses them And what can we say? The eyes are there to be used

I should just put a mirror in front of him at all times And then he'll only check himself out Because he's mad about himself He's just walked in at all times and then he'll only check himself out because he's mad about himself like I everyone yeah there he is he's just walked in I think once checking people out

but once you're kind of sound about it like I went out with a guy before and I was like this is this is really embarrassing now like

I'd walk into somewhere oh like too much in front of you just no respect like it's like stop like I get it but I'd walk into somewhere and I knew straight away if there was a girl there who was his type I'd no respect like it's like stop like I get it but I'd walk into

somewhere and I knew straight away if there was a girl there who was his type I'd know straight away it's like oh no and I'd get sick because I'd know

that he'd he'd just be staring at her the whole time yeah and then she'd be kind of smirking back and I'd just be sitting there

like a tool it was awful but like sometimes the eye is drawn and you can't help it we're animals. Let's face it.

Yeah, but you do a little, you do a little sneaky look, but like, I keep talking about Neil on the pod, but when Neil doesn't like somebody for some reason, like I can see him throwing that person

the filthiest look and he can't hold it back. It's just in his face and he'll be like glaring at this person. I'm like, oh my God, please stop. That person's going to look. Some people can't help it. They can't hold it back it's just in his face and he'll be like glaring at this person I'm like oh my god please stop that person's gonna look some people can't help it

they can't help it whether it's an angry or sexual way yeah they just they have no they have very strong tells it's like I can tell like my ex's tell

was just do it I was like do you know what I mean it's like you're just doing it and it's right in front of me it's very embarrassing for me and you're trying to like get his attention back and his eyes are just

following this young one around the restaurant anyway oh that's such sex dreams about your best friend's husband it's not ideal however

I agree with Vogue you're probably giving it too much attention also dreams are dreams don't mean what they mean sometimes you know

like sometimes you're like fucking riding a dolphin through a shopping centre. Sometimes they just don't make any sense. I mean riding, I don't actually mean sexually penetrating a dolphin. I mean on the back of a dolphin. I have to say, I have never, I've had obviously sex dreams, but I can't remember having any about men. No, make of that what you will. Joanne's always having sex dreams about me.

That's what I'm going to make of that. Okay. Well, I see Vogue and I'm blushing. I'm like, oh God, folks. Last time I saw you, we were in a very compromising position I'm so glad you're dressed now we're going to be

in Australia soon we've announced a Brisbane show we've got Sydney we've got Melbourne. We've got... Perth. Perth.

That's it. Yeah. That's all we have for this week. That's it. Come and see us and join. Join us.

Okay, goodbye. I have to go. I'm catching a flight. Sayonara. What language? You're so bilingual today. Sayonara. What's a plane?

No! Sayonara. Eeya hawa you know bonnui there you go Bye.