My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Lie back, relax & play Candy Crush..."

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

The emails keep rolling in by their hundreds and this week, it might be yours! Vogue & Joanne delve into sleep recordings, unsuccessful waxing and an unfortunate comment on a work do. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to the extras episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. I meant to say to you, so, do you see how I reacted there? Like I felt like I was going to get a bit of gossip and it nearly, honestly, I nearly can't handle how excited I am. I fell off the chair practically. I know we're're so we're such thirst buckets for information it's desperate desperate um there was a woman was telling me that she was on holidays and um she was uh wearing fake tan because she was you know a white Irish woman so basically banya and um banya means milk joe. I love Banya.

And, she was lathering on the fake tan. Yours, yours, of course. Yes. Yeah. Best in the biz.

And, she was wearing these bath, like she had her bathrobe, you know, and the bathrobe, they was getting like browner and browner and browner over the course of the week,

wherever she was. I think she was in Spain. And she came back from one evening from somewhere into the hotel and the hotel manager was there with the bath towel and she goes excuse me can i speak to you and your woman's like what is this and she was like yeah she was pulled up by the hotel they were like it's the most disgusting thing we've ever seen

they must have thought it was poopy poo or something they obviously thought she'd I don't know they obviously thought she'd shat herself

relentlessly over the week again and again and again in the same bathrobe maybe they were like stop using this bathrobe it's toilet paper well I will say

right tan tip tan tip right here you have to let the tan dry and then you can put on your clothes and go about your day don't be putting the bathrobe on right after so she was putting it on every day she was tanning every single day do you get me so anyway um but she was saying to your woman also also can i say slightly excessive? But anyway, she was like, that's bare by vogue. That's washable. I'll come out. Anyway, she said she stormed off.

Your woman wanted to pay. She was almost like, we're charging you for another bath towel, right? So then your woman went up to her husband. She goes, go down and sort that woman out. Like, go and sort it out. Like, go down and basically give her a bollocking and tell her, how dare she speak to me like that. And we're not paying for the bath towel, whatever.

So he went down down he came back up and he goes I've sorted it and she's like oh my god what amazing what you're doing and he goes I paid her

paid her for the bath towel do you know what take that home with you because it will come out take it home of course it will you've just bought yourself a nice hotel quality bath cloth

and do you know what else ghosted 20 for the tan right I'm going to set that up ghosted 20 on Bare by Vogue. You can have 20% off. Imagine the humiliation

because I had to think of it myself. When I went to Mallorca to do Love Island, after some, I have to quantify that, I forgot my tanning mitt, right? And I was like, oh my God.

So I put my Bare by Vogue on, ultra dark tan, with a towel. Well, with a sock at first. And the sock, the sock was leaking through to my hand. So I was like, I'm going to have to go. So I covered entire bare by Vogue

in Bare by Vogue. And I left it there and I almost wanted to leave a note with it to be like, it's not what you think. This isn't what it looks like. But I couldn't. So I just liked it. But I almost wanted to leave a note with it to be like it's not what you think this isn't what it looks like but I couldn't so I just liked it but I was like

I'd say they I'd say they picked it up with like a sanitized fork I cannot I would not all you had to do apply with your tan your hands

and then just wash it off and then oh my god no see I don't know because I haven't when I took the sock off the tan had steeped through to my hands

and I'm from the generation Where we had to put tan On with our hands And we all just had Brown hands all the time Do you remember? So I didn't know Who was going to wash off or not

And I was about to do This live television show And I was like Well I can't afford To have brown hands So yeah So then when I got to the villa The holding villa

Liv who was doing my hair Makeup My ankles I was completely white From the ankles Down In a strapless pair of shoes On the television And I I was like, uh-oh. To God love her, she was down painting, painting my ankles up, painting them brown for me. The absolute fear of seeing her

walking along streaky, knowing that she wears Bare by Vogue. Oh my God, putting it on a bath towel. I'm like, when wearing Bare by Vogue and Vogue denying it on Instagram, she's like, this is incorrect. This is not true. She's on Instagram she's like this is incorrect this is not true she's not that's some other brand definitely not me that's Antropay that's Antropay

okay me and my friend had spent a couple of months travelling around Southeast Asia when we finished university classic

when we reached the Philippines at this point in our we were looking slightly dishevelled so we decided to treat ourselves to a bikini wax at a salon we find a salon pay the money and my friend goes into the

treatment room first over an hour later my friend emerges looking extremely uneasy before I had a chance to ask her what took her so long the beautician ushers me away for my treatment I lie down the woman again begins her work however after numerous attempts at the same area with a wax strip the woman tells me it's no good the wax doesn't work on you either we will have to do

the same as we did to your friend before I have time to ask any questions two more women enter the room one of the women hands me an iPad

and tells me to lie back relax and play candy crush the next thing I know there are three small Filipino women plucking no plucking my fanny with tweezers.

I was too British to tell them no, so I simply did as I was told, lying on the bed, legs akimbo, playing Candy Crush on the iPad for the next hour. I think the lowest point of the whole ordeal was when I had to stop the three women midway through plucking to ask if they had any other games as my friend who had been in prior had ran me out of lives on candy crush safe to say the whole experience has put me off oh myogue you need to send them One of your Nintendo Switches Considering what a gamer Considering How you love gaming yourself Nintendo Switch and a Brillo pad Little care package from Vogue Well they'll need the Brillo pad

To fucking exfoliate After that shit God love them That is Oh my god I do remember having a similar like dodgy kind of whacking experience in when i was in thailand now i'm talking i was in like you know with the kind of is this the same time you got your hair done and they literally pull the scalp off you when they burn my hair like a ham no um but just it took so long and

like that like she was getting really annoyed at me and then she was like when was your last wax like I like I know I was like I'm not that bad like she was doing me obviously I from the eyebrows down honestly laser is the way forward you have to like now I haven't had my top ups in ages but like like it's just minimal the upkeep I have to say when I got laser on the legs it did it did actually kind of it is life-changing really because I was you know now bit disappointed I tried to do my Natasha and I'd had that upper lip tattoo which meant I couldn't get my tash done so I do I and I had to upgrade from the I know I had to upgrade from the Jolene because it wasn't cutting it so

I just had like glistening blonde hairs I now have to pluck the tash but I'm surprised because you can't wax light blonde hair sorry you can't laser light blonde hair it's not light blonde on the old tash

I've never I've never once noticed that Jo have you noticed that? not once excuse me I've got a giant cocoa pop

on the side of my mouth do you not think that like disperses dark hair? Absolutely revolting. Where's my tweet? I thought you were going to say something like, do you not think that's just distracting you from what's actually on my lips? I was like, oh.

That's what my brother used to say. What did you have for breakfast, Vogue? Was it cocoa pops? I'd be like, oh, you're so funny, Frederick. Yes, I had cocoa pops. And now they're all over my face. It's your beauty spot. Okay, next email is the fear focus you on

i just woke up from a night out and recall telling my colleague that if he was ever interested i'd have no objections i remember nothing else from the night except that phrase i think i'm going to remember it until i'm dead important to say i'm not attracted to him even slightly he weirdly looks like my sister i hate that he looks like my sister she said what to him what'd you say she said it's actually terrible if he was ever interested I'd have no objections do you know what like drink and work parties and staff and everything no it's just a big no no it's a no no no no no no no no no no and if you're going to do it like three drink maximum honestly spare yourself i'll never forget one of the like the most drunk i've ever been and still to this

day i don't remember what happened I was at one of those Brit award after parties absolutely deranged do not remember getting home I woke up on my couch with a duvet and I looked at my phone uber said three o'clock in the morning got home and I went downstairs I was gonna hop in the shower and I realized someone had been sleeping in the bed downstairs in the spare room like the two single beds were unmade to this day I do not know I was sleeping there and they obviously had put the duvet on me I must have just like done a me and just fallen asleep on the couch don't know who the people were staying in my house I mean Vogue stories there's always a low level suggestion of sexual assault in Vogue stories have you noticed that show no I will I will say they were kind people whoever

they were they put a blanket on me upstairs and I woke up delighted that is kind of freaky though I know it kind of scared it scared me into like really like not drinking as much anymore except for all those times i fell asleep in the cage beside you i feel comfy with you but it's isn't it scary when you know like you wake up and you're you know that you were operating in the world you know what i mean you were in and out of places doing bits and bobs but like a zombie like you weren't in your own mind but you were communicating with people make it with this I'm making phone calls yes being a zombie you're you're a human you're still able yeah you're still able to have use of your phone I used to wake up some mornings and I'd look at my insta stories oh god I know oh my

god like at least no but now sometimes I do wake up and I see very lovey-dovey messages from me sent to someone else and I'm like ah I know I'm I'm I'm my best most affectionate self after a couple of drinks do you remember the Q&A I did when I was still absolutely locked after they did the palladiums and I went on my insta live like what it wasn't insta live I was like Q&A ask me anything ask me anything and I was like 20 mimosas down and I'm there like I just looked I looked so rough and I was answering all these

questions and then I realised I was like Joanne but I said to Vogue I was like can you believe I did that Q&A absolutely pissed and she goes yeah I can but I can't believe you left them all up and I was like oh my god yeah 24 hours she didn't even bother taking them down I was like oh my god yeah 24 hours she didn't even bother taking them down

I was like why are they still there get rid of them hide the shame I used to have I don't post when I'm drunk now ever

like ever never I might post a comment about something on the telly but I would never like do a face to camera thing when I've had a couple

of drinks now because it's like it's like taking photos when you're pissed you think it's grey crack and then you wake up the next day and you're like I look out of my mind and I've humiliated myself. Forever you were in my house. I know what you're gonna say.

You're in my house and you had to do like an interview or something on TV and you'd had loads of drinking oh my god yeah and you went got the ring light and you had to do

you were so I did yeah so bad and I thought I was Grant and like

I told you you were Grant yeah of course you did I wasn't Grant it told you you were Grant yeah of course you did I wasn't Grant it's like you're Grant there was a couple of times I've done that a couple I've done that a couple of times

in your house at least you went and got the ring light yeah dressed head to toe in Vogue's clothes with the ring light downstairs

pissed at the basement doing like trying to be a professional hey guys i started seeing a guy in late january of this year when we were about five weeks into seeing each other and i agreed to be exclusive we were in his bed together one morning and he said he only had he had one of those apps on his phone that you set up and it records you sleep talking. It only records if you set it up not every night. That sounds a bit

okay. He said he had a really funny recording of him sleep talking one night and wanted to show me. He had maybe 10 recordings and started to click on them to find the one he was looking for. The first maybe three recordings were all a girl's voice. I couldn't make out what she was saying and he turned it off very quickly he told me there were sleep talk recordings from when he was with his ex anyway that memory popped into my mind today and i got

a bad gut feeling i went on the app and on his phone i know invasion of privacy and listened to the recordings lo and behold there were older recordings of him and his ex Dirty talking and having sex And he still Has them on his phone We don't live together but we stay the night with each other Between three and five times a week And he's never mentioned the app to me since that one time I've no idea if he just forgot That his recordings were there or if he listens to them still

Do I ask him about it? I'd have to tell him I was snooping and I know he'd get Beyond annoyed, I'm scared He still listens to the recording should I go back on his phone and delete them I'm sick to my oh no oh no now this is the problem you went looking for trouble and what did you find she found trouble she found trouble this is with a capital t yeah oh my I think that's actually the worst email I've ever heard on this podcast that's that's it's like it I've ever Heard on this podcast It's like

But you know what It's over I'm being serious it's over How do you go back from that Do you know when you're Look how serious she is it's over It's over There's no going back from that

When you're with someone Do you know when you kind of have to remember that they've had sex before you it kind of makes you feel physically sick I actually had to say it's Benny's friends used to like joke about things and I'd be like guys no you know what like I'm not here for those jokes and I don't discuss people that I have slept with before because I am a virgin yeah exactly yes we're all just trying to pretend to our partners that we are virgins um and they should do the same and they do the same and they do do the same and that's fine but so knowing that he's having sex like so and that's maybe that's a very juvenile attitude but

that's always my attitude i hate the idea you're like oh it's horrible thinking about it it makes you feel it makes you feel really jealous even if you're not a jealous person if you hear something like that The jealousy Will just spike And actually Like be the worst Some people are like Who cares

They're like Do you know Kind of shaman type people But me We're not them We're regular Regular birds Yeah

We get jealous We don't like it So having heard The sex Oh god That'd be it for me now The sex How much of the sex

was listened to? This is actually making me feel a bit sick. It does make me feel quite uncomfortable. I'm glad that I'll never have to experience it when I hope touch would.

But no, you cannot ask him about it. You have to deal with it in your own way. You've cracked into his phone. You're not even together a year. Yeah. Or get really drunk

and ask him about it. I don't know. For me, it'd be over. It'd be be just i could never have sex with him again for me it wouldn't be over but for me what would happen is i'd have two vodkas and i'd it would come straight out or do you know what she could do she could oh my god it's so awful i'd really hate to hear that it'd be like hearing your mom and dad having sex but way worse. Way worse. She could trick him by learning the script, learning all the words

that the girl said in the exact order she said it. That's the worst advice. No. It's the worst advice Joanne's ever given. Look at Jo's eyes. Recreate it so he knows you've heard.

And be better. But he doesn't know now? But he knows. But he doesn't know now? But he knows. But he doesn't know now. Please, please don't do that. Just don't, don't do that. Whatever you do, don't do that. And then he'll crack.

And don't look at his phone anymore because you're just not going to find anything nice that you want. If you're looking for trouble, as I said, you're going to find trouble. So stay away from it. Don't say a word. You're going to have to cut out the booze for a while because otherwise you're just going to come out and just tell him what you did.

And he'll be annoyed at you and you'll be annoyed at him. Have his phone cloned in one of those phone shops. Oh God. Learn the script of the sex challenge and psych him out. Psych! I would find it strange.

Even if your partner has like photos of their ex on their like sexy photos but the thing about it is do you know what this is all just like i mean ideally you'd always love to go into your boyfriend's wank bank and just empty it out and just take a photo you in there on your own but like that's not real life unfortunately no actually speddy and i were discussing um having sex dreams about oh no i we were discussing having sex dreams about other people i was like excuse me what but he had a sex dream about me having sex with someone else the other night and he woke up and he was a bit like cold with me in the morning and i was like what the fuck have i done and then he was like oh sorry actually it just it just traveled with me for a little bit of the morning there they traveled with me great phrase if that was me if i woke up i'd be like

listen just leave i don't want to talk to you today get out why don't we give the advice we always give run away say goodbye to your old life and just move on okay start afresh ghosted island that's what we need to do. You're so rich. You need to buy an island and we need to create a safe space for these women where they could go when they burnt down their previous life out of shame and embarrassment. And then we'll all live together on Ghosted Island. I will buy Ireland's iron hose.

Get ready. Ghosted Island is a coming. Oh, come on. That sounds like, that feels like a punishment. Not being bad, but like if we're going to go to an island, we coming oh come on that sounds like that feels like a punishment not being bad but like if we're gonna go to an island we wanna go to a hot

do you know what I mean send us somewhere decent some baths some baths oh that's more like it now I'd be burning down my life on purpose well

that's the end of another bonus episode with me, Fogue Williams, and her, Joanne McNally. I must go now and breastfeed Otto and Spencer. A tit each. Good night and good luck. Bye.