My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "MTGM got me pregnant..."

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

So how on earth, is this podcast responsible for somebody's pregnancy?! Find out! Plus, more lost airpods, an angry cyclist and more ghosted merch on the way! If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally and Bertie licking my face. Do you want him as your godson instead? Would that make you happier? He looks like a bit more crack than I do, if I'm being totally honest. He's got kind of a gamier smile. You could have told me that was Winston.

That's where I am in my life now. Anyone who's small and tiny they all look the same to me. You could have told me that was Otto, Winston or Bertie and I would have been like

yeah fair. Bertie. We say Bertie. This is why I love his name so much because I say Bertie you say Bertie Spenny says Batty

and like my kids say Batty. Why do you say it Joe? Bertie. It'd be Bertie for me yeah. Bertie Spenny says Batty and like my kids say Batty why do you say it Joe? Bertie It'd be Bertie for me Bertie It's such a great name like it's so many different ways

of saying it you know I do love a human name for an animal and also I love an animal name for a human like I wish I was called Max or I don't know

Fido Fido Fido Yeah Scooby Something like that Everyone's calling their dogs Rock on now Spot

Spot I'd answer to Spot I was reading about Spot last night He's an idiot Do you know that Spot What an idiot The dad's actually an idiot Spot

The dog Oh Jesus Oh my god I'm reading I don't know what you're saying that for Jo You're about to start reading Spot the dog Let me tell you Otto loves Spot the dog I Oh, Jesus. I'm reading. I don't know what you're saying that for, Jo. You're about to start reading Spot the dog. Let me tell you, Otto loves Spot the dog. I can't believe Spot's still doing the round.

He's got a longer longevity than Madonna. How do they do it? Because they don't ever die. Because they're fake. Yeah. Anne and Barry, I was a big fan of. They were our school books, really. Point Horror, when I was a young teen

Goosebumps as a young teen easing into my womanhood I was strung out on Point Horrors My Best Fiend loved there was a series of books

called My Best Fiend I think it was honestly just about a girl getting bullied but I loved it I never read those ones yeah I liked horror-y ones

like I did I loved all the Goosebumps ones and I loved the Babysitter's Club what are you reading at the moment I'm reading I saw I saw Harry and Meghan are supposedly doing a TV show and I was like well if

they're making a TV show it must be good and I bought it and it is good meet me at the lake and yeah Spenny's been here, so I haven't been reading too much of it. I'm just gotten back into it because he's going off to record a TV show.

But we also watched Bad Sisters, so that took up a lot of our time because we couldn't stop watching it. So now we're on Meet, I'm back to Meet Me at the Lake. It's a good book. I was reading Ordinary Human Failings by Megan Nolan,

but I lost it. And I just, there's just something in me that kind of finds it very difficult to buy it again do you know what I mean and this is

you double buy books all the time people be bitching now going oh do you hear she's asking she's looking for a freebie on the bod of the book it's just

it's not I'm not I'll eventually get around to buying it again I just I can't buy it again so closely I've only just replaced

my airpods I just don't understand I I just, I can't buy it again so closely. I've only just replaced my AirPods. I just don't understand. I just don't, I don't understand. Right, how did you lose a book? How?

Because I, it's just, you leave it, like I left it. I don't, I don't know, Vogue. I don't know.

Okay. If you, if you could collect all your belongings that you've always left in hotels, if you could actually get a bag full of all of your old belongings,

you'd be so happy to see all your old stuff because it would be actually the nicest stuff ever. I'm sure there's a good, a good portion of my wardrobe in there too that I'd like to see again.

I'd say 100%. I'd say like, I wouldn't even, I don't even know where my birth cert is. Do you know what I mean? Like it's quite bad. Like I don't keep it.

I don't know. Anyway. I told you, I've offered Neil's I've offered my stepdad Neil to you Joanne he loves looking after birth certs he'll have your passport copied he's just renewed my driver's license for me he's incredible I give 10 stars Neil Wilson I lost another airpod and then I was like I was do you know what happened I was in I was boarding the flight to Dubai from Portugal going east

allegedly according to Alan Iden obviously a clue but I was just wondering why I was so tired yesterday that is east okay

calm down Joe like come on our human compass there yeah Christ anyway it doesn't matter I was getting on the

on the plane and this little child came up and tapped me on the back and this little child came up and tapped me on the back and handed me 20 euro note and my bank card had fallen out of my

purse because my purse was upside down because I was looking for my passport blah blah blah and I went oh my god

thank you so much and I walked away and I went the real sound thing now if we go back and give that child that 20 quid and let them be

like reward the kid so I went back and I kind of pushed through a couple of people he was there with his mother and I was like there you go tell that child that 20 quid and let them be, like, reward the kid. So I went back and I kind of pushed through a couple of people. He was there with his mother. And I was like, there you go, tell me it's 20 quid. Flat out refused to take it. I was like, take it, take it. He wouldn't take it.

His mother was like, no, no, no, no, no. And then I was like, this is really embarrassing now. I'm like forcing this child. I was like, just take it. People are looking now. Just take the 20 quid. He wouldn't take it. I was like, who is this saint

of a child they don't know what money is they only they tap you should have monzo'd him or revoluted him

he doesn't know what cash is actually you're probably dead right he's like this woman's after dropping some rubbish

and she needs to learn a lesson that it's bad for the environment to drop your rubbish behind you cheeky little bitch pick your rubbish up

and then I was going back down. No, you keep that rubbish. That's yours now. You found it. That's probably what, you're dead right. That's probably what happened.

You touched it. He must keep it. He wouldn't take it. And through the jigs and the rails, I boarded the plane. I was down an AirPod and I was on the plane going, I just had to look at it like rent.

Every month I have to pay 300 quid on a pair of AirPods. And that's just, that's just, that's just what my life is going to be. I just have to look at it like rent every month I have to pay 300 quid on a pair of airpods and that's just that's just that's just what my life is going to be I just have to accept it do you want

that's what I I just have to put them in the budget every month 300 quid on a pair of airpods and I'll get another job it's just it's

do you know how long now I don't want to jinx myself I'll touch wood do you know how long I've had my airpods my airpods are actually out of date now I've had them for so long

just look after your stuff put them on your find my iPhone I can't take anymore and when you come over here tomorrow you're barred from borrowing my stuff because I don't want it

it's not going to Canada and not coming back okay I'll tell you what you can borrow I'm going to have to set up an OnlyFans to pay for my AirPods I think you would do quite well

I think you would do quite well on OnlyFans I'm just saying okay they're just so expensive I was watching oh my god I was watching this thing

last night I don't know how I was this guy with this genetic mutation on his foot they're basically there was like trees spreading out of his feet oh my god

did you see that man I know this man got an x-ray a Russian man he went and got an x-ray because he thought they thought he had cancer of the lung.

Cancer in his lungs. Now obviously this is way less like cancer would have been way worse but still. There was a tree growing in his lung. A tree. A fir tree. Like he was getting set up for Christmas or something. Do not smoke trees. We've said that

before in the podcast. It's not good. Don't smoke trees. Stop swallowing before in the podcast. It's not good. Don't smoke trees. Stop swallowing seeds. Don't swallow. But tree seeds. How did you get the tree inside them? I don't know. I assume it would have been inhaling something or other doing this.

The thought of anything growing inside you kind of makes me, it actually makes me feel nauseous. Like it makes me feel sick in my stomach the idea of kind of some other organism inside your body whether it be a worm in a brain or a tree in a lung whatever I just can't it makes me do you ever see that man who like turned to bark do you remember and his hands are like big long trees that's what your man with the foot that was the genetic mutation your man this lad had on his foot it was like

it was like a um Veruca gone mad it was just it was like flowering out and you're wondering and the

the pedantriest or whatever they call it the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist

the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist the pediatrist who was looking after him the pediatrician who was looking after him The paediatrician who was looking after his feet What's a fucking chiropodist then? Same thing

Just for a different Like I think it's a chiropodist Who looks after the verrucas I think a podiatrist looks after like I don't know the bones in your feet I just made that up though completely Gotcha Well no I made that up completely,

so it mightn't be true. Well, I'm assuming it's not true. That's my guess. That's my guess. Look up the difference there, Jo, will you? It says there's no technical difference at all. It's just podiatrist is a more modern name, it says. Interesting.

Yeah, chiropodist kind of ran its course. It lost its glam. There was too many verrucas associated with them. Tell me, I wasos kind of ran its course. It lost its glam. There was too many Verrucas associated with them. Tell me, I was going to ask you something there.

How did you get the story of the man with his feet from OnlyFans? Why? Is he on OnlyFans selling his feet? Huh? That's where that story

came from. You were talking about OnlyFans, then you were telling me about the man with the tree growing out of his foot and I thought that maybe he had an OnlyFans account.

Oh no, sorry. I could not tell you how that, I cannot tell you how that thought process happened. I really, I can't. I know it happened three seconds ago but I have no explanation for it at all and I apologise.

I don't know. It must be the jet lag. It must be the jet lag. The jet lag that I, if people keep reminding me I have it, I will indulge myself more. If people just don't, I just don't admit that I have jet lag and then... If people keep reminding me I have it, I will indulge myself more. If people just don't... I just don't admit that I have jet lag

and then I just carry on. I don't think you can fully get jet lag from Dubai. It's only like four hour time difference. I think maybe kids can get jet lag, but you're not allowed... I'm not accepting you coming here tomorrow and thinking that you're not hanging out with me because of the jet lag.

Okay? So I was taking Otto this morning to Baby Judo because he's got loads of different classes because he's not in nursery yet. So we went to Baby Judo, right? Lovely Monday morning. It's really sunny in London. Couldn't be a nicer day. On the way back, I'm crossing the road

in a really quiet street, right? And this woman just kind of appears out of nowhere on a bike. So, like, I'm just nearly on the other footpath. And she cycles by me and goes, fucking idiot. And I was like, did I hear that? And I said, what? She goes, you fucking idiot. She was Australian.

I love you Australians, but I did not love her. And I was like, you are a strange woman. I had a baby in a buggy and you're calling me a fucking idiot because I crossed the road and you appeared out of nowhere but I just was like some people are just so shit I've like had an overhaul in life where I'm just like I am not putting up with any shit people around me I I've had a little, I've had a little like, what's it called? Muti-mute-mute on Instagram. Really enjoy it.

It makes Instagram a nicer place for me because I don't want to be like annoying anyone by unfollowing them. But there's certain people I'm just like, got to unfollow you. You drive me mad. And then it's just about keeping, like I've got a nice circle around me. I don't have any shit people in my ether anymore. And then that little witch comes out of nowhere and calls me a fucking idiot in front of my baby.

That is overtly aggressive and there is no need for that. Did you get her license plate? No, I just fucked my bottle at her. Do you know that cyclist who goes around filming people on their phones do you know him

yeah he's got like a camera and a drone I think he might have been involved in an accident I don't know what his motivation is I think maybe he was hit by a driver before

something like that but he goes around and he's got loads of celebrities and he's gotten them like texting on their phone I saw takes photos and gives them all points

and everything yeah there was a big article about him somewhere recently. Kind of like an activist on a bike. You know, they can check now, like as in,

well, they always could, but if you're in a car crash, they'll check your phone history and if you were texting or anything was sent or they'll know that you're on your phone behind the wheel.

Sometimes I even think though, because I have no sense of direction, I'll always have my, my sat-nav on, like even if it's on in the car, but like you're still kind of taking your eyes off the road just like to glance at it sometimes.

I think that can be quite distracting. I try and just listen to that, but I couldn't, I could not drive and text. No way. No way. I'm too busy watching documentaries. Blueberries a superfood

that'll do my drive to Cork perfect her 17 hour drive to Cork because she's put it wrong and her satin off again oh yeah no tells

no tells anyway okay we have got some did you see our merch by the way that's coming out

oh I have it here, so I can, you can, oh no, I don't want to share. Why? I've only got one tracksuit of each, and I know I'm going to have to share.

Damn it! Oh, you won't have to share, you won't have to share, I promise. You're really going to like it, they're really good sizes, and stuff like that.

Oh, cool. So we've got, those tracksuits, by the way, for everyone asking me, because I just put them up, but like,

I don't think I mentioned, that they're not ready yet They will be here in the next month And then they'll go straight on our store But they're not ready yet And we've got those notepads coming On our water bottles And then we'll have a big

Full store of merch Thank God Because we've been We've been having to populate The whole website with socks For about six months Socks aren't even in yet It's just hats

Are they not? Beanies for the summer. Who wants a woolly hat for August? That's it. Yeah, it was the beanie hats. We were throwing them

into crowd in Dubai going, we really didn't think this through. There's no time where anyone in Dubai can wear them. Yeah.

By the way, just to say, I did my Dubai show on the agenda the other night and I loved it. It was my first show back. I haven't done it in a month. Yeah.

And just thank you so much to everyone who came and made it a really, really fun show. What was the handbag thing you posted? Oh, yeah. So, Love in Dubai. You know, they have these like, we have a Love in Dublin Instagram account So Love in Dubai you know they have these like we have a Love in Dublin

Instagram account Love in Dubai posted a photo of there was about 14 handbags in a row like kind of saving seats and they just called it

at an event in Dubai and I was like would you not have given me the tag? Go on. Would you not have given me the fucking tag in the post if I didn't anyway.

Anyway it was that's because in Dubai I think it's because there's no crime like I don't think you'd be leaving 15 bags in a row

in Vicar Street I don't know maybe you would but certainly you can do it in Dubai you can't be gay but you can leave your handbags around

you know pros and cons. Hi ladies. That includes Jo. With the return of the MTGM tour in autumn, Joanne likes to call it our autumnal tour. Isn't that right, Joanne? The autumnal tour.

Yeah, autumnal. I wanted to give a word a word of warning to anyone planning to attend who is currently using one of the many hormone

temperature recording contraceptive methods spoiler they don't work now what are they is that just the pull out trick I guess it's like

tracking your period and deciding when what days you can be pregnant and what days you can't like checking if you're ovulating maybe

oh no my period just comes whenever it feels like it I wouldn't days you can't like checking if you're ovulating maybe oh no my period just comes whenever it feels like it I wouldn't say mine isn't like mine certainly isn't a 28 day cycle I don't know what my cycle is

sometimes it's 10 days sometimes it's 28 days I've known it to be for a full month yeah yeah that's happened before you're dead right

anyway very expensive on the old tampax that was I'm even finding them a bit uncomfortable at the moment I might try that moon cup everyone's gone on about have Tampax that was. I'm even finding them a bit uncomfortable at the moment. I might try that moon cup everyone's gone on about. Have you ever tried that?

Oh yeah, no. But I believe it to be the way forward. Yeah, I don't know. I might try. I'd need a jar. I'd need a moon jar. I don't think a cup's going to do it, to be honest. A moon bucket.

Girls, has anyone seen my moon barrel? It's about six metres high I had it Caroline we're moving it from the UK I had it in the back of the van Has anyone seen it? No? Weird Anyway I came to your show at the Palladium back in May Got on the van has anyone seen it now? weird anyway I came to your show

at the Palladium back in May got on the Prosecco and was absolutely rad arse by the end of the night had an absolute blast that's what you like to hear next day

one of the worst hangovers of my life struggling to take my temperature for the bastard app the very second I woke up listening to the beep beep of the thermometer record in the app

what is this thing but forgot to acknowledge the thousand drinks I'd had the night before and bingo up. Listening to the beep beep of the thermometer record in the app what is this thing? But forgot to acknowledge the thousand drinks I'd had the night before and bingo it's a green day. Managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed in London and travel back up to Leeds between a few bombs oh god there's nothing worse

other half rustled up a delish pasta ragu which always gets me in the mood and the next thing you know we're banging while my head's still banging. Okay. Well, now I'm pregnant. Almost halfway pregnant. And I can't help but put the blame

on the MTGM show being such a hoop that I couldn't stop knocking back the vinos. Also turns out, you should record even drinking when you add your temperature. Who knew? June, February. Who should I call it?

Vogue or Joanne I wouldn't I wouldn't call a child Vogue I don't think it's fair Why don't you call it Vogue Vauan yeah like

give us both a nod I like Vauan Vauan's kind of nice that would be if we do start writing eventually which we probably will because there's always been a bit of a vibe there

100% it's going to happen that would be our celebrity name that's gonna be a good day I can't wait for that to happen I give it I give a couple years couple years I'm still slightly confused as to her the temperature taking and the green light and the was she trying to get pregnant or not but that's on me I guess no well we don't know what that app is but I'm assuming it's just an app that makes you know when you're getting your period but I just I just don't know if I would trust that. Congratulations. Call the child after one of the animals. And Winnie's feeling

very down at the moment I told you he's on heart meds now but what I will say is what I thought would happen Winnie was chasing Bertie around yesterday they were having a lot of fun chasing each other around springing a step that's all I wanted when he's like a dog five years younger

but still on heart rate yeah yeah is there any way they'd hook up I'm serious um when he doesn't

well when he has no balls so I don't think he's into that kind of thing he's never been a humper either his little pink lipstick comes out quite often so you never so I don't think he's into that kind of thing. He's never been a humper either. His little pink lipstick comes out quite often so you never know. I don't know, maybe he's still sexual. I'd say he's got a bit of a pep in his step. My dog, our family

dog Roxanne, may she rest in peace. We had her spayed like loads of times. No, we had her spayed once and that didn't stop her up on her little bed, humping away. God love her. Like, it's just so sad.

They're like, it's like she had a phantom, like a phantom clit. I don't know. What do they take off a dog? I can't say right now, embarrassingly enough. They take in her ovaries and stuff, I think. Oh my God. Did we hysterectomize our dog? That's so sad.

Poor Roxanne okay next email dear Vogue and Joanne divorce has come up a lot over the recent weeks so I want oh have we been talking about divorce I hope we haven't't said it. Okay. Over the recent weeks, so I wanted to write in because I find myself at a crossroads. My husband and I split up 18 months ago. Ooh, together for 15 years. Married for three. COVID and having a baby hit us pretty hard,

but we also had a pretty dysfunctional emotional relationship. You name it, we tried it. Open marriage, couples counselling, time apart, fresh start with the dream house, etc, etc, etc. Nothing seemed to break the cycle of the fact that we clearly couldn't make each other happy and fulfil each other's emotional and physical needs.

She sounds very grown up. She sounds very measured. Very measured. So far... Emotionally intelligent, but a lot of EI. I feel like she'd be like a nice vibe. Do you know what? She wouldn't call me a fucking idiot. Well, we don't know now if I would. Put lot of EI. I feel like she'd be like a nice vibe. Do you know what? She wouldn't call me

a fucking idiot. Well, we don't know now. Put her on a bike. I mean, people do change when they get on a bike. They do. Can't a red bull on a bike. Like, they can be quite violent.

So far, the separation has been very amicable. Shared parenting, financially pretty even. I've been dating and at first it was pretty bloody bleak. Turns out the Midlands isn't an underground hotspot for hot single mature guys who are happy to date a single mom in her mid-30s. However, I recently met a guy who has been ticking a lot of the boxes. What I felt was missing from my marriage and is totally respectful of my situation and happy to take things at my pace.

Wow. Oh, this is a good email but my ex calls this week and wants to make a final final decision about us 80 of me knows it makes zero sense to try again all of my friends and family would advise against it but i'm finding it so hard to make the final call i still feel so sad I also don't want to be a complete dick to this new guy he's putting in so much effort and I genuinely have such a lovely time with him

and feel he could be a much healthier option but feels like a huge risk I think I just need some no nonsense straight talk tell me how it is and what to do next

figured your combined life experiences you're just the girls I need I mean you just you seem to have your shit together a lot more than us how it is and what to do next. Figured your combined life experiences. You're just the girls I need. I mean, you just, you seem to have your shit together a lot more than us. Like my,

well, I tell you my first thought. Fair. My first thought, because I'm like, go back to him. Run. Go back.

Go back into the toxic shit show that you know doesn't work. Do it. Love your auntie Joanne that's what I think oh no no I'm actually I'm joking I'm joking I just feel like if she's 80% right when I have done the long goodbye

and like if you've got a child and everything involved I can understand why she's kind of like, there's still 20% of her that wants to go back. I think that like, there will always be 20% of you that wants to make it work. But if you really think that it's never going to work and you've tried loads and loads and loads of different things, maybe it is just time to just say no.

It's never time. Like as in, I broke up with one guy, I honestly, I'd say 15 times in quite a short space of time. And we just, it was like, and the time,

you could literally set your clock by it. We'd get back together. It'd be amazing. Amazing. And then three months in, four months in, it would start unraveling again

and we'd break up. And then a month would pass. Literally four weeks. You could have set your clock by it. Someone breaks. It was usually him, actually. And then you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, back into the shit show. And it's amazing at the start.

See, it's very hard to remember the bad times. I think we're just wired to remember apparently you're wired to remember laughing the most you remember laughing with someone anyway

it's you know yourself it's never going if it hasn't worked at this point and if you've done the hard stuff it's probably not going to work

exactly yeah you've done the hard stuff he's moved out of the house like that I think is the is the most difficult stuff you said yourself that you tried counselling you tried open marriage um you tried getting a new house there's loads of things I just I feel like that you've really tried my god

like that's you've really given it your all fair play every time I went back to that lad it got a little worse it just got a little worse every time. And then you're kind of waiting for it to crack again. And you're impatient because you're like, oh, not this shit again. And then you're annoyed at yourself that you went back. And yeah, I think, I mean, obviously we're not doctors. No. Or marriage counselors.

But I wouldn't go back. If you feel like you can do it. Yeah. If you feel like you have the strength to keep going forward, push through. If you have the strength to do it. Yeah, and she does have the strength.

She sounds like she's got a lot of strength. Push through. And even a new guy who's nice to you and like you're getting on well with him, see what happens with that. Fresh chapter. There's that, like just try something new,

you know, and I think we get, because of the way our brains are wired, you know, it's very hard to break habits because you kind of train yourself

to just do the same thing because it's harder to create new neuro pathways whoa that's very true it is

it's harder to create them it's easier to just go back into your old habits and old patterns it takes a lot of work to do something new and different so that's what I read loads read all that to your old habits and old patterns it takes a lot of work to do something new

and different so that's what I read loads read all that read all the psychology behind like all that neuro pathway stuff

I think it's fascinating Joanne send her send her your discovery page on Instagram so she can go get all those like nice quotes and stuff like that

yeah get a nice live laugh love painting for your wall and just survive thrive move forward

it's always about momentum that's what I think now about moving forward it's never I don't think it's that good that often to go back

into your old ways I think you move forward even if it means you die alone and get half eaten by an Alsatian before anyone

finds you at least you've made an effort the Alsatian won't do that it'll be the cats that get you so just don't get any cats yeah just don't get any cats well everyone thanks for listening

had a great time Joanne will be back from Dubai we're going to be recording together from Wednesday very excited thank god oh my god it's been it's been quite the melt hasn't it recording remotely I'll be back from Dubai. We're going to be recording together from Wednesday. Very excited. Thank God. Oh my God.

It's been, it's been quite the melt, hasn't it? Recording remotely for this length of time. Bye.