My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "My harness..."

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

This week, both Vogue & Joanne have bought something new. Neither have much interest in, or fondness for the thing the other has bought. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. It's the face that you make before you... I don't... I told you I wanted to intro the pod and she does this face for a second and then she goes into it. It's so weird. I just have... Any level of professionalism makes me deeply uncomfortable. Three years with it.

I feel like Brian Dobbs or whatever. Brian Dobson. Dobson, yeah. Who would be a heavy hitter in the UK? Quite a serious person. Jon Snow. That's who I am. Is that one?

Yeah. There you go. Is he not the guy who discovered cholera? Oh, here she's back on the cholera. Well, it's been a while. Some things are coming back. There was a polio scare in Battersea not long ago. Battersea.

Like just confined to Battersea. What? Well, maybe it was polio. It could have been something else. There has been a huge rise in syphilis. That was a long time ago though. That started happening and it turned into Well, you brought it. You brought it here from

Ireland, remember? I did. Yes, I did. It was one of the many things I brought over from Ireland. You're welcome, Britton. Thank you. They kept folk in quarantine for nearly the guts of a year, really, to get the syphilis out of her. And then they allowed her... Remember when you brought the super gonorrhea over, though? That was...

Well, I'm sorry, but super gonorrhea deserves to travel the same as the rest of us. It deserves to travel and have a life. Joanne has a adventurous spirit it wanted to come to London what can I say and I said

climb in me I'll bring you like a mule I want to start the pod on a nice note let's pretend the last few minutes haven't happened

you know the way we mentioned that book I want to do a couple of book recommendations because I am a person that goes to bed. Sorry, what book? The book we spoke about,

I'm Glad My Mom Died. Oh, sorry, the book. Yeah, the book. That's a testament to the fact that me and Val have only ever discussed one book on the podcast. Such culture vultures we are. Remember we mentioned a book once?

Oh my God, of course, yeah. Remember the time we pretended we were reading? Yeah. Well, there's another book I found and because like I like to go to sleep at 10 o'clock

I was up till midnight last night reading this book it's called All the Broken Places by John Boyne oh so

I'm not familiar I don't know anything about that book John Boyne he's an amazing if you ever have read The Heart's Invisible Furies by him

it is incredible but he wrote The Boy in the Striped Pajamas also very deeply depressing but this is kind of like a follow on so it's like it's supposed to be

a children's book did you know that? well it certainly is I would not have a child read that book it was so upsetting but also an incredible book but this book is

amazing as well I can't stop reading it oh fab i love a good recommendation i know it's very good i'll give it to you when i'm finished but i'm over in my mom's house in spain at the moment or my stepdad nelso and uh when i tell you i have like you look like you're having a ball i'm having the time of my life the others have been dragging me down my whole life. My siblings just hanging around, clawing on, just always wanting attention. And now that I'm the only one with the attention, I'm being offered breakfast in bed.

There was homemade guacamole and homemade hummus when I got here. They're asking me if they want me to run me a bath. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself because I'm doing this pod From your house As you know Because I have no wifi In my own place yet And the kids are fucking Hanging off me I haven't had a second speech I'm like keep it down up there

For God's sake I'm trying to work When I came in It was so funny Obviously I had to Reintroduce myself to Gigi again Because we start from base Again

She looked at me And I said Do you remember me? And she goes, yeah. And I said, high five. And she gave me a high five. And then she looked back. There's this, you know,

the silver vase on the kitchen counter. Yeah. She's just staring at her own reflection. Just staring at herself lovingly. She just went back to just staring at herself. And I was saying to Rushdie, isn't it great the way she can just stare at herself like that? And Rushdie said,

it's great to have confidence in yourself. It's absolutely great. It's great to enjoy her own reflection that much. I know a way, I know a way that you can get her on site all the time. Wear jewellery. The child is like a magpie.

She'll notice, if I change one of my tiny studs, she's like, can I have that when I'm older? I don't have any jewellery and she's yours. It's mad that she's already

considering inheritance. Like, it's crazy that she is that clued into like jewellery and what's coming to her and what's not coming to her. I saw her

putting yellow stickers on the art. Mine. Mine. It's like, Gigi, why have you autographed all these things tell me about

Spain I would say it does look like you're having an absolute ball I know you're working but still my body is in bits

I've been filming for Flexi our app which is out on the 25th of January I'm very excited I'm going to give you a free a free way to watch the app.

So when you're bored at home, instead of watching TikTok, you can just watch us train. Well, I'd actually love that because to say I enjoyed myself over Christmas is quite the understatement. My God. At one point I was like, Alan't i don't know where he puts us but my god i'd love to live with alan he's always eating chinese food oh my god i'm like you're how much curry sauce can woman hold inside himself irish curry sauce come on i know what are you talking about it's china it's come from China no what yeah

what do you mean Irish curry sauce it's from a street vendor like the white sauce on the carveries I don't know what's in that either and they fly it in oh my god

so you know the way I ran twice over Christmas I've now decided I can't run again until I have a running harness there's just no point now no I was hoping you weren't going to say that.

Please. Spencer and I slag those people. Put your phone in your pocket. No. No. My harness just arrived. I've been in. Because I've ordered all this stuff on Amazon for the new flat.

I was a prisoner in my own home today waiting for it to arrive. Couldn't leave at all. But I was free to leave now because my harness arrived. My scrub daddy's arrived. new ring light your pink stuff your pink stuff my pink stuff with the big toothbrush to clean the sink which I'm never going to use has arrived I did wonder who that was my harness my harness has arrived so I'm like okay shit I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to get out I'm gonna start running again now because I it's the jingling in the pockets folk when you live alone you've no one to give your keys to

you know that's the problem really it's a loneliness issue. Do you know what she's gonna go around with next she's gonna get one of those things for around her arm and that's where her iPhone will go and then in the front in the harness she'll have she'll have a little water bottle that she needs for her 20 minute run and her keys. I need for nothing now because I have my harness she'll have she'll have a little water bottle that she needs for her 20 minute run and her keys

I need for nothing now because I have my harness but I will choose to run with one of those you know those water bottles that your hand there's like a hole in the middle

I'll probably because I'm not used to running so I'll probably need one of those protein shakes about seven minutes in please go up to Spencer and show him your harness and be like

oh I heard you're doing a big run in soon I got you one of these harnesses to wear in the run and record his face I don't want to arouse Spencer I think it would create

a weird vibe for us so I'm not going to show my harness because I'm telling you that would be his reaction because it says it says I'm sporty but it says I've got stuff

that I need to carry around it says I'm sporty and I've got a phone like tick tick. This is very true actually. I should watch out actually. Don't go near Spencer in your sexual harness. Yeah now you're shitting it aren't you?

I'm in your home. All I have to do is live with my children. So I look maternal and motherly and put on my running harness. The only way that harness could be sexually attractive if you went topless and just had a tit out either side and then possibly then because i've seen your boobs and they're great possibly then it would be sexy they are great i don't even i don't even know if tits hanging out could help that harness to be honest

it's pretty bleak but I'm pretty sure now that I have my heart notes that you know I'm going to be starting I'm going to start

next week I'm going to be asking for donations to run some ultra marathon for some charity. I'm telling you the future is now my year has started.

She's going to get those loads. New year new me. has started she's going to New Year New me Guess what now that you're over I bought us and I'm not joking right

I bought us water shoes and gloves we're going when I say us I only bought one pair but we're the same size. So we're going to start ice bathing

on my balcony. So to summarize, I bought you nothing. But you can wear my water shoes once you don't have Verrucas. In the ice baths? Yeah, there's an ice bath coming to our house this week, maybe tomorrow. We're going to start ice bathing.

You won't even know what to do with your mental health. It'll be so good. I don't know if my harness is waterproof. I don't know if I'm able to get into an ice bath because I will be in my harness 24-7. I really need to see how that reacts to water first before I commit to any sort of ice bath situation.

Is the harness the new leg weights? The harness comes first. The harness comes first. Okay. And everything else in my life will fall in perfectly now to place because I have the running harness. I just, I can't believe this.

I stand by, it was like during lockdown when I bought all these weights online I said once they come I'm going to start working out weeks and weeks and weeks went by do you remember this? and I was in a rush for them to arrive because I was like grand I can't do anything until the weights get here anyway

so I'm just going to sit around and drink two bottles of Merlot a day and then enough time passed and I was like this is actually a strange amount of time so I went online and I'd been conned it was like a scam you just tell the money so the account was all shut down and I was like oh and then I went every single review was like this is a scam this is a scam this is a scam this man is a thief did I read a review not at all well. Well, I'm thrilled. I honestly cannot

believe that you got one of them because it was only two days ago before I left. Spenny came into the bathroom and showed me a video of this person with the harness and he's like, see, another person with one of these. What's the crack? It looks so stupid with the... And now Joanne's bought a harness. I cannot believe it.

So now I have to buy one. But it's like... Of course. Well, I bought you one. I didn't have to buy one. but it's like, of course. Well, I bought you one. I didn't, but we're the same size. You can just wear mine.

It's, it's similar to my, my take on dry robes. There was a time where I was like, I'm fucking dry robes. Jesus, you could have yourself. We need one of them for the ice bath.

100% I'll have a dry robe now within a week. It's actually really practical guys they fit right under my harness I can't wait

to get a video of you getting in the ice bath more than anything in the whole entire world everybody needs to have that video

I'm even going to save it just for the pod page Joanne's first ice bath I can't wait I don't like any sort of discomfort tough luck

that's all I'm going to say and it looks it looks it looks That's all I'm going to say. And it looks it looks discomforting if I'm being honest. Yeah but the way you feel after is worth honestly you won't even believe how good you're going to feel. We're doing it and that's just that. I do like to feel good. That will make you feel good.

I'll let you have a hot whiskey in there too so it will kind of balance out the good and the bad. Now you're talking. Yeah. One of those floating bars. Would I be in there for that long long i'd say we might get 20 seconds out of you um it's so funny it's so funny being over here and overhearing my parents arguments it's the funniest like honestly last night they were watching the juice they were watching pointless right and uh and it comes on and neil starts chatting away and my mom's just sitting there she's like oh no Neil don't worry Neil

I don't want to watch it I don't want to guess the answers myself either you just continue keep going Neil and then Neil comes out with what's the point of them coming on if they're stupid and then I thought to myself I wonder if he watched me on Mastermind. It's the first thing I thought of.

I was like, 20 sterling on the fact that he did. I put my harness on it. That's how much I am sure that he did. I would bet my harness that he did. Be careful with that. You love that harness. Be very careful. I know. but we were

driving Neil thinks he's rain man he is he knows everything about everything he came in because I had to sign this document

he'd printed it off and I signed it and he was like what is that and I was like it's my signature and he's like that's not a signature

and I was like but that is my signature and he goes you're 38 you're too old you need to have a proper signature and I was like that is and they were like they won't accept that so he comes. You're too old. You need to have a proper signature. And I was like, that is.

And they were like, they won't accept that. So he comes in with another piece of paper and another piece of paper. And I keep writing the same thing. And I was like, I can't do it any different. Help. What the fuck? Neil, like, it's too late to teach her how to write. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, that ship has sailed, my friend. I don't have a signature. I'm the same. I'm the exact same. Like, I sign things and I'm like, like putting bubbles on my eyes and't have a signature I'm the same I'm the exact same like I sign things and I'm like like putting bubbles on my eyes and all

like I'm like my handwriting has not left 70 like it has not left 50 in school now I think that's the nicest handwriting

sorry one last fight that they had right we were we were driving into the port last night we were going for pizza two for one guess how much

your dinner was last night 48 euro two glasses of wine a sin alcohol beer We were driving into the port last night. We were going for pizza. Two for one. Guess how much our dinner was last night? 48 euro. Two glasses of wine, a sin alcohol beer, two bottles of water, two pizzas and a bolognese and a coffee. 48 euro.

We're being robbed blind in London. Here we are telling. Oh my God. I said, I'll get this one. They were like, no, this is a cheap one. You get tomorrow. Oh yeah,

they're smart. Neil's financially savvy, we all know that. So we're driving into the port and this is one of their other arguments. My mom's like, look at that disgusting. Someone didn't pick up their dog poo. And Neil's like, why do you have to tell me that? I don't want to hear that.

Why do you have to tell me about the dog poo? I don't want to see it. And I'm to tell me about the dog poo I don't want to see it and I'm sitting in the back like I love hearing other people's arguments yeah yeah it's nice to know because like

it's the Instagram versus reality thing online Sandra looks like she hasn't a care in the world with her with her floating floor length dresses and her

trilbies nice to know she's scrapping away like the rest of us over dog shit with her husband. She is. And last night,

I was like, she's like, are you going to change for dinner? And I was like, no. I was kind of wearing gym gear,

but like with a bomber, a nice bomber. And I was like, are you changing? She's like, no. And then out she waltz in this like full cream outfit

with a cream hat I was like I thought we made a deal that we weren't changing for dinner and you've come out here looking like an angel she can't help herself

she's just she just oozes style she does it's and like do you know what she said she said if she gets to 40,000 followers

she's going to have a glass of champagne tonight she's on like she's on like 39,960 or something's going to have a glass of champagne tonight. She's on like, she's on like 39,960 or something. She's dying for a glass of champagne. You know how we know.

Alexandra, just fucking have the glass of champagne. Go on. I'll unfollow her and follow her again. Will that help? I don't think so.

Hey, J&B. I don't think so Hey J and V really keen to get your thoughts on this as I am baffled I love that word I work with a guy and early last year we were becoming good friends it felt like it was leading somewhere so I asked him if he thought

it was something more he said it wasn't for him and I was grand with that as I just wanted an answer one way or another he then oh. He then proceeded to blank me. Oh baby. Sitting away from me in the office when we always sat together I was so pissed off that he was treating me like a fucking idiot. Anyway roll on to Christmas and we match on Tinder. Christmas and I was looking for some fun. We had a week of R-rated messages back and forth and I was convinced it would end in sex. Fair enough. What he didn't know was that I was leaving work and wasn't going to be back.

A week later, he texted me saying, where are you? Are you not back in the office? I haven't replied because fuck that. I'm going to fuck that. I'm going around in circles with him. What the F do you make of that? I, I, I think there's some guys that just love a little bit of a chase and then back off and it's like they want to be wanted when actually they don't want anything to do with it

yeah girls as well I've been guilty of that it's the old bit of bread crumbing people like knowing someone fancies them and to keep them keep them engaged they kind of have to give them a little bit every now and again yeah and then they're like okay like don't lose your don't lose the run yourself like that's all you're getting and i and you're obviously obsessed with me now so i need to kind of sit over there so you need to kind of like contain yourself but then i'll match with you on tinder and flirt but then like i won't just flirt say you're gonna have say that you're gonna have sex on tinder and you don't do it yeah but he never the offer he never the never, the offer never. Like he basically, he's leading her up the garden path,

as they'd say. And there's nothing up the top of that path. No, the path is empty. There's nothing up the top of that path. That path is empty. This is an ego trip. The garden path is a path to up the ego lane. Yeah.

Or we could say it's up to a dead end. That's it. It's up to a dead end of ego. That's up to a dead end of ego that's all that is now and actually i think this woman sounds very sensible she seems to have really kind of seen what's going on here i'd probably still be trying to crack in i'd be right he's obsessed at me if you wouldn't mind emailing he hasn't he hasn't left his job yeah we're still in the same office he's obsessed with me if you wouldn't mind emailing joanne and i we'd love to chat to you because we could do it a bit of that like how you managed to not reply that is amazing i would love to do that something it's like what's they call it self-respect or something i don't know i've heard

of it what's that i don't know i don't know i don't know i'm've heard of it. What's that? What is that? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not very familiar with the name itself. I don't know if that's all that's cracked up to be. Come on. It's not. Self-respect. Come on.

Is it going to keep you warm at night? I don't know how to say it I remember once I did I was doing what that guy is doing to her to a guy years ago

not for very long dirty little minks I know I knew he liked me and I kind of liked him but I more like I more so liked the fact

that he liked me do you know what I mean yeah and um so I was kind of engaging with it and we said we'd go on a date and but I I get mean yeah and um so I was kind of engaging with it and we'd said we'd go on a date but I

I was just kind of I was just like I just liked being liked really by this guy this boy and um then one night he just texted me

he goes is this happening or is it not happening or basically I'm wasting my time and I was like whoa whoa

zing so I went I just said it's not it's not happening yeah I said I just said it's not happening yeah I said like realistically like no it's probably

not gonna happen he's like alright no worries fair enough and I was like I've never respected a man more fair play I once had that

with a guy and I like I kind of just didn't really fancy him and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere and then like he just persisted so much

that I just thought fuck it go on then why not and then we lost the friendship because after we did it I was like I really don't want to do that again I honestly thought you were gonna say and then I married him I really really thought you were gonna throw Spencer under the bus there and I've got three kids you know it is really taking a turn I don't know how it's gone this far but I'm still there things have escalated as they always do with me yeah I do I do find though that um and I know we're kind of veering off topic that I find and again

I'm only speaking anecdotally and we only know our own experience but men do seem from my experience more willing to like test a friendship if you know what I mean as in they experience more willing to like test a friendship if you know what I mean as in they seem more willing to who's your husband tell him to get rid of that tash tell him right now tell him to come over and tell him that you've got a harness

I know he still has it tell him you've got a harness your tash I've got a running harness folks I've got a harness I'll tell him later your tash I got a running harness folks I got a harness for running and folks think that it's

the most disgusting thing she's ever heard and that you will also think the same she got one of the running harnesses that's where I'm going right this very second

to buy a harness I'm going to hack Oscar to get the rest of my beard like taken down so that my tash is more prominent

for the content that I'm shooting this evening so see you later mate okay zing well do you know what do you know what down so that my tash is more prominent for the content that I'm shooting this evening so see you later mate okay zing well do you know

what do you know what he says the tash is going nowhere Joanne I don't like to use sex as a weapon but I've warned him

he's still here he looks very aggressive if he folks think she won't there's no more sex he's saying you

said that last time Vogue I did but I'd had a few drinks that time. Now I'm really strong. And then you'd sex six minutes after. Okay, this isn't for this podcast. This is for mediation. This is not for me.

This is not my job. And that is it for this week. Joanne is off running in her newly acquired harness. That sexy little bitch. And I'm off to sit and pet my mom and eat Doritos and have her pet my head.

I'd say Amber is absolutely raging. Well, I was raging because Frederick rang them last night, so I took the phone off Neil and I said, no, no, no,

this is my time. Don't ring them while I'm here. You're like, beep, beep, beep. If anyone's in America America do we get many American listeners I have some shows

coming up in Chicago and Philadelphia and Washington and Florida and LA and all the tickets are on joannmcnally.com

did you add more dates one cheeky Washington date just because I'll be passing through you just said Florida did I yeah sorry I'm not going there Cheeky Washington date just because I'll be passing through. You just said Florida. Did I? Yeah.

Sorry, I'm not going there. Did I say Florida? Jesus Christ. She cancelled the tour and then she puts it back on. Where am I going? Chicago, Washington in one chunk and then I'm going back out

and I'm doing San Francisco and LA. Are you doing Philadelphia? You forgot to say that there. Yes. Okay, she's going to do Philadelphia, Washington and Chicago in one chunk. And then she's going to go back out and do San Francisco and L.A. Chicago's on the 26th of February. And then it goes Washington and then it goes Philadelphia.

Two Philadelphian shows. Then I come home for a month. Then I go back out and I have two shows in San Francisco and I have one show in LA. Thank you.