My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Not 'love of my life cute', but cute..."

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Get ready for a hilariously bad date story, an odd request on a train and an MTGM generated headline that didn't quite reflect the real story! If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and... Siobhan McNally. I'm a 40-year-old woman. I'd like to say my own name if that's okay. So I was listening to that Someone Someone In fairness I get sent great Pod recommendations

And someone sent me Psychopedia Have you heard of Psychopedia Jo? Is that the one That they keep That's where we got the horse Riding Yes

Yeah and they do that Like I don't think I can listen to them because they're so dark but I always get served it up

but like have you listened I haven't listened to the horse death fuck one but I'm listening to Tomb Raider and I'm about I'm about to move on

to apparently one of their best ones is called let me get it up here they're not Paul's that you're going to listen to before you go sleep. Tomb Raider is basically how this girl was friends. Sorry, Womb Raider.

Womb Raider. Womb Raider. He was friends with this girl who was pregnant and she basically pretended to be pregnant. Spoilers. Spoilers. I've been, so just. You can say that because that's what they put.

Yeah, but that's what they put on their Insta. Well, I made a very big boo-boo the other day because I just watched episode nine of And Just Like That. I know. I know.

Because I hadn't watched it yet. And then hopped online to give my hot take. I watched it and I was like, what?

The Lily thing. The Lily thing the Lily thing I didn't know about that until Joanne opened her big mouth so bad people were like Joanne

you're supposed to say spoiler alert and I was like oh my god and I'm not I actually believe in spoiler alerts more than trigger warnings

so I do apologise I should have said spoiler alert well what I will say to you right is that like I actually never care about spoilers because I would happily Google

the end of a complete TV show and then watch it happy because I'm like, at least now I don't have the stress of not knowing what's going to happen. Well, also because your undiagnosed mental condition means you'll just fucking forget about it.

Yeah, exactly. Don't worry. Like the busy goldfish that you are. But what I will say is, I usually, like with books I'm okay, but like I'm dying to get to the end. Sometimes I might have a little read, just the last few lines.

I know. Stop, go back. We won't be getting fully into the week because this is the bonus. What have I been doing this week? What? Oh, so this is the bonus episode. Why did I have four drinks to come on a bonus? I thought

we were going to have a good time And anyone who's wondering where the videos are so basically Joanne is now claiming fucking mental health and refusing to be on camera She's sitting there looking like Chewbacca in this smelly looking brown dress again. She's made

no effort Folks like the videos I'm like no I've got mental health issues What are you doing Is it foot trolling No goblin Full goblin mode

Yeah I'm full goblin mode Because I Unlike you Believe in down time You don't even know What a fucking is I believe in it

Okay I believe it's really important Go on fucking holidays Will you Long periods of time doing Fuck all Go on holidays I'm not telling you to go on holidays Again stop being a swampy

Little bitch in Enniskerry Go to Marbella And get out of here I would go on holidays but I'm not arsed I can't deal with checking in And airlines You've got your bag packed from Portugal I can't deal with checking in and airlines you've got your bag checked from Portugal

you've got your bag packed from Portugal last year just pick it back up and off you go you're ready to go the bag is packed from my fight

so Alan it's always packed and ready to go with the door my password on the top do you know what I have been up to today Spenny and I

are doing our preview shows on Wednesday Thursday and Friday this week I know so Una our director we stole the ghosted director

because if it's not broke don't fix it ah she's great I need someone to I know she's great that's why I hired her and now you've stolen her listen you had a good idea

I took it okay well don't worry I'll be there on opening night throwing bottles of piss at you like I said I would I'm already getting ready

I've been pissing In little Fanta bottles For weeks Getting ready For your opening night Boo You wait I'm banning bottle caps

I'm banning like The big festivals There's no bottle caps allowed Doesn't matter Doesn't matter I've got one of those Little bomber suicide belts. I'm just going to stash the little fantas in them

with like little grenades ready to go. But we're going through stuff and I'm like, God, it was like, I think it might have been easier to work with you. No shit, Sherlock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, are you going to? I'm sorry.

Let me explain That doesn't come from A position of arrogance On my part It's just that I know What Spenna's like That's all I'm saying And me and Bob

Work so well together Because we both enjoy working Yeah And we both Like yeah We both We're able to focus On the task at hand

Where Spenny is literally On his phone Looking up I don't know People what Getting their Chinese That's a great thing To look up

Pimple Popper He's like Watching Dr. Pimple Popper Yeah I know So we're sitting looking up, I don't know, people getting their Chinese. That's a great thing to look up. Pimple Popper. He's like watching Dr. Pimple Popper. Yeah, I know. So we're sitting down and he's like, no, I won't write stuff down. And I'm like, no, but you have to write stuff down because you're going to mess up what I want to do. So I'm sitting there, I'm on card number nine

and he hasn't written one single thing down. Anyway, I'm sure it will work together. Do you know what? I'd say, well, as we have always discussed, putting a show together is painful. Like, sometimes you feel like you have a good show. Next time you do it, you feel like you have absolutely nothing. The next show, like, gets a great reception.

Then you change something, the next night doesn't work. Like, it's a process. It's an ongoing, forever process. Yeah, it is agree but it is fun and I love having you in here and I think that's where he's going to really enjoy I think that when he gets

he's quite concerned like you know the way like there's just certain things that I think the audience need to see and he's quite concerned that he's going to look like a complete gobshite

but it's like you know what babe you did that that's your life so we have to show it but now but like I'm excited to get back into that

but like I'm nervous because like at least I have you like I could go mute on our show and you But like, I'm nervous because like, at least I have you. Like, I could go mute on our show and you just like, you could do the whole show for me. It'd be great.

No, do you know what, Vogue? I really don't think you're going to be at a loss with him. I think if something was to happen where you kind of lost track. I'm just concerned about

what he will come out with. I'm like, because like, you know the way we cut stuff out? Like, we cut nothing out compared to what we cut out from our podcast. Like, I literally listen back and I'm like, cut stuff out, like we cut nothing out compared to what we cut out from our podcast.

Like I literally listen back and I'm like, cut that out, cut that out, cut 53 minutes, 54 minutes, like constantly cut stuff out because he just, he has no filter whatsoever. Well, from a personal perspective, me and Joe are offering, we're excited about you and Spencer going out on your own doing a live tour because we know in a week's time your pod will be cancelled with him and you can just focus on this entirely you know the way we speak about things on the pod

well the cold sore story about Spenny the cold sore story about Spenny couldn't have gone further like we

we kind of we kind of had we've been careful around that story but I was just telling the honest truth of all the story and then it went

everywhere he got a death notice in Portsmouth today our thoughts and prayers are with his family because Spenny is out with the cracked heart emoji I nearly fucking died

laughing when I saw it I was like oh when you read my god thoughts and prayers with his family cracked heart

it was like the ports of the gas or something I was like when you read the article in it I'm like god you were

Spenny was such a little bitch like that's like the people assume I'm talking about a dead person what a little bitch about his illness

I was joking when things go over the top grow a set of balls and resuscitate yourself so yeah it's been all over the press that Spenny's died

of cold sore tablets if you're not careful with a cyclopore it'll take you down my friend good luck to him yeah and knowing Spenny and knowing how vain he is

I'd say he'd rather be dead than have a cold sore so it all worked out this is precisely true do you want to you can't wear that dress again like Alan will never

want to have sex with you again Vogue do you want to hear the gas thing is that why you're wearing it this is Alan's dressing gown have you ever seen anything more disgusting

it's so swampy looking oh my god it's a brown tiled hooded dressing gown for people because there will be

no videos for this obviously and when I walked in I was like oh my god what the fuck is that he's like that's my dressing gown

and I've seen him wear it twice and vaginal drought that's all it twice and vaginal drought that's all I'll say vaginal drought sorry there's no

like you're looking at him going not even just get out of the bed you're like go down the road get out of the house

get a taxi to me it's like you can't stay here vaginal drought yeah I'm like I need a troker box for my vag

because I'm so fucking tired after seeing you walk around in a floor length tiled brown hooded dressing gown what is wrong with you

it reminds you do you know what it actually looks like a hangover it looks like just like are you just

naked under there I've dressed today stop getting aroused folk it looks like it looks like... It looks like... It gives gambling addiction. It gives unemployment.

Yes! It gives debt. It gives alcoholic. It gives all those things. Please, Joanne, you've let yourself go. Please go on holidays. Just do something.

Please. Just don't go. Oh my God. Honestly, this is too much for me I'm glad the listeners can't see you they'd be worried

but have I let myself go hair hasn't seen a hair brushing date excuse me I was in Cura Lambretts the other day

getting my roots done and that was the last time you brushed your hair yeah no I wouldn't be a big brusher now I kind of

I just leave it up to fate. Where it falls, it falls. I'm quite philosophical about hair. We're doing emails. Do you want an email? Okay. She used to, do you know what? Joanne used to like, she used to be like, We're doing emails Do you want an email? Okay She used to Do you know what

Joanne used to like She used to be like I would like to read One of the emails I'd like to read an email I'd like to be involved Now she's like I don't give a shit

Fuck no Dear Vogue and Joanne That's very polite Isn't it? It's fine I travelled from Manchester To Ascot This evening

And felt I needed to share Oh she's one of yours Ascot Do they say As Manchester to Ascot this evening and felt I needed to share Oh she's one of yours Ask it Do they say ask it or askot Askot but she's one of yours Posh people go to Ascot

don't they Jo That's why she said That's why she said dear Yeah Yeah yeah exactly She's one of yours She's one of yours Listen to the voice

One of mine email going and go Fuck yourself Do you want Here's the email She's one of yours Fucking Chewbacca the posh bitch over there Like get lost

Oh this is an expensive dressing gown This is not expensive I'd say this is Middle Island Aldi vibes Like look at the little toilet Dear Joanne I travel from Manchester to Ascot this evening And I felt I needed to share A vent with you.

Yum, yum. Oh my God. A total stranger asked me if he could have a drink out of my water bottle. Totally taken aback, I whipped the lid off and took...

Sorry, Vogue. She's one of you. Sorry, I fucking nailed it. She's one of you. She is not one of me because she gave him it. She took the lid off and took the straw out

and let him chug away. But she was so tormented she's now writing an email into a podcast about it. She's one of you. Do I now need to dispose my bottle for good? Yes!

You can never touch that bottle again. Oh yeah, get a smear, an STI, get everything. Come on, it's only your mouth.

Stop. Oh my God, no, I would not be able for that. Spenny would drink someone's water, some random's water. Like he would definitely drink it. Like you can get thrush from the mouth.

You can get cold sores. Sorry, we need to caveat this by saying we have no medical training. Like saying- Ginger vices, ginger vices. I'd have,

well, I just want... Let the record show. I would drink any liquid out of any vehicle. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Not a hope in hell ever. I would drink...

I would drink Wendoline out of an exhaust pipe if I needed to. If I was thirsty and that's what needed to be done, I'd do it. Because do you know what, folk? My priority is surviving

you know not even my mother's water would I have no way would I have it I wouldn't have any of my family's water disgusting you have a phobia

of love I think it's a I honestly it's just one of my things like this is so far you'd probably eat

someone's cereal you'd eat someone's cereal with all their slurpy milk in it ooh well it would depend now I will be totally honest

I would eat someone's cereal but if it was a child and they were particularly salivating yeah if they were very kind of white foamy around the mouth

I wouldn't but anyone else that's a fucking movie you know what's strange though what's strange for me is sorry Vogue can I interrupt you actually can I interrupt you

before you go any further I think it's actually good for gut health whatever that is I think it's good to take in other organisms and then make your body

fight them off when it doesn't have to and so then that's why I never got COVID Joanne I've got news for you your gut hates you And also

And also You did have COVID You dirty little COVID whore Okay sorry I should rephrase That's why I only got COVID Four times Is what I should have said

Honestly Oh god Now I'd chuck out the water bottle I'd have to get rid of it There's just no way There's no way I'm ever coming back from that I know How many of you gave out the water bottle I'd have to get rid of it There's just no way There's no way of ever coming back from that I know How many of you gave it to him?

You'd have Like Sometimes people ask you for things And you panic There's certain stuff That you just can't get away with This is genuinely what I feel I do feel

Like I remember reading something somewhere Like It's good to expose babies to germs Because they build up an immunity And it helps them fight germs off. That's my take on sharing like spit, not sharing spit,

like you kiss people, you don't fucking know where they've been. Do you know, do you know that babies die of cold sores? Like if you kiss a baby and you have a cold sore and it gets the cold sore, it can die. Listen, this is like,

this is a real serious thing. Exactly, because they're weak. Because they're weak. They're going to bin it. Bin it. Because they're weak because they haven weak they're going to bin it bin it because they're weak because they haven't built up an immunity let me tell you

when I have a child when I have the child that I've been threatening to spit out for the last three years and everyone's begging me not to have

you can't keep saying this up until you're 70 okay you're going to have to stop this at some point the child that everyone's begging me not to have should be 80 being like I'm going to have. You can't keep saying this up until you're 70 okay. You're gonna have to stop this at some point. The child that I was begging me not to have. Yeah I'm like drunk with the fork to my mother's mouth. I'm like I'm gonna fucking have one.

But when that child comes and I will be the best mother in the world I will adore that child and I will get it ready for the world and I will have it eaten out of a bin bag at two to get it fucking gut solid. So it can it can go

it can literally join the army at three and a half because it's a fucking solid baby. I just can't believe Joanne McNally is trying to give us

like tips on gut health. Well it's yeah it's on the ads and all. It's a huge name. You ready for another one? I love a trend. I love a trend.

Guts are in. I do. I do a trend I love a trend guts are in I do I do I do enjoy a trend hi girls and Joe I'm 35 recent date story below

note this man was 37 years old I arrive two minutes late and he opens with so what's the story am I not worth being on time for

wow I'm so bamboozled, I figure it must be a weird joke that didn't land. I sit down and laugh. The waitress comes over. I order a Coke and he goes, why the Coke? Are you really serious or something?

I realise I'm in for a mare, but stay for the Coke for whatever bizarre reason. He doesn't talk so much as shout. I'm chatting about my job and he cuts across with me. You're cute. Not love of my life. Cute, but cute.

Oh my God. I'm a riot. I don't know about you, but this is working a treat on me. In fact, I think I know this guy. Go on. Other conversational highlights include me telling him my job.

Him telling me my job seems shite. He begins explaining, this sounds like Spencer. Is this Spencer? Was he on a date? Then randomly stops, leans in, stares me in the eye

and says intensely, so tell me, what do you think of me? What's your impression? I say, I've literally just met you. I feel the pub's eyes on me. Thankfully, the waitress comes over to ask if we want another drink. I say, I've literally just met you. I feel the pub's eyes on me. Thankfully, the waitress comes over to ask if we want another drink.

I say, no thanks. And he is about half his point less. He rolls his eyes at me and says, oh, I suppose this date is over then, is it? Imagine that was your kid. Imagine I found out Theodore did that. It's so much fun. It kind of reminds me of a date that I went on. There was a guy and he just was talking so loudly

and I just was like please make this end I obviously went home with him I didn't have sex with him but like I did other stuff there we go did your bits and bobs

but I'm actually surprised I think I started heavily drinking there were no liquids but we did bits and bobs a bit of rubbing a bit of a rubbing tug but no liquids no it wasn't a tug i didn't even go that far there was no fine yeah it was no talk i think i just had like he made me so nervous because he was talking so

that i had loads of drinks and i was like okay i'll go home with you i've done yeah i've done that too just to avoid the awkward conversation outside of saying you're not going home with them because we're people pleasers um so then she said well i just think we're very different and it's been nice to meet you i'm just i'm happy to keep chatting while you finish your point he responds i love this guy you don't have to fucking babysit me you know i was just being polite and i say i was just being polite as i get up and pick up my bag, I'm walking away and he looks over his shoulder and says to my turned back, have a nice life, you

c***. What? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. The pub gasps and a waitress runs to see if I'm okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. The pub gasps and a waitress runs

to see if I'm okay. Obviously, obviously I'm fine. He's just some twat but a cautionary dating tale nonetheless. That wasn't Spencer. That wasn't Spencer.

Oh. That's it for the bonus. we'll see you next week for the real one excuse me this is no less real and it's not next week it's on Friday that's it for the fake episode

we'll see you on Friday for the real episode thanks for listening.