My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Private website time..."

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Have you got something that absolutely has to be shared with the MTGM community? WHY haven't you sent it in yet?! This week, Vogue & Joanne are asked for their "questionable" advice and a listener reveals a bit too much to her mum.If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me Vogue Williams and Joanne McAuley. Joanne, stop! That's water! Stop! You're drinking water! Joanne stop that's water stop you're drinking water I've been spiked what's the reverse of getting spiked I didn't know I'm sorry it smells like wine look at her she doesn't give a shite

she's just drinking everything from the mini bar she wouldn't think of going to the shop next door now and stocking up on a few bottles of water well Prada Peter

Prada Peter feels the same about you I am rinsing that thing I'm I've had my pod dug into it 24-7 that mini bar

has never seen so much action. I have never. Caramelized almonds for £60. I'm like, fuck it. Do you know what I mean? I was horrified when I went away with

Penny the first time and he kept dipping into the mini bar. I was like, what the hell? People don't just go to the shop and buy. I go to the shop and buy bits. I'd be hard pushed to go to the cinema and not bring my own bag of bits well so firstly it was so funny when we first got here alan was like listen let's look because we arrived we were like we got glass champagne i was like let's just look at the price of champagne and because this holiday was this holiday was a particularly like intentionally like extravagant holiday

because basically we've been we've been working my whole life since January and he was like Joanne

stop looking up right let's just enjoy ourselves and I was like okay you'll regret that my friend you don't ask me twice I've been in

getting facials putting them on the room he doesn't know but you're going halves you're going halves everyone's going 50-50 baby 50-50

well it's so funny because he's in the room there now and I'm I was like here he's like why don't you just record

I'm on the balcony he's like why don't you just record the podcast in the room I was like are you I'm going to have a private conversation

with Fab okay you cannot listen to what I'm going to have a private conversation with Fab okay you cannot listen to what I'm about to say if you want to listen to this shit you'll press play on a public platform

like everyone else I feel really I'm really uncomfortable spending sometimes I hear him listening to our videos that I post on Instagram and I'm like

oh god oh god is he going to listen to the whole thing turn it off you're like shh that's private

private stop reading my diary weirdo I can listen to the whole thing. Turn it off. You're like, shh, that's private. Private. Stop reading my diary, weirdo. Okay, I want to start with listener emails today. Oh God, right. Yeah, cool, go. Okay, wait. I've got to put on my bracelets. I can't start potting without my bracelets.

Absolutely not a hope. Okay. They're your lucky charms. They're me lucky charms. Without them, you have no comedic power isn't that right folk do you know what i find i like it's a shame we're recording at this time in the morning because let's be honest i'm definitely funnier when i've had a drink 100 it's just like i could barely allow myself a fanta zero at 10 to 10 i will be getting one

throughout this pod though um so i just think vodka is not right okay emails emails emails from our lovely listeners hi joanna vogue i need some of your signature questionable advice here um my part i actually i actually take offense to that why is our advice questionable my partner and i have been having some issues lately mostly because i'm basically a walking mental disorder so the other day i did the most stupid thing possible and asked him, aren't we all? And I asked him straight to his face if he's considering breaking up with me. And he said, yes.

I'm not so sure what I was expecting, but that'll teach me not to ask questions I don't want the answer to. So now obviously I'm an insecure mess. I'm obviously absolutely desperate for him not to leave me, but I know that if he smells the desperation on me, it'll push him away more. I have to get him to think that I'm a bad bitch

and I have my shit together. It's true. And he's lucky to have me how do i do that uh when i feel about as good as a soggy biscuit obviously my friends have told me to break up with him first and find someone better okay joanne hit her so my instinct so two things come to mind. One, therapy. This woman has lost her sense of self and her self-worth. And so she's now a bumbling mess when it comes to this lad. I remember I was like that with the lad once before. Just didn't think I was good enough for him.

Blah, blah, blah. And I went to a counsellor and every day I left elated. Like absolutely delighted with myself. Now, it wears off after about four hours but then the more therapy you get the longer the effect lasts so that's why you just have to keep going to therapy because she was like what do you bring to this relationship what do you bring what does he get from you and I was like I had never even considered what I brought to it all I considered

was what was what he brought to us sometimes you just need to remember your self-worth exactly and that's a problem that i definitely have vogue you've never had that in your life from what i can tell you are the most confident person like i've seen vogue like where in situations with men if they act what the fuck is that focus sorry i'm just i'm just moving stuff around because i think i look better looking when the laptop's slightly higher so i put a pair of of socks on. Well, this is exhibit A, okay? So I... Oh yeah, gorgeous.

I've seen you in situations where I would have like crumbled and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not putting up with this. I'm not having it. I'm not doing it. Do you know what it is though? It's actually, it's not self-confidence. It's just like this extreme stubbornness I suffer from.

So I could be a thousand percent wrong in a situation. I'm like, do you know what? Fuck you. Nope. Nope. No way. Yeah, no, there is a stubbornness there, but I think you've a lot of,

and very justified, self-worth. Whereas it took me longer to get there. I think that you definitely have self-worth now but I think even going back a year ago you definitely didn't but you worked on yourself as you were saying yes but like the difference but remember I said to you I was like right I felt like a piece of shit when I went through this big uh messy breakup and it took me like six months of hell of like not wanting to be alone, but having to be alone. And then when you get to that point and you're just like, actually, I don't hate my own company anymore. Then you're in a good spot.

But with her as well, I think that like, I think by the way she's talking, it might be justified that he kind of is thinking of breaking up with her. And at least he's still being honest with her. And maybe she should say to him, listen, if she really wants to be with him and it's a good relationship maybe listen I just need to to work on myself a little bit and I need to figure some stuff out myself did I miss something he's not kind of thinking break up but he said he's gonna did he not just say yeah yeah he said well she said are you thinking of breaking up with me if he was gonna break up with her he would have broken up with her so this is why she feels like shit because he's pulling the love away and he's staying with her. He's probably slowly just like,

this is the thing with this. People don't just jump when people have dates and relationships. They don't just leave straight away. They stay, but they're distant. They're removed.

They're not engaged anymore. So then you feel like they've gone off you because they kind of have, but they won't admit it because they're not ready to leave yet. So this leaves you in this horrible situation where you're basically with someone who you kind of feel, do you know

what I can't stand? Where you're like, is everything okay? Is everything okay? Because you know something's not okay. And they're like, yeah, everything's fine. Is everything okay with you? And you're both smiling at each other like a psychopath going, yeah, everything's fine with me. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. And you know there's nothing fine it's this unspoken horrible tension it's the worst I had it with the lad I went out with literally the last year

was like that it was horrific horrific horrific horrific horrific I feel so sorry for this girl do you know what the only thing is the only thing, I don't think that he's being like that. I think that he's literally being like, God, I hope you get your shit together so I don't have to break up with you. I think that she needs to. I hard disagree.

Okay, well then you're the one with the questionable advice, not me. I hard disagree. I think this woman is actually, her intuition is screaming. She's become this insecure mess

because this person that she's with is kind of trying to make a decision on whether he wants to stay with her or not. Listen, listen. Cue madness. I've been there. Okay. I've worn the straitjacket like I fucking know. Are you going to listen to somebody sitting here with a normal necklace

on or somebody sitting there with balls as her necklace? She's got testicles on as a necklace Sam Ham design thank you so much for the gift Joe who's who's whose side of the fence are you on Joe uh I have to remain impartial at all times as well you know you're not Boris Johnson Joe yeah yeah yeah although you do look strikingly like him don't you dare that is the meanest thing that is the meanest thing look at her big look at her big laughing head that is the meanest thing that she's ever so come here to me spenny because boris johnson went to uh went to uh

eton and spenny went to eton and adam mailed um text me last night and he asked spenny to do an eton accent for a certain reason whatever it doesn't really matter context Adam is a friend of ours Adam is a friend of ours and I'm just saying it because actually we spoke about Boris Johnson

do you want to hear what an Etonian accent is meant to sound like sure like we are in this place kind of vibe so literally everything's like

just like Spanish everything comes you know like with hard work you know do you know he like with hard work, you know? Do you know who he sounds like? I'm watching Love Island at the moment

because I'm doing the final after show. I've been sucked a little bit into that, by the way. Yeah, it's very entertaining. That sounds like that guy, Charlie, who was only on for a couple of seconds. But I mean, look, I'm not in a position to judge because me and Vogue both have incredibly irritating accents.

Sorry, Vogue, I meant to tell you. So I'm swanning through the W Hotel the other day, bikini on, wine in hand. Living my life. I've got an inflatable donut ring around my waist. I'm a grown woman walking to lunch. And this woman this American woman stops me and she's like excuse me are you Joanne McNally from the podcast

and I was like excuse me so the two of us were in absolute shock she works with an Irish woman in America who put her on to us anyway next thing she came on holiday and she heard the voice. But you know what she said? Because we had a great chat. She was so sound. She was like, I'm going to be totally honest. I cannot tell the difference between the two of you. And I was like, I know. It's really bad. It's bad, folk. Someone's going to have to change their accent and it's not going to be me.

It's definitely not going to be me. You should develop that Etonian thing. You could do that. Oh, I suppose I could do that. It would make sense as well. Yeah. Oh, do you know what as well I i was gonna say oh i could talk about breakups for the rest of my life and i probably will i just i'm kind of fascinated by them horrified by them i just feel such a sadness for people when i know that they're going through a breakup because there's nothing you can do nothing worse there's nothing worse but you can't feel better you literally just have to wait it's yeah there's only time and crushing up xanax like in a salt bowl and just like leaving it on the kitchen

table and drizzling it on like every fucking thing you eat yeah oh do you know it as well though um i remember i was seeing this guy before and it was kind of moving quite quickly and I was like I felt it was moving too quickly and I said to him look I you know I was kind of hemming and hawing a bit and I was like oh just to know if I'm that into it and I feel like it's moving too quick and he went okay let's call it then and I was like oh what and he goes yeah okay grant I'm just kind of you know you're not into it fine that means I'm not into it like I'm not I'm not gonna I'm not messing around let's just leave it and I was like I was just sitting there in complete shock and I was like oh and I was like are you serious he's like yeah well I forgot I'm in love with you yeah I said are you serious and he goes no I'm not serious but that how it would feel if I did it

and I was like oh wow lesson learnt and we're married now with three kids so anyway once they have the power people people thrive off the power they don't even

they don't subconsciously do it but they thrive so he has the power now They don't consciously do it, but they thrive. So he has the power now. You have to take your power back. We all thrive off the power and the way to get your power back, you do have to act like a bad bitch. I don't think she wants to break up with him.

I think that you should maybe go and speak to somebody and get yourself feeling confident within yourself. But then if you're not confident with yourself, is it because of the relationship you're in? You know what? It's easy for us to say. It's easy for other people to say but the truth is you want to be with someone who is 100% sure they want to be with you fuck this I don't know I'm not sure piss off keep on

fucking like be with someone it's not his fault either shit happens people fall out of love blah blah blah but you want to be with someone who wants to be with you and then when you are the difference is insane because I've gone out with people who didn't really want to go out with me and it sent me slowly mad and then I've gone out with people who really wanted to be with me and it was lovely so find one of them yeah find someone who you'll have fun but who makes you feel good and you won't feel like a soggy biscuit um oh god here we go he's coming in isn't he yeah he's coming he's after buying himself a t-shirt for the marathon to salve even though he did it last year he just wants to make sure that everyone knows he did it because he saw somebody in Battersea Park.

If you had ran 250 kilometers across the Sahara desert, you'd probably be also proud of it. So yes, I have bought myself some merchandise that suggests that I have in fact completed the race. That gently suggests or For those wondering. Or 100% confirmed. 100%. He also has a hat, by the way, that he's not currently wearing. 69th out of 840 athletes. Thanks.

We can't listen to Svenny going on about it again. Okay. I might write a book about it. Okay. You ready for the next email? The one that I liked? Hi, girls. I feel like confessing this to you as it might get it to weigh less

on me. And with folks keen eye for a bit of private website time, I figured I'd be I figured I'd be in good company. I'm usually militant when it comes to clearing mucky internet tabs away once I'm done with them. But a couple of weeks ago, I came unstuck. My 84-year-old mum was around and I was showing her some pictures of the kids.

I wanted to find a video on Facebook of my son on holiday despite her age my mom was actually quite ipad literate she knew how to double tap the button to scroll through the other apps that being said she has pretty bad arthritis so her hands are a bit slow she scrolled away from the photos that moved across to find facebook there there it was the pornhub window that i treated myself to the night before there was no question that she saw because her imprecise jabbing at the screen, she managed to open the window and the video resumed playing at full volume. Oh my God. It must've been three or four seconds before I swiped the iPad from her hands and pretty much smashed it against the wall to stop it. But it felt like an eternity as the x- he x-rayed noises bounced around my kitchen we've said

absolutely nothing about bedded since not a word just leaving it locked away in both of our minds forever i'm actually going red i'm so i'm so mortified for her there is honestly i would listen you're gonna have to move away you have to leave the country yeah you're gonna have to fake your own death just get say say your goodbyes you'll see her in the next life just move on yeah fake your own fake your own death move towards the light like there's just no work there's no space for you on this world anymore it's just too embarrassing I could just die I would die there's there's there's no way I could actually like I couldn't

I couldn't I would I would just I would just lie and be like oh my god if she's got did she say she's got

a 14 year old kid did she say she's got what age did she say her kid was who the hell does Joanne think we're talking about you're only half

you're one did she not say she was trying to show a photo of her kid no her mother's 84 no but she was trying to show her mother a photo of she not say she was trying to show a photo of her kid? No, her mother's 84. No, but she was trying to show her mother a photo of her kid. Yeah, she was trying to show her mother a photo of the kid,

but we don't know the kid's age. Blame the kid. Whatever age. Anything from six up. Blame the kids. Blame the kids. Like, anything. Blame the kids.

iPad babies. They're very, they're very digitally literate now. I've seen babies try and swipe up on magazines. Blame the kid. Be like, I'm horrified. And you know, I'd actually bring it up again. That's a great one, Joanne. You could actually be like, listen mom, I know what happened the other day was very embarrassing but I just don't know what to do. Alfie will not stop watching porn.

He takes the nappy off and porn hook goes on. Baby Alfie has got a very unhealthy habit and we have him here with a child psychiatrist and I'm just giving you a breast

hope it's healing that is such a good excuse isn't it so funny though that like

porn and sex and like it's so everyone's at it upside down inside out swinging out of the rafters blah blah blah

yet there's still so much shame around it. It happened to a friend of mine. She works in kind of a corporate environment. And, but she's, you know, like they all have their own laptops. And like that, she was trying to show someone, a colleague. Yeah. She was trying, she needed to show him something on her laptop. Oh God.

And bam. I need to check out my phone here. Pornhub. hub bam and it always seems to start playing do you know everything i don't know how what are they like what that's what setting they have it on and they never start playing at the start where someone's just knocking on the door to fix the dishwasher well i suppose i suppose it's when someone's finished no question what it is yeah but it's when someone's obviously finished so then they close the laptop

they're like oh I'm not interested in the story anymore I'm done I know a girl whose dad walked in and given her fella a blowy

that's like grand compared to half the shit we've heard did you hear how could you not think that's bad oh it is

I would rather my dad okay would you rather well if your dad walked in that would be quite frightening for its own reasons yeah because I'd be like He's alive What?

That would be more The surprise there I'd be like Dad I thought you died 20 years ago This is bananas Yeah what the hell

Dad I'd be five minutes Okay I'd be five minutes And then we'll catch up Okay minutes okay I'll be five minutes and then we'll catch up okay would you rather I love would you rather you know the would you rather

like would you rather have like chickens for fingers or mayonnaise for eyes would you rather hypothetically speaking Neil I was going to say your father but Neil is your father

but he's Neil Neil walking in on you giving Spencer a blowjob or Sandra finding videos basically Sandra finding out about your porn addiction. Which would you rather?

I would rather Sandra finding out about Theodore's porn addiction. Oh, there's a big bus coming and he's getting thrown right under it. Get under that, Theodore, quick. The 46A is on the way. Off you go. That's it for the bonus.

Joe, please. We're trying to work. Jesus Christ Joe Joe you go on that lad we're like Joe shh shh

Joe shh who gave him a mic whose idea was that that's it for the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes To Me I've been Joanne McNally she's been Val Williams and we will chat to you

next week oh send your emails to