My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Red-flag-level vain..."

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

It's the weekly shuffle through the madness of the MTGM inbox! Some of the stories that come in to that email address are absolutely unrepeatable, but luckily, others just about pass as acceptable (on this podcast, at least.) This week, there's a dodgy phone background, amorous activity at unsociable hours and a clarification on what "spuffing" might mean. It's horrific. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. it's real Irish thing bye blah blah blah yeah of course everyone does that do they yeah bye bye bye bye bye bye okay

you're just a solid one bye man bye yeah did you see for a second I thought Megan and Machine Gun Kelly

broke up she hadn't posted about them in ages she was doing those thirst traps that you talk about I'd heard they broke up

raging she's an after post and they're still together I'm not happy about it I'm not happy about it either She's an after post and they're still together. I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about it either. Neither am I. Do you know what?

That is a relationship. I find firstly I've gone off her since she said she doesn't work out and she's got a full set of abs. A lot of bollocks. Yeah, fuck off. Annoys me. Work hard.

Work. Gotta get it. But like don't lie. Don't pretend. Make us feel like shit. And then saying oh no I didn't do it. Where you swallowed your abs did you? I don't do anything with my face. Swallow abs. Maybe she doesn't work out.. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. Don't pretend. And then saying, oh no, I didn't do it. You swallowed your abs, did you?

I don't do anything with my face. Swallow abs. Maybe she doesn't work out. Maybe she's got abs injected in. Well then, if that's the case, she should lie and say she does work out.

You know what I mean? Silly, silly girl. I don't know. I just, no, I'm not going to be mean about her actually. She's absolutely gorgeous. Oh, she's a big right.

But they kind of gross me out a bit. I've said that. Not as much as the other two. I'm actually, so I I think my theory is the more over the top couples are online and the more they go on about how in love they are and how their cellmates and their higher flames or whatever they say they're less like you this to still asked yeah three emails Jo Anne I love it what do people used to call you Joanna

Joanna I tell you Joanna McNulty that happened I turned up to do a show in Leicester and they had my name above the door

in lights Joanna McNulty some people text me I was like this is demoralising some people mail me right and it'll be Vogue and I'm like but you is demoralizing. Some people mail me, right? And it would be Vogue.

And I'm like, but you know my name is Vogue. It's not V-O-U-G-E. It's not Vogue. It's Vogue. Vogue. Could anyone ever mispronounce your name? No, I don't think so. No.

Oh, well, the Spanish do. I used to have a Spanish mind when I was younger. Always called me Bogie. Bogie. Bogie. Bogie. Bogie,. Bogey. Bogey. Bogey like a snot. Maybe she just thought

I was a little brat so she just called me snot. Oi, snot. Come here. Bogey. Okay, you have three emails. So I'm 28 and I've been with my boyfriend

for nearly two years now. We talk about getting married, having kids, the works. I know he loves me but I'd had a few too many drinks one night and decided it would be a wonderful idea to check his phone. I know he loves me, but... Uh-oh. I'd had a few too many drinks one night and decided it would be a wonderful idea

to check his phone. I quickly realized that I must be Sherlock Holmes' daughter because I guessed the password to his hidden folder in seconds. He used his PIN number. Lol. I found photos of his ex-girlfriend

going back at least four years and the most recent one was a couple of weeks before we met for the first time. We were talking at that time. I decided to send him a nudie photo one day and he saved it then deleted it. There are no secret folders of me

hidden and I'm already a little insecure. I'm not his usual type but this just confirms it. It made me feel like he's just settling for me. I don't think that at all. Hold on a second. I need to look back over this. Can I tell you what I think? I guess the password. Obviously all. Hold on a second. I need to look back over this. Can I tell you what I think?

I guess the password. Obviously not. Give me two seconds. Did your ears not work when I was reading that? Did you close your ears again? Spenny does that to me all the time. He's like,

darling, did you hear me? I'm like, no, I just closed my ears that time that you were talking. Of course I heard you. It went in. You do have tiny ears though. Did you not say that no I don't

I have huge ears look at them look at them you wouldn't think it I don't think they're a normal size ears well then maybe I have a big head as well

so they obviously just can John Belton not do anything for your ears now I just really want to tone up my ear labs I guess he's an ex-girlfriend

he used to I found photos of his ex-girlfriend on the street so it was a couple of weeks before okay so he has old photos of his ex-girlfriend, I think it was a couple of weeks before. Okay, so he has old photos of his ex-girlfriend.

Fine. Yeah, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that because I think that's from a time of your life. It's like me, like, I mean,

I have a few wedding albums. I haven't thrown all the wedding albums out because it was still at a time. I have a few wedding albums. Look, what can I say?

I have a few wedding albums. I didn't just burn them. Like, I'll never look at it. Like, I don't even know where it is. I just know I didn't just burn them. Like, I'll never look at it. Like, I don't even know where it is. I just know I didn't throw it out when I was going to throw stuff out. Because I think that, like, that doesn't matter. He's obviously hidden them

because he doesn't want you to see them. But it doesn't mean he's, like, spoffing over them. Oh, nice use of the new word. There you go. I'm not spoffing in a sentence. It's spoffing, though. It's not spoffing. We need to make a decision on this.

Okay, let me ring Sven. Ring Sven. Okay. Let me ring that absolute posho. Where is he? Probably huddled in his safe. Hi darling. Hi darling.

Hi darling. We have a question for you. Yeah. Joe said it's spaffing, but you said it's spuffing. Spuffing, yeah. Spuffing. Are you sure that this isn't your accent?

It's definitely spuffing. S-P-U-F-F-F for flamingo, I-N-G. Well, for a while it was spunking, wasn't it? Spunking, and then I'm pretty sure it came, it changed. Pretty sure it came. It changed. Pretty sure it came. Did it come, such a child? Like, rah!

Make sure not to spuff on my pillow type thing at school. I think, yeah, it was normal. Oh, make sure not to. That's what they did in school. Okay, thanks a million, babe. All right, cheers, bye. Bye, babes. Sorry.

Do you know what? Actually, when he was saying that, I remember that he does make up words he does he said shoot that's the privilege he says shoot instead of suit

what yeah so actually I'd believe Joe Joe fact checking spuffing spuffing like spuff is a term

for a sexual practice involving a trout or other freshwater fish what what has Spencer been up to with the fish? Oh my God.

He loves those fish in our hallway. Hold on a second. Spuffing. Like spuff is a term for his sexual practice involving a trout or other freshwater fish. I love it has to be a freshwater fish. At the point of ejaculation, the male of the species,

preferably human, gently places his fat... It's kind of bizarre. Gently places his fat end into the wide open mouth of said trout. When the bush is full of seminal fluid, the male of the species then proceeds to cover his partner with seminal fluids,

mixed in with fishy innards with the vinegar strokes motion. I don't understand what we're talking about anymore. Is this about wanking a fish? This, basically, you need to get... Oh my God, people wank into a fish. What do you mean? Inside it? You need to bring Spencer to a therapist immediately.

That's quite frightening. You and Spencer, no wonder you get on. You and horses, Spencer and fish. Well, I'm going to have to wank into a fish. I have to a therapist immediately. That's quite frightening. You and Spencer, that's no wonder you get on you and horses, Spencer and fish. Well, I'm going to have to wank into a fish. I have to keep things interesting. Everyone keeps falling asleep while I'm riding them. Can I interest you in a bit of spuffing, Alan?

Speaking of... You seem a little tired. Little spuff, little spuff in the evening. A bit of spuffing. Spuffy, spuff, spuff. Speaking of fish, I saw a girl made a dress out of a fish skin they use fish skin

on burn patients it's fish skin they use fish skin have you ever seen them are you sure it's not pig skin no no no no it's really good for healing yeah so I don't think

there's anything to worry about that I wouldn't think I wouldn't get too bothered but obviously I'd delete the filter yeah would you no yeah that I wouldn't think I wouldn't get too bothered but obviously I'd delete the filter yeah would you?

no yeah you're saying no but your eyes are saying yes I'm saying no no did you hear that was what

remember the big fallout with Rita Ora and Calvin Harris what was that about? remember they were going out and then there was a big breakup and he he wouldn't let her release any of the music

oh yeah so apparently allegedly she was cheating on him with who? I don't know out and then there was a big breakup and he wouldn't let her release any of the music. Oh yeah. So apparently allegedly she was cheating on him. With who? Don't know. Someone else. Yes, Duran, because that's how cheating works. I don't know. I don't know who she was cheating with. I'm surprised by that. And he found out, went into the studio, deleted the whole album.

He'd written an album with her. Fair enough. Delete, delete, delete. I was like, I fucking love the pettiness. I would do that. I'd be that petty. Yeah. What, 100%? I think he was about to really, like that,

because it's Calvin Harris. He would have launched her into the stratosphere. Weird phone background. Oh, sorry. This is what I was going to say just on that thing. I think,

because I know I have, I have had this before where you're with a guy. Alan would want to watch out. He'd want to like triple lock his phone I do you know what

I'm at this I'm at the stage in my life where I'm I'm never going to be in one of those relationships again I never I'm never going down that road again

it's not worth it and and thank God I'm with someone who doesn't make me feel like I have to that's the key if you're in his phone, it's fucked.

Do you know what I mean? The paranoia comes in. She's convinced herself she's not his usual type. And then the paranoia comes in. Yeah, because you're like, oh, he's keeping photos of his old girlfriend because obviously she was choice A and I'm like choice B. Maybe the old girlfriend's really, really hot or something. Yeah, but maybe you want something a bit different.

Like Spencer is different to anyone that I've ever gone out with. That's it. Difference is good. Difference is good. And also, do not let the insecurity seep in.

No, don't ruin your relationship because of it. You will turn into a needy, insecure mess and you will lose him. You sound like Liam Neeson. And you'll be emailing us again.

Here's Liam Neeson. I just think, emailing us again. Here's Liam Neeson. I just think, I just think, sorry, I'm supposed to be, I just think, it sounds kind of wanky, but you have to back yourself.

You've got to back yourself. Back yourself. He's fucking lucky to have you. Back yourself. And then you'll feel great and he'll be more attracted to you. He'll be like, this woman is so confident.

Confidence is sexy. I'm not going to give a shit about your ex. I don't care. It's none of my business. Again, none of this advice I would take myself. You come home with the phone and say, Hey, what the fuck is this? Going absolutely wild.

But it was good advice all the time. Set up a fake Instagram account. Make friends with your woman. Go into her account. Start swiping back to see the photos. Try and join the timelines up. Don't do what I would do. Oh, don't.

Don't. That'll actually give me a real, you know, that horrible, like, fear in my stomach there, like, but a stabbing pain of fear. I don't want to feel like that again, ever. That's the worst. It's the absolute worst. Ugh. Hey, guys. Okay. Hey guys, okay, so I met this guy on a night out recently and we hit it off and we have been on a couple of dates since.

The other day we were getting food and his phone lit up, so typically you'd be trying to read the message, but that's not what caught my eye. I was taken by his background because it was him. Like, not him with his friends, it was literally just a it was him. Like, not him with his friends. It was literally just a photo of him. Is this not mad? It's like

red flag level vein or like workable vein. That's kind of strange. Bath, do you know what that says to me? I love me. Yes. But he's secure.

You know, we were talking about attachment styles he is very secure very secure or if i was being really paranoid maybe the background was of something how long she going out with him i'd say that was an emergency but i'd say the background is something else no i think it's really saying something about yourself if you're putting yourself as your phone cover maybe it was a goal maybe he's on a health kick and he's like this is my

this is the bod I want yeah possibly maybe it's something like that now I have a picture of myself in my living room but I'd like to point because a few people

have mentioned it on Instagram when they see it I asked my manager because no one knows what to get me for a present and I said I'd love a framed photo

of me and the family and anyway she did a half-assed job on it she got me a frame lovely frame white company very And anyway, she did a half-assed job on it. She got me a frame, lovely frame, white company, very nice frame.

And she put a cut-out picture of me in it. Now, I have a lot of shit going on at the moment. In the year that I've gotten it, since I've gotten it, I haven't had time to change it. So that's why I have a photo

of myself in the sitting room. I think it's okay to have a photo of yourself. Not a big photo like that. Like, there's a big four of Spencer. I actually had to start removing a few of Spencer because, like, his mom just pops them up everywhere. I actually had to start removing a few of Spencer because like his mom

just pops them up everywhere I'm like no no no no we can't have that much Spencer in this house no way too much so much Spencer I would love to do

something like you know the way you always look back like I was looking at photos of myself when I was like 22, 23 and I thought I was like

I thought I was in bits had no confidence in myself I look back I'm like sure wasn thought I was like I thought I was in bits I had no confidence in myself I look back and I'm like sure wasn't I only gorgeous? I know 21 I had a face like a child I know

and I had a little button nose you still have a button nose I saw when you turned to the side I thought that's a bit of a pixie nose on her it's spreading with my age but anyway

so I was like do you know what I would like to do something I know it is it does make me sound like a super whopper massive was like do you know what I would like to do something I know it is it does make me sound like a super whopper massive narcissist

but do you remember Samantha in Sex and the City got a naked photo of herself taken I listen as well do you remember and she did it because she was like

fuck this I want to look back now I wouldn't go naked would you just be there with your legs open just like oh god that is so funny.

Oh, we never really answered your one. So, that is... Unusual. But what can you say about it? Like, it's unusual. Yeah, and also,

look, give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's not good with tech and there's someone else in the photo which they just cropped out. I would like to say, by the way,

I changed my phone over myself this week as in all your old data onto your new phone all my bits on the new phone all the apps everything is on that phone you can do

you can kind of clone can't you yeah I mean I didn't have to do much obviously but I was very happy you just put them together and they like

merge I would every time I get a new phone it's like starting a new life yeah but that's what I thought bring it over I'll do it for you

I still have two phone numbers of course you course on one phone such a pain in the hell she's absolutely useless okay initiation hi guys big fans of the pod you both genuinely have me in stitches at the most awkward times lounging by the pool on my holly pops and the rest recently i found myself in a bit of an awkward situation my boyfriend doesn't know when to initiate the time we have a bit of intimate kissing with. My boyfriend doesn't know when to initiate the time. We have a bit of intimate kissing with dinner or whatever signal doors are open.

With dinner? It's kissing with dinner. Yeah, I know. I wouldn't like that off food. That's weird, isn't it? Around five or six and then absolutely nothing until around 11 or 12.

After six or seven hours of TV and the rest, by that time, I'm bloody wrecked and I've done my routine for the night, skincare, etc. Not to be fucked with.

Which ends up with me feeling like a bad guy and him with blue balls, partially my fault, I suppose. But in fairness, he's taken six hours to act on the signal for context. We're together nine years, no kids in the mix, but both working regular nine to five jobs. So five to 11 is absolutely no man's land. It frustrates me to know and that he waits until 11 or 12 to initiate anything. And I'm already in nighttime mode and look like the the bad guy when I say I've wrecked it's no bueno viva la visa I would agree with you then

I mean you're saying 11 to 12 like I am four hours deep asleep by then someone actually bailed me through the night I was like I love you guys but can you ask to please start talking about her sleep patterns they're like I can't listen to it anymore

okay well I have actually I have something nice to say then because that was on my list for today and I didn't say it about sleep about sleep

what were you going to say I'm not going to say it but I did get 7 hours and 40 minutes last night what did you say I won't say it but I got 7 hours and 40 minutes last night

okay it was so funny when I was trying to take an Insta story of that hot air balloon you could just hear Vogue in the background going, I was awake then until 4am and then I was back up at 10.06am and my sleep patterns were...

I was like, Vogue! Stop talking about your sleep patterns! They're going to crack! I can't stop. I can't stop. Sleep mad. I'm sleep obsessed. I agree with you. I mean, I... Because I'm not much of an initiator

because I know Svenny will initiate. He'll always initiate. So it makes you kind of just take the high road now and if he misses his window I've told him what his window is I said once I'm in that bed

more than half an hour you can forget about it I'll wait around for half an hour but I'm not waiting around for any longer see I wouldn't wait like I would just

initiate it now I have been in situations before where I'm like this lad is never initiated anything. Yeah, because you do. So why would he bother? Yeah, because you want to be desired.

You know what I mean? It's like, you know I'll initiate. Like, yeah, you'll know I'll initiate. But then I think sometimes, we assume that men, there's an assumption that all men have this like wildly high sex drive. It's not true.

They don't. Some lads have no interest. Look at us looking at Joe. How many times a week, Joe? How many times a week? I'm not going to hold up a number on my end. I don't think you think it's going to happen. That's not going to happen. Well, if you can count. All this sex talk, I'm going home. I'm getting laid today.

Spencer, the spuffing's happening in the spuffing's happening in the lounge I actually must tell him don't spuff before I'm home you walk into the house there's a smell of trout Spencer have you been spuffing again

what have I told you about spuffing in the house that's so revolting. Gross. It's actually, that's a lie. You can't come in a fish. That's obviously true.

It's illegal. You can't do that. She's absolutely tried it. You want to see what I saw her do into a tin of tuna on holidays? From experience. It's practically impossible. Well, on that note,

thank you very much for listening. We've had a fantastic time. Hold on, we didn't answer this question. Stop trying to end the podcast. I did answer it. You're a night owl. It wouldn't bother you between 11 and 12.

No, what I was saying was, so intimate kissing. She's like, he's not taking the signals. You're obviously not, you're obviously not giving the right signals. Shove the tongue in further.

Yeah. Just take it in an ear or something. Get stuck in. And then give him a hard time about it that's what I would do I would I'd be one of these what was that line

what time are you going to be home in later can I talk to you can I I'd just like to talk to you about something can we have a chat are we both

it's a it's a Vogue who wants to fuck with you because she'll say something but it just seems a bit strange to me that seems a bit strange

it just all seems a bit strange and then she'll I've seen can I say I won't say it to new strange to me. That seems a bit strange. This all seems a bit strange. And then she'll I've seen can I say I won't say it to new. Yeah go on. She wanted to

someone was annoying her and she said she sent a text to me she's like it all feels a bit strange to me and she put down her phone and she started pissing herself

laughing because she knew it's just real. It all just feels a bit strange. And then the phone calls. And then she turns off her phone and she's just and she's giggling away

in the back of the car. She just ruined someone's day. And now she's not dealing with the consequences. They obviously start ringing her relentlessly and she's like,

I'm a sadistic little bitch. Thank you for listening. Just all feels a bit strange. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Crazy thing. Shady, shady prick. Do you know what I mean? I need to have a chat with you. Come on, let's go. Do you know what I mean? Can you want me to... Shady, shady prick. Do you want me to have a chat with you?

Come on, let's go. Yeah. Do you mind if I talk to you? Can I talk to you? Thank you.