My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Secret Santa!"

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Vogue & Joanne always love your emails, but this week you've done particularly well. Get ready for a round of "Secret Santa" and a pretty intense invite to meet the family...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of my therapist ghosted me with me, Vogue Williams. And myself, Joanne McNally. Joanne and Vujie, here we are backstage last night of our tour. Our ghosted tour in Ireland has come to an end. We're in Killarney. That's the noise you can hear is Davina Devine. Who is on stage.

Opening up our special guest. She's not special anymore. Obviously, we know her very well now. No, she's not special. She was special at the start. Now she's just one of the male, Davina. And just so everyone knows, we're not cheap bitches. We have had Joe on tour with us.

We just were keeping him as a surprise for the show but we can say that now because there's no way Davina's an absolute joy on stage I love her she's a joy on stage

and off stage off stage maybe even better we have been so lucky with... Joe's over there making himself another drink. That man has not stopped drinking. Joe, we brought you on tour for emotional and technical support

and you've cost us six grand in points. Well, this will be why I'm earning the pot of champagne for you now, is it? Do you want to know something... It's enough out of you. Do you want to know something interesting? Always. Well, then I've got nothing to say. Sorry.

Okay. That's it for this week. Thank you very much for listening. I have been Vogue. Okay. I want you to try and guess, right? And the listeners can try and guess too. Okay.

What are the top five most searched things in 2023? Oh, okay. Can I guess? Yeah. Is it dead people? No. Oh, is it Johnny Depp and Amber Heard? No.

Oh, is it like a, is it a physical thing? No, it's like, it's like things like appy kind of things. Oh, okay. Tinder. No. Raya. God, you're not good at this. No.

Oh, give me a clue. No. Raya. God, you're not good at this. No. Oh, um. Give me a clue. YouTube. Oh, that's not, you don't search YouTube. Sorry. YouTube, listen, you use YouTube.

Amazon. I'm pretty sure I am the only one keeping Amazon afloat. Stop. I'm locked out of my Amazon account. Are you? Oh, I'd love to.

And I rang them and everything and they were like, oh, because I don't have access to my old Irish number. They're like, no, you can't'd love to And I rang them And everything And they were like Oh Because I don't have Access to my old Irish number They're like No I can't get back in I was like

Alright Grant Well you've just Turned yourself out of A lot Three quid a year So fuck you A lot of money Facebook

Weather And Google Thanks Joanne I mean does Google Facebook Facebook Yeah people are mad For Facebook

Sorry Really I have a Facebook group For Flexi And it's like it's really nice. There will come a stage where everyone who uses Facebook

will be dead and then Facebook will die with it. I know. Like Bebo. I used to love Bebo. It's kind of an older crowd. Am I wrong? No, I think

I think loads of people use Facebook. Okay. Most Googled TV show. Succession. The Last of Us. Most Googled actor. Oh,ia roberts jeremy renner who your man he actually got he ran over himself by his own snowplow and he was like brian harvey

did that a snow no that was that was like i mean a snowplow like the thing with the wheels like oh your man yeah yeah yeah ran over himself he's healing yeah musician Brian Harvey did drive over himself most googled musician Vogue Williams Shakira

oh yeah fair enough tax evasion very interesting juicy most googled passing of 2023 passing yeah

oh Chander Bing yay she got one oh god I still think that's just so sad. Brittany's book was number one and then Matthew Perry passed

and his book became number one. And I'm going to be totally honest because I've... Read both. Had a chicken salad. I've read both. But I didn't finish Matthew's. Okay, Joanne, we're not here to speak ill of the dead.

I'm not speaking ill of him at all. I'm speaking ill of his editor. I want you to tell me a nice thing. I'm having a very anxious day today, listeners. There you are. What's going on with you? Where I've had to have Jo and Una weren't allowed to leave. Do you want a puppy?

No, I definitely don't want another dog. No. I didn't finish it. I will get back to it, but I didn't find it thoroughly engaging. I have to say, and no shade on him. I think he's a really interesting man, very talented actor.

Wasn't mad about the book. I apologize. I would have to say that I don't really read autobiographies. They're not like my favorite kind of thing to read. I love an autobiography. But when I write mine, I'm going to do at least four chapters on you.

I've got so much shit and dirt. And I'm willing to release all of it. Oh yeah. I'll send you loads of photos of myself for the photo section. You know when we go out together and have drinks. I always have my notes out. Just so you know. Always taking notes about you.

Yeah. I want everything. I want my menstrual cycle and my eye band. I want all my details. 100% sold. Okay. This is the bonus. So we're going to do some listener emails.

Oh I love these. Okay. Do you remember when Joanne So we're going to do some listener emails. I love these. Do you remember when Joanne decided she wanted to do some of the listener emails? She wanted to read them. Now she's realized she'd actually have to

go into her phone and go and search them. I like receiving. Ordebly, sexually, I'm a receiver. And can I be honest? I'm very good at reading. And I think that

you are. We should be doing things that we're good at and I'm good at reading. You are. Now you are, you know, tinkering on 40. It I think that you are we should be doing things that we're good at and I'm good at reading you are now you are you know tinkering on 40

it's good that you can read but yeah you are good at reading thank you very much good for you Vogue three stars thank you I would five

Secret Santa Vogue and Joanne I'm 22 part of a group hold on Vogue I get to oh sorry okay sorry

you read the emails well there's only two because Joe hasn't been doing his job because as I said he's been on the piss since he got in ireland okay secret santa or invite i mean we're gonna do both but which would you like oh i'd like invite please oh okay you're only saying that because i started with secret santa i am yes you're correct it's power play thursday you know

what after we started doing this thing right if gg has anything it could be anything anything he just wants it off her he just grabs everything off her he doesn't want her having anything he doesn't mind if T has something but if Gigi has it when he's up against a formidable character with Gigi so I don't know that's gonna be a long life for him she just throws wobblers okay oh my god please help me situation I met a guy in September he great. I've been single for two years. Thrilled. Yeah. He ticks all boxes

and I genuinely think there might be a future. I haven't met his family yet, but don't worry. I've got the invite. But wait, it's for Christmas Day. Oh, God.

Okay. Oh. Oh! Like, what the actual entire fuck? When he texted the offer I replied with crying laughing faces and he said he was

serious. Stop. Christmas Day. You can't be stealing someone's Christmas you've only started going out with. And then you'd have to

buy them presents. Let's finish. Maybe there's a twist. I don't want to upset or offend him so what do I do I'm totally not ready to meet his family

yet in any capacity let alone on Christmas fucking day I'd say he's asking because I'd be spending it with my flatmates who are grand oh

oh okay well she's not she doesn't have a family situation for the day it's a lovely gesture but I'm freaking out ah oh that's an easy fix

yeah but what I will say is as much it's so nice for him to ask you, but I think on Christmas Day you'd feel quite uncomfortable because it's like being a voyeur on somebody else's family day. It's too much of a family day. I think there's too much pressure on Christmas Day. I think, because if I was invited to someone else's on Christmas Day, I'd be like, oh, how does it look if I'm going to someone else's? No, it's actually, I could do anything you want on Christmas Day. And if she doesn't have if I'm going to someone else no it's actually I could do anything

you want on Christmas Day and if she doesn't have family plans if she's hanging out with her flatmates which also could be a fun day maybe he's like come over to mine

for a bit of like a wholesome roast if you're not getting that in the flat oh god I'm sorry I think that like if you're meeting I'd go

no I wouldn't go I have to say I wouldn't go I'd feel really uncomfortable I'd rather sit at home on my own I didn't think I'd come home what?

I couldn't you'd spend Christmas day on your own other than go to your boyfriend's family yeah that you've never met before that you basically have to act like a really nice person

the whole day and you don't want to do that all day not the whole day you're in at 12 you're going at 3 well I don't think that's the offer

you're there the whole day Christmas is the full day you can't just say bought a cava three crackers out cheese board good luck

I could do it the only thing is it would be a nice day to meet family I suppose because everyone's in a good mood and like you just add to the joy and they'd be like

she was so nice even if you were a dick everyone's pissed they won't remember it's an easy one to do and it's an easy one to get out of it's Christmas day

like you can say it and you want like everyone gets away with everything on Christmas day I like family I don't like family I've I'm nervous I've ADHD like you can say it and you want like everyone gets away with everything on Christmas Day I like family I don't like family I've I'm nervous

I've ADHD whatever you can make all your excuses I think that we haven't helped you at all I think that you just have to decide yourself what you actually want to do

for Christmas Day and then do that maybe she wants to hang out with her flatmates on Christmas Day no she said they're not great she said they're grand then fucking go to his

I know but then you have to go to a house eat the turkey get a doggy bag go home watch Succession. You would not, like, you would not in your arse ever do that.

I will drink anywhere. Okay, fine. If I was invited to Pret-a-Manger on Christmas Day. Yeah, like a secret event. Well, if they were doing... I'd be like, Pat, good luck to you. Pat, I'm sorry.

A better offer has come through. I'm not available. Sit there alone in your paper hat do you have to do anything on Christmas day just out of interest like do you do anything in what sense

like do you help with anything help with anything who's cooking your food I help with anything I open

doors and pour drinks why what happens you see I can on Christmas day I'm always having to do loads of stuff all day

yeah because you've got children I am going to I am childless forward slash Todd free me and my mum living our lives yeah but your brother's coming over

you're cooking so like who cleans up do you not even have to clean up that's amazing how did you clean up oh no no no I do I'll put stuff in the

dishwasher and stuff okay fair enough okay yeah yeah yeah okay back to the one spoons or whatever I wanted to read first Secret Santa

and then I'll pay the kids a fiver to do the rest of it are they at that age that's great they're 14 13 perfect they have Revolution

accounts so I'm just stop we're in a lot more contact now since they got the Rev happy birthday Rev happy birthday Rev happy Christmas Rev that's all they want though

it's all they want Vogue and Joanne yes I'm 22 part of a group of six girls who all love the podcast thank you and we've invented

the best game ever please share apart from one we're all single and we love a little go of the apps the other night after a few drinks

we decided to play Secret Santa here's how it works everyone opens the app puts their phone in a bowl in the middle and then the bowl is passed around

you pick out a phone and then get swiping. The game was so funny because you're swiping for a friend and we're all being nice not being evil to each other. That's nice.

Yeah. That's important. Sometimes, well, I used to, like, I used to do that on people's apps.

I used to love doing that. But it does get boring after a while. The swiping game. Yeah. You get bored and i kind of feel cruel i know because you're like dismissing people because they've got like a fucking their eyebrows on you're like what am i like do i want a life with someone or do i not i know so the game

is to get something nice for your friend something they wouldn't usually pick for themselves but you think that you think they might like the swipe i got was for a 29 year old fella who boo ghosted me a wanker after a few messages it happens that's not a real ghost no it's not it's not that's not a ghost like a ghosting i honestly think is when you've like kind of met someone in human life yeah you have to have met them because they're so because the apps are so disposable the people they're so disposable you just forget you just lose interest or forget yeah like you can't

even take it personally you honestly can't oh my god I just think like if I was ever like single again I think I'd be desperate on the apps

do you remember that guy that I met on the apps I'd broken up with someone and then I was kind of swiping away swiping away and then I matched with this guy

and it was the first guy I really... Liked. Fancied. I didn't even know him from Adam. Yeah. But we were swiping and we were chatting and it was like this faux relationship kind of thing. Because you're like voice noting and chatting

and he had that like really sexy Essex accent thing. And then one day he just went away and it was like... I think I remember him yeah because you were oh a nice Essex accent yeah I know but I was so the only thing that the thing that excited me in hindsight was that I fancied someone it was the first time I fancied someone after my ex so I was like oh there's there's life there's life in me but I really invested in this guy that like I think we voice noted for three days oh you were voice noting

oh yeah I was like by a hat I tell you what I just don't think I'd be good at that ah I told you about

when I used to have this boyfriend in school and like he was he had told me he was going to ring me at six o'clock so I had written down all these points

to talk to him about because I was so embarrassed that's just because you're nervous you're a great conversationist except for last night uh stop don't give me the fear was I bad no I just have to say it was the funniest goodbye so me and Vogue went back to her room we were having a couple of drinks and just chatting about life and you know work and everything and then I was like okay look let's wrap it up and she was like yeah grand and so I

I stood up and I put on my jacket I turned around to's wrap it up and she was like yeah grand and so I I stood up and I put on my jacket I turned around to give her a hug and she was in her bedroom with the lights off and I was like oh

love you night see you tomorrow I just thought there'd be a more sentimental send off that's all I would have had you in bed with me

I get very lonely she's like see you later lights I stood in the dark in your apartment. I get very lonely. I wanted to rush in and go to sleep because I knew you were still there.

So at least I knew you were there while I was falling asleep. I wanted to touch. You wanted to rub against each other. And it was not good. Here, two of the girls got the ride. One got a gargoyle. And the last one is still chatting to hers. Oh, there you go.

That's a nice game. It's like when you're younger, you used to swap phones to read each other's messages. I also think arranged marriages are the way to hers. Oh, there you go. That's a nice game. It's like when you're younger, you used to swap phones to read each other's messages. I also think arranged marriages are the way to go. I actually, no, no, because my mum,

like the people my mum says, isn't he gorgeous? I'm like, no. I think gorgeousness is overrated. I think just meet someone, make a decision,

let's just do this together, come hell or high water and just fucking suck it up okay I don't know about that I'd be very particular about who I marry I know that sounds unusual coming from me but I am actually quite particular about who I marry yeah but an arranged marriage might have worked out better for me I'll marry fucking anyone what's the date I'm free there yeah I'll be there go on sure

I'll have another I'm actually passing through Sicily on the 8th of December that suits you perfectly I'll try one again okay so we have an episode for next week

I know this is the way I sit I'm sorry I'm glad there's a vase of flowers in the way because you are crotch-tastic. Why are you presenting yourself like that? I actually always sit like this.

Have you never noticed? I've never noticed that. My legs are like on either side of the sofa. That's the way I sit. Usually you're in like an office chair whereas this is... I know. Una had to get the office chair.

Our director had to get the office chairs because I was splaying too much. You're really presenting yourself there about. I'm hoping that I'll see you in my room later goodbye I think you'll be sorted by then

to be honest I don't think anyone passing you a situation like that is going to leave it all anyway on that note what I was trying

to say there before Dianne got turned on so we've got a main on Friday and then we've got our bonus next week and then we're

going to see you again in January thank you everyone for listening it means the world to us it means the world and like and subscribe and like

subscribe and five stars or no stars bye you