My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Sexy saliva..."

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Recorded backstage in Brighton as the "Autumnal Tour" kicked off, Vogue & Joanne explore some very personal thoughts...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Diorama McNally and herself, Fogue Williams. Hello. Thank you for listening to us. Thank you so much. We are in Brighton. We're coming to you live from the Brighton Down.

Live from the Brighton Down. We're back on tour the autumnal tour has begun do you know what do you want to do like it is the most

annoying thing because it's going through my head right now she's walking around singing I Saw Mommy Kiss and Santa Claus and all I can sing now

is I I don't know where I don't know where that came from I was just walking through the corridors of the Brighton Down and I just started banging it out and I heard you you don't even know music so know where that came from I was just walking through the corridors of Brighton Dome and I just started

banging it out and I heard you don't even know music so where did that come from I heard Joe go not yet mate it's September and I was like

oh shit but now it's it's one of those it's contagious it's like the herpes of music like you're just gonna keep hearing it I know

desperate do I don't wear these do you know sometimes this little worm comes into your brain a little red worm Marks and Spencer have sold out of their

certain Christmas decorations already it's September what? I know I feel really on the back foot because you know how much I love a Christmas decoration

what about the for the spooky bitches what about the Halloween ornaments? I do have Halloween decorations you'll see them you'll be in the house I have a giant spider

that goes across the whole ceiling I'd rather a spider on the ceiling than an elf on the shelf oh no the elf on the shelf is back I bought lots of bits

for that because they sold out around Christmas time so I learnt my lesson I bought a sled I bought him a little chalkboard that the elf

can leave notes on so when tea was spitting I said don't spit and he stopped spitting because the elf was going to because the elf was going to take credit

tea started at school cut his tongue out that's what I'd be telling my kids oh well I don't think you'd go that far I told the Easter Bunny's gonna come and gouge your eyes out

if you don't get your fucking little hands out of that jar Spenny came into me with grubby fat hands I forget what I was gonna say there hang on sorry tea started at school

oh yeah so like you know you've got like the tooth fairy and all that kind of stuff and he came in to me one day and he goes did you tell Theodore that ghosts are real

I was like yeah he was like why did you say that I was like well because I think they are I'm not going to lie to my son

most people would like try and protect their children I'm not a liar Joanne yeah you're not a liar you're just deranged I'm not ghosts are Joanne yeah you're not a liar you're just deranged I'm not a

ghosts are real okay I've seen a ghost you're a conspiracy theorist no I've seen a ghost oh god I can't I'm sorry but I have I've seen a ghost and I'm not gonna

sorry but I have and that's you're just gonna have to deal with this my parents lied to me at all the appropriate times like I remember the day I realised my parents

were going to die do you remember this? yeah T's asked me day I realised my parents were going to die do you remember this yeah T's asked me about that and my parents were like no that's not going to happen they're like that'll never happen

liars I know I know well I did I did lie about that in fairness yeah you have to so you told them

ghosts are real but that you'd live forever listen you can make them feel fine but like I'll come back and haunt you yeah I think that would work actually

if that comes full circle I'll be at the end of your bed whenever you're doing anything strange I remember because I do believe in ghosts I was like god I hope my dad doesn't visit me

at like an inappropriate time has he I haven't seen him yet I haven't seen him yet maybe we're just not looking properly maybe he just hasn't visited he's having a great time up there

that's it so we're in Brighton and very sad thing has happened to me you know when you're starving

absolutely starving and I didn't even I only had a packet of crisps on the train that was it Joanne had a whole buffet on the train I did

and I was like I'm going to save my actually I was walking to the train with a rucksack full of snacks and quarter bottles of wine she had bang bang chicken I've never seen that before solid I was walking to the train with a rucksack full of snacks and quarter bottles of wine.

She had bang bang chicken. I've never seen that before. I had everything from Marks and Spencer's. And I was like, you know this, it's like an hour, the train journey. Like I had enough food to last me for Glastonbury for an hour train journey. I tried to do the notes. The table was like stacked full of rubbish. I was like, Vogue, are you in there?

Then she started eating my one packet of prawn cocktail crisp I'm like no I spent a grand in Marks and Spencer's and I regret nothing I regret nothing I love a train I love a train snack

and I love a train wine tell me about Theodore he started school this week yeah he was so excited he absolutely loved his uniform

she was obviously furious that she didn't have one Vogue showed me the photo of Theodore in his little uniform around his school

and he looked absolutely gorgeous and I was like oh hold on and she's like what and I was like his trousers they're culottes

yeah I didn't realise he wears culottes in school I was like his trousers are a little short now I know well they're supposed to be short

that's what Jane said to me they're above the ankle they're little culottes. Little culottes. And he's got these little navy school shoes and he's just delighted with himself. So I thought he was like,

I thought he'd already grown out of them but actually he has to grow into them because they're actually below the... No, the other kids, they're all the same as, all the kids have the same. It's a weird choice. I've never seen a treasure that length on purpose.

Well, I have. I have a pair of culottes and I was missing so i was trying to send him to a school that had one of the boater hats like i just i wanted him to go on a boater hat i was like if i'm gonna be over in england and living here like i want my kid to have a boater hat but there was there's another school and like it's meant to be a really good school and i saw their uniform and i was like i'm not sending him there. It was like this, like, it's not, it's not cream. It's like a, it's like a,

like a vomity, pinky, weird colour with wine on it. Like home and away. No, way worse than that. It was just so ugly.

I was like, I can't send him to school now. Anyway, so he started school and we were downstairs getting all our pictures taken. Gigi, not one single smile

because how dare he have the attention that she so desires. She so deserves actually. Yeah. So me and Gigi have broken a boundary yeah she started talking

to me now because I felt threatened she's like remember what I told you Gigi if you don't talk to my friends you can't wear my high heels so now she's started talking to me

and then she goes in and drags out the heels and clip claps around in her knickers like it's so cute but now she's started kind of like flirting with me so I'm like hey Gigi and she's like drags like i can't i said about i can't believe what it took with me

to move in full time to your home for your children to actually give me any fucking respect i know when you're in you're in though i know now i'm in with her you're in bring her home a little prezzy one day she's all yours forever yeah of course we were sitting there and we were just uh we were having some quiet time weren't we and she just kept coming in and out of my dressing room with different pairs

of shoes on she's so cute I know so sweet big news what I found somewhere to live oh Joanne has a house

well it's a flat it's lovely it's your first place in London on your own it's my first place in London on my own and it's unfurnished which means

it'll never have any furniture but it doesn't matter she will never own I'm excited for the space oh my god Joanne you need to buy pots and pans and stuff like this this is going to be

a lot of work for me oh my god I didn't even think of a pot yeah I'm busy I didn't even think of a pot or a pan plates I was thinking like

am I even going to manage to get a bet but like I didn't even think of a pot or a pan a pot. I was thinking like, am I even going to manage to get a bed? But like, I didn't even think of a pot or a pan. A pot or, no, you're going to have to buy all this stuff. I never thought about that.

Like a kitchen roll holder. I just can't imagine her buying things like that. I'll rent that stuff. No, you don't rent a kitchen roll holder. I've never lived on my own before and I'm 40 and I feel like it's time

and I'm very ready for this new chapter of independence yeah do you know what I mean she's going to have to get bed sheets and duvets I just don't think she'll do that I am going to need a lot of help

I know and you know and we've talked about that I understand don't be surprised if your forks start going missing and I'm clanging into the house with a little bag

full of wine glasses but it's really nice it's like a corner oh my god we can go to Ikea I love Ikea you get loads of plants and stuff get all your wine glasses there

because you're going to smash about with them anyway I got little plastic beakers for that I remember yeah get those red plastic cups yeah they're very retro

but it's like this corner apartment so it's look this is renting now obviously or whatever but it's this corner apartment so it's all light and really is renting now, obviously, or whatever. But it's this corner, so it's all light.

Yeah. And really spacious rooms. And the kind of kitchen runs into the sitting room. So it's all, like, it'll be great for the dinner parties that I won't throw. But I was like, I can see myself having, and it's got a fire, Jo. It's got a fire. It's got a real fire. I mean, she'll light it once and won't want to clean up after it.

So that would be it. Just like reading and smoking cigars alone. Merlot everywhere. Oh my god wait! Do you know what I love? Like I could come

and stay the night one night and just have a child free night with no kids waking me up. You could totally come and stay. You can stay.

I have a spare room. Which is really nice to have. I'm going to get one of those beds that comes out of the wall.

Old school. No no no no no I told you about those women. No. The sisters who she's really nice to have I'm going to get one of those beds that comes out of the wall old school no no no no no I told you about those women no the sisters who died in the bed it closed on them and it's not the first time

like imagine me and Amber just trying to get a good night's sleep and the bed closes and we just like can't get out and that's it oh my god someone actually mailed me

because I think we spoke with this in the pub before someone mailed me and said that they were her aunties I know that'd be a desperate death it'd be awful but it's a great icebreaker at the funeral now

I have to say it's better than just having a stroke do you know what I mean you're like hey did they die well did you hear and then you know it's an interesting death

I would say there's no shame in getting in that being like getting sprung back into the wall because it's I just think

it's not a bad way to go I think it's a terrible way to go I think the worst way I've ever read sorry for being a bit like morbid on this don't worry Jo we're just recording a pod here

so get yourself a drink are you getting a beer Jo? he just did a bit I think getting sprung into the wall is not it's a pretty exciting death if I'm honest

no I think for me an exciting death will be not, it's a pretty exciting death, if I'm honest. No, I think for me, an exciting death will be a death in my sleep or no death at all. No death at all. No death at all. I was talking about, like the fucking heat in London at the moment. It's, it's disgusting.

And obviously, as someone who identifies strongly as a perspirator. Yeah, yeah. Or a perspirer. You're yeah. Or a perspirer. You're glowing. You're always glowing, though. Stop saying that in the podcast. You tell me I look wet.

That's what you say to me off air, on the pod. She's like, you're glowing, babe. She's like, why is your face all soggy? As someone who perspires excessively, I'm actually doing it now, this kind of heat, it gets me,

it really gets me down. does it get your gout? because it gets my gout because like I get up and I'm fucking straight away I'm soaking wet and not in a nice way just like soaking

do you know what I mean? but anyway I was saying to Vogue I was like if this heat continues like because I was like this is climate change like this is

do you know what I mean? like this is it's just going to keep getting worse and worse and worse and she was like this is climate change like this is do you know what I mean like this is it's just going to keep getting worse and worse and worse and she was like it won't bother us though and I was like

yeah you're right because we'll be dead she goes exactly we'll be dead and she goes hold on that will bother us we'll be dead that won't be a good thing

I do like even I'm getting the upper lip sweat and that's unusual for me what yeah I'm getting the upper lip sweat. Oh yeah, Joanne's bags are available.

Yes, Anxious Preoccupied is the name of my new clothing. One of the jumpers. I'm actually too embarrassed to plug it. I'm an absolute bore. Anxious Preoccupied is deadly. It's those metallic bags that I was wearing ages ago, but Joanne likes to give gifts and then take them back. So I don't have it anymore. Because I gave her a sample bags that I was wearing ages ago but Joanne likes to give gifts and then take them back so I don't have it anymore

because I gave her a sample and then I was like I actually need it back for the photo shoot well do you know you can sell that bag yourself then I'm going to do a whole bonus about anxious bureaucracy

oh okay what do I have to sell I suppose go to 20 go to 20 for barebyvogue.com so it's an email

would you like to hear a Vogue? I would like to hear it This is usually my job Which one wants to do it? I'm going to read today Hello My ex recently ended Our long term relationship

Completely out of the blue Over text Whilst we've been living together Heartbroken Anyway I went home for a birthday weekend With my family Hang on a second

Why would you end it over text If you're living with somebody Like you're there to talk to them. I think some people just can't, they just can't hack it. It's a lot when someone, because I think when you do, when you get into a conversation by breaking up face to face, there's dialogue. They can answer back and then you're all kind of caught up.

Whereas if you just want to lay out your points and just leave a text, I think is perfect. Yeah, I got dumped in a coffee shop before it wasn't a full dumping because we got back together and then I dumped him but I got dumped

in a yeah I got dumped in a coffee shop and I was just sitting there like wailing like you know you know what we're like we have no shame

so nothing you do is ever right like I've gone out with lads who broke up with me face to face I'm like you prick and then they do it on text I'm like you prick there's no right way to do it no I agree I've gone out with lads who broke up with me face to face I'm like you prick and then they do it on text I'm

like you prick there's no right way to do it I mean if you were a really emotionally balanced person you would be like look I'd love to meet you

on the pier and you'd explain it all to them and then you'd just like cry into his arms and move on but like I don't know anyone who's had that except

going to a polo show yeah but I don't really believe that come on I think that you can have the idea that you're gonna like be friends and stuff but you can't really be friends. Come on. I think that you can have the idea that you're going to be friends and stuff,

but you can't really be friends. Some people are. I went out with a guy called David before and we went out for a couple of years. We were young and we stayed friends. We really did. I think it's different when you're young, young, but not like a big,

I don't think a big love. A big love is, like I'm not not friends with one of my exes. I just don't speak to him very often. I know. It's a different dynamic. You're like we used to ride and now we're having coffee in costume. I honestly can't remember any of the dicks.

I tell you it is a true thing. Dick knee. Dick knee. Dick amnesia. Dick amnesia. I was singing that because we were talking about somebody. I remember all of them. They dance in my nightmares.

I can't but I can't even remember like I guess I can remember if the sex was good or bad but like I can't remember like any like specific details I've had mostly bad sex really yeah if I was to go on the sexual encounters that I've had, it's most, now obviously I'm not going per, I'm not going per amount

of times I've had sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because with certain people it's really good and you've sexed loads of time with them because you're going out. Yeah. But when I talk about

the stats on sexual encounters versus good sex, it's not great. Sex, it's, I've had a lot of bad sex. I feel like I'm starting to feel like I might be the problem

I think that you need to I think that yeah are you the one doing the bad sex I just think on one night stands you're like whatever just fucking get it done

well you're not gonna like it's not like you can be like here do it like this do it like that whereas like when you're with somebody like you do that whole thing

and then you get them to be good. Yeah, exactly. You train them up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The whole fist. What did I fucking tell you?

Unless that fist is creasing out through my lips or my mouth, I'm not happy about it. Wear me like a watch or get out. To the elbow, I said, to the elbow. What is wrong with everyone?

It's not right. Go back to the email. Go back to the email. Anyway, I went home for a birthday weekend with my family and I found a handwritten card from him

addressed to my parents saying how sad he was about our breakup. He was saying how upset he was by it all, how wonderful I was and how sad he was that he was losing me

as well as my family even though he was the one that broke up with me. What? It was all so, so odd. And when I asked my mum, she completely agreed, why write a handwritten letter

to your ex's parents? I think he sounds very polite to be honest yeah maybe it's just good etiquette I don't know like I'd be like what are you writing my mum for this is one of those things

that like do you know when you break up with someone and you're like nothing they do is right you're like you wrote a handwritten letter to my parents saying that you'd miss them

it is kind of weird if you don't like just like it's a bit much yeah it's a bit much and what are you trying to preserve the relationship

with my parents yeah you lose them they come with me if I'm if you're not with me you don't get my parents anyway me and my mum

had a good laugh about it but found it seriously weird anyway if Benny and I broke up like you're you're not you're mine no no I understand that

yeah okay good okay good no you do you split into teams a hundred percent yeah you do it's split into teams. A hundred percent. Yeah, you do. It's only fair. Anyway, onwards and upwards

and I'd rather be single as I now feel I've seen his true colours. I was going to say etiquette there but that's not fair. Loved the pod and taught you to appreciate the story. That is incredibly bizarre.

I don't really understand it. Like, why would he bother? Did he want to get back with her? I think when people break up with people they feel really guilty and they're kind of bother did he want to get back with her I think when people break up with people they feel really guilty and they're kind of like maybe he got on with her parents

really well and he was like I don't want her bad mouthing me I want to get my story across yeah well they're never really going to go for you

if it's their child well no but also he might win them over to a certain degree that they're not going he's the devil do you know what I mean those parents think he's a weirdo

well I mean her mum's telling her that she's thinks it's weird but god knows her mother might really appreciate it maybe it's framed in the attic from her

secretly appreciate it I mean there is no there's no good way to break up with somebody there's no good way but like I do agree with this woman writing a handwritten

letter to her parents is fucking weird hi girls can't fuck around with this I like this woman just straight in written letter to her parents is fucking weird. Hi girls. Can't fuck around with this. I like this woman just straight in. So I'll get straight to the point.

Yeah. I'm living in a shared house of five girls and the vibe is good. We get along and there's no bitching or pettiness but I'm around 90% sure

one of them has been ruining my drawers when I'm gone and using my vibrator. I just no that cannot be true. Would someone even do this? I can't imagine.

You would. I think you would. I probably would. I know you would. I know you would. I know. What towel did you use downstairs? Because my towel's down there now.

I probably would. I like it. As in... She'd be put in all different places I probably would and do you know what it's not that like I just wouldn't care

like it's it's just like sharing a drink do you want to do an anal on someone else's face I wouldn't do that now I'd keep everything up top and up front

and then I'd use a nice simple face wipe and then I'd put it back with a thank you note thanks for the vibes gal that is do you know what it is I just

I'm not very caught up I'm not like a germaphobe do you know what I mean so I wouldn't care I can't even share drinks I'm not sharing a vibrator I wouldn't I know you took my water bottle the other't care I can't even share drinks I'm not sharing a vibrator I wouldn't

I know you took my water bottle The other day And I was like I drank it I knew it I wasn't sure I'm glad you didn't tell me No I didn't tell her

Because she took a big swig And she was like Is that mine? Yeah And then she took it And I was like Oh my god On the Peloton

That one Oh no It was warm It was the end as well So it was awesome All the spit Anyway yes Tell me now You fucking better Lock up your vibes Because you're going out For the day it was warm it was the end as well so it was awesome all the spit anyway yes Vogue

tell me now you fucking better lock up your vibes because you're going out for the day do you know why I would use yours because I know

they've been heavily sterilized because of your issues yeah okay fair enough yeah you know you've got a clean one on your hands

exactly did I tell you that story about what happened with my vibrator now I hadn't I haven't used that one I just got it but I don't know why

because my dressing room is downstairs, as you know, helping yourself to everything. Indeed. And I get really worried. I went into your bedroom and I saw my nice, my white top and I was like, please. What top? The white top with the blue and red stripes. Oh, I can't wear that.

It's too hot. Oh, thank God. Because I was like, I haven't worn that yet. I don't think I'll ever get to wear it in my whole life. No, no, no. Don't worry. We have a, what's the word an amnesty

going on okay fine like this top for example oh you can have that well I know because it was in your load of clothes we were throwing out

yeah I went rooting through it's more yours now I will say I got a few mails off people saying oh I love Joanne's t-shirt where is it from

and a part of me wanted to take it back but I was like one man's meat and all that Joanne came in with lovely a couple of me wanted to take it back but I won't I was like one man's meat and all that Joanne came in with lovely a couple of two pieces for me the other day

I was like wow it's like Christmas but yeah so what happened with my vibrator right so I went on holidays and we have a lovely lady who looks after our house and she basically

was cleaning different drawers and stuff so I got home because there was nobody there so I got home and I was opening my bathroom cupboard I was like oh my god

I can't believe that someone's cleaned that or like the kitchen cupboards were all sorted went into my dressing room opened my sock drawer I was like wow she sorted the sock drawer

opened the bra drawer all my bras are lined up opened the knicker drawer untouched because she'd got put the hand in and got bitten by a buzz she had obviously

come across she had come across the vibrator and got bitten by a buzz She had obviously Come across She had come across The vibrator And obviously didn't want me To know that she'd found The vibrator But obviously I knew Because the other doors

Were clean And the knickers Were just untouched But I'd never used That vibrator But no But see what I don't Understand is like

Like It's so not a thing Anymore Do you know what I mean It's not I would think it was strange Or if someone didn't have one I'd be like You need to have one Do you know what I mean? It's not. I would think it was strange or someone didn't have one. I'd be like,

you need to have one. Do you know what I mean? And if I was a cleaner, I'd just be like dusting it down and putting it back where it belongs. I wouldn't even think twice about it. I think your juice down there is the same as your juice down there.

Oh no, no, no. It's just a different, it's just a sexier saliva. Okay, okay. It's just sexy saliva, Val. Listen, you have to lick my mouth or you have to lick my vagina. Which one?

If they're all the same, which one are you licking? That's a great question, Vogue. And I'm glad you asked it. I'd go down on you because they're all the same. I've made my point. I'm doubling down.

It's just sexy saliva it's just upside down saliva that's all it is okay well do you know what I look forward to yeah and it's and it's you know

Joanne and I Joanne and I slept together we did didn't we I went downstairs this morning and when I'm a little bit hungover I get lonely and I went into Joanne and when I'm a little bit hungover I get lonely

and I went into Joanne's room I was like I'm naked and she's like are you yeah and she just got in anyway and I was like I literally didn't care

I was like I'm getting but she as always she was sleeping with like piles of stuff on one side of the bed so I had to like

dump all of that on the floor did you hear what was playing on the documentary was playing you didn't know hear what was playing on the documentary was playing you didn't know that my earplugs in the documentary

made the history of trains and I was like oh shit so I put it into the airpod fan and went straight off again she came in with this eye mask

which was like it was like one of those things that you wear that you can see oh what is it? A porn. They all watch porn.

VR. VR. Virtual reality. Her eye mask is so large. It's like a VR headset. It's like out here. She's like coming into the room with this fucking wrapper. I don't even know how your head holds it up.

And these earplugs like Frankenstein, like these nails coming out her ears and she just throws everything off my bed I said excuse me I like to keep my mess elevated I like to keep

my mess I actually looked at the bed and I was like the view the view the sleep I've never seen anything like this I don't know how you

you didn't even have the curtains closed it couldn't have been brighter in that room I was like how is she falling asleep so yeah we had a little snooze together

anyway Joanne and I are off she's going to go down on me now so we've got to go we've got to pop off gotta go gotta check out

that sexy saliva girls just going to hang you upside down like a bat oh I'm excited and get stuck in thank you very much for listening to the bonus episode

of my therapist goes with me with me about Williams and she Joanne McNally and that is a gorgeous rosé I thought it was a rosé I was thinking

what is it not a rosé peanut wow your sommelier friend really taught you well I thought it was a rosé. I was thinking it was. What? Is it not a rosé? Peanut. Wow. Your sommelier friend really taught you well. I'm like, wow, it was so peanut. Thank you.