My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "She slapped me, full on in the face!"

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Joanne was shocked when Vogue popped up on the screen from Dubai this week and she wasted no time in explaining why. Plus, a fantastic email about sisterly love. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello, welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally in London and our roving reporter, Vujay Williams in Dubai. Dubbers, dubbers, what do you call it, dupes, dupes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, you started that, my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, HunDP, you're right. Okay.

Actually, interestingly, I was looking up Victorian slang the other day and got the morbs was actually a Victorian slang term for saddens. The morbs? Yeah, morbid. Oh, morbid.

Yes. I forgot that bit. Well, I am tired myself. I know that sounds stupid, but I did not get it. No, no, no. Oh, morbid. Yes. I forgot that bit. Well, I am tired myself. I know that sounds stupid, but I did not get it. No, no, no. You actually nailed it. I, having read the article,

couldn't remember what it was. Got the Morbs, yeah. Got the Morbs is a slang phrase or euphemism used in the Victorian era. The phrase describes a person afflicted with temporary melancholy or sadness. I'm not the only oneed with temporary melancholy or sadness.

I'm not the only one who's racking heads with abbreviations. The Victorians were also at it. So we had started this conversation not recording, but Jo has asked me to save my insults

for when we're live. And I was saying, out of love, I've never seen you look bad ever I've known you how long

and you always look absolutely gorgeous and today is the first day you look tired folk I'm sorry I've never seen it before

I think even two seconds after you'd birth you didn't even look tired. This is the first time I've ever seen you look tired. Jo, doesn't she look tired? Jo, okay, go on. Twist the knife in.

You look tired. Your eyes are all sunken and kind of lined. I've never seen it. You look like shit, Vogue. I'm so glad. I honestly never thought this day was going to come I'm absolutely thrilled

see Jo she's human turns out I'll tell you what happened well we started this conversation actually because

I was like oh I don't know if I have time some lovely people in Dubai are going to come do my hair and makeup maybe I don't need it

and then Joanne goes God you look awful what's wrong no no no no Vogue that's not a lie that's not what I said

I said would you be arsed getting your hair and makeup done for a stage show when no one can really see up close anyway and then I said it looks to me

like you need the rest you look like shit that's happened I've had so much rest I think the problem is because I flew overnight last night tell your face Tell your face.

Because your face does not know it's at any rest. I woke up 10 minutes ago. You are a witch. God, I really do. I do look like shit. I look like shit. I put a bit of makeup on as well. Look, it's not possible for you to look like shit, but I'm just saying

you're usually a 12 out of 10 and now you're circling around an 8. That's all I'm going to say. I would say I'm circling around a 4. Look at that eye. Look at that eye. I've got a bit of makeup on here, guys. Lean in again. You've makeup on? I've a bit of makeup on. I know.

What brand are you using? It's not working There's nothing that can be done for me today I'm a tired girl I just decapitate yourself and get over it Just move on I actually think You say I'm tired

But I think what's happened is I've overslept Because we got to Dubai Spenny then was pretending Oh hang on one sec That might be my coffee Which could possibly Change my looks Hello

It's fucking too late To be honest Oh she's back Are you back Do you know what I was just thinking I'm such a bad friend I haven't watched

Taskmaster yet I have to watch it That's terrible now That's bad of me You haven't watched Taskmaster No I haven't watched You in it

I've got a whole well Joanne don't that's terrible by this well you're telling me to watch the reindeer girl and stuff

why don't you tell me to watch Taskmaster tell everyone to watch Taskmaster I'm only going by what you tell me trust me you'd get way more out of

Baby Ranger than you will out of Taskmaster as much as I absolutely adore doing Taskmaster and like but like you see me all the time doing tasks I do will at a taskmaster as much as I absolutely adore doing taskmaster and like but like

you see me all the time doing tasks I do you're trying you're a task girl you're so tasky you always see me trying to do tasks

maybe poke your eyes or maybe you should turn your camera off me and Jo are finding it hard to look at you like this do you know what you're upsetting us

I will tell you what I am not cancelling that hair and makeup for later I don't give a fuck if you can't see me on stage. I need all the help I can get. I love the way you're like, I think I'm too rested actually.

That's the problem. Oh, I was telling you the story. So anyway, so we're back at the hotel. We've got four hours sleep on the flight because we flew overnight because everything was a bit mad. And anyway, I'm lying there, desperate to go to sleep.

Spenny is sleazing all over me. And you know when he gets so angry? On the plane? No, when we got here. And I was just like, do you know how tired I am? Well, do you know how horny I am? And I was like, get out. I was like, go to the pool or something.

You're obviously not tired. I should have taken his lead and gone to the pool because he looks fantastic. And I look like I've had too much sleep. Spenny did spend quite some time in the bathroom there, actually. I thought he was showering, but I actually didn't hear the shower going. So I thought he was maybe doing something else. We better keep going so you have time to get your hair and makeup done.

Absolutely. John, I have definitely looked worse. I have looked worse. You've seen me though you know I dress you look fab maybe just a little under eye patch

I'll get it now actually I have them in my bag oh my god I'm going to pop one on now so we're on the way to Dubai last night and

and I had come from a shoot I was filming a TV show so I'd come straight from there and I was filming a really cool thing with I don't know if I'm allowed to say what it is do you know who I was filming with AJ Dudu and she's actually so I know I've known her

Big brother AJ yeah and I've known her for years but like she's just one of those people that she's she's exactly she's oh she's exactly the same as she's always been and just really really sound so i got on really well with her i was filming with her for two days um but anyway so i took off all my makeup and i was uh and i was looking dreadful as you've seen and i went i went to the check-in place standing in one of those machines where you're getting your x-ray done and i love the you know the ones where like you don't have to take anything out of your bags because i have a sneaky trick for

anyone who wants to know when you don't get one of those smith's machines and you've too much little bits because you've got your makeup you've got your toiletries split it into two trays and get one in one tray and one of the other tray and pretend one isn't yours for a second and then you'll get all the toiletries through oh that's smart yeah yeah yeah but anyway with the new machines you don't have to do any of that so i'm standing there in the extra machine your one goes yeah your one goes oh they're nice and i was like thank you i got about my silver adidas runners i was like oh thank you so much i'm like you know i'm quite hard of hearing i was like yeah i got them i got them before they went crazy expensive and they also do these leopard ones and she goes i, put your feet on the yellow line.

I've gone into this whole rant. Put your feet on the yellow feet. I don't know how I heard it. Hold on. How did you? What? How? You maybe heard, I like what you have on your feet?

I heard her say, I thought she said, oh, they're nice. But I think, I think she said something. I don't know. My hearing's really bad. You know that. So, but then I was going on about the shoes and I was like, they are, aren't they? Thrilled with the compliment. I was like, I look great.

Sorry, come here to me. Do you remember you were talking about your man who, who was training, who went to the spin class in his double denim. Double denim,

yeah, like bewitched, yeah. Have you seen? Now, no shade against Lenny Kravitz because he's a complete on the bike,

fight like me dad. I was like, fucking hell man, you need to, you need to take a layer off like I'm sweating just looking at you well listen to this

Lenny Kravitz who's a complete ride I mean I would I'm not I'm always so crude about men Lenny Kravitz looks like a nice man

good company he looks like good company he looks fantastic great conversationalist yeah he looks like he would smell He looks fantastic. Great conversationalist. Yeah, he looks like he would smell nice. Well, not really, actually. Did you see him in the gym training in his leather trousers? In his leather pants, yeah.

He's so on brand. That's exactly what I thought, folks. I said, good for you, Lenny. Good for you. Don't break character. Don't break it. Like, I should be working out in my pink jumpsuit. Don't ever break character.

Stay focused. You have absolutely ruined jumpsuits for me. If I ever have a jumpsuit on, and I'm sorry, you don't own jumpsuits. I was wearing them just as much as you were wearing them. And everyone's just like, oh, is that Joanne's? I'm like, no, actually actually Joanne's one was actually mine by the way and she never gave it back well actually

you told me I could keep it but apart from that so a lot of the Taskmaster outfits you did I have it on record I record everything you say now because you can't trust it I'm like Martha in Baby Ranger I record everything you're an ugly untrustworthy bitch

you've got a shit face and a shit personality and a snaky character I feel so good about myself they're my three favourite things about you

you can't be trusted I love it absolutely not I never know where I stand but so obviously we're talking

about Taskmaster but people have been asking like where I got certain so obviously we're talking about Taskmaster but people have been asking like where I got certain outfits that I'm wearing on the shows and I'm actually going to do I'm actually going to do I'm actually going to do

like a clothes post oh I love clothes posts yeah I'm going to do a clothes post but a lot of the time it's really embarrassing like where did you get that and I'm like

I think it's always really nice with that because like it's very sustainable and very nice to be sharing oh I've there's always really nice with that because like it's very sustainable and very nice to be sharing there's no shame in swapping and you have nicer clothes than I do so I'm happy to use but I do feel like

a kind of a you know child when I have to say I don't know where I got the winners but thank you so much for the lend also you're very welcome Greta Gerberg would be fucking thrilled with us

did she know Jo? I'll let Greta know okay wait I have a big reveal are you ready? you've just landed in Dubai I've landed in Dubai for one night

here's the big reveal right I'm about to take off the under eye patches do they work? they're not on long enough I look great now look at that I used to get slagged

in school people used to say that my eyes looked like piss holes in the snow what yeah think about your school slags that you got I used to be called the green giant because our uniform was green like your man from the sweet corn but were other girls

in the same uniform yeah actually that didn't really make sense but I was the only giant you see oh got it of course yeah yeah yeah

ouch hi joanna vogue love listening to the story about what that girl did to her sister with harry styles oh god i loved that so much i have five sisters and oh my god the things my sisters did to me i worked with one of my sisters and i'm certainly not a morning person so every morning I would be like the devil giving out to her. I'd be kicking my bag up the road on the way to work but one morning as we walked past a bus stop full of people she turned around and slapped me full on in the face. I was totally mortified. Another time. That's just the end of that. There's no like explanation for it or anything she's just like she assaulted me in the street one of my earliest memories is um yes amber was having a birthday party back at our house in port marnock when we were very young so i must have been

like six or something i remember being violently jealous that she was having a birthday party because i wanted it to be mine. And I picked up a plank of wood and smacked her across the head with it. What? Yeah, and I remember it so vividly because my mom came and in front of all her friends pulled down my pants and slapped me on the heart.

And I was so embarrassed. Oh my god, Sandra, is that like legal? Who cares? I slapped her across the face of the plank of wood it was well deserved okay hang on another time sorry where was it was it why was her planks of wood lying around so many questions it was in my back garden like we weren't the tidiest my mom was a working mom right she didn't have time to pick up the wood lying around got it say no more another time we were screaming at each other. She was standing up.

I was sitting on a chair and she gave my boob a huge kick like it was a football and she screamed, oh my God, I hope you get cancer. What? Savage.

Oh my God. I always had this Kind of like notion That having a sister Would be This really romantic Life Where we'd kind of Plait each other's hair

And No Always have each other's back Like the Kardashians It's not like that Me and Avri Used to grab each other's legs Right

One of us obviously You'd grab two legs And then we would Stamp each other on the vagina like stamp it was terrible the things that we did

to each other no wonder you never had a stitch during pregnancy you're fucking your vagina's like this is the least of my worries to be honest

this is comfortable actually yeah I've had another woman's foot inside me for six to seven years. I can handle a baby coming out. Pop!

We used to rub our bare arses on each other's pillows. Yeah, I think the other one's way worse, no? She used to kick you in the vagina. I think that's way worse. I'm sorry. Of this whole pod, I think. Sandra pulling your pants down and slapping you in the heart.

That's the bit that I'd be checking your legal team with. It's just so funny. I still love a sister, though. Even all the abuse and the violence so funny I still love a sister though even all the abuse and the violence I'd still love a sister

I have a brother he's fab but I'd love a sister as well this continued until I moved out and got married

I have to say we're the best of friends I'd be lost without my sisters loved your show it was the first

night in Dublin and we had a ball that is very funny Bo maybe I could kick the shit out of you when you get home just to feel like

you know I'd absolutely love that some sort of sisterly experience I'll get the vagina ready well I still have the keys I still have the keys

so enjoy your pillow I'm like we're so close look at this it's like an imprint of my buttocks two gas girls

oh that is so funny before we go we've two shows we're doing our Ghosted Live in New York and we're doing it in Boston.

Yes. We're going for a week, Joanne. We need a week out of that. Ah, yeah. Bye.