My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "She styled it out!"

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

There are a couple of corking emails this week, as well as an orgasm at a classical music concert... What more could you ask for?!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Okay, Joanne, I came across a story that felt very us. Yeah? Okay, Joanne, I came across a story that felt very us. Yeah. A woman experienced a full body orgasm while watching a classical musical concert. Oh, yes. So this woman had an orgasm, obviously, while watching a classical music concert. Yeah. Which is great because it's very sexual.

But some people actually live with a thing called spontaneous orgasms. 1% of people, they can have 180 orgasms a day. I love the people who go to a classical music concert just assume that if a woman's orgasming, that she's got a condition and not that her husband's fingering her under the programme. Like, come on, like, come on. They're like, you're more likely that she has a condition

that 1% of the population have, rather than she's getting serviced in the opera. I read that story and I was laughing because she came out all flushed and then her husband

was kind of smiling like embarrassed. Because you know the way when it kind of it begins to like when an orgasm starts I've had a couple of like ones that were just

popped up. From where? Like where? Just sometimes and about. Sometimes but sometimes I ignore when an orgasm starts I've had a couple of like ones that were just popped popped up from where like where just sometimes in a boat sometimes but sometimes I ignore my bodies for so long

that it just starts orgasming itself it's like hello you've got a clit are you gonna fucking do anything with it so I'd say your woman's there

and it starts coming on and she's like okay this is happening so it's like if she has the condition she's like it's happening in the seat or the aisles and and it starts coming on and she's like, okay, this is happening. So if she has the condition, she's like, it's happening in the seat or the aisles.

And if it starts happening in the aisles, she's going to look like she's speaking in tongues in the middle of an opera. I know, but can you imagine like, imagine you're at like a funeral or something

and you just, that happened to you and there was nothing that you could do about it. That would be... I know. And people were saying she was like,

some people were like, well, hold on. It could have been a big yawn. She could have been waking from a nap. And I was like, no one screams fuck me daddy when they're waking from a nap. I think 180 a day is a lot.

I wouldn't want to do anything 180 times a day. Not a... Well, you do blink 180 times a day at least. You breathe probably 180 times a day. No pleasure in that. I like a blink

I saw an interview I saw it at one of those documentaries before and she this woman was like like that she comes all the time and she's like

none of them are enjoyable and I was like well then you're not coming you're obviously having a seizure it's like come on maybe you're faking it you're just fed up of it by that stage

like you don't want to like even when it's too much pleasure too much pleasure even when you're having sex it's like one and done finished yeah it's too much pleasure 180 orgasms a day is how do you work you'd have to work from home yeah how do you go shopping how do you bring your kids to school like at the nursery gates that's a bit much you can't trouble for that

i'd have to get my white my i'd get your jaw wired shut or something so they just see your eyes kind of spinning back into your head but you can't start moaning or use a pair of crutches so just pretend that you're in pain

there's something so specific about the moan of pleasure from a woman though you really can't Jo stop pretending you've heard it Jo's like nodding away there

you're like in 40 year old versions remember when he's like oh yeah tit like a bag of sand when he's like oh yeah tish like a bag of sand because he's never felt well before

anyway we wish that woman well we wish all the 1% well I actually never knew that we wish them all well

spread the love you'd wish they could just hand them around but they can't but I am I'm sorry for your condition yeah you wouldn't want that sorry I'm just looking at

other stuff that we could possibly do em oh I was I was going for a run in Battersea Park the other day and at our Palladium shows

there was loads of men we've got to stop shaming the men listeners we love the men listeners because then in Battersea Park this absolute right of a man ran by me

couldn't believe it took off his earphones. Was like, I'm listening to you and Joanne. Was he gay though? He wasn't gay. I'm telling you he wasn't gay. How do you know he wasn't gay? He wasn't gay. There's no way of knowing unless he was literally. No, I don't think he was gay. That's why I was so like, because he was quite good looking. So I'd caught his eye anyway because I was looking, I was glaring at him. No, I hadn't personally caught his eye. That's not what happened. Jo, Jo, do you know what?

How about you back off and get out of this room? Did you just say he's not gay because he's good looking? What are you saying? No, I'm not saying that. It just added to me, like he was just such a riot

so I had glanced at him and then he was like, oh, I'm listening to your pod and he just, maybe he was gay. Your gaydar, your gaydar was suggesting, your gaydar was telling you he wasn't gay gaydar your gaydar was your gaydar was

telling you he wasn't gay I haven't got a great gaydar to be honest with you I didn't know Amber was a lesbian and I live with her actually yeah fair enough not great

do you know what hello our lovely male listeners yes hello we love you and we see you all seven of you no we don't really but I think there's something extra

satisfying when you get straight men who listen to the pod because it's really not for them. So they shouldn't be there. But they're welcome. Yeah, don't cut that bit out.

You're welcome. You're welcome to be here. Now, you shouldn't really be here. You aren't invited. Back off. But it's fine. You can stay. Can't get rid of you now.

So I was reading a new book. It's from a girl called Lucy Score. And I'm on the second one. It's called, it's like a trilogy. I'm waiting for the next one to be delivered. And it's called

The Things We Hide From The Light. And I'm loving it. It's very easy to read. If anyone's looking for a book record, very easy to read. Do you fancy the chief of police? I always fancy the police and the guardi. There's something about them.

What's the book called? Say that to me again. The book is called Things We Hide From The Light but there's one before it that you have to read. And it's a nice little read

but like I do have a little thing for a man in uniform like a cardi. I just finished reading Jeanette McCurdy I'm Glad My Mum Died. Oh no.

It's brilliant. Was her mum not a nice person? Well no. Her mum was but she was stuck not a nice person? Well, no. Her mom was, but she was stuck in this very toxic relationship with her mother.

She was a child star. Do I want to buy this now? I'm about to buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I don't know where my copy is. She was a child star and her mom was basically

like really abusive. I shouldn't laugh, but she didn't realize it until she was an adult, if you get me because just the way she treated her and she kind of

got her into eating disorders and all that shit but it's really really good she got her into why because she was just trying to have her as a child star

yeah and she was like you know you'll get roles for longer if you look like a child and the way to look like a child is to keep your

figure really small and the way to do that is to stop eating and all that kind of stuff I wonder if the mum knew she was doing weird crap like that it was but it's a really good book

like it's brilliant I couldn't put it down that's what I love a book like that sometimes you kind of power through because you feel bad if you don't finish a book

and you feel like you're challenging yourself and if you don't finish it you're a bit thick and then other books you just I've only given up on one book since my new reading journey started

and I just I keep thinking I'm going to bring myself back to it I actually started a new book Coco and Frankenstein or Frankenstein and Coco because I really liked the cover of it

and it actually sounded good and I nearly gave it up and now it's starting to really kick into it but it's over halfway through so sometimes you just but I found that with the Crawdads

have you ever read where the Crawdads sing? Honestly I was like this is the crappiest book I've ever read and then about 60 pages into it I couldn't stop from there so sometimes you do have to push through

You do have to push through but I I because Annie Mack is using a quote from me on her book Yeah and

Oh I saw I saw what a lovely quote you gave her All the other people on the book it's like triumphant important work and mine's like so so so good was sad when it ended sad boo it's over

some of the people quotes people give for books the pressure must be on to give these really lofty I like a quote like that though boo it's over that's more you you have to stick to yourself you can't just try and like

this is the thing you don't have to be like the smartest person in the room to be reading books and have an opinion on a book I know like Lena Dunham and I'm a big fan of Lena

but on the front of Jeanette McCurdy's book the one I was just talking about Lena gave her a quote that says, an important cultural document. And then I'm like, loved it! Loved!

I'm ashamed to say I actually watched the whole thing in two days. Sex Life, have you watched it? No, I think I watched the first. Is this the second series? It's the second series. I think I did watch the whole thing in two days Sex Life have you watched it? No I think I watched the first is this the second series? It's the second series I think I did watch

the first does your woman kind of look a bit like Nicole Scherzinger? Yes Yeah yeah yeah I did watch it She's a babe

she makes me want to be shorter I hate being so tall No you should love it No I just found out today that I didn't That's how you got into town in ten minutes today

I'm writing you a ten past ten you were in Battersea and then twenty passed you're like I'm in the studio 10 past 10. You were in Battersea. And then 20 passed. You're like, I'm in the studio. It just took me four steps. It's like all of her travels. She's just stepping over the little people of Lilliput and she's straight in.

I found out today that I didn't get a TV job. This is like four or five years ago. One that I really wanted. And I found out I didn't get it today because the other presenter was so much smaller and that presenter was locked in and they were like we can't have giant face over beside him because she's too tall

but anyway sex life it's a great program Jo you might not like it if anyone has seen it the new series is really good it's only six episodes so I'm furious one of the what show sorry go on that's it Joanne would you like to hear some emails always dear Voguey

and Joanne that is how we say each other's name yeah fair I came to the Palladium on Saturday night

and had the time of my life fab I had the time of my life on Saturday night

yeah we enjoyed it I loved the Palladium I loved every second so thank you but going against

tradition a bit I was not completely battered. I was there with a group and we all kept it civilised. I mean sure we all ordered a pint of wine but it never got out of hand.

After the show we went out to a bar with chilled cool vibes. Defo too cool for me. But the rest of the night will sound like I made it up. A guy at the end of the bar was giving me sexy

eye contact vibes he was tall had surfer-ish blonde hair and he had a crisp white shirt on I do like a white shirt in a man it's very yachty

wouldn't be for me now it would be for me because it's like I feel like I just want to it's a bit Pim's for me go bang city boys yeah

oh yeah they're in their lambos their Lamborghinis literally like bad boys that are like fuck you at the end I'm ready for it anyway

one two skip a few I ditched the fuck out of my mates and I went back to his house which was insane this is like my dream

yes we had sex in his kitchen love it did he have an island I love them now unfortunately did he have a good island This is like my Dream? Yes We had sex in his kitchen Love it Did he have an island? I love them now I'm forcing Did he have a good island? Did he have a good marble top?

He must have had And an aga An aga We're not at that level yet We're not going to meet anyone with an aga Aga is country Aga is your country home Yeah

You can't have one here What are they called? A gaganu or something Imagine me with an aga What the fuck would I do with an aga? I don't even use the marble Tell you what You? A gaganoo or something. That's what you look for. Imagine me with an aga. What the fuck would I do with an aga? I don't even use the microwave. Tell you what, you'd heat your house with the aga.

That's what you do. We had sex in his kitchen and I left the next morning with not a breath of a hangover. That's nearly the best part for me. Now, sure. I'm starting to think the Palladium were watering down drinks.

That's what I'm taking from the story. It is unusual. I'm not sure I believe it. I wasn't as pissed as I'd like either to be honest this is all very suspicious we were when I left you

after the palladium you were definitely on your way was I? yeah you were on your way thank you he hasn't called I went home

and facetimed my friend because I was definitely on my way and I wasn't quite ready to go to bed he hasn't called me since and I'm definitely in the process

of crashing hard into ghosted devastation but what a night he'll call right no he won't ah god now I have to say I don't think he'll call

but you have to have that like go find another man with a sexy white shirt and an island that's a classic one night stand like you banged in the kitchen

it sounds amazing that's the vintage that's the OG one night stand experience yeah I think it sounds great yeah ghosting is part of it it's like

but it's not ghosting you both walk away with your head held high and your knickers in your handbag and everyone feels good about what happened yeah that is not ghosting that's just a one night stand

I've tried to turn one night stands into flings and it's just it was just never the same excuse me I turned a one night stand into a marriage

thank you very much and you've said to me it was never the same yeah I'm going to get Spenny to go to a to go to a bar one night

in a crisp white shirt bang on my kitchen island when I get home that sounds great you should be happy with that yeah nice bit of role play yeah

you know I'll do that sometimes do you well yeah but it's like I'll be like it's me Raquel from the party and he'll be like he's confused hequel from the party and he'll be like

he's confused he's like what's happening I was like Raquel will you go to the shop and get smokes for the party so it's that kind of stuff I'm going to start that

with Sven hey it's me you're a housekeeper Catherine can you just can you just go and take those bins out for me?

Girls, I loved you talking about women with beards, tashes and rope hairs. The struggle. Look how disgusting we sound. Yeah, it didn't sound like that to me when I talked about it now to be honest it felt kind of demure and it was like a beauty episode about grooming was how I took it

sorry before this email starts one of the most humiliating moments of my life was the day of our last Palladium I was out for lunch with Alan it was like kind of like the start of the birthday lunch

because my birthday was on a Sunday and we were out on Saturday. Yeah. I was sitting there, I was dolled up to the nines in your right foot. You looked amazing. Thank you.

And felt great and just like leaning into this like big chapter in my life and everything and I had a glass of champagne and I was talking to Alan and he was giving me my presents and he leaned over,

I swear to God, on my me my presents and he leaned over I swear to God on my father's grave he leaned over and put his hand towards me and I thought he was going to like kind of feel my cheek

and he ripped a hair out of my chin oh my God no now

I to this day and I went, No. And the restaurant wasn't that busy. Like, the waiter saw what happened. And I was like, there was nothing there. I think there was.

Leaned over and ripped her hair out of my face. No, that's really embarrassing. If any of us said anything like about a mole hair or something of mine, I'd die. I'd hate that. I was like, well, well, well. Happy birthday to me. Do you want to change?

Do you want to bring me in and change my nappy as well? If you have a goatee, he's not to touch it. Like, you can grow a goatee. Don't say a word about it, Alan. Imagine,

excuse me, I left that there on purpose. It's going to take me at least two days to grow that back. It's going to take me 20 minutes to grow that back. But yeah, that happened. Struggle is so real.

We know it is, Joanne. My three-year-old was sat on his nana's lap at Christmas and got fixated with a hair coming out of her neck. Oh no, they're going to start coming out of our necks. My mother, to her credit, is well turned out in grooms meticulously but you know yourself you can't get them all you can't get them all

that's going to be the name of my next show you can't get them all do you know those do you know when you go to a hotel they probably have it in the one you're staying in and they have those

like magnifying mirrors and you look in it and you're like what who uses them who uses a magnifying mirror they are a surefire way

to upset your entire day. Like how many rooms are they renting to aunts? I don't understand. Who is looking at that thing? Who needs a mirror that size? It's like, oh my God, why is this my face? You're like, who is that? They're gross.

I could see him looking at the hair and I was praying he wouldn't touch it. But of course he did. Yanked it out and you could pretty much hear the cartoon noise it made like it pinged she styled it out like he'd scratched her or something and he ran off with the hair

whooshing it around like he was flying a kite you're raising awareness and that's Michael work Wooching it around like he was flying a kite. You're raising awareness and that's frightful work. That is so funny. Oh, no. She styled it out. That's the angle from now on Style it out

You're like Of course I've got fucking Of course I've got a neck hair I'm a human being I used to be covered in hairs That is so funny We were dogs first Weren't we?

Chickens or something Monkeys I think we were first We were chickens I'm pretty sure we were chickens No we were monkeys No do you know We actually were first

And this is Assholes No we were fish No we weren't first. We were chickens. I'm pretty sure we were chickens. No, we were monkeys. No, do you know what we actually were first? And this is true. Atoms. No, we were fish. No, we weren't. We were fish. We were not fish. We were.

We crawled out of the sea. We were some sort of water animal. Well, I'll tell you something. I don't like fish. I don't like the thought of being a fish. I never knew I was a fish. Yeah, there you go. Do you remember the Guinness advert?

There's a Guinness advert. I never knew it was about that. No, I have to google that right text me that will you so I remember you crawled out of the water Vogue

that's why you love a bat that's why well I do love a bat you love a bat that's it Joanne thanks for listening to the bonus episode and

I didn't really listen I'm thinking about my shopping anyway thanks for not listening to the pod Jamal I hope everyone else did

we will see and hear from you next week Bye.