My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Then I heard a yelp..."

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

All of the emails you send into [e-mail] are fantastic, but this week it's an absolute vintage submission. Plus, a questionable game of 'Smash or Pass.'If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes To Me with me, Vogue Williams. And myself, Joanne McNally. Happy Wednesday to you, Vogue. And I love that you're saying that because it is Thursday but the bonus comes out on a Wednesday so I see what you're doing. Well, Vogue, that's why I said it. Would you believe I was thinking of,

I was thinking ahead of time as to when the bonus comes out. I wasn't wishing you a happy Wednesday because I've already seen you six times today. We've seen each other a lot over the last two days. We certainly, certainly have days we certainly certainly have we certainly bloody have

too much and I I invited her for dinner tonight and it was a well it wasn't a mistake I thought that we were going to have like

I forgot I was going to yours for dinner tonight I'm thrilled I was only I can't go tonight Geroad's here I have invited you Una and Emily and you I can't go tonight Geroad's here I have invited you Una

and Emily and you I have set the goddamn table Geroad's gonna you're gonna have to set the set for you're gonna have to say what do you do

you're gonna have to set a place for Geroad because he's here oh okay well that's completely fine once you don't cancel oh great fine no no no

I'll bring him with me Jesus Christ yeah he'll be delighted he loves the day out okay that's good oh we'll have a fantastic time and even better

Spenny won't be here so it'll just be us girls just us girlies just the girly worries yeah even better surely he eats now his fucking

poached chicken breast and almonds he does eat a lot of almonds now he doesn't he does that fasting thing I thought I fasted this morning because I didn't eat my breakfast till 10

which was very late for me that's a hard 20 minute fast are you okay fasting thing. I thought I fasted this morning because I didn't eat my breakfast till 10, which was very late for me. That's a hard 20 minute fast. Are you okay? Excuse me, I hadn't eaten since 8 o'clock the night before. I assume that's fasting. 8 o'clock till 10 o'clock, that's 14 hours. Well it is because that's why I call it breakfast, break fast.

You are breaking your fast. That's why it's called breakfast. Precisely. Joanne was over at my house last night and who loved you so much? Otto. But he came over and kept saying mummy to me so I don't know what

is going on down there that he thinks that I'm you but... I was like does he know that that's not me? Mama, mama, mama. It kind of felt like that's all he can say

so he's just throwing it out at whoever is hanging around come here do you know who I'm going to see on Monday in the Hammersmith Apollo who?

guess have a guess three guesses um Rebel Wilson yeah oh is that right? yeah how did she guess that?

I heard she was coming over at some point. I'm going in to get the tea. I'm going straight to the source. That woman is flat out throwing the cat amongst the pigeons, whatever the saying is. I, okay. Pigeons are flying. The pigeons are flying.

She's like that man beside Chelsea Bridge with pigeons all over her. Just pigeon lady. That's exactly what she's like. Or you're one with pigeons all over her just pigeon lady that's exactly what she's like yeah or you're one in that movie what's it called the really old movie

well note note that the Mary Poppins it's not really because they're feeding the pigeons and bringing the pigeons towards them when Rebel is indeed

sending pigeons away in hysteria by throwing a cat amongst them come on Vogue keep up who are you who yeah but you know what I have to be honest with you I'd have little to no interest in hysteria by throwing a cat amongst them. Come on, Vogue. Keep up. Who are you? Yeah, but you know what?

I have to be honest with you. I'd have little to no interest in going to hear what Rebel Wilson has to say. I have to be honest with you, right? And I'm not trying to be bad. I don't... I find it unbecoming. I have been told, and you know certain things that you've been told

and I don't know I don't think everything is exactly how it seems well I'm firstly I would like to say that is exactly what I will

shout out during the Q&A's when it gets to that point she's like any questions and I'll raise my little hand frantically and say Vogue Williams thinks you're unbecoming

and as they drag me out by my feet I guess do you know what my thing is I guess because when we had spoken about ever doing like an autobiography kind of thing which we would never want to do I would really struggle to right a wrong by like telling the world about somebody and like I just don't like the onslaught that happens to somebody then when you put something out there for a reason to get that,

well, because you're selling a book, but also because you want to get your own back on that person. It's not the kind of revenge I personally go for. And that's why I think it's unbecoming. We have discussed this at length before because we do talk about the ethics of a memoir or an autobiography and there's different types of ones but some of them do kind of basically like you know they take people down very publicly sometimes they just use their real names you know they don't even dress it up but this is the

I don't even dress it up. But this is the hypocrisy of it. I agree with you. I think we've read enough to know now maybe that's not where we want to go with things. But I do love to read them. And I do love when you tell me about them. Herein lies the problem. Sorry, it's a little silent going off there.

Ni no, ni no. Spenny was out for dinner the other night and he, Isla Fisher, came into the restaurant and they said she definitely didn't look like somebody who was upset. She was having a very nice time with her friends, laughing away and having a very enjoyable evening,

which is nice to know. She doesn't look like the woman who's in the swings of a mental health crisis because of a divorce is what you're saying. She's more like a woman who has a new lease of life. Yeah, well, that's what I was told she looked like.

But you know when you, well, you don't know because you haven't been divorced, but it's the same as when you break up with somebody, you kind of feel like, it's like you've come up from the water and you're just taking a big breath

and you're like, yeah. Yeah, sometimes you're devastated and sometimes it does feel like there has been a release. Yeah. Absolutely. But also I did think that she, like talk about, you're devastated and sometimes it does feel like there has been a release yeah absolutely but also I did think that she like talk about

like the opposite of stand by your man I was like the story the story broke and like literally four minutes later

Isla Fisher was like by the way we got divorced last year I want no part of this I have nothing to do with that man yeah we have been divorced for ages. This is

not on me. We don't play tennis anymore. Whatever analogy she used. Oh, we used to play tennis. I don't play tennis anymore. He's not my tennis partner. Ta-da. Okay, enough of that. Let's all move on. They're banging me off that. That's exactly what I would do. No, no, no. It wasn't me. Yeah. Taps, no comebacks. Jinx. Not me.

I'm out. Talk about throwing him under the bus. My God. I know. And he hasn't said it. I just read that he had come out and made his first social post or something. But he's not saying much

because it is actually a court case. There's legal proceedings going on regarding it. His team did make some statement along the way, basically saying it was all complete bullshit and he has proof and she's saying she has proof. I love when papers, you know the way they'll say, Vogue Williams breaks her silence. Maybe there was some big situation happening

and you're like, she broke her silence, she just left the house. Or do you know what I mean? She just did a tweet saying, hiya. They're like she broke her silence she just left the house or do you know what I mean she just did a tweet saying hiya they're like breaks her silence kind of suggesting

you've said something about this the issue at hand but like you haven't like Matt Healy they're saying has broken his silence since Taylor's

Poet Department album has come out I think he was just walking down the street I don't know what he said I must look at that actually I have to tell you speaking speaking of headlines, right? There's a headline.

Spenny did this podcast. It's part of, it's called Everything I Know About Me. And he went and did this like five hour podcast. And like headlines keep being released like when the new one comes out. And I'm just like, I have been absolutely flung under the bus. Listen to this headline, first of all. Spencer Matthews reveals how his boozy relationship with wife,

Vogue Williams, spun out of control and he lost everything on a mental bender after winning the drunk. It sounds like he lost everything in life. He had lost his phone and his wallet. Are you joking me? No, but that was the headline. And then it says about me Oh my God, that's like a Wednesday afternoon.

What? I know. We had a highly social, quite boozy relationship and he threw me under the bus by saying, Spencer explained that while Vogue would binge drink

every few days and drink to get drunk. I was like, pardon? He's like, you were? I was like, I have never binged drank every few days. That makes me sound like a complete alcoholic. I've never known you to be like that. And I think it's your biggest flaw, to be honest.

Now everyone thinks I'm an absolute alcoholic. Well, I can safely say, sadly, for me, that is not the truth at all. You're not a drinker at all. God, isn't he great now going out there causing all that slander? In fairness, he does owe me, particularly after the cold sore thing that we caused. Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We said we'd overdosed on

anti-flu tablets or something. On cold sore medication and it went everywhere and we were just kind of like, oh, sorry about that there. The Daily Mail owes you hardcore cash, to be honest. And they also, in fairness to them, they also deserve

some sort of literary award for creativity because, my creativity because they really make the most of a situation, don't they? They have fantastic headlines. You cannot take it away from them. You cannot take it away from them. They are creative geniuses. Geroad, like I've said to you, as gays go, he is a shit gay. And the way, the reason I say that is because he's not into any of the kind of, I call it, I don't know, because I'm obviously not a member of the gay community. However, what I think of as a modern cool gay is probably no longer cool. What I'm trying to say in a very roundabout way is Geroad has not watched Mean Girls. He watches old school musicals. be no longer cool what I'm trying to say in a very roundabout way is Garote has not watched Mean Girls okay he watches like

old school like musicals that's the kind of like he's a Judy Garland gay he's not a Tina Fey gay he's a queen gay like he's just really old school like he'd be into

Liza Minnelli and all like he's a he's a high a very high brow person in general yes he likes I mean his cat pisses on a toilet

he's high brow his cat uses an actual toilet emo yeah yeah yeah. They taught her to use the toilet. Yeah. She like flush. I don't know.

Hold on. She can't be flushing now. She's only a little pause but she definitely she squats over it and does her business and then moves on with her day. I mean

is it impressive or completely disturbing? Nobody knows. Anyway Geroad's having a slumber party here tonight in my flat. Yeah. And we're going to watch Mean Girls

that was where I was going with all that he's never seen Mean Girls so tonight he's having an education but we'll go to yours first for dinner yeah I was

yeah because actually do you know what that suits me perfectly because I know that you guys are going to be on the wine I'm not on the wine so like I like to go to bed about nine half line

so I'll probably once you can start moving you can get everyone moving and I don't want to go down that road with half line. So I'll probably, once you can start moving, you can get everyone moving. And I don't want to go down that road with you. I'm not doing it. No, no, no, no, no. Sure, I train now.

I've just finished a session there at my trainer in the common. Yeah. And I was so far down on the ground, I saw worms and everything. That's how much I'm putting into this. I clapped for my plank. You deserve that summer bod. Eye to eye with the worm and the grass. It's great. I'veapped for my plank. You deserve that summer bod. Eye to eye with the worm

and the grass. It was great. I felt more alive. I did some work for you because I thought I would bring something nice for Joanne who is such a fan

of the TikTok fab yeah go on okay so you don't have to feel bad about how much time you spend on TikTok

because the average person spends 95 minutes on TikTok a day 95 it's an hour and 25 minutes that's very low hold on

what are you this is like they've gone into nursing homes and asked people who have no phones and put them in the survey as well because that's that's ridiculous that's not true i love this because i actually i haven't really gotten on the trend too much because i can't quite figure it out but supposedly people open the app 19 times a day and 34 percent of

conversations are started from things that people have seen on TikTok. It's where they get their news and everything. See, that I would believe, because it does serve up really interesting stuff at times. I have kind of lost interest in it a little bit, but I will, you've actually reminded me it's there, I'll crack on in today and see what it has to offer. Also, I told you I'm going to start doing my own TikTok stuff. Yeah, I mean, no offence, but like we've heard heard this before like you did like two TikToks and then it stopped I think you're more of a voyeur I don't know you're more of a voyeur I am I'm a creep

everybody loves to creep but I had to do I had to do a TikTok trend you know those things that people like like there's loads of trends that happen on TikTok. You've got like... I know, sorry. This is my friend. My friend asked me if I had towels in the flat. I know what a TikTok trend is. Okay, well, what's the shrimp trend?

Do you know the shrimp trend? Yes. Are you able to do it? Is it something you do? I don't know. Do you spoon your spine out? Wrap your body up like a shrimp? you go down on your knees,

you put one knee, you put one leg up behind and you have to try and get up on just one leg. And Spenny and I had to do that. We were on Lorraine the other day and we had to try and do that trend

and I couldn't do it. And I, like, I have never been so furious about something and like I was on TV trying to be like, ha ha ha ha ha ha,

raging. But that's one of the trends that they have they have so Spenny and I tried to do that. You and Spencer on the Lorraine show doing the shrimp trend is the most daytime TV thing I've ever heard in my life. We loved it. We absolutely loved it. I love daytime TV. It's so crazy. Do you know, there was, I looked into other trends that you probably know then because I'm so far behind. Do you know the sleepy chicken trend?

I mean, I'm surprised now you wouldn't have tried this one. I think I'm just on a more high-end pocket of TikTok. So this was a recipe on TikTok

where people said that if you added NyQuil, which is a sleepy, which is a sleep thing, like NyQuil, what's the equivalent over here? I know exactly what that is. If you add this to your chicken breast and cook it, that it will send you off into a really nice sleep and your chicken will taste delicious. Yeah, that was a trend. That's just drugging your chicken. Like, I mean, that's know what I mean you can call anything a trend man

they do it anyway have you heard you can cook potatoes and eat them it's a trend that's ridiculous that's just basic shit you know you're one you're one who did the feta cheese

do you remember the feta cheese pasta where people put a block of feta cheese and then they put all these tomatoes around it shove it in the oven and they made this pasta sauce she has like made a full career out of the fact that she just put out this feta cheese recipe with tomatoes

and a bit of feta cheese. Full on career. There's one thing I want to ask you about. This is the last thing, right? It's called smash or pass. This was a trend. And it's about fictional characters. And you have to decide if you would

smash them or pass on them. Smash them in the face or smash them sexually? Sexually smash. Mufasa. Okay, let's go. Let's do it. I'm in the mood. Mufasa. Okay, let's go. Let's do it. I'm in the mood.

Mufasa. Oh, sorry. I thought you were like, I thought you were like, Mufasa. I thought you were telling me to move faster. Mufasa.

Mufasa the lion. Is he the one with the scar? No, that would be Scar. Oh. Because I thought he was a bit of alright now I like to thought he was quite alpha there with the scar

Mufasa which one is he he's the dad I'll google him Mufasa's like the dad he's Simba's dad bit effeminate for me now

wouldn't be into that I'm not into long hair he was he was the leader of the pack no I don't like that long hair sorry

Homer Simpson no oh no you'd smash Homer he's you'd have a bit of crack with him Buzz Lightyear no but who am I

one of my options smash or pass oh no but do I not have to oh sorry do you not oh sorry it's not like

shag marry kill you just decide individually on each one got it sorry Oh sorry It's not like Shag, marry, kill You just decide Individually on each one Got it Sorry I see what you're Putting down Buzz Lightyear

I mean Bearing in mind Obviously We're imagining He is a toy With genitals Because he looks Like a eunuch in that photo.

I would smash Buzz. I like a man with ambition. I like a man in a suit. Astronauts are sexy. Very of the time. Yeah, I'd smash Buzz. Okay. Ah, come on.

Beast from Beauty and the Beast. I'd defo smash him. 100%. Yeah. I don't know what the legalities are but I would thank you well done on the 100%

yeah 100% okay last well this sounds a bit weird Peter Pan I just think that's I don't think that's appropriate to answer that well I've just said

I'd ride a bear or whatever beast is I don't know at least Peter Pan's a is he a boy what is he he's timeless isn't the whole thing

that he wants to be a child forever? That sounds healthy. I'd be into that now yeah. I'd be into that. We can get our face lifts at the same time me and Peter.

Yeah I'd smash him. I like his little green suit and all. Yeah yeah yeah. And the hat. Yeah yeah okay. the hat Yeah yeah Okay cool You're just going to keep going with it

I won't be kink shamed Oh no The little feather it is Like I think Svenny used to wear feather earrings He used to have his ear pierced And he had a little feather dangling That was one of his like things

Imagine Jesus What a lost boy He's a lost boy God love him what a lost boy he's a lost boy girls please god keep me anonymous so this is going to be good oh fab

yeah that's what we love to hear as we give out our full name and address I've been with my boyfriend for six years started heavily hinting for the proposal roughly around a year and a half ago. So that's going really well. Anyway, we were out for a big family

meal with aunties and uncles, grandparents, the lot, and it was all great. We'd hurried out the door and had nearly had sex while we were getting ready. But because we were running late, the riding would have to wait. Oh no's not gonna be great uh so it's safe to say that we had been quite touchy-feely at the restaurant and we were looking forward to getting home that's really good after six years it is actually yeah yeah yeah um i'm just thinking about an excuse that i'd be trying to make sorry my pajamas are already on i'm sorry it's cold she hasn't got she hasn't got the ring yet so she's probably doing a little bit of strategic roping there you know keeping things my

my last night was i'm too cold we'd have to be under the covers fully so let's just not um it didn't work i had to do it so don't don't even try you said an excuse girls it doesn't work so it's safe to say that we've been quite touchy-feely at the restaurant and we were looking forward to getting home and getting it on there was a lot of stroking and squeezing going on under the table but it was all harmless in the build-up for later all this while we chatted away to his family and made the best of the occasion his dad's 60th birthday oh yeah as i chatted to one of his cousins across the table from me my boyfriend went to the loo's or the bar or something.

When he returned, without breaking from the conversation, I instinctively placed my hand back on his area. No. And gave it a good stroke. A harmless, sexy little move for a consensual couple.

Then I heard a yelp and he got up and scurried away. What the fuck was that? I looked over to see where he was off to and I didn't see my boyfriend scurrying away. I saw his dad.

I had just groped the thigh, cock and balls of my boyfriend's dad. Oh no. No! No! It's the balls No No It's the balls that are the worst bits That she was really getting into

No No Oh my god move to Poland now Bulgaria go Go Change identity Just go somewhere anywhere that will take you

you sick bitch as we left the restaurant a bit later I muttered a lame half apology to him but he pretended he didn't hear it it's never been mentioned again

my boyfriend doesn't even know that I basically cheated on him with his dad love the pod so much oh there's no

I think it's better I think it's really good of the dad now not to mention that again I mean it does like there's I mean obviously

as with all the males I have to start by saying there's really no going back from this but the father where does the small talk go now

when you're around in the house how is there any small talk You'd have to kind of have it out But the three of you Would that be an option No no you can't You can never mention it again I think

I think it's a similar thing Like what happened with Alexander We can never mention that again And I think that It's the same thing You can Yeah I didn't touch Alzo's balls

I'm talking about when Alzo walked in on Spenny and I I didn't touch his balls When you say we didn't discuss it again, we put it in our live show. But apart from that, we tell no one. Very discreet. I had to get something out of it. A hundred percent.

And when you get a laugh out of it then, it's all fine then. Anyway, my sincerest condolences go out to this poor young woman. Don't mention it ever again. And supposedly boys aren't as like as close to their parents as girls are.

So you're kind of okay. You'll be spending more time with your own family. So don't worry. But also it sounds you've got a good big hand and a good bit of form there. So that's good.

You managed to kind of encompass everything in one quick massage, which I think is impressive. I just think it's, I don't know why, but it's the balls that really get me.

It's the cock and balls for me. It's the two of those things, two in a sand. I'm surprised she didn't describe the urethra and the shaft. She really went into the biology of where she went, which I loved.

Before we go, we're on the plug with our two we've got two American shows coming up one in New York and one in Boston and the tickets are all on sale at mycarapacegoesome.com

that's it from us we will chat to you on Friday see you later.