My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Vomit emoji, vomit emoji, vomit emoji..."

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

On the board for extra discussions this week... An unusual discovery in an airport toilet, (not) dancing boyfriends and Joanne's earlobes... If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Boag Williams and Joanne McNally and a very disheveled looking Jo. I know it's early Jo. Yeah, you could have brushed your hair, Christ. Well, I mean, I'm not in a position to criticise anyone. Yeah, you're right. You know, actually, both of you look desperate.

And I'm going to say that because remember that time? Remember that time I had the Irish dancing hair and you two slagged me for an entire hour and a half? Well, you both looked like shit today. Okay? I'm just back from the beach living my Aussie outdoor life, okay?

On traw. Back from the graw. Or traw, sorry. from the graw or traw sorry traw from the traw on traw is the beach in Irish by the way

sorry so speaking of but I suppose Irishness and pretending you know things about Ireland that you don't are you the language

oh stop so I was in in Australia for Patrick's Day and em people like very sadly Australians like happy St. Patrick's Day blah people like very sadly, Australians are like, happy St. Patrick's Day,

blah, blah, blah. And someone asked the promoters who I'm working with over here. I left Alan alone for literally half an hour, came back and I was like, what are you talking about? Because I just need to make sure

that everything's above board. I was like, what did you say? And he's like, oh, nothing. We were just talking about St. Patrick's Day. They were asking me about the origin of it. And so I told him and I was like, what did you tell them?

He's like, well, I told them about what St. Patrick's Day was. I me about the origin of it and so I told them and I was like what did you tell them he's like well I told them about what St. Patrick's Day was I told them it's a children's fairy tale about a man who never existed I was like St. Patrick

was a real person he was a real man even I know that yeah Alan thought it was like Hansel and Gretel territory and I was like he goes yeah no

I said Alan St. Patrick was a real person he goes yeah do you know what half way through the story I was like I goes yeah I said Alan St. Patrick was a real person he goes yeah do you know at half way through the story I was like I don't know if this is true but I was surrounded

by Australians I just had to I just had to I just had to power through because I was like I can't make a show of myself I had to know what I was talking about

I'm Irish hang on hang on now did St. Patrick get the snakes or the rats out of Ireland the snakes the snakes the snakes or the rats out of Ireland?

The snakes, the snakes. The snakes are code for pagans. He drove the pagans out. But Alan was saying he drove the snakes out with no concept of time. He's probably saying he drove the snakes out in a Volvo. He doesn't have a fucking clue

what he's talking about. He drove the pagans out. Joanne, I did not know that. It's another history lesson from Joanne McNally. Thank you very much for listening in school you kind girl

Patrick I had to google it the other day because I was doing this Australian chat show and they wanted to know about St Patrick and I was like I learned it the other day

not in school of course I did of course I did when I was at the BAFTAs I went by TG Cahir so TG Cahir is like our Irish station over there and they were like

can you say something to us in Irish I couldn't even remember hello when I was put in the spot I was so mortified and then I saw

Paul Mescal had done it after me and he is like fluent in Irish and he was talking all this Irish and I was thinking if they post

what I was trying to say in Irish like I'll die of embarrassment I don't know anything listen it's like anything if I don't know anything it's listen it's like anything

if you don't use it you lose it very true ground yoke though I know that no one remembers the Irish language so they can whip out

a couple of fuckers at the BAFTAs if they're commandeered by TG Carhartt do you know what I mean unless you're going to use it in a day to day way it's very hard to keep it going

thank you Joanne for always sticking up for me and always having my back no worries Vogue always have your back. Now, you told me you have something juicy for the bonus. What is it?

Is it sleep-related? Is it sleep-related? Is it? Seven hours, 51. Last night, seven hours, 51. Oh, Jesus. How was your OREM, Vogue? Go on.

Give us the beats. How were your eyelids? What rate were they pumping at? Let me just I'm joking Hang on Orem was quite low last night One hour thirteen

Not great If you died in your sleep Wouldn't you love that? It'd be a great way to go For you Oh that's the only way to go That you don't even know It's happening

You're bringing up death again I won't be able to get through My day properly now Where's that book like there's people in actual palliative care like lying in a hospital

speaking like this woman has a book on how to come to terms with your imminent death and there's nothing wrong with her so basically do you remember we were talking about the aubergine emoji

and which way it went and what was the base and which was the tip and all that jazz. Yeah. This girl messaged to say that it was just on the basis of us talking about emojis. And she was saying that her, like on misunderstanding what emojis meant. And that she was on Facebook one time and she'd seen her mum had commented under all these, her friends' messages.

Basically, she thought the vomit emoji meant green with jealousy so you'd say things like one of her friends would be like just been for a swim, weather has been great

it's been between 28 and 30 degrees went kayaking yesterday, having a chill day, this is, sorry this is in a text a family text and her mum wrote back,aking yesterday, having a chill day. This is, sorry, this is in a text, a family text. Her mum wrote back, enjoy vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit. But it was,

she sent me a couple of screen grabs. It was the funniest thing. There was some, underneath someone's family photo. Looks great. Wish I was there. Vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit. There's like nine vomits after

Perfect Under the people's wedding photos And everything Can you imagine That's how we all feel Tell us how you really feel Love it I love

I love a misunderstood emoji It's Great crack I meant to say to you did I tell you so we were coming through we landed so when we were flying to Australia

we flew Dublin to Heathrow and then Heathrow to Dubai to go to Australia but in Heathrow Alan went in to use the toilet and we just landed and there was a huge bag of weed

on the floor in the toilet so obviously someone just went fuck this and the just landed and there was a huge bag of weed on the floor in the toilet so obviously someone just went fuck this and the panic kicked in it was like it was like

an A4 bag size no crammed full of weed someone had obviously bottled it at the last minute I mean if you're gonna

take any drug take the smelliest one that exists out there and bring it to Heathrow like come on and I will say like they're gonna sting you they sting you on the way out what you mean on the way out like as in if he got it it's like if I was if I'd managed to fucking bring this bag of weed as far

as Heathrow I'd be like in for a penny in for a pound like you've gotten it you've gotten it through the other side so you're coming back out onto the plane so it was in arrivals do you know it was on the way to the baggage claim

what did he do just left it because otherwise I think he brought it ah no no no he just left it oh my god and I was like

go back in and get that bag of weed I said the mewland's done this is the easy part I'll tell you what all I smell in London is weed

everyone's smoking weed I know I thought the whole of London had nits when I moved there the first time the smell of skunk in the place it's so

dents of weed all the time it's very strong okay we've got some emails hi Joanne and Vogue I just wanted to share something that's caught my eye i saw a picture i saw a picture of joanne sorry what did we go for oh the earlobes she is on shuffle i just wanted to share something that's caught my eye i saw a picture of joanne on

insta looking lovely but your earlobes told a different tale. Joanne, you have what are known as criminal earlobes. If your earlobes are connected right to your head, then they're criminal earlobes. You must always get pulled over at airport security with earlobes like that. Anyway, I just thought it might help explain your past of robbing from charities and credit cards. Sorry, who's deciding to read?

Joe, did you let that email through? Yeah, I did. That's a little bit. I'm getting traded, basically. Show me your earlobes. I want to see them. At my workplace. Joanne, if you post a thirst trap,

you have to take what comes with it. Okay? You criminal. I've just finished my kneecaps and now I have to start worrying about my earlobes no I knew I don't have a lobe they do connect straight through I always knew that I've never noticed that I actually have quite large ears that are hidden by my hair most of the time but like they're not my adopted family all have earlobes so I just I always knew I was different yeah yeah you're ours Joanne

no I'm not look at my ears well thank you Sarah for that insightful knowledge my earlobes go right into my neck there's like no look there's no lobe

see yeah that's quite nice and neat looking Hi Vuj and Joanne firstly love the pod so much and as an Irish person living abroad

it gives me that lovely injection of Irish crack every week that I miss so much thank you so my boyfriend doesn't like to dance

and when I say he doesn't like to dance I mean he will just stand in the middle of a group of five people on a dance floor or a dancey kind of situation thank you so my boyfriend doesn't like to dance and when i say he doesn't like to dance i mean he will just stand in the middle of a group of five people on a dance floor or a dancey kind of situation and will just stand there he sometimes dances when it's on his own terms like with all of his friends at a setting that suits him like a festival or a gig but weddings or a cocktail bar won't dance he loses interest and makes it weird by acting like a statue last week i was skiing with two family members and two friends and him.

We went to this tiny little old cool nightclub that's been there since the 70s and is my favorite in the world. Do you think he danced? No. And when I asked him to get involved, he said, this isn't my thing. But it is my thing. It just really annoys me. And being a party lover that I am, it kind of puts a wet blanket on the mood. It's the kind of thing if we ever broke up, everyone would be like, oh my God, he was so boring on the dance floor.

Please advise me on what to do. Yeah, I don't, I'm with him. I don't like dancing. I'd rather be a statue. The last thing I want to see someone I'm sleeping with do is dance. Like literally. No. I couldn't think of words.

You should be so grateful that he's not dancing. Yeah, this man is trying to elongate your relationship and have a... Have you ever seen Spencer dancing? No, thank God. He's got these weird like lizard hips. It's kind of frightening

actually when you see it. And he does this thing. He's a gargoyle when he dances. That's where he got it from. He's a gargoyle when he dances and it's kind of frightening. I think she's really lucky that he's not dancing.

There's nothing more off-putting than seeing a man dancing badly or anyone for that. Anyone dancing badly. Anyone moving their hips independently of their body. It's weird and strange and also it's different at a festival it's because you can just kind of throw your hands up in the air like woo! Do you know what I mean? A bit of rave. Just do fist pumping.

It's very different then when you're on a dance floor with your partner. What are you gonna do fucking do the zumba like she she sounds like she's really like

sets up the dance as well like they get in a circle and put their bags in the middle and start dancing like that's too that's too organised fun for me

like no thanks what if he dances like what if he's like yeah sure I'll dance and then he just starts line dancing

like what if he does something completely unexpected what are you going to say then you'll be eating your words then you'll be full of regret

full of regret you should be so grateful that he's not dancing hey Joanna Vogue loving the pod although the recent episodes have got me asking the question

why isn't my husband hassling me for sex we're lucky to have sex once a month let alone twice in three days kudos Vogue well I wouldn't be proud of that. It doesn't happen all the time.

Any advice for bringing the sexy back? Currently, I feel like you think sex is a bit of a chore. I feel like I'd like to be accosted once in a while. I think that some people just are the accosters, and some are the non-accosters, like Joanne and I, who run hiding behind the door. Also, sex is a bit of a chore when you're together a while.

Do you know what I mean? And I know it only takes, let's be honest, it can take less than like four or five minutes. It can. I know, but it's a bit of a performance. Svenny has said to me in the past,

he's like, you can keep reading your book but for this woman it's I've been in those relationships before where you're about just it's different when one's into it

at least then you kind of keep it going it kind of tugs along and I am into it but I just not into I am

listen I don't want to sound like I'm not into sex I love a bit of sex we do love a bit of sex just a bit a bit being the operative word a bit of sex

a bit just a tip every second Wednesday but suit me down to the ground I think though but it's different when someone is asking you all the time

then you end up feeling like you don't want to because you're constantly going no fucking come on I went to 20 minutes ago calm down but what I will say is what I will say is

I think that like if I was dying for the ride which sometimes it happens particularly when I'm pregnant and if I was dying for it I would make the move if you're dying for it just make the move

make the move just do it make the move start kissing but start heavily kissing and then there you go that's it.

Especially, do you know what as well? Like sometimes, and I'm not going to name names here, but you're like, you can't just throw it in. Like I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not going to use the term, but we've used the term before on this podcast. I'm going to say it, believe it or not, I'm not a fucking c***. Like, come on,

like, come on. Oh my God. I was actually hoping that wasn't the word she was gonna say you said this the only you brought that up before because someone said you were one do you remember yeah so someone was trolling me on instagram do you know who it was i told you it was trolling me on on twitter actually and called me one of those yeah it's a terrible term. I just mean,

you know what I mean? I'm not just there to receive what you have. I want to be seduced. You need a little seduction. The odd time, it's a bit of an okay,

a quickie. Yeah. Yeah. And the odd time, I will continue reading my book. Thank you for offering that. Yeah. The odd time I do,

I just go, do you know what? I'm going to take it for the team here and I'll go, come on, I'm going to take it for the team here and I'll go come on I'm going to be sound here and then he'll

you have to think of other people's needs you've got to think of other people's needs sometimes honestly he'd be like that was really sound and I'm like

it's grand no worries just remember that in two days but for this woman I think get some real tacky

lingerie spread yourself out like a spatchcock chicken I don't really like the vibe of having to do that I always feel really embarrassed I don't know why I've said it once

and I'll say it again put on a pair of boots that's all you need get a pair of boots that you have downstairs pop on the boots nothing else come out of the shower

looking sexy as Fook and then shower boots are the boots in the shower? no you've come out of the shower looking sexy as Fouke and then Are the boots in the shower? No, you've come out of the shower and you have no boots on. They're like fisherman boots they're just full of water and fish.

Put your waders on, get in the shower. Put on a waterproof barber jacket. Get a bit of net around your hair so you do look like you're fresh from the seas. Oi oi matey. Come inside my lobster pot. Please, please.

Oh, come on. What? Sorry. I'm not making I'm not saying it's a set. I'm not comparing. We're talking about fishing, Jo. Yes, Jo. We're talking about fishing.

Spencer and I Are on tour Yes Cut the mic Cut the microphone Friday Our tickets are Officially on sale Joe I want all

You can go to Ticketmaster Ticketmaster.ie Go And purchase Some tickets Our show's gonna be fun If you're not wearing

Wagers in that live show, I will be literally disappointed. We will be having sexual intercourse on stage. Folk, we were saving that for the tree arena. How dare you?