My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "We've been a secret the whole time..."

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

Will the "how I found out he cheated" emails ever stop? No. Sadly they won't. It's a vintage offering this week. Plus, Joanne's face is acting out and Vogue interrogates her about some borrowed outfits...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of Jo. My therapist ghosted me. I was going to say Joanne and Vogue. Are you well? What's going on? Send help. All I do is podcast. All I do is podcast chats, podcasts, listen to them, and then it goes back into the same circle of life again. Where are you? I'm in Manchester.

Good accent. Good accent. Do you want to try that again? Manchester. No. Uh-oh. I'm here filming this show for a TV show that is going to be like,

when I say I've fallen into a hole watching it, they were like, oh, just watch. Like we've sent you the bits that you'll need to watch. I can't stop watching every episode.

I've only got one left. Are you allowed to tell us what it is? No, I know. And like, that's really annoying. Telly are so funny. They act like you've joined

the Illuminati or the Masons. I know. They're like can't say anything about this now I'm the same I'm working on a show at the moment

and I like I'm even if I'm terrified I'll let slip that I'm doing it because they're like you know you can't tell I'd go to sign an NDA

you know you swear I was in the Illuminati I swear to God you'll see Joanne and I wearing the same outfit for these said TV shows because we are

what's it called sustainable we are sustainable but I didn't realise that if I committed to wearing it for the first episode I'd have to wear it

for fucking 60 episodes I just didn't really understand you know I burst the gusset I did and isn't that that is unusual because I'm the one with the wide gait

oh I burst that gusset and a couple of other bits. Anyway, I've had it into a very talented tailor and you'd never know now. Hang on, what do you mean a couple of other bits? What other bits have you ruined of mine? I've burst a couple of other gussets in it. I apparently have loads of gussets and they've all burst.

But you would never know and I sent it into your one and she even replaced some of the buttons and all. Oh, I'll tell you what happened to the buttons. Will I tell you what happened? Because you burst the buttons. I burst the gussets you burst the buttons on the thing. I wouldn't I'd usually be very good with clothes but it was that night after late late when I woke up in Amber's

bed and I'd obviously tried to get the jumpsuit off but I'd had a few drinks so I obviously just ripped it. Yeah. I woke up the next day. I wish it was a sexier story. I was hoping for some kind of indecent proposal situation where like some man flicked off a button each for a million pounds or something.

But no, you just ripped it off yourself. Would you let Alan sell you for a million pounds? Million and a half. One night with that good looking fella as well. Robert Redford. I'm off. I'm pretty sure Alan's tried. I'm pretty sure if's tried I'm pretty sure

if you googled my name on the dark web he has me for sale somewhere he's always putting me in the gym and all it's like he's trying to get me ready for something I'm like what

what am I training for Robert Redford is awaiting for you little sexy man on his yacht yes please thank you very much knowing us we'd get stuck

with the penguin. We'd go on and there'd just be the penguin standing there. Alan's like, have you put on your night creams? I'm like, what the fuck is all this about? Yeah, I have put on my night creams.

Is it okay? Is that okay? Do I look okay now? And my eye creams, actually, thank you very much. You're disgusting. I'd say Alan's got

a really good skincare regime. Well, he does, but like we've discussed before, you're disgusting I'd say Alan's got a really good skincare regime well he does but like we've discussed before he's a he's greedy little hand in my product basket several

which really annoys me and Alan does now we've had we've had discussions but I think he wears I don't know if I should say this

concealer it's worse foundation no no no he doesn't wear anything like that now he Concealer? It's worse Foundation? No, no No, he doesn't wear anything like that now He wears a little headband While he's putting on his face creams I respect that

I sometimes find that attractive Very Jack Grealish It started off as a joke But ha ha Take that thing off That's silly Now Joanne I think we should read the room here

Because I'm pretty sure There's another gentleman who definitely wears a headband looking for Jo you definitely do Jo do you wear a headband like when you're

putting on your creams firstly I don't have a headband secondly I don't have creams I didn't think he'd have creams I'd say he uses

the Nivea that little Nivea the blue one probably I'm telling you people look younger with that really thick Nivea cream Jo one probably I'm telling you people look younger with that really thick Nivea cream Joe's probably just got like

what's that yellow soap is it what's it called I used to use it what's it called tar soap is that what it is I go down the aisle

and I'll buy whatever's on offer yeah of course you will of course you will because you're a normal person yeah exactly rather than my spice girl upstairs with this headband

I'm like go on take that off will you because if you think you're coming anywhere near me after seeing that and it takes me a week to not see the headband anymore

so I'm like you're only cock blocking yourself Spenny will sometimes put on my pyjama she wants to go get something fromband anymore so I'm like you're only cock blocking yourself Spenny will sometimes put on my pajama shorts to go get something from the kitchen and there'd be just a ball hanging out of one I'm like no no I can't no no and then it's true you can't unsee it it's like I can't now we're very judgmental and we're very sexist let's be real we believe men's place where is men's place actually

just like just be I just think men lose the run of themselves quicker than women I feel like Spenny I spoke about this

on our pod but Spenny when he was running through the Amazon his feet started falling apart so he was in bed the other night

and I could see in the corner of my eye he was picking the skin off his feet and throwing it on the ground i'm like like we're in bed together please just not here i don't see anything wrong with that name oh joanne that is no you're a sick woman alan cut my toenails once because i was like I'm no too much no that's no because I didn't think they were ready

I was like ah they're not ready and he's like they're definitely ready yeah so I was like right well you do them then if you're that

upset by them so I did I saw someone I saw someone with toenail shellac like but like they had nail extension things

like you get on their toenails. Yeah. Well, yeah, because that's the problem with shellac. You have to go in and get it eroded off. So it does tend to grow out sometimes. No, not that. That's not what I mean. I mean, you know those extra nail bits that you get on?

What do you call them? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They didn't get fake nails on their toes. I'm telling you, I saw somebody recently with...'t get fake nails on their toes. I saw somebody recently with, I'm not saying it was, but I saw somebody. They looked very done up. Was it a famous person?

Because there is a kind of a weird trend of people growing their toenails now on catwalks and stuff. Like you're wearing them as nails. Yeah, I know.

It's disgusting. Can I talk about my face face please? Well I didn't know if I was allowed to bring it up it's all I can think of Once again

my head has blown up like the elephant man She's in a cruel mood today Jo Sorry I will never forget the day

I stood here Sally wrote my curly blow dryer and the two of you you couldn't you couldn't leave it no it's true every week

it's just revenge really it's like I'll never forget who can get the upper hand see people still send me photos of those dogs sometimes I got one the other day actually and it was did you get the one where it was banging on the back door and it was the spitting image

me that dog banging on no I didn't oh wow I've never seen anything like it actually it was quite frightening so today today was a day so you know the way we're big into kind of like getting facials and well that's it really. And so, well, I have this reoccurring issue with my face, which only started this year where it kind of tends to blow up and all my skin goes really hard, like a lizard and it goes around my eyes.

And this time it's all around my mouth. And I was like, it's about time I figured out what's going on on the inside. Yeah. Rather than just making time for profilo, I should probably figure out. Why I look like a blowfish. Every fucking three months.

So anyway. Went in today. Got my bloods done. Oh I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm very proud of you. Because I went in. In a panic.

And I was like look. I've googled it. And it looks like it's liver failure. What do you think? And she was like. I don't think it's liver failure. I would say you're having a reaction. To some skin I was like no no no it's definitely to me from from everything I've read online it's secretion of the liver out my eyes I swear to god it's not

that bad google it I'm telling you now I was like this is it I'm going to be on dialysis although that's kidneys isn't it anyway and so she did the bloods. She was like, I really don't think it's your liver. But anyway, then I went and I got, I went to a chiropractor. Now that's not to do with my eyes, but my pelvic floor is again,

has dropped. Basically, I'm doing the work on the, on the, on the body that you, that doesn't, the non-sexy parts. I have an acupuncture session

booked for Friday and cupping cupping oh god I can't wait to hear what that's like yeah I'm going to get cupped what does that do though no idea not a clue

I just feel like I'm going to go down I'm going to start going holistic I think it looks so cool when you go around with the cup market same

she knows what she's asking yeah I think the exact same thing someone understands their body she's yeah she's looking after herself

yeah little circular burn marks all over her back because it doesn't look like it's cigarettes wellness so yeah so I'm excited

to tell you all about the cupping and the acupuncture I feel like this is the turning point in my life I'm going through a change before I have the big change I'm getting healthy I'm getting ready Joanne the big change is is I would say it's not in your near future but I like that

you're starting to look after yourself I think that you need to do your all your bloods yeah portante very important and I feel like I spend enough time you know what I mean like I'd sit there bleaching my teeth but like we appreciate that my colon could be falling out of me

and I'd be like oh well as long as do you know what I mean as long as there's a glow on the skin but like the glow could be like death you know

so that's what I'm a dewy death a dewy sweating because I'm about to get cremated to death so that's what I that's where I am in my journey. I'm thinking of getting a sound bell, that kind of thing. Oh no,

don't go too far now. Sound bell. I'll start with the acupuncture. Apparently it kind of loosens up all your... I think it makes you horny. I think I heard it makes you horny. Well, I suppose Alan did suggest that I guess he's getting ready for this indecent proposal situation that he clearly has in the pipeline. Oh, that's exciting stuff, actually.

We're going to look at Joanne. She's going to be walking outside in her bare feet onto the grass, drinking a thing of cacao. Matcha tea. I'm like, I'm earthing. No, you're going to be cacao. I'm earthing. Grounding. They call it grounding.

Grounding. That's it grounding yeah it's about time I'm like saying like I honestly these last two years you've even seen it folk like the road is tough

on a woman it's tough it's rough it's tough I feel like it would be tough on anyone but it's just so much fun I can't help but get involved

in the fun I'd say my liver looks like a bag of minced meat at this stage so I'm really going to give this a go yeah well we'll see

what your tests come back like if her tests don't come back bad you know she's going to hit it twice come here to me if the tests

come back fine I'm going to try to beat them Hi Booj and Joanne Hello I know it's a while since you did How I Found Out He Was Cheating

but they're all timeless tales They are Here we go They are They're classics They're like the little black dress of infidelity I love them

I do feel nervous though when I see it because I just feel so bad for people because I don't want them to be sad. I actually find them quite comforting. I was married to my husband for a year but we'd been together for seven years before that. It was coming up to his birthday and I wanted to surprise him with a weekend away.

Sound. I needed to find our passport to check us in on the flights and as I searched through our desk drawer I found a weekend away. Sound. I needed to find our passport to check us in on the flights and as I searched through our desk drawer I found a digital camera. So fucking 2008. Which I had no idea we owned. I turned it on.

Oh God. This is never cool. Oh God. I turned it on and the strength of what I found was the sort of thing voc... Uh oh. strength of what I found was the sort of thing Vogue watches on the internet when Spencer's away.

I've already been down that hole today. I've already been down there today. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Him and this woman had enough footage to make Anal Adventures the movie and have enough for a couple of sequels left over. Oh, I mean,

I'm glad that you're making a joke of this because this is terrible. Sorry, but how can, what is he, Steven Spielberg? How can he have anal and take loads of photos

at the same time? That's, I think a lot, they must have been videos as well. After my head stopped spinning on my shoulders like the exorcist and my rage was shoved into the corner

to deal with in the next life, I left him, forgot about him and I've moved on. Oh, I love you. I gave myself six months of worldly behavior, literally worldly, I crossed four continents.

Good girl. All funded by selling our supposed marital home. I've now met an absolute dreamboat in Geneva, which probably means he's absolutely minted or a tax dodger, equally as hot. Allegedly. Allegedly, yeah.

A year ago I was living with my shitbag ex in the Midlands and now I get up every morning, get the ride and drink coffee while I gaze at Swiss mountains wow that's I love

yeah bragging over that's one of my best smiles like I love that it's very Tina Turner yes that's yeah

I'll come home soon and face my adult life and the fact that I've pissed all my money away I do you know what I kind of wish it had ended at the mountains

I feel like well we don't know. This might go somewhere with the Geneva fella. And people in Geneva are rich. They're all rich. They're all loaded. Do you know in Geneva, if you get a speeding ticket, they do it on the amount of your wealth. So if they know that you earn like 300 grand a year,

you could get like a two grand speeding ticket instead of somebody who earns like 20 grand a year would get like a $60 speeding ticket. of somebody who earns like 20 grand a year would get like a 60 dollar speeding ticket I just wanted to tell anyone going through a breakup that you do recover and your life is your own

I feel like she has really got the essence of me I feel inspired I think that's really nice and it is nice to tell people and also I feel inspired my only tips

for breakups is when people ask you to do stuff even if you don't want to do it make sure you do it because it will then you'll love going out

then you'll hate it at the start and then you'll really enjoy it 100% and also for anyone else listening

delete anal off your camera please just delete any anal off your camera it shouldn't be there your partner could find it

and then they'll run off and have a better life in Geneva and then you're the off and have a better life in Geneva and then you're the fucking he just you know what I mean yeah gotta think

think ahead Christ so yeah Hi Joanne and Vogue I need your help I think we're the wrong people to ask but let's give it a go

I've been seeing this guy at work for the last 18 months and we've been a secret guy at work for the last 18 months and we've been a secret the whole time. He has also been dating other women most of this time and he says he doesn't feel ready for us to get rid, 18 months.

Oh, come on. Get lost. How? No. He's not nice to you. You can even hear, I think sometimes it's good to write stuff down because then when you hear it read back, you're like hold on a second this is outrageous yeah have you ever wrote stuff down and you look back and you're like oh wow wow I was having a crazy day sometimes I don't like to

think back on the shit that I've done because you're like oh no it's so it was so obvious what was happening but I was you know the way you're in denial the heart wants what it wants it sees what it wants to see and he's probably giving is that the end of the email or is there more no sorry there's more

okay go on as he just committed a long-term relationship separated from his wife when we started I could understand feelings on this time but now it just really hurts

that he won't commit to me and makes me feel like I'm not good enough true recently a new girl started work and he blatantly fancies her and flirts with her in front of me.

Oh, yeah. The worst part is I'm friends with this girl as we worked together previously. No, he's taken the bait. No, I'll tell you, this is, it's, it's, to me anyway, this seems very clear.

Do you want to hear her PS though? Oh, yeah, sure. PS, I know I should end things with him and I've tried so many times but it's so hard when we work together and are speaking every day that is true

he offers me these nuggets of hope that's called bread crumbing talking about our future together plus the sex is amazing I think that you need

to go and have sex with other people yeah I had a similar situation it's very hard to remove yourself but you're gonna have to especially when you work together you're gonna have to dig deep Yeah, I had a similar situation. It's very hard to remove yourself,

but you're going to have to... Especially when you work together. You're going to have to dig deep and white knuckle it out of that because it's only going to get worse. And he basically, because he's just come out of a long-term relationship, he's absolutely zero interest in committing himself again. He's just not going to.

So he's just going to fuck around. He's having his cake and he's eating it too sadly that's what he's doing which is what people do everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too not many people would set her free because people are you know we're selfish but it's up to her he's not gonna he's not gonna kick her to the curb she needs to remove herself with dignity before it gets really toxic yeah and don't feel bad because like we've all been that there and oh god yeah yeah and i say remove yourself i didn't remove myself i was very i was very rudely removed i've been kicked to so many curbs like i could like I'm practically a lollipop lady I've seen so many

I wouldn't feel bad I can see this situation so clearly it's not going to end and it's really hard when the sex is good that's the worst part good sex is the best when you get there you get dickmatized by some wanker in your office

listen we've all been there dickmatized dickmatized by some wanker in your office. Listen. We've all been in there. Dickmatized. Dickmatized. That's it for the bonus episode this week. We will see you... On Friday. On Friday.

Good night. Bonne nuit. I hoa. Thank you.