My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "When a man marries his mistress, a vacancy opens."

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

There's no way that the bed bug situation wasn't going to come up at some point... Plus, a cheated listener living her best life, with wise words for everybody. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and I am Dwayne McNally. It's the bonus episode. Welcome. Sit down. Take a load off. I'm only going to let you do this if you say g'day mate in an Australian accent and you get it good you're so embarrassing

I can't do it do it do it Skippy do it g'day mate so we're going to be in Australia we're going to

Brisbane Sydney Melbourne couple of Sydney's anyway I'm excited to go to Sydney I have packed my bags literally and I'm ready

to go nowhere else well I'm also okay okay well Joanne I'm sorry I've made plans I'd be very careful here now I have plans in every city

I don't think that I have time to spend any time with you outside of the shows because I am so busy with my friends okay remember that

okay well I can't wait to eat it whatever it is because I am so busy with my friends. Okay? Remember that. Okay, well. I can't eat it, whatever it is. I'm thinking a cat or a rabbit or a tiny dog. So Spenny is like, you see, he's one of those people, like you and Spenny, if we'd put all this stuff together. Like he buys an expensive pair of sunglasses and I just look at him like, what's the point? There's no point.

Just take out your money and throw it on the ground. There's no point. It's really bad. I mean, I can't be, I can't keep dragging, I can't keep dragging ADHDers down with me, but I do feel there is. I'm not going to throw myself into that camp because I actually read an article the other day oh god Twitter's a dark place at the moment but an article the other day about

this woman, this doctor who was saying like everyone has ADHD at the moment and it's not helpful to self-diagnose and it's not an identity and then someone else is like how dare you speak about me and my community like that and all kicked off I don't know why I got sucked into this twitter rant anyway so I'm very aware I'm not saying I have ADHD however there is a certain type of personality

that's scattered you're a scatty that's that's like but saying that I'm chaotic but you're a scatty yes you're not yeah Vogue, there is nothing chaotic about you. No, I mean, by the way I conduct myself, like I went into a shop today and I had half an hour to like this amazing shop and I was running around like such a lunatic and I was like just crazy the way I was just going around like trying to get,

I tried to squash too much into one day. You're not, but you're not, you're high functioning and overly productive. You're not chaotic. That's like saying the French don't like to day. You're not, but you're not, you're high functioning and overly productive. You're not chaotic. That's like saying the French don't like to riot. You're not. You're the opposite. How about their bedbugs? Sting on. Where the fuck did all the bedbugs come from? Do we

know? No, but I remember I was staying in a nice resort in one of my first dates with Spenny and it was infested with bedbugs and we woke up in the morning and you basically, I've been reading about bedbugs, they inject you with like a painkiller

so you don't feel them biting you when they're doing it but you wake up the next day with all this. A painkiller? Yeah. It comes out of their body. They can live.

Like morphine? Yeah. They basically shoot you up. Well, had I known that, I would have opened the bedroom door. I didn't realise that they were medicating us. I thought they were just taking our blood. I know, but it's so painful when you wake up and you've just got this itchy

disgusting rash and you know that someone's been feasting on you overnight. It's grim. Oh my God, I'm going to get a little cage, keep them in the room, then open their little door at night and just lay there. Get whacked out of it. I had bed bug bites in a hostel in Australia. So what I heard, my source on bed bugs tells me that they bite everyone,

but only some of you have blood that they want. So they kind of test you like a sommelier. And they kind of nip in and see if they like the blood and if they do they'll keep going and if they don't they'll stop

that's what I heard and then and they work in pairs the animals and that's why they're kind of in they're in like it looks like a line

well they so what they do do they eat anything that's breathing because they love carbon dioxide. That's what they thrive on. And they also can withstand freezing temperatures and temperatures up to 110 degrees. So you're kind of screwed. That's why there's mattresses all over the streets in Paris, because you've got to like throw out your mattresses.

Yeah, you have to boil the bedbugs out. And they always, they're like a little duo. That's what I heard. Like Ant and Dec or Usvogue. A little duo.'s what I heard like Ant and Jack or us folk a little duo one of those two I feel like

we're more like those two men who are they again the duo I can't remember who they are the hairy bikers the joke club brothers

that's who I meant apparently they're the nicest men in show business but yeah apparently they're all in the cinemas and everything in France yeah they're everywhere but they're the nicest men in show business But yeah Apparently they're all in the cinemas and everything

in France Yeah they're everywhere But they're supposedly on the tubes in London now So they're starting to come to London Obviously via the Eurostar We all knew it was going to happen I know

I just feel like Why do I see them sitting on the tube going to the London Eye Why do I think they're tourists Reading that paper Yeah the Metro Reading the Metro reading the Metro reading about

Joanne's Joanne's big article little little legs swinging off the chairs sorry now I'm thinking they're like the little M&M men

and their little legs are just swinging yeah sorry you my belle bed bed bug off the Natural History Museum

trying to get into Soho House so I know this just it seems meaningless but Jo you'll understand eventually when you're doing it so we have playdates with our kids all the time

like loads of playdates they're always going on playdates with our kids all the time like loads of playdates they're always going on playdates tea is very popular so he has one today and I basically went to the school and um had I known this was the case I wouldn't have told the dad to go to the school I would have taken the child so he's a playdate with one of his friends and he was like okay see you later I'll pick her up after five and I was like oh hang on we're now at the age where I can just ditch tea and he can go off

to someone's house for a play date and then you just reciprocate by taking their child for a few hours another day. It's brilliant. Free,

it's free, it's free babysitting. Yeah. Free childcare. Won't be long until I can just dump him at the party. Spenny tried to dump him

at the party on Saturday. He was like, can we not just go? I was like, no, we can't go. We have to stay. Do you have to stay? I didn't know that.

But back when I was younger, my parents never stayed at the parties. No, they do over here to a certain age, I think. I don't even think they stopped the car. I think they just rolled us out. We just went in and started to party hard. And then they just did a couple of laps in the estate and slowed down and we climbed laps in the estate and slowed down

and we climbed back in the boot and went home literally every party was the same when we were younger there was those mini fairy buns

there was the Rice Krispie cakes and then you'd just have loads of crisps and stuff but you wouldn't actually do anything we didn't get

children's entertainers or anything you literally would just be in a race together with all your friends the entertainment was your brother with the whistle telling everyone to run and then that's would just be in together with all your friends the entertainment was your brother

with the whistle telling everyone to run and then that's what we did relay races around the block and yeah

that's what we did Pass the Parcel obviously was brilliant Pass the Parcel huge hit musical chairs musical chairs lots of accidents

a lot of violence a lot of competition and then I remember one birthday really well I think it was when we started using like video on birthday parties. And you know, the kind of real grainy, like 90s footage that you find on VHS.

I don't know, because literally there's no footage of me as a child at all. Like my parents genuinely didn't like, there's nothing. Really? Nothing, nothing. I would never see myself walking as a child unless it was I was caught by somebody else's video camera it's just in the background like a yeti

proof folk Williams actually exists did you hear about do you think folk Williams exists no just creeping around like that man and it's just

big foot just yeah big mate big mate from house is she real no one knows. Oh my God, if I ever have a production company,

I think I'll call it Big Mouth Productions. It's a really, that's a really good name. Actually, beep, beep, if it doesn't exist,

just beep it out because I'm actually going to use it. Thanks Joanne McNally. Trademark that. Yeah, it exists in New York, but you know, you could do it over here.

Big Mouth UK. Yeah, Big Mouth UK. Oh no, it exists in New York, but you know, you could do it over here. Big Mate UK. Yeah, Big Mate UK. Oh no, it exists in the UK as well. Huge Mates. Like there's other ways of describing your mates. Vast.

Large Mates. Yeah. Too big for her face. Face hell. Face hell. Face hell. Face crevice. Face swamp.

Facial abyss productions. It does take up, it takes up like over a third of my face. So it should, it's taking up too much of the face. You haven't mentioned

my pink hair. Does it not look pink to you? Sorry, I mentioned it but my earphones hadn't, my mic wasn't on at the time. I was like, oh my God, your hair is pink. Well, you're all going, we can't hear you. We can't hear you.'t on at the time I was like oh my god your hair is pink while you were all going we can't hear you

we can't hear you you know the tech the tech era before the 20 minute podcast yeah I was listening back to our pod yesterday because I do that so like

I protect Joanne mainly and listen that thing you were listening to like speaking of hotels that's like your new thing now you don't even know. I didn't even notice I was doing it.

I just demand a segue for my own conversations. Hi, Vogue and Joanne and Jo. I, oh no, I think we're in trouble and Joanne and Joe I, oh no I think we're in trouble Joanne I have been thinking of writing to you for a long time I'm listening to this week's, I don't know I don't know, well if we are Joe are we in trouble? I don't think you're in trouble, let's see

I have been thinking about writing to you for a long time, I'm listening to this week's bonus episode on the poor woman who kept calling herself a piece of shit I had to write in this week as I have on the poor woman who kept calling herself a piece of shit. I had to write in this week as I have been the wife who was cheated on. Oh.

Although I used to be annoyed at the woman who had an affair with my husband, ultimately, he was the one who was married in that situation

and so the blame lies with him, not his mistress. That's actually very grown up. I mean, it's hard when you're emotionally involved in a situation to be, to make, kind of to be rational about things.

Yeah. I think. I have no doubt my husband was telling this woman that we were no longer really in a relationship and he was staying for the sake of the kids. Oh God, there was kids. Oh, this couldn't be further from the truth. If the man this lady is seeing has not yet left his wife,

I believe he does not really intend on doing so. Agree? Yeah. Leaving a marriage is hard, but so is sneaking around and covering up an affair. The man is looking to have his cake and eat it. You said that, Joanne? I did.

The woman who wrote in deserves so much better than a man who will cheat on his wife. As my mom always says, when a man marries his mistress, a vacancy opens. Oh, whoa. Oh my God,

that gave me shivers. Indeed. The classic. Oh, goodness. He'll leave you as he finds you is another one. He'll leave you as he finds you. Yeah, God.

Anyway, that's given me goosebumps. Anyway, the reason I was going to write in for so long was because I am now happily separated. if he was he finds him yeah god anyway that's given me goosebumps anyway the reason I was going to write in for so long was because I am now happily separated I have

oh I like that I have my final hearing for my divorce next month and will be celebrating my divorce by going to see ah MTGM

in the three arena on the 30th of November ah that's lovely that's really nice normally your stories about divorced women end by the woman

saying they have met someone new and are living their best life I am separated three and a half years now and have not met anyone else

but I'm living my best life I love her Joanne yeah a partner is not a happy ending I agree you have to be happy within yourself

before you meet somebody else to add to your happiness or you don't even need to meet someone else Anne Hathaway my good friend speaking of Anne Hathaway

which no one brought up but me now this is I think she is married with kids but park all that I watched her yeah she is she is yeah

but let's just talk about her she is she is but that's just what about her anyway but she I loved her in the princess diaries she she I saw an interview

a snippet on TikTok where I live and she was talking about remember everyone went really anti-Anne

for a while like everyone just hated Anne Hathaway do you remember that she got all this bile she was talking about, remember everyone went really anti-Anne for a while. Like, everyone just hated Anne Hathaway. Do you remember that she got all this vile and just, she was just vilified

and everyone was saying she was a, like, she was a real kind of earnest asshole and no one liked her and she was getting trailed all the time.

And she was talking about that time. I think she'd just done La Miserable and everyone was like, oh, look at her crying again. She was always

she just comes across as quite a anyway she said she had to go and do loads of therapy because the person that they

were telling her she was she believed them and she was like if and when this pile on ever happens again I want to be I want to love myself so much

that no one can tell me anything I won't believe anything anything. I won't believe anything bad anyone says about me because I'm going to love myself so much. Mental robustness. That's what we all are aiming towards. So you're just

bulletproof. As bulletproof as you can be. I don't know why this is in relation to this woman. I think it's that. Do you know what I mean? Yourself, yourself, yourself, yourself, yourself. First, first, first, first, first. I actually really like that I think it's No I just love Do you know what I mean Yeah I really Yourself yourself Yourself yourself First first first I actually really like that And people will always

Say shit And talk shit And you'll always hear shit And just ignore it Like Honestly That shit used to get to me as well When I'd see stuff written

And now I'm like literally I'm just like You've no idea what kind of person I am I had somebody mail me People mail me Just random shit Someone Oh look at the state of

Otto's teeth because of his soother like don't I know don't bother listening to what anyone else says and PS

he will be getting braces don't worry about that I will deal with that when he's 14 thank you thank you goodnight but I understand

what you mean about Anne Hathaway and I actually really like that I love it too do you know what I'm getting into and again this is about Anne Hathaway and I actually really like that. I love it too. Do you know what I'm getting into? And again,

this is maybe nothing to do with this email but it's just it's coming out anyway. I'm getting into philosophy at the moment. When I say getting into philosophy I follow a philosophy

TikTok account. Joanne, I'm sorry you're going to have to take out your phone. I need to know the screen time on TikTok. I have to know what the screen time is because this is like outrageous. I'm into philosophy now, okay?

So I'm just like the odd philosophical. She's doing a philosophy course. I'm doing a philosophy course on TikTok that comes in three word memes. May I remind you what your last philosophical question was on this podcast? Was about riding the horse remind you yes it was one of the best questions the universe has ever asked us someone I read a quote I don't know who it's from I haven't I haven't really got big into the names of the philosophers I just like the words and he says um if you don't want criticism, do nothing, be nothing.

Say nothing. Yeah. And I was like, it's so true. It really rang a bell with me because obviously in life we get criticized. And you're like, well, hold on. I'm just fucking trying to have a career and do something I enjoy and do something I love so I'd rather do that and take the shit than have no shit and not be doing what I absolutely love to do

so shit on me all you want oh let's email this woman back we should meet her I think that we should meet her at the MTGM show

before we go on stage I think that you should come and say hello to us and we'll toast your divorce with you let's have a glass of champagne before we'll open

we'll open the fancy champagne for you and we think that your divorce with you. Let's have a glass of champagne before. We'll open the fancy champagne for you and we think that you are amazing. But I like hearing that I'm separated three and a half years and I haven't met anyone else but I'm living my best life. And you have kids

and that makes me just feel so happy. Yeah. As a fellow divorcee. So will you get in touch with Jo if you want to meet us? I mean, you don't have to. I mean, imagine if she didn't write back.

Imagine if she just blocked us. What I would say as well is, what am I trying to say? I know, do you know what? I know, I have known a person in every situation in this situation. Yeah. And it's, do you get what I I mean I've known a woman whose husband

has had an affair I've known a woman who's had an affair I've known a man who has had an affair blah blah do you know what I mean I also know a woman women who've had affairs well they were married if you get me and it's always an absolute shit show yeah whatever angle it's a shit show and i think that sometimes there's a lot of hate goes towards the other woman in inverted commas because and we're talking like this is a very hetero synopsis but let's just i just have to keep going that it went it's very easy it's easier to hate the other woman because your feelings for your partner are so complicated and you and they probably are still in love with them that it's and to hate the other woman Because your feelings for your partner Are so complicated And they probably are still in love with them And the hate has to go somewhere

So it goes to the other person And that's just what happens I'll be honest So I think this is very This is very fucking fair play to this woman This is very grown up But like having been cheated on I hate

I kind of I still like I hate both of them Yeah Because they're both arseholes They are both arseholes One is a bigger arsehole Everyone's an arsehole

But they're Except us Everyone is an arsehole Except Anon Anon is not an arsehole in this Everyone's an Everyone has Everyone has arsehole in them

It's like I was watching this show And they're like Everyone has an arsehole Wow I was trying to do something nice You knew where she was going to take it You knew where she was going to take it. You knew where she was going to do it.

Look at her when she tries to be annoyed when she's got a hoodie on, sunglasses on. It's like I haven't seen you until now. I can't work in these conditions. I'm into philosophy now Vogue Okay Aristotle Gemma Collins The big pinkers

You should take a photo of me I didn't consent to that I have to show the listener To go back the other way I think the quote was from Albert Hubbard. That's who you were quoting. Who? Albert Hubbard. Albert Hubbard.

God, I don't, that name does not ring a bell. What was the quote exactly, Jo? It is... Why is she still laughing? Look at her She's so professional There's only one way To avoid criticism

Do nothing Say nothing And be nothing That's it Do nothing Say nothing Be nothing That's the only way

You avoid criticism Yeah Or you could also Just not give a shit Like Svenny Or just Yeah Shout out Arshael

No actually You're not getting criticism That's That's That was my Philosophical lesson The other day we're just yeah shout out RSL no actually you're not getting criticism that's that's that was my philosophical lesson the other day I said wow

and I'm just gonna live by that name but if this woman if you're right if you're coming to the show DM Jo and come backstage for a little

for a drink if you want to you don't have to obviously because I know Joanne's a bit well you do have no you do have to now you do have to now we've

we've invited you it'd be rude not to come we've made a plan stick to now. You do have to now. We've invited you. It'd be rude not to come. We've made a plan. Stick to it. Okay? Okay, do we have time for one more? Or we'll turn up to your house. Hide outside in the bushes.

In our golden jumpsuits. Mic'd, ready to go and drag you backstage. That's it for this week. We'll see you Friday for the main. Thank you.