My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Which is the tip?!"

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Vogue's got her way and we're discussing celebritah-ahahs: the cliff notes of the Selena/Hailey fued, Liam Hemsworth and Miley and a sprinkling of Avril Lavigne. Plus, wanking into kettles, autocorrect fails and a big old debate surrounding an aubergine. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams, and her, Joanne McNally. Joanne. No. We've got to talk about it. We've got to talk about it. No. And I know that you want me

You try and pull back me On the celeb goss But like That's just the person I am I know we liked it We do like a bit of celeb We can't deny it We need to have

A bit of celebrity Ha ha Goss So Selena Gomez Yeah what is actually Going on with all that shit Do you know what I actually think it's so mean now

Because I just think like Hailey Bieber is getting Like serious abuse off people She's lost a million followers And it's so mean now because I just think like Hayley Bieber is getting like serious abuse off people. She's lost a million followers and it's all over this thing. Right. So here's what kind of happened. Do you want a little rundown?

Please. I need someone to explain, to break this shit down for me. There's always been like this subtle tension between Selena, who is Justin Bieber's ex, and Hayley, his wife. But the feud all started with eyebrows. I love this. This is like the cliff notes of the feud all started with eyebrows. I love this. This is like the cliff notes of the feud. Yeah. Okay, hit me.

Just a tiny bit. Selena posted about her accidentally over-laminating her brows. We've all been there, Selena. Well, I haven't because I've never laminated my brows. Yeah, we haven't been there. That was a lie. Vogue Williams, lying again. Sorry, Selena.

We haven't been there. Later that day, Kylie posted a video of herself and Hayley on FaceTime showing off their eyebrows, making subtle digs at Selena. Well, were they really making subtle digs? I mean, come on. Women have eyebrows. Were they just on camera wearing their own eyebrows or were they actually making digs? That's the problem.

They were wearing their eyebrows on their face. Kylie commented on a few TikToks saying that it was ridiculous. And people started to call Hailey and Kylie mean girls and Selena commented on a few videos thanking fans for their support. You see that's throwing fields of fire. She's stirring the pot there. A few days later Selena comes off

socials saying that this is a little silly and she's too old for it and a few weeks later Selena reappeared on TikTok with a makeup tutorial in the video's comments she wrote, please be kinder and consider others' mental health. This really made people double down on the fact that Kylie and Hailey are mean girls with people digging up tons of problematic tweets from Hailey. Oh, my God.

Then Justin had his birthday party and he handed out lighters with I'm so thankful I didn't end up with what I thought I wanted. Now, I had read that and I had. What the fuck is that? You see this is the thing is that true? This is what I need to know because if it is true

that is real geebag behaviour. That is shade but that is not her throwing shade but people are saying Hayley had this made as it was a surprise

like why is it always the woman? Why always throw her under the bus? Like sorry but like Justin and Selena went out when they were 11 or something. Although I do know that he basically broke up with Selena and got married to Hailey Bieber

within like literally an hour, which is going to stay. I know. Well, fast forward to now, Selena has overtaken Kylie as the most followed female on Instagram, gaining 16 million followers. And Hailey has lost over a million.

But like Hayley's getting loads of abuse and I just don't understand why like I wouldn't sorry I thought my boob was leaking there. It's not. It's not.

There's no milk left there like little empty sacks. I know there's sacks of empty sacks. I'm so pleased. I have nightmares listening to that fucking pump. You can just hear her moving around the gaiety.

Anyway, I just think, like seriously, are we really? Who gives a shit? Who are we backing? You're supposed to say who gives a shit.

We do give a shit. We love this shit. I know, but how do people, I think people are being too mean and just assuming that Hayley Hayley and Kylie

like the girls obviously like if Selena doesn't like Hayley who gives a shit that's their own beef they're not all abusing each other I don't think they'd be stupid enough to be seen as mean girls I don't think they were trying to be

bullies I just don't I don't know like we've had to we've had to hold ourselves back a couple of times. We're ground women. Like they were kids when they were

like they were really young when all this shit happened. But they're not kids now. Back in the day of course but I don't think they're doing it now. But wasn't their stuff

wasn't their videos resurfaced of Hayley kind of pretending to vomit when someone mentioned Selena Gomez's name and all this jazz. So there was definitely

I haven't looked into all that. What? This is, you were doing the cliff notes. I'm doing the cliff notes of the most recent fight but what I will say is we're all like little babies about stuff like that when you're younger. The key is, as Brandon Courtney said to me, a diplomat thinks twice

before he says nothing at all. Say nothing. But then when they do kick off, it's highly entertaining, as we know, aka. Oh, did you hear the rumour that Liam Hemsworth

is potentially suing Miley Cyrus for libel? I saw that. Liam, listen, if you do the dirty, my friend, I wouldn't bother suing. Okay? This could also be

a complete bullshit rumour. I know. Like, we don't deal in facts, Vogue. We're not David Attenborough. Now that I've gotten you on to the celebrity bandwagon, did you see... You get one celebrity story, Vogue. Just one more. Go know. Like we don't deal in facts, Vogue. We're not David Attenborough. Now that I've gotten you onto the celebrity bandwagon, did you see... You get one celebrity story, Vogue. Just one more, go on.

Okay, fine. Taiga and Avril Lavigne are going out with each other. I can't understand. This is the... Remember I was saying earlier I don't believe in the moon? Yeah.

Now in this moment, I don't believe in the lunacy of the moon that it makes us lunatics. Then when I saw that story, I went, hold on, there might be something to be said for the full moon

because that is just wild I know but you know what Spenny used to know that fella Brodie Jenner and he said that they hung out when he was going out with Avril Lavigne

and supposedly everybody fancies the pants off Avril Lavigne yeah people love Avril I'm really mad for her because I'd say as well because she's so different to what

and I'd say she doesn't give a shit in Hollywood she's this different to what is in Hollywood she's this kind of like skater kid but Tyga I know Tyga because to go from

Kylie Kardashian to Avril Lavigne that's yeah but to go from she was with Maude's son and then she went to Tyga she's engaged

I know and she's been married to that other fella from Sum 41 she's a girl after my own heart so Tyga he used to be on

OnlyFans by the way and he used to make 7.6 million dollars a month sorry I just saw this under his name his ex Black China makes 20 million a month so

Joanne I'm not coming off OnlyFans Vogue I'm not doing it I know I'm not doing it Vogue I know you think it's bad for business what would you

put up on OnlyFans like can you imagine can you imagine can you imagine in our base thongs My River Island My River Island ass cutting pants I think they look great

I think they look great too Do you want to hear some emails from our lovely listeners? Okay. I don't know why you're driving this. My head's not in the game today. I'm distracted. You're doing a great job.

You're doing a great job. You're up. You're not complaining about being tired, which I would have mentioned 460 times by now. Nothing worse. Nothing worse.

Thank you. Isn't it great to be working? Isn't it just great to be working? It's great to have the work. It'll all go on tomorrow. For a job that you love it's fantastic. When you love your job

you don't work a day in your life. This is true that. Okay. He dumped me over garlic. Autocorrect problems. Which is the tip? Cattle wanker. And that's it. Let's go kettle wanker

because I this is off the back of me finding out that people bore their knickers in hotel kettles I'm not believing that I'm sorry do you know what we need

do you know what we need we need a follow up section on the pod because when we do something on the pod then someone they send in their like kind of follow up

stories and there was a lot of talk a lot of talk in the DMs about the fact that housekeepers in hotels get one cloth to clean the whole room. And so they're like, they're cleaning the toilet and then they're going and they're cleaning the cups. So she was like, she said, I'd rather someone take a shit in the kettle because you know not to touch the kettle, but you're using those coffee cups.

And she's like, and that is the same cloth that's been used. Think about it. I will tell you something, right? I already don't really like staying in hotels because I just want to be at home all the time. And I'm actually going to buy myself one of those because I saw Gerold's kettle. He has this kettle that's a flat pack. It flattens down and then he lifts it out and it's a kettle. So I'm going to get a kettle for our tour and I'm also going to get us two cups.

Gerold has his own shh, don't disturb me sign for a hotel door and he also has his own lock to lock himself into a hotel. And I was like, Groud, you've real notions about yourself, don't you? I said, who the fuck's going to break into your room? If anyone's getting broken into, it's me. Give me that thing now.

Oh my God, stop. I already don't like staying in hotels. We're going home. Actually, no, to be fair, I'm staying in a hotel this weekend. I'm going away. I'm working with my mom in Limerick and in Cork.

And I'm staying in a hotel and I actually can't wait. They've got the most amazing gym. I can't wait for a buffet breakfast. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was in to stay in a hotel in London recently. Great buffet, I have to say.

Great buffet. What are you doing with Sandra? What are you doing with Sandra? Excuse me? I'm working. It's for Mother's Day okay it was one thing you couldn't get involved in

right and you know what I'm doing I'm taking T away because I'm trying to do separate things take him away no one likes the magazine get him out of here

I'm trying to I'm trying to do separate things with the kids so I told T that I'd take him away with me and I was like and then another time

I'll take Gigi on her own and then I'll come too I was like well that's not really how it works. I just don't know how to get out of the house without because Gigi will be freaked if she sees me leaving her tea. Anyway, okay, Kettle Wanker.

Hey ghosty girlies. Oh no. Cut that. Oh I like that. Oh I love it. Sorry Elle. Do you want some? I'm a bitch. On the topic from last week regarding hotel kettles, I would be very cautious

using them as I worked with a fella who would wank into hotel kettles just because he could. I know people who also boil eggs in the kettle as well.

In summary, I think we need to de-centre communal public kettles from our lives. Thanks. What the f... Why would somebody

wank into a kettle? Because they can. I know, but I told you, this is what I told you about the bedspreads, the ones that don't get washed all the time. Oh God, they bring it.

There's a lot of stories about, and I know we might, I know we're still on the kettle chat, but there are people like lads who are hissing into kettles and all because they just couldn't be arsed

to find it in the toilet. Like, you know, anyway, listen, do you know what? Once it's boiled, everything's safe. I have the kind of medieval approach to health and safety. No, do you know what? I'm not.

I'm actually, I saw you using one this week and I thought, I don't know how she's going there. Now I'm looking at wanking into kettles and pissing in kettles. It's just, it's really not up my street.

Joanne loves a wanky kettle. That's just her thing. I do. I like a spicy tea. What can I say? Oh my God. I feel it adds to it. I feel it adds to it.

I feel it adds to it. And if you don't, I'd rather you sperm rather than that UHT milk. To kill it down. Oh my God, you're revolting. But that's actually a fair point. Yes, exactly. I don't lie. Autocorrect problems. Oh yeah, please. Hey V. But that's actually a fair point. Yes, exactly. I don't lie.

Autocorrect problems. Oh yeah, please. Hey Vogue and Joanne, love the pod. I keep having frequent autocorrect issues when emailing from my phone. It frequently changes my name when I'm typing Patrick. So I've regularly sent work emails signed off regards, ostrich. Fascinating. We have a male listener. I love it. Ostrich. Fascinating. We have a male listener.

I love it. Ostrich. A couple of weeks ago, I sent an email to my psychiatrist, which this time auto-corrected to Regards, Pathetic. The worst and most latest, I was messaging my work colleagues to tell them my Wi-Fi was down so I wouldn't be online. And accidentally sent, my wife has gone down on me so won't be online. That is hilarious. I hate that autocorrect crap.

I only get the ones when I'm trying to say fuck and it says duck the whole time. And then I do it again and it says duck again. Duck, duck, duck. My mum went to write on someone someone she knew died and so she wrote

you know the way they have these kind of RIP.E like pages that are dedicated to them and she meant to write condolences on your loss

and she left it up there for ages she'd written congratulations on your loss yeah congratulations he's out of your life

well done congratulations Samantha gone thanks guys thank you for that email Patrick that was quite funny it was Patrick

we enjoyed that we did enjoy it goodbye ostrich good luck which ostrich goodbye pathetic go suck off your wife

which is the tip hey guys I've been wanting to email the pod but I haven't felt like anything was worthy enough until this. We all know the eggplant emoji is accepted as a penis.

My two friends and wife got in a debate which was the actual tip. Oh. This is the stuff we like dealing with. Current affairs. Important stuff.

One said the stem bit was not the tip as that's where it would be attached. I agree. I think the stem bit was not the tip as there that would that's where it would be attached I agree I think the stem bit is the is the attachment

base no no no no I don't agree I think the girthy the fat bit is the base no I'd always have thought the top of the aubergine

was the top of the aubergine I'd rather take the top than the bottom have you seen the size of it have you seen the size of my mouth well able for it you wouldn't even notice it

but there's an owl between your mouth is there you're really great at that sometimes I walk around there's just

a carrot hanging in my teeth I don't even know what to say an owl trying to crawl out of your mouth it's been in

your stomach for years I've got Geppetto in the back there just in the back of my mouth Geppetto do you remember him

Geppetto oh was he Pinocchio's dad yeah he was why are you saying oh he didn't die not in the book anyway I'm sure he's dead now

I'm sure he's dead now well he's dead now jeez he's long gone now yeah my wife and other friend felt the stem was for sure the tip because the other part of the emoji

was too big and the condom would pop. Yeah, no, I am standing firm on my belief that the stem

is the tip. Well, here you go. My friend who agrees with me is a lawyer for a nurse. She went to work

on Monday taking a poll and we are in the minority. We are all appalled. I thought to myself the only people who could solve this would be Joanne and Vogue and I will accept the L. If you guys believe the stem in the tip. We are doing important

work. I mean it has to be said. So okay so you think the green bit is the tip. I think the other bit is the tip. Hold on. No no no. I think it starts I can't believe we're spending so long on this. I think it starts fat and it gets slim. But what about the bell end?

Hold on. I'm actually just going to look at it. I'm just going to bring it into my vision here. Don't worry, Kelly. We're really putting our best into this. I think this is important, actually. Listen to this bit. You listening? Yeah, yeah.

Fun fact, I'm an American and lived in Ireland for two years while completing my master's degree. I believe the biggest benefit I received from my degree was being able to understand you on. See, I think we sound the same. So do I. But I was having a massage the day by my lovely massage lady Julie and she's from Turkey and her husband is also from Turkey and she came up and she started laughing and she's like

I have to tell you, I have to tell you. I was like what? And she goes my husband and I were listening to your podcast in the car and he asked me why are they speaking like that? Does anybody understand them? Maybe he had us up at 1.5. I don't think so.

Maybe he accidentally had us up at 1.5. Do you know what? We speak cryptically, so men like him can't listen. That's what that is. Yeah, exactly. It's not something you want to hear. You're not invited.

Don't come to the tour. You're not invited. You're not invited to the podcast. Are you still looking for an aubergine? Hold on now. I'm just kind of getting locked in here. Hold on. Sorry, Kelly. We're really trying to figure out this aubergine? Hold on now, I'm just kind of getting locked in here. Sorry, Kelly, we're really trying to figure out this aubergine business for you.

I'm telling you, I think the purple bit at the end. It's very clear to me now that I've had a good look at it here. And it's very clear that the green bit is the tip. I disagree. It's pointing up like the base is clearly coming from a set of testes. The way even it's positioned. No, that's the bit that hangs on. And then you've got the bell end at the end so it's fatter.

I'm going to take off my glasses here and I'm going to look very close. No, no, no, no. I'd be taking the green bit now, I have to say. Well, sorry, Kat. Emma, which do you think is the tip? Emma's a lesbian so she won't even know. Yeah, she won't.

What's the tip? Exactly. The tip of the dick. Never seen one. Don't even know. Yeah, she won't. What's the tip? Exactly. The tip of the dick. Never seen one. Don't scare him out. That's amazing. God, I've seen a lot of dicks. None of them have really looked like that. I mean, how did the aubergine even kind of, how did that become its thing? Well, I'm really sorry, Kelly. We weren't able to sort out the tip for you. I think we did. I think we did actually. No, because you're not,

you're saying the green bit. I'm saying the other bit. Yeah, we have to agree to disagree there. We have to agree to disagree. I might get on to my doctor. I'll send my doctor a message. We don't share the same views

unfortunately on the aubergine. Excuse me, Dr. Foslow. We're quite divided. We're quite divided. thank you everybody for listening we've had a fantastic time and we loved talking about the aubergine

do send us more calendars Thank you.