My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Why I want to be alone..."

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Following the run of 3 BANANAS live shows in Cork, Vogue & Joanne get back to the email inbox to discuss dumping in document form and a disastrous date. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Polk Williams, and Joanne McNally, who's about to lose the plot. One of my favourite things is watching Joanne try to connect headphones to her laptop. is watching Joanne try to connect headphones to her laptop but it's it's

firstly I've had very little sleep I had a very I had a tiny party in my hotel room last night I am so glad I am so glad I knew you were going to

I knew you were going to do this I knew you were going to be smug about it I knew it do you know what it's only because I was brushing my teeth and taking my makeup off

I was like will I just pop in for a minute oh shut up if I'd popped in for a minute oh shut up if I'd popped in for a minute it would have been for hours

I know well you had your eye cover on what do you call it your eye patch my eye mask your eye mask and your little hearing aids

that you wear to sleep I was giving it socks in my hotel room so I'm operating at I think 7% mental capacity I'm just flagging that now So I'm operating at, I think, 7% mental capacity. I'm just flagging that now.

I would like to say, though, I think that you created more life experiences than I did last night. So I think it's important to put out there that you had a really good time and it was worth it. What did I gain? Nothing. I love the new spiritual you. I love this. We were actually, me and Vogue were getting

our hair and makeup done earlier today after I had an hour of sleep. And I was like I've had a really good time I had a really good time I had a really good time I don't regret anything I had a really good time I I really loved it I had a really good time I don't regret anything and one of the hairdressers like I really love this attitude you're right you shouldn't regret anything I was like I'm just saying this to myself so I believe it but it kind of started working then yeah me and Davina Devine spoke solidly at each other for I'd say the

guts of nine hours I'd say it was about nine hours it was a team bonding event ultimately that you didn't bother your hell coming to I know actually to be

honest it was very rude of me it was rude and Jo you weren't invited but that's on you yeah Jo you weren't invited obviously you're not a party

person Jo we know this you have a baby with you the cutest baby ever if we want to have a scone in the afternoon we'll invite you because that's your vibe but if we want to have a scone In the afternoon We'll invite you Because that's your vibe

But if we want to have A good time in the night You're not invited You'll bring the town down Is Joe like the bottom Then I'm the middle And then like At least you've got Davina now

She's kind of at the top She can Davina will take the hit For us at night A hundred percent Davina will Davina Devine is Sorry

Davina Devine opens We're Sorry Reboot Okay Vogue Vogue Williams and I Davina will Davina Devine is sorry Davina Devine opens we're in sorry reboot okay Vogue Vogue Williams and I are in

Cork City Cork you're not allowed to say it like that you have to say Cork no I actually I don't know if I can say Cork Cork you just did

I think it'll piss them off no you langer they love it Cork people love calling people langers and it's one of my new favourite words I don't know if it's a term of endearment or it's to make people feel people langers and it's one of my new favourite word I don't know if it's a term of endearment

or it's to make people feel bad about themselves it's like you douse isn't it it's like you it's like yeah I don't think it's real hatred

I think it's light jibing light light hatred yeah it's like go on you little wanker it's kind of affectionate wanker

wanker seems a little bit more harsh I like to call people a wank because I feel like that could be a positive or negative thing yeah and you're looking

at what they can give you in the future I like that you're like sizing them up you're like oh wank level six oh wank level two folks use

that's how folks use people they're wanking as a wank Davina's opening the show for us she's our special guest and she's fan

fucking tastic she's a-fucking-tastic. She's a drag act from Dublin. And yeah, we've just really bonded. Turns out my social circle, I didn't realise my social circle was missing an incredibly tall drag queen with a great voice and a great rock. I kind of take offence to that

because I'm pretty much the same person as Davina or whatever. You don't walk around with a wind machine in your pocket, Vogue. You're not the same as Davina every time Davina comes out I'm like where did you get those boots

send me that link to those boots she has these really I don't know where I'd wear them these thigh high gold boots they're amazing amazing like where would I be off to in them but I don't care

it's like something that I could wear to the co-op around the corner I don't care actually one of the things I really respect about you Vogue is you do get wear out your clothes like you come into the podcast

and you're dressed. Do you know what I mean? You've made an effort. You have a bit of leg on show. Doesn't she, Jo? We've got like yogurt down our front. Yeah, we're covered in moths. Yeah.

But Vogue, you wear your clothes. You could wear those boots to the pod if you wanted to. I might actually wear them to the pod. Or you could wear them to Jungle Music. What's that place you go to with the kids? Monkey Music. Monkey Music. Yeah.

I think they would be very much respected there. The only thing is I know if she gets her eyes, if she clocks those gold boots, she is going to want a pair of gold thigh-high boots. Monkey Music is just the place for a slaggy mum

to spend an afternoon. I'd actually love... Be the slaggy mum at Monkey Music. Go on, give them something to talk about. I'm too much other stuff so I try to like...

I just really hope and pray that none of the moms listen to this podcast because they'll think less of me why ah come on some of the stuff i come out but i was just talking about calling people a wank you know what i mean like that's not being a grown-up i'm 37 i shouldn't call people wanks i could not agree more yeah i don't really want to go into quark too much because i think it's a very long conversation and i think that we need to we need to talk about it on the main app well tonight's our last night

and it's the biggest room we've ever done it's I think it's 4,000 oh she's going to talk about Quirk okay you're not the boss of me Vogue okay

I'll tell you what I am the boss today I feel bossy today yeah she's all sass today it wouldn't cross me now wouldn't cross me today I'd never cross you

you're absolutely terrifying but anyway it's like you're in Newcastle was it Newcastle? no Glasgow Glasgow yeah I was pretty scared of you there what happened in Glasgow?

you were just you just were having a rage I was on one oh yeah sorry I was yeah yeah yeah my Mercury is in retrograde

yeah Mercury's always in retrograde. There's always something going on. I don't even know what that means. I just say it as an excuse to be insane. I think I'm going to speak to my girl Penny who does the tarot cards and stuff. I just need to know what's coming up in my life.

I'm sick of getting surprised. I'm actually, because I'm at a period of exploration in my life, I'm open to believing in that shit now good I think so you're 40 now you've got to start

believing everything got to start believing something the afterlife is looking me down the eyes yeah I need to go somewhere the grim reaper is knocking on your door

I heard him last night he tried to get in in the lift he was up for the sesh he was like come here he's like if you stay up for an hour more

I'm fucking taking you into the ground you're on I was like okay sorry sorry sorry, sorry. Okay, sorry. You're taking it too far. You're taking the absolute piss out of me. I'm getting rid of you.

Yeah. He's like, are you taking the piss now? It's been two years, Joanne. You've slept for three hours collectively. Come on now. You're taking the piss. Yeah, but you're very good at napping. I feel like you eat really well.

Like, it's all about balance, isn't it? It's all about balance, as they? It's all about balance as they say yes balance is key and I have my inflatable lilo in the venue that I lie down on. Are you going to lie down on that tonight? Treat us to that? She just goes in and scrolls. I just need a bit of quiet time you know I get the odd text offer. It's very busy backstage

it's a big show now there's a lot of people mincing around there isn't there? They actually. I just get a bit of quiet time. They have catering back there and it is amazing. Catering. Honestly. Oh, I was talking to one of the girls and supposedly Walt Stewart doesn't really demand

anything. I thought he'd be a huge diva. Supposedly he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't ask for anything in particular. He's really chill. He's really sound to everyone. Just wants a glass of pinot red whatever get pissed responsibly girls just if you are going to yeah you know

stick with me but yeah apparently he eats really really well he's like chicken and like poached chickens and salmons and well he has the body of a teenage boy in fairness he's obviously doing something why were you trying to find out information too? We're both as nosy as each other Of course I was

Listen you're not the only one with contacts backstage Vogue Oh my god I'll tell you what Gareth Brooks Where do you think I am when you're having your hair tongued for three hours a day?

I'm out mixing with the people trying to find out information Joanne Joanne swore to me she's like you won't do hair and makeup every time every time we do the show now I don't

but I am partial to a blowy you know I love a blowy. You know I love a blowy in all sense of the word. Hello, Joanne and Vogue and show. Goes without saying, I love the pod so much and think I've listened so much, my internal monologue is getting an Irish accent. Here's the story. For context, I'm currently,

I think I'm getting a Ck accent, by the way, from being down here. I want one so bad, you langer! For context, I'm currently working in Paris as part of my university course and up to the French practice, decided to try my hand at dating a French man. All was going great,

if not slightly love-bombingly great, such as buying me and my housemates tickets to Harry Styles. God, I love Harry Styles. And we became official much too soon and early on. But when in Paris, hey, decided to see some red flags and pink through my rose-tinted glasses. Until the last couple of weeks, he completely drew back and would ignore my messages for the day. Oh no! And stop proposing plans. I hate when that happens

isn't that the worst and you know you're going down the tubes and there's no you're trying to climb back up I know it's awful you're like one minute they're shining this big light on you and the next minute it's switched off and you're cold shaking naked in the dark we've all been that soldier you're like look at me love me love me

look at me and the more you beg the more pathetic you sound and then they leave anyway oh god sorry finish the email sorry maybe it ends well yeah unfortunately

and he had a complete change of mind and now we're engaged no I don't think that's what's going on I'm not good at being mysterious so I decided to confront him on what was going on wine was involved

after days of him avoiding the question and a few too many drunken exchanges he tells me on text that he doesn't know how to be in a relationship and i say okay if it's over let's speak on the phone because all of this was on text five minutes later he sends me this pdf entitled why oh oh no can you see this no so there is a picture at the top it says timeline why I want to be alone then it goes down

one I don't know how to be in a relationship and there's like a little road two our personalities don't match personality he actually made a typo

three you crampettes everything what you crampettes I don't know what that means this guy's an idiot you cramp

oh my god I see sorry I have the PowerPoint presentation open now. Oh my god. Four, I need to be alone. Five, I don't want to be toxic and to break your heart. Well now, I mean, it's very unusual.

But I enjoy organisation, as you know. It's succinct. It's to the point. You're not getting ghosted. There's a nice design in it. What's crampets everything mean crampets I don't know

what's crampets Jo can you look up what crampets everything means because that sounds quite cruel our personalities don't match I mean to be honest

all you need is one of them really it's a mismatch yeah like you'll say I don't want to be toxic and to break your heart thanks bye you're just

the problem is there's no real right way of doing it. There really isn't. You know what? You can't ever dump somebody and like, there's never a right way.

Happy. They'll always think you're a wanker. Do you know what I mean? It'll always be like, they'll feel, not always, but like usually it's like

anger, rejection, rage. Well, that's true. I'm thinking back to a dumping of mine and yes, I do still think he's a wanker. Exactly. I feel that quite deeply as well. It's not just like, oh, he's a wanker. I do still think he's a wanker exactly I feel that quite deeply as well

it's not just like oh he's a wanker I'm like you're a wanker like it's quite deep yeah I know because you feel rejected and you're annoyed about it yeah don't you reject me

piece of shit I know I mean he's obviously a bit weird if he spends his time making up these shy doodles and that was desperate

wherever he made that I don't know Theodore could do know. It's like clip art. It's not exactly it's not very pleasing to the eye. The aesthetics aren't great. I think the cramp test thing I think it's something to do with overthinking things.

Oh so he gave her a couple of like diplomatic answers like it's not you it's me and then went it's you! In the middle. It's like when you get a dirty insult disguised in a compliment. in the middle it's like when you get a dirty insult you overthink things disguised in a compliment that annoys me him saying you overthink things

it was probably because she was like what's going on like you've kind of pulled away and he's like oh for fuck's sake you overthink everything

but actually she was right and I feel like you're going to look back on that and be like God what a loser I had one of those lads who I was going out with and he was

I knew he was up to something and I was like what you're up to something and he was like what you're up to something he's like oh my god you're so jealous but she turns out he was buying a half a Dublin so I was crampetting

but I was right to crampet do you know what I mean yeah sometimes that you are right I'm actually no I am annoyed I am annoyed yeah you are annoyed

yeah no no hold on to that grudge hold it hold it if there's anything I'm good at it's holding your grudge it's just something like I have bags full of them suction bags that's where your grudge it's just something like I have bags

full of them suction bags it's where your arms are so tall the majority of you is held grudges I have a big attic in Ireland

and it's just stuffed full of grudges I love it up there squatting an attitude problem fuck you yeah I remember that from when I was seven

don't bother about him you kind of have to if they're there that's what he thinks that's what he thinks. I honestly think the PowerPoint presentation, I've seen worse ways of getting broken up with. That's interesting. What was your worst

breakup? Mine was the ghosting, I think. Oh, mine was... I've had several. One time a guy broke up with me. It was so bizarre. We were at a little house party and it was in front of all our friends and before I knew it, he was...

Do you know when you're kind of like... You're kind of refocusing on the conversation. Like, sorry, are you breaking up? I was just completely blindsided by it. And he was saying, and his reasons to me were he wanted to train for a marathon what

like the truth is you know he just didn't want to be with me you know he had to come up with a way out but I knew that the marathon thing was bullshit but you kind of just

you have to let them have it you just have to let them you won't want their excuse but anyway I left the house this was the guy do you remember I told you about this guy this is what my first

stand up story was about I called him Paykel and it was the reason do you remember I told you about this guy this is what my first stand up story was about I called him Paykel and it was the reason it was how I got into stand up was this telling the story about this guy who broke up with me this bald guy

the joke was like you think this conversation sounds like you think you've got a full head of hair something like that I can't remember that was like my first story

that I did because again I was full of rage but absolutely full I'm training for a marathon I can't be with you oh yeah it was bullshit

like you just didn't want you just didn't want to inch I mean that's fine but I I think sometimes people break up with you and you you're not

I wasn't that invested to be honest I was just kind of going with the flow like I liked him but it was when he broke up with me it was almost relief I was like grand

I don't have to get involved there now I can just leave it do you know what I mean do you remember when you were younger and people would dump you and you'd be like but I just got have to get involved there now I can just leave it do you know what I mean do you remember when you were younger and people would dump you and be like

but I just got that fucker a Christmas present and you'd be raging about spending 20 quid on their Christmas present I miss the glory days where your friend could break up

with your boyfriend for you I mean that they were the glory days they were the best days that's not juvenile I think that is a really efficient

way of communicating a breakup yeah I think anyone else getting involved yeah a friend would have, anyone else getting involved? Yeah, a friend would have like less emotion so we'd be able to explain the situation better. A stranger would just come up to you, you'd be sitting on the basketball court

and they'd be like, is your name Joanne? You'd be like, yeah, you're dumped. You'd be like, oh my God. It was so brutal. But like that was it then. There was no going back. You just had to suck it up. I remember though,

I remember though, like in Irish college and you'd be standing there with your friends and their mate would come over and you could see them looking at the mate dumping you Irish college and you'd be standing there at your friends and their mate would come over and you could see them looking at the mate dumping you for them and be like

yeah whatever all is fair in love and war this is true I made that sign up did you yeah I coined that term

all is fair in love and war then you die yeah I coined that too okay you coined it did you I'm a lyrical I'm a lyrical I'm a lyrical genius Dancer

A lyrical genius If anyone's been to the show You'll know where I'm coming from right Good girls Sex on the beach I coined that as well I actually did Barbie girl

I coined a bird in the hands Where two in the bush Just in case you're asking Add that to my wiki Jo will you Add that to my wiki Six and a half dozen, I made that up. I made up

a glory worm gathers no moss. That's what I made up. A very famous saying. I made up there's great drying out. I made that up. I invented the long stretch.

That's what I invented in the evening. I invented that. Okay, it's very close. I made that up. The happy birthday song. I wrote that. Joe, are you hacking into my Wikipedia page? Because there's some

real weird shit coming up on that at the moment. It sounds like it's you. No, nothing to do with me, mate. I haven't touched it. Okay. I invented Santa Claus. Anyway, next on... Next on the list. I think I invented Christianity, but anyway, go on. It was an accident.

I didn't mean to. It just doesn't matter. It was a long... Wasn't your dad Jesus Christ? I heard a rumour that your dad was Jesus Christ. Shut up. Is that true?

He was, but I don't want people to know. I don't want them to know I'm a nepo baby. I just want to live my life. Get work off my own bat you know what I mean absolutely hi Vogue hi Duran I went out on a date a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those where you walk in and know it's not a goer not so yeah we sorry we were

literally just talking about this earlier it's yeah I bet even so basically it was the photo was him on his best day but like the thing that's what we were talking about it's like well just put up one that you look like yourself like I mean if we put one up today after having our hair and makeup done

and then showed up another day they'd be like who are you I know but there's catfish like you I mean there's catfishing

you can do a little pussy fishing I think you can do a little a little bit like a mini catfish I can't bear that word I mean pussy is in word. But I mean pussy as in the meow tradition. I mean like,

not as big as catfishing, but like a little pussy fish. I don't mean, I don't mean, yeah, I mean like, you know, best version of yourself,

like a Paris filter, not a new nose. Pussy fish, a little pussy fishing. Pussy fishing, though, pussy fishing. Okay,

she won't stop. She won't stop with the word. Moist, moist. No, I'm joking. We're better than this. I couldn't

be rude, so we got some drinks and sat in the garden, chatted for about half an hour and he was nice, but I was getting ready to call it a night. He went to the toilet and I gathered my bits to leave, or so I thought. On the way back to the table, he turned his ankle on a paving slab and stacked it.

He was howling in pain one two skip a few and i'm driving to any oh no oh no i dropped him to the waiting room thinking i'd leave but asked to keep him ah come on i wouldn't even ask my mom to keep me company in there you could be in there for seven or eight hours this this sounds like something out of how to uh how to fail her to launch you know that film with Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey

and she fakes all these dramatic situations to kind of bring them closer together this is what this sounds like kind of yeah he ended up on gas on air and told me he loved me

and that I was so beautiful that our children would be perfect oh no I fucked off when they took him away to x-ray oh no I feel sorry for perfect oh no I fucked off when they took him away to x-ray oh no

I feel sorry for him oh no read the room man do you know what I mean like I think you can tell when someone's into you you can just tell

you can feel it it's like it's the chemistry you can feel it frizzing between the two of you if it's not there I'll tell you what I just recorded a pod

with Sven I was like stop being so full on oh god he really doesn't hide his feelings does he no I'll tell you what, I just recorded a pod with Sven. I was like, stop being so full on. God, he really doesn't hide his feelings, does he? No,

he doesn't. He's very kind at times, but like, we like a bit of... It's a lot of sexual energy to be around, I'll be honest. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. That's why we like to get you involved at times, isn't that right, Joanne? Well, I mean,

it's literally, I'm like, I have to get involved. I can't just sit here watching it happen. I think it would be weird if I'm like, I have to get involved. I can't just sit here watching it happen. I think it would be weird if you just sat there and did nothing. Exactly. I'd throw a hand in there.

Kind friend. Pat your head, whatever. She comes in with a little face cloth and starts dabbing my brow for me. Keep going, Vogue. You're doing great. I know your thighs are burning. Keep going. You're doing great, babe.

Come on on Vogue you're almost there love come on that was the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes To Me with me Gerard McNally and her Vogue Williams

we'll see you next week will we probably we will we will We will. Thank you.