My Therapist Ghosted Me - Mummy's Mouse, Nepo Babies & Crocs

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

This week Gigi is obsessed with Mummy's mouse, Joanne's after a discount and a blue plaque from Brown Thomas after becoming a woman there, the girls are too wrecked to ride, we're chatting nepo babies, deinfluencing crocs and the fella found breastfeeding at his own wedding.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally, and her, Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. Vogue Willie Williams. Vogue Will. Vogue Williams. Vogue Willie Williams. Vogue Will Wills. Show Joanne what you got. Show her.

Oh, no, she's holding it. Show her. It's a little mouse, Joanne. What is it? Show her. Just show Joanne. Show the picture. Show me the mouse. Show me the mouse.

Oh, Gigi, you're not putting yourself in a good place here. Come on, Gigi. Gigi. Show Mama or I'm going to take it back picture show me the mouse show me the mouse oh Gigi you're not putting yourself in a good place come on Gigi Gigi show mama or I'm going to take it back show me the mouse that's mummy's mouse that's a special mouse

for mummy well Gigi came and asked me why I had two mouses on the table and I said because I have a sick tummy and so she now has a sick tummy

so she also has a mouse tummy so she also has a mouse how is she just pulling tampons out of it where is she getting them from I didn't get my period I know we spoke about I didn't get mine till I was 16 I was desperate for it what I didn't know late bloomer I'm still waiting for the boobs to come through very late bloomer I was 12 I think I was 12 when you got your period you lucky bitch yeah I would have loved that but even I was 12 I think I was 12 12 when you got your period you lucky bitch I would have loved that but even I was

kind of late of the later ones in my class I remember it was Christmas my mum used to take me into town every Christmas

for like to do a shop and she used to let me take the day off school and it was very exciting and I got my period in Brown Thomas

on Grafton Street. Oh wow. I know. If I get really famous I'll make them put a plaque up there. Joanne first ovulated in Brown Thomas. Menstruated. Menstruated. That's the word. Joanne McNally's first

menstrual happened here. Brown Thomas on Grafton Street. I mean surely I should get a discount in that place still paying full whack for everything very hard to get a discount there now my mum Sandra goes and asks for one

at the counter she asks for a discount the cheek of her she asks for one at Dunn's as well anywhere she thinks she might get it do you have a 10% there

the coupons flowing out of her bag but like I became a woman in Brown Thomas on Graffin Street and they still won't give me a discount. I wouldn't ask for a discount. It embarrasses me so much.

Now, I would have said I wouldn't have asked for a discount, but we were skiing. I wasn't even paying the bill, by the way. So I'd lost Spencer's ski goggles. I lost his ski goggles. So then we were going to get him a new pair, but he ended up buying himself a pair and me a pair. So I did very well out of the deal. But because there was two pairs, I was like, and now what's the were going to get him a new pair but he ended up buying himself a pair and me a pair so I did very well out of the deal but because there was two pairs I was like and

now what's the discount gonna be? That's because you're a mother that's what happens when you turn into a mum. The price of these I want 10% off at least. What's with the cardigan gym combo? Well, Joanne, I was at an event today. What was the event? A sporting knitting event? A sporting knitting kind. I work at a brand called Child's Farm and I was talking for four hours about sleep.

Can you imagine? I've had a fun, one of the best days, one of the best days of my whole life was today. I'm so glad that you finally found an outlet to bore people to tears. And so you'll take it away from our podcast. I am thrilled. I actually organized that for you. Do you know that? You got me this latest glove. How kind of you. I set it up. I set it up. I was like, please God. Emma, do you think I talk a lot about sleep do I do it on the other part as well yes ma'am oh yeah okay no it's a pizza no it's a pro it's a problem like I put it up there with my drinking to be honest well I did it needs to be addressed but it won't go on. It's not sustainable. It may not be sustainable,

but it will continue for as long as I can handle it. Exactly. As will my drinking. I'm glad we've agreed. I have to say though, I understand where you're coming from sometimes because I am not a big drinker, as we all know. But since we've been doing the shows,

I'm like, I have to. I'm so, like, I have to have a drink before I go on I tried the decaf tea didn't work welcome to my world also just to say I ham off the drinking I don't drink half as much as I make out she drinks treble that I do someone needs to say it every time I on, I assume it's going to be an intervention. I'm like, where's my mum? Oh, it's just Vogue again. Fine. Oh, yeah.

Another day's peace. I'm strapped to a gurney and wheeled off to a desert. Will you look after yourself now, Joanne? You have a lot on this week. Will you look after yourself? That's what I said to her on Sunday. I was like, now go home and go to bed, won't you?

You'll go to bed. And don't get up too early tomorrow. I know. No, no, no. I have a lot on this week will you look after yourself that's what I said to her on Sunday I was like now go home and go to bed won't you you'll go to bed and don't get up too early tomorrow I know no no no I have a lot on this week mother of God did you have any nice snoozes

what time like you snooze for a long time today I did I was I slept through I slept till half eleven today sorry

stop trying to trick me into talking about sleep I see what you're doing okay I'm just inquiring I'd like to know how many hours sleep you on average get a night that's the only question I'll ever ask. I'm just inquiring. I'd like to know how many hours sleep you on average get a night.

That's the only question I'll ever ask. No, I'm not talking about it. On average. Come on. Come on. It's so boring. I will nod off again

mid conversation. Is it six or is it eight? I need to know which bracket you're in. I honestly couldn't tell you. So like say last night I got in at about half 12. I was in Vicar Street

last night half twelve I'd say I sat on the couch watched an episode of Succession had a white Russian I need to watch that

and two bags of sour cream and onion pop chips I was in bed by a quarter to two I'd never see a quarter to two two fights with Alan brushed my teeth

I would say I was asleep sour cream pop chips before bed like that's just insulting he's still trying to ride me and I'm still trying to get out of it because I'm wrecked

so there was a bit of a fight about that Joanne I know we joke about it all the time and it sounds really bad I'm not joking no neither am I

but like I know it sounds really bad and I feel really bad about it but I got over yesterday and I was like god me I'm not sexing ages because I got over yesterday and I was like, God, we haven't had sex in ages because I've been away. And I was like, it has to happen tonight because I'll be too tired tomorrow night.

I'm anticipating it. I was like, I have to do it. So I kind of came out and he was like, oh, hi, darling. And I was literally just, I actually was like, I'm really not in the mood, but I know we have to because I'm going away, so I will. Yeah. I'm prepared to do it now. Bring me my cigarettes and a drink, please. But like, the thing is like I get in last night,

I'm fucking mad. Do you know what I mean? I know. I'm just doing a vicar. I mean, he's like, where are your, where, where's the sexy underwear? I'm in bed in that onesie that Pringles sent me in. Like it's a full head to toe onesie. Joanne, that's a bit unacceptable. Like that's like, even, even I wouldn't, no, even I wouldn't do that. Just get yourself like matching pajamas is one thing, but not a Pringles onesie. Come on. Okay. Well, here we go. Pringles onesie. Come on. What? Okay. A Pringles onesie while she stinks of sour cream and onion as well. I'll say this. I'll say to you what I said to him. If you want me naked in bed

put the fucking heating on. It's absolutely freezing. I've just done a show. You've done nothing. I don't want to put in a sexual shift after Vicar Street. I'm wrecked. If you want me naked in the bed, fine. Put the fucking heating on.

And that's how the evening ended. Did you not have to have sex? Got out of it. You lucky bitch. But you know it's just to land the inevitable. You have to do it tonight. See, I don't have to do it tonight. I'm done.

I've paid my dues. I'm going to try and throw in. He's driving me into Vicar, so I'll throw in a quick handjob in the car and hopefully that'll get me out of it. Oh God, that's even worse for me. Honestly, I'd rather not have to do that. I'm going to try and throw in he's driving me into Vicar so I'll throw in a quick handjob in the car and hopefully that'll get me out of it oh god that's even worse for me honestly I'd rather not

have to do that I can't that's my worst handjobs I'd rather it's grand because you can use your left hand

and then you can still be on your phone with your right I will say though after a long day's work and a show and driving back to Enniscarry and two bags of pop chips and a white Russian

there's nothing I want less than a ride and I'll be honest with you I get a bit car sick on the way back to Houth as well probably because I'm non-stop looking at my phone but I don't want

I'll start faking that yeah I know yeah car sickness is a good one to be honest motion sickness I've got a bit of motion sickness I can't want I'll start faking that yeah I know yeah car sickness is a good one to be honest motion sickness I've got a bit of motion sickness I can't do more motion

what's wrong with us we're just busy at the moment once we're not busy Joanne when we get I'm going to do a layer of tan while I'm in Dublin and I'm going to come back

on fire on Sunday I used to be a bit of a I was a bit of a sex pest I know but you've been with Alan for a certain period of time sex pestiness goes away now I will tell you and I've told you this before pop on a pair of a sex pest. I know, but you've been one on for a certain period of time. Sex pestiness goes away.

Now I will tell you, and I've told you this before, pop on a pair of knee-high boots, right? And nothing else. You'll be delighted with yourself. It transforms the whole situation. Okay? I'll be delighted with myself, but I doubt I'll let him get involved.

I'll just be trotting around the garden. Taking selfies. Look at me! They do wonders for the odd legs so actually speaking of sex pests I am going to Dublin tomorrow so we're recording this early

the pod comes out Friday I'm going to Dublin tomorrow and I'm having a real like I actually couldn't sleep last night because I'm so anxious about recording this early the pod comes out Friday I'm going to Dublin tomorrow and I'm having a real like I actually couldn't sleep last night because I'm so anxious about making this decision

so I might not take Otto home with me tomorrow because I have loads of work on during the day like about four hours of work but I feel really guilty because I have not been child free in nearly five years

like would you not sorry she doesn't she does vomit in her mouth I just felt sick there speaking of children yeah um I would find look look I don't know I'm not a mother um but the idea of not having a child like I'm so used to my own time now the thought that I wouldn't have ever had that in five years

kind of blows my mind I know nearly five years but like I'm so anxious about doing it that I don't know if I'm going to do it

I still haven't taken him off my booking on the flight because I just feel like I might really miss having at least one child oh okay because they're kind of

like a comfort they're like a they're like a therapy dog now they're like my security blanket. Like last night I couldn't sleep and Gigi woke up at 11 o'clock and I was thrilled she came into our room because then I just like snuggled up and fell asleep.

Yeah. It's your thing now. Vogue Williams, mother of 12. I know, yeah. Until they all vacate and leave me. Oh my God. Wait till they go to college or wherever they go. I'm going to have such a they go. I'm going to have

such a cool house. I'm going to make sure I'm going to get everything they love and they'll never leave. Empty nest syndrome. Yeah. You're going to be like

Barbra Streisand. Yeah. Barbra Streisand has built a supermarket or a shopping centre in her basement. So, because she doesn't know

what it's like to shop like a normal person because she's too famous and you know what she does is that true yeah you're very Barbra Streisand she clones her dog

so she's had the same dog for 33 years that's what she'll be like with your kids oh my god you just keep cloning them into babies yeah

that's kind of bizarre you could look into like yeah I don't know looking after other people's kids I'll probably become a nanny then maybe I think you should drop kick those kids.

Leave your fucking, go on your own. Come meet me. I don't have time. I've actually got so much work that I wouldn't have time to do anything else anyway. And I think I'm just being greedy to have a couple of hours with them a day. Your tits need a rest.

I've seen them. They're hanging on by the skin of their teeth. They are fucking, well, I tell you what, I'm starting to stop breastfeeding. I'm done. No more pumping, Joanne. Oh my God god I can't listen to that thing anymore it's like every time it's like hanging around with someone with dialysis she's just the noise off that machine it's relentless I know and I have to say I'm absolutely thrilled about no more pumping but I did see this thing in the paper, right? These women are selling

their breast milk to like bodybuilder men who think that like it's liquid gold and it's really helping with the build muscles and stuff. There's actually an industry in selling your breast milk. Yeah, I can see that. I could understand that. People sell organs and sperm. What's the difference? You know what you're talking about people selling their breast milk. Can you imagine the money you'd make for yours? Yours is the most free range, organic, royalty adjacent breast milk. Free range breast milk. It would come with one of those wax seals on the bottle. Yeah. I actually have

200 ounces saved. 200 ounces in the freezer. You need to invest that into crypto. And also, one more story that I saw on breastfeeding because I am stopping this week and this is why I've been looking into breastfeeding bits.

This woman, right, it was on Ladbible. Was it on Ladbible? Let me find it. I want to find the actual thing. Let's see. I will also say,

while you're looking for that, you've breastfed those kids for so long. Gigi's going to go from eating breast to eating a scallop. Like, where's the mid-range growth? They should go from breast to mushy peas. I know. Not breast to a sandwich.

Do you know what I mean? You've breastfed them too long now. It's when Amber does it and she did it with Gigi because I went to nine months with Gigi and Amber just like, when are you going to get her off the tip? And she started doing that now with Otto. So anyway, a bride was stunned

after discovering her groom being breastfed by his mother before the wedding. I think no harm. That is a man being breastfed by his mother. Vogue, do you think you're any different to that? Theodore is walking around. I am not

breastfeeding Theodore. It's Otto. That's not true. I know you're breastfeeding Theodore because I saw him wearing a gum shield the other day and I was like, I know why he's wearing that. Because he's going to bite her nipple right off. You can pretend all you want to the podcast. I've seen what you do in that house. It's disgusting and unnatural.

Okay, we're going to do this with each other. Fine. Okay, fine. Joanne smokes 20 cigarettes a day. That's why she sounds like that. I smoke them with my own mouth I don't have a child sucking my tits off me

I I do I do not breastfeed Theodore you absolute sick bitch you absolutely do Joanne

breastfed off me the other night because she was feeling anxious and may I say I found it very soothing I've no regrets the amount of people who sent me that story about the groom getting breastfed like And may I say, I found it very soothing. I've no regrets. The amount of people who sent me that story about the groom getting breastfed,

like if I had a penny, I would literally retire tomorrow. I love, I love the way the listeners send us stuff that they think will be good on the pod because it's actually the perfect stuff to discuss on the pod. And they're dead right. They nail it every time. But when I heard it, I was like, you know what? He's getting married. So it's like One for the road

Last round on the tit From his mother He won't be doing it again That's what I sensed And also Do you know what I said I said to me I was like

Breast milk is good for the bones Can you imagine the bone Around that lad On his wedding night That's what you have to think about Oh disgusting Calcium flowing through his veins You'll have an erection

The size of the Eiffel Tower That's why she's doing it. His mum is doing him a solid. Absolutely horrific. One for the road. I'm sorry, but you couldn't marry somebody. If you saw somebody doing that, you could not physically marry them. It's unacceptable.

No way. I mean. Which is worse? Okay. Would you rather? Yeah. Would you rather marry a man with a really hot ex-wife to the point where you just literally could not compete,

who you think he might still, and they were still really good friends. Revolting. Or marry a man with no ex, no previous baggage, but gets the odd breastfeed of his mother. Obviously, I'm going to go for the hot ex

because I think the breastfeeding thing is so revolting. But what's even worse is I know you're going to go for the breastfeeding when you're sick, bitch. Of course,

I hate competition. I just, I feel like Once his mom's not a looker I'd be like rats I can't stop chewing this tampon Now that Gigi's given me Mummy's mouse

Mummy's mouse For your sick tum tum Mummy's mouse has gone inside her Please don't ask about mummy's mouse anymore Do you ask before Because's mouse has gone inside her please don't ask about Mummy's mouse anymore Tia asked before because I just come I just come out of the toilet

I was getting dressed and he was like what is that rope? I was like oh I don't know it must be a bit of tissue you should have got him to pull it

and then put your arms up in the air like a puppet anyway talking about You should have got him to pull it and then put your arms up in the air like a puppet. Anyway, talking about people who are rides, did you see that thing Suki Waterhouse said that when you're the one that's heartbroken, it's pretty woof. She's pretty woof woof.

It's pretty woof. Woof! She's still breastfeeding. She's got all cutesies. Woofy woofy. Suki Waterhouse has revealed a colossal heartbreak in her 20s which is Bradley Cooper led to depressing comparisons with ex-partner's beautiful new girlfriend now when I say whenever we talk about like imagine breaking up somebody and they got with someone else when I think of the worst person they could get with it's Irina arena shake and that's who he got with she is like so i don't care how she's perfection i would not hang out with her and poor suki but i love that

who's also a ride by the way gorgeous i love that she came out and said that because you know what that happens all the time but then when you have an ex and they go out with somebody that you don't think is as good looking as you it's like it's like winning the lottery I know it's parade time

you're like on a blimp sailing through the city I know it's Mardi Gras we're so superficial yeah yeah yeah you're like letting off cannons in the garden and all

and they didn't dump you for how you looked they dumped you because you were a psychopath yes we are it's not how I look it's my personality but I actually thought

when you sent me that I was like how human of her because sometimes with celebrities you kind of just if you think about it you know that they must struggle

because their breakups are so public and then their partners move on and it's so public and everyone's so gorgeous and you're supposed to just say nothing

and pretend you don't care and Suki's quite young I know but Irina's young she was quite young she was younger than him wasn't she so I think she was kind of suggesting

it was like her first big breakup and I mean look you all want to rise above it and be like, oh, love and light. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, she's with your man now.

What's his name? Batman. Robert Pattinson. Not bad. I would say, I would say slightly step down from Bradley Cooper, but Bradley Cooper is such a ride.

Unless you're in a coma, you're going to care who your ex moves on with. You're going to have, you're going to have an opinion. Do ex moves on you're gonna have you're gonna have an opinion do you know what I mean you're gonna have an opinion unless you're in a vegetative state

yeah you will always have an opinion of course you are you'd nearly not break up with somebody for ages it's like oh god no I'm not I couldn't take

if they got with somebody somebody else now I couldn't take it I know that's why a lot of I think that's why a lot of relationships dribble on because you're like I don't know if I really want them anymore but I'm not ready for them to be with someone else so basically we're all gaslighting each other but

ultimately exactly it I just thought it was quite human of Suki to come out with that and that they're still together that's another thing as well when you when you break up with someone and then the next person they move on with is super hot and then they stay together. You're like, what the fuck was I? Chopped liver? I know. Well, no, they broke up in fairness

and now I think that they're back together. They're back together. Yeah. No, yeah, but they did break up for a while so she was probably thrilled for a while

and now they're back together. They did because he had some sort of situationship with Lady Gaga and no one will convince me otherwise yeah you're

I don't know I don't know because again I'm like Irina Shayk Irina Shayk like come on they were dry riding

on that piano with that events thing she is like god level Irina Shayk but they're all all those model-y celebrity people

are god level ultimately end of the day you want your relationship to break down and you want your ex to move on with someone all those model-y celebrity people are God level. Ultimately, end of the day, you want your relationship to break down and you want your ex to move on with someone

like a munter. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody that is like at least that is a two. If you're, even if you're a four,

you're happy with a two. And that's just us being juvenile petty but human. Yeah. If there are still feelings involved. If there's no feelings involved, you don't care. You're like, I'll power to them. He's with Gwen and Paltrow, fair play to him. But if there are still feelings involved if there's no feelings involved

you don't care you're like I'll power to them he's with Gwen and Paul fair play to him but if there's feelings involved that makes me move on

to our top my topic I wanted to talk about Joanne oh god okay go on Nepo babies there's been so much in the paper about to talk about, Joanne. Oh God, okay, go on. Napa babies. There's been so much

in the paper about Napa babies and Joanne and I spoke about this and we kind of love a Napa baby. Like, some of them. I respect them. I would. Not all of them,

not all of them. I would kill to be a Napa baby. Like, do you think if I was Jerry Seinfeld's daughter, I would have been doing 10 minutes in Shiteshire in England. Do you know what I mean? For free. With a, I would have been doing 10 minutes in Shiteshire in England?

Do you know what I mean? For free with a two hour train journey up and a six hour train journey down. No, I wouldn't have. I would have got to skip all that. That is a thing about Nepo babies. And that's why I think people that aren't a Nepo baby are getting annoyed with the Nepo babies because they haven't had to do the shit. You know, like the free jobs, like the being like holding drinks at at a, at a, at a drink thing for hours on end until your wrist feels like it's going to break. And then you get fired anyway and don't get paid. That

happened to me. I think, well, yeah, I mean, you were like, I'm not being bad, but your career would suggest you were dead. You were the opposite of a nepo baby. Oh, that is true. Cause of all the shit I've had to do standing in the snow in a bikini and such all that jazz yeah we go into some of it in our live show but Evoke has had

an eclectic past a very eclectic past and I've tried my best at each and every opportunity that's been sent my way this is the thing so we have to just

we cannot say that Nepo babies are not talented I won't say that because a Nepo baby will get an easy entrance. They'll have an easier path, but ultimately they have to be able to do the job. And also I do think it's unfair. Like NEPO babies are, you can kind of assume that they know what they're

doing because usually talent travels down. So if your mother's Barbara Windsor, the chances are you've inherited some of that ability. But I can understand if you've two people with equal talent, equal ability, and one has like an easy access into the industry and the other one doesn't I can understand the rage towards

the Nepo babies but I just wish I just wish I wasn't that's all I'm saying I know I would quite like to be one too but what's her name

Jamie Lee Curtis was at the SAG Awards this week and she is a Nepo baby Jamie Lee Curtis and she'd worked she's worked her arse off another one

miley cyrus is actually considered a nepo baby but she's way bigger than her dad well the nepo baby the student becomes the master sometimes uh dan levy he's a nepo baby is he yeah i love him ben stiller ben stiller yes so Eve Hewson Bono's daughter right she's considered an epibaby but she's an actress so although he would have

gotten her into things like she's still an amazing actress and I love her she was actually she was very funny about it I don't imagine I honestly don't imagine

he had any hand in her career I'd say well he can't make her a good actress. But do you think fucking, do you think an actual casting agent is going to give a shit

if Bono rings up and he's like, I've got a daughter. Like, they take their job too seriously. Do you know what I mean? It's like my mum's a nurse. If she rang up the hospital,

she's like, your mum was thinking of doing a bit of nursing. Can she go down there and do, and like, be a diabetic nurse for the day? No,

she fucking can't because she's no skills or abilities. But she was very funny about it because people were talking about Napa babies and then she did some tweet going, excuse me,

hello, I'm a Napa baby. She really took it on board. I'd like some recognition. But also. And then everyone was laughing. Oh, by the way, Bad Sisters, have you watched it?

Not yet. I've heard it's amazing. It's so good. I'm going to start it. I'm going to start it this week with my four days off kids. Perfect. Oh, you'll inhale it.

Okay, now I don't want to be mean about some Napa babies, but I wonder, now because I think all those people like Sophia Coppola, Kate Hudson, I reckon they might have got there themselves anyway. Timothy, Timothy Shamlele, Napa baby. Is he? Yeah, he is. Who's he the nap of? I don't know,

but he is the nap of somebody, okay? So there was other nap babies, right, that I thought, would you have made it without your parents? And I want your opinion on this and we don't have to be mean. I would never be mean, Vogue.

I would never be mean. That's what our WhatsApp is for. Okay. The Smith children, Willow and Jaden. I would say i i sorry i'm gonna be honest no are they i'm sorry but i don't know what it is i find them a bit infuriating i think there's there's a lot of entitlement there without a lot of like i haven't really seen i feel like they're writing checks they can't cash. Yeah. Okay. Hayley Bieber.

Hayley, as in Justin's wife. Well, she's very gorgeous. Very beautiful. However, very, and very stylish. However, would she have been elevated to where she is now without famous parents? Probably not. No, I don't think so. She wouldn't have been in those circles. Do you get me? Like she was in the circles because she was an apo baby. I do think she's lovely though. No shade. The Beckham children. No, I don't think so. She wouldn't have been in those circles. Do you get me? Like she was in the circles because she was a napa baby. I do think she's lovely though. No shade. The Beckham children. No. No, I know. And do you know what? They're not even doing anything anyway. And they've every resource under the sun. I actually, I kind of feel bad for Brooklyn

Beckham because everybody just takes a piss out of him. Do you know he made 5 million quid last year? 5 million. That's why I don't feel bad for him at all. Making pokeballs. I'm not going to feel sorry for a lad

who's managed to make 5 million quid out of making a fucking pokeball. And you know, did you ever see his little picture book? Not great. Not great pictures.

His little picture book? He had a book of pictures. Is it better than your picture book? No, it's not better than my picture book. Excuse me, I'm still waiting

for you to tag it. Jump for the stars. Magically fascinated. What's it called? Oh yeah, there it is. Jump for the stars. Yeah, right. I can't wait

till your book comes out and I'm going to stamp all over it. I'm not, I'm going to, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to post it, but I'm not going to add a link. Okay?

That's what I'm going to do to you. Rawr! Oh, another one. One more and then we'll stop. One more. Lorde's Madonna's daughter. No, I think she,

because she's kind of, she's super cool, trendy, socialite really, isn't she? I think she would have been like just hanging out in Hackney or something like that.

She's enjoying the trickle down of her mum's phone. But like, how could you eclipse Madonna? She's just, she's living, I fucking love that lifestyle. Imagine like your mum is super famous. She's iconic. Everyone loves her.

Amazing. You're also a little ride in your own and like you just get to enjoy the money, enjoy the life. And then you, the thing with the Nepo babies is they're usually kind of like upper middle class rich kids. Yeah. So they can afford to, like Brooklyn Beckham can afford to see if he's a chef.

He can afford to see if he's a photographer. I know, but you know what? Not to throw myself under the bus, right? I'm not a nepo baby, but also I was allowed to go and try and do a career that I wanted to do because I knew that like I could fall back on my parents if I really needed to. Exactly. Do you know what as well so do you know the way people are always very quick

to say oh she got that because of this and I had a bit of that as well like I got into comedy because I was going out with a comic and in the circles of comedy

for the first five years I'd say there was a lot of chat around oh well she only got that because of your man and blah blah blah and he's not even in comedy anymore

basically you're very lucky to have a door open for you but you have to fucking you have to run through the door yourself ultimately and do all the shit jobs yourself there's a lot of shit jobs involved do all the shit jobs yourself an awful so i think we've solved have we solved napa babies i think we have I was in the Isle of Man at the weekend doing a show. Yeah. With Geroid, my work wife. Geroid.

And he, so we were walking through the airport and your man at the desk, you know, he scans your boarding card yeah but he took Gerard's phone to scan Gerard's boarding card

off Gerard's phone yeah and Gerard freaked out why because he was like that's disgusting what

about germs and how stop no one should touch his phone and I forgot Garaud is a little germaphobe Garaud was using hand sanitiser

before the bat ever escaped Wuhan like Garaud was all over that shit yeah yeah yeah and so and it got we were having this discussion

going to the plane he was like they shouldn't touch my phone he's like they shouldn't and I was like I wouldn't give a flying Fandango I wouldn't care

at all I'd pick my phone out of the toilet put it straight to my ear because I was in the middle of a call I wouldn't care at all. I'd pick my phone out of the toilet, put it straight to my ear because I was in the middle of a call. I wouldn't give a fuck. Yeah, I know. But actually,

your phone is dirtier than any toilet seat. Do you know that? Your phone is covered in shite. So that's what he was saying. He was like, can you think of all the phones he's touching

and all the shit in the phone? And then he was talking about, so they did some survey. You know the McDonaldcdonald's self-serve screens yeah that you go you tap that a hundred percent of them had fecal matter on them oh my hundred percent how i'm running fecal matter hundred percent and i was like around everything has fecal matter on it remember they did those tests on toothbrushes and they're like they have fecal like everything has fecal matter in it you just have to accept it it's like accepting you swallow 90 90 spiders a

year in your sleep you're eating fecal matter it's just part of life you do a lot of shit talking in fairness you are definitely eating there you go that means i get rid of mine because i shy talk it out oh my god that is actually so disgusting. So people literally have shitty hands touching. Everything. That's why, like in fairness, and I don't get, I think germs keep you strong. They keep your gut healthy. You need some germs. I know, but you don't.

You do. Not many germs. You just don't want to know where you're getting them from. So like, I'd rather get fecal matter from a McDonald's touchscreen than any other, like then a more raw way of getting it Well I mean there's no, like what like fishing into the toilet, like after yourself or just, yeah okay

If I need to keep my immune system high I will do it through a way that I don't really know I'm doing it rather than just ingesting it from the jacks, and what I will say the only thing I will say, like COVID did make me more kind of like I'll wash my hands now before I eat, I'll wash my hands before I do my makeup the only thing and what I will say the only thing I will say like COVID did make me more kind of like I wash my hands now before I eat I wash my hands

before I do my makeup the only thing now that I'd be slightly weird about which I wasn't weird about before is I wouldn't take do you know the way you go into shops and they'll have cakes

just like out on display or donut walls yeah exactly like if I'm buying a scone it needs to be in a little hazmat suit

I'm not buying a scone just like naked I wouldn't buy a naked scone but I'll buying a scone it needs to be in a little hazmat suit I'm not buying a scone just like naked I wouldn't buy a naked scone but I'll touch a McDonald's screen I know I do yeah it's actually really disgusting

I won't eat a naked cake but I will hand my phone over to someone at a check-in desk like there's lines I know but actually you shake people's hands a lot I'd rather hug them

than shake their shitty hands as you say no hold on there hold on. No one's saying anyone's hands are shitty. When someone tries to shake my hands again, I'm going to say, take that shitty hand away from me. No, a hand may or may not have faecal matter on it. That is a matter of fact. You can almost tell the people that definitely will. It's part of building up your immune system. If you have no access to germs or fecal matter, you'll have to live in a zorb for the rest of your life and have no human touch. Is that what you want? Someone just caressing you over a plastic bubble.

Is that what you want? No, you don't. So just suck it up. I read a story about a man in a bubble. So he had to live in a cryo chamber. He had polio as a child and he lived in a cryo chamber for like his entire life. And he wasn't meant to survive. He outlived his parents and stuff. Now, obviously I don't know the full story, but I read about this. So he lived basically

most of his life in one of those bubbles. That's a tough old life. Exactly. That poor child had to live in a bubble. Yeah. You've got to just eat the poo-poo. Actually, I take it back. Sometimes it's important to just suck that scone out of the basket and not think twice about it. It doesn't matter. Everyone hocking all over it. Suck it raw. Do you know what's funny though? I won't eat a scone if it hasn't been like protected in some sort of suit, but I'll grab an apple and just like rub it on my top and be like, that's brand new. I have to wash it I wash dishes and stuff though like if I buy new glasses

and stuff they're going straight in the dishwasher no I know I wish I was like that but Groud is like he's you know kind of next level

when it comes to that stuff he has because I didn't notice well yeah yeah yeah if you travel with him you'll notice like he brings his own kettle

for the room now no he doesn't he's a fouled up kettle and so we were in Isle of Man the next day because we're because we spent so long in each other's company we just discussed the absolute minutiae of like we just like talking it's like nothing has to be interesting yeah it'll be woke up at six like I was like I made a cup of coffee in the kettle in the hotel and he acted like I'd said, I just drank the piss from the toilet. He was like, what? Why would he have to have his own kettle though?

Because apparently, kettles in hotels, again, I mean, I'm assuming they're covered in fetal matter. I haven't heard that officially. you're really, like,

this is gross. Folk, I'm sorry. Wait till the tour actually starts and you're in actual hotels apparently people

clean their knickers in the kettles John nobody cleans their knickers no they don't and also one thing that I have said

about hotels when you get to a hotel get those throw pillows off the bed but use your foot because they are jizzed all over and stuff when people are sleeping in the hotel room. They don't get washed.

I'm sorry to interrupt your factual story on jizz, but I'm telling you now. Go on TikTok, go on BuzzFeed, go on all those reputable news sites and you will find story after story. People boiling and washing their knickers in hotel kettles. It's done. So that's why Geroldner brings his own kettle. He also brings his own do not disturb sign in case they don't have one. And he also brings his own lock for a hotel room. Because he claims that I'm putting them in like squats,

which I'm not. Oh my God. He stays in the odd premier inn and one of them, it didn't lock. Do you know what I mean? So he's gone overboard now. But anyway, he has his own lock. And I was like,

I'm not being bad, but like, I'm the one who needs the lock. No one's going to break into your room. I'm the woman. I'm the woman. I'm drunk. And I'm the one with the bag of cash.

No one's going to try and break into your room. No one cares, no one cares. No one cares enough to attack you Gerard no

okay don't worry you'll survive okay you will survive notions 11 on Gerard Farley these days

but yeah he locks himself into his own hotel room now I have to say I have a real thing about hotel room you know how I feel about ghosts because I'm terrified of them

but I'm even more frightened of murderers so whenever I stay in any hotel if I have to stay on my own I am not able to sleep properly I'm convinced somebody's going to come in and murder me so I'm just saying frightened of murderers. So whenever I stay in any hotel, if I have to stay on my own, I am not able to sleep properly. I'm convinced somebody's going to come in and murder me.

So I'm just saying when we're on tour, I'm either going home straight after or you're sleeping in the same room as me. Well, stay with Garou. It's like Fort Knox. No one's getting into that room. I'd love to. And he won't touch you.

He's a pure gay. Like he's not just pretending. Like he's a real gay. Like you'd repulse him naked, which is what you want I do exactly well these little

old tits would now the little poor little poor little pebbles after I've sucked the breastfeeding sucked out of it

looking desperate we have added a fourth three arena date to the three arena on the 2nd of December My therapist goes to me live

with me, Joanne McNally and maybe Vogue Williams depending on her schedule Vogue Williams will be there We have added a fourth three arena to our three arena And tickets are available at ticketmaster.com or indeed our own website mytherapistgoestome.com

Joanne sends me messages sometimes and I've actually thought about this and like she might send you loads and then she doesn't think about it again so I'm wondering if you've done anything on it if you could de-influence everything anything she said what would you de-influence what what brought you to sending me that message so I've realized there's like I'm a bit late to the game on things but there's this kind of trend going around the tiktok the tiktok the tiktok where it's like influencers now de-influencing basically going to know what actually this is shit don't buy it yeah and because you work and you move in those circles i was like i wonder is there anything she would publicly de-influence i know it's a tough question well it's not that tough okay and as a person that was championing

championing championing them are you drinking? oh my gosh I'm just as we like to say whacked championing

that's the word championing yeah you were championing somebody who was championing champignon these a while back I have to say they disgust me That's the word. Championing. Yeah, you were championing. Somebody who was championing, Champignon, these a while back, I have to say,

they disgust me. And I haven't actually worn the ones that I got. And sometimes I look at my children in them and I think, what have I done to you? Crocs! Yes! Boom!

Get rid of the Crocs! Not even in, they are not even a high shoe. Now, as a woman who is sitting in these rotten shoes, I know I don't really have much to talk about. They're kind of sexy, those. They are absolutely rotten.

They're a bit like Madame-ish, no? No, they're oak slippers. They're a bit Moulin Rouge-y. If Moulin Rouge-y did align with River Island, that's what those shoes look like. Exactly, yeah. But let me tell you right about Crocs, okay? I have a pair downstairs.

They are unworn. I'd almost bleep this out because they are a very powerful company they are very powerful but this is like saying you think 9-11 is an inside job this is going to get us a lot of heat I know we are going to be in trouble in the Crocs community and I'm scared if I do find the purple Crocs I have so wished for that I will once again want to wear them but anyway I was also on the TikTok right and? And there's a girl called Yenka over here. She's really, really cool though. Like she works for Capital Radio.

She's just like a cool person. And she was putting on a hideous pair of Crocs. Not only was she wearing Crocs, which kind of looks cool on her. She, so you can get gems for Crocs, like little things that you put in the holes. Oh, I've seen this. You can get tiny Crocs to strap to your huge sized human Crocs. It's tiny Crocs on the Crocs. It's a Croc nightmare. It's a Croc monstrosity. It's a Crocmare. It's disgusting. I mean, I just feel like, I feel like there's fashion and then there's just,

it's giving up. Like you've got your, your outfit's lovely and then you give up with the shoes. It's like you with the sandals. So, okay. So I have two things to say. One, I also have started walking slowly past the croc section being like, yeah, because when you see people you respect wearing something, like I'm, I'm a sheep, like I'll bar bar my way to the tail with a pair of fucking Crocs. Yeah. And so then you started getting on board with Crocs. And as you know, you influence me. And, but there also, I do love an ugly shoe.

I do love an ugly shoe. Really? Yeah, I do. I like a kind of bizarre looking shoe. I do. Bizarre. Sometimes you come in in shoes and I'm like, what the fuck? Where did she, where did she get them? I'm going to say this now without a hint of shame. I will probably go through a croc phase. Like it's not over with me and crocs. I hate them,

but I'm, if, if, if I spot a lilac pair in my size, I might not be able to hold back. Vogue, actually, hold on. I, there's a lot of anti-croc chat and I have a lilac pair in my size, I might not be able to hold back. Actually, hold on. There's a lot of anti-croc chat and I have a weird feeling we're doing an ad for crocs soon. So maybe cut that. If your feet are feeling sad this summer, why don't you look for a pair of crocs?

Not only are they comfortable, they're stylish too. Joanne, your line. If you're looking for a holy suntan on the foot, go to crocs.com. Do you want your line? Your line? If you're looking for a holy suntan on the foot. Go to crocs.com. If you want a foot like a Dalmatian, go to crocs.com.

I actually, I have to say, there's a lot to be said for Crocs. There is a lot to be said for Crocs. I use them as washing up gloves. Oh, Vogue. There he was, spinning through the Sunday Times. Yeah.

Spano. He saw Spano. On a plane. I saw Spano smiling out. And I'm not going to lie, so it was about his, the film he comes out on Disney+,

about his brother finding Michael. Yeah. It comes out on Friday, by the way, on Disney+. Finding Michael. Friday, Disney+. And I have to say, even if I didn't his brother Finding Michael yeah it comes out on Friday by the way on Disney Plus Finding Michael Friday Disney Plus and I

have to say even if I didn't know him the way I know him yeah I found it emotional and even I was talking to Alan

about it and Alan was like even if I'd never met Spencer I didn't know anything about him he's like I would watch it it's just it's

do you know what I'm dying to watch it I've seen it twice I cried both times it's such an amazing emotional film and it's just it's it's you know i'm dying to watch it i've seen it twice i cried both times it's such an amazing emotional film and it's it's just even even being able to like the footage they got on everest is insane because like above 8 000 feet is like the death zone so no human life can survive up there and like they have filming from up there it's it's absolutely wild it's really sad it's really amazing.

It's such a nice story. We didn't explain what it is. So Spenny's brother Michael was the first Brit to ever summit Everest when he was 22. So the youngest Brit to summit Everest when he was 22. And on the way back down he lost his life on the mountain.

And the whole documentary is all about that. And it's just... It's about them trying to find him. Isn't it? Yeah, about trying to find his brother.'s it's just it's about them trying to find him isn't it yeah about trying to find his brother and it's just

very incredible so thank you all very much for listening that has been my therapist ghosted me the main app I had to think about that god i can't even remember what we spoke about thanks for listening