My Therapist Ghosted Me - Never Live It Down: Katherine Ryan

Episode Date: September 24, 2024

Vogue’s brand new Global Original podcast has just launched, and we think you’re going to love it!Vogue is sitting down with all your favourite famous faces to expose all, delving into their deepest darkest secrets, their biggest regrets, and of course, the moments they’ll just never live down!And here’s a shortened version of her first episode with the hilarious Katherine Ryan.  Want more? Check out Never Live It Down every Monday on Global Player!

Hello everybody. I've got a brand new podcast and it's launched today. If you've not already heard all about it, it's called Never Live It Down. It's really fun. I've got amazing guests. It's going to make you smile. They're telling us all their embarrassing moments and stories and things that you probably will not know about them. And to give you more of an idea of what it's like, I want to give you a short version of one of our first episodes for you to listen to right now. So enjoy! For our first guest, we have the brilliant Catherine Ryan. Catherine is the hardest working woman in showbiz. She is half Canadian, half Irish, with a sprinkle of British, making her incredibly sound. Not a woman to hide all the embarrassing things she gets up to.

Welcome to Never Live It Down, Catherine Ryan. So you got dumped at your prom while you were wearing a tiara. Yeah. What happened there? Well my boyfriend at the time had been misbehaving for a while, like not cheating or anything but just we were children so he was interested in football, he wasn't ringing me back, I could see him active on MSN messenger but he wouldn't ringing me back. I could see him active on MSN messenger, but he wouldn't write me back straight away. Like he's just being distant. And we were obviously going to the prom together. We were boyfriend and girlfriend. And on that day, he'd arrived early with his friends and hidden a bunch of liquor bottles in the ceiling of the boys'

loos. So then when they got to the prom later that evening in the school gymnasium, they were all drunk and I didn't realize he was drunk and he could be a real like prick when he was drunk. And I confronted him and I was like, you're not dancing with me. You're not taking pictures. Like what is your issue? And after a week or two of distance and him being drunk, he just was like, I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I want to focus on football. And I was wearing a tee. We were prom king and queen and I was in my dress and I just thought that couldn't happen to a person on the most wonderful day of her life.

I had made my own dress because at that time you couldn't buy something as slutty as I needed. Not for a 16 year old child anyway. So this is when we went low, low, low like vag bone low. I had a big skirt but it started at the vagina. Yeah. And then my whole midriff was out and it looked like yours back then. Tanned, toned. I had a belly chain and then the top was just a belly chain. The top was just a butterfly. So just the top wings covering my little tatas. Just like stuck a butterfly on to it. So I looked good. You got dumped. And I just cried stuck a butterfly onto it. So I looked good. You got dumped.

I got dumped and I just cried the rest of the prom and then I decided to get off with the security guard. Well, you got your own back then. Sort of. Do you think you've ever broken anyone's heart? Loads. Loads, do you reckon? Oh yeah, I've ruined people's lives because when you date scum, they quickly adjust

and they think that they deserve you. I think a lot of women with low self-esteem, which I used to have, they date beneath them and they go, he'll be very grateful. He will love me forever. You should be thankful. But they're thankful for like two hours. And then they go, yeah, I can get her.

I wonder what else I could get. And then I leave these men eventually and they spend the rest of their lives thinking they deserve someone like me and they don't. So they die alone. Have you ever been ghosted? Well, I wasn't in the dating world at the time when ghosting was a thing. Do you know what I mean? I've never been on the apps or I've never been on a first date or a blind date or just started talking to someone. Oh, cause you met Bobby in high school. Yes. And then how did you reconnect when you went home?

So Bobby was the boyfriend who dumped me at my prom. Stop. Yeah. Oh my God. That's so cute. Sort of. Kind of, yeah. Very hurtful.

What a dick. I know he was a dick. He still can be a dick. He's got an ego, which I am very attracted to, apparently. But we split up for a long time and then I just dated whomever like was around. Always people I knew though, always people I worked with or always people that I had mutual friends with. And I wish that they would ghost me. Like there's not ever been.

I'm a serial monogamist too. So if I sort of start dating someone, then we're together for five years. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I did as well. You've never been ghosted. Oh god, yeah I have once. I'll tell you who it was after. A famous person. Yeah, I was raging. Yeah, I'm going out for quite a while,

like four or five months. I think that's too long to ghost somebody. And then they just fall off the face of the earth? Then they kinda, yeah, just the responses start slowing down a bit and then you're like, hang on, I need to find my self respect again, I need to pull it back, pull it back, then you have a drink and you're like, oh hey. And then you're like, hang on, I need to find my self respect again. I need to pull it back, pull it back. Then you have a drink and you're like, oh, hey, and then you're like, oh, shit.

I've done so well for two days. OK, Catherine, you are half Irish. Yes. And your dad's name is Finbar, which is one of the most Irish names. Where is your dad from? Cork. Cork. And he has a cork accent. His name is Finbar Joseph Jude Cornelius Ryan. And he grew up, like, in Cork City withoutork. Yeah. And he has a cork accent. His name's Finbar Joseph Jude Cornelius Ryan. And he grew up like in cork city without shoes.

Stop. Yeah. And then people have the audacity to call me a plastic patty. And I'm like, listen, it's because of my dad's good behavior that Irish people are very welcome everywhere now. Killian Murphy, we see the Oscar. My dad should have been in the acceptance speech.

Your dad got him that Oscar. Yeah. I did actually hear that through the grapevine. He moved around the world in the 80s when it was still a bit dodgy to be Irish. It was still a bit unwelcome for them. Well, I mean, we were always kind of spreading far and wide. Yeah, talking about that. Is your mom Canadian or is your mom Irish? Well, no one's Canadian. Like there are indigenous people that we pretty much wiped out.

OK, that's a whole other story. But obviously, it's colonized. So my mum's ancestors are Irish, like from Donegal, but also from England. So from like Wales and from Poole, but mostly England and Northern Ireland. Well I've created an Irish game for you because I did this on my husband and I want to see how Irish you are. Okay. Can you pronounce these names?

Yes I can, that's Maeve. Oh my God! I don't know where you thought I was from, like Sri Lanka. Oh, I'm not great at that one. Is that like Sive? Sive. Sive, yeah, that's too far for me. I couldn't name my kids.

I'll be really careful about what you say about Sives. Sives, are they? Sveinie got that wrong and a Sive like sent a letter to our house just marked Hoth. That's where we're from in Ireland. And yes she wasn't happy. The Sive's nasty. The Sive was not.

It's a nasty name. Oh! Do you know what I mean? Sive. Sive! There's no need for that name. Sive Sive, you'll probably know this one. Catherine.

I don't think I do. Tyg. Oh, I like Tyg. Tyg. That's my friend's son's name. So we do actually use it. I like it. In these days.

Tyg is nice, but I just couldn't have my child like spelling that down the phone. One of my friends just called her baby Louie. Loua. Actually, it's really hard to spell. It's like L-U-A-I-G-D-H. Yeah, like Fnula. Yeah, a Fnula. FnG-D-H. Like fanula. Yeah a fanula.

Fanula is a nice one. But Theodore, I call fanula I use for. Oh your fanula. Your fanula. Oh. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. Not everyone does.

You know that. I know Aoife. Aoife. Okay good. You've gotten two now. Now I threw in. You've got some tough ones. I threw in two really difficult ones because they're my friend's name. And their dad's actually English, but that's not it obviously.

No, Roisin I know. Yeah, here's one of them already. Oh no. Oh. Kevon. Keelin. Keelin? Yeah.

Keelfjorn. No. And this is her sister's name, but they've actually spelled it wrong. So I won't expect you to get that right What are these names orna? odh a r na it h Why what I know why doesn't orla look like orna orna orna? Oh or na is like the English way of spelling it I guess these are very hard ones folk I am nowhere near as Irish as I thought that I was

These are very hard ones, Vogue. I am nowhere near as Irish as I thought that I was. Two main questions of this podcast. What's one moment you'll never live down? I think just my time at Hooters is something I will never live down because every couple of months I still get asked about it. Even though it was 20 years ago, This country was very fascinated with me being a Hooters waitress. I do remember when I heard about it that I was fascinated by it just because I wanted to know like what you did there. And I made a point of not putting it on my list here. Fine. You're allowed to ask. I get that people are fascinated. But do you ever find that there are some comedians who have a really interesting thing about

them and then they go, no, I don't want to talk about that anymore. And I'm like, too bad. Yeah. Because that's the interesting thing. Trot it out. And also don't assume that everyone has heard everything about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is a really interesting thing because we just don't really, I know you said that

we have one here, but we don't really have that concept here. No, not the same culture. No, and I love a wing. And then I did reveal in an interview that, um, troublingly, I used to fillate my manager to leave early. What? What you are? I just tried to use like, I'm not sure what kind of language I'm allowed to use. What do you mean fillate? Fillate.

A blowy? Stop. But I did like him. A full blowy. Yeah, but I liked him also. A full blowie. Yeah, but I liked him also. So like that paints me in some innocence. And as soon as you say something, it's just out there. And now like my dad has to know about me. No, I know.

Belating this manager, but he's dead now. Oh my God. I've had sex with people who are dead. What age is he? That's how old I am. He's not, he didn't die of old age. He died of fun. He died of having fun. Yeah. That's how old I am. He didn't die of old age, he died of fun. He died of having fun.

Yeah. That's a nice way to go. Oh my God, yeah. I don't think, have I slept with anyone dead? I don't think so. Oh, it's a weird thing. It's really weird, because then you have to realize you're next,

and like, well my dad is dead. So then, it's okay, it's been a long time ago. I don't think I slept with him. I heard you did. But you have to be, you're like, oh my God, now I'm next in line. Right. But I have a stepdad, so I had a backup. So I'm kind of back, back down again. As long as he's kicking. What is the one thing you could chat about forever? I love cosmetic surgery, even though I've had a lot less than people believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I lean into jokes about it and stuff. I think it's fun. Yeah.

I think it's fascinating. I think the stigma around it is fascinating. Oh, massively. And I hate the gatekeepers of it. Like I wish that certain famous families would just tell us who they're going to. Well, their guy is amazing. I know you're talking about, I think it's your man, Dr. Ori and no, he is a smokescreen guy. Oh really? So he cannot do things with a knife.

He's doing the tweakments. We're talking about the Kardashians. Yeah. He's doing the tweakments. Similarly, I've seen them in Dr. Jason Diamond's office. He's doing like dermatology. Well, whatever they're doing is amazing. Well, they're doing what they're showing us they're doing.

And then I think they've got some heavy hitters in the back. 100%. They're doing things. Well, Kylie kind of looks exactly the same as one of her friends. So they obviously have gone to the same person. Well, and I've been to Orion. And I've been to Dr. Jason Diamond.

Orion definitely has a look. That he does for people. But does he only do Botox and stuff like that? No, he'll do like lasers, Botox filler. He'll do even filler in your bomb. And I've never had that. I had lasers from him, cool laser, to try to like delete some of my sun damage and freckles.

And I've had filler. But when you get filler, I mean, it's a lovely office. It's a nice atmosphere. I don't want to be libelous about Dr. Orion, but I think he sort of goes, I know how women want to look and that's Kardashian, sit down, I think. Well, you'd go into him and you'd think,

look what he did for Valhedeet. Right. Yes, please. She looks great. She looks unbelievable. They all do, but I think there are doctors and procedures that they are not comfortable telling us about and I just wish that they would. The only thing is, right, which what I can say for them

is like, I would never openly come out and be like oh I get Botox I get this and I'm like do I or don't I because once you say it I saw somebody I'm not even gonna say her name again because it will just land with her again but. You've said her name before and she found out? No no no she came out and said that she'd had Botox and then it was just like blah blah blah and her Botox face and it's like oh god then all the headlines are just about Botox and it's just like it was just like blah, blah, blah, her Botox face. And it's like, oh God, then all the headlines are just about Botox. And it's just like, it's just so boring. But even that fascinates me,

the media's reaction to like how someone chooses. Well, they want you to look young as well and then they don't want you to have had Botox. But I love it. And I just wish that we had a super transparent conversation about cosmetic surgery so that Kim, I wish someone like Kim Kardashian allegedly would say like yeah I had a deep plane facelift at 35 and this is the guy who

did it and he actually charged me eight hundred thousand dollars and then I go okay so that's the guy but I don't know hundred thousand dollars I just wish that. God I'd love to know what she said. Do you reckon she had of the party? Yes, yes. There's no way we're gonna look like her with all those creams. No. Dammit. We're not, but we are never gonna look like her anyway, Vogue, because we as we've established are Irish,

and not Armenian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we can't- And we rosh. Can't deviate too far from what God gave you. Just a bit though. Absolutely raging. Nudge God.

I asked the internet what people wanted to know about you and I've picked the most asked ones. What is, this is from Sarah and Denny, they asked the same question, what's your worst or most embarrassing stand-up moment? Oh I don't feel that much embarrassment doing stand-up now but in the beginning it was different and there were two really horrible gigs that stand out in my memory one which was in Greenwich and it was a Christmas party. They're both Christmas parties. Yeah. This country does not know how to navigate Christmas in a demure way. Everyone got wristbands and that's a red flag

I should have known and they just got so pissed and they decided very early on that they didn't like me. And if you're heckling, I can deal with that. I can respond, we can do something. But it was, they turned around and had their own conversations, like 300 people just turned around and started having their own conversations and I couldn't speak over them.

I couldn't get them to engage with me again. It was like, I was just a mad woman who was going off on a tangent. You couldn't even hear my microphone because it was- At least you still got paid though. That's it. And at that time I was very financially dependent on getting paid for these gigs.

So today, if that happened, I'd go, all right, why am I gonna stand in the way of you in a good time? I'd get off. But I did the full 20 minutes. Because I thought that if I didn't do my time, I wouldn't get paid. And it was so, I wasn't even there.

I saw you, what was it, I remember that business lunch for women in TV. And it was so funny, because before everyone had sat down and everyone's kind of shuffling around, you could just hear you in the back, right? Slag right, slagging everyone and no one could hear it and you're just like and look at you and I loved that. That was so funny. Well you've got to get everyone quiet and women I hate to say we're terrible ambassadors for each other like we get drunk and it's a lunch and people are already on the white

wine and women when they want to talk it's really difficult to keep them quiet. Those kind of gigs, though, for you must be hard because it's a corporate at the end of the day. And so it's not like your own gig. No, but I don't mind it. A little bit of crowd control is fine. Elizabeth wants to know, what's your favorite thing about living in the UK and your favorite thing

about living in Canada? Oh, I didn't like living in Canada. I think the weather is apocalyptic. It's either too hot or too cold. Yeah. The accents are too Canadian for me sometimes. Like when my husband first came over, I was like, how we sound. It was like, oh, I don't know about that.

Maybe we should go. I love that accent. But we have really good food in Canada, like real nice comfort food, really exciting flavors of crisp. Do you like a gherkin? I love a gherkin. So in Canada and in America for a start, we have like crispy, really spicy, garlicky dill gherkins. They're not sweet in any way and they're just so delicious. And we have a gherkin flavored crisp. It's called dill pickle crisps. It's like a walkers basically, but it's so nice.

I love everything salt and vinegar's got, but more. I don't really rate the crisps in the UK that much. No, no Irish crisps are amazing. Love a Tato. Love a Southern Tato. Yes, Southern Tato. I prefer them too. But I do love your cereal aisles. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

That's it. It's grocery shopping in North America. It's so nice. But here, I like people's sense of humor. I think everyone is just funny here. And people talk about offense and cancel culture. I think people are way less offended by everything here than they are in Canada.

I think, yeah. I think people here can take a joke a lot more. And you can slag people more. Like in Ireland, you can really go for people. We just abuse each other. Charlotte wants to know, what's your favorite type of sausage? Ooh. An Irish sausage.

No, actually yeah, Irish sausages are so nice. So delicious. I was off sausages for a while because I had a Jewish boyfriend and I observed his kosher lifestyle just out of politeness. And then I started thinking maybe we shouldn't eat pork anyway, this is good. I tried to do that for a while. It just smells so good. Exactly. And then Bobby brought chorizo back into my life.

Oh yum. Does he cook for you every night? Oh yeah, he's a really good cook. Oh my god. And does he clean up after us? Yeah. Because when he cooks and cleans he doesn't have to mind the children. Oh yeah, okay. He sussed that out. He can drink alone. Well done. If you didn't become a comedian, what would you be? I really still would like in my life to become a midwife, but I'd be a really mean midwife. I'd be like, shut up. I would be like, you can do this and this is what you got to do now.

So I think I would be struck off like quite soon. I kind of like that. I don't like petting. Same. Like I had it. I've had very nice midwives but like are you okay and touching my head? I'm like no I don't like that. Not at all.

Just like let's get on with this. It's too intimate. Yeah. And they're doing a really intimate job anyway obviously. I'd love to do that as well. Yeah but I sort of need to be shouted at. Emma Willis, she's got it. Oh yeah, okay, so scratch that one.

I envisaged myself being like a madam of Hooters restaurants. I would have liked to own franchises and be the like feminist Hooters boss. But Utah waitresses in Hooters, chicken wings are so good. I know. They really are. Is there Hooters, the chicken wings are so good. I know. They really are.

Is there a Hooters over here? Yes. Did it take off? Yeah. We've got one. We. I'm still part of the corporate team. You'll never let go. Yeah. I bought Hooters tops for myself. I don't have the assets to wear a Hooters top, so I put it on.

I was like, let's not bother. Well, you do because Hooters is actually about your bum. And that's what you wouldn't realize. But I was Miss Hooters Toronto before I got it on. I was like, let's not bother. Well you do because Hooters is actually about your bum and that's what you wouldn't realize. But I was Miss Hooters Toronto before I got breast implants. I had like boy nipple much less than you. Yeah. But I had a really nice bum and the shorts are really quite revealing to the bum and really all they want to see. They just want an athletic shape, like young woman with a nice bum. The boobs like like men care so much more about bums than boobs.

Even then, even in the noughties, they thought they liked boobs, but the bum girls always got the most hips. And then really toxic, if you gained weight, they'd stick you behind the bar. And because it tried to hide you. And we had lots of little routines, like we had to roller skate and golf caddy and hula hoop.

And stop. Yeah. That sounds like, I know it's probably not good if you're trying to be a feminist, but like that kind of sounds fun to me. I like doing all those things. This is the thing I think with feminism today, is I think it's all right for us to explain

that that was a different time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really was though. And I loved doing all those things and I wanted to be like Britney Spears I'd say the tips are amazing. I was wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. Just from two minutes. Yes Because tips are tax-free. Well, yeah, you don't declare them and They'll get you for that. Yeah, if you're talking about America, they'll come and find you never let it go

So there's a Hooters in Nottingham and it's a pretty rough one. Yeah. I don't think though that they do a great wing over here either. Like in Ireland we have a proper chicken wing like American chicken wings. You have good wings in Ireland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they need to catch up on that a little bit if they want to expand Hooters. How did you end up teaching people from Hooters?

Because I always wanted to be the best and And I was first promoted to chalkboard. I was really good at drawing Hooters waitresses in chalk. And it's tacky, like sports bar, kind of cheerleading vibes. So there was lots of chalk to be drawn every day. And I liked that. I think that was because I had the darkest hair. I'm not really sure how I got that job promotion. But then also I gained the respect of the other girls and I was always on time

and I sold the most and I got the most tips and I was very reliable and I can manage loads of tables. So then they just go, okay, you're the boss now and the boys all hide from us. So there are like male managers and male owners and chefs, line cooks, and they just hide. Like the women are in charge of the Hooters. So it's really good. And I would lead by example. It wasn't like a bad boss. Like I'll be a bad midwife. I was like, uh, I was a good example.

And then I hosted the bikini pageants cause I want a bikini pageant and then I didn't want to wear a bikini anymore. I could tell that it was time for me to transition. You had bikini, it was a different time. On the tables. So you had bikini, it really was a different time. On the tables, so we'd push all the tables together and make a runway. Oh my God. And have pageants.

Wild, can you imagine that happening now? Yes. What kind of doors at Miss World? I would love it. Miss World, and what's the deal then? Miss Universe, doesn't Donald Trump own that? No, that's weird. That's it, yeah.

That's why I need to be in charge. Yeah, you should be in charge of America, go for it. Yeah. This is why I need to be in charge. You should be in charge of America. Go for it. I'm gonna grab people by the pussy next. I'll do it in a mindful way. How amazing is Catherine? I absolutely loved recording that episode with her. She's so, so funny. And if you want to hear more from her, the full episode is out now as well as another great episode with the amazing Eshaan Akbar who was so funny just search for Never Live It Down on Global Player and make sure you subscribe now to get the next episode as soon as it drops next Monday.