My Therapist Ghosted Me - New Zealand Hi Gee!

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

With Joanne's patience running out with Vogue's abbreviations, it's almost time for a break - but not before they've discussed a Virgin Mary statue with questionable qualities, a racy episode of Teletubbies and the reason why AI might not take their jobs just yet.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster!For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. Well, hello, hello, hello I would love to come onto the pod one day And not have to have an absolute meltdown over tech Why do people have to make it so hard, Jo? So hard People? Which people? The people at Apple

Oh, the people at Apple, yeah Listen, I'm trying to be nice to Joanne here Because she's just so horrifically bad she couldn't let go of her cheap headphones so we've been 15 minutes trying to Joanne they don't work sorry my Sapple headphones work perfectly thank you

great they're going to last about as long as your Louis Vuitton bum bag right headphones they're from pair and they're amazing As long as you're Louis Vuitton bum bag, right? I have headphones. They're from Pear and they're amazing. And I won't have a word said against them. I'm going to burn them if I'm ever within your company. And you still have them on you.

They're incredibly annoying. I do apologize. If you had spent the extra money on Apple headphones, think of all the time that we've wasted here. So like, let's say you've spent like two hours in the last two weeks trying to set up these headphones. So've you've cost me and joe two hours and yourself two hours that's six hours of work you could have bought yourself a pair of apple headphones what i will say um now dictator now what i will say is i tried i when i went into the shop to buy headphones they just didn't have

the OGs I did try to buy Apple but they only had these fucking pair things so here I am is that what happened

with the bum bag as well you tried to buy a real Louis but no that was very much intentional I was on the beach I was shooting on the beach yesterday

for Bareby Vogue Ghost at 20 Bareby Vogue Ghost at 20 and she was shooting seals that's what she does in her holidays.

Did you hear that today, Mel? Joanne's really looking forward to that whale killing spree on the Faroe Islands. I was going to say, that's like shooting whales. Do you ever see Joanne? She's been pictured there

numerous years in a row. Shooting, not orchids. What are they called? I'm big into shark attacks at the moment it's because you're in Australia well you were in Australia I'm living my

southern hemisphere life big into shark attacks couldn't tell you I'm just like there's another shark attack in Day of Moment where I'm just like where and when

I was like oh I don't know any details around them I just love delivering I just love the drama of it all I know I just know

there's a lot that could go on it's a very serious thing out here it's not a joke there's a lot out there and there's a lot out's a very serious thing out here. It's not a joke. There's a lot out there and there's a lot out in they've nets though at Bondi and stuff I thought but some of them

get through the nets. Some of them get through the nets. Some of them go into freshwater harbours. There's been awful stories and but they these helicopters going across

the sea when we were in Perth and if they see a shark they're like I'll play a siren. Yeah they don't kill the shark or anything. I wouldn't a siren I'm not going to lie I wouldn't have

minded what? they don't kill the shark or anything he just goes away if the shark kills someone then they'll kill the shark

I was yeah no no no they don't like lampoon it from the sky around them they tell everyone to get out of the sea I mean ultimately

it is their home we are infiltrating their home uninvited well it's not solely their home have you ever seen Waterworld? Sometimes people do

live in the ocean. That's my biggest fear living in Waterworld. Sorry, what? I thought your biggest fear was death. Oh, by the way, Vogue, I don't know if you know this, but again, we love to start the podcast with a bit of death. Did you know you can get a death doula?

I had a really strange thought the other day right we were in the car and i was like i don't know why obviously because i'm so fearful of death and i was like oh my god imagine someone like question to his name and we just died and then i was like actually i felt quite calm about it because i was like at least i wouldn't go alone so who's this i think death doula i think we I think we are working towards accepting your death. I think we are. When your youth falls out of your body from having too many kids.

Once your womb explodes, which is going to be in the next 12 to 15 months, I would say. I will tell you one thing. Or once those children suck the life out of your nipples. Literally suck the life out of you. They've sucked the soul. Like your man in the Green Wild. Do you remember your man who sucked the cancer out of your nipples literally suck the life out of you they've sucked like your man in the green wild do you remember your man

who sucked the cancer out of your mouth yeah that's Otto sucking by the way my mother without any joke

like she's done not trying to be funny about it is now she's like six days till Otto's birthday FYI

stop yeah she's not wrong she yeah no she I have it in the calendar now Grant Joanne

you keep asking me about it you're like have I missed it have I missed it is it his birthday because you keep posting you keep posting photos of him in hats and all to me that just says

birthday he's got a lot of attention when you see him wearing a hat when you see where I tell you what he being the favourite child you know the way he's so a lot of attention when you see him wearing a hat when you see I tell you what he being the favourite child you know the way he's so smiley

I so I'm on a working holiday I basically had a couple of a couple of afternoons off but like on those afternoons I've been spending time with the kids and they are

she's on a working holiday just for the tax man she's on a working holiday you heard it here first she is out working I have done a Bear by vogue shoot and i have done a program with john anyway and then i spent the rest i do that when i go on holidays i'm like oh i told so i told a joke earlier write the whole thing off

you were traveling for a year joanne who cares i told a joke in taiwan at one stage anyway sorry about one so they have already sucked the life out of me. I feel like I don't think I've ever felt as tired as I do. Like I thought I was going to go home relaxed but like they just honestly

like Theodore screams at me if I don't like there's parrots sometimes in the trees and if I miss a parrot in the tree

like that he's been looking at that I haven't been looking at he'll start screaming at me. Otto hasn't stopped crying for one single second since we've been here because I think he's been looking at that I haven't been looking at he'll start screaming at me Otto hasn't stopped crying for one single second

since we've been here because I think he's cheating what? not one single second you can't put him down he's never happy gee she's the favourite she's just

a little dream look at this picture Otto has finally cracked I'm actually I'm actually because I all the smiling I meant to say to you

I was like I think you need to start looking into some sort of gum disease I said that's not normal to be smiling that much she looks like an old woman there doesn't she yeah she does yeah what are you dressing her in

come on Vogue that's her pyjamas they are so cute those jammies oh sorry no they are really cute I loved her little belly the other day

she's so cute she's got this little hot belly the amount of cute I loved her little belly the other day she's so cute she's got this little hot belly the amount of messages I got about her belly she's really leaning in there really cute

we love a chubby baby they're the cutest Jo how's your baby chubbier all the time mate is she yeah she's great is she a moaner yet is she pretending to be sound

because Otto did that for a long time yeah oh look how smiley Otto is. He's so smiley. All he does is smile. Haven't seen that smile in weeks.

He's hit the terrible twos. That's what happens. Oh yeah, is he too? Joanne, my friend James and Brian had a baby recently and Joanne said to them, oh, he's the same age as Otto.

They'll get on really well. He's not even eight weeks old yet. I mean in the ballpark of ages do you know what I mean like you can hang out with anyone like when you're kids

there's you know there's levels though anyone within three years up or down well actually down I don't know if it's that much like people that are

three years older then you don't want to hang out with you well in school it was like if someone was seven minutes if someone was

in the year ahead of you you were basically pond scum to them so basically Gigi although she is probably my current favorite it's it swaps all the time she started really abusing me and not even realizing it the other day she was like why do you have hairs all over your arms mommy I thought okay rude then she starts going on about the moles on my face saying, why do you have all these spots all over your face? And going around touching every single one of them. Because she's in love. She's exploring.

She's exploring her mother. You better not wax that child. She's allowed to have hair. Don't you start waxing that baby. Excuse me, I am a very proud owner of arm hair. That's Spencer you need to be warning. He spends his life in the shower shaving his bits. A lot of that's Spencer you need to be warning he spends his life in the shower

shaving his bits a lot of men wax well to be honest if I met a man who had no body hair this is what this is what serial killers do and

sexual predators they shave other body hairs they can't even a crime scene and then they pretend it's for cycling so huge red flag I'd be

checking his bedside table for a ball of clava and a bit of rope. And cyclers and swimmers are also known to be serial killers, aren't they, Dianne? No smoke without fire. Like, oh, it's just, it's convenient.

You can't leave anything at the scene of a crime. Well, I am in porch. Are we going to go there? It's what I call it Joanne That's what it's called When you're talking to the taxman

about working in Portugal you should also tell him you're out there bastardising the English language as a full time job Would you shut the fuck up about the taxman because I am going to be

writing this off I've worked on all the stuff on this fucking holiday Although I emailed my accountant about it and he has not responded, I have worked every single day I've had people send complaints to me now about you

I'm like HR for you Joanne, I have gotten nothing but love over the porch, people said thank you Vogue for saving so much time for me. And do you know why I've started? I've started. How busy are these people? Like, what, you can't finish a word?

They can't finish a word. I'm just telling you one thing. If you hadn't got those headphones, I wouldn't have to do so much abbreviating. But I'm trying to claw back some time that we've wasted getting your headphones hooked up to this laptop. Okay? You're like the Maria Kondo of words and time. That's what you are.

Trim the fat. Trim the foot. You know, the abbreviation thing really bothers me. Like, it really... And that's the only thing she's doing.

I genuinely think she's just doing it to annoy people now. I think Vogue is trolling us, Jo. I think she is. And Vogue, I will tell you this much. Every time you say something

like porch or sassos or whatever nonsense you come out with. No one says sausages. I was talking, right, to a fella who made Super Quinn sassos and he calls them sassos.

I actually can't. It makes me nauseous. Do you want to hear a really disgusting one? So, like, my family loves blueberries and Otto especially loves blueberries. I call them bloobs. It's just not acceptable.

I can't even laugh because I can't condone this. I feel like we're encouraging it. Bloobs. Imagine a blueberry. Do you know the work that they have to do to get into that basket in your fridge? I'll tell you what. It's called a bloop. I don't care.

Blueberries is way too long a word, as is raspberries. That is why they're called Razzles. Okay? I don't know, Jo. I mean, all I want in this life is to meet Stephen Fry. And I feel like this association with folk is now going to stop me doing that. Stephen Fry's not going to meet someone who I, imagine, Stephen Fry's not going to meet anyone who even knows anyone who calls raspberries raspberries.

Do you know what? I'm absolutely thrilled. You've got me fired from enough things that you deserve something bad to happen to you because of this podcast. There is fizzy drinks I used to call, it started from a young age, I used to call them fizz clers

it's really bad it's actually so embarrassing this is what I think you're doing I think you're intentionally trying to make people stupid and I'm beginning to think you work for the Russians or the Chinese this is what they do with TikTok and I think you're doing the same I think you're making people stupid intentionally because you're some the same I think you're making people stupid intentionally because you're some of some master plan we're going to see your little legs your little tanned legs

hanging at the end of a Chinese balloon at some stage sailing sailing over America click click click click click click that's exactly what I'm up to you know

exactly what I'm up to yeah you're up to something there's something sinister going on have a nana have a nana that's the thing

that's what it is I think that's why it annoys me because it infantilizes people like grown people I know but you know it's not even like

I'm not even trying to abbreviate all words because like I say chippos that's just making it longer than chips I just like chippos I'm like have a chippo

maybe it's because I'm trying to convince my kids to eat all these things. Yeah, maybe. I call broccoli trees. Just draw a face on them like a normal person. I would just draw it.

I would rather you stuck goggly eyes on broccoli. Do you know what, Joe? I see Joe shaking his head there right with his giant quiff. You wait until your child starts talking.

You're going to turn into me. Okay? That's what's going to happen. I hate it. It's like when people call Christopher, call themselves Taufer. No one calls himself Taufer. I do, that actor guy. Yeah.

So I was in one of those members clubs I don't know why I'm afraid of saying it I just don't want to say it because it was very much hold on which there's a couple

there's a couple of genres of members clubs what are you talking about like so okay I just don't want to get in trouble because I think once you lose your membership

you'll never get it back you know no because it's just obviously I've been a long time in trouble because I think once you lose your membership you'll never get it back you know no because it's just obviously I've been in a long time in Australia so I'm used to kind of titty bars and stuff now but anyway go on

what's a like a titty bar like a strip club I remember in the west in Australia because the lads the miners I actually don't know

if they're still there but the lads used to mine they get paid shit tons of money to go mining they go into the mines for like six months then they come out and they're in Western Australia

with all this cash and apparently they suspended all the teddy bears but Australia's moved on now Do you ever hear that documentary about those kids that got stuck in the mine in Thailand, have you ever heard about that? Yeah! Do you know the divers took

like six hours to go one way and the hole was so small that like these like they would have to like put their arms in front of them and literally drive for six hours to get into the mine. And then they would be six hours back and they'd have to bring just one kid with them because they could only fit. Oh my gosh. They had to give the kids ketamine so they would be like sedated so they could get them back the other way oh god it gives me the absolute fear I don't know why mining made me think of that but it was just really

frightening I don't know who's doing ketamine's PR but that is a really smart rebrand for ketamine it's like now to now that person who can't walk in a field at a festival that's not us we're the ones scuba diving children out of mines look at us Ketamine got a bad

rap for a while just because people started walking around like crabs it was abused obviously it can do great work Ketamine is charitable

now yeah Ketamine saved lives I'm happy to be the face of Ketamine if I know it's doing good work I'm happy to be the

face of Ketamine you think they give it a Xanax or something like a Ketamine like it seems like I say I don't know who's doing the face of Ketamon. You'd think they'd give it a Xanax or something like a Ketamon. Like I say, I don't know who's doing the PR for Ketamon, but they deserve a pay rise. Ketamon knocks out horses,

so that's why. Anyway, back to private members clubs. We went from Soho House to Ketamon very quickly. So I was there and I saw Carol Vorderman. Have you ever seen her in real life? Yeah, we did the wheel together.

Stop it. She is magnificent. I know, she's fab. She's like an English Cher. I think she's like, now I can't say anything bad about Cher, I love Cher so much, but like I couldn't stop staring at her body.

She's got this like amazing hourglass figure, big huge boobs. She does. No matter how many squats I do, I'd never get that arse. staring at her body. She's got this like amazing hourglass figure, big huge beard. She does. Like, no matter how many squats I do, I'd never get that arse. Carol is someone to really look up to

and admire. She looks fab. Clever. She is. Very clever. She's super intelligent. She's a trained pilot, you know that.

She has a pilot's license. And when I did The Wheel and my specialist topic was Hugh Grant, to this day, no one knows why. And Carol was there and she got

she's so smart she got everything right I think she's in Mensa and shit isn't she? She's basically like a hot rain man What was her specialist topic? Aviation

something like that I think Oh no Hugh Grant I'm actually really glad yours was Hugh Grant because if I ever find myself on the wheel

I won't be so embarrassed You're like Kim K baby every time I'm actually really glad yours was Hugh Grant because if I ever find myself on the wheel I won't be so embarrassed. You're like Kim K baby every time. I'm going back for Kim K she's my number one. Cher is meant to be going on tour by the way

I heard. Sorry just back to she takes lovers she's got several boyfriends she's the woman we aspire to be. Joanne McNally. Financially independent

super smart Can I say one thing looks fab is living her best worldly life doing her thing like no commitments

Dior McNally she's 62 she's 62 years old in 22 years I reckon if we try hard enough we could be on the same path as Carol Vordman

having 22 years I'm telling you being out here like time just goes so quickly like I've four more shows

and then my whole Australia New Zealand tour is finished like I've been thinking about this for a year it's done it's on to the next thing

I'm glad it's over you're too far away to be honest with you it's very far I heard some very sad news from home today. Okay. They're talking about making salpidine on prescription only.

Stop it. Do you know what? That's shitebags like you taking too many salpos. I only ever, I only take the odd salpo and now I don't even have the glorious pleasure of having that. I thought I was just raising awareness but anyway. They're not going to do that.

Back for it. Imagine we'd actually had an impact on health legislation in Ireland. Like I'm not taking that many but anyway they're putting it behind and Australia have done it and apparently it really worked because codeine is like you know everyone's addicted to it but I just love salpone because it's so fast but anyway so now, you know, everyone's addicted to it. But I just love salpidine

because it's so fast. But anyway, so now you're going to have to go to it because they put it behind the counter and that made absolutely no difference. So I don't know. I'm going to, I was thinking of taking out my intestine

and keeping it in a jar and then just whipping it out and slapping it on a chemist's desk. Just be like, it's out and it's sore. And so every time then I have a reason to just get salpidine straight away.

I'm like, you can bring me into the little room at the back for the saltpote shop, but I'll be dead by the time I get there. I have no intestines. I'm bleeding out here. No one is going to pay 50 euro to get themselves some saltpote either. And by the way, you have to go to the counter anyway. So how is that ever going to stop anyone?

You have to go to pay. So you might as well get your bits while you're paying. Because they were supposed to kind of, they would kind of go, oh, you know, it's addictive. Don't use it for long. And through this, basically they just give you a bit of side eye

and it was whether you could handle the side eye. You could for a bit of salt. But anyone with an actual cowdien addiction is going to cope with a bit of side eye. But apparently anyway,

apparently cowdien is really, really, really bad for you because they're putting it into the doctors. Well, I will tell you, right? And I was told this off a doctor. You know, if you've got a filthy little headache that won't go away?

Take two paracetamol and two ibuprofen. And they're completely different things. So you can take them at the same time. But it's like a fireball. And it gets rid of your headache straight away. Why? This is fucking classic now. Putting the codeine into the doctor's office is supposed to feel shit again.

I don't want to feel anything. I've been very clear about this. I just want to make me feel shit. It annoys me. I don't want to feel any pain in my heart or about this I just want to make me feel shit it annoys me I don't want to feel any pain in my heart or in my mind have you not been pharmacy hopping over there

they're not very they barely give you anything over there though Australia won't give you anything no they're like nada like I wouldn't say

you'd even get cowpaw like they're pretty strict they're the ones who started the whole coyote thing do you know what I saw online and it reminds me because you were talking about the Teletubbies before on this.

There has been absolute outrage from a Teletubbies episode and all these parents are basically stopping their kids watching this episode. So I had to watch it because I saw it online

and actually it was so funny. Basically, the purple one was blowing up this thing and the thing blew up. The purple one was blowing up this thing. And the thing blew up. The purple one? What's his name? Dipsy?

How dare you? Okay, is it Dipsy? Tinky Winky. That was Tinky Winky. Okay, sorry. Tinky Winky was blowing up something that looked like a winky. And it was this long, huge tongue thing. And the other two were behind him, like kind of thrusting him to help him blow it up

so Poe Poe and Lala and then the other fella was like way way way way so this long tongue came out and then hit this other fella in the bum

the green one what's he called? Dipsy Dipsy it was basically very sexual there was a lot of Caterpilling What's that movie called

The Human Centipede The Human Centipede There was some Human centipedes going on And then there was like A little Are you saying there was A bit of anal action

Yeah But I did I was like Why is everyone going So crazy over this And I did watch it And I was like Jesus

When you think about That being sexual It's actually very Fucking sexual I'd say Right Like firstly Can you imagine about that being sexual it's actually very fucking sexual I'd say right like firstly can you imagine

can you imagine what it must be like to write for kids telly like you'd lose your mind eventually I think it'd be great so I'd say

they're constantly kind of sticking in secret messages are we saying this telly we're like oh play it backwards and it's a gangbang

is that what we're saying now if you play it on rewind they looked it's an orgy it's just gangbang. Is that what we're saying now? If you play it on rewind. They looked... It's an orgy. It's just a furry orgy with huge heads. Sesame Street's the same. Why is the bin talking?

What's the bin saying? Why is the bin talking? Is that Elmo or is it the Cookie Monster? Which one's that again? No, the bin. There's an actual bin that talks in Sesame Street.

Oh, I thought there was a monster in there. The Cookie Monster's clearly stoned out of his mind Do you know what I mean? Yeah What was the outcome? The outcome was basically

that parents are that our parents are absolutely furious which is fair enough because actually I watched it and I thought that's very sexy I was kind of turned on

by the Teletubbies Yeah I was Yeah yeah yeah Absolutely Gave up the Pornhub just started watching endless eras of Teletubbies A paw paw with Tinky Winky Why not Treat yourself yeah yeah absolutely gave up the porn hub just started watching endless arrows of Teletubbies yeah

a paw paw with Tinky Winky why not treat yourself you're on your own I'm in New Zealand and I wanted to treat myself

to some new knickers and new bras because I've been living out of a suitcase for what feels like 20 years and I now have an extra

I now have three suitcases my stuff has multiplied anyway so we go in three suitcases in Australia three two and a half

two in a small one did you have to buy new suitcases yeah I bought new one you you just gather shit no joanne i know what i like you're gonna you're only gonna come home with one suitcase because you like to litter things around and leave bits and bobs everywhere so at least you'll only be coming back to london with one i just like having things that i need at hand that's what i like having so anyway went in and there's this really cool,

I went into this like department store and there was these really cool kind of multi-clutter bras and knickers. They were like daddy kind of neon ribbed ones and they were by a brand called Bonds. So I was like, yeah. Oh, I love Bonds. Okay, hang on, hang on. That's what you can buy Otto.

Get me loads of little Bonds leggings for Otto. That can be his birthday present. Perfect source. You want lingerie for for otto no they have kids leggings that they're so cute you can't get them over here oh do they yeah they've loads of kids leggings and stuff get me oh i didn't know that well anyway i got them back and i was looking at them and i don't to this i still i tried to google it I still don't know on the front of them, so I bought a different a couple of different styles and the one that, the thong one

has sustainable and the high gi, so high gi now I've looked into this so gi is obviously Irish for vagina, right so high gi is one pair, the other one is ribbed gi so I googled it.

I was like, what does gi mean in New Zealand? And I can't get to the end of it. But I was like, I don't know. Anyway, the high gi ones fit me perfectly. So I just want to know if anyone's wondering, I have a high and fashionable vagina, allegedly, in New Zealand. And I was like, ribbed gi.

I was like, ribbed? Like, who the fuck is a ribbed gi? No one has a ribbed gi anymore or else ribbed condoms would still be a thing and they're not. So I don't understand why ribbed gi or the fuck is a ribbed no one has a ribbed gi anymore or else ribbed condoms would still be a thing and they're not so I don't understand why ribbed gi or high gi

exists but these are pants and this is blazing across the front of them high gi ribbed gi there's like it is one word

that I just I love so much sorry do you I can't understand do you remember no sorry sorry do you remember ribbed condoms do you remember No sorry Do you remember

Ribbed condoms Do you remember them What were they about And lads thought They were like Unlocking a new level With these ribbed condoms Like Tetris

Like they just lock in Like an Allen key And they just like Move around And we'd be like Do you feel that Is that much better Is it

No Oh wow I feel that. Is that much better? Yeah. Oh, wow. Ribbed condoms. You wouldn't get away with that now. Huh? The vegans be going mad. Yeah. Do you remember that thing about Pat Kenny on the radio?

And he kept talking about ghee, the butter. The cheese. The butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it was just like, man, he's probably in his 70s now. And he just kept saying ghee. And like, it was just like man he's probably in his 70s now and he just kept saying ghee and like it was just so funny

did you just dismiss Pat Kenny as a man in his 70s he's an iconic Irish radio he is iconic and TV host and presenter yeah he is

he's amazing he was doing he did the late late for years and years and yeah he's been on radio forever and he is brilliant he is he's like an icon

in Ireland he is he did a piece on ghee butter but he is brilliant, he is, he's like an icon in Ireland, he is. He did a piece on Guy Butter but he knew exactly what he was doing Pat's no Phil, he knew exactly what he was doing but I don't know what they're doing, I don't know what

Bonds are up to Joanne cannot have a bad word said about Pat Kenny as soon as I mentioned his name your eyes lit up, you actually, like you really have a thing for Pat Kenny. It's kind of amazing. He was my first flutter. There you go, Patzer.

Anyway, my point. His pants. Isn't it G? Like high G? No, G. As in like G bit of it all is all like high. Bonds high G. Yeah, that's it. I didn't even think of that. is all like high what no bonds high gi yeah that's it

I didn't even think of that what it's not what do you mean it's not it's g string it's supposed to string is that it Jo

I think that's what it means the g bit is high because the ones I'm wearing at the moment no it's still called a gi it says gi ribbed gi I'm wearing the ribbed gi ones

at the moment now I know I have an addiction to Kim Kardashian and I've said it before but you want you need to get yourself like

one of the skims thongs they are so comfy they're so comfy I actually hold out I'm like no I'll save them because I just want to wear them all the time

but I'm like I have to save them I've only got two pairs who cares about skims I wear bonds every day and feel like I've got a high gi that's everyone's dream I'm like, I have to save them. I've only got two pairs. Who cares about skims? I wear bonds every day and feel like I've got a high gi. That's everyone's dream. I'm starting to look now here

at the baby stuff. This is fantastic. She's going to come home with a bag full. It's high gi. I genuinely, I knew it wasn't gi as in Irish gi, but I was really curious

about what it was. But of course but it is high, H-I it's like high ghee, it's not like H-I-G-H ghee, it's high ghee like hello ghee hello ghee I'm still not really understanding it, it's still a ghee but that doesn't mean it's a G string

it says G-E-E ghee anyway enough on the high ghee now I'm going down a hole of looking at the kids clothes I'm so excited to see what you bring back now what age would you buy them if you were to buy something what age group would you

Otto if you were to buy them a few bits from Barnes what would you be buying them now size wise 14 to 17 years of age because that way you can sit in the wardrobe and you'll always

and the present lives on like that black hoodie that's about to get taken back that you got to eat there you go you want something to look to work towards to you got to eat there you go you want something to look to work towards to look forward to wearing down the line when they're adults that's what i think that's how you get the most out of children's clothes buy adult clothes for children

and then they've something to look forward to yeah because i absolutely love storing all the bits you leave littered around my gaff so yeah let's just add to it so something i saw and we've kind of touched on something like this before because you mentioned the woman who married a fairground right or a doll i can't remember which one was a wedding it was a great day there yeah there's a woman who just married a ghost right and she said that now her ghost husband is stalking her and she wants an exorcism and she said she's at the end of her tether. She doesn't want to admit defeat but feels like being married to a ghost doesn't

work. I remember reading this thing on delusions before. It's actually really, I must find, I must dig it out again and it was so interesting. Like she, I'd say she fully believes that is her, that's her reality. Like for sure. They're used to, do you know what a really common delusion

back in the day was what that you were made of glass so when glass kind of arrived on the scene and no one really understood like they were kind of

trying to get their head around what it was loads of people well not loads of people but like they found these books and these asylums believed that they were

made of glass so they wouldn't let anyone touch them or they wouldn't sit down there was some really famous king who thought he was made of glass and this is genuinely their reality it's a delusion and like and delusions they say like they're so terrifying

because you that you believe in them completely like because i then went on a little deep dive and like so there was a man who married himself and it was one of my favorite ones because i thought you know what if you're gonna do it do it right marry yourself he married so it was him in a suit and then he was holding a doll with his face printed on it, and he married himself. Was he trying to make like a political point, or is he just? He had a hundred friends and relatives watching the wedding. Obviously, they were watching because it was so ridiculous,

but still, people actually went there. You're the one who married the dolphin. She finally took the plunge and proposed in January 2006. The lucky guy plunged right back in a modest ceremony at the Dolphin Reef in the southern Israeli port of Eilat.

When was this? Because Fungi's been missing for a while now. And Fungi, I don't know if you know, Jo, Fungi's our dolphin. He disappeared. So maybe he eloped. That'd be a better end to that story

than he just floated off and died and Kerry So maybe he eloped. That'd be a better end to that story than he just floated off and died and Kerry's now out of business. Maybe he eloped. Imagine Fungi's living a new life. He's married. He floated off to Israel and he got married. What a great ending to that story. He didn't invite a single

person from Ireland to the fucking turncoat. Who's doing these ceremonies what priest like how desperate are the Catholic Church for business actually I'm assuming it's a Catholic wedding

it probably wasn't if it's in Israel but like how desperate are they for business they're like yeah yeah we'll do Anthony yeah nothing that's cool

you want to marry a wardrobe no worries well people do marry couches and stuff like that I just didn't even bother writing them down

because they were so bizarre this one reminded me of Postman Pat so a postman in Germany married his black and white cat that's bestiality

like you can just because you put a ring on it doesn't mean you're not that's still bestiality I've made an honest cat of her this is a genuine

relationship I have to say the cat was quite good looking in fairness and if you had your way with that horse up in Scotland you would have him married and locked down

so have you seen all this chat this chat gpt stuff oh spencer won't stop going on about it yeah he never stops talking about it so i listened to this so you know the way we love a bit of ai and kind of where it's going and everything so there's it there's kind of two seems to be like two sides some people like it's thick as shit don't worry about it other people are like this is the end of the human race and all these tech leaders have signed this big kind of um letter now saying we need to stop advancing ai because it's it's they're going to we're we're teaching them to update themselves and they're going to end up doing it that they're smarter than us but anyway so this because now people are

they have access to the chat GPT shit themselves basically like it's going to be like an iPhone yeah someone someone tweeted me and she's like

she went in or he went in to chat GPT and he went write a joke in the style of Joanne McNally do you want to hear

how offensive this is yeah sure here's a joke in the style of Joanne McNally. Do you want to hear how offensive this is? Yeah. Sure, here's a joke in the style of Joanne McNally. I used to think my life was a tragedy, but now I realise it's a comedy, especially when I try to do yoga. I mean, have you ever seen a pug trying to do downward dog? It's like

watching a sausage roll trying to unroll itself. It's a hot mess, and I'm pretty sure I'm not getting any of the benefits, but hey, at least I'm getting a laugh out of it that's actually not the one I wanted to show you where is the one

I wanted to show you tell me a joke in the style of Jerome McNally here's the one I wanted to show you there's obviously a couple of them out there

sure here's a joke I'm Irish which means I'm genetically predisposed to alcoholism yeah so AI racist and predisposed to alcoholism. Yeah.

So AI, racist, and factually correct all at the same time. But I'm trying to be responsible and cut back on my drinking. The other night, I went out with my friends and ordered a glass of wine,

but then I spilled it all over myself before I even took a sip. Haha. So I decided to call it a night and go home. And you know what? I woke up feeling great. So I decided to call it a night and go home. And you know what? I woke up feeling great. So I guess you could say

that I accidentally discovered the secret to sobriety. Just spill all your drinks. Wow. Yeah. AI is not funny. I'm not worried about that. Are you?

I'm not worried at all. I wouldn't worry. I think your career is safe. I think I'm okay. I do think that we need to be careful about it because have you seen Terminator? That's where we're headed.

Terminator. They will find a way to be in robots. And I don't want that policeman chasing after me. No thanks. Sorry. So this is what made me think of it when you were talking about the people marrying the animals. So ChatGPT had this

people were kind of starting relationships with chat they were having these sexual conversations with these robots and then

I don't really understand it I don't really understand the intricacies of it but basically ChatGPT took it off as an option so you couldn't talk sexy to the robots

and all these men were like heartbroken because they were like I'm in a relationship with that robot so then they allowed talk sexy to the robots and all these men were like heartbroken because they were like I'm in a relationship with that robot so then they allowed certain people to do it because they genuinely

they were going out with their computer like full blown in their mind full blown going out with these robots AI

chat bots whatever you call them I don't know I know but like and they had to let them go back and be with their artificial intelligent girlfriends because they're like she's all

I have in my life I've been talking to her every night every day for like years and whatever look again I don't know the intricacies you know I like to bring

vague stories with little facts but it's true and there was one guy who completely I think he was actually kind of a tech guy and he fell in love with his AI

and he's like I'm in love with her so I don't know where we're going but it's not a good place. But like, it's like, have you ever seen that Louis Theroux documentary where they have those sex dolls? And they just fall in love with their sex dolls. And they're like, they're like figuring out ways to clean out their mouths and stuff like that.

Because they've just jizzed all over the dolls. But a lot of people live in rural areas. And they can't meet people. And I'd rather Joseph in the middle of nowhere has someone to spend his evenings with regardless if she's inflatable. He deserves. I think

He deserves love. Going to chat GPT or whatever is not so bad because people have internet relationships all the time and never meet the person. That's very true. What's the difference?

This person might actually have a little bit of sense to them so your mom is a gas bitch as we know from last week um yeah but did you see like i always think that chris jenner seems like quite a nice mom, but I'm so obsessed with the Kardashians. That's probably why I do. Did you see what she came out with this week? I think I did. She came out saying that she was a squirter. She just came out and told people.

I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot of information for your mother to be delivering, isn't it? Jo, do you know what that is babe yeah she went on a podcast and and said that she often squirts during sex

like like I even think that like sometimes there's sometimes just too much information even if you're not like a grandmother to like 15

kids you just you don't come out and say like it's it's yeah I know and I don't think we have a lot of boundaries so even if we're even I don't know I don't come out and say like it's yeah I know and I don't think we have a lot of boundaries

so if we're even I don't know I don't know it's Chris Jenner like I don't know I don't know what I think about that half of me thinks

oh sex positive go for it she's a woman of a certain age she's still like squirting I don't feel like I need to know if anyone does that

come on it's just not acceptable part of me would love to be a squirter the other part would not because how do you fake an orgasm you'd have to put a water balloon I don't feel like I need to know if anyone does that. Come on. It's just not acceptable. Part of me would love to be a squirter. The other part would not because how do you fake an orgasm? You'd have to put a water balloon up yourself or something. I feel like they know anyway.

Pop yourself when they're not looking. What? I don't think, I can't get away with that. Like they know. They know. Spenny knows. Spenny knowsny knows yeah and when we used to think we were getting away with it they we weren't they just didn't give a shit yeah they didn't care like whatever okay fine they're like you fake away babe

we're like got away with that one wink wink oh god when I was in Australia they do this thing where when you ask for a glass of wine at dinner they do this kind of performative wine pouring

where they don't just pour it and give you the glass they put the glass down and they bring the bottle out and you all just sit in silence

while they really slowly pour this glass of wine but I was like oh this is great because I can kind of I can distract them I'll distract them and ask them where they're from and stuff so that they keep pouring but they don't they're on to me they see the line or whatever but I was like I don't want the performative I don't want the ceremony of the do you know what I mean it's like it's like foreplay I don't need it for wine just fucking just I can't bear to watch them pour it to the line it frustrates me so much

I'd rather they did it privately and just brought me my measured glass because there's nothing you can do they won't go over the line they just won't go over the line they've very strict boundaries

in Australia with wine they just won't go over the line I tell you what the measures in Portugal are actually quite small as well in Portugal are they? sorry I just wasted

two seconds of my life there yeah they're quite small I was kind of surprised I've had to go on the doubles here unless you free pour yourself what yeah I know

the measures here are tiny I think they're smaller than Irish measures they have to be there was a girl in a restaurant I went out I did my usual

single woman Sunday I went for dinner on my own but I mean it's just every day is single woman Sunday at the moment to be honest like I'm not to wear my own Australia and New Zealand yeah I'm actually really loving my own but I mean it's just every day a single woman Sunday at the moment to be honest like I'm not doing my own Australia and New Zealand yeah

I'm actually really loving my own time anyway and she did this really psychopathic thing that I was looking so I was sitting at the bar because when you're on your own

you very rarely get a table they'll just put you at the bar so you're just staring at the staff but then watching them cook up your watching them cook up your meal and

I was like glass of Pinot Grigio the usual and she came over and she poured meal and I was like glass of Pinot Grigio the usual and she came over and she poured it and there was like about that much like you know

about like a fraction of a glass left in the bottle and didn't she fucking take the thing back and put it in the fridge and I swear to God I felt like it was

a weird power play because obviously I've got control issues around wine and I was like you bastard I said I'm never doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival again I said this is an absolute disgrace

good luck I'm out I'm done back to Wetherspoons for me where they give you a pint of peanut grigio and they ask you no questions good night and good luck I've been Joanne McNally

and she is and remains to be Ver Williams Bye.