My Therapist Ghosted Me - No Spoilers!

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Vogue gets way too close when it comes to spoilers this week, but fear not, the censor beep keeps it all in check, so you're safe! Meanwhile, Joanne runs down the Goop Gift Guide and bends over backwards for her Uber rating.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. I'm glad that we've completed the morph into each other, both sitting here in black t-shirts. We didn't confirm with each other. We're crew. This is what backstage crew are. We're mimes now.

We need to get some Patagonia and some Carhartt and then we're in. What's the other one? North Face. Some Caterpillar boots. Snicker pants. Snicker pants.

No, no, no. All the sexy little pockets. What's the sound like? We're backstage in the INEC in Killarney. Is the sound a bit ropey? Yeah, that's fine. What can you do? Can I just say?

We are where we are. That I would like to congratulate Kerry on being so goddamn gorgeous. Oh my God, I know. Kerry, like flying in. I mean, I was at the very end of Selling Sunset and I still said to myself, I said, I'm going to turn it off. And sell Killarney.

To look out the window. Yeah. Because this is amazing, wasn't it Jo? Yeah. It was. What's it called? God's, there's always, every county has a net. Wicklow is the garden of Ireland.

Kerry is God's basket or something. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Google it there Jo. What is Kerry? Jo can't get over it, how gorgeous it all is. Is Kerry God's, it's not God's basket or something. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Google it there, Jo. What is Kerry? Jo can't get over it, how gorgeous it all is. Is Kerry God's,

it's not God's basket. It's God's wicker basket. God's, no, that couldn't have anything to do with a basket. Kerry's not a basket. Is Kerry God's vegetable patch? It says it's the kingdom of God. The kingdom of God,

that's it, and you have something to do with God. Yeah, you were really close there with God's basket dublin is um the pigeon's nest the pigeon's dumping ground the chicken fillet ralph of ireland here's the kingdom of carrie the kingdom we're in the kingdom we don't have a royal family joe we've got car. Royal County Kerry. Just even looking out, being like, God. London, like, I love London.

I'm not saying anything about London, but, like, I do. Let's not upset the Londoners. I'm not going to upset the Londoners. I'm just saying that it's a feast for the eyes when you come into somewhere like Kerry, somewhere to land, and there's no, like, big city or anything like that. And I feel like sometimes that I may regret not spending more time in open air spaces you're so diplomatic look at you just you're like a diplomat she's keeping all options open you'll live anywhere it could be London it could be Kerry piss no one off

I would enjoy them all equally equally equally as each other everyone's the same I have to say no I need to be somewhere where I can like, I need to be able to get a takeaway because I've been places like where we go to Christmas in Scotland. Like, like there's no pub.

That's very remote. You can definitely get a takeaway in Killarney. I can rest assured. The town's fucking hopping. The town is massive. Where we're staying though, it's a little bit further out.

I can't pronounce it. Agadó. Agadó. That is right. I thought it was an Irish out I can't pronounce it Agadá Agadá that is right I thought it was an Irish pronunciation I was like Achadíl

I was like where are you staying I was like Achadíl he's like Agadá Agadá Agadá

Agadá Heights Agadá Heights because it's it's up in the hills of Clarny it looks over Cairn Two Hill one of the

the manager there I think I'm in but please stop bastardising us you're hanging out with Jo too long the manager the manager has a

twang like I was like oh that's a lovely Kerry accent he's from Poland with a Kerry accent I know it's amazing he was like

can I not do him and I was like where like this is the greatest mashup I've ever heard can I not do him it's so pretty but uh I went for a little run earlier because a death run that's what I do now Joanne has turned into me and I have turned into Joanne I don't know how it's happened but I want to swap back I know well I don't I'm having a great time running around at

6am what's wrong with me I'm not I'm either evolving or having a breakdown we won't know for another couple of months I will say you have said and I'm not trying to pat myself in the back but pat pat I have gotten it from you and I've gotten it from Una today you two after spending a year with me are more organized Jo are you, are you more organized? A little bit, yeah. A hundred percent. I definitely am. And I signed to Vogue. You're welcome.

We're both putting our makeup on there in the mirror, which you won't see any of on these clips because Jo hates us. Yeah, because it's miles away, the camera. It's far enough away that it doesn't matter if we had no makeup on anyway. I said to Vogue, I was like, you've really, I said, Vogue, I've gotten much better putting on makeup because of you. Like, I'm better putting on makeup and Vogue just kind of

looked at me with a cock eye you could see she was going no you're fucking not she's like you clown it is better when we started in the gaiety I was watching you

do your makeup and I was like what's she doing I cannot remember since I've spent this much time with you I will say with confidence my face almost

matches my neck now. And that is saying something because it was never even close before. Am I judgy? Is that why everyone's changing? Because I look, I look at them. No, I think you, I think I've rubbed off on you as well. Yeah, no, definitely. I'm more chill.

I like to spend more time on my own. Yeah, you're learning to be on your own. I'm drinking a lot more. One of the reasons we're staying in the hotel we're staying in because the rest of the crew are staying somewhere else because I have a real rubber arm it would seem.

They went on the pistol 3am last week and thank God I wasn't in the same place as them because I too would have gone. And I am hiding with you

in the Acheter Heights because I have a rubber arm a rubber wrist rubber knees rubber ankles and a rubber neck. And I just don't want

to get involved. I want to get involved. I want to get involved. I want to dip the toe in and leave. Oh, do you know how else I've turned into you? Joe was the smuggest bastard I've ever seen waltzing into the restaurant today. I had left my passport in the taxi. Very unusual for me. Very unusual.

Joe, I'm really annoyed you found that because that could have taught her a valuable lesson. That if you hadn't been found he well you should have seen the face on him walking in it's like he's he'd won a lottery ticket or something

like flashing my passport because he did and he gave it back you could have sold that I don't care I don't even need a passport there's some sexy European criminal

would love to be rocking around the place using your passport and he'd get away with it he would and he absolutely would couple of highlights on him not a fucking bother in fact he'd probably have to wear heels and he'd probably have to lower his voice tone i'm not i don't did you i thought you had your password like chipped and there's like a lock on it weirdly you know if i have my luggage with those

little error tags uh but supposedly not i'd use them anymore because the battery could explode but I should put one in my passport but then Louisa said to me today my manager she was like oh you have a spare passport and I was like

actually I don't and strangely enough Joanne has one why don't I have a spare passport you have a spare passport you told me you had a spare passport oh I do from the visa situation

you've lost a spare passport do you have it honestly I don't I actually don't keep like I don't keep track of that Rick I think is gathering a dossier of my identities. Rick is my English agent, so. I don't need to keep a document of anything because Neil Wilson, my stepdad, has all of it. He has my old, he's my divorce certificate. Who keeps that? Neil Wilson. He's got my birth certificate. He's got all my kids' birth certificates. He's got copies of all my kids' passports. I am going to be in serious trouble when he, you know you know well this sounds to me like Neil is preparing to go on the run that's all I would say

to you I know why do I have a second passport Rick I don't need one why are you why are you I say if anyone needs one you need one and evidently now I need one speaking of losing and finding things I obviously struggle in that area and I'm trying to improve that area of my life so when I was getting off the train in Killarney today I checked under my seat to see if I had dropped anything because I'm sick I'm still

I'm sick and tired of it at this stage I'm sick of my own bullshit anyway I found someone else's wallet I saw that on your insta yeah launched

I was thrilled I was like oh my god it wasn Yeah. Launched. I was thrilled. I was like, oh my God. It wasn't me. Not only have I not lost something, I get to give the gift of finding someone's wallet back to them.

There was a little bit of cash in it and some cards. And I was like, I could not be happier to take the cash and send this wallet back to this young child. Which is exactly what I did.

So that he learns a lesson. Did you actually find the owner? Yeah. So I put it up on the gram. Now, what I could have done is post it back to this young child which is exactly what I did so that he learns a lesson did you actually find the owner yeah sent it put it up on the gram now what I could have done is post it back to his bank but I just know when you lose your cards

I cancel everything straight away I'm like this saves him if I can find him online it saves him cancelling all that shit and makes me feel good about myself did you actually find him online

yeah his girlfriend got in touch aww that's so nice I'm thrilled at myself I'm absolutely thrilled I say it's true I can retire now I was going to donate

to the Simon community for Christmas I don't need to now I've done my bit you've done your bit of charitable work I've done my bit Joanne and I have

a group as we've said before where we send stuff back and forth all the time about things that we'd like to talk about in the pod this week I don't know what we were doing

or what we were on our phones too much obviously because we had hundreds of things so we've had to pluck our favourite things from the hundreds of things that we've had

what's happened so one of my favourite things and I'm sorry to bring it up again but I'm bringing it up it had something to do with sleep oh for fuck's sake I know but listen but you have to listen to me

you have to listen to me just go and do a VO for a calm fucking episode just go be the voice of sleep I pay 80 quid a month a year for calm stop you'd want to see

the apps I've downloaded they get you on the okay this is actually a call out for anyone right if you've subscribed to an app remember to unsubscribe or else they

take another year out of your thing they do it like and it's actually not the person whose app it is i used to work for an app and not that i worked for the app i did like fitness stuff for a different app before and people were really annoyed that they'd taken a subscription out but unless you cancel it yeah i know it's just a rolling yeah you're signing your soul away basically i'm the same i'm like oh They're like oh We've just renewed your You know when you can Turn yourself into an emoji

There's something You're like There's an extra 100 quid a year And I'm like what What I know it actually Really all adds up as well

But I I use cam for one thing For white noise I just need to YouTube white noise So I'm dying for that Subscription to end And not resubscribe

Well I fall asleep Listening to murder I'm sorry I'm part of the problem I'm sorry I don Subscription to end And not resubscribe Well I fall asleep Listening to murder I'm sorry I'm part of the problem I'm sorry I don't know how you do that I don't know There's a woman called

Kendall Ray I find her very soothing Her voice It's not Why do I know that name Kendall Ray Oh no I'm thinking of Succession

I never got into it You have to But I only got into it On the way to Australia Yeah I just need to Really commit to it I just I kept zoning out

For some reason You have to concentrate you can't be on your phone yeah there was a bit of I've been on my phone since your no no no no no okay

stop how long does a spoiler last for forever what yeah don't listen to this so basically

I'd never watched it before don't tell me I haven't watched it either well I was just gonna tell you a story around it I'm not gonna mention who it is so I'm just gonna I'm not gonna I'm not gonna mention who it is I think it's

I think it's anyway but I'm not oh you fucked it now now I'm trying to tell you what happened so Spenny was like he was obsessed with succession he used to watch it when it came out so he'd watch it all the time all the time and I hadn't watched it and i saw something on the daily mail and as he was about to watch the newest episode i was like and he was so annoyed because it was really unexpected and i was just like i'm really sorry like i actually ruined that whole thing for you and so the whole time i've watched it he's like i'll tell you what happens buddy i'm like no and when that scene came up right i'm like i'm just getting ready to watch another episode and he's like it's now.

I was like, fuck you, Svenny. Okay, if you're that passionate, you should have watched it when it came out. Okay? Okay. Fair point. Okay, grant. The dog of Marley and me dies I read this

thing Dakota Johnson said and she's the she's an amazing actress and she goes out with Chris Martin

she basically has said that she's not functional if she gets less than 10 hours sleep and can and likes to get 14 hours of sleep every night. She meditates twice a day and when she feels stressed, she gets straight into the bath, no matter what's going on in her day.

If she's stressed, she gets straight into the bath. I found that insane. That's the life you want. No, it's not the life I want. 14 hours sleep, like that leaves you 10 hours in your day to get everything done and she's spending half of them in the bath how hold on who was her doctor how is she sleeping for 14 hours a night so listen yeah where's michael jackson's doctor is he out of prison because this

this sounds like he's back working like what the fuck i find it really weird i'm like well how do you like carve out time for anyone in your life? How do you work? And I was Googling it. What you're supposed to get if you're being a really healthy human is seven to nine hours a night. And the Sleep Foundation said if you're oversleeping more than nine hours in a 24 hour period, you must have something wrong with you, basically. Sorry, there's a Sleep Foundation? Yeah, I'm obviously an active member.

Hello? Are you on the board of the sleep foundation? Yes, I am the CEO of the sleep foundation. That's like having a breathing foundation. What do they do? Okay, fine. How are you going to breathe? Did you ever, actually,

I know I'm segwaying a tiny bit here. Did you ever? A tiny bit? I'm just watching this going, what happens next? When you were growing up, did you never get like i remember when i started to realize that i was breathing because like it's just a natural thing

you do and so when i was younger i'd be like i'd be like really scared that i'd forget because you overthink it that's part of your mental condition really worried about it when i was younger anyway i found it very, like, it's like one of those things that you hear off The Rock or what's his name, Mark Wahlberg. It's like, what? It was so intense. But it's the opposite, which I like. They're the opposite.

They're like, I get up at 3am and eat a raw chicken. She does seem very chill. Oh, I was going to say, while it does surprise me, of course, that anyone could actually box off that much time for themselves with a full career the way she has. Also, when you look at her her she does look very zen but even the way she speaks in interviews it's just really zen and chill she probably just had a bath before she got the red carpet she sounds like someone who has maybe circled the plug hole of mania at some stage

and now she's figured out all her self-care that she needs to keep herself on track and it's it's a lot of sleep a lot of a lot of baths she said to her she said that sleep was the most important thing in her whole life she sounds like kind of cleopatra meets you i know but you know what i when she was like i have to get into a bath when i'm stressed i'll get into the bath i'll set it up for myself i might even light myself a candle and as soon as i'm in the bath i'm like i'm too hot too hot i have to get out I'm sweating I have to get out too hot and I'm like I don't waste the bath water this is a waste I haven't even in 10 minutes so a bath that's meant to be like relaxing I'm like I've wasted the bath water like this is just terrible I'm like Penny

do you want to have my bath water just as someone will use it just defrost something in it throw throw a chicken in it no I just don't love being in the bath for too long. No. It's the idea of the bath is better than the reality of the bath. But did you see the photo with Dakota holding hands with Gwenny P? Well, Gwenny P, well, I was going to go on to her

because I assumed that Gwenny P must have rubbed off on Dakota because Dakota's basically going out with Gwyneth Paltrow's ex, Chris Martin. Who seems like a lovely man. Oh my God. Yeah, I'd love to go see them in concerts. That's a great Christmas present idea if Paul throws ex Chris Martin who seems like a lovely man oh my god yeah I'd love to go see them in concert

that's a great Christmas present idea for each other we're going to Girls Aloud oh yeah we're going to Girls Aloud sorry Jo we're going to Girls Aloud for a Christmas party me and Vogue have decided

to swap something of equal value so basically I buy something for myself Vogue buys it for herself and we say nothing about it happy Christmas so we're doing a team night out

for the girls yeah yeah we apologise you go with the boys yeah no you can we'll hire someone

we'll hire a boy yeah and we've decided to give each other the gift of girls allowed yeah which I think is a fantastic gift Jo

blue are warming up for them so maybe you can go and see that will be good for you yeah are blue warming are blue opening for Girls Aloud no I made that up

so so I thought that Gwyneth must have like rubbed off on Dakota in some way that she's doing the 14 hours of sleep night

because obviously she's known for doing mad stuff so I was looking up some of the mad stuff she's done yeah she has done rectal ozone therapy ah yeah i've done that ah come on i'm sorry rectal ozone therapy

blows ozone three oxygen atoms uh up the anus to what end it assists with healing and reduces inflammation blowing the ozone hole up your hole. Yeah. I've never heard anything more ridiculous. I know, but this is, remember she did the vaginal steaming and which, like she follows a liquid based paleo diet. So liquid, she just drinks liquid. So she blends everything.

Oh, to have that discipline. I know. Jokes, by the way. I eat solid food and i'm thrilled about it she she said that water has feelings so you shouldn't be like no no no you see this is what i'm telling you now gwyneth is the cutest sexiest troll in the world she's not just taking the piss she's absolutely taking the piss i know but there's a few things I agree with. Ayahuasca and psychedelics. Perfect.

Yeah. She gets into that and I think that they can be very opening for the mind. The rectal stuff is fucking stupid but whatever. I think she's kind of

taking the piss. Saying water has feelings like that could get you sectioned. Like that's absolutely ridiculous shit. She's been stung by bees on purpose.

Stung by bees. Oh yeah no no that's fair. Yeah yeah yeah Are you mad Well the vampire facial It kind of It damages your skin So that your collagen

Has to rise to the surface Nobody is getting stung Okay When was the last time You were stung by a bee I was gonna say No who was it One of my

One of the saddest Scenes I saw in a film As a child was Oh I know My Girl yes it was devastating now

spoiler alert coming up for anyone who hasn't seen My Girl yet but it was spoiler alert to really work for a film that's 40 years old My Girl was huge

in the year 1862 just in case you haven't seen it your one dies of beating she didn't die Macaulay Culkin died what what was his name again oh my god you've ruined it. Your one dies of beating. She didn't die. Macaulay Culkin died.

What? What was his name again? Oh my God, you've ruined it for me. I completely forgotten that. Vader and Macaulay Culkin. What was Macaulay Culkin called? Folk, if I wanted to watch that again, I would have been, you've just taken that surprise away from me.

I was almost convinced it was her. Oh, and then they lay him out. Wasn't her dad the mortician? Yeah. Got it. Did he go in to get her mood ring or something he went back to find her mood ring because he was mad about it and then he kicked the bees nest this is what i mean about bees the last time i got stung by bees i was doing that show with bear grails years ago mission survive and i was like thinking i was deadly and i was like i'm just going for a wee here and so you'd have to go for a wee like in the open because like we were in a jungle and I went to um do we and I

remember crouching down I was beside this other girl who was on the show and I was like what's that she was like I don't know and I was like what is that and we're both just pissing and then all these bees started coming in but I got stung 17 times by African bees I had all these welts on my face like I had to run out on the road with my pants down because like. What? Yeah. Honestly bees are not good. What was it about your year round that threw the bees to you? It smelled like sweet honey. I don't think

they were attracted to honey. I think they just make it. Sweet nectar. I wonder what it was. I don't know what it was. I've drank a lot of Gatorade. In the jungle. It's so easily found. So funny she mentioned Gwyneth. So every year people do a kind of roundup of her gift guide from her goop business.

Oh yeah. Okay. Hit me. I will say this. The first thing I'd love to say about Gwyneth. I admire the fact she doesn't even try to be relatable. Doesn't give a shit. She's not

she's so brazen about her wealth that I think it's actually kind of I think it's funny. But there's no point in her trying to hide it either because

like she's very wealthy and I know someone who's met her and she's meant to be sound. She does have a sound vibe. And she's meant to be really sound

really nice really welcoming. You know the people who go be like how much is a liter of milk to see how relevant they are? I'd say she's like, I haven't a fucking clue and I don't care. Say she doesn't give a shit.

So we had a look at her gift guide. First thing we have. Okay. She has a backgammon set. I love backgammon. Do you know how much she's selling it for? How much? $14,000.

What? What's,000. What? What's it made out of? A human back, by the sounds of it. $14,000? Right. That must be what... She must have literally spooned out someone's spinal cord to make it. How else would it cost that much?

But you know what I always find funny? Someone's buying them. Like, they're on sale because people are buying them. It's ostentatious. I think it's kind of like they're on sale because people are buying them it's ostentatious i think i think it's kind of like a joke for rich people or else it's some nepo baby pricing it who doesn't have a clear doesn't understand what's fourteen thousand dollars in pounds that will work better for me eleven thousand pounds imagine having imagine we were doing secret santa and you were given a fourteen 000 budget for me and you bought me a fucking back

garment set i know i'd kick off yeah i'd kind of rather you paid my mortgage for me for a little while i'd be like i'm sorry were all the jewelry shops closed kerplunk for a tenner and then a huge fuck off ring please go on what else next, a 24 karat gold vibrator. Okay, that'll be... First of all, I would like to say that would be cold and I wouldn't enjoy. It's a 24 karat gold G-spot vibrator. Well, that changes things. That changes things. Yes, it does.

And do you know how much that is? Five grand. $15,000. $15,000. So just for reference, the backgammon set is a grand less than the 24 carat gold G spot has she got anything

normal on there like normal normal price I don't even have a G spot and I'd want that one do I have a G spot google that Jo do I

where is it 5 centimetres 8 centimetres inside aha that's why no one's ever touched it before so sorry

a woman does have a G spot inside I need hands your size come on let's go the show will be a little late tonight girls Joanne's learning

something about herself with the help of her good pal Bob further in Bob I don't feel anything I knew these spades would come in handy one day

how thrilled I am what's sleeping tablets do you have? These blue formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is like what you rub a dead body with. I actually do have sleeping tablets. Maybe I'll take a sleeping tablet tonight. 14 carat gold plated handcuffs. Oh, yes, please.

Can we please guess the price? Go on. Okay. 20 grand. No, actually, only $250, which I thought was very strange. Oh my God, that's a steal. I know. Tick, tick.

I can't. Anyway, so I was like, I'm going to buy them for you, Vogue. So when you do eventually get arrested for tax evasion, you can go through your arrest with the lifestyle you're accustomed to next up on the Christmas gift list a custom cabin which is basically

a house for between 200 grand and a million shut up that's not on it yeah it is you can just buy it's basically a shomer

do you know what a shomer is Jo? shomer is basically an outhouse they're an Irish company they build these outhouses for people who can put their parents down the garden who don't want to see them

I think they're like I think they're about like company they build these outhouses for people who can put their parents down the garden who don't want to see them I think they're like I think they're about like maximum 20 grand at home they're amazing amazing they plumb them so the parents don't have to come into the house

they are fab last but not least a five grand pair of Chanel roller skates okay fair come on I want them I thought you would

I don't know where I'm going in them but I want them I'm buying one for all your children they can all fucking squeeze themselves in. Five grand. Like, but Chanel are like,

Chanel prices are so outrageous. Like somebody, I follow all these like secondhand designer shops where people like sell their secondhand clothes. Yeah. And like even the Chanel stuff, like I'm like, oh my God,

that top's gorgeous. Top, a top. Yeah. And it's like 6,000 pounds. They're out's gorgeous top at top yeah and it's like six thousand pounds they're out of their minds who the fuck is spending six thousand pounds

on a second hand top so actually this is good value because it's a shoe but it's got little wheels on it do you know what I mean so you're getting a lot for five grand there

I don't know I can see someone zipping down the Met Gala red carpet in one of them I just I wonder like it's just

she's out of her mind I genuinely think she's taking the piss out of us I really do although my brand's just she's out of her mind I genuinely think she's taking the piss out of us I really do although my brand has decided to bring out a line of hungry hippos

bejeweled hungry hippos I've growed for jazzling them now I don't really know 20k 20k a board game I think that when you're

when you're buying someone a gift I always think that like someone was asking me about presents and how I buy people presents like I'm

I like I will keep in mind things that people have said that they liked over the year. And I'm like, I'll get them that for Christmas. Like Amber mentioned something she liked like three months ago. And I'm like, I'll get her that for Christmas. And then she'll remember it, even though we're dancing for Santa. I think that it's nicer to have a gift like that. Yeah.

What are you giving your child Louis Vuitton for? Like it's so stupid. Absolutely bizarre. They have. She had a Hermes dog house I remember Otto

or not Otto Theodore was why were Hermes even making dog houses there'd be no better shit to do at your time there'd be decadent dogs I really love dogs

with Theodore though Theodore was sent a pair of Fendi socks when he was a baby obviously they've gone through Gigi and now Otto and I'm just gonna start

like putting them on their toes they're so excited imagine buying a pair of Fendi socks for your kid that's crazy could I wear them

as mittens you could your little hands I couldn't that wouldn't even fit the thumb of me give them to the dogs the mystery

of the 63737,000 ring Yeah at the Ritz has been solved So the Ritz in Paris is an amazing hotel super expensive super high end

five star I've seen it in like the Bourne films Yeah it would be one of them and so basically a person Thank you for explaining

what the Ritz is to me Vogue I've actually never been high-end do you want high-end you might have seen it in the movie I don't mean to be offended I don't mean to be offensive towards the ritz but I would say there's more high-end hotels they're probably they were probably huge in the day although yeah I think that they're kind of like their name is meant to be really high-end but I don't know how high end. Yeah, they're basically an Ibis now. Yeah, exactly.

Basically. But this was what annoyed me about this, right? This person lost their ring. I saw this, yeah. Then started blaming the staff. And the ring was 637 grand. Anyway, there was an extensive search done for said ring. And it was eventually found in a vacuum cleaner bag.

But then the Ritz offered the woman who lost the ring three free nights to stay in the Ritz. She should be like, I'm really sorry. That person that I tried to blame, I will give them some money for being a dick. Fuck, I'll tell you this much. If I was going to steal a ring, I'd fucking hoover it up as well. That's actually not a bad way to steal a ring. Exactly. I'm actually going to go back to the hotel tonight and fucking hoover it up as well. That's actually not a bad way to steal a ring. Exactly. I'm actually going to go back to the hotel tonight and start hoovering Liz's.

Yeah, exactly. Like, you want to, don't take that engagement ring off you or you'll find me doing the housekeeping tomorrow. I'll be fucking straight into yours. Where have the curtains gone, Vogue Hoover? Dicing on each hand. It really backfired on the woman who owned the ring. However, if a ring that expensive

goes missing in a hotel room, you're gonna, you know what I mean, start shooting the place up. I mean, I don't know. I just don't think

that they should have offered her the three free nights. That kind of bothered me. Yeah, I know. I'm like, come on, she can pay for them. Her ring was worth 637 grand.

She's okay to pay. The Hoover should be fired. Exactly. They got rid of that Hoover. There's no more Henry the Hoover's in the fired exactly they got rid of that hoover there's no more henry the hoovers in the ritz paris because of what happened henry's doing hard time in paris but you know what i will say so do you know my you know i'm always talking about losing airpods but i lost remember the airpods that i lost in the hotel yeah in hot in so and then i

found them on my find my airpods i rang up the hotel I was like where my airpods I left my airpods behind and they were like oh we'll ring you if we find them never heard back and then so I kind of just wrote it off and then I I because I kind of forget you can do find my so I did find my airpods and they were still in the hotel so I rang back and I said they're in the hotel and they're like are you sure it's like yes they're in the hotel housekeeping blah blah blah they're like we're right there I'm back we find them um and so they sent them out to me but the airpods when i started using them they are now listed to a different name and someone else's email address no and the reason they were coming up and find my location in the hotel is because they were being used in the hotel

by someone who works in the hotel. No. Yes. Well, now here's something I would do. And I'm not trying to be a dick because there's one thing and I can't stand dishonesty and I can't stand lying. And I think that if somebody's doing something like that, I would say to the hotel, and this might sound controversial. Because they have their name and their email address. Yeah, I might sound controversial, but I would say to the hotel, this has now been listed as this. Because that's stealing. So when I tried to use my airpods they were like by the way when you use these airpods this person at this account will know you're using their airpods I was like who the

fuck are they and then I realized yeah so it's it's listed do you know what I decided I said I said to myself that person was they found a pair of airpods they decided to make the most of it grand then when I called back a second time they were saying enough to go do you know what give the airpods back

so I was like I'm not going to do it gross they've been in someone else's ears you know how I feel about shit like that disgusting

those airpods could have been a live prop in two girls one cup and I still would use them you are absolutely I think my ear my ear

if my ears have survived germs up to this point I didn't even I honestly didn't even you are absolutely I think my ear my ear if my ears have survived germs up to this point I didn't even I honestly didn't even think of that I wouldn't even Spenny was like let's watch this movie together

he handed me one of his airpods I was like no thanks are you serious I can't I have a real thing about it I can't oh my god you haven't seen his airpods

you haven't seen it it's like a fucking Joe Malone gone wrong I will tell you do you know when I realised someone else had taken my airpods and haven't seen it it's like a fucking joe malone gone wrong i will tell you do you know when i realized someone else had taken my airpods and we're living a happy life with them i looked at them was like god i hope they don't think i'm really dirty now i hope i wonder what how did they have to clean the box or do they think i'm gross now how is the box and the box is fine

did they clean the box if they were well i'll tell you what i would let somebody shit on my doorstep and say nothing but I would not let somebody steal my airpods and put them in their own name and not say anything because I just don't like robbers even though I come from

a background of robbing I just don't agree with this I guess they just were like oh sorry I'm a pair of airpods and they didn't expect me to come back a second time but I did because they were in the location

you can't keep a good dog down because they were in the location so I just assumed they were still hidden somewhere so obviously I went into like a lost and found hole oh yeah well so because people lose shit all the time everyone loses shit all the time all the time some stuff that were found and this is actually for in Paris they have a collective place where all the lost and found stuff in Paris goes to they found a human skull oh what yeah and they get up to 700 items a day which I didn't think was that much for Paris um so other things that have been found a baby was found in a New York taxi the mother forgot the baby forgot and

they handed it into a lost and found no obviously the taxi driver brought it to this is a different this isn't in paris this was in new york he brought us to the police station and the mother was just like beside herself obviously because she'd forgotten the baby maybe she was just knackered and she just forgot i love the idea of just putting a label on a baby and putting on a shelf i mean like if someone comes back for they come back for it if they don't they don't the baby lives here now i did I tell you I forgot the dogs outside tea school last week

what so you bring the dogs it's inside a gate right and you clip them to this dog they have little things for you

to put water things and like you just clip the dogs to these things while you go drop the kids to school off I went

to Gail's to get myself a coffee up the road still haven't joined the app I will and I was like it's got to feel light was she going to't joined the app I will and and I was like it's gotta feel light

with she she going to because I dropped she she off to nursery and I was like the fucking dogs I had to go back and the security guys were just standing there

looking at me I was like I'm really sorry left my dogs here I'll take them back now I did that with a bike before I was calling the guards

and all thought the house had been broken into and then found a chain to the centre down the road where it obviously cycles the night before for midnight treats um isn't it gas the way that i can track my airpods on my laptop but couldn't track my own children that woman lost her child in a taxi and didn't

know well you wouldn't really think that you'd lose a baby in fairness the chances of you losing airpods are much higher than losing a baby chip your kids I think that's the lesson I was thinking that the other day though right because T was asking me we lost Winston I sound like I'm always losing him we didn't lose him

when he's led off the lead in the park and he just fucked off the other way and we lost him for like 10 minutes and T was like what we do

I was like don't worry he's chipped and I was like why don't we chip each other yes I was like why isn't everybody chipped and I started googling chips

because then T wants to know what a chip looks like and I was googling and I was like it's't everybody chipped and I started googling chips because then T wants to know what a chip looks like and I was googling and I was like it's very small but it's really easy if you have to find my iPhone you can track anyone

it's very black mirror I will track my kids now I have to say when they eventually have iPhones around the age of 12 which I think is an okay age to have a phone

11, 12 I will track them 100% yeah I would I would as well oh my god I want all your pins all your login codes am I going to be like a want oh my god I want all your pins all your

login codes am I going to be like a drug dealer I'd want you on the dark web at 9 years of age no way that's what they do they do do magic

when they're older I'm going to be like a drug dealer I'm going to be following them around in a blacked out car watching and seeing what they're doing

they're not going anywhere out of my sight without knowing what they're doing I don't even know if I'd give them a phone I think I'd lock them in the basement

I've just noticed I'm wearing the bra again I'm throwing it away after crying sorry last thing a live lobster a live lobster Joanne

was found in an Uber in Alabama he had to log a live lobster joanne was found in an uber in alabama he had to log a live lobster as an item left in his car and no one knows what happened to the lobster i say he went into that man's tummy for some reason we have an image of this giant lobster sitting yeah like yeah smoking yeah two. On a phone. Yeah, what's going on? It amazes me.

Like, that guy who left the lobster in the car probably is a five-star passenger. I'm still not a five-star passenger. And I'm so kind and nice. But I realized the other day, I book Ubers for other people. And maybe those other people are being rude and causing my star rating down. You need to take accountability for the fact that you're a difficult Uber customer. I am not a difficult...

Okay, sorry. Sorry if I tip and talk. We've spoken about this. It's not fair. Vogue is like, if I tip you, I demand to speak to you. I'm allowed.

So, 12 years ago when my father passed away here's my birthing video now you can see the head coming through the canal stop don't remind me oh god we're here we're here sorry about that what was your name don't remind me of the birthing video when i've been drinking five stars for you derek and a two pound tip good look sometimes a five pound tip sometimes five I find myself because I know I'm getting reviewed

with Uber drivers I find myself I was going to say bending over backwards which is a great analogy I've seen it she does it metaphorically

bending over backwards no no just bending over touch your toes Joanne touch your toes I didn't realise your boot was so long whatever happens here whatever goes in the Uber

stays in the Uber give us a five star babe will you but I I really I really feel like I'm like performing for them as in

I'm like don't give me a bad rating because then I feel if they don't want to collect you that's it you feel like you're performing

you've got five fucking stars imagine how I feel I don't know I feel like trash when I get in that car well I've just admitted that I ride them

so I don't know what more you want I'm going to start unless you're willing to go the extra mile Vogue what do you expect how rude of me mine's more

more of a flashy tip yours is a financial one so I would just like to say that we have no ghosted tours anymore we finished yeah but fear not

Svenny and I are on tour you go you go pro go pro fear not Svenny and I are on tour in Ireland and we're coming to see you

and we can't wait tickets are on sale ticketmaster.ie Joanne has been to the show and she came as I'm sorry I found it quite emotional because I enjoyed it so much

I was very I was very clear about that at the time I was you saw me after I was very emotional very emotional I thoroughly

I enjoyed it so much it's a gorgeous show and it's good fun as well it's not it's really good fun it's not like you're not coming to watch Hamlet

or something like it's a pod show. Not at all. So we'd love to see you there. And that's it. And I promise I won't push it too much. Not. I'm going to push it every week.

Of course. Yeah. Plug, plug, plug, plug, plug. Thank you everyone for listening. That was. Thank you so much for listening. I really enjoyed that chat. Even if you didn't listen.

Thank you. Thank you. And if you sped us up to two times, I don't mind. I'm just glad you were here If your boyfriend came in and ripped your phone out of your hand And fucked it up the wall Because he hates us, thank you to him too We like to fly

We're caring so much We like to fly If we hit a wall, we hit a wall Thank you.