My Therapist Ghosted Me - Open To All...

Episode Date: April 1, 2022

There's lots to catch up on this week. Joanne needs to move house and has no idea how to do it and Vogue is done pretending... She's a comedian now, ok? Plus dating, tweaks and THAT moment at The Oscars. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally, and her, Vogue Williams, and him, Jo. We don't even know his surname. I don't even know. Oh my God, I don't know Jo's surname. Jo, what's your surname? Jo Producer. Jo Ashiwell. That's a funny surname

It is a funny surname It's silly isn't it? I'm dating again It's great I'm I say I'm I'm

You're doing well for yourself. Your skin looks good. You're putting yourself out there. I don't want to talk about dating as much on the pod because I might date multiple men. I don't want to find out about it. I remember, I remember one time, right? Because I think that is very important in dating

is to date lots of people so you don't become obsessive. It's why Spenny and i are married because i literally had no interest in him because i was too busy with there was three other people i was texting and uh and i remember i was doing that and i was in a soho shortage house and we used to go there all the time and this guy and i'd only kissed him like this guy one night and then he was sitting at a table and i sat with him, this was on a separate night and I was chatting to him because he was actually really sound. And then this other guy who I'd been texting, hadn't been on a date with by the way yet,

but we were meant to go on a date. And he came over and knew the guy that I'd scored like a few nights ago that I was chatting to and then figured it out and got really pissed off and called me like a prostitute. He said the word harlot harlot and I was like what the fuck is a harlot because he was a really posh English guy who was like you're a harlot and I'm like why I don't get it so yeah I got called out I got caught I love a slang term that you have to actually google you're like what am I I'm just googling you're like it takes you 20 minutes to get offended because you can't get on Wi-Fi to Google it. I went to date on Monday and we had seven mini fights. I called him arrogant.

He told me I had a chip in my shoulder. I'm going to meet him again. I don't think you have a chip on your shoulder. No, I do. He was like, you're quite guarded. You see, the problem is, I was like, I am quite guarded, but you kind of need to be in this business, I think. The business of being a harlot. No, I mean.

Harlot business is tough business. When your job was like this, because I'm not going to be fucking, I'm not, do you know what I mean? I'm not going to start sexting some lad I don't even know. I'd be very careful about sending some sexy pics.

I've only sent like one. I put nothing down nothing goes down what do you mean nothing there's a very obvious gag there that I'm not going to do obviously like

I don't nothing goes into the phone nothing gets written down well that's a good idea obviously I go down on occasion when I need things what

it's too obvious don't don't obvious don't don't we don't we all you know the way we're always talking about our lights like you're

light being on you're light being off and my like as in romantically or sexually and my I'm a bit like a lighthouse

it goes on and off very regularly maybe I'm premenstrual maybe that's what it is anyway when does it go off it's on now sometimes it goes off

and i find everyone physically repulsive do you know the way that that can happen yeah yeah definitely i had a day of that yesterday a day of people just people just repulsing me everybody i had to take some but i mean like physically like so if you match the guy and then he sends you like hey how are you like do you know what i mean you're like it's funny there are the times when I'm like I shouldn't be on the apps it's actually not fair because there's no

there's no point in me being here anyway no the apps are good the apps are good well we start off with a whinge okay always good to start

on a positive note I don't know if you keep seeing me I keep like throwing up in my mouth all the time right starting off anyone who's pregnant

out there I'm with you it's horrendous I feel awful I feel terrible for complaining about it but like I'm constantly vomiting

in my mouth all the time it's getting worse I was up at like one o'clock this morning watching Bridgerton because I couldn't sleep because I actually physically couldn't lie down

because it made me feel too sick I just float in the bath as long as I can I just it's just really hard I was gonna say how dare you give out it's a just it's really hard I was gonna say how dare you give out it's a blessing

it's a blessing Vogue it's a blessing you're honoured it should be an honour to be up the duff it's an absolute honour but my good Jesus it's hard

yeah no I don't I don't envy that part of it to be honest now it does seem like it's very physically draining. But like you're harvesting something inside. Like that's a that's a big job.

You're growing like little arms. There's little arms in you now. There's little arms and little eyes. There's little there's tiny eyes inside you. That is so weird. Oh, I don't like when you say the eyes. I don't know why the eyes are a bit scary. It's just eyes.

The eyelids probably haven't been grown yet so they're probably just wide open just eyes no everything is grown now he's lost the hair all over his body

he's like a full person I can feel sorry Joanne Joanne Joanne lives her mother is a nurse and she's still

like that's a chest infection go to the doctor I know I've said this to her I've said this to her all week and that's her same response I know

and then that's it I know I'm just not arsed I'd literally be waiting until I'd coughed up a lung on the patio and then I'd be like right okay

let's go let's head into the GP I know it's 50 euro in Ireland do you know that Jo? you have to pay 50 euro to go to the doctor no matter what's wrong with you

yeah yeah but I'm my cousin's a doctor and I remember her making a very valid point when she was like you'd never give out about the price

of someone coming out to check your dishwasher like this is your body I was like fair ah listen we can complain about whatever we choose to complain about

50 euro too much too much 50 quid to save your human life it's your to complain about. 50 euro, too much. Too much. 50 quid to save your human life. You're right, it's too much. It's too much. It's a rip off. I'll give you 30. 50 quid to have no pain in your life.

Absolute cowboys. Absolute robbers. Absolute cowboys. 50 euro is too much. Okay. It's too much a facial for 400 quid fine fine i can't see my inside so i don't care unless i can see a change i'm not interested yeah until the tumor starts protruding out the side of my stomach i will have nothing done about it. And if I can contour it into the shape of an ab,

I will, and I'll get on with my life until it explodes and I have to go to the doctor. I'll be like 50 quid. How have you not done a collab with a GP? I know. You're there 24-7. I really need to. I actually really need to.

But I've got my doctor here. I have to go see her every week now until the baby comes. But I actually need to. I actually really need to. But I've got my doctor here. I have to go see her every week now until the baby comes. But I actually feel embarrassed. Like, I nearly had to ring her the other night because I thought I was going into labor.

And like, I absolutely wasn't. I just started, I went and packed my bag and stuff at eight o'clock at night when that's bedtime for me. I actually went downstairs because Benny was like,

I'll do it for you. And I was like, I'm not trusting you to pack my hospital bag. Like, absolutely no way. He'd have me in white tracksuit bottoms and stuff like that

and I went down and packed it and he'd be bringing in lingerie for you and all to get dressed into before and after but he was giving

birth in a pair of suspenders because Spencer packed her birth bag darling you look so sexy now. With your little slushy dodgy paddle. They've sent us.

Yeah. Has that arrived yet? I need that for the hospital. They've sent. I should do, I should do, I should do a packing my hospital bag on my Instagram

and just have random shit like that in it. Like a butt plug. What was that Willie thing? The Willie thing. The Willie buzzer. The cock ring. It'd be so funny. I'd love to see a man pack a pregnancy bag or a baby bag.

No, but he's not in charge of that of that he'd put a saddle in it so he could ride you home but that's the thing even with her that the doctor that I'm paying that's expensive to have a baby over here and I was like I can't text her like I just seem like a weirdo like I know that I know like I can't I can't do it yeah I wouldn't pay 50 euro for a GP anyway I think going into birth I think that you can I think you can ring your doctor isn't that kind of like what you're all working towards I know cut her out of that part it's kind of a big part of the process you're like I'm too embarrassed I'm just too embarrassed but so I knew I thought you'd be busy I just I she's just so relaxed my

doctor she's like she wears buffaloes you remember buffaloes oh yeah she I just, she's just so relaxed. My doctor, she's like, she wears buffaloes. You remember buffaloes? Oh yeah, she's trendy. Yeah, she's Greek. She wears buffaloes. She's quite cool.

I just want to be relaxed around her. You said she's Greek like an explanation as to why she's wearing buffaloes. I said she's Greek as to why she's cool. You know how I feel

about nations. Yes, you do. The Greeks, I like the Greeks a the Greeks I like the Greeks a lot I like the Greeks a lot very stringent ideas about entire nations but go on

the whinging has made me feel better that's why I think like about doing this pod and everyone's like are you gonna people are worried about how much time

I'm taking off for the baby I'm like it's all I have it's making me feel good I know and to think you get paid for doing this we should be throwing we should each be throwing

Joe 80 pounds sterling at the end of each of these sessions because the amount of shit that gets vented and ranted on here then he has to listen to it again in the edit

and take it all out because none of it can be used for legal reasons oh yeah well I say Joe drinks heavily in the edit definitely next week I'm going to come on

really positive and I'm not going to win and I'll ice skate here because hell will have frozen over Jo what's going on with your hair it's like sorry I

just had a shower literally just had a shower before we did the recording it's just fluffy and wet What's going on with your hair? It's like, just looks completely different. Literally just had a shower before we did the recording. It's just fluffy and wet. You look like a... Go on. Go on. Spit it out.

Say it now. No, it was not. It was when you said fluffy and wet, I was going to say something else and I decided against it. I thought, Joanne doesn't like that talk in the podcast. No. It's fluffy and wet

you can talk about your ass again no my ass is not fluffy and wet thank god I got lazy I wouldn't know if my ass was fluffy and wet I can't see it anymore all of that is gone now I don't see anything anymore let's move on to more

highbrow topics please can I tell you about something I did this week yeah so I'm moving out of the

shared house I'm in because in London because the landlady's you know taking it back she's up in the round blah blah blah so I'm finally gonna move into somewhere on my own I think that's a great move like an adult

even though I don't particularly want to I don't enjoy my own company at all and also the admin of it I've always gotten away with kind of just skipping in when other people have already taken care of the lease and the bill. Like, do you know what I mean? And I just, I've never had to look after that. Like, I don't even open my own post. Like I've almost gone to prison several times. Like, so this is going to be high dramas. And I was like, I wish Theodore was out. When's he moving out? moving out oh my god Joanne I'd actually be quite nervous of that because even like

I'm an organisation queen and I nearly got a whopper bill for my house in Ireland because I didn't know you had to pay like land tax like there's all that shit

you're going to have to get someone on board to help you I know but anyway I was looking at the price of houses in London or the little apartments

and I was like I know rent is high, but I didn't know how high it was, because I have a pretty good deal in the shared house that I'm in. Yeah. It's outrageous. One place, I genuinely was like, that must be a two-bed,

there must be a bedroom out the back or something. For those prices, I was like, unless Stephen Fry is literally going to hand me freshly cut melon from out the back or something for those prices I was like unless Stephen Fry is literally gonna hand me freshly cut melon from out the fridge why are you charging those prices I know it's why I just I think you should move in with somebody like I'd like I wouldn't like to live on my own I thought you would be an alone person though but like uh because my job because I'm on my own so much for my job I like I like waking up and there's like a buzz of a radio in the kitchen

or someone's hanging out clothes or something just a bit of life in the house but honest to God the price I was like unless Prince Harry's the concierge

I cannot understand how they're charging those prices do you know what I actually need assisted living you know for elderly people yeah I'm sure we could organise that that would actually be good for you

I'm not even trying to be funny I'd love that assisted living yeah and like handrails up the stairs to help me get up when I'm sure we could organize that that would actually be good for you I'm not even I'd love that assisted living yeah and like handrails with the stairs to help me get up when I'm pissed stuff that they have for the old people we could get you a chair a seat to bring you up on really bad nights yeah exactly I need assisted living I think you need to live with somebody though because actually I'm kind of concerned about the bills situation. I think I want Theodore's room. I do serious damage to that rocking horse. Not in a disgusting way. I mean,

it's a great place to have a breakdown on a rocking horse. It does the rocking for you. You don't even have to rock yourself. Is that why you're always in Theodore's room

when you come over? Self-soothing on the rocking horse. Squealing away. That'll be fun though, moving into your own house, having all your own nice bits. I know. I'd hate it though.

I wouldn't like to live on my own. I think it's a bad idea. I think you should live with somebody. Not to rain on your parade. But the problem is I'm too old to live with a stranger now to be fair like i don't want to get you know what i mean it's that's too that's too much and i i live with too many girls at the moment they're all fantastic but i've there's too many of us we're like maggots in

the place um there was a suggestion of amber but everybody like honestly you only said it yesterday but whenever like and spencer's, they can't live together. They'd kill each, they'd die. They'd kill each other, yeah. They would die. No, I don't think you'd kill each other. I think that you would just lose

the run of yourselves. She's, yeah, we would, yeah, there'd be two, it would be, it'd be a little party house. She's too strict about things like money and bills and heating.

And remember, she'd go at me for the length of time I put the wash on in your house when I was only asking her how to use the machine. Do you remember? That's my house and I get in trouble for stuff. I went home at Christmas and it was so cold we had to wear our coats. I was like, Amber, no.

She's like a little blonde Scrooge. She still has her communion money she doesn't like to leave now I find myself with the energy crisis turning off all my lights and stuff

I have to say Spenny loves to leave every single I'm going to actually do a video one day of all the lights he leaves on it's shocking but this is

like I don't even know what an energy I don't even I didn't even know there was an energy crisis I'm going to die out there on my own. John,

you would leave, you do leave all the lights on as well. You're one of those people. I'm going to die in the house. I'm going to just be sitting around one of those barrels full of fire in the middle of the house. I won't know what's going on.

That's what I think. Assisted living. Get me in there. I'll have a nice flirtation with an elderly man called Howard. I'll be in bed by 7pm every night. Be fantastic. Why don't you go and move into a uni dorm?

I'm already living in a, that's literally what I'm living in is like a uni dorm. There's this other place, right? Where you have, you have your own bedroom, your own bathroom because I know someone who used to live there.

And then there's like a communal like living room area. And then there's like an even bigger for the whole building. They have all these games rooms. And then they have like, if you want to have your own dinner party, that's reality won't, but like you could do that. Like areas like that would be good for you. Oh my God. Like I'd be that student who never left Joanne Wilder. Isn't it Van Wilder's your mom who just stayed in college? Isn't that movie Van Wilder?

isn't it Van Wilder's your man who just stayed in college isn't that movie Van Wilder em I mean a dorm could I do a dorm you're barely home

ever it's more the paperwork of it all if anyone has an elderly father who's kind of deranged about his own attractiveness and thinks

I'd be romantically interested in him for a free room I'd give him the odd tug every now and again aww the odd tug every now and again oh the odd tug oh yeah

look at her face deadly serious like get in touch get in touch like Joanne if you've got a dad a lonely dad Joanne wants to

un-lonely him yeah if you've got any very kind divorced divorced elderly men who I could if I if I

Ann and Nicole Smith my way into their lives one good turn away from death so I get the house perfect if I wasn't housing my entire family

I'd have you live with me again yeah Amber's in the basement but Al's is coming back so they're gonna have to have a war over what happens

with that situation and they both need to grow to have a war over what happens with that situation and they both need to grow up and get their own place to be honest no don't say that I'd hate that I love

oh okay okay okay yeah I agree okay once someone's down there I'm happy excuse me I keep burping I keep burping

honestly I can't and sometimes I'll be honest with you I was doing a shoot A little picture shoot Thing with Gigi today And I like

We were doing Ring-a-ring-a-rosie And when we all fell down Like just like I farted In front of the photographer There was like That's not me

No that's not you Like I If that happened to me Like I Not much embarrasses me If that happened to me I'd burn my life down And move to Morocco

And start again and what can you say like sorry I'm sorry yes yeah what else can you say

like you're not really sad in pregnancy to me to be honest at all like all you've done now is come on here week on week eight

and remind me you're pregnant I keep forgetting how can you I just don't know how you've done now is come on here week on week out and reminded me you're pregnant I keep forgetting how can you forget I just don't know how you can forget now I don't know no now I know

now now I know now now now he'll be here to see you very soon don't you have to get him a present Joanne your godmother

do you remember stop it's like you want you want to you want to give this one back in case the next one is a girl so begins

the irrational demands on women my age with no kids get her a present get her a present can he not I'll give him I'll go in

I bought loads of shit for Theodore just give that to him now that Batman hoodie thing that I bought for with the shark fin on the top give that to him now. That Batman hoodie thing that I bought for with the shark fin on the top. Give that to the baby, the new one. I have that suction bag.

I swear to God. Of course I do. Of course I do. That's ready to go. That actually was a very long lasting hoodie. What's the crack? Any baby showers?

Are you going to have a baby shower? Here's the thing about the baby shower. I don't, now don't, if I tell you this, you're not to give anyone a heads up. Right? Okay. Here's the thing. None of them, I don't think now don't, if I tell you this, you're not to give anyone a heads up. Right? Here's the thing.

None of them, I don't think, have organized a baby shower. It's too late now. It's too late. Yeah, we don't have time. I just looked at the date. No, it's too late for a baby shower. The last thing I want to do is go to a baby shower now. They haven't organized anything.

I heard rumors of one not long ago. But Spenny forgets to do these things. Even though I throw him parties, well, he can shove it up his arse he's never getting a party again that's wild because I was invited to your baby shower

but I couldn't go because obviously I'm working in Dublin so there was definitely talk of a baby shower at one stage there was? and where has it gone?

I don't know I forgot about it I just forgot about it baby showers are for people to get like basically you're asking us

to buy all the presents all the things that the baby needs you don't need anything for the baby I'll tell you how I feel about baby showers right I actually don't think I want one because I find it I don't like as much as I love a bit of attention I don't like that much attention on me at one time it's too much so I'd actually feel a little bit embarrassed I'm like I'm actually putting people out of their way by having to come and like be at like have a cupcake at my baby shower but

I'm also angry that no one organised me one I don't want one but I wanted one to have been organised yeah it's like with me and you

going to Joe's wedding we don't want to go but if he doesn't invite us we'll be absolutely raging you're invited that's exactly what I mean you're invited

Joe we don't want to go I'm fine I can't go on that date watch yourself now Jo or we will turn up watch yourself I just spat or maybe I puked

there's something we have to talk about from the week right the week that was the biggest news all week Will Smith

yeah now as a comedian go on I'm talking about myself as a comedian yeah what is your long long career in comedy what do you think what's your what's your hot take as a comedian people have to understand i think honestly i'd fucking i'd hate it's my worst job

you should say Vogue as an award nominated comic Vogue Williams yeah as an award nominated comic Vogue Williams award losing comic

Vogue Williams but award nominated yeah at least you didn't have to sit through the losing and for a split second Joe and don't say you didn't think that too

for a split second Joe and I thought we might have had it in the bag split split second Joe and don't say you didn't think that too for a split second Joe and I thought we might have had it in the bag split split second and then it's like the camera's on your face

and you're like fuck you yeah there's always a bit of hope there there's always a bit of delusion even when it was

your award which she also didn't win by the way wow wow wow the only thing worse than not winning that podcast award was not winning two awards

but you were the only person nominated for two awards that night so there you go thank you double loser Joanne McNally what a title

you're the only person who lost twice that night Joanne thank you Vogue loser, Joanne McNally. What a title. You're the only person who lost twice that night, Joanne. Thank you, Vogue. Well done, Joanne. You did a really... Everyone else, any last ones? You lost twice. Awards.

I mean, come on. Well, I guess it's... Yeah, so you're talking about the Will Smith smack on your man in the face. Yeah. Oh my God. I thought it was a joke.

What a smack. Do you not think the smack was kind of strange though? That's why there was a lot of talk about it being staged, which of course we now know it wasn't. But it was like what Garou does to me before I go on stage

to kind of get me in. He's like, show, show! And then he'll pretend slap me across the face. That was kind of what it looked like. Also, I've never seen,

I've never, I had no idea Chris Rock was that small. I've never been shown, they never, I had no idea Chris Rock was that small. I've never been shown, they should use Will Smith to show perspective on everything. Do you know what it reminds me of? Dating websites on dating profiles. The other way women are very, we're very heightest. Yeah.

So. Well, I'm not anymore because I married Sven. Yes, indeed. You gave back to the tiny man community. Fair play to you. Yes, I did. I did, yeah. That's because you are diverse in your thinking. like it yeah i'm i am diverse i'm open to all

what is wrong with me today my mind is just dirt that's joanne's new uh dating profile thing open to all open to all open to everything and anything but oh yeah so on some of the apps where they don't have to say their height like every lad's six foot you know what I mean they're all kind of

but I remember one guy this is so cute he had a really nice photo of himself and then the next photo was him with two of his friends who were say like six foot or whatever

so this guy was he was quite short but obviously he was he was letting people know he was basically giving himself perspective between these two big lads and I was like fair play well what height are you you're not that tall 5'10 oh are you yeah oh jesus I didn't think you were that what are you 5'11 I just feel so much bigger than you you're not 5'11". Yes, I am 5'11", for my whole life. What are you,

what are you looking at, Joe? Your whole life. I'm 5'11". Baby Vogue Williams. Joe, you're one of those men, you're Spencer. Spencer's 5'11". Like, you're not 5'11", Joe. You're about 5'9".

You're 5'9". You know, there's no way I'm 5'11". Your voice went up way too high there. You're 5'10", at a push. Yeah.

Someone actually sent me a screen grab. I don't know if you want to talk about this, but someone sent me a screen grab of Spencer standing on his tippy toes beside you for a photo. Listen, Joanne, like he... I love the amount of people that sent that to me as well. He does that. And I'm like, Spenny, it makes you look smaller.

Like he actually is genuinely the same height as me as well. He does that and I'm like, Svenny, it makes you look smaller. Like, he actually is genuinely the same height as me but like, he does that and he'll go on his tippy toes and I'm like, do you know how,

like, I look like a giant bloke now beside you because you've gone and done that. Poor Sven, I'd say he wishes he was a bit taller but he's good looking.

He's gorgeous looking. He gets, of course he is and he's hung like a dragon. Yeah, exactly. he's taller in the departments that matter fair play to him fair play

to him Will Smith so this is what I find so interesting about it because like obviously it's this big scandal right

and it's like rocking around rocking around the globe well I mean probably not all the globe but you see this different stages of it and the different angles and people taking different sides and people explaining things and different it's like it's the stages of grief or something you know what I mean you can like here we go now day one day two is going to be about violence

day three will be about raising awareness for alopecia and when he made the joke that I didn't realize there was an extra layer layer to it well i don't think he knew she had alopecia either well firstly he didn't write the joke well i didn't think the joke was funny anyway the joke was shit it wasn't funny it was a shit joke well done your professional opinion you're dead right vote ting ting ting ting boo shit joke um it's a shit joke It was a mean joke But I also think

That those Oscars They're always Like roasts They're always the same They're always Making mean jokes About Leonardo DiCaprio And his little baby girlfriends

And Tom Cruise Being too small For an account Like there's always Been that angle to it I actually think They should just get rid Of the comedy side

Of the Oscars It just never works it's the only thing that makes it interesting that and violence from Will Smith I know but like Will Smith

god he really did a dirty on himself but the thing about it was he really did he was looking he was laughing right and then he saw

Jada's face and obviously was like oh actually but he bloody laughed at her to begin with and then went like the smack but the worst bit was when he sat down and obviously was like oh actually but he bloody laughed at her to begin with and then went like the smack but the worst bit

was when he sat down and he's like when he was shouting that up it was like like is that the worst thing in the world

to happen to a comic it must be at the Oscars I don't know what I'd do if I got slapped in the face but I'd immediately write an Edinburgh show about it

and start touring straight away and supposedly Chris Rock's show is like selling like hotcakes now the joke wasn't good the joke was mean

but you can't go around slapping comics and also he was kind of he was about to win an Oscar like is that not in your mind I realised because I saw the clip as well

where he was kind of laughing Jada Jada actually was just rolling her eyes she didn't really look upset she was just like it's like when I hear a comic an English comic making a joke about Irish terrorists laughing. Jada actually was just rolling her eyes. She didn't really look upset. She was just like, it's like when I hear a comic, an English comic making a joke about Irish terrorists and stuff,

being Irish, being a terrorist. I just kind of roll my, I'm like, oh, whatever. That was the vibe that I got from her. I didn't get, I'm not in her position. I don't know what it's like to have a joke like that rallied against me, but I think there is, you know, an understanding at comedy. You've got the opposite of alopecia. You've got too much hair. Too much hair. I think there has to be, with comedy, there has to be, there is an understanding that it's all said in jest. That there's a kind of, you know, that it's not to be taken seriously.

I don't, I don't know. And I, like, I think either he was processed. He was kind of laugh. Sometimes I'll laugh at things. It'll take me a couple of minutes to realize I'm actually highly offended

yeah do you know when you're like no and I think that's maybe what happened with him someone did someone did send me though

because I posted I was doing those questions on my instant someone sent me about it and then they responded to the thing about Will Smith and they were like

you know Joanne was slagging She She's upper lip that she needed to wax it the other day in her show and imagine like I got offended

did I in my in my Vicar Street show in Vicar Street was I I don't know which show it was she does get lashed out of it sometimes she does in fairness

but imagine getting like I suppose it just depends on the person I just I don't think that you should be doing that to comedians or anyone in general

like imagine someone said like the amount of people that say shit I don't like to my face and I'm like I'd love to slap loads of people but you just can't you're not allowed

I know you're not allowed you really you just can't be carrying on like that he really let himself down Will I feel he let himself down now to be fair

I also think there was probably a lot of beef between them already I did a bit of a deep dive on it apparently Chris Rock had made a joke so she boycotted

the Oscars in 2016 and he made some joke about you weren't invited that's like me boycotting Rihanna's pants I was never

invited in anyway so there was some there was previous little bits of beef there. Now that's a funny joke. That's a better joke. You're dead right. But like I slag people all the time.

Like I'm always calling out bald lads for looking like disco balls and stuff. And like, and I honestly, I have no idea. No one's ever snapped back at me. Thank God. Bald men are sound.

I guess you have to be. But, ever snapped back at me thank god both both men are sound i guess you have to be but um two things on the bald thing remember you did the jonathan rush show and he started slagging bald men and boy george was sitting there and he's got no hair he's like oh god but will smith will smith will sm us yeah Will Smith Will Smith was slagging was slagging bald men a while back and all that shit's being dragged up now and it's like

well you can't be slagging bald people also Will Smith is apparently a comic is that not how he started he needed a bit of staircase wish

staircase wish I was reading about it the other day it's like it's this term this philosopher came up with it after I think it was a philosopher

where you know someone says something to you and you think of the reply when you're when you've left the room and you're at the bottom of the stairs about to go to bed

yeah so it's like think think then reply think think react think think react whereas Will just reacted and then was thinking

about it after and also do you know what really pissed me off one of his kids did a tweet going yeah that's how we roll and I was like about it after. And also, do you know what really pissed me off? One of his kids did a tweet going, yeah, that's how we roll. And I was like, shut up. If my mum, imagine my mum smacked Richard Madly.

Imagine I was at an awards show with my mother and she smacked Richard Madly across the face. I'd be dragging her out by her ears. I'd be like, mum, you're making a show of yourself and the family. I wouldn't be tweeting going, that's how you do it, mum. That's how you do it, that's how you do it Patricia I have to be honest though

like I find his kids really annoying like I don't mind his daughter so much his son like really like gets on my wick the family it's all a bit woo woo

like I was I was concerned when I started seeing Will Smith hang out with your man Jay Shetty do you know that kind of ex-monk current millionaire

who's just talks about his purpose all the time they've got like you know they're a bit spiritual is what I'm saying

and as a Catholic atheist I find spirituality triggering he's a an author a purpose coach what is this like

oh purpose there he goes again with the purpose yeah what is a purpose coach like honestly you can sell anything these days he's selling purpose

it's like he's just yeah purpose I read an interview with him recently where they were saying he used the word purpose so many times

that it just lost all meaning things like that come on purpose coach like you just stop stop stop it sounds a bit culty do you know what I think

is kind of cool though he did he did what he did. He's apologized. And hopefully now that's the end of it. Do you know what I mean? Like hopefully we're kind of coming back to a world where you do something stupid, you apologize

and then everyone goes, all right, Grant, let's all move on. He didn't really apologize though. So he did what he did. He apologized to the Academy. Then everybody went nuts the next day and then he

apologised to Chris Rock so he wasn't going to apologise to Chris Rock he was apologising to the Oscars and it was only

when he got loads of backlash that he apologised I still don't want Will Smith to be cancelled I love him he won't get cancelled I don't think

you can't cancel Will Smith your Instagram handle is Joe Prod I love him. He won't get cancelled for it, I don't think. He can't cancel, doesn't he? Your Instagram handle is Joe Prod, which, I mean, we would never knowingly let a Protestant work on this podcast had we known

this would not have gotten as far as it did. I didn't know it had those connotations when I wrote that. I didn't know that it might mean that to people who aren't. You're producing an Irish an Irish podcast it kind of showed me the Oscars

I I genuinely took an act of violence I genuinely took the presenter getting attacked on stage

for anyone to have any interest in it it's so up its own hell it's so up its own hell it's looking out its eyes do you know they get a goodie bag and it's like 160 grand or something that's what i heard 10 grand's worth of botox wow jesus well apparently some of the actors if you're really high end like basically if you're judy dench they will deliver you won't because it's such

it's apparently it's a massive rigmarole to get the goodie bags home because they're so, that they will fly, they will deliver them to your house. But that's only if you're like super highbrow, like, I don't know. Like, is everyone getting the goodie bags? No, I'd say it's a tiered system.

Goody bag for the winners and then there's goodie bag for the nominees and then there's goodie bags for, you know, I think, I'd say it kind of trickles down. By the time it got to us, it'd just be like a golf pen pen a five-year-old phone cover

they'd look at us they'd be like oh you obviously already got the 10 grand worth of Botox then was that delivered to your house beforehand people I'm thrilled people keep saying your face doesn't move when I post the videos and I'm like delighted because I haven't had Botox obviously because I'm pregnant but even if I got Botox I wouldn't tell a soul the only thing I think

I wouldn't deny it but I wouldn't be going on about it is if I did get a little tit lift which I have been thinking about a lot I think I'd keep that to myself a tit lift is a lot like it's way more work

than you would think it is because i just did that show um send news and uh and there was people that wanted a tit lift that like it's kind of invasive and like you have like a lot of scarring for a tit lift and i never knew that but you can get threads in your tit you know threads I've seen Yeah They last for like Two years Stop Yeah Oh my god

I can get my tits Stitched to my chin This is the best news ever Yeah I totally thread That's what I'll do I'll thread my tits I'll stitch them

Stitch them up Stitch them up I was the only one Who got in a boot I think I might do it As a present for my Fortieth to myself But you get a baby implant

And then it lifts them up And then this um breast augmentation clinic actually messaged me going here do you want to come in I was like no because then I'd have to talk about it and I think it's just I mean you need to have one one boundary and maybe mine is free to a breast implant yeah we don't want free tits you don't want free tits no way do we want free no do we not we don't want free tits okay fine we don't i don't think i want free tits yeah i mean i'm not gonna be like you know what i mean tagging my own nipple no maybe me four years ago possibly not now yeah yeah i wouldn't get a brazilian bum lift one out of three thousand people die dead on the table

from a brazil Brazilian butt lift. If they shove the needle in the wrong spot, your bum is very sensitive. And if they put it in the wrong spot, the fat goes into a vein, which goes up into your like head. Dead. I didn't know why, but I had heard that it was, that it was very dangerous. To be honest with you, once I, once I had my knee operation, cause I'd never had an operation before that.

So I was literally like under the illusion I'd get a facelift when I was like 55 and I'd be like gorgeous and had that knee operation I thought that's not for me it's too hard to recover from shit like that really yeah not for me the only facelift I remember I watched one of the Beverly one house housewives of Beverly Hills one of the moms got a facelift and it was like he'd forgot to put the face back on I've never seen it was insane the trauma

of her head it was hard to look at yeah yeah you see it's just kind of like let's be honest we probably will get a facelift

at some point maybe they'll have a special one that like it's only keyhole surgery by the time we get there because we're so young so young so young

I had to write my age again yesterday on this thing 36 I still can't believe it do you know let's I want to be fair go on what I've decided to age positively I'm not gonna be ashamed of my age I'm still incredibly young I'm practically a fetus in the larger scale of things I think it's important so I I I was always of the like lying about my age vibes because of because of the show business element to it

and you know the way like they fetishize younger girls like you know what I mean it's like who's that put that 24 year old on channel 4 and I'm like no

I'm a valuable member of society I will not go into the dark I will fight back get a tit lift and talk openly about my age

but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying what your age is because actually there's room for I will not go into the dark. I will fight back, get a tit lift and talk openly about my age. But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying what your age is. No. Because actually, there's room for all of us. There's a deal to age. As Jennifer Aniston says,

it's a great honor to age. It's a great honor to age, disgracefully. I do think it comes to a stage though where the Helen Mirrens of this world, you just don't go near themselves. You have a lot of respect for it.

It does make you feel a bit pathetic in comparison. You're like, I feel like a vain idiot. I don't. Yeah. I can't, I think your head will look lovely however high it is or low,

whether you decide to lift it or not. We're going to end up looking like traumatized lizards. Well, that'll be the style by then. Yeah. mormatized lizards. Well, that'll be the style by then. Yeah. Well, that's it.

Thank you for listening. And as always, send in your emails to hello at mtgmpod.com. Next week, we could have a little baby with us. No, we won't. We might. No, it might be too early.

I'll tell you what I'll do the next next week's pod is coming live from the bath that's where I'm at my happiest