My Therapist Ghosted Me - Oysters, A Balloon & Gigi's Coat

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

Joanne is still in New York and Vogue is back from her skiing trip, very much worse for wear. On the list this week, they HAVE to discuss Gigi's coat (it's STUNNING), The Grammy's and why the Chinese Government waited until Joanne was in New York to send a spy balloon.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster! For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. stage people know what they've tuned into my therapist goes to me hatta hatta i like things to be in order oh i'm an orderly girl who are you britney spears sitting there chewing a chewing gum like that take out my chewing gum and put it down here and save it for later because i'm sustainable sometimes i take out my chewing gum and i put it on the wing mirror of my car until i get to a bin i really hoped you were gonna say put it i really really hoped you were going to say to cool it down and put it back in and I was like finally people are seeing her for the pig that she is

finally the cracks are showing would you not would you not just keep in your mouth would you not oh I see your refurbishment people are back this is New York baby

it never sleeps. I tried to have a nap earlier because I am demented with the jet lag. I honestly don't know where I am at the moment. You could tell me I was in Morocco,

I believe you. Hang on, hang on a second. Hold on. How long have you been in New York? Well, listen, I'm building an extension that's all up here. Work is so good over here now.

She makes up pretend stories. You are jet lagged in your absolute hula hoop. Sorry, I was about to call you Dubai. I was like,

excuse me Dubai, excuse me. What did you get for having an outrageous name? Look, I don't know what's going on with me at the moment. I don't know. But this is... Can you hear that?

No, we can't. It's just like the most loudest thing we can hear. And it's not like the babies. I can't drug my workmen like you do with your children. But you know what's so funny, right? So I'm staying in the apartment. Are we running without drugging my children?

I think people are going to start thinking things are true. Like that time, Tina nearly didn't get into school and they'll be like, she drugs her kids. No, do you know what it is? No, I actually wasn't specific to you.

I don't think you do spike your kids, but I know people who will definitely, you know, cowpaw, whiskey on a bit of cotton wool into that like societally acceptable

spiking of children do you know what I am actually because I'm looking forward to getting into the chemists here you know I love I love a shop I love a pharmacy over there

oh my god did you know that did you know that apparently salpidine is like a class A drug in Dubai what yeah I was practically a mule

the whole time I was there and I didn't even know. Salpidine is a... Seriously? It's really... Well, now the person who told me that, they could have been taking the piss, but they could have been exaggerating it, but it's definitely you can't buy it over there off the counter. It's a prescription. I will tell you something about salpidine. I had the filthiest headache over the

weekend and I was ibuprofen, ibuprofen. My mom calls it ibuprofen and it really annoys me it's because she's international now she's a woman of means that's what they do they change the name of things

do you have any ibuprofen folk no no one does actually Sandra no one has ibuprofen that's like Angela Lawson and the macrowave

they get money women with money can do that they just change names of things when we were doing mine and Spen's podcast the one that we shouldn't

talk about yeah you repeatedly do yeah Spenny was reading something one that we shouldn't talk about. Yeah, you repeatedly do, yeah. Spenny was reading something out and he was like, quizen. I was like, pardon? He was like, quizen. I was like, cuisine, Spenny. Oh, wow. I thought it was quizen.

I know. Well, I was listening to Louis Theroux speak to Miriam Margolis today. Oh, I love her. Hold on. How do I pronounce the second name? I've just done what I'm slagging them. Margolis. Margolis, right? Miriam Margolisies today. Oh, I love her. Hold on. How do I pronounce the second name? I've just done what I'm slagging them. Margolies.

Margolies, right? Miriam Margolies. Amazing woman. And it was recorded during lockdown and they keep talking about morale. And she went,

my morale's not great. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, that's just being posh. Gigi, oh God, I used to love that child so much, but today

she said bath instead of bath. I was like, what the hell? So we're moving back Gigi oh god I used to love that child so much but today she said bath instead of bath I was like what the hell so we're moving back to Ireland yeah

I was just going to say stop washing her yeah bath I said get out get out put her in a bidet put her in a bidet

wash her in the sink like a normal mother stop being all posh with your baths I know that we were all thrown into the sink swished around taken out dried on the side and We were all thrown into the sink, swished around,

taken out, dried on the side and then put back out into the garden. We're great. We basically were just dumped in the garden from the age of nothing, just left there.

I know, they were great times. Speaking of Juju, La Juju, we need to talk about her coat. Oh, her fur coat.

I mean, that child, she's such a giver of gifts. She'll let me dress her in whatever I mean that child she's such a giver of gifts she'll let me dress her in whatever I want to dress her in

we're downstairs she's a dressing up box she's putting on her earrings she's putting on her ring to brace it's her necklace she can't

wouldn't be caught dead leaving the house without a handbag okay she's like this is not Penny's home

how dare you no it certainly is not god she'd have a feel day in Penny she'd love it and I spotted this coat and I forgot she would not love it she'd have a feel day in pennies she'd love it and I spotted this coat

and I forgot she would not love it she'd come out in hives I'd say that shot has had nothing but baby cashmere and silk put on her skin

since the day she was born imagine trying to get into her pennies onesie she'd probably start convulsing and frothing at the mouth excuse me like a werewolf they have some pennies gear

stop trying to make me unrelatable right I've been no this isn't about you this is about Gigi now yeah Gigi's been some pennies gear stop trying to make me unrelatable right I've been no this isn't about you this is about Gigi now yeah Gigi's been to pennies she has not been to pennies as if she's been to pennies

so I popped on this coat because I saw it in the wardrobe she got it ages ago and she was too small for it then and she was so thrilled with herself

she went into the bedroom she's looking in the mirror it was a long floor length, pink faux fur coat. Is it like a mohair? It looked mohair to me almost. It's like, you know,

those faux fur coats, it was one of them and it says Gigi on the back in black. Yeah. It is faux though, because I was about to gather some people to throw paint on her as she came out of nursery school.

I've been on to Petta. We're all absolutely fuming about it. She will pay the price. That is what happened to her coat. She went to nursery, came back covered in paint. Honestly. But did she throw it on herself

or was it activism? I don't think... Was Pamela Anderson standing outside with the camera crew? Someone was chucking eggs at her anyway so she went into

nursery she was wearing the coat into nursery and obviously they go to nursery and stuff does come back a bit

wrecked but like you gotta get the wear out of the coat I mean she's only got two days off nursery

she's gotta get the wear out of it and it's quite something Jo it really is quite something it's got her name it's like

floor you don't it's not off you see a floor length coat on a child she looks magnificent huge big collar on it quite something it's got her name it's like floor you don't it's not often you see a floorland coat on a child she looks magnificent

huge big collar on a bright pink it's got it's got her name down the back like it's like a footballer it's one of the

cutest things it's so cute I was it was such a proud moment but anyway so we got we got a

we got a the nursery when we went to pick her up. The teacher's like, yeah, Gigi can't really come to school in that anymore.

It's a bit like, Gigi was too over the top for nursery. Who the hell is doing that? Upstairs? Has Des started knocking through? Imagine Des Bishop's head. Like your man. What was your man's name

it's Johnny what was that what was that film Jo The Shining what a great movie anyway so Gigi

we collected it for nursery and the nursery teacher said Gigi can't wear that coat to nursery anymore it was actually too much for nursery

but I'm thinking do you know what that coat wasn't cheap that girl's getting the wear out of that coat she'll be back tomorrow and she'll be in the coat with her heels on

her pink heels yeah the nursery needs to up its game if they don't want a baby in drag on a Monday afternoon what do they want what do they want

she actually was like I was like this is cheap because she was posing in her floor length coat literally floor length floor length coat. Literally floor length. Floor length coat,

like trailing behind her, like a royal. And I was like, this is her first and the name on the back and all. I was like, this is her,

this is her coming out party into InstaHun life. This is her, she's starting her career as an InstaHun. Number one InstaHun. A hundred percent. You know they have like

top Forbes under 40. She is number one InstaHun under, what age is she? Four. You know they have like top Forbes under 40. She is number one Insta hun under, what age is she? Four. Two. Is she two? She's two.

She feels like she's been around for a lot longer to be honest. I know it does. Well now she's nearly three in July. Come here, when's Otto's birthday? I meant to ask you.

I actually DM'd you but you never got back to me. Yeah, I didn't get back to you on purpose there. Come on now. Don't you talk to me now. It was three days ago. It was not because I would have seen his birthday on Insta. I don't put stuff like that on Insta on now don't do that to me now it was three days ago it was not

because I would have seen his birthday on Insta I don't put stuff like that on Insta because I don't like people retweet birthdays and that kind of malark I don't

do you know what that's the godmother instinct in me I knew it was around now you've got such good instinct that's bizarre such good instinct I was honestly thinking

that child's been around for ages there must be a birthday going on so I DM'd you and you didn't reply because it was three days ago

and I was very upset I thought she missed the christening she's not going to miss she's not going to miss the birthday she's missed the christening I'd miss my own birthday

so what's the date of his birthday the 18th of April you're such a little bitch I knew it wasn't his birthday yeah I knew it wasn't his birthday. Yeah. I knew it wasn't his birthday.

The godmother instinct. I knew it wasn't his birthday. The biggest lie there was, I don't put things like that on the internet. That was when I saw your nose nearly knocked the mic out of the way with the lies. I don't like to expose my children online. Sorry, I didn't close their face. It's too late now.

It's too late for tea. I can save the other two maybe. No, Jesus. And they're so distinctive looking. I don't know a huge amount of children. Is that a good way

or a bad way? In a good way. Because like a lot of children, you know, they pop out because they've, you know, 18th of April.

Joey, put that in my diary. Are you not my assistant now? Who are you? Will someone put that in my diary when I'm my assistant now who are you wait will someone put that in my diary when I was listening to this please my absolute

I'm going to leave the pictures off the curb someone please put it in my diary please my absolute favourite was it's a godmother instinct it's a godmother instinct

you sure I asked my mum the other day I was like mum what was I like because I found all these pictures because there's very few

pictures of me when I was younger I was like what was I like when I was a baby she's like, what was I like when I was a baby? She's like, how do I know? I was like, well, you brought me up. Oh, Sandra.

She's like, well, I was working. I had to work. And I'm like, okay, so you don't know anything about me as a child. You were just working 100% of the time. I don't remember. I'm like, okay, great. Thanks a million, mom.

She also did that when I was pregnant and vomiting nonstop. I was like, did you get morning sickness? No, I didn't. No. like okay great thanks a million mom she also did that when I was pregnant and vomiting non-stop I was like did you get morning sickness no I didn't no are you sure you didn't about a month later I did actually I'm like okay well then there you go thanks mom do you know what's that you know what it is I respected about Sandra my own mother has it as well she's unsentimental and I have to say I really like that like some parents have like baby books and bits of hair glued together do you know what I mean like as I say my mom was like like that she was a working woman she worked I worked that's what I did man I worked and I stayed indoors because me and your father had no money and they drank out of a box of wine that lasted 10 years someone asked me a question today

and I actually thought maybe I shouldn't say that. But they were like, is there any regrets that you'd have in life? And I said, I wish I was more of a slag. I wish I'd got around more.

I didn't get, I was, think about it, I was always in a relationship. I should have been riding rings around myself. Folk, you say this every second week we have a monologue about who you didn't ride enough. Jo, don't we? We could literally stick that in. Folk, you say this every second week. We have a monologue about who you didn't ride enough.

Jo, don't we? We could literally stick that in. Folk, do you remember? We rebranded Slaggy to Worldly. Okay. But you can call yourself a slag if you want. Of course you can. You can call yourself that if you want.

Absolutely. Joanne's on the water. I'm frightened. I'm always frightened when she's on the water. I had a big one at the weekend oh I thought you were jet lagged it's a mixture

of both folk okay I don't know what it is anymore all I know is Joanne needs a nap in the day now

that's what Joanne needs I was trying to have a nap but you know what I'll tell you what happened to me right so obviously I was skiing oh yeah yeah

love skiing love skiing love skiing so on the Thursday I had a few drinks we went to this amazing Apres Ski by the way

Apres Ski is one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed in my whole life they have like like all the waiters running around with whistles they had all these like

napkins all over their head everybody is standing on their feet and literally the DJ plays the wildest, most insane, loudest song and it all goes off and like for the first five minutes everyone is just screaming

and whistling and it was, we all sat there, it was the greatest day of our whole life. It was the greatest lunch I'd ever been to. It looked amazing.

It did look very cool. Unreal. The next day, it wasn't as good. There were dancers, they weren't that great. Anyway, I saw someone walking by

with a plate of oysters and now because I'm a bougie girl I thought I'm gonna I'm gonna have some oysters because I love oysters I love snot and shells

I love them so much so Spencer ordered something he always orders too much it was only really me eating them he ordered 12 oysters

then the person in me oh that's so new you heard that noise a fire engine a fire truck do they call it a fire truck over there He ordered 12 oysters. Then the person in me, oh, that's so new. You heard that noise? A fire engine, a fire truck. Do they call it a fire truck over there? I don't know. Just like, oh, here's another,

there's another Nino driving past the flat. Anyway, so 12 oysters arrived and I'm like, I can't leave them. They're expensive. I've got to eat them. So I'm shoveling all these oysters in. Cut to two o'clock in the morning and I woke up and I have never felt such severe pain

in my stomach seashells seashells seashells seashells vomit in a shell seashells I have been sick ever since I'm now convinced I have a

parasite like I can't eat properly still. I'm having an absolute nightmare. So that's on Friday. It's now Tuesday and it still hasn't gone away. And if I ever see an oyster again, I'm going to tell it exactly what I think about it. But like, who orders oysters in the mountains? I was wondering, I was like, where are they coming in from?

A long, a long way away. That's a long ass trip for an oyster. I know. No, that's planes, trains and automobiles and a lift and maybe an Uber. I know. And then you expect them to be fresh. Christ, I'm in, bitch. This is what happens going on fancy holidays.

Go and play crazy golf for the weekend like the rest of us. Or do you know what? Ski and just have the pizza. Stop being a snobby cow. Have the pizza. I've never, I have to say I've never, the texture of an oyster now

wouldn't, it just wouldn't appeal. Wouldn't appeal to me. My stomach is actually in pain when you say that word. It's, it's revolting. The only way to eat fish

is out of a tin. I've said it before, I'll say it again. That's the safe way to do it. You're actually not wrong. Live your bougie life. Bring a can opener. Open a can of tuna dig in bit of mayo sweet corn yeah and if you're feeling really expensive a bit of red five stars five stars

you want to wear a nappy tonight okay yeah great nice she's saying no more weewees so Shiji let me just explain that Shiji is she's only two and she's been potty trained really young

and now she's decided she doesn't want to wear a nappy to bed but because she doesn't want to wear a nappy to bed she wants to do 950,000 wees before she goes to bed

because she doesn't want to wet the bed and honestly every two minutes she's up to do a wee up to do a wee up to do a wee and she doesn't have like a wee problem or And honestly, every two minutes, she's up to do a wee, up to do a wee, up to do a wee. And she doesn't have like a wee problem or anything like that,

but she's like just wants to wee in case she wets the bed. And so she's now up 15 times to spend it to come into me because she's just constantly wanting to do a wee. I even have a potty outside the door. That's so cute. There's many a drunk man

would take a leaf out of her book, to be honest. Many, many a drunk man myself included i've uh i like friend one of welcome up with lads that they went down with and the lads have like by the bed because they're locked yeah and actually do you know what gg said right there's nothing more annoying well a thing about in the bed but b when you wake in the night and you've got that ache in your groin you're like oh for god's sake i know but she wakes in the night as well screaming at us and one of us now have to get up for her as well it's actually a complete i was really proud that she was like in no nappies at two and then i thought you know what take like take the

nappy put the nappy back on her i can't deal with it anyway so you know the way we were talking about farrah fawcett last week and that she died and we didn't know that she died and I actually was kind of shocked. So I'll tell you why I didn't know. She died the same day as Michael Jackson. Like, if some A-lister decides to kick the bucket the same day as me, I will be so fucking angry. You better pray I don't die the same time as you or no one will even remember you were born then we'll really find out

who's team captain okay okay let's test it when I hear I have a pot I have a pot of cyanide in the fridge but the second I hear you're dead

I'm gonna pop the whole thing in one go put myself in one of those little pots in Switzerland press the button this is to you babe yeah yeah yeah I'm taking it

no but you would be sad do you know what I mean you want to die on a slow news day that's the ideal 100% and you also want to be born on like like a good day

when we were like choosing because I was getting induced and we were choosing when like what day I'd get induced and like one of the days was like the Queen's birthday and stuff and I'm like I don't want like

No I know people inducing their kids on certain days or like holding the baby in and getting induced later so that it can be in the younger class and be better at sports

and stuff because they'll be a larger child Oh let me think about that Do you know what I mean? Yeah well T T is going to be like a year older than some of the kids in his class because he's on september 5th and it is

quite a good thing not it doesn't matter as much with girls and especially she's being so advanced she's in july the end of july so she'll probably be like the youngest in her class but i always wanted to be the youngest in my class i was like the old fossil yeah i was out i was i think i was normal i would think it was towards the younger age bracket of was I think I was normal I think I was towards The younger Age bracket of the class But I was by far One of the tallest girls Which obviously gives you

A huge complex Oh I hated it Yeah The tall one You just felt Too big You were too big Mummies and daddies

You were always daddy Yes You were never mummy Never Never the baby You mummy never the baby you were never the baby not in a million years you certainly were

you certainly when we play babysitters you were the dad coming home to tell your mum to go home like there were roles

I never wanted to play I was given the role of Baloo the bear because I was I had the deepest voice in the class it was when I was in a mixed school

as well and then do you not remember in choir, you were always shoved at the back and I was always on the blokey side of my voice as well. So not only was I huge, I was also being told I sounded like a bloke. I was like, just like, I hated it.

Sorry, I need to ask what other people are going to be wanting to know. What the fuck is Baloo the Bear? Baloo the Bear from the Jungle Book. No, I'm the king of the swiggers. The jungle BS. You did the Jungle Book as your school musical. For our sixth year play, we were

nine? Ten? I did Papa Panov, which is a play about the Russian Revolution. Yeah, but you were going to, I can't believe you went to a private school. Bread, give us bread. If you don't, we'll soon be dead. That's a good song. I went to a public, a national school that was public if you don't we'll soon be dead that's a good song I went to a public

national school it was public in England it's all upside down but like a free national school and then a private like fee paying secondary school

if that not have got it did me well I know yeah so you dick bitch do you know what I have here in my and I actually

happened to leave it because I keep like um notes on my phone by the way that video the Dubai video it looks like I'm just like scrolling through uh through Instagram we posted a video um on our TikTok on our TikTok uh about Dubai and it looks like I'm just scrolling through Instagram I'm actually looking at my phone looking at notes so I'm not being bad obviously I've been glued to all the stuff going on at the Grammys did you see anything? I watched

you know the way I just generalised my house is flicking through I have I know what I know kind of the highlights I don't like the Grammys

it's all allowed you know and you're just like it's meant to be really bored and by the look on Ben Affleck's face it was really boring this year but those parties I guarantee

they are they're still so up their own hell they're never gonna be go crack no but i think you they get really good goodie bags and stuff like that yes i went to a party like that right it was called the cfda's or cdfa's i went with spencer and tom ford was hosting it that. And so like there was like loads of really famous people there. Zendaya was there. Emily Ratajkowski was there. Tom Ford, who is just like such a ride. Cara Delevingne was there.

Like all these really famous people. And it was really very boring. They feel the pressure to have a good time. They're like, they're not, it's not, they're not having a good time. I'm telling you, they're not having a good time. I'm telling you. No, I was trying to drink my way through it. Sure, Beyonce turned up

about five minutes before she was due on. They couldn't even give her an award. She basically rang it in. She was completely late. I know. I actually, I thought she missed her award, Beyonce. I think she did.

And then I had to give it to her later on or something. I don't know what happened. Well, Jay... She was an artist anyway. That was very clear. I'd say Beyonce's absolutely fed up with picking up awards.

Honestly. So, JLo, there was a picture of her, a video of her anyway that was very clear I'd say Beyonce is absolutely fed up with picking up awards honestly so JLo there was a picture of her a video of her obviously being raging with Ben Affleck like I'd say he's a melter

but anyway I'll just pluck that out of thin air but like it's just it's the tattoo right I can't help but think that he's a plonker in all ways

because of it supposedly she said stop look more friendly and look motivated imagine that is exactly something you would say to me in an awards ceremony Supposedly she said, stop, look more friendly and look motivated. Imagine. That is exactly something you would say to me in an awards ceremony. I can literally see you saying that to me.

I will say one thing to you, Joanne. If you showed up, I might say it to you. Don't worry, we had a fantastic time without you. Okay. But I actually, when I saw JLo snapping at Ben, I was like, do you know what? Good. Because they're very much presenting this kind of

fairy tale romance and the truth is they're going to piss each other off same as everyone else and do you know what as well and I'm not even saying this to be facetious and this might be a controversial

thing to say I'm sure there's a sober people out there who will kind of jump on me for this but I honestly as someone who you know

drinks likes the occasional drink likes the occasional drink also I kind of struggle in those situations I'm not great in those big situations I think I'm kind of an introvert anyway imagine having to do that whole circus completely stone cold sober and he's they're both sober I like she's sober as well that's why she looks like that I couldn't do it I couldn't do it you need something to take the edge off I mean

and I'm talking about gin and tonic here I'm not talking about gear I mean literally I couldn't do that whole thing sober oh my god it's stressless

now imagine all the people that you'd have to talk to that you just don't want to talk to heya oh god oh it's you again you're trying to think of someone go away Solange Solange I. Go away, Solange.

I don't know why Solange came into my head. The ones that are the funniest are like, all the ones that hang out with the Kardashians. They all just like, I'd hate that. I'd need an entourage 20 people deep. Yeah, you just want fun people to be around you. That's why I have my friends. Do you know what the thing is as well?

Like when we first started going to events, like my friends couldn't wait to come and like it was so easy to get people to come to the events with me now I can't even get my manager to come with me I have to go on my own no one wants to go they've seen the reality of the situation yeah and it's not all that crack shit crack the reason I'd be interested to go I mean obviously you'd go to something like the Grammys for a goo just to see yeah to stare at people but what I would love is the politics within celebrity culture

so like there's this huge hierarchy obviously within the celebrities so obviously we'd be kind of pond scum down the bottom I don't even think

we'd get a ticket like and that's in all honesty we'd really struggle to get a ticket no we'd have to apply to do the catering or something yeah yeah yeah potentially get in

but to watch all the people snubbing each other and who's ridden who that would fascinate me do you know what I mean I'd love to know the insider gossip

like you'd love to be there for the moment when Mariah Carey pretended she didn't know who JLo was stuff like that did she do that yeah

yeah she was on a red carpet they asked her something about JLo and she goes I'm sorry I don't know who that is oh no just a quick

reminder if you're looking for a fantastic gift idea Joanne and I will be in the SS&E SSE Belfast

the SSE Belfast we'll also be in Cork we've got one date left in Cork and we have one sorry why are you trying to pawn us off as a gift the SSE Belfast we'll also be in Cork we've got one date left in Cork and we have one three sorry

why are you trying to pawn us off as a gift well I just thought it'd be a we're not Tupperware who doesn't want a gift of Tupperware

I do and a candle never get enough candles never get enough tickets to shows okay ghost is going on the road we're hitting the road

the three dates with tickets left the marquee in Cork the SSE Arena in Belfast and the three arena with tickets left the Marquee and Cork the SSC Arena in Belfast and the Three Arena in Dublin Harry Styles

showed up dressed like a toddler kinda you see that little secret it was like it was a bit

babyish there was just a bit I don't know like I usually love what he wears because it's so outrageous

and out there but he's getting an awful bollocking at the moment isn't he? I think the reason he got away with it, and now obviously we're like the fashion police now. He's very cool. I love what he's doing.

And I love how he's doing it. But if he didn't have pecs with swallows tattooed on them, I don't think that outfit, I don't think he would have pulled it off. But he does. So has Grant. Do you get me? I kind of felt like he looked like a toddler walking around, like he just needed a rattle to go with it. But there was a

few things that happened to poor Harry Styles on the night. Someone heckled him. Basically, he went up to collect his award album of the year. It was a good album and someone screamed, Beyonce should have won. A bit of a Kanye moment. She's fucking paying these people. She has to be. It's insane.

Every year someone screams it out she must be really saying it but your man your man David Bowie's producing partner

said about him he's not worthy of shining his shoes because someone said that Harry was the new David Bowie it's like

what the fuck don't be so mean people are mean people are snobby about him because he came through X Factor he came through

a boy band thing he didn't kind of you know work his way up chain smoking in the clubs in New York sorry I'm obviously

obsessed with New York I live here now but that's why they're snobby about Harry Styles but he's recreated himself he's rebranded

himself and I think this is genuine his authentic self I think he has evolved into this pop star I think he's cool yeah he's cool he is cool he has evolved into this pop star. I think he's cool.

Yeah, he's cool. He is cool. He seems like a cool dude. I'll tell you what, I'd go there. Would you not go there? I think you're too young for Harry Styles, which is a very big compliment. I'd get him. Nah, you wouldn't get him.

You should get him. I'm in his age bracket. That's the other thing that's kind of interesting about him. He's into older women. And like, older women sounds dismissive. They're exceptionally attractive successful women but he's definitely drawn to a more mature woman which of course we respect about him because it's very unusual in Hollywood yeah it's very unusual I do I do

love that I know we're talking a lot about Hollywood as well um but what do you think about Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom as an ex? Brilliant! You tell the story. Katy Perry is married to Orlando Bloom who used to be married to Miranda Kerr who's a supermodel and he has a kid with her and like they were together

at an awards ceremony and they got in all these pictures together, Miranda Kerr and Katy Perry and were all lovey-dovey together and then Miranda Kerr wrote her the nicest all lovey-dovey together. And then Miranda Kerr wrote her the nicest Instagram message just saying that she was so happy that she was her son's stepmother.

And do you know what? In a world full of so many arseholes, it was very nice to see that. Miranda's definitely over Orlando. You have to be real, you're like, that's a real, I'm so over you. I'd literally insert

your new girlfriend into you hold on no it goes the other way around doesn't it sorry when a child is involved you I think you know a lot of the time people just they're too mature they're like this isn't about us anymore yeah it's about the baby I don't know because I'm because I'm such a grudge holder I'd hope I'd be able to be like that but even when I think about my exes I'm like I'm not like oh I'm so happy for you it's more like having it'd be nice to break up amicably with your partner but I guess you don't want to be the one it'd be nice if you break up like that it'd be nice for both on the same page instead of the other person setting you up on dates and you're like I'm not you know what I mean yeah god you're really over me this is you're like, I'm not, you know what I mean? Yeah. God, you're really over me. This is, you're like beyond over me.

Yeah. Said it before and I'll say it again. I'm the only girl I know who wasn't contacted by a single ex during lockdown. Not a single one. Not a single one. I'm the only one I know. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but your ex are quite far in the past now. That doesn't matter I know but you know it's kind of actually that's a mark of respect

Joanne you're out of their league now that's what's happened that's exactly what I thought yeah I said you know

what they are they're intimidated intimidated that's the word we're looking for they were terrified they're like I really miss her but I couldn't text her.

She wouldn't write back to her. I don't even know if this is her number anymore. I'm not interested, but we always like to be asked. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Always like to be asked. There's a couple of people in my past who deserve a bit of a rejection. Do you know what I mean?

A hundred percent. Oh God. I want to tell you a few, a few things about the Grammys. Some of the iconic moments. They're the ones for me this year. Remember Lady Gaga turned up in an egg? Vaguely, yeah.

She turned up in an egg. Well, I tell you, when I do the Graham Norton show, I want her stylist. Yeah, you'd have to look extra good. I'm very focused on the Graham Norton show. That's my new manifestation.

I'll tell you what about Graham Norton. I love him so much that I've seen him at parties and I'm like you know when you're just desperate to go and say hello to somebody. I'm too embarrassed. I can't do it. I've seen him at parties twice. He's just like he's kind of just out of reach. Too embarrassing.

We're not networkers. No I'm not a great networker. We're not networkers. No we're not networkers. Unless we've had four drinks. Four drinks. I've seen you after four drinks. That's not networking. That's harassment. I've had four drinks four drinks I've seen you after four drinks that's not networking that's harassment I've seen you in action I managed to hold

back for Graham Norton though like I was pretty drunk that night and even then I was like don't do it don't do it please don't do it I think I would

there's some people if I saw I think I would say hi because it's a genuine admiration it's not a case of what can I get out of you or can I get a photo

with you I wouldn't even it would just be like can I I just want to say hi I'd love a picture as well I'd put that on my wall now another thing

in the Grammys Michael Jackson wore his legendary single sequined glove to the 1984 Grammys JLo remember that green dress

she wore it led to the creation of Google Images because so many people wanted to see it you remember the Versace one yes I do indeed and she did that thing that she do. They're like, oh look, it still fits because she put it on like 20 years later and she's still banging in it. I Googled,

we were talking about Google Maps and Google images and all the weirdest meeting folks were chatting about this joke. So you know the way the Google camera came around, it took a photo of the world and we were going through the random stuff that it caught. And personally, my favorite, and it's number one on most of the websites, is a naked man in the boot of a car. Are his arms tied? Like, I don't know whether to laugh or call the guards. Like, is he being abducted or does he know? I think he knew that the Google camera was coming his way.

People knew. They'd like, they were like, Google camera's on its way. Google camera's coming. Like if you see the guards doing a checkpoint down the road, people flash lights and tell each other. It was the same with the Google camera. People knew. But yeah, Joe Googled it. He's naked in the trunk of a car. But there's a little dog lying there as well. And I actually think that dog is so

used to your man going into the trunk for a wank that he just like lies there and chills out and waits for him. It's either kinky or illegal I don't know what it is something dark was going on there's a lot of mooning

there's some blowies in there mooning I just think it's too 90s for me it's do you remember mooning though and do you remember jocking people

do you remember that in school you'd always be jocked that was fucking awful do you remember getting jocked in school you don't know what jocked is joe oh do you not when you get jocked it's when someone comes and just pulls your trousers down from behind and you're just left standing there you've never been jocked it's too 90s i think we call it being pantsed being pantsed okay yeah same thing mooning to me I'm not impressed

by someone mooning it's very 90s it's like scheletrics or blur I think it's just it's over it's over do you know when I was in fourth year speaking of mooning we were away on a school trip Google images reminded me of this

we were away on a school trip and we were upstairs in our hotel and it must have been like I don't on a school trip and we're upstairs in our in our hotel and it must have been like i don't know 20 floors up and we're all sitting there in our room maybe four girls and then we see this man in the hotel opposite and he's just sitting there wanking with the curtain open and he keeps looking up at us so i run get my box of special case sit back on the ledge about seven more girls come in and we sat there watching. Did I tell this story? And we sat there watching this man just wank away at himself and stare at us.

And then the little shitebag, do you know what he did? He rang his reception to ring our hotel to tell on us. And our teacher came banging on our door being like, what are you doing, guys? And all I was doing was enjoying my special k on the windowsill okay so he accused you

of voyeurism yeah but he was sitting there with his curtain open having a wank obviously in the nudes do you think was he getting a kick

out of you watching him or was he not yeah yeah yeah 100% there was like 11 girls standing there watching him eating a box of special k

like he was thrilled with himself jackpot and he had the neck to rat you out also heads up our beanies are on sale

at mtgmstore.com if you bought yourself a hat Jo because you're not getting one for free forget about that focus the swipe up code for you Jo

13% off you can have 10% off If you bought yourself a hat, Jo, because you're not getting one for free, forget about that. Focus the swipe up code for you, Jo. 13% off. You can have 10% off. Can we please talk about the Chinese Bible Inn? Okay. Jo, did you hear about the Chinese Bible Inn? It's become like this online little celebrity in its own right.

This balloon. It's basically, it's a balloon floating around across America it's around kind of Montana area turns out anyway don't know how they figured it out but it turns out it was the Chinese spying on Americans right so but it's quite a large balloon oh my god it's a huge balloon yeah so then then how did they think they were going to get away with them i know they didn't even put a basket on the bottom of it put a basket on the bottom of it and then we just thought it was a hot

air balloon yeah make it yellow basket on the bottom perfect hot air balloon put marry me gordon across the side i think it was an engagement blimp it's it's like you're trying you're the chinese the chinese government send in an invisible drone. It just seems so old-skilled. It's sending this huge balloon. It's like something from the 40s. Do you know what the Chinese government are? They're lazy.

Well, they're certainly not as smart as I think they are. No, sending a balloon out like that. In saying that though, like I was actually in awe of the people who caught that there was something suspicious. I would literally think it was a gender reveal party that had just kind of floated out of a garden. I'd be like, oh, look, they're having a white one. And then get on with my day. But anyway, so then they didn't want to shoot it down over land because they didn't know what was going to be in it.

Could have been someone, you know, manning it. Cycling along. Yeah. Cycling through the sky of Montana. So anyway, they shot it down then, but it had already gotten its data. But the thing that made me laugh the most was the Chinese government

got really annoyed and they were like, it was just a weather balloon. You're being really paranoid. It was just a weather balloon. Trying to see what the weather was like in China and it got blown off course and it ended up in Montana

stopping, so paranoid. So trying to like gaslight them or whatever but yeah but it made me it's so interesting because like I don't really you know I don't know

the ins and outs obviously because I'm not in the CIA or the FBI or the CIE which is our Dublin bus company but anyway

the Chinese government are always getting accused of spying they're always getting in trouble for bits and bobs they're always getting accused of spying and TikTok is the big one trouble for bits and bobs now. They're always getting accused of spying

and TikTok is the big one. But I was thinking like the American government have been trying to get rid of TikTok because they think the Chinese government are spying on Americans via TikTok. And the whole world, everyone's obsessed with TikTok.

That'd be a great way to spy. But what would you find out? Some 15-year-old called Gretel scored some lad called Jason. There's nothing to know. It's just kids lip syncing. It would be very unusual if you came across this 15 year old called Grattle. That would be something. Anyway, I just think

if you're trying to collect American intelligence, TikTok is not the place to do it. What they've done is they've realised that and they sent in a balloon. But it was the talk of the town Vogue. It was the talk of the town. I don't know how I missed it. What they've done is they've realised that and they sent in a balloon. But it was the talk of the town, Vogue. It was the talk of the town. I don't know how I missed it. You missed it all.

Welcome to the goodbye of my therapist ghosted me. Hello there, goodbye. Hello and goodbye. Goodbye. With me, Joanne McNally, and her, Vogue Williams. And him, don't worry about it. Thank you.