My Therapist Ghosted Me - Passport Problems, Comedy Reviews & Turning 40!

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Fresh from their shows at The London Palladium, Vogue & Joanne discuss celebrating a milestone birthday in the sky, Eurovision and the reason why interviewing someone is harder than you might think!If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! Remember to check the venue websites as well as Ticketmaster!For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to my third guest to be with me, Bo Williams and her, Joanne McNally, fresh from the Londoner Hotel, which is two minutes from Global, so she's thrilled. Yeah, staying in the Londoner. Did you go and sit in the toilets like I told you?

Straight in. Heated toilet seats. I told you. Straight in. I couldn't get over and it's not even like you have to turn it on. It's heated at all times.

Excuse me, are they in all the bedrooms as well? Yeah. Oh my God. I know. Wow. I know. I know, heated toilet seats.

Living my life. They can wash you. And they dry you and all as well. Yeah. But I know I know heated toilet seats living my life they can wash you and they dry you and all as well yeah but I don't know I haven't really gone down that route I did that

and it was a bit much on the old the bum yeah the bum wasn't great for lack of a better word because I know and I think

I think it's saying if I was to really kneel down into the bowl and read the instructions that it can shoot water out. Cleans you. Water cleans you.

Yeah, that's a lot. But I would say that you're not really... Well, maybe you are like a hotel blogger. Oh, well, I feel like I'm slightly... Just don't post your ex. Don't do it.

I'm kind of turning into... I love posting hotel rooms. I think I'm turning into a bit of a wanker, but I can't help it. I fucking live out of those things I have to be honest I enjoy seeing

other people's hotel rooms I get a kick out of it as well I like it a room tour is my favourite thing I think we're showing our age but I do I don't it's so funny

because I I was thinking about tagging them in the breakfast I did the end but I was like they're not they're not going to appreciate it because

my breakfast is ugly I like an ugly breakfast. I like two eggs, rock hard. I have to be very clear with staff. I'm like, like tennis balls because they're like hard and usually they kind of give this grimace of disgust. I'm like, yes, rock hard,

like bounce off the ground, abandoned eggs, like abandon them in the pot. Don't even think about them. Don't set a clock, don't set an alarm. Kind of like an egg you'd make for a salad exactly

and usually they can't get their head around it and a lot of the time it'll come out soft anyway because it kind of goes against the

chef's DNA it's like asking for a well done steak exactly too much anyway London this morning rock hard

I could hardly cut them I have to say which is unusual for you because you're not always late but you were five minutes late and you were literally a crossroad

I know well do you know why I was five minutes late because you had a bath who has a bath in the morning because you because Vogue rang me at nine minutes past ten

from her home so I was like she's not going to be in there I told you I was on the road and we're due in at half ten were you I was on the road but my driver

it sounds like my personal driver it was a man from Uber so obviously I didn't say a word because I don't want to get any less stars and he just decided to take me on a little

tour of London it was great I was really happy about it still didn't say a word still didn't say a word because her writing's not great what is it now 2.5

it's 4.8 or something like that but I am no no maybe it's 4.6 I am but I'm a 5 star I'm sorry

but I'm a 5 but now I learned Imo showed me how to do this thing where you figure out how many reviews you've been left so Spenny might have

a higher rating than me but he's been left like way less reviews than me so you know I heard you were like minus three or something.

I heard it was really bad. It's not great. Maybe it's because I have a drink in the car like I had my coffee in the car. They don't like that. I don't know what it is

because like it makes no sense that I'd have a higher rating than you yet I do. It's significantly higher. I might pull back on the tipping and the talking

for a couple of weeks to see. It's the talking. It's not so much the talk. Well I couldn't talk today and I had to go all the way around London because I didn't say anything

trying to be polite I told you about my passport being left I told you about the American Embassy did I oh I know I know so I can't keep my passport on me

I just cannot keep it on me I lose it all the time or I pack it somewhere safe and then send everyone into chaos because it's gone missing and sorry I just thought of an idea for you.

What? Get an air tag for it. Put your air tag in the passport. That's such a good idea. Garou does it. He's chipped his. That's really clever. But when you speak about a passport,

like I've got the fear now. I'm like, where's my passport? Like I'm starting to think about where is it? I guarantee yours is in like a glass jar in the house. It's probably in like a travel case in the safe somewhere. Nothing is ever lost. So anyway, lost my passport in Australia

well thought I had and then obviously there was all this panic I had to go I contacted the Australian embassy in Ireland and blah blah blah and I was filling out forms

I was due to go in and see them found it then in a pocket everyone's like fuck sake Joanne I was like I'm sorry so took us out because I had to go home

I had to come home from Australia get an American visa and because I'm going to Boston tomorrow yeah had to come home from Australia get an American visa and because I'm going to Boston tomorrow yeah so I get the visa I get the passport arrive home from Australia go to the American Embassy

the next day thrilled at myself I get out of the Uber and I'm walking around trying to figure out which queue I have to join hoping it's the one with no queue

but that's for Americans I had to join the 60 foot long queue anyway so I'm walking around looking around trying to figure out where I'm going it's the one with no queue, but that's for Americans. I had to join the 60 foot long queue. Anyway, so I'm walking around, looking around, trying to figure out where I'm going. Next thing, the Uber comes up, flying back up the road. He's like, Joanne, Joanne. I was like, what? He goes, your passport's in the back seat.

I was like, oh my God, again? Like, again? It's been 48 hours. You need an air tag. I need an air tag. Yeah. Imagine doing all that queuing and then getting into your meeting about your visa and you have no passport. it's been 48 hours you need an air tag I need an air tag imagine getting it imagine doing all that queuing

and then getting into your meesing about your visa and you have no passport I'm kind of surprised you haven't sorted all that stuff out yet like I gave Spenny an air tag and I was like

this is great like put this in your luggage and he lost his luggage on the way home from New York and he was like well why do I care I know it's in the airport and I was like

yeah but now you know it's in Heathrow it's not in America anymore and he's like that's a load of shit and I'm like okay fine I'm not giving you the air tag why would he hold on I don't he basically doesn't appreciate the fact that I was like, yeah, but now you know it's in Heathrow. It's not in America anymore. And he's like, that's a load of shit. And I'm like, okay, fine. I'm not giving you the air tag anymore.

Why would he? Hold on, I don't... He basically doesn't appreciate the fact that I was able to tell him that his bag had landed in Heathrow. I was like, it's not in New York anymore. You'll get your bag today. And he's like, I don't give a shit.

Like, it doesn't matter where it is. I'll get it. And I was like, yeah, but you mightn't have got it. It might have gone to Turkey. I don't know where he gets that confidence from because loads of people don't get their luggage back. I've seen them. I wonder where does that luggage go?

I think it's taken... What I've always just found so strange about airports is the security around every other part of an airport is so high. Do you know in some airports the bag carousel is in arrivals?

So like people are standing there. Just could take any bag. Just could take anything. Like I don't understand it but it's like like when you have to take off your jewellery and stuff when you're going through

security and it's like anyone like then you're waiting and your bag is like all your stuff has gone through and it's like

anyone could just take that will we talk about our weeks sure why not I'll go first go on then I turned 40 I loved your post about turning 40

can I just say thank you very much I'm feeling very positive about it I always thought turning 40 would be a very kind of I don't know why

I think because because I think people make you feel like that they do and society fetishises the youth it does and the old

like back in the olden days 40 was 80 do you know what I mean? Like our parents and our grandparents at 40, they looked like they were in their late 80s. Have you seen, yeah. Have you seen Blind Date when they're like 22 and they look constantly like that? It's mad. Do you know what I mean?

Now, obviously we have access to all sorts of... Skin care. Tweakments and treatments and everything. But also I think it's like an attitude. There's no such thing as middle aged anymore. It doesn't, 40 is not what it was. But when I was growing up, 40 just seemed like it was ancient.

And because I always felt quite childish, you know, I was, I am a bit childish, that I, 40 seemed like such a huge milestone. I was like, what, am I just going to suddenly start wearing Floral and maxi dresses?

Like what happens? No, leave that, excuse me, excuse me excuse me what's wrong you have nothing to worry about you're ready for it what the hell is wrong

with a floorland maxi dress you are ready for 40 Vogue you've been ready for 40 since you were 22 years of age but so but then I was coming into it and I

I kind of thought because I always thought that I would be nervous about it or feel badly about it but I'm telling you now and this is no bullshit

I feel like I'm stepping into this whole new like chapter I really am I'm feeling really positive about it and that's not me going I feel really

positive about it I genuinely there's like there's this wave of calm came over me without any medication taken it was just like oh wow

I'm a full grown adult now I'm an adult I can make all my own decisions now I don't have to wait for anyone to approve anything from me it's all up to me now I love it

yeah I feel like you get that with 40 I feel like when you turn 30 and you realise like everyone kind of sets themselves a milestone for 30 like I want to be married

I want to have kids when I'm 30 and when you hit that milestone and you're neither of them you're just kind of like oh my god I've totally fucked up but by the time you're 40

you're like do you know what I'm happy with my position it's so totally this is what I want and I don't it's like I am unmarried

and child free and I'm like totally cool with that now of course obviously I'll have a gin and a plane and want to get pregnant again but for the moment

you're happy you're happy I text Amber by the way I'm so happy about it Amber texts me sorry because your birthday post and I said love you best looking 40 year old I text Amber by the way I'm so happy about it Amber texts me sorry because your birthday post and I said

love you best looking 40 year old I've ever seen Amber wrote back what the fuck folk because didn't she just turn 40 I said you're not 40

she goes so you're going to delete the comment on May 31st she looks great she looks great for 40 as well this is what we're not we're not we're no longer saying she looks great for 40 we're saying This is what we're not, we're no longer saying

she looks great for 40. We're saying she looks great. Yeah. That's what we're saying. She looks great. She doesn't look great for 37, but me. She looks like she has three kids.

She looks like a bag of shit. We were in the airport. I flew home to be in Dublin for the birthday because we were in the Palladium the night before doing Gasted. And we were in the airport and there was a bit of a delay and Alan was with me. So we were in the Palladium the night before doing Ghosted and we were in the airport and there was a bit of a delay

and Alan was with me so we went to the lounge and Alan's allowed in for free because he is proud of Peter snob air club member like you've ever saved one single air mile

in your life that's the problem neither have I I can't figure out the system no I don't get it either so your mom said to me look look

it's 50 quid in but do you want to pay do you want to pay and Alan was like you don't want to pay that do you and I said of course I'm going to pay I said it's my birthday

and your man goes 25 and I went oh my god no I'm 40 and he was like no I'll do you for 25 quid he's like

I'll let you in for 25 and I was like how nice is that I know because I was like point out a badge you should have let even for free though come on I had a badge out a badge You should have let Even for free though

Come on I had a badge A 40 badge I really leaned into it You have to And it's not over yet No it isn't I have to plan your party

Over here This hell year I'm going to be just Leaning into this hell thing We should go on a trip Let's go on a trip I'd love that Like somewhere nice though

I don't want to go to Berlin I don't want to go raving Or anything like that Somewhere nice I want to go somewhere nice We're huge in Berlin You've just fucked the tour No Berlin scares me Say sorry to go to Berlin. I don't want to go raving or anything like that. Somewhere nice. I want to go somewhere nice. We're huge in Berlin. You've just fucked the tour. No, Berlin scares me.

Say sorry to Berlin. Sorry, Berlin. I've just really ruined myself and I've gone to you. I know exactly what you mean. What you're saying is you want to go somewhere peaceful and retreat-y. Yeah.

Well, not retreat-y. I just want to go lie by a pool. Like maybe Greece. Yeah. Santorini. Santorini. Yeah. No, I'm definitely

going to do something not big but you have to have a London you have to have a London birthday I usually avoid birthdays

but not this one no we have to have a London birthday we have to have a birthday going away where we invite a few people yeah and maybe another going away birthday at some other time

do you know what it is and I I hope I don't become too serene or I'll lose my is and I I hope I don't become too serene or I'll lose my job but I I was thinking about it I actually got kind of emotional on the day at the first because Alan gave me it was the first card I had and it was like 40 and you're kind of like oh shit this is really happening and then I started crying and he's like okay and I was like it's not sadness it's pride I was like I feel like I've finally proven myself

to myself whereas in my 30s I was trying to prove myself to like fucking men usually or some shit whereas now I'm like Buddhist

I hope Amber feels like that when she turns 40 and then I obviously started drinking champagne yeah but it's your birthday 100% what did you do on your birthday day so you went to the airport

we went in here flew home with Aer Lingus because obviously my passport's in the American Embassy and Aer Lingus are the only airline that'll let you fly home on a wink and a nod. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like, sure, go on. Hop on there. Are you Irish? Go on. Skip on. We would like to say that's not actually true.

You have to have a driver's license. Joanne, just go wherever you want. Aer Lingus. I'm coming to New York yeah go on Joanne go on Joanne Joanne it's yourself pop on there

up the front in the cockpit like the old days they're like do you want to have a steer for the birthday I was like woo

those were the good old days I know you were being brought up I remember watching when I was in my aircraft investigation phase a fly crashed because one of the pilots let a child

into the cockpit and thought that the thing was on autopilot and let the child like woo like your dad would with the car took the wheels whatever you call them what are they called the wings the controllers yeah the controllers and she fucking flew the thing in between

I shouldn't laugh it's long ago now though you can kind of have I had to stop watching things Yeah, the controllers. And she fucking flew the thing in between her two planes. Stop. I should laugh. It's long ago now though you can kind of have... I had to stop watching things like that. I was watching the one about Malaysian Airways and stuff and it just, it really started to freak me out. Like, there's some...

Iran did it. Who? The pilot. Oh, well, some people think that the pilot did it but other people think that someone shot the plane down because don't forget

there was a plane shot down recently over Ukraine they found a stimulator no a simulator machine in his house what kind of stimulator

speaking of stimulators I need to talk to you about that Kegel chair you know they have one in Ireland now the Avoca Clinic have one in Wicklow do the Avoca Clinic

have like Avoca food as well no it's just in Avoca but they are near Avoca restaurant but they don't sell you can't like sit in a chair and have a sandwich. Oh my God, everyone's been

okay, anyone in Ireland that's where the chair is. I get so many messages about the chair for Ireland. Yeah, I'm saying a Vogue of clinic have one in Wicklow. I couldn't believe that we didn't have one before though

because like genuinely if your friend is having a baby and you're thinking about getting her something for for a baby shower like a little time on that chair it was the best

thing that I've ever done I need to go back on it I need to get back on the chair I'm going to Boston tomorrow

how many suitcases? one one suitcase so I'm not bringing a coat because I'm just not carrying a coat

around so I don't I don't know what the weather is in Boston I think you're going to need a coat in Boston it takes up half the case yeah but you wear it on the plane I got you packing bags as well

did you? yeah thank you I'm going to teach you how to pack but anyway so flew home with Erlingus and I

wink and a nod hopped on and they threw me a little party on the plane. Well, you usually throw yourself a party. I know. It was nice somebody else did this.

I couldn't believe it. Did they just give you a little drink? Yeah. They always give me a tea. We're so different. They gave me. Tea and a porridge, folk, yeah. Yeah, no, he gave me two bottles of Bersakko,

a chicken sandwich and a bag of Tate out. And I was like, thank you. So you bought yourself the gins. And then, no, no. No, no, he gave me two bottles of Prosecco, a chicken sandwich and a bag of Tate out. And I was like, thank you. So you bought yourself the gins. And then, no, no. No, no. Then your one came down with a trolley and she looked at my trade because I assume you're OK. And I said, well, you'll assume it correctly.

I said, I'll have two gin tonics and a Sauvignon. Alan was driving us home from the airport. So he was just sitting there. Sorry. I was doing you. That was all for you. I was like, ole, ole. Coming home, coming home from the airport so he was just sitting there sorry I was doing you that was all for you I was like ole ole

coming home coming home for the birthday yeah and then you went to your mum's house went to my mum's where she had a party with my brother and sister-in-law

and his two kids and she's so funny she says she had this inflatable flamingo I saw the flamingo she didn't know it was me who likes the flamingo she didn't know

she was like I said what's with the flamingo and she goes well you loveatable flamingo I saw the flamingo I don't know it's me who likes the flamingo she didn't know she was like I said what's with the flamingo and she goes well you love a flamingo didn't you have some joke about it on the podcast I said

that's vogue can you not tell us apart that's so embarrassing it's getting more and more difficult I know people I know we sound the same but you're my mother you're probably telling people

I married an aristocrat you obviously don't have a clue what's going on with my life and then she had a whole meat platter oh I don't she's like you love parma ham

I was like I don't love parma ham and I was giving out about it somewhere I was like why is she she basically put a spread on of everything I don't eat with a pink flamingo

that was Vogue's joke I came into the kitchen she just had this plate out with this huge pile of Parma ham and I was like I'm sorry are we just

are we building our own pizzas from scratch? Do you remember you said that as a kid? But I like all those things but she obviously doesn't know

I've given up the pig. She doesn't know you've given up the pig. I actually gave up Parma ham I used to always get a Parma ham pizza and I gave it up because someone one day

mentioned to me they were like that reminds me of what I think human would taste like. As soon as our friend Andrea said it. And I was like, and since that day, it was honestly,

it was probably about seven years ago now. I cannot eat parma ham. It tastes like a human. I would say humans are more, I would say meatier. But I think parma ham is just the way it's cut, I would say. I think we're kind of piggish.

I think we'd be piggish. I remember I thought, one of my moments was I thought tuna was the size of the can. I thought they were just tiny fish. I thought that was just it, that they just took a fish, mashed it up, and put it in a tin. But I didn't realise tunas were these huge shark-sized fishes.

And very expensive. I love a bit of tuna. That's the only fish I think that travels well in a I love a bit of tuna that's the only fish I think that travels well in a tin bit of tuna who else travels in a tin

sardines travel in tins no one eats sardines no one eats sardines no one's eaten one of them since the 70s no they haven't did you see

speaking of of royalty and spend did you see the carnation I will I obviously do you know it's so sorry no of royalty and spent did you see the carnation I well I obviously do you know so

sorry no no I I really like I really wanted to get into it

and people were having street parties and stuff like that but we had had our playdium the night before and I was kind of tired I did catch parts of it but like what I found

with it like Charles was just kind of like walking down the aisle but like he I found with it like Charles was just kind of like walking down the aisle but like he didn't really have any kind of face on him he just was like dead pan

and just looking at people with his crown was it because the crown could fall off and if the crown falls off that's a pretty bad thing I did think he looked I was

because I woke up the day of the carnation I was in yours the morning of the carnation so it was on in the background obviously because Vogue is royal adjacent but I was like

I've already nearly lost my passport a couple of times I don't want to fucking watch the carnation they'll literally break in the background obviously because Vogue is royal adjacent but I was like I've already nearly lost my passport a couple of times I don't want to fucking watch the carnation they'll literally break into the house and take it off me I was like

as an Irish person don't even fucking point that tally in my direction or I will dissolve Michael T Higgins I actually got out of bed Joanne was up at half seven

ready for the church service to begin in the crown yeah my own little paper crown yeah she had one of those flags go on Charlie but it was funny though

I actually I was kind of disappointed that I wasn't invited especially when I saw Prince Harry was invited I know and like they obviously have more respect

for you now than they do for him well obviously not which is kind of rude I heard he was sitting pretty far down the back though I mean you would be if you've just you will be liable to your entire family they're not gonna be like hey how and then i can't imagine that uh that any of his family want to talk to him because you know when you find out someone's been bitching about you're like well i'm not telling

them anything again i know but it wasn't even like bitching is bitching is done behind closed doors there's an etiquette to it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? There's a, doing it to your, doing it publicly, like writing a book, it's so,

it's so full on about your entire family. Do you know what I read about it? Which, so you know that fella, Omid Scobie? He's meant to, No. So he's this,

he's this royal author and Joe, correct me if I'm wrong, does he basically get fed information from Harry and Meghan and then puts it out yeah so that's that's pretty much

what happens and then like Meghan said he said Meghan said that Kate was late because her kids were late and it's like you're not even there

and you're feeding information stop feeding information did you see that by the way Pornhub has been coming back up on my search bar

I haven't been that much into it. But there was actually a lookalike. So they made a new porn film with a lookalike Charles in it. Know that? That's when you know you're having your moment. He should be delighted. He should be absolutely thrilled. Yeah.

The royal penis is clean. Do you remember that? Coming to America. Do you remember? remember do you remember that coming to America do you remember do you not remember that film have you not seen that film that was a great movie it's so good

it's Eddie Murphy Eddie Murphy and what's his name he's an African prince anyway and he has like he's in this royal bath and this woman

just re-emerges from the water and he's like the royal penis is clean but did you see when Charles was in the car and giving out about the traffic and they got a lip reader to see.

Oh I know they had lip readers on all of them. What? Like you can't be doing that. He wasn't giving out about the traffic. There was no traffic because all the roads

were closed for him. But he was saying that why are our family always late? And I kind of love him for that. Because everyone's family is always late. Someone's always an eight person. That's so funny.

I did think about the traffic. I was like, I just can't imagine Charles sitting there behind a Ford Focus trying to get to his own event. I was like, how bad can the traffic be? I'd love to have a little go

in that thing, that little, what's it called? That horse and cart. If you play your royalist cards right, you won't be allowed on an Aer Lingus flight again I hate to tell you babe

Aer Lingus are now owned by BA excuse me that's so confusing I never bring it up I love Aer Lingus did you see Katy Perry at it I didn't I heard she looked confused

it was bad poor Katy Perry was just searching and searching and searching for her seat and couldn't find it. So what's the,

like, just because cameras were on her and they picked up that she couldn't find her seat. So what you're trying to, an embarrassing moment

you're trying to do privately, like, you know things like that that are really embarrassing and you're like, oh, and then everyone's

watching it. How do they not have someone escorting her to her seat? Well, because think of all the amazing people that were there

like all the heads of state and everything they were like like Katy Perry wasn't the most important person there well she kind of was no

was she doing a bit of singing was she doing a bit of singing she was there there was a concert now I miss the concerts I was in bed I was watching a great movie actually

are we gone from the coronation here she goes she's gone are we nipping through are we on to the next thing well the coronation? Here she goes. She's gone. Are we nipping through? Are we on to the next thing? Well, the coronation has been and gone. And Joanna loved it. Couldn't break her away from the TV.

The coronation. Is that what they're calling it? The coronation. I did wonder about that whole lip reading thing, though. Like, is that legal? Apparently that's why all the footballers all talk like this. They cover their mouth on the field. We're going to have to start doing that.

The amount of shit we talk. We should start doing that on the tour as well. And the paps are constantly around you like fruit flies. What else did I do this week? I took the kids to a museum yesterday. I was trying to be like all like cultural.

Yeah. And there was a museum in the Saatchi Gallery and it was like all about street art and stuff like that. And I thought this is great they're going to love this well Theodore you have never heard

a kid whinge so much this is four floors of whinging and I was like I am getting through the four floors if it kills me and then I was like

T which one's your favourite in this room nothing and he just shouts that out in front of everyone I'm like can you just please not do that

even adults are like that in museums I love a museum I love that it's so nice and quiet but I was looking at people looking at the paintings thinking they're looking at it

for a long time what are they seeing that I'm not seeing I think they're probably trying to see something like one of those mirage things do you remember those

when they start moving if you look at them the right way I think there's a bit of pressure to take it in like I don't think you can nip through like you can't kind of

slide through a museum I think I don't think you can nip through on a, like you can't kind of slide through a museum. I think, I don't know. Welcome to my therapist ghosted me. Oh Christ, that sounds so disgusting. Sorry. Welcome, welcome back. I interviewed so I always kind of thought that I would maybe have a future

as a chat show host yeah now the only reason I thought that was because people ask you what are you working towards what's the goal and I didn't have one

so I just kind of started saying chat show host because that's what people say well Kris Jenner did it why could you not do it did she yeah she had a chat show for a while

I mean it got cancelled after one season but like she had a chat show for a while. I mean, it got cancelled after one season, but like she had a chat show. Yeah, I mean, mine will definitely get cancelled after one season if it even makes it to that. But yeah,

so it's a chat show house. I think I'm interested in people. I'd be a good chat show host. Anyway, Annie Mack. Oh yeah. DJ. I was going to say Irish DJ, but that isn't,

that's, she's just like an international DJ from Ireland. Yeah. Has written a book, second book, called The Mess We're In and she'd sent it to me

and I really enjoyed it and I was telling her I really enjoyed it I'm going to start that you gifted it to me it's really good I did I gifted it to you and I said

she has a podcast and she was like look would you interview me on my podcast about my book because she just interviews other people and I was like

oh my god I'd love that I'd be absolutely honoured that's kind of cool Annie Mack is like Annie Mack is cool she's cool she's cool anyway I was like this is my God, I'd love that. I'd be absolutely honoured. That's kind of cool. Annie Mack is like, Annie Mack is cool. She's cool. She's cool. Yeah.

Anyway, I was like, this is something I'd really enjoy doing. Oh my God. It was like my brain just shut down. I felt so bad. Joanne came home. That's the face she made when she came home. It was so bad. She was so shocked.

It couldn't have been that bad, Joanne. It was that bad. It couldn't have been. It was that bad. At one stage, she's so nice. She was like shocked. It couldn't have been that bad, Joanne. It was that bad. It couldn't have been. It was that bad. At one stage, she's so nice. She was like, you're doing a really good job. Oh, no. It was basically like, so you wrote a book.

Did you like writing a book? Do you think you'll write another book? What's it like writing a book? What's your favourite thing about it? What was your least favourite thing about writing a book? It was like interviewing a child who's written... Yeah. I just had...

Do you know what it was? Because I was listening to what she was saying and because I've no experience of interviewing anyone because me and Val just scream at each other for an hour every week. It's about who talks louder. So it's not like... And it's... My real was, it's not like and it's

my real was whatever you can't everything she says you can't go me too same you can't do that Joanna

because it's about her so you can't be like it is it does have to be about them you can't be like oh my god that happened to me that's so weird you can't

so I have to let her talk and then you're kind of lettering her talk and you're like don't just be thinking about the next question. Just be present in the moment.

But then when she'd finished talking, I'd know next question. I was too present. I was just too fucking present. Did you not have like questions written down? I did. I was like, hold on.

Sorry, Annie. Hold on a second now. What was the word count? Okay, hold on a second. There's nothing worse. Now, this is obviously not about Annie, but I interview people a bit

and when someone's super boring, like back in the day when I would have been doing less interesting things, someone would be super boring. I'd find myself and I'd start thinking about my shopping or something and I'd be like, oh God, oh God. I know, I do that.

Like back in the room, back in the room. Stop at it. Sausages, black pudding. I'm going to get a few eggs. The kids will want an omelette now on Friday. But I told you that's what happens with Spenny. And sometimes like I'll ask him a question about something and I can't, like I'm like,

I asked him a question that I want to know the answer to, but then he starts answering it and it's really boring. And I find myself, I just walk off. I just leave the room and he's like, he comes up to me and he's like, that's so rude. I don't even know I just leave the room and he's like, he comes up to me and he's like, that's so rude. I don't even know I do it because I'm like,

sorry, I actually just naturally got bored and left. Yeah, I mean, what can you do when your instincts scream leave?

You just gotta leave. But that's why being in a room with Spencer and Vogue, it's like, it's actually hard on your neck muscles because Spencer

will start telling me something and he he's up here because he's not being into personal space and he's up here and he's telling me something and he's

trying to tell me a story or whatever and I think Vogue will just interrupt in the middle of it like that like are you staying for dinner or

do you have any thoughts about the pod this week and so they're both talking to me now and obviously my allegiance is to Vogue so I have to

my head has to turn to her but then I'm kind of trying to still engage him it's it's it's a lot so there's another thing that he does like he will tell you the same thing

four different ways in a row all in one go so he'll start I'm like oh well we can't well we go here and he's like well we can't go there because of this

and you know it's because of this that we can't go there and this is and I'm like I heard you the first time and then he'll start telling me something and I might be like stirring my that we can't go there and this is and I'm like I heard you the first time and then he'll start telling me something and I might be like

stirring my tea or something and he's like are you listening I'm like no I closed my ears I'm not listening like of course I'm listening you have to like

focus on it it's too intense he is quite full on just let me do my bits and then I'll listen but he is full on but also when I was I can't even say interviewing Annie Mack

I don't know what I would call it I think that's going to sound amazing sitting with her sitting with Annie Mack just enjoying being in her company and be like so what is a book? you know like really

asking her the most basic questions I like the picture on the front and also then second guessing everything I said because she had this like

huge shift in career in her 40s basically she left Radio 1 and had this big show and kind of pivoted into

being an author now which is I just think very like inspiring it's just a shame stop saying she's inspiring kind of pivoted into being an author now which is I just think very like inspiring it's just a shame stop saying she's inspiring

stop it if you say it again they're going to kick you out stop it it's just so bad it's so bad because she's so cool she's so cool

if she wasn't as cool as she was it would have been okay I know you could see her kind of going what have I done here I should have just got

an AI to interview me that would have been had more of a personality but then anything I was like I just think it's amazing that you can

like it's I think it's so cool to change career because I I kind of did it as well I had less to lose

because I you know she was moving from a very successful career I was just moving from a job really but I was like

I just think it's so important for people to change it up whenever they can you know you could be a nurse one day and why not like you know retrain yourself

into being a gymnast or whatever and then I'm like but obviously only I understand I'm privileged like then all this fucking privilege shit starts coming into your head because you can imagine people going oh you think I'm like but obviously only I understand I'm privileged like then all this fucking privilege shit starts coming

into your head because you can imagine people going oh you think I'm a nurse you think I don't have bills to pay I'm going to be a fucking gymnast

you were scared of Molly May Hagen I'm so sorry I'm going to go work in a food bank for a week just double second guessing yourself

all the time Joanne everyone has the same 24 hours just kicking homeless people as you leave look at you you lazy bastard I think you'll be fine

it's just it is a shame that she is who she is like you know it was more just if it had been me it would have been okay you know do you know what

it's not because she's not because she's not like she's not she doesn't she's not trying to be an intimidating person I don't find her like that she's very affable

really like really sound really cool really nice really easy to chat to but I just am used to interviewing

people and it is actually a skill that I maybe assumed would be easier to just bang it out than it was like you'd have to

really learn how to do it I find it's just like my level of nosiness really helps me for that so like when I did all my documentaries and stuff

like I just want to know like I want to know things about people I have no idea about like I'd like to know about like Joe's mum and stuff like that like why do I care about that

but I do you know I've met her what yeah Joe's mum and dad came to like why do I care about that but I do you know I've met her what yeah Joe's mom and dad came to one of the shows in Yeovil yeah oh in Yeovil

and they're they're very cool are they yeah I was quite shocked seriously what happened to Joe yeah I was like

oh you're saying yeah you don't pick up your parents I was like I'd go drink them at you guys for sure that'll obviously come to one of our shows then do we have anything in Yeovil now

that you really turned your nose up at Joanne? We won't be back. Well, Yeovil was where they didn't even put me on the wall and they'd post my impact. I had signed a poster. Joanne, you're not as big as Postman Pac. Take a step down. I'm not.

I'm obviously not. And nor will I ever be. And that's fine. Somebody sent me well a couple of people sent me this review from Amazon and I ended up

like falling into a review hole which if you have any time on your hands like I would suggest go and have a bath and start looking at the funniest reviews

ever left It's a fantastic hole to go down It really is It's one of the best howls. So this is what is for sale on Amazon. Mini babies.

200 pieces. They are one inch mini plastic babies. Yeah. They could be put into an ice cube like there's a party favour as they're

described as. Mini babies. Or a decoration. Love it. So here's the review. Five stars. I bought these so I could hide them

everywhere for my fiancé to find at first he thought it was a charming new bit of mine he thought I had only one or two of these classic tiny babies

he thought wrong hearing his deep exhausted sigh followed by oh my god because he has found baby number 175

has brought me more joy than I could ever describe. The fear in his eyes when he opens anything because he is expecting a small plastic baby has produced more serotonin

than you can imagine. He is a broken man. I have destroyed his hope of living a life free of tiny plastic babies we will be finding these for the next 70 years

I will purchase these again I love her she's absolutely that's what you want in a relationship fear 100% fear of finding

finding shit that someone else has planted there I just think it's just a bit winding people up all the time it is it's so funny

it's like the joke that won't end sometimes jokes they're funny at the start and then they stop being funny but if you just keep going keep hammering them

they get funny again it's like there's a comedian I can't remember his name there was this comedian he had this bit where he would come out on stage say nothing

and just throw a pen up and try and catch it on his ear so at the start people were like and then it went on and on everyone was like

we're really quiet like it's a risky move and then someone was at the show they were telling me and then he just goes on so long that eventually

people are like come on come on and they get really into it and then at the end he gets it me and then he just goes on so long that eventually people are like come on come on and they get really into it and then at the end he gets it and they're giving stunning ovations

and everything yeah really funny anyway I love a cheap joke buy those babies but someone told me it was again really funny

oh my god shall we I'd actually buy them but I'm scared one of my kids would choke on them that's hilarious when my kids are older

I shall be also purchasing many babies 200 pieces babies tiny babies 30 people found this review helpful so funny i'd love that for my birthday okay i'll cancel the ring will i yeah okay grand i'd actually seen another thing that was this woman and she'd gone climbing up a mountain and there was pictures of her like falling down the mountain and she'd left the review and she was like

these leggings are amazing I didn't want to climb up the mountain and I began falling down backwards and they never ripped I will definitely buy them again she's just like skidding down a hill look at this restaurant review

four stars nice restaurant very attentive staff only deducted a star as there was a man murdered Skidding down a hill. Look at this restaurant review. Four stars. Nice restaurant. Very attentive staff. Only deducted a star as there was a man murdered beside me towards the end of my meal. What?

There was another one. You know those things that like you put your iPad or your Kindle in and it like protects them from water. You always see tourists going around.

Yeah, those things. So this guy left a review. Got this for the mother-in-law for bath time. Hoping it'd be crap her kindle would slip out and electrocute her so far

this bloody thing is staying in one piece great for waterproof kindling crap for murder do you want to hear a couple of reviews about us? no

you have to I don't want to come on a review from the Irish Times oh I'm surely not the first person to wondering what the neighbouring royals now inching You have to. I don't want to. Come on. A review from the Irish Times. Oh. I'm surely not the first person to wondering what the neighbouring royals now inching ever closer to the throne

are thinking when Vogue Williams takes the airwaves with her bestie Joanne McNally to talk about bestiality or vaginal tightness

or just curse up a blue streak. You'd worry that given the English muckety's feelings about one's need for discretion, all this loose upper lipness could have terror of London consequences. Is he saying our lips are loose? That's what I heard there.

He just put in vaginal tightening and loose lips in the one. He's deafening. Who wrote that? I'm not going to be lip shamed by some lad in the Irish Times. You don't know how loose they are I'm doing my best out here

this is obviously a daily mailer it's from a time when I was in Paris Jesus I wonder how many Cadbury cream eggs she could get in her mouth at once that thing is huge it's like a chasm

there's no way she was born a girl surely what what she was born a girl, surely. What? What? Otto's mouth is absolutely huge. The theatre is starting to grow into his, I think. You mean it's growing into him or he's growing into it?

He's growing into it. His face is getting bigger, so it's holding the mouth. That's what I looked like when I was younger just like one of those little zippy things what's that man? zippy

zippy or pac-man Anna Edgwene I was sent a story and I'm assuming you were sent it 10,000 times as well oh yeah

if I if I had a penny for every time I was tagged in the story about that woman surviving in the bush on wine I wouldn't have to

step foot into this podcast studio ever again I'd be hanging out with Richard Branson on his what's his island vanilla pod

or whatever it's called Necker whatever yeah I'd be over there do you know the it's like the joke you're like haha first couple of times

and then it's kind of like alright girls come on next I must have got it a hundred times honestly I don't know. It was, yeah, it was like being attacked.

I was accosted by that story for like 48 hours. And also, it's not even, so I read it. I was like, who is this girl? Add her to the WhatsApp. She doesn't drink. What happened was she was lost in the bush and she had a bottle of wine for her mother. And she sipped on it for 48 hours to hydrate herself.

A fucking bottle of wine. I'd have that gone by 9am. She sipped on it and I thought that would make you dehydrated. More dehydrated. Actually yeah that's a very valid point. So how she managed to do that. And she also had car snacks by the way I would just like to say. Right? She was lost for a week. One bottle of wine over three days. Yeah.

One bottle of wine over three days. Yeah. One bottle of wine over three days. Yeah, sure. That woman's not a legend. She's a prude. So, Ireland is out of the Eurovision already. I'm horrified.

Wild Youth. Great song. Great song. Lovely lads. Amazing performance. Amazing performance. But I did see like a couple of people before and after.

Oh yeah, go on. And I have to say like Croatia, what they did was wild. Like it was, Spenny was watching it and I was like, Spenny, have you never seen the Eurovision before? And he was like, I don't understand. Basically, Croatia had like the most insane military kind of drag show. And Spenny was like, he just couldn't understand it.

I was like, what do you think the Eurovision is? It's meant to be things like that. Like it's meant to be kind of wild and out there. It's not just like. I miss the glory days. Which were? I miss.

We were winning all the time. Well, Ireland won all the time. We used to be really good at the Eurovision. We were really good because we did kind of traditional Irish style songs and then we stopped winning

because we started doing like pop songs and then there was this conspiracy going around saying that Ireland was intentionally putting in shit songs

because they couldn't afford to host it anymore which is like Ireland's biggest conspiracy it's basically our 9-11 or Wuhan that's how big the conspiracy theory is in Ireland

because it goes around. I believe it's true. They're like, they're doing this on purpose. The government are sabotaging us because they don't want to pay to have it put on again. They were 100% sabotaging us. Yeah.

No, I agree. I agree. How Jedward didn't bring it home though. Come on. I forgot about them. They're perfect for the Eurovision. Do you remember that one? I am the voice of the wind and the boat.

Niamh Kavanagh. She was great. No, the voice of the wind and the boat Niamh Kavanagh she was great no that was Niamh Quinn and Niamh Kavanagh won it one year as well and what's her name Dana Dana won it

yeah she was the OG God we used to be so Rock and Roll Kids I don't remember them we were the Rock and Roll Kids Rock and Roll did they make that song up yeah

it's a great tune it's a great tune I thought that was someone like Elton John or something no they're rock and roll kid lads wow they were good

anyway I rang her out look at Croatia though come on like I want to go and see them in concert bang a Cheryl Cole

off that now we gotta fight fight I rang her out accidentally during the Eurovision because I didn't know it was on

and I can't believe you're ringing me the Eurovision's on didn't know it was on and Gerard's like I can't believe you're ringing me the Eurovision's on I was like you're not even that gay like why do you care he's pretty gay Gerard

he's not that gay he is he's definitely Eurovision gay did you think oh yeah he'll be delighted to hear that now he'll be absolutely thrilled

best Eurovision song ever was Euphoria hands down Euphoria oh yeah who did that who was that who won that

Dunno Joe Giggler how do you remember all this that was a great tune great tune Laureen from what country did it say Ireland nil points

but I don't they're doing it in sections now where it's like it's not just one competition they're dragging it out can you imagine

it used to be on I think it was where was it on out they're dragging it out can you imagine though it used to be on I think it was where was it on I don't remember in Ireland can you imagine having that many people performing in one venue like you've been in venues

you know what they're like can you imagine everyone crammed into a dressing room and I don't know why it would cost Ireland anything I'd say the rider was shit yeah I wouldn't say you get much

I'm sure they have to fly themselves over do you think make your own way pay for your own hotel of course I actually didn't own hotel. Of course. I actually didn't really watch it. I managed to catch Ireland last night,

but by chance, I actually didn't know it was on either. And then Croatia came on and I obviously then couldn't turn the telly off because it was so wild. I'm looking for something. I'm looking for kind of a new sense of purpose and I think it could be the Eurovision.

You think? Can I join you? I've always wanted to be a pop star, obviously. Yeah. I just think I could get into it. I think it's either that or ayahuasca so I'm thinking I might just commit to the Eurovision

you are going to be doing ayahuasca though a hundred hundred percent hook me up with a shaman I woke up like give me a week to recover from my weekend

and I'm going to be I'm going to be trying to find a local shaman yeah she's going to be licking frogs all over the place I want to start microdosing yeah licking little magic frogs microdosing I'm worried that I'll become too spiritual though I don't think that we need I want to start micro dosing. Yeah. Licking little magic frogs. Micro dosing.

I'm worried that I'll become too spiritual though. I don't think that we need. That's not a real concern for me. Okay. Okay. I think you're going to be okay. I'm like, how do I write a stand up show if I'm just serene? Do you know, it does concern me.

What if I epiphanize too much? No, you'll blow your life up for a stand up. That's really sweet. Thank you. You're very welcome. It's very reassuring. I find that very reassuring yeah you will do a great job of blowing your life up

thank you I found something two things out this week well one thing I found out there's a new dating trend called zombie uh huh have you ever heard of it

no so I actually figured out that I wasn't ghosted I was zombie so basically zombie is if you get ghosted, but then they bring you back from the dead. Oh, nice.

You get resuscitated. You get resuscitated only to get ghosted again. Yeah. So I got fucking double ghosted and zombied. By who? In a previous life,

before I met my current husband, I was zombied. But the worst part about it is, so you get ghosted, they bring you back from the dead. But you know, I didn't even hold out like half an hour before responding

to that text to the zombied text I was like hi oh where have you been you're like I'm already in the garden buddy

why don't you come over you're like open the door I've been waiting in your lobby for a year ah yeah I've been zombied

loads of times I think that's nearly worse and I actually year ah yeah i've been zombied loads of times i think that's nearly worse and i actually didn't realize i'd been zombied until i read about zombied i've i had a guy who i'd fancied for years and then he'd broken up with his girlfriend and we got together and then within 48 hours he'd gotten back with her oh no so it was like he'd broken up with her to test the waters he tested me and and was like, the waters are not great. The waters are murky out there. The waters are dark and hostile. There's nothing sexual about these waters.

I'm never going into those waters again. Get me my dinghy. I'm going to row myself back to safety. Don't point your waters at me again Joanne I remember it was so embarrassing because one of the girls had to ring me

and I was still like flying high from the fact that I'd been with them and she was like you know the way she's like hey

have you heard from blah blah blah and I was like well no but like obviously you know it's only Wednesday so you know and she's like Wednesday. So, you know.

And she's like, oh, he's back with your one. And I was like, I'm sure it didn't last, Joanne. Sure it didn't last. It didn't actually, in fairness. Good, good. Yeah, but nothing does. Thank you. I'm glad you're so supportive of my marriage.

Waiting for the next sash, babe. Waiting for the next sash. Joanne, I am packed and ready to go. Where? To Dubai. Yeah, doobs. What do you call Dubai? Don't even tell me.

To doobies? Well yeah, I'm packed and ready to go to Boston. Still tickets left for Boston. And still some tickets left for Dubai. I can't believe we're going for a different council in Dubai. I know. What's happening? Like, that's hilarious.

Where are we staying? All I know is I'm packed and I'm getting a blowjob before the show. That's all I need to know. They're my basics. Also, Newcastle, I know that you really dislike Joanne,

but I'm also going. So, we have a few tickets left for it. The second night of Newcastle. So do come and join us. We're going to have a great night. New few tickets left for it the second night of Newcastle so do come join us we're going to have a great night Newcastle

it's very hard to say Newcastle without doing the accent Newcastle is that good no it's not really bad is that terrible is that like when

someone does an Irish accent and it makes them want to claw their eyes out no it is not that sounds like a Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle

but no I've gone Welsh no it's not that's racist thank you for listening we will see you next week see you next week