My Therapist Ghosted Me - Peekaboo, Barbie & Beards

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

Vogue & Joanne are in Dublin as Vogue takes to the stage with Spencer for the Spencer & Vogue live shows! Plus, being a beard, hot takes on Barbie and some bonkers tweets. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams, and your man, McNally. I'm only half here, really. You're here. We're very, very, very... I'm not ready here really You're here We had a very Very Very I'm not ready to go into details Of that

Very heavy weekend Vogue and I Were doing our London Apollo Yeah Ghosted live shows Which We were also Kicking the shit out of ourselves

It was We had Davina Devine She's A bad influence Terrible influence Let's blame Davina and Davina so basically we had a very like that was like leaving certain results heavy it was so basically we're we're we're not in we're not in great shape physically emotionally mentally I'm on the ground well

I would say that I have I didn't batter myself and I have to say this to make myself feel better I'm sorry I didn't batter myself as much as Joanne but to make myself feel better. I'm sorry. I didn't batter myself as much as Joanne but I got to about I got to about 80% there which is a lot for me and it's only the Sunday I'm really disappointed

in myself for. Yeah because we had shows Just go home and go to bed and we had said. Well you see the thing with you folk is I blame you and Davina.

Oh 100%. I'm trying to blame Davina but Davina was the one trying to get home and I was trying to keep Davina up. So I finally Just half an hour more Davina. 20 minutes. Davina. Oh, 100%. I'm trying to blame Davina, but Davina was the one trying to get home and I was trying to keep Davina up. So I finally... Just half an hour more, Davina. 20 minutes.

Davina was like, she's like, I've never met anyone who wants to stay up later than I do. I was like, oh my God. You are. And I was kind of grateful for Davina because I could do the little sneakies

like, oh, I have to go to bed, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, because I would let you go then because I had someone else to sit up with me. Because you love chatting but you're a great chatter and they're nice chats and then one night

Davina went home early and Louisa your manager I was like I basically held onto her ankles and I was like well you're not going anywhere we've really damaged Louisa though

yeah she is not okay after that but I it's not tequila I thought it was the usual

we were just sitting up chatting but like if you're doing a show so we weren't getting home until half eleven so then you're sitting up and you're like let's just have a drink together

and then before you know it it's three o'clock and you're just in big trouble once it gets to three o'clock yeah and the rest anyway I

well I got I know you're not I'm talking about sleep because it makes me feel better I slept for nine hours nearly last night and I slept for ten hours

the night before well I've me and you are obviously rubbing off on each other a lot because we're spending so much time together I know

I'm I'm okay with a good shot about sleep are you? not allergic this is why I'll it's important to talk about sleep so yesterday

it's really important we should just raise awareness for the importance of sleep in case people don't know it's a thing you should be sleeping please get more sleep please

so yesterday I got back to Anna's Gary, back to Alan's and I was lying on the couch. How did you fly? Sorry, Joanna had to fly on Monday night. I went to bed at seven.

I was asleep by 7.08. I've been waiting to go to bed all day. It's like, please. Make it end. I was asleep on Sunday, on Monday, asleep again during the day. And then I set my alarm and dragged myself out of bed to get an 8pm flight home from Gatwick, which of course was delayed for two hours.

No! Because that's how Ryan R. Wells these days. What did you do? Oh, what do you think I did? Went to the bar. Of course I did. Oh no! I was like, I don't know what else to do.

I don't know what else to do I don't know what else to do how does one kill time in an airport if one isn't plying in pints of wine and wriggling in I would have had to go home

I would have gone home I would have cut my losses and I would have said I'm going back to Vogue I'm not going back to Ireland I three I three Pratamonjais I was in and out of Pratt

like a relay race I was handing my handing myself falafel wraps like like a I was handing myself falafel wraps like a baton. Finish one falafel wrap it'd be straight on to the chicken one.

Anyway, by the way, just a quick chat about Pret. In a taxi on the way in here to record the podcast we're in Dublin today and zipping along in the taxi

and drove past I hadn't seen the Pret in Dublin before and it's There's two Pret's in Dublin. The one that I hadn't seen the Pret in Dublin before and it's two Pret's in Dublin the one that I was looking at is up under the you know that building

at the top of the Lewis beside the Odeon exactly where the red box is and I was like stop the car sorry I have a terrible cough it's not

Covid sound engineers just put on a mask look uh oh he's put on a hazmat suit I'm scared. I was like,

stop the car. And he was like, screech, jumped out, went in, first time in Irish press. They have everything. Tip to the wise.

I'm assuming they're making the sandwiches and all here, like in Ireland. They're hardly shipping them over. No, they make them here fresh on the day, daily.

Fresh on the day. Now, they obviously haven't been, like, kind of, the people who are making the sandwiches and the wraps in Ireland have not been given out to yet for putting too much ingredients in. When I say those wraps are fat as fuck. Oh, wow. They're twice the size of the ones in the UK.

We were only discussing. Fat as fuck we were watching a video they're like a burrito yeah I know but that's what you want girthy full

over like stunning I feel like they won't do us dirty on that I think it will always be nice and cool no they won't

it'll happen eventually they'll give out they'll say they're wasting money on too much whatever they started doing porridge there as well by the way they didn't have porridge

to begin with and I thought you're missing a trick here I'm not going in like the only place to get nice porridge in the morning is Pratt anyway They started doing porridge there as well by the way. They didn't have porridge to begin with and I thought you're missing a trick here. Missed a trick. I'm not going in. Like the only place to get nice porridge in the morning is Pratt. Anyway.

If you want folks swinging around your Pret-a-Manger in Dublin you better be providing porridge. If you wanted to cut a ribbon on that place That's it. Porridge. Oats. Or

Oats for days. Nothing. Anyway. Fascinating. Oh. So I flew obviously with our lingus. Another. That's not an ad.

Woo. oh so I flew obviously with Aer Lingus another that's not an ad woo I've never had a problem really with Ryanair maybe once or twice back in the day I probably don't fly them enough but like they've always got me

and EasyJet I'm a big fan of yeah fly EasyJet a fair bit now I know look my understanding is it's pot luck someday

every airline gets to late I know I know myself from flying because it's pot luck someday every airline gets too late I know I know myself from flying because it's all the kind of back and forth in the UK

if something happens in the morning in the airport the whole system is fucked for the whole day do you know what you haven't figured out you haven't figured out

City Airport which is unusual I do but it's too expensive oh is it well you're going the whole way to Gatwick you see I just I know that I just

want to go to Heathrow because I know that like it's the closest to me and I'm just happier for less travel time but anyway I got on the plane

and I fell asleep obviously because we had battered ourselves over the weekend I fell asleep before we'd even taken off and the sleep that you have on the plane you know that your mouth

is like on your lap and I just don't care don't care you're so ugly and rotten just catching flies and drooling all over the window in the window seat

because it's the best seat the best seat I was the same I was asleep before we took off on the it's so glorious and then I woke up and thought we'd landed

like the whole thing was very confusing and then this poor child you might saw that on your stories little child in the seat of a

gorgeous little thing and he was putting his head around and he's kind of smiling and of course I'm like peek-a-boo peek-a-boo and then he kept coming back

and I was like peek-a-boo okay you got four more of these peek-a-boos peek-a-boo and then I was like oh my god

he just wouldn't fucking stop he just kept coming back then did you just say peek-a- fuck off now I was like do I tell I was like

I wanted to tap his mum and be like are you going to stop this no because it's giving her a little break I wouldn't stop it if I could get away with it she didn't intervene at all

I wanted to report him for suspicious behaviour and have him removed I was like I think that kid's got a bomb once you start though they'll keep at you they love it

I always feel sorry for people when you have to sit beside people with kids. Like I have and I'll have three around me and it's a lot like because they are

and my kids are quite good they'll sit down on my story pads but Otto's a nightmare. You don't want to be anywhere near him on the plane. If I could find a seat away from him like I'd happily sit

with the other two kids but if I'm near him I then have the two kids on one side and then Otto on my lap because they all want to be with me and I'm just like uncomfortable

the whole way to anywhere. And Spenny is catching flies beside me. Do you see that there's talk about putting kids, having like a child only section in there? So like for, that they wouldn't be in first class and all that jazz.

If you're going to pay for a business class seat for your kid, fine, I suppose. But like, who the hell would do that? Although you'd have to, wouldn't you? Because if they're with you and you're a business class. You wouldn't, you wouldn do that although you'd have to wouldn't you because if they're with you and you're a business cat you wouldn't

you wouldn't you wouldn't I wouldn't and I don't I just like you're not a business baby you're a normal baby no

good day into the economy you're better for the kids they could all hang out with each other be like crash I don't know what does it now have to say on an airplane

if the headphones on and watching telly it really doesn't bother me I don't pay any heed to anyone crying it could be an adult crying beside me I wouldn't care

see the only time I had it was when no compassion no well yeah I always feel like suck it up bitch

people oh no I'm trying to watch telly like come on but some people are so scared it was really windy when I flew in yesterday

as well and I was like oh no this is it this is the end and I just read a story about this flight that was going from Brazil over to

I can't remember where it was and it had crashed in the sea and I was like oh god everyone died not ideal I mean if the plane had crashed

you know the way I was so hungover coming home on the flight on Monday night if there had been any yeah

I'd have been like take me into the sea I actually to be honest with you I think I might have still felt drunk when I got up because

yeah it hit me later on in the day when I was just like oh wow it was disgusting it was piggish behaviour anyway look we're here now

we are here now and the reason we're talking about it so much is because we've nothing else prepared excuse me Joanna I have a whole two pages of stuff prepared do you not I'm not going under that bus We're here now. We are here now. And the reason we're talking about it so much is because we've nothing else prepared. Excuse me, Joanna. I have a whole two pages of stuff prepared. I'm not going under that bus with you.

No, no, no, no, no. I would like to... I don't even want to talk about that. That's the only thing I don't know something about. And you're like, we're talking about it. It's cute. I just want to wish happy birthday to Peep Show.

To Peep Show. 20 years of age. One of my favourite shows. I've watched every episode a couple of times the only thing I can re-watch and re-watch and re-watch yeah

that's it that's all I have this week Motherland is coming back soon fab and sex education also sorry before we move on Canada Canada also sorry before we move on Canada

Canada she the other day I was doing a little cow I was doing a fitting it was the hangover day as well so I was doing a fitting with Carina for an ad that I'm doing. And we're up there and I was in my knickers and she goes,

what are those red spots, mama? And I was like, they're moles. She goes, no, they're not. Because I was showing her the moles on my face. And she wouldn't let it go. I was like, they're moles. She's just like, what are those red spots what are they

and then eventually Karina was like they're just spots Gigi and I was like yes they are spots thanks a million you've made me feel worse about myself

I think sometimes I think Gigi is troubling you I think she is too yeah I watched I watched Barbie with her the other day

I saw you were watching it last night but Gigi had watched it for a little while on Sunday and we kind of fell asleep together for half an hour and then on Monday we were watching it

and she fell asleep for like 10 minutes and I woke up she woke up and she had just weed all over me on the couch and then I looked at her

I was like excuse me she loves it though I hold on she loves what we yeah

well we all love we yeah it's a long I'd say it's a long time since she's wet herself is it yeah it's a very long time I was very surprised

she thought it was absolutely hilarious because she pissed on me and she kept telling everybody then when they walked in I wee wee dot mama yeah it is kind of funny like yeah

and he slacked my bum um Barbie love we're kind of really late to the party we're absolutely late to the party

but it's only just come on that you can buy it now on the 20 or whatever yeah I was never going to get to the cinema I was actually do you know what I was like 20 quid

what a rip off to buy and keep and then I'm like it would have been 20 quid for one ticket I've already watched it three times now it's really good value

I love Margot Robbie I know so do I do you know that she is also extremely smart because she like invested in Barbie and is like

a bazillionaire now because of that yeah the highest grossing movie ever Amy Schumer was supposed to play the lead really as Barbie

Amy Schumer was offered the lead role and she turned it down yeah she was supposed to play Barbie she said she didn't think it was feminist enough and then I don't know

I don't know how it ended up being Margaret Robbie but it was Amy Schumer turned it down I'd say she's fuming you'd never recover

you'd fuming like she would have been great in it as well she would have been fat but I did I loved everyone that was in it

I loved the whole like the concept of it was very amusing yeah trying to think of it but like T really enjoyed watching it people are probably

going to give out to me because it's for 12s 18s or something yeah listen he's only watched The Nun twice terrified no is that really

is that a horror film it's meant to be the scariest horror film ever or what's The Conjuring what's The Conjuring? Yeah, what's The Conjuring? I told you about these. But I thought it was like just really, really funny.

I love Ryan Gosling. Because when all the press stuff was coming out about it, I was confused. I was like, why is Ryan Gosling doing this film? Because I didn't know

what it was going to be about really. Well, I kind of thought about her as well. No, I get it why she, I get what she would do because it's a very, about really well I kind of thought about her as well no I get it I get what she would do because it's a very it's a very

kind of it looks even the set it's fun but he's quite to me was like kind of a serious cool

moody actor yeah but I think it's nice to kind of re-brand himself and also he like he was a good singer and like imagine being on that set all day I know

it'd be so fun I just thought it was really clever. And it was better than I thought it was going to be. And I liked... So much better than I thought it would be. Inside jokes. And weird Barbie. I loved her.

No spoilers. But all that. Oh, weird Barbie. Weird Barbie. Because her hair looks exactly like Barbie's hair used to look like when your brother cut her all off. Yeah. Everyone used to cut their Barbie's hair off.

Remember that Barbie that used to grow hair you used to be able to there was something like that I was more now I have to say I was a doll person less of a Barbie person I know I was Barbie

the attention to detail in the dream house Barbie coming down in the slides and all I loved it but weirdly so I posted last night

saying I loved it and loads of girls got in touch saying they were like absolutely hated it I was like really it's one of those things that you don't have were like absolutely hated it I was like really? It's one of those things that you don't have to

think about watching it's just a fun easy watch and because we were essentially not able to use our minds for the last two days that's probably why

we enjoyed it so much No because I thought it was really clever I thought it was kind of like subversive and surreal I loved all that stuff and then Ruth

the maker of Barbie at the end like it was and I was crying Yeah I know I did I really enjoyed it I loved it I loved all that stuff and then Ruth the maker of Barbie at the end I was crying I really enjoyed it I loved it I loved the nod to the dolls that had been discontinued pregnant Barbie

I don't remember pregnant Barbie yeah pregnant Barbie and the baby came out yeah you could lift up her belly and the baby was in her belly she was discontinued pretty smart and Alan

Alan that is so funny I don't remember Alan either I don't remember I was watching Alan my Alan yeah yeah yeah

and Alan would think he's more of a Kent do you know what I mean so then we were and Alan but he kind of is we were like who the fuck is this

dude so do you know the story behind Alan no it's so funny so do you know the story behind Alan no it's so funny so Alan you know they're like Alan

came out on the scene as Ken's friend oh but all his clothes like that you could

swap Ken's clothes or Alan's clothes yeah and then people were kind of suspicious about their relationship. So Alan just disappeared. He was just taken off the Barbie circuit.

So he just went to be Ken's friend. Ken's friend. And then people were like, hold on, what's going on here? Why are they swapping clothes and stuff? I'm surprised they didn't come out with like... To get rid of Alan. And then they brought him out again

in another way. I think he was going going it was Skip or something I can't remember so someone in Mattel is you know very fond of Alan keeps trying to reintroduce him

but I would have thought that they would have tried to bring out I know they bring in loads of different Barbies but you'd buy all the Barbies and then if you love them if Barbie had friends

that you wanted to but like I don't know let's say they had a Joanne friend or they had like a Vogue friend they could have had a whole like the Sylvania families you want to but like I don't know let's say they had a Joanne friend or they had like a Vogue friend they could have had a whole like the Sylvania families you want to collect all of them

yeah missing a beat there what do you mean because I would want to I would want to own all of them but they're only they only have Barbies and Kens

where you could have Barbies, Kens, Allens Cecile oh yeah yeah yeah like you could have millions that you want all of them you should tell them

because I think they're struggling for cash they are struggling for cash oh my god look at this Barbie stuff look at that yeah that's the dream house with the slide

Jesus Christ and the pool it has a sauna and everything listen there are no fills it's enormous it's absolutely enormous you can get add-ons it's like the size of a person

I never had any of that stuff 250 quid ah now it's down from 350 quid you could save yourself 100 quid and Ah no, it's down from 350 quid. You could save yourself 100 quid and still spend way too much on a dream house. My neighbour had all that stuff. Astrid, who I used to play with when I was younger. She had

everything and I'd just go down there. Break everything I could have. Yeah, I might. Smashing Polly's pocket against the wall. Bye, I have to go for my dinner. Night. Thanks, Tammy. I had a friend, what was her name? Rachel or something across the wall and I'm like bye I have to come for my dinner night thanks Tammy I had a friend what was her name

Rachel or something across the road and she had all the Sylvanian families and I was like I'll go over here and play with them now because I was never

going to get them no I never got them we had friends my Barbies were homeless they were just sitting in a box I know stop you're making me feel

bad about SheShe now because her Barbies are homeless are they yeah she's got a dream house I'm not spending 350 quid on a dream house I'm just hoping Mattel will listen? yeah she's from a dream house I'm not spending 350 quid on a dream house

I'm just hoping Mattel will listen to this and send me a dream house yeah because I think they need the PR at the moment I'm sure they're dying for a collab listen the Barbie movie

can only last so long okay I've never seen anything like the PR I've never seen anything like it the image of Pratt and the kind of

the way it's kind of seeped down into just like I had pink nails the other day and everyone's like oh Barbie the way it's kind of seeped down into just like I had pink nails the other day and everyone's like oh Barbie nails like it's just everywhere

Barbie core Kate McKinnon was playing the weird Barbie do you know Kate McKinnon from SNL she's fucking hilarious I loved the weird Barbie so when I saw her

I was absolutely thrilled I just loved it yeah I really enjoyed it easy watch and there's all these kind of inside jokes like the four girls,

the daughter of America, Ferreira, and her three friends apparently are the Bratz dolls. All these like, kind of, all these inside layers and I loved it.

I never had a Bratz doll but I was always into them. Well, we were too old for Bratz dolls. Yeah, I guess. Bratz dolls were the antithesis to Barbie. Barbie was supposed to be

all kind of like tiny and titted. Isn't it funny though, I was never into, I was always dolls and ironing boards and pretend washing machines But Barbie is a doll

Yeah but no she was like a baby doll I wanted I didn't want a Barbie Oh yeah yeah yeah No that's because you're mothering and domestic

It's so funny when you used to go to people's houses though and just you wouldn't give a shit We used to like Amber and I used to there was a swamp around the corner from us

right The what? I know it was a swamp basically and we all used to like Amber and I used to there was a swamp around the corner from us right and we all used to go I know it was a swamp basically and we all used to go swimming in the swamp but like we had these people that lived next door

to us like three doors up the Cullens and because our mom would let them away with everything and like was really sound my mom wouldn't let us

away with anything so we would go to their house get out of our clothes get into their clothes and then go and swim with the swamp and come home and like dry ourselves off

and then get back into our clothes and go home probably reeking of shite some parents were sounder than others yeah it's so true my ass is so itchy

in this dress God do we not have someone to scratch your ass My ass is so itchy in this dress! I can't! Do we not have someone to scratch your ass if you lift out? Jo, is there anyone around to scratch your ass? I can't bear it. Big news. Hugh Jackman and his wife of 27 years, Debra Lee Furness, have broken up.

Oh yes, indeed. They've broken up. It is sad. That's sad. I think it is sad because I think they seem like very best friends. Yeah. So that's I'm surprised they bothered breaking up. Because, you know, I think that like if you've been together for that long, you do have the worry of turning into like too much of a friendship. Yeah.

Like that's happened to me before where it just feels like it's not as sexual anymore. It's more friendshipy. Yes. And then you kind of need to just crack on. But is she not like allegedly, is she not allegedly a beard? Oh, you're going to go there.

Okay. It's like elephant barking in the room. Everyone knows that. Well, there are rumours of different things as to why they broke up, but I don't know

if we'll ever find out about it. Well, that's what I always thought that that was kind of the, that was what was understood. I'll be honest, that's kind of what I thought as well. Yeah, that's what it was. Do they have kids? So that's why I'm saying I'm surprised they bothered

because they seem to have a really good thing going. I feel like well, maybe you can just be friends from afar but that's like if we're ever alone when we move into that house together when we're like in our 70s. Would you be a beard for money? For money? No, I wouldn't. Would you not? I'm just a loser like in our 70s. Would you be a beard for money? For money?

No, I wouldn't. Would you not? I'm just a loser like that, you know? Just not very out there and cool. I don't know. Because I would want to bang people.

Who would I bang? But I'd say the beards are banging. Oh, well, I'd be a beard if I could bang. Yeah, you'd be a banging beard. A banging beard. You'd be banging all around yourself. Banging all over town.

But you'd be going home to your husband, Mr. Sleeping in my own bed with no one else there yes being left alone and just going and always having company

yes they can never get away yeah you can just oh I think I'd really like that yeah a lot of people probably think I'm Spencer's beard but I'm not

where am I that's what I'd that's what I'd heard but I oh we're going there are we oh okay I'd That's what I'd heard. Oh, we're going there, are we? Oh, okay. I'd be a beard. It depends who's beard.

I mean, being Hugh Jackman's beard wouldn't be bad. Like, think of worse beards I'd want to be. Yeah. Crusty old beards. No, it'd have to be someone famous and hot. Yeah.

I'm sorry if Hugh and his ex-partner are listening. We are sorry to hear the news. We are because you seemed very happy together. There's this saying, right? Suspiciously happy together. That's how you know she's a beard. We knew it was coming because you were smiling too much.

You were having too much of a good time. Something was up. But there's these, like, okay, there's predictions, relationship experts, you you know these people I've two things to run on this because I came from the relationship one

and went to something else so supposedly experts are saying the next people to break up will be Victoria and David Beckham and I don't agree

not a hope they are locked in for life but I actually think they really enjoy each other's company oh yeah no I think they've got

a really good thing going I think that they are each other's company oh yeah no I think they've got a really good thing going I think that they are like they're a powerful couple and I think that I think she seems sound and I think he seems sound yes Ashton Kutcher

and Mila Kunis supposedly I don't really see that oh I don't know now they've really fucked up they've really fucked up you know he's had to you know he was he owned a charity

or ran a charity which was against child trafficking like he worked oh god it was just advocating for victims of sexual abuse

and then wrote a character reference for your man like what were you thinking so dumb what were you thinking when all the fucking evidence is there

as well what were you thinking and even if like don't get involved no it was really stupid you'd know that that was going to come out

and if you didn't know that was really stupid as well they go through pretty big public storms together they once got in trouble because they said that they didn't wash

their kids and were really scrutinised for it like they obviously washed them the odd time they just didn't wash them a lot they're they

yeah I read recently that they were saying they're going to leave their 250 million fortune to charity and give none of it to their kids. I think that's really scabby.

I don't. I also don't think it's true. I think that's bullshit. If I was able to buy my kid like an apartment or something, I would. If you want to give your kid a house, like what are you going to do? I think it's really,

I understand they're trying to teach their kid. I wish my parents bought me an apartment. The importance of money and all that. Yeah, you do. Imagine having all that money and your kids just sitting there in it's own dirt

and you're like you gotta learn to wash yourself babe but did you see their apology video I can't it was just it was so bad

she was giving it a bit of sock she was like trying to perform he was just reading it like he was a robot it was because he probably

was sitting there doing the video being like how could I be such an idiot video being like how could I be such an idiot I know but how could I even want to

like support someone like that weird it's so bad Danny Masterson his wife has finally agreed to divorce him

oh really he's gone to prison for 30 years like 30 years that's your life gone but also fair play

because usually from what I can tell and obviously I don't have the details the rapists don't get that can tell and obviously I don't have the details the rapists don't get that long they don't get that long sentences

so 30 years that's very telling. Yeah. There was a lot of stuff. Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks supposedly. Ah no. Ah no they're rock stars. They're like rock stars.

They are rock stars. I'd marry Tom Hanks I think. I think he'd be really I'd be his beard. Yeah I'd be his beard but he doesn't need a beard I believe. I think he'd be really... I'd be his beard. Yeah, I'd be his beard. But he doesn't need a beard, I believe. I think he is straight. No, he doesn't need a beard.

But if he did need one, I would be happy to put myself on his face. Yes. Not like that, but... As a beard, metaphorically. Beyonce and Jay-Z. They have terrible trouble with their child. Who? Oh, I know.

Terrible trouble. What was his name again? I don't know. Is it drugs? I don't know what it is. They have terrible trouble with their child. I mean, that's hard. And because of why was his name again? I don't know. Was it drugs? I don't know what it is. The terrible trouble with their child. I mean, that's hard. And because of that, they seem so sad.

I love this podcast. Absolutely no preparation done. They were just sitting here like we're having a conversation about a friend. Would you stop saying that? Can I show you everything that I did yesterday? And even Pete thanked me for doing so much. And you keep saying there's no preparation. I'm sorry.

Okay. I can only apologise for myself. You're my pod beard. You cover my ass. Well, you cover my ass sometimes. We cover each other's asses. I'll lead next week's pod.

I swear to God. You want anybody to turn up, I'll do everything. Yeah, but you know what I'm like? I'm too, what's it called that my therapist called me? Controlling.

Controlling, yes. I'll have to. So there's this other thing, right? It's called the death list so that's like the relationship list there's a death list

people that they think are going to die like during the year like they've got like Dick Van Dyke now he's 98 I mean come on

that's not exactly that's not exactly Nostradamus stuff Bob Barker 100 dead so he's in red because they got that right

Tony Bennett 97 dead also in red but I red because they got that right. Tony Bennett, 97 dead. Also in red. But I just... Who else is on the clock? Anyone now? Mel Brooks from The Simpsons. Again, very, very old.

97. Let's find the youngest person because these are like obvious. Yeah, if they're like... 81, 101. Wow, people are living a long time. Spenny and I did this.

They're rich. Rich people live forever. I know, but Spenny and I did this they're rich rich people live forever I know but Spenny and I did this thing on the pod where if you were born before 1800 you had a 43%

chance of dying before you were 5 insane wild yeah that's why they had so many kids Rob Harris 93 dead dead

oh no I saw Nigel lost I thought it was Nigella Lawson no dead UK politician Michael Parkinson

Mohamed Al-Fayed so they Tina Turner Parkinson just died didn't he yeah Tina Turner they do have Shane McGowan on this list

and he's 66 I'm telling you now that man will never die no will never if he's not dead yet he's not going anywhere

I've never seen such a will to live fair play to you Shane is that a really to live. Fair play to you, Shane. Is that a really Is that a fair play to you? No. You're saying well done. Well done for being alive.

Well done for being alive. We could all take a leaf out of Shane's book. I think I might because I'm so scared of death. I saw this tweet. Speaking of death. It was from The Rock

and he tweeted and it's so long ago but I only saw it the other day we were actually together in the Apollo when I saw it he's tweeted rest in peace to her majesty

the Queen Elizabeth II a great woman who sat on the throne as long as anyone in British history sad she will never get to see hashtag Black Adam in theatres

October 21st he did what? he actually went there that's amazing that's amazing he didn't even get that much abuse over it it was just like

okay way to like tie something in and something else and maybe she would have been sad that she didn't get to see it I should have done that

when Tina Turner died I'd be like sorry to hear the passing of Tina Turner so sad she wouldn't get to see the Paseco Express in Winnipeg in October why didn't I think of that wait let me get the death list

who can you do that with Dick Van Dyke Dick's alive oh yeah he is Tony Bennett well Dick is on the list he's number one on the list so he's your best choice

contact whoever writes that list and ask them who's going to die in the next two weeks tell them I have a show in October in Winnipeg, Calgary, Victoria Ottawa, Vancouver

and Toronto all tickets available on joannmcnay.com tell them if there's anyone about to die just like if they can give me a heads up if there's a tip

that they can give me I don't think that's asking too much I might just kill you no throw you in front of the lios have the tweet ready to go and they're like suspicious

she did the tweet five minutes before Vogue died how did she know because I pushed her you wouldn't be able to push me I'd take you down I would absolutely

that's like Amber when Amber has a drink she might get a little bit rough with me and I'm like do you really want to go here Amber because you're my sister and I will take you down

okay same goes for you Joanna I reckon I could take you no you couldn't Joanna you've got the height that's all you have Joanna I'd crush you I've got the scrapp, you couldn't, Joanne. You've got the height. That's all you have. Joanne, I'd crush you. I've got the scrappiness.

You do have. I'd say you'd go more vicious. Like you'd bite and scratch. Yeah. Jo, who would win in a fight? Myself or Joanne? Depends who was drunk. Who's drunk?

No, but I think... Well, then Joanne would win. No, but I wouldn't win then because drunk, that would hold me back. I'd need to have my wits about me because she is tall I'm tall and I'm tough

and her hands she's the hands her hands are the size of Fiat Punto that's the problem my hands are like and when they go into fists they're like bricks

if you just put your hand up it would block my entire body coming to you I would just if you went for me I would just get my hand and just push your face because it would cover your whole head

just cover my whole face then crush my little head with your huge fiat hands. Fiat punto, how random. I'm surprised you get those hands on the plane. I'm surprised they didn't

attempt to check me. They do drag along behind me. I just like drag them along the tarmac. Brittany. You're like putting your high-five out. Do you know the little thing they have you have to put your case in

to see if it fits or you have to pay for it. Do you have to put your hands in there? How did you know? I have to put my hands in the overhead. You're going to have to check them in into the hold folks

she could hijack the plane from the back row with those hands I do have to buy an extra seat the arms are all the way up the aisle just pop the door open

and take the wheel all while sitting down the back of the plane sorry folks that was unfair it's true it's true Britney tweeted Does anyone else think

Global warming is a good thing? I love Lady Gaga I think she's a really Interesting artist That's all the same tweet It's the same one She's like you She can't keep

With the water in her head She's fucking all out With the vice oh there was a very very funny do you know The Onion

the account that kind of just take the piss oh yeah yeah they're like Nation could have sworn Russell Brand was already convicted

sex offender now we're not going to go in on Russell's stuff but I just thought that was funny we're not going in we're not going in we want to be light entertainment do you know what I feel like more stuff is going to go in on the Russell stuff but I just thought that was funny we're just we're not going in we're not going in

we want to be loud entertainment do you know what I feel like more stuff is going to come out about it as well I think it's a I think you need to steer clear of that one until it all until yeah

all of it will unfold but I think we know where we stand yeah we know where we stand we know where we stand and we're on the same page we're on the opposite

if we weren't we'd have a big fucking problem yeah if we weren't there'd be some strange things going on there'd probably be some strange Hayley Baldwin I don't care what anyone says

but Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez together is the definition of a teenage dream who said that Hayley no

I know oh my god when we were in the Apollo at the weekend one of Davina's guests I was in the hallways

just wandering around and he went oh hi Amber it's so nice to meet you and I was like what? It's Joanne! This is Joanne! Kanye West I specifically ordered Persian rugs with a cherub imagery. What do I have to do

to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery? Kanye West is amazing. He just gives and gives and gives. imagery. What do I have to do to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery? Ugh! Kanye West is amazing. He just gives and gives and gives. I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like, oh great, now I've got to be responsible for this water bottle. Yes you do Kanye! What?

Because somebody dropped him off a bottle of water and now he has to be responsible for the bottle of water. Jesus Christ. Some people just shouldn't have a Twitter account. No, I know or sorry an ex account one of your friends has had an untimely death

who? an Italian winemaker Marco Bettolini oh yes died after falling into a vat of Prosecco yes I'm actually going

to the funeral at the weekend that is shocking I know oh he smacked his head and fell into the bottom of the vat where there was

oh that is terrible it's very Willy Wonka-y it's very dystopian it's very dark it's very sinister I don't like it I feel like that's how you'd like to go now

no floating in a vat of Prosecco no I'm gone off Prosecco completely I over indulged oh because loads of people bought you Prosecco

yeah there was a lot of Prosecco being sent my way very kindly of course but you know you just eat something so much or drink something so much you're like

that's it now for me our relationship is over what about well you never say that about wine shampoo she's cool up in the world

now she only drinks her champagne yeah you actually don't really drink very much champagne no I don't I don't really like it Steve Irwin also died

when he was doing something he loved he did poor Steve do you remember it's not a knife that's a knife remember died when he was doing something he loved he did poor Steve do you remember it's not a knife that's a knife do you remember all that

he was great your man from Segway died in fairness Steve Irwin took a lot of risks if you're going to be swimming with stingrays and all do you know what I mean

I don't mean to victim blame but I think I don't think he would have I think if he'd known that that was going to happen to him I'm sure not seeing his kids growing old

would have been awful for him but kids growing old would have been awful for him but I think he would have been like that's a fair way for me to go I think he would have too because he did spend a lot of time with stingrays and they're not

like they're not known to be nasty but if you get too close to any animal like that in the wild like I would not like to spend too much time with wild animals

and it's a kind of a as deaths go it's a pretty it's a pretty cool I'm sorry I'm even scared of dogs now though when you read all the stuff going on the papers about dogs at the moment oh I'm sorry, I'm even scared of dogs now though when you read all the stuff gone on the papers

about dogs at the moment. Oh, I know. Like, wow. I know. I mean, Bertie or Winnie is not going to be able to fuck me up, touch wood.

Well, I love dogs. I do. I absolutely love them. I nearly adopted another one yesterday. They are wolves. They are wolves. I would say that

I'm going to start sending you on the dogs that I want to adopt because I literally can't take on anymore and there was a little dachshund looking for a home

with no kids and I said Joanne gorgeous little red dachshund oh yeah beautiful little dog ah from where

from Many Tears Rescue I'll send you them a two year old dachshund already toilet trained you don't have to worry about that oh that's the problem is

I'm renting now sometimes they don't mind if you pay a little bit extra or something. Especially yours doesn't have carpets. It does have carpets, folk. Oh, I thought it would have been wooden floors. No, excuse me. I'm sorry.

Excuse me. Carpets? Why, is my house rotten because I've got wooden floors? They're easier to clean. RIP Marco Raston Prosecco. But like other people died the competitive eaters a 64 year old

Australian man choked during a pie eating competition and a 47 year old joked on a hot dog competition

do you know more people die from eating hot dogs a year than they do from shark attacks if you dance with the devil I love a hot dog you wouldn't eat a hot dog

I wouldn't say well it is processed shite I know but I like shite like that you know what I like listen don't get me wrong I love you know

I love shite shite but you don't like shite the way I like shite I do I don't know how you haven't turned into a pop chip

I've never seen someone eat so many pop chips disgusting in my whole life disgusting it's bags of it. I know. It's an addiction.

Do you want to hear some fun news stories? Yeah. Oh, I wanted to talk about this one because I was like, wow. A mother admitted she slept with her partner in a hospital bed two hours after giving birth. So she said that, like, this is her fourth child, unexpected child, pregnancy. Delighted with her child. And they just started getting frisky. And before they knew it, they were having sex two hours

well I'm assuming she had a c-section no I think he went in where the baby had just come out yeah she says she didn't

feel much because she thinks she still had the epidural oh I would rather gargle silage for a year I know oh my god

I'd be way too sick maybe she's one of those women who has two vaginas maybe maybe there's an in and an out I mean I don't not everyone has to wait

like they say to wait six weeks you don't necessarily have to wait six weeks I waited six weeks for tea I didn't wait six weeks for the others two hours no I wouldn't do two hours now

you don't want anyone anywhere near you I don't mean to sex shame how are you even horny like I don't understand maybe she has some sort of

condition or something even I wouldn't be horny two how are you even horny like I don't understand maybe she has some sort of condition or something even I wouldn't be horny two hours later no that sounds like manipulation of course it drains from my body once the baby comes out

I'm like not horny anymore you'd be trying to ride her through the umbilical cord she'd still be attached oh god and then after that she was ready to get under the sheets again

within a fortnight oh we have a spoof of the week go on I don't obviously because I've done nothing but go on you do actually do I because we both sent this story in that she was ready to get under the sheets again within a fortnight. Oh, we have a spoofer of the week. Go on. I don't, obviously, because I've done nothing, but go on. You do, actually.

Do I? Because we both sent this story in. Oh, go on. The man who sued the hospital for $1 billion is claiming watching his wife's C-section left him with mental distress.

So it happened in 2018 and now he's trying to bring a legal case against the hospital saying he had a psychotic illness from witnessing the birth. Do you know what, pal?

Don't look. Don't go. He's saying that they kind of made him look. Like, he's making it out like it was clockwork orange, like they held his eyes open and made him stare at it

when he wanted to look away. I did a... The absolute cheek of that guy. Is your fucking... How many women are suing the hospital for making them go through the births

I Joanna's seen my birth video as well because obviously when we have a free drink we look at it but like you were whipping it out

at the weekend again before you were and it was like oh okay this is happening here we go but so like

in the birth video you can just see Spenny sitting beside me his face is the funniest thing well spenny sitting beside me his face is the funniest thing well obviously you're not looking at his face if you're looking at other things but i've looked at the video so much i've seen his face and he's just so petrified looking he has this weird look at his eyes because he's so focused on not looking down but your legs are like your your ankles around your head like your legs are right back so it's

kind of hard not to see anything but like he was really focused on not looking so he hasn't sued Chelsea Westminster Hospital. Very exciting week for you. Why? Oh it is!

Yes. I've got my first show with Spenno tonight. Yes. In the Olympia. Yes. In Dublin. Yes.

And I'm going in to see it tomorrow. Tomorrow I know. I'm kind of nervous for you to come in. I wish I didn't know you were in. and I'm going in to see you tomorrow tomorrow I know I'm kind of nervous for you to come in I wish I didn't know you were in well I don't have to come in

if you don't want me to no do come in of course you've got to come in of course you've got to come in because there's a part of it that I want Joanne to see I've done a little bit of stand up

I'm so it's like she's doing a little bit of stand up woohoo yeah she's taught me well I have it's more like

I'd say it's more like Roasty than stand upy Yeah You just do a little roast To span out But I feel like I could use that material And talk about anyone

Yeah yeah yeah But it just works better Because it's about span Yeah Like some people think it's true When I say it I'm really excited But I'm also nervous

Like you know when you just like Oh yeah I know Because I know with you But like Everything's there Everything's in place I'm like just don't forget anything I just can't wait

because I'm like a lunatic with notes I love having notes I love having the notes for the pod everything organised so once I go in and read my notes

and write them all down the way I want them I think I'll be fine yeah of course you will you've loads of stage time under your belt now yeah I know

it's just wild and he loves it he absolutely like he'd go out there and just stand on his own and just get clapped at just get clapped that's all he wants

he's so excited to do it it's fun doing it with him as well it's nice to like because I've never had to do it on my own but like

even like having someone to just like we're going to travel home together we're travelling in together like it's like I was always jealous when Alan would come and collect you from the galley

and I'd be like oh it's kind of like after you're so like elated on stage then you're just like oh if I go home on my own to like a dark house with no one there

yeah going home to watch that show well the best of luck with it I hope it fails I'm going to come tomorrow and throw piss on the stage at you I'm actually so excited

I get to sit back and relax and watch you and Spano do all the work I know well I do get to sit back and relax and watch you and Spano do all the work I know well I do get to watch you do that so I just play woo

woo woo anyway best of luck we're going to be putting on more shows next year so you should thankfully Joanne won't be

won't be touring so then she will have to plug my tour yeah and then it will be reciprocated I'm taking the year off next year I think that

I think that people might accept that you can take you're not taking the year off work. I'm taking the year off next year. I think that people might accept that you're not taking the year off work, you're just taking the year off touring. And I think that you would definitely serve that. No stand up and no ghostage. Imagine having no packed suitcase. I feel like I always have a bag packed for something. I don't know.

I don't even know how to open a drawer anymore. I literally don't even know what a drawer is. Oh God, just have all this to play. I can't remember the last time I didn't have to unzip my knickers out of a bag. Oh no. You've even gotten, well I was going to say you've gotten good at packing, but actually that would be nice. You're still absolutely desperate.

Anyway, I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. My little master. Well, before we go, we have our Australian Ghost of Tours on sale now all the tickets we're going to Canberra we're going to Perth

Melbourne Sydney where else I think that might be it no there's somewhere else well no because we tried to get Brisbane we're trying Brisbane

but we just can't get the venue it's not looking good for Brisbane it has to be said no and we wanted to go do a few shows in Brisbane and we actually like because of the time

we have there which isn't a lot the dates just didn't work for Brisbane so let's see Perth, Canberra Sydney, Sydney, Sydney Melbourne

and that's it we're going to try and like double up as well in places it's all in November I'm so annoyed that I love Brisbane I know it's darling

if you can talk To some venues In Brisbane We'd love to go We just can't get the date Are there any bands That would like to get lost So we can go in there instead

I know And there's an issue Because the night That we're in Melbourne The Coronas are playing Oh stop So a lot of the Irish Have already bought tickets

For the Coronas Oh stop Yeah but what we will say Is the Coronas will be back We won't so yeah so remember that I'd heavily suggest

refunding yourself and getting yourself to ghosted no offence to the Coronas we are joking no we're not oh are we not oh yeah sorry lol lol

maybe we could do that at an earlier time because I quite like we could do ghosted early do a matinee and then go and throw our knickers at the Coronas for the night yeah

woohoo woohoo woohoo