My Therapist Ghosted Me - Sage, Yogurt & Regenerating Pizza

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

It's likely that you are in one of two camps when it comes to 'sage-ing' and Vogue & Joanne are definitely in opposing ones. This week, Demi Lovato got angry with a yogurt shop and some models have had their pictures taken with pizza. Plus, raging reviews, pricey candles and a shocking email.Subscribe, enjoy and leave a review!If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail]

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally-Wally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of talking loudly about things which people usually say you should, you know, keep to yourself. On this week's episode, we have Demi Lovato getting triggered by a yogurt, weird Yelp reviews, people complaining and regenerating magic pizzas. Let's do what other people normally do on a podcast. How has your week been? My week's been good. I found myself at a music class with Gigi this morning with other babies that didn't have a clue what was going on. I think she quite enjoyed it. Are you trying to say that your child is advanced? Is that where we are? Are we actually going there?

No, she's really not advanced. So there's this other kid there crawling around. I think she quite enjoyed it. Are you trying to say that your child is advanced? Is that where we are? Are we actually going there? No, she's really not advanced. So there's this other kid there crawling around. I'm like, what age is that kid? Three weeks younger than she is. She has not, you put her on her tummy

and she flies with her hands back, does not crawl. So she's actually behind. It's so refreshing to hear a mother say that their child is actually behind

rather than ahead. I thought you'd be like, oh, she's fluent in Mandarin now and she's using, she's solving those Rubik's cubes in her sleep. That's what I thought

you began with. Poor, she is a bit behind. If you're watching this from our Instagram, you might notice Joanne and I go to the same hairdressers. See the way, I have no idea where she,

see the way she jumps. Like, what the fuck was that? I was finished with monkey music and I went on about my hair. I got my hair done. Got your hair done. You got your hair done. Got my hair done. Looks fantastic. Thank you. Very similar to mine. I got mine done first. But anyway. We're very blonde now. My sister said, did you hang your hair done? And I said, yeah. And she goes, Sue,

you are way too blonde. Cheater. I was getting some abuse online about the hair. I love mine. It's nice and milky blonde. No, yours is lovely. I think because we had roots for so long, it looks blonder than it is. Yeah, maybe. So how was your week? Very good. I've been saging. I've started saging now. I know. I've seen it. In the mornings,

I've started, I feel like because of where I am in my life, I need to start learning how to self-soothe without using Xanax or gin. So I've evolved into saging now. So I think chanting is the next thing. Saging is like burning this wooden thing and then you kind of like get out the bad vibes.

I burn mine in a Baraka tube because I feel that is the ultimate visual of self-care. Like not only am I saging for the cell, I'm also drinking Baraka. I thought you were just meant to leave it on, like, a saucepan. Yeah, there is some sort of, I am going to invest in, like,

a spiritual mixing bell. For the moment, I'm just, like, waving it around, listening to a lot of chill jazz music in the morning. Like, I am, I would say, two weeks away from going full-blown tie-dye chanting spiritual.

Like, I'm going to be like swinging out of Russell Brand, doing cocoa classes. Oh, what's that cocoa thing? I thought it was just like a hot chocolate. It's not.

Well, it's some sort of spiritual chocolate. To be honest, I thought it was a load of wank until I started staging and now I probably will be melting my own Kit Kats

and chanting around it soon enough. Imagine we live together. I wonder how your morning goes because I wake it soon enough. It's like, I imagine we live together. It's like, I wonder how your morning goes. Like, because I wake up, I open my eyes at six. I'm out of the bed at 6.05.

Like, how does yours go? I'd say you do a lot of sauntering around, saging. I honestly think as a single woman in your 30s, you've no option when you're unfertilized,

unmarried, and unshagged. You've no option but to sage. The shagging thing is your own fault. You don't put yourself out there. You're too busy saging. Sorry, riding was literally illegal up to about two weeks ago. So give me a break here.

Come on, everyone was going for walks and putting in the groundwork. I'm very law-abiding. I didn't want to shag a lad in the woods. I'm not 14 anymore. Those days are gone. You could have set it up. I wouldn't shag in a bed like a grown woman. You could have set it up. You didn't put a grown woman. You could have set it up.

You didn't put the time in. You didn't do it. No, it's true. I just wasn't arsed. No. It's so funny because the apps now, because everyone's let themselves go so badly, everyone wants to Zoom call before they meet, you know.

It's basically doing a drive-by. It's basically like getting you to stand on the corner of your road and they drive by, slow down, and either stop or just keep driving. That's literally what it feels like. You could meet somebody. I remember I was set up on a date with this guy,

a blind date with this guy and he was a babe. He was really hot and I was delighted. Got to the restaurant and he spoke so loudly. It made me like, honestly, I was like,

oh God, how am I going to sit here for hours? Like basically, like louder than you. So I don't know how loud that was. Oh my God. Well, actually my housemate Siobhan was saying some woman she works with was like,

I'm pretty sure I heard Joanne McNally on Clap and Comedy yesterday. I was walking around doing phone calls and this woman was in her office. You have the loudest voice that travels. I'm born for panto. I should be doing panto. That's what I should actually be doing. You'd be good at panto. What else have we got on this week? So you're a sage. I don't like sage. I'm born for panto. I should be doing panto. That's what I should actually be doing.

You'd be good at panto. What else have we got on this week? So you were saging. I don't like sage. I think it smells like wee and when like James and Brian are really into, what's those things called?

You're just not as evolved as me, okay? Joanne, I used to go and see a kinesiologist and I saged years ago. I'm more advanced than you. What the fuck is a kinesiologist? Yeah, you see, you're not there yet.

You're not there yet. What's that? I want that. What is that? It's kind of weird. Go on, what is it? I mean, just stick to therapy, I'd say.

It's kind of like therapy, but not really. Not with an actual therapist, with a kinesiologist. Yeah, but what is it? Is it like acupuncture? Is it... No, no, no, no, no.

It's like chatting through things, but you're still paying like 80 quid for the pleasure. That sounds very bizarre. I know, it was quite nice though. She was a nice person. Very interstage. And I don't want that.

That's not the smell I want my house to be. Do you know what though, right? Grant, I know that you're flat out with your Triple Wick Joe Malone's. I have a Triple Wick Joe Malone. Do you know how much

Triple Wick Joe Malone Joe is? How much? 150 quid. Do you know what? To literally sit there and watch it burn, right? I got one for Christmas off my mother

and I was absolutely delighted. She got you a 150 quid one. 150 quid one, right? But I got one for Christmas off my mother and I was absolutely delighted. She got you a 150 quid one? 150 quid one, right? Triple wick. Triple wick! Okay? No expense spared. And we were sitting there

watching it burn and I was like, that's unbelievable. The smell of that, it's amazing. And I was like, how much? I thought it was about 80.

She goes, 150. I've never blown something out faster. I was like... So now I'll light one wick for 20 minutes once a week no

no because then you'll wreck the other wicks they have to go together I'll cover up the windows and the vents and then I'll dip my fingers into the wax

so that I can keep the smell on me for the day whereas Vogue's the kind of wealth now she'd just be burning triple wicks and then forgetting

they were even there I don't have a triple wick I have a triple wick of something else at home actually and it's pissed me off so much one of them doesn't work.

And it's driving me mad. I feel like bending it. I think candles are hiding to nothing. I just do it because it allows me to drink in the bath and look like a wellness guru. That's why I have candles. Do you like drinking? Do you take wine in the bath?

No candle. Drink problem. Candle. Self-care. Chilling. True. This is chilling. Yeah.

I'm on a radical journey of self-love. Look, I'm in the bath. I'm in the bath. I'm drinking in the bath. We have such different lives. You take wine into the bath. I take a glass of milk and a dip-dap.

I know. Oh, I can't help it. I was writing stuff because also, something I was preparing for the, I'm doing the, I'm doing the,

She's doing the job. John Laroche out of her. And they wanted to talk about when I lived with you and I was writing stuff about it and I was like, I'm doing the, I'm doing the, She's doing the John, John the Roth show tomorrow. And they wanted to talk about when I lived with you and I was writing stuff about it and I was like, I'm kind of like the Aldi to your Harrods.

You see, this is my issue. There's no home brand shit. Like there's, like there's no kind of, you know, I was, what was I trying to write?

Oh yeah, it was like, she's a woman, she'll have an actual call on the Caterpillar. Like, do you know what I mean? I'll have like Danny the Dragon, this like in bits cake.

I don't want to be Harrods. You've got like a Picasso in your toilet and a real Colin the Caterpillar in your fridge. Right. I was doing the Steph show last week and they kept calling me posh. I'm being painted with Spencer's brush and I won't have it. He's the posh one. It's very funny though. Not me.

Well, I'm about to rinse you on the Jonathan Ross show. So get ready. Get ready, bitch. Oh, no. No one wants to hire a posh one not me well I'm about to rinse you on the Jonathan Ross show so get ready get ready bitch oh no no one wants to hire a posh person don't put me in that bracket oh we thought of a new thing by the way for our podcast

it's going to be called spoofers of the week we love the word spoofer and Jo we actually meant to say this to you we'd love a jingle if you don't mind

yeah I'll just find that yeah just get us a jingle what's word spoofer and Jo we actually meant to say this to you we'd love a jingle if you don't mind yeah I'll just find that yeah just get us a jingle yeah what's a spoofer what's a oh sit down child

explain spoofer let us teach you come to the fire a spoofer is someone who's full of shit basically but it's more innocent like a liar is very accusatory spoofer is more like

oh come on now you spoofer yeah you're absolutely a spoofer I'm only spoofing you I'm only joking. Demi, who's really let herself down. Oh, Demi Lovato. I mean, okay, Joanne, you explain the story.

Oh God, Demi Lovato's been triggered by a yogurt. I mean, could there be a more snowflake story? Look, firstly, I'm a Demi fan, as you know. You've got to explain the story properly. People might not have seen it. I don't know how, but you might. Demi Lovato, who's riding on all the goodwill because she just did a recent series of documentaries

because she had an overdose, went blind, can't drive anymore. Is she blind? She's lost some sort of vision in her eye. She was in a really, really bad way. She did these documentaries all about kind of growing, healing, blessed, forgiveness, recovery, blah, blah, blah. I thoroughly enjoyed them.

Anyway, now I really think the power has gone to her head. Demi went into a yogurt shop in America called The Big Chill in LA and basically found the whole thing completely triggering

because there was a lot of sugar-free yogurts on the way up to... And vegan yogurts and gluten-free yogurts. Yeah, exactly. Like, kind of specialty. What used to be considered speciality, but really kind of normal now, to be honest. And came out,

just decided this was unacceptable, that all her eating disorders were triggered, and then she started tweeting at the yogurt shop and telling them that they had to do better she says people with eating disorders should be able to go in and feel safe wherever they go to eat said the singer who has been open about her own recovery finally people kind of went actually you know what that's a bit much now the poor yogurt shop but actually she what she was trying to do what what i gauge from it what

she was trying to do was trying to take down the yogurt shop. And this is like a small family owned business. It's not this huge chain, not that that would make a difference, but it's somebody basically, like if she found that offensive, like, what, am I going to find it offensive if they, I don't

know, it's just, it's so bonkers to me. So, personally, speaking as someone who was riddled head to toe with bulimia i never for a second went into marks and spencer or any shop and was like sorry i can't believe all they're calling the caterpillars they're at the front of the shop there i find that really triggering never in my wildest dreams because i knew i was like the world isn't about me actually yeah no a yogurt shop if you don't feel safe in a yogurt shop, Demi, I'm so sorry,

but you need to get a better therapist. Like, stop this madness. I know that people will say, oh, well, that's her thing. That's her vibe. But come on. Keep it to yourself. You have to take accountability

for your own shit sometimes. It's not the big chill's fault that you have addiction issues. It's not their fault. But I think that we live in such a cancel culture that like, it's just like her doing that, she probably thought she was going to get loads of backing and everyone would be like, you're right.

And actually the owner was mailing her back and forth and she was kind of aggressive in her mails back to her. Who was aggressive? Demi. Demi wasn't very kind. And it's like, you know what? That's someone's business. Like you can't just decide yourself

because they're selling vegan cookies that they need to be shut down and they need to do better it's like for the sake of an argument some people just have

to get involved in it and there's no two ways about it that what Demi did is not right and she should apologise to the Big Chill actually they should be

fucking thanking her they're all over I know where the Big Chill is now I can't wait to go when I go to LA. But like that could have easily gone the other way for them. And it's just like, you know what? You need to do better. I think because of all the goodwill

and the validation she's had recently because of this comeback and recovery and stuff. Honestly, I think she's high on her own supply. And she just thought, no, I'm calling out all this bullshit. Like she says, when I messaged this fro-yo place, I mean,

suddenly it's just a random fro-yo place. She knew the name of it when she was DMing them or tweeting about it. When I messaged this fro-yo place, originally I wanted to make a point and I wanted to call out

behaviours or brandings that didn't sit right with me. Me. This is the amount of me's in this statement. She said, as someone who deals with an eating disorder

and is in recovery from an eating disorder, I still to this day have a hard time walking into a fro-yo shop. I know that seems like not a huge deal to a lot of people, to me it is, she said. She went on to explain, while she was in the store,

it wasn't clear to her that all of the diet and food health options were for specific health needs. I didn't know that, she said, because it wasn't clear. I definitely jumped to conclusions and probably shouldn't have gone about this the way that I have

but I'm willing to talk to this fro-yo shop to help them get the messaging right. They don't want your help. No they don't want your help. Look I do feel sorry for Demi.

So you apologised but then you took it back. I do feel sorry for Demi. I know what it's like dealing with all that stuff. I've doubted myself for absolutely years but this is just

too much. It's not their fault. No, I'm not. I'm just, I'm really just. Do you know what it is? It's like when, okay, so I'm kind of jumping a little bit.

Do you remember when Taylor Swift had a meltdown about that show? Is it? Yeah, yeah. Ginny and Trinny. What's it called? Yeah, it's on its second season now though.

So of course it is. And they made some joke about her that she thought was kind of sexist or misogynist or whatever. And again, I was a huge Taylor fan because I watched her documentary Miss Americana and I wasist or misogynist or whatever and again I was a huge Taylor fan because I watched her documentary

Miss Americana and I was like oh she's so sweet and lovely and then she did that and I was like do you know what if you can't have

a sense of humour about yourself I think everyone who can't have a sense of humour about themselves should be taken away in a little van

and driven off to an island like Alcatraz no crack island that's what they should be Alca Alca melt island put them all out there

and let the rest of us fucking get on with their lives and Vogue that's why people like you because you have a great sense of humour about yourself thanks Joanne so do you

well I have to but you have a great you could get away with not having a sense and you have a wonderful sense and that's why I think you are the people's princess and I want to know

how many people have to die before you're a queen that's what I want to know I think quite a to die before you're a queen. That's what I want to know. I think quite a few, sadly. How many? Come on. Oh, God, I don't know. I'd like to become a dame. Is that a thing?

A lady? How do I become a lady? Wear more knickers. I mean, I can literally see up your... Maybe you should start wearing trousers, yeah? Oh, okay. She could have apologised better because I can't stand an apology that then

turns into a actually no I'm taking it back everyone's like I'm sorry that I made you feel like a narcissistic asshole

but hey if the shoes fit that's how I apologise this is Fanny's apology if he ever apologised to me I'm really sorry about that and then he'll walk out the door on his way out

and he'll be like, but I don't know what you're so annoyed about. Yeah. And I'm like, no, you can't do that. There can't be, if you're genuinely

going to say sorry to someone, there can't be a but in it, really. No, you just say sorry and move on and it's so much easier. She should have just said, you know what,

I just, I had a moment and I didn't need to take it out in the fro-yo shop. And I just think that like, but cancel culture for me has just gone so far. Like, I'm worried about things that I just, I had a moment and I didn't need to take it out in the fro-yo shop. And I just think that like, but cancel culture for me has just gone so far. Like I'm worried about things that I say all the time. Things that I know that are okay, but I'm just like,

if you say like anything slightly wrong, people are just trying to like tear you down and stuff. It's crazy. I know. But there's been like, there's been a group, an online group with all my jobs and companies I work for and telling people how to get me fired from certain things like is that not mad oh my god I don't know why I did it I'd had like a bottle of wine and your success just really gets to me sometimes but I'll stop haters gonna hate as you well know I don't want to be cruel to Demi because I think it's I wish she just I wish

she just apologized properly though kind of did it's actually not her. I wish she just apologised properly though. She kind of did. It's not actually her fault really. It's just there's a culture of people get a lot of claps and boule buses for calling things out at the moment. Boule bus means clapping. Sorry, yeah. They get a lot of validation for calling stuff out. Then they get

kind of validated by the validation and then suddenly everyone wants... God, we know who's the worst for that everyone wants to undermine some everyone's to undermine businesses and she thinks she's some activist or whatever this got joanne and i on to yelp reviews and the kind of people that oh oh my god look at you moving things on oh you're so professional oh hey honey because i my whole thing right if a company i ordered a taco not long ago and honestly, it was like lumps of poo in a nappy.

That's what they sent. And I was like, I could easily have like posted it online and I was like, you know what? No, they could have had a bad day. So I mailed them a picture because I am a complainer

if something's not right. And they're like, oh, really sorry, really sorry. We'll send you more. And I'm thinking, I don't really want anymore. I'm just like, they need to do better.

So I said to them that you need to do better. So I said to them that you need to do better. You did not say do better. No, I didn't say do better. I'm pulling that up from the Demi Lovato. Yeah, no, that's fine. That's fine.

I just wanted to clarify. But I would be a complainer if something like, Spenny and I will go to a restaurant and if it's not nice, I would be the first to say, listen, like, that's awful. And it rarely happens

because luckily we have nice meals places. But sometimes it does or like, or if's rude like remember that girl in that and when we went out for lunch in Notting Hill and the waitress just hated us for no reason from the very start and you know we were trying to smoke inside and everything I think I was ah well it was confused ambiguously designed oh and she was yeah so she was mean so well we didn't complain about her, but I wouldn't go as far as to leave a Yelp review because I think that like trying to take somebody's business down, oh, it's just not great. Well, I did, as I love to do,

one of my favorite Yelp reviews, I actually put it up on my Instagram years ago, was this, okay, so it says, reviewing a pub, a pub an old friend was murdered in. He was hacked to death in front of his wife and people

not for me really RIP Stevie two stars no I was like what has to happen for it to get one star like

you get shot yourself and come back from the grave to give them one star Jesus hacked to death in front of his wife and people. Not for me, really.

Did I tell you about your man in the, it was so funny, I probably have told you, in the Travelodge in, I don't know, where was I? Wales,

can't remember where I was. And, he was the, he was the barman forward slash receptionist forward slash doorman forward slash chef forward slash

probably cleaning the rooms. He was just like, you know, this young lad, because it was late. I was coming back from a gig. Yeah. And I said, can I get a glass of wine? And he was like, white or red? I pretended I know the difference. I was like, I don't care.

And he's like, he's like, all I seem to have here is a bottle of peanut grigio oh no and I was like yeah that'll do do you know what he poured it into one of those giant Amstel glasses

I ended up having to have a red because there wasn't enough in the peanut because he thought it was like a pint oh my god I was like listen sometimes going cheap

pays off I made the money back. I mean, I... On your bottle of peanut. I got a pint of Merlot. Merlot. It was unbelievable. Slept like a baby.

What other ones did you get? Oh my God, I got some great... So I did a shout out on the Insta stories. God, I really got grey crack out of reading these things. One time back in the 90s, a friend of mine bought a pair of knee-high boots in a shoe shop.

The zip broke and after a week she wouldn't bring them back because she was too embarrassed to complain and she no longer had the receipt. That's me. I've never returned a single thing in my life. Mostly procrastination, but also it's the confrontation of it all. I couldn't complain. You returned from the shop? I could literally walk out of Zara in a

jacket and it combust in flames and I'd be like, I've made my bed now. Anyway, so her friend didn't want to return the shoes because she's a bit like me. And this girl was like, hold my beer. Got the boots off her

and went straight back to the shop. The shoe lady was adamant she wouldn't take them back, but I wouldn't leave. Eventually she offered me a credit note and I was all, I know my rights.

These were faulty. I demand a refund. Anyway, long story short, after quite an extended time of me spouting my rights in the package shop, I got the refund on full and when I went back to my friend, it was the wrong shoe shop.

This one I really liked as well. Did you not learn all that stuff in school about like as a customer, if you're right or not? Did you not? We learned that. That you don't have to accept a credit note. You can get your money. We were just taught as a white woman, you're always right. No one gets to question us.

That's a joke. Okay, so there was one woman messaged me about saying that she'd seen someone use a mother in baby space and she was going mad

but I just straight back going, oh, that's terrible but like I've totally done that. Oh, yeah. I know a girl, I wouldn't do it anymore now because I've matured and I've kind of...

That's bullshit, you defo would. I wouldn't, I genuinely wouldn't now. I wouldn't, I swear to God I wouldn't now I wouldn't I swear to God I wouldn't but I know a girl

who drives around with the babysitter in the back of her car so she can use them Oh my God 100% Stop Yeah

I see I'm such a rule follower I can't do like that would give me so much anxiety to do something like that like you know at the airport

when you've got like the fast lane Spenny will just waltz into the fast lane where we don't belong. We haven't paid to be there and he'll just go in and like I'm literally

like having a nervous breakdown behind him because I'm so embarrassed and sometimes I just don't go with him and he has to wait anyway because I can't do it. I can't break rules.

It's good to feel shame. That's what makes you compliant, socially compliant. Like that's why people don't break traffic lights because you feel shame, you know? Have you ever left

a Yelp review? No. I'm a writer and I hate writing for my own career. I'm not going to start writing on Yelp. I've enough to be doing.

Well, I've more, I've more. Ah, feck. I can't find the actual thing, but anyway, this girl must be saying she was working in some supermarket and they were selling,

like, roast chickens and some of them have stuffing in them and some of them some supermarket and they were selling like roast chickens and some of them have stuffing in them and some of them don't. And they have a sticker on them saying stuffing here, no stuffing there. Anyway, one of them must have been... Who doesn't want stuffing? One of them must have been mismarked.

So this woman came back to complain saying that the roast chicken she'd bought said it had stuffing in it but it didn't have stuffing in it. But she just brought back the bones of the chicken. And your woman's like, but you ate it. She goes, well, yeah, I had to give the kid something. but she just brought back the bones of the chicken. And your mum is like, but you ate it.

She goes, well, yeah, I had to give the kid something. But I'm here for my full refund and your mum gave her $4.99 and was like, go on about your life. Kira Ferragami, right? She's a blogger. Yeah.

Blogger. Yeah, influencer. She has like amazing clothes that she gets gifted. Like she gets like proper gifted from like Gucci and stuff like that. Swimming in, swimming in Gucci. What's her name? Kira Ferragami. Okay.

Anyway, Joanne brought this to my attention and she keeps, she's a bit of a spoofer. So you kind of see something and then you don't really believe it. Like there's people online that I follow and I'm like, bullshit. I can see. When people write those overly long captions as well,

I'm like. With a picture of their arse. Oh man. It's like you are literally just doing that for likes. It drives me mad. I'm like, who the fuck has time to read an essay like that? I'm here for the pictures. It's only a picture site. Anyway, so Ciara Ferragami, Joanne pointed out to me, now she's

been a repeat offender on this. I have found three pictures where she's pretending to eat a pizza. And I know she's pretending to eat a pizza, not because it's just not in her mouth, because she's got a slice of pizza in one hand that she's posing with, and then an entire full pizza in front of her. So she hasn't taken the slice and she's done it like three or four times. I wonder, I genuinely think at this stage, because I did a deep dive on models pretending to eat pizza

and it is a bit of an epidemic actually. Like Emily Ratajkowski, do you know that gorgeous woman who's got the most perfect body in the world? Who's kind of her and Kendall Jenner are kind of morphing into identical cyborg hot twins. the most perfect body in the world who's kind of her and Kendall Jenner are kind of morphing into identical Cyborg hot twins anyway

she was pictured with this full huge big pizza like the size of a Honda Civic in front of her but it was so bizarre

me and Jo were examining it's disgusting it looks like it's got skin on the top like facial show me away I didn't see it it's like in that film

where your man, what's that film? Cure Fergami. Silence of the Lambs. Emily Ratajkowski. It's Silence of the Lambs. It's like when he makes the skin suit.

That's what the pizza looks like and she's sitting there with a glass of red wine. Now, of course, look, maybe she's one of those women who can eat whatever she wants. Maybe she's one of those witchcraft women

who can eat whatever she wants and not put on a pant. It's unlikely. It's unlikely. It's unlikely. Anyway, so they're all doing it, right? Oh, this one with the ham. Look, it's like a face on a pizza. Too much ham.

It's like I'm looking for the eyes and the lips. Oh, do you know what though? Andrea Horne put me off ham on pizza because she said it reminded her of human. We were really hungover in Spain one day and she's like, we're eating this pizza. And then she's like, it just reminds me like I her of human. We were really hung over in Spain one day and she's like, we're eating this pizza and then she's like,

it just reminds me like I'm eating human and from that day I haven't been able to have ham on my pizza. Very fleshy. Also, prawns are maggots. I never be able to get...

Oh no! Prawns are maggots at the sea. But the reason you shouldn't eat ham is because I've said this to you a million times. Pigs are incredibly intelligent. A pig,

I'm not saying this because you've said Gigi's struggling at monkey music. A pig would be smarter than Gigi and that's not, I'm not slagging G've said Gigi's struggling at monkey music a pig would be smarter than Gigi and that's not I'm not slagging Gigi

pigs can use pigs can use she's nine months old and you're already at it no I know listen pigs are really smart they can literally

basically do Sudoku do you know cows cry at the abattoir and I had a steak last night I feel bad about it but I can't stop it. Pigs orgasm for nine hours.

And I don't. Why would you eat that? I don't wear fur. It's probably coming in your mouth as you're eating it. Is that what you want? Is that what you want

folk? You're sick and they piss out their skin supposedly. No that's a chicken. That's a chicken. You eat pigs. You eat pigs.

I don't. Bollocks. Never. Okay. Okay. If I have I have chronic guilty pudding in my house you're going to say you're not going to have it if I cook it. 100% not. Bollocks. Never. Okay, okay. If I have, I have chronic guilty pudding in my house,

you're going to say you're not going to have it if I cook it. 100% not going to have it. 100% not going to have it. I'm going to stuff it up your nose. Not even a super quince also. Not a hope.

So this is what I was, okay, so I was like, I, you know, obviously I make a lot of sweeping statements. I kind of assume that most people have an eating disorder and that most people are pedophiles.

And I'm happy to admit that I'm not always right. Bear with me, okay? Paedophile, I hate that word. Paedophiles ruined the word file because file just means a big fan of something. Like, I could be a Europhile

or a Winephile. I know that that's not what it's called. But paedophiles just ruined it for everyone. You are a gymophile. I'm not really a gymophile. I've cut my gym down to four times a week.

You're more of a gymmer than I am now. Oh, let the spread begin. I'm only lifting 70 kilos a week now. Absolutely shitting it. Talking about pretending to eat though, right? I used to do this. I probably would still do this on a hangover day. Yeah.

So I love a bag of salt and vinegar crisps. And sometimes I've been known to just lick the flavor off and throw the crisp in the bin. I feel like it's like I'm still being healthy, but I'm not. And I once got through an entire, the best salt and vinegar ones are probably the co-op ones. They're so salty and vinegary. So I licked it all off.

And honestly, you know, like a cat's tongue drags along your arm. That's what my tongue was like. It was bleeding. But I had to get through the whole bag. This sounds like something men would pay to what you do. I bet you could make money off selling live footage of you licking crisps.

100%. Coronavirus ruined it for me because now I'm on spitty crisps now. Why were you selling them off? I assumed they were moist. Here's a bag of folks moist crisps that she's licked the salt off. I've licked the life out of them. Well, I used to chew sweets and then spit them out, but

I had an eating disorder. Anyway. True. I have actually, do you know what, speaking of, if I'm going to slag off Ciara Ferragami for being the spoofer of the week with the pizza, I did once borrow my brother's 99er. He'd got, well, first of all, he'd covered it in marshmallows so it looked very aesthetically pleasing but

as much as I like a marshmallow, I don't want a marshmallow on my ice cream so I borrowed it for a picture and gave it swiftly back Yeah, so there's a site an Instagram account called You Didn't Eat That where it kind of calls out these bloggers, influencers, whatever these teeny tiny women for

using food as props. And it's always kind of balancing that, like holding the box of donuts. I've always said, it's my life mantra. If you can wear the donut as a belt, you're not eating the donut. Pretty true.

Like just let's all apply that. But also I feel bad for these girls because I'm like, they feel they have to pretend that they're eating it to make us think that they're normal. But you're not normal. You're a model.

Be real. I want to see you weighing a're a model be real I want to see you weighing a tomato that's what I want to see I want to see you measuring an almond dangling an almond over your mouth instead of a piece of pizza

like do you know what I mean weighing your fish oh okay now I can get behind that that seems like a real Instagram post

I actually had my friend Ashley once mail me and she was like, like, because I posted a picture of a pizza and she's like, did you really eat that pizza? And I'm like, fuck yeah I ate that pizza.

Like you can eat food. Just this. Like your body usually sits at a level. Like I know my weight where I just, I have to just train maybe four times a week and more or less eat healthy. But like,

you know what I eat. I eat loads of chocolate every day. And like, but you have to have it. You can't just stuff your face with crap all the time. No, and you're absolutely right. And I should say,

there's a strong chance some of these women have eaten these pieces of pizza. But my point is, they're using the food as a prop to go, hey, look, I can have it all.

I've won the genetic lotto. I can do that. And also, I've always said that beauty seems only admirable when it looks effortless so it's like

women lying about getting Botox done or women pretending they don't have to work their arse off

to stay in shape because when you have to work for it it doesn't seem as admirable

do you know that kind of way people aren't in awe of it as much people are in awe when it's like oh my god

it's just good jeans there's shame in working for beauty I think sometimes people get god, it's just good genes or, you know. I know, but how do you feel about people? There's shame in working for beauty, I think, sometimes. People get embarrassed about it or people can't try and shame you for doing it. I know, but look at Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner, absolutely stunning. Which version? I know.

That is the thing. Like, that isn't, that's not what they naturally look like. But loads of people do look up to that, but it's like, well. I love, but I mean, oh my god. I can't even believe that that, their mother, like, my mother I'd love, but I mean, oh my God, I can't even believe that their mother, like my mother didn't even let me get my ears pierced

until I was 25. I wasn't allowed to get my hair dyed until I was like 17. These women are in getting rhinoplasty at nine years of age. It's insane. Hotels and restaurants are kind of the most reviewed things

on Yelp, it would seem to me. But it really is an exercise in creative writing. This is one of my favourites. Don't be filled by the cool shit in the walls for a line in on the weekends. Oh, and one time around 6pm, a rat was running through the main bar and someone killed it with a bar stool, resulting in blood all over the floor, which wasn't even properly cleaned up.

This place sucks. Three stars. What? What? stars. What? What? What? What? Every week on the podcast, we want to hear from you too, because it takes the heat

off us a little bit. Send us whatever you like. No dick pics. Dick pics, please. Jo wrote that. Excuse me, Jo. How dare you say we don't want dick pics?

We want dick pics. I have to open those emails. Tough luck. Send us whatever you like, mainly dick pics, please. Whether it's a problem, a thought that won't leave you alone, or a complete dick move, you can send it to hello at mtgmpod.com. We make no legally binding guarantees about

being able to help, but who knows, it might make you feel better and us feel worse. Here's the problems. Hi, guys. I have a dick move for you. I was once away with an ex-boyfriend and I had a really bad water infection. I was in,

she obviously had a UTI. Yeah, they're the worst. Do you know it's your own dirt going back inside you? I always thought it was the lad stuffing dirt into you

but it's your own dirt. Well, I heard that it was, yeah, if you don't wee after you have sex. Yeah, because it's your dirt anyway.

I once had a UTI on a fucking overnight train to Serbia. And honestly, I couldn't sleep. I had to, I ended up, I'm not proud of it.

I ended up sitting on the sink in our room because the toilet was so far away and I just was relentlessly weeing. It's torture. It's honestly,

have you ever had a UTI, Jo? Oh, horrendous. Torture. She had a water infection. A UTI. I was in agony in the bathroom and sent him to the pharmacy with my bank card

to get me some medication. I looked at my phone an hour later when he still wasn't back and he'd sent me a picture. He'd gone to the pub to have a pint on me on the way. Wow. Oh, wow.

That was the end of that one from Anon. Oh, my God. that is something I would do that sounds like someone you would date but he's so nice Vogue no but he's so nice red flag bunting bunting oh no

yeah I mean that's actually one of the worst things I've ever heard. I would suggest an only child. Him. Yeah. Must be. Just so used to doing everything he wants to do.

Or giving a bank card. Maybe just using some financial difficulty. Ran wild with the bank card. I was in agony. Agony in sending the pharmacy my bank card to get me something. It just reminded me of some extra stealing I've been doing.

And you say bank card, sometimes it comes up, you know, when he goes to pay and it's like, which card? And I see Speddy's Amex just and I click on it.

I've been caught because actually it sends it to his phone and he's like, what are you trying to buy? I'm like, no, no. You're like,

it's a shared pot, okay? It's a shared pot. I don't want it to come out of my account. I don't think I've ever sent my boyfriend to the pharmacy for anything.

I think when I was younger, I sent a lad to the shop for a packet of Always Ultra pads. Not because I really needed them. I did need them, but I thought it would kind of bond us in a weird way. I was like, yeah, we're close now.

This is what adults do. Go get me those pads. I haven't even started my period yet, but fuck it. I'm seven. Let's connect. Oh, God. I sense Faye's

get loads of bits to be fair in the pharmacy. Yeah. You know the way I'm terrible for being what we say mean to myself

so I'll Oh she's violent to herself. She'll get the megabus. Yeah. For a pound. And she earns

a lot of money. Well I don't really. I was earning before the Excuse me what did you spend on your hair this week? My career got shot in the face by a bat of money. Well, I don't really. I did before. I was earning before the... Excuse me, what did you spend on your hair this week? My career got shot in the face by a bat in Wuhan.

Now it's back to the megabus for me. Hello. But like, I'll be on the megabus for a pound, but I'll have spent like hundreds and hundreds of pounds

on salmon ramen during the week and then just like punish myself with a megabus. I don't know why. I don't know why. You do do it, but you do it with the sailing rail as well.

She gets a sailing rail. It's not that much more expensive to fly, but like for the 20 quid difference, she'll get the, she'll take a 12 hour trip. That wasn't the money. Do you know what that was? That was to get the leg weights back. For free. I don't have to pay for the leg weights on the Ryanair

so I literally travelled for four days like it was like I was going to the Americas in like the 17th century it took me so long to get back to London just so I could bring

those bloody leg weights get another set of leg weights I know no no no I can't be bringing the leg weights from Ireland to the UK anymore it's just not practical

plus I don't think they're working you're not using them properly you're not let's just walk around with them I look at them and I manifest no it's're working you're not using them properly you're not much just walk around with them I look at them and I manifest no it's not right

it's not right it's like me walking around with like a resistance band around my knees it's not going to work like that and that's it for this week remember you can always send us an email to

hello at mtgmpod.com. And who knows, we might be able to help you out. But I doubt it. Also, if you've enjoyed the podcast and you'd like to show us some love, maybe think about subscribing and perhaps leave a nice five star review.

Thank you. Bye.