My Therapist Ghosted Me - Spencer, Spies & A Banana To The Face

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Vogue & Joanne give their closing thoughts on the Paris Summer Olympics and Joanne enjoyed them so much, she's off to Paris. Plus, a tattoo and some strong thoughts on boxed wine.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my purpose ghosted meme at me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Do you know that I love a frozen margarita? Oh God. We're not back at the frozen margarita are we? Well, let me tell you, I haven't, I haven't made my own and my sister got this pre-made cocktail. Now I never thought they'd be nice of, it's called remarkable cocktails. I have to give them a shout out because it was absolutely delicious. Yeah. I like a pre-mixed cock. But don't send me any because I'm not drinking at all ever again anymore. I'm finished. I don't want anything. I don't want drink in

my house anymore, but it was delicious on Saturday. Vogue just interrupted me. So what I actually just shouted out there was I like a pre-mixed cock, but thank you, you babe. I would have liked to have finished that sentence and not say it's so disgusting. Well you like a can of wine and stuff like that's this is right up your street. Look if I had to choose I would suck it out of a bottle rather than a can. I was getting the train recently God knows where I was going or where I was coming from I can't even fucking remember. And they did the whole upsell. I was like, I'll just get a little quarter bottle, just a little. And they're like, oh, five for the price of four. And I was like, all right, go on. Five little bottles of wine for the price of four. So you had to get the, that sounds like something

I'd do. Had to get the deal. Had to get the deal. And I was like, and then I had to make sure she knew, I was like, I won't drink them now, obviously, do you know what I mean? Like I'll save them and blah, blah, blah. The usual lies. And anyway, she rocked down with it. She was like, they've changed it to cans. And I look, as we know, I would drink wine out of a fucking toilet bowl. It doesn't matter. However, I cannot deny the fact it's not as good out of a can.

I'm going to say that now. It's just not sorry. It's not the grape doesn't can well. That's all I'll say. That's my final line on it. I wouldn't imagine it does now. I don't think anyone like it's going to and you know what's even worse if you're getting it out of a box, just don't bother. Give up. Just give up. Start drinking water. No, come on. Box again. It's rare. I disagree with you. No, no, actually, no, I do disagree with you. All the time. Regularly.

Yeah, you're right. It's rare I agree with you, Vogue, and this is another time. I don't agree with you. Box Wine is back. It's like Colottes. It's come back. Everyone's at it. It's cheap. It's cheerful. Who told you Colottes were back, first of all, because that's also wrong. Because you're pumping it. The Sunder Time Storm Who told you Klotz were back first of all, because that's also wrong. Because you're pumping it.

Does Thunder Time Star magazine say Klotz were back? No, they said pedal pushers were back, not Klotz. How embarrassing. You'd be going around to Klotz thinking they were pedal pushers to Wan. I'd be feeling myself in Klotz. How embarrassing. We'd all be laughing at you behind your back. Indeed. Watch my face. Let me just get my week up because I can't remember it. Oh Jesus. No. Amber had her party on Saturday.

Oh, I saw the Olympics party. I really enjoyed the Irish girls re day race because that's what they were watching my guy. But I will be honest, besides that, I don't think I watched anything myself. All I enjoyed was the really funny things like the dancing. I don't understand. You were talking about it as well. You're one ray gun. Oh my God. Oh my God. What was that? Was she joking or was she serious? No, look, this is, I don't know. I haven't done enough of a deep dive on this yet. Was it embarrassing? Massively so. Is it fair for the whole world to pile on her? No.

I don't think we're piling on her. I think we're enjoying what we saw. Sorry, no. I'm enjoying it. Have you not seen, they've taken, they've taken screen grabs of her head upside down. Like she's getting absolutely rinsed. Now, look, she didn't do a good job. She got no point, which I think is unheard of. I know they've cut break dancing now. It's not going back. In twenty twenty eight, they're like, no, no, no, that's not her fault.

No, I think I think the whole concept of it, they were like, oh, this just didn't. It just didn't work. But you want you have to say I watched it. I was like, I think I think the whole concept of it, they were like, oh, this just didn't. It just didn't work. But you have to say I watched it. I was like, I know. I was like, she's not being serious. There's no way. And every second she was like this with her hand up to her chin, doing her little move, I was like, what? It was one of the greatest pieces of television I've ever seen.

And I've never liked a person more after watching something. I think she is absolutely brilliant and she should walk away with her head held in her chin and also high. Do you remember your man who belly flopped into both the diving board and made a tit of himself? She has now made him look like Usain Bolt. Like he is like a top athlete now in comparison. I just feel so bad because everyone's slagging her. Adele interrupted her concert the other day to be like, I've just seen your one breakdancing from Australia.

What the fuck was that about? I'm sorry. It's just so funny. I think she'll understand that we all have to listen. She's brought a lot of joy into so many people's lives. And that's what and that's what breakd dancing is about. I mean, I have never, I was watching it last night and I was like, I don't understand. And then I was like, oh my God, I'm so happy. I've seen this piece. It's like, it's so good.

Jimmy Fallon had a sketch on it. Some, one of their comics is dressed up as her and all. Like it's, you know, I'd be on the Valium, but maybe she's enjoying it. I don't know. I think she might be enjoying the notoriety. And also she, the floor was absolutely spotless. When she got off dragging herself around that floor, it was, it's never been shinier. So she also did a great job of cleaning the floor. Indeed.

Anyway, it was kind of an Olympics party, but it wasn't really an Olympics party. Um, the Olympics were just on. We were watching the Irish girls doing the relay race and they came, I think they came forth in the end and I was sad that they didn't get a medal, but they still did very well. I'm never, never, ever coming back here for a party ever, ever, ever, ever again. I spent the whole day cleaning because it was just such a kip. Amber insisted on cooking vats and vats of food and I was like, nobody is going to eat the food. She insisted on doing sausages and honey and mustard and I was like, okay, we've got 50 sausages. No one's going to eat them. No one ate the food. I had to clean up the whole day. Then the next day it was an absolute kip. We had to clean again and we had to clean again on Monday and I was like, it is just not worth it. And I am still not feeling myself

and obviously now I'm off the booze for three weeks. Of course. Yes. And I believe you this time, even though I do, I believe you. I did two weeks the last time. I'm going to just keep doing stints like this. I had to do, cause you know the way I'm doing the 5k a day in support of Spencer, I had to run 5k violently hungover on my own on Sunday and I nearly was starting to cry towards the end cause I was just like trying to just run along, like trying not to barf everywhere. It was disgusting. Exercise while hungover is just a big no no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, be a nearly a full week you'll be gone. Spenny's away and I don't even know if I miss him to be honest with you. I just get on with things when people are gone. I'm like, OK, they're gone. I mean, it was more a rhetorical question, but thanks for the incredibly honest answer. It was unnecessary, but thank you. It was more just like, will you miss me? Yeah, you know, you didn't need to go into the detail. But anyway, fine.

Do you know what? I've always known Spencer as an attractive person. Always. I know he is like a hot guy, but obviously I don't really see him that way because I just don't have that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's your husband. It's whatever. However, since he's been posting these thirst traps from Jordan. I'm like, well, fucking hell no. Who the fuck is that? I know, he's looking well. He's in the best shape. Oh my God. And I don't think I ever, it's the first time I've ever said, yeah, I would. Well Joanna, tell him that. I would hope that you would say that. I can't tell him that. Because if he knows that you

wouldn't have before, he would be heartbroken. So we have to just continue the side of that. Sorry, sorry. Okay. I would more now. Oh, that's better. Okay. I'll tell him. He is looking great. Like now I'd do full sex rather than before I maybe just would have filled around. Like filled around as in what way? Like blowies? I don't know. I don't know. Just like filled around. Just some maybe a bit of dry riding whereas now it'd be like, no, go on. You'd only give him a dry ride before. Again, don't repeat this to him. Give us the full one. You're looking great.

Now I have to say this might work out quite well for us because I'm not loving the shaved head and if you're really liking it we are very good friends and we like to share things. The shaved head is what's sealed the deal for me. Really? Yeah. Listen you will have to take him off my hands because I'm not mad about that hair. I think he's never looked better. Joe what do you think? Have you seen him? He is absolutely stunning. Stunning. Joe, you need to shave. Man with a shaved head. I know Joe, your hair is like your thing. But if you were to think about it. You like Joe's hair, do you? I do. I like Joe's hair. Do you not think it's a little large? I did a Britney once. It all came off once and it was not good. I looked like a cotton bud. It was terrible. You couldn't rock it. Yeah. I'd say you'd look quite eggish without the

hair. Yeah. Egg two. Yeah. I'm similar. If I ever got touch wood needed to get any sort of medical treatment that would involve me losing my hair. Oh yeah. I have a large head. My head is quite concealed as being a huge head, but like I'll always have to get the large hat. Never a medium hat. Always a large hat. Come here to me back to Spencer. So it's a genuine, it's a genuine concern of mine. Right. Now that you look at me, you've really, you've really sealed it for me now because I rang him last night. I never rang him. I FaceTimed him and he didn't answer so I pretended it was an accident. Tell him that. Have you started sending him nudes again?

I was bollock naked in the bath. I was bollock naked in the bath. Spencer sorry, but dial. Here's my but. Yeah. Sorry Vogue. That's just the truth. I'm not going to lie to you. That's okay. I'm totally cool with it. I am. I'm honestly concerned that when he gets I tap us. She's really getting into this Joe. I would tap that sweet ass. Well, you've got to tap that pussy. Do you want? You've got a key to the house. You let yourself in. You know where he sleeps? Upstairs? He sleeps nude.

Easy access. All yours. I'll tell you what he likes. You can start there. Oh yeah, sorry. I thought you were going gonna actually do that. Did you not see I picked up a pen there? I was like, go on. Where does one begin? Imagine you and Spenno genuinely got together, right? You'd have to live in my house with three kids.

Would you be able for that with those? Fog. I'll tap your husband. I'm not taking your kids on. I'm sorry, Joanne. If you're going to take the husband, you're going to have... No. No. No. No. You have to have... It's a package deal. You have to have them all and the dogs, including Bertie. You can't just have Winnie. You have to include Bertie. I think Spano would be grand when I'm having the kids as well. I think me and him would. Oh sorry, that's my new life is I have to stay at home with the three kids while you two just ride each other in my house. I don't think so. No, don't be ridiculous. We'd build an outhouse, one of those show runs.

I'd have a show on the terrace. In the garden. Yeah. You're so kind. Come on. There's an etiquette here. You wouldn't just give me your apartment. No, I'd have to. I'd have to sleep outside on my balcony.

I don't live with them full time. I just want to bang them and then pass them back to the kids and the family. I have a note. Well, that's not happening. You take it all or you take nothing. OK, fine. Nothing. I am actually genuinely concerned about what Spencer's going to come home like because he was like, he's like, are you, what are you going to be like if I complete this thing? And I'm like, Oh, it's going to be on the mean bearable because

people are going to be like, well done. Oh my God. What a great thing that you did, which is of course it is, but Spenny's head is already so large that it's just going to be like, I don't think I can handle the running chat anymore. I've had to put up with it before he left for six months every single day. His Strava must be off the charts at this stage. Like I know. I'll stop. He leaves me comments on mine and mine is so pathetic. To be honest, if I did the cage to 5k, I'd be expecting a lot of claps. If I did 30, what's he doing, 30 marathons in 30 days? 30 marathons and 30 days on the sand in like 28 degree heat.

Can you imagine? What a strange, strange guy. Like, what the fuck is that about? What's he running from? What are you running from is that about? What's he running from? What are you running from, Spano? What are you running from? What are you hiding from? Me. He's like the only bit of time I've got of myself. I'm still here. Yeah, he's having loads of nice alone time. I'm like surrounded by everybody. You're going to Jordan though. I'm going to Jordan yet. I'm going for, but I can only go for two days and he keeps sending

me pictures of the camp, as I've said, and I'm like, you're only going for two days to Jordan. Do you want, he's in the middle of the desert. Like I don't want to sleep in the desert and get up at three in the morning for like a week and they don't do anything during the day. He wants to, day. He wants me to take the kids so I'm like I can't take the kids to sleep in a desert for a week. I was like they can come for like a night or two. They're camping in the sand, they're on the beach, they don't fucking know.

Oh no, it just, it doesn't look like the most comfortable place and he said there's obviously thousands of flies now and they're just landing on you the whole time. 48 hours in Jordan, okay. Well because I've got an event for Bear by Vogue as well that was pre-booked in. We're doing an event on Bear Island in Cork, so we're doing an event there so I have to fly back to Cork for that, which I'm really excited for. Nice plug, fair play. for. Nice plug. Fair play. Olympics over Paralympics beginning. Oh, okay. Well, I'm sorry. That's sports. Yeah, that's it. We've got more Olympics chat. We've all gotten really into it now that we need Olympics, Olympics, Olympics. I get a great buzz out of watching other people exercise. I know I've seen you watching sporting my instant lives doing nothing, just posting.

Joe, do you do any exercise or anything? Would you be a runner now? I can't run, but I am a user of the Flexi app. Do I do it enough? No, I don't. I'm sorry, when you say you can't run, do you mean like you're, you physically cannot run? Everybody can run. Everybody can run. You have two legs Joe, I've seen them. If I were to run, I would be wheezing and my chest would be burning after and I'm not exaggerating 30 meters. Can I be honest? I used to time myself and say, right, run for two minutes straight.

And I try and run for two minutes straight and I wouldn't be able to do it. And this is going back like maybe three years now before I started running. And like, if you start running, you're well able to do it. It's everybody can run. This is our last Olympics chat because it's gone now for four years. So we're not going to talk about it. And then let's be honest, it's in LA so we probably won't see it because the time difference. So we're really getting loads out of the Olympics and I love it so much.

But anyway, Joe, coming from what you said there, did you know that 27% of Brits believe they could qualify for the 2028 Olympics if they started training today? I don't even think that that's so strange. I think I could, I could think I could join the Olympics. I think I would like to be on the girls' relay team, the Irish one, obviously, but I think it would be so much fun. And if you trained so hard for four years, day in, day out,

you might have a chance. There's something very motivating about watching people run around on the TV, and then it becomes kind of accessible to you. You're like, I can fucking do that. You know what I mean? And obviously you can't, but look Snoop Dogg's at the Olympics. If he can do it, anyone can do it. I mean, he's not doing the Olympics in fairness. He is. He's dancing and all. Come here. I've done a bit of a deep dive and when I say a deep dive, I scrolled for three minutes on TikTok

and the information was back to me immediately because that's how accurate the algorithm is. It's fucking psychic. Do you know how much he's getting paid a day? No, sorry, for the whole thing to be at the Olympics, just promoting it. No one understands. Firstly, who the fuck is his manager? Because I want them. What a strange collab. Do you know how much is getting paid? I do. And if you do know, don't guess correctly because that's not the game. I'm not guessing. I've seen what he's getting paid today. But can I just say that I think he's worth his weight in gold because he has brought so much joy to the Olympics. Sorry, Paris have nailed these Olympics. I never gave a shit about the Olympics before.

This year I was bat into it. And I say bat into it, I didn't watch anything, but I read things and listened and liked TikToks, which is as far as my sporting goes. Oh, I feel like I got quite into it. Guess how much you got paid? Is it more than a million dollars? No actually. A day, a day, a day, a day. What did you get paid a day? Yeah, what did you get paid a day, Joe? 500 grand!

You were never going to guess it. Oh, so yes, yes, more than a million dollars. Isn't that wild? What did that horse get paid? The horse that he's dancing at? That horse gets to live a lovely life in a field. Exactly. Do you know what though? In the Philippines, so you know the way that the athletes, they do get paid, but some of them have like second jobs and everything like that.

So they do get paid, like not amazingly you would think for what they're doing, because they are representing their country. But in the Philippines, if you win a gold medal, you get like an apartment bought for you. So this athlete got a two bed apartment, he got 40 grand. He got unlimited like buffet food for the rest of his life, unlimited like food and these certain restaurants for the rest of his life, a car, blah, blah, blah, blah, because he won a gold and then he won another gold.

And so they kind of upped it. So then he got a bigger apartment and more money. And I think that that's really nice. Why would you not get that if you're winning gold for your country? Compared to what the rest of them aren't getting paid? Yeah. Well, I think they should get paid more anyway, but I think it's kind of for the love of it. It's like GAA in Ireland, which is like, um, Joe, it's kind of like, God, I'll get in trouble if I try to describe it.

Yes. Gaelic football. Well, I know it's Gaelic football, Joe. Yeah Joe, what are you fucking mansplaining Ireland at all? Excuse me! You didn't even... Joe, you hadn't even heard of Ireland before we hired you for this podcast. Yeah. Okay. He thought we were from Iceland. Do you remember? Yeah. Rude. No Joe, we're not actually. No, we're not leprechauns, Joe. Whenever he met us, when he met us to begin with, he used to say top of the morning to us all and we'd be like, why are you saying that? Like that's just actually offensive. We don't say that to each other. Do you know that I was actually the victim of an anti-Irish hate crime when I first came to London? Did I tell you about this?

No. I mean, I say hilarious because I've just was so shocked by it. So you know the way English people don't think that there's any like class system in Ireland. They just think we're all pavo. Yeah. Some English people. Joe, please. Sorry. This is my own experience and it's not yours. Okay. So got over here and live my life.

La la la la. And then I bumped into a lad in a tube station. He bumped into me really. He was very drunk and he pushed it like bumped into me and I turned around and said, fucking watch where you're going. And he was like, oh, and then he went full blown top of the morning, like top of the morning to all these like really in this terrible Irish accent. And then he threw a banana and it hit me right in the face.

I told you about this vicious, racist, violent crime. It's just a banana. I wouldn't mind if it was anything else, but it's a banana. Well, it was all he had to hunt. But I was like, this man has, it was, do you know when you're like, hold on a fucking second, I'm middle class. Don't throw banana at me. He was, you're like, he was treating, it was wild. I was like, oh, just because I'm Irish, you think I'm like a piece of shit. Anyway, yeah, he did the whole top of the morning to you. He did a really bad Irish accent and then threw a banana and it hit me in the face. There was contact made. I cannot believe I thought I would like, I think like I'd be really upset about the hate

crime before, but then if someone threw a banana at me, I wouldn't be able to stop laughing. Honestly, it would be so funny. Yeah. On the Northern line. That's what happens. Of course everything like that happens on the Northern line. You wouldn't get that in the Victoria line would you? I should have gone straight to the Metropolitan Police. But I didn't. I said I just want to live my life. I'm not here to cause trouble. You just picked up the banana and started eating it.

No, I didn't. I didn't eat the banana. I just tried to move on with my life. But yeah, Jo, what do you think about that? I am truly, deeply sorry that that happened to you and I hope it didn't color the experience of- Thank you Joe. It did. It did.

It did. It did. It did. It did. It did. It did. It did. It did.

It did. Wifi's being a little sticky, is it? What can I do to stop that? How many windows do you have open currently? 17 Pornhub windows. I've got 17 klits, folk. I've spent the last week filming my... So the new Joanne Investigates podcast for the other channel.

We all know where it is. We all know where we can go and get it. CDB? It's very good. Yeah. CDB sounds. It sounds lovely. Yeah. JCB sounds over the other way. And it's all about surveillance this time. And to say it is fascinating to me because obviously I love spying on people. I'm really, I'm an absolute born and bred nosy bitch. I went to a spy shop, Vogue, actual spot. It says on the front, spy shop. It's for spies. Yeah.

I assumed it would be a bit covert. It wasn't. It's just on the main street in Leeds, spy shop. They sell tracking devices. They sell stuff to record. Sorry. Have you been to the shop? You're acting like you know all about this. I have been to it like a spy's house and he was showing me all the spy bits. This is years ago. Was this a documentary or was this just you and your personal life? No, it was a documentary, but I'm talking the tracking. The tracking thing you're talking about is actually really scary because people can put them on like women put them on their husbands cars and stuff like that. Yeah, he was like, I deal with a lot of crims, but I also deal with a lot of married couples who someone is like, they're fucking around. They have listening devices, which I now have because we bought them, that look like Apple phone chargers

and you stick them in the wall and they have 600 hours of recording time on them and they're activated by motion. So when someone walks near it, it just instantly starts recording their conversation. And then you can like ring into that plug and listen live if you want. And it's like 40 quid. Oh no, sorry sorry, it was more of 80. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd want to be a real psychopath if you're starting to do stuff like that though, come on, unless like you're trying to find someone robbing from you or something maybe but like, or like I know that people set up cameras in like nursing homes and things like that, it's different if it's something really sinister but like you can't just be recording your partner because you think they're off to something. I just

think that's really fucking mad. As I said to Nigel who runs the spy shop, I said once you're in a spy shop buying a plug with a camera in it, your relationship's fucked anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're in a bad place, but you still want to know you have the information. So then he was saying like people would ring him and be like, Oh, I'm using that tracker. Are you, can it ever be wrong? And he's like, well, no, like why are you asking? They're like, Oh, I'm just cause it's going to this.

I just wondered maybe that what I'm seeing isn't true. He's like, no, that's, she's riding. Yeah. She's riding her boss. I know. Anyway, it's going to be a great crack. I remember a story I read about, yeah, all that stuff. Straight in September. I love that kind of stuff. It's a... The CBJ, CBJ Science.

I did want to do a little quiz with you and in honor of you, it's only a one question quiz. I love a quiz and I love when it's one question. Okay, now what are the top three Olympic memes from 2024? I'll be happy if you guess one. Okay, is the Snoop Dogg dancing with the horse? Snoop Dogg is in there, yes. French pole vaulter with the massive knob. It has to be Raegon the breakdancer. The breakdancer's not in there, Jo the pole vaulter is in yes. French pole vaulter with the massive knob. It has to be Raegun the break dancer. The break dancer's not in there.

Joe, the pole vaulter is in there. The pole vaulter with the big dick. Ah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's number one. He is number one. And the second one is the Turkish shooter who went viral for his calm demeanor. Fair play to all of them.

Yeah. So did you see the memes going around, women on dates? They're like, so tell us, how would you fare in a vaulting game? I'm telling you, that guy is going to have so many dates going on. It's going to be unbelievable. I have to say though, I've always said it. I'll say it again. I wouldn't be massively drawn to a very well hung man. I like to relax during sex. I don't want to have to a very well hung man. I like to relax during sex. I don't want to have to receive something that potentially...

That is just complete garbage. No, Jo, agree. It's not, Vogue. It's really not. I don't want to have to take a local anesthetic to have sex. I just want to relax. I think that the pole vaulters, he could have been a shower and not a grower. It might not have gotten any bigger than that, which would have been a nice size, I think. But I think there's a specific size that is like the perfect size.

I agree. You don't want something that's going to be stretching for six months beforehand. No, you don't want that, obviously. No. Sorry. Can we also take a moment for the closing of the Parisian Olympics, bonjour, where, as I say, Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise abseiled into the Olympics like he was evil Knievel, like he was doing like motorbike tricks. Like I abseiled at 14 years of age on a skill trip. Why are we acting like this is a massive skill set? I mean, I think it's because he like jumped on a motorcycle and stuff like that, that people were like,

oh, that's quite cool. Come on. He might as well be knitting. Like it did nothing for me. I don't think it's, I didn't think it was dangerous, exciting or thrilling. And I'm gonna say it, I know it's mean, but he would put you off, filler.

That's it. Allegedly he might. Allegedly, oh yeah. Allegedly. I yeah. Allegedly. I was just a bit like, abseiling. Really? That's the finale. Tom Cruise. People love that. He does that in every single movie. Absailing in a completely safe environment.

Like he didn't have a helmet on him, but like everything else was completely secure. I just thought, no. He does do quite cool tricks. Not tricks. What are they called? Stunts? He could have done, I could have set fire to himself or something. So there could have been something more there, I think.

So once Edinburgh finishes, before I go to America, I have a couple of weeks in between. And you know, I've decided for the first time in my life, in my adult life, I'm going to get the Eurostar to Paris. Oh fab. Yeah, going underground, under the water. You're not going to like, I'm not, the Eurostar is amazing, I love it, it's very convenient, but there's the mug again, she's still got the mug.

But you don't see anything when you go under the water. Obviously you're just in a tunnel. You know that you're not going to see like fish and stuff like swimming over here. I just want to, I just want to manage your expectations because I think she's going to feel like she's going to be in an aerial aquarium. It's just a total. It's a black tunnel. You won't see anything. It'll just come out in France. Oh, fuck that. Joanne, they were trying to save a few, Bob. Okay. It was really expensive to get the glass so they just went for the concrete. So is there no windows on the train? No, well there's windows on the train but you don't see anything when you go under the sea because you're in a black tunnel. I thought I was just getting the dart to France.

No, no, no, no. Oh, shite. Okay, grand. She's changing her plans. I'm not bothered though. I'd fly then. Have you been to Paris? You obviously, have you been to Paris? Excusez-moi? Oh, sorry, I forgot she was French. I went to school in Laval. L'école. I've obviously forgotten all the language, but I do remember the accent. That's all I remember. Sure, I lived in France. I've practically dual citizenship. I love a French accent. I have a book recommendation. Okay, always love that.

A friend got this for me. It's called Women Who Love Too Much. Now, I would love to create a time wormhole and pass this back to my younger self. Because now my problem is not loving too much. Now my problem is not loving at all. Exactly. Thank you. I'm bordering on dead inside. I would say you're a very loving person now.

Oh, yeah. To like you guys, but like, yeah, I would never lose my mind over a man anymore, like those days are gone, but I have lost my mind over a man. And I get DMs from women who've lost their minds over their partners and they ask for advice. So this is this is the advice. This book is really, really good. It's really good. It's all it's kind of like, okay, here's this. Is your relationship the most important thing in your life? Are you constantly thinking and talking about your partner or finding excuses for their bad behavior? Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. If you have ever

found yourself obsessing over an undeserving partner, this book was written for you. Basically, this is the book I wish I'd written. Many women are repeatedly drawn into unhappy and destructive relationships and then struggle to make these doomed relationships work. Brilliant. So have you read it? Half way through. I'm reading a Jilly Cooper book, The Rivals. Like these are really, have you read them? It's actually, my book is so old school but she's a lot of characters. So only now, like I figured out all the characters. You know when there's a lot of characters. So only now, like I've figured out all the

characters, you know, and there's a lot of people giving shit at the start. It takes you a while to get your bearings on a book. And now I love it. I can't stop reading it. They're turning one of her books into a TV show apparently. It might be this one because this is the one my auntie's telling me to get because it was meant to have been her most popular, but there's some guy in a club, Rupert, and he sounds like the biggest ride ever. Everyone fancies him. And I'm like, who the hell is going to play Rupert and he sounds like the biggest ride ever. Everyone fancies him and I'm like, who the hell is going to play Rupert? Chili Cooper is that great mix of kind of pot boozy, champagney sex in stables. That's kind of what the vibe is, isn't it?

Jodpers. Yeah. Well, there's no Jodpers in this one, but there's loads of like fancy houses and loads of money and just, yeah, it's good. Yeah. Lourdes. There's a few Lourdes in there. Rich, rich sex. Like, come on. Great. Love reading about's good. Yeah. Lourdes, there's a few lourdes in there. Rich sex, like come on, great.

Love reading about that stuff, yeah. Love Chili Cooper. The Northern Lights are back, but hang on a second. Oh God dammit, you're not actually gonna believe it. What? It was last night when I missed it again. Well, finger on the pulse. That's what I... I've always said that about us. An eight-year-old girl turned up to Dolly's house, as in Dolly Parton, and told Dolly

my name is Jolene, my mum is your biggest fan. She's left me here and wants you to have me. What? what? Yeah. So a little girl called up to Dolly Parton's house and said to Dolly, my name is Jolene. My mum is your biggest fan. She's left me here and wants you to have me. So someone actually just gave Dolly Parton their kid.

Can I just say as an adoptive person, if someone had ripped me out of my current family's arms and delivered me to Dolly Parton, I would have been fucking thrilled. So that child needs to power on into that house and take over. Say Dolly, excuse me, I'm coming in. One woman got the word Drake tattooed over her forehead in block capitals because she was so mad about Drake. Fair play to her. And Joanne, weren't you telling me the other day you're going to get a ghost tattoo? I was and I didn't think you believed me Vogue but I am going to get I

have this urge in me to get a huge dirty tramp stamp. I just. I thought you wanted it under your tits. Is that what I said? Yeah a tramp stamp stand under your lower back. I think under the tits. I have an urge in me to get a huge tattoo under my tits. I think I have an urge. I haven't heard you meet to get a huge tattoo under my test. I think it will look good. I think you get a ghost on one side and get a vogue on the other is what I want to. I'd love like a snake up my back. I just, I just want to Jesus Christ. No, remember, show cold got that rose. No, I know. I will have to draw the line at the back. I will have to draw the line. I forgot about Cheryl Gall's tattoo. Yeah, that's a lot. I totally forgot about it. We're here just living our lives and that tattoo was still there. I fucking totally forgot about that.

Look, the main thing is she obviously likes it though it's grand. It's an intense tattoo. It's quite detailed and large. But I do think I am in the market for a tramp stamp. Sorry. I'm 41. I was always nervous about getting a tramp stamp because I was like oh when I'm older I won't like it. I'm old now. And I'm still the same.

Just get a baby ghost. Get a baby ghost under the tit. I think that will be much nicer than on your lower back. I'm just saying. That's it for this week. Thanks so much for listening. Please like and subscribe. We're on tour in America also. I am personally with my stand-up show and myself and Vogue are doing Ghosted in Boston, New York, Toronto. All tickets are available on dramacladdy.com and my therapist ghostedme.com. Thanks for watching!