My Therapist Ghosted Me - Spencer's Record, Oasis & A Roman Burglar

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

With Spencer having completed a remarkable feat, a response from Vogue & Joanne is only right. Plus, the Oasis comeback, Macklemore and whether or not Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson are a thing any more.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me, Belfort Williams and... Sorry, something, Joanne McNally, something was actually just stuck in my throat there. It was a champagne bubble. I hate when that happens. Don't you just hate when a bubble of champagne sticks in your throat? Excuse me, look at you treating yourself to champagne. Says the white middle class woman in Clapham.

Yeah, I'm happy. Do you know what I've realized? And I mean, I know we need to put a ban on talking about alcohol in the podcast, but if I feel like, and this is no surprise to anyone, if I feel stressed, sad, overwhelmed, I'll take a drink. This is what I've, I mean, obviously that's why everyone drinks, this isn't like an epiphany. Anyway, that's how I feel today. So yeah, so I'm sorry. I just looked on a champagne bubble there and yeah, and I treated myself to a bottle of champagne. I'll tell you off the pod. It's a private personal matter. What type of champagne? What's the level here? It was 14.99 in the co-op. Oh, sorry. It's champagne. You're back on the Prosecco.

The G is missing, but they said it tastes the same. So I have no qualms about its authenticity. No qualms at all. We do talk about drinking a lot, but I'm always talking about the fact that I don't drink and then I'm always drinking and then I don't drink and I like, it's just, it's one of those things. Sorry, girl. It's disgusting. And we're sorry. We do apologize because you know, because we do talk about it a lot and I'm, I hate that we do, but we do. But you know what, because I'm not in great form and like nothing, it's nothing massive, like there's nothing

huge wrong. It's just one of those kind of, you know. You don't always have to be in good form. Exactly. I had a little, something not great happened. It's not a huge deal. But anyway, so I had, as I said, went and bought a bottle of champagne from the co-op and then this morning I was like, okay, so I'm going to get out of the house because obviously I work alone. And I was like, I'm going to get out of the house, going to go down to my coffee shop, love going down there, bit of a buzz.

Now, obviously, I treat it like my office, so when other people come in, I get like really annoyed. I'm like, shut up, I'm working. But it's not a Sherritsburg workplace. It is actually a restaurant coffee shop thing. Anyway. So when the brunch and girls start coming in, I leave anyway, went down to my another coffee shop this morning. I went in, I was fine.

I'm not in great form, but I was fine. But the music they were playing in there. I was like, OK, I'm calling a psychiatrist. I was like, can we crank up? Can we crank on a bit of frat again? Like a bit of lemon jelly, a bit of... What were lemon jelly? Do you remember lemon jelly?

Yes, anything a bit upbeat. Like if there's people sitting in a coffee shop on their own, they're not there because they're happy. They're there because they need companionship of the other people in the coffee shop. And the only ones who were there after nine o'clock in the morning are people on their own. I just feel they need to, you know, consider people. They don't know what they're going through. But then the second I left, I was fine again. Once I got into the sun and I put on a bit

of upbeat music, a bit of lemon jelly, I was grand. Like music can totally change your vibe and everything. I used to go to this gym and I loved the gym. I loved it. And they're going to know who I'm talking about when I mention it, but I loved it. But they played rock music and I just don't like rock music. So I go in and Joe, not your kind of rock music, like just like real, like real rock, just real rocky vibes. Like you had to go in with your two fingers up like that. Like, and I just heavy metal. I can't, I can't train that like, Oh no, slipknot. Welcome to the jungle. Like that kind of vibe. Yeah. Like slipknot I could train to, possibly. Like I'd be frightened, but I'd get through it.

But like I can't do rock. No. No. It's, that's like we're trying to work out to country music or something. It's some, some music just doesn't work. I saw what you said about Speno about what he was listening to when he was doing his marathons. I made him a playlist. I needed to know because obviously congratulations to Speno. He ran 60 marathons in two days. Everyone is thrilled. He's broken a record. He's a freak of nature. He's some sort of marathon savant. He's like the rain man of running. Yeah. Et cetera. And like everyone

is completely impressed. And even, you know the way like we do tease him a lot. Even we're impressed. Even we were married to him. Yeah. And his wives are happy. Even the sister wives are pleased and impressed by this. But I did wonder what that freak was listening to while he was running. Because as you know, I'm a huge fan of not listening to my own thoughts. And so when I, even when I, if I walk, if I was to go to the bathroom now, which is I'd say a three minute walk from here, I'd probably play a podcast. What did he listen to? Is he one of those freaks who runs to nothing? Does he just think? Of course not. No, he does do a lot of thinking, but I made him a rap playlist and then Alexander made him a playlist that you would like. So you won't like the one that I made, but you'll love the one.

Like I put on the one I was, I was staying with my business partner, Karen, last night. And I put on the, the rock one and I was, go on your business partner. He's getting married in two weeks. I'm currently in his house now and his girlfriend upstairs. Sketch. Sorry, sorry. We know what you're saying. He's trying to fob these glasses onto me. No, he's not trying to fob them onto me. He basically bought these really expensive glasses that don't suit him. And he wants...

Oh yeah, they're nice. I know, but they're really expensive. But I said, no, they're very like the ones I already have. So be honest, I know this is not a listening thing, but anyway, they're very like... They're very like... Oh yeah, but Vogue, I'd wear them, slip them in the bag. He's selling them for 250. He's going to knock off my poor feet. They're very like they're very like He's selling them for 250 he's gonna not sorry he's selling them What a tight bastard it is 250 quid come on Anyway, that's what's been listening to buying the glasses off

Now folk no, sorry, they're my exact same glasses. I know. I'd give them 50 euro for them, though. I'd let them give me 50 euro to take them. They're in bits. So I went to Jordan. Yeah, what? The fact that you... I time traveled. I time traveled. You've been to Jordan and now you're in Cork. And I've been napping for most of that time and I'm just shocked.

People keep saying, are you not so tired? I'm like, no, I traveled home alone. I don't think people understand what that feels like for someone like me. I had, I was raw dogging now. I wasn't real raw dogging because I just was like, I'm going to close my eyes and I didn't even fall asleep. I was like, just going to keep my eyes closed. This is relaxing. And I just had the nicest time anyway. So I can't believe I didn't know I eyes could close their eyes. I'm impressed that you could even sleep. I do believe you to be artificial intelligence. I've thought of it for I've thought it for a while. John Travolta, my alien friend, this proves this. You're not human. But anyway, go on. So you skipped, you were in Jordan running away, running. So I went to Jordan and first of all, by the

way, I got a lot of people on the air, on the aircraft, the Jordanian, um, all rights, by the way, the women, all rights. You thought Dubai was bad. Jordanian women. Yeah. Oh my God. Like absolutely gorgeous. But I got on the plane and, uh, and they kept saying that I looked like their queen, queen ran. Yeah. So when I got over, she, she, she, she is glorious. Now Jordan being run by a glitzy animal. I was in a head to toe PE nation track seat looking like not like a queen. So I was very taken with the compliment. But were you in the cockpit where you belong?

Were you just walking through economy to stretch your legs and back up to your princess seat? Or were you moving among the people? I was moving. I was meeting my people. They were cursing. There's a pass in resemblance. There's certainly a pass in resemblance. I know. Now she is older than me, right? Okay. Jordanian. She's 53. So I don't think, I think I look like her younger sister is what they meant to say. Yes. Cause like I don't, I don't look 53. Not age shaming. Fine. I'm not age shaming. I just don't want to be 14 years older than I am. I'm trying to change. I'm now so obsessed with age that I'm trying to change my cardiovascular

age because it's on aura. And I'm like, what? My horse is only four years younger than myself. I'm in that sauna nonstop. I'm kind of surprised at that. I would have thought you'd have the heart rate of a four year old. It's the anxiety. It's not great for the horse. It's going to kill me in the end. Okay. I have her here. Queen Rainia of Jordan. Rania. Super glam. Rania. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Like if I tied myself up a bit. She's, she's, she's obviously brunette. Yeah. Um, similar style. Nice kind of shiny tracksuits, et cetera. Looks like she gets dressed by what's your one that's dressing you that doesn't dress Honestly, brunette. Yeah. Similar style. Nice kind of shiny tracksuits, et cetera. Looks like she gets dressed by what's your one that's dressing you that doesn't dress

me, but I'm always trying to steal your stuff to dress myself. Serena boot. Serena boot. I don't think I haven't noticed your silence, Serena. That's for another day. Joanne asked me, do you think Serena would let me on red? She said, do you think Serena would lend me this outfit? And I was like, I don't know if Joanne's being serious here. She sent me, it was bright, luminous yellow. It had pink luminous striped out the side. And the day I got it, I text Joanne, we had a full conversation about the outfit. And then three weeks later she texted me saying, do you think I'd be able to borrow that off Serena boot? And I'm like, it's in my wardrobe. Sorry. And then I never borrowed it in the end because I don't think

that show happened in the end. But yeah, no, I see this. I see this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're all you are kind of kind of Royal by default. I'm not being humble anymore. I am Royal. I'm not. Yeah. I'm related to them. related to them. Whatever. I'm 39th in line to the throne and that's just the way it is now. You actually are really like her Vogue. But they're all, so they're all sound and they eat so much hummus over there. I actually was going to turn into hummus. Like they eat chicken and hummus and pita bread and rice and all delicious stuff. But um, yeah,

Spenny obviously was doing all his running. Just so you know, I, you know, we have hummus. I, I got this hummus and saying stuff, just saying, just, you know, I mightn't be as well traveled as you, but like I eat hummus. Do you eat hummus, Joe? Oh yeah. I certainly have done. Yeah. I went to buy my bottle of champagne. I always, I bought a ton of hummus from the co-op. Okay. And some bread actually. Great. So you're having your sweet chili hummus, your sweet chili flavored hummus. Sure. Well, they don't do that in Jordan because they only do real hummus. It's called hum here. Okay. Because they can't afford the patent,

but it tastes the same. Okay. Sure. My home. My home. Yeah. Okay, sure. Hum, my hum, my hum, yeah. You said that the walk to your bathroom would take three minutes. That seems like quite a long way. How big is that? Does it? I'll explain that by saying I have no understanding

of time or distance. As well you know, Joe. As well you know. I thought a compass was a bottle opener. I didn't fucking know what the a bottle opener so I went with many and I was there was an awful I didn't get to the to the tent place that I was saying until five in the morning with T and Gigi and then and then they're following and then we went to that place in Petra where there's

basically like buildings carved into rocks it's's unbelievable. Phenomenal. It was amazing. And then, and then so I was going to go running with Spend the next day and I was like, Oh, it's only 5k. I'll be grand. Got up at five in the morning, had to drive an hour and a half to find him. And then, and then I did 5k with him. And when I say I winched, luckily he was way ahead of me, but I was like, why are we here? It was like, it was like running on boulders constantly. I was like, why are we here? It was like, it was like running on boulders constantly. I was like, I'm going to break both my ankles before I get to the airport. The heat. I don't know how he did it. And I really, I honestly have to give

him to those. How did he do it though? Like is he, is he well in the head? Like what the fuck? How did he do it? He doesn't look well. He doesn't look well at all. I saw the photos there. Tony looked amazing. Like I'm surprised he wasn't, he couldn't come back emaciated. Like he still looks like he's got muscle and form and stuff. Now I think, no, his butt. He would put me off running to be honest. His butt. I assume if I'd run like that.

I'd come back like a supermodel. Yeah. What's the point? I assume if I'd run like that, I'd come back like a supermodel. Yeah. What's the point? Speno. Well, I thought his face looked, he needs a bit of weight in the face. Let's be honest. Come on.

He needs a bit of weight in the face. For a man who was run as much as he has run. For a man who was run as much as he has run. For a man who was running as much as he has run. Joanne, Jo, leave every single one of them in. I have an English degree, take that out! I honestly don't know how he did this. For a man who was dribbled along for as long as he has dribbled on his feet, I think he looks fucking fantastic.

Like honestly. I don't know how he did it. So is it 10 kilos that he lost? A stone and a half. He lost, yeah, he lost 10 kilos. Well, can I just say something? We shouldn't really be glamorizing weight loss, first of all, but I wanna just, I'm gonna say one more. We shouldn't, but in our defense,

I am a child of the nineties and some of that shit just sits in your DNA and it's very hard to get rid of. And that's all I'll say. Can I tell, well, I have one thing to say as well. So you've had your say, I'm having mine. I run 5k a day, right? Every single day. You didn't mention that. Yeah. For 30 days. We have 100. Tell us everything. Guess how much weight I lost. Guess how much weight I lost. Well, you weigh three pounds. So I'm

guessing a pound and a half. Not even 0.1 of a kilo. Not even 0.01 of a kilo. I don't know what happened. I think I upped my intake of shite. Well, I think that's good. I think that's a good thing. I think you don't have the weight to lose. And like you say, we should not be glamorizing weight loss and you're running for fitness. Yeah. And I did like it. But anyway, so I did that run with them and I had to get back to the airport. And I was, when I say I was in the biggest rush, I was like, I'm going to miss my flight back. And I had to get back for work. And then there's only one flight a day. The Jordanian people, first of all, I would like to say are some of the nicest people I've ever met. Everyone was really kind and sound, but there were

a few that I met that had the urgency of a snail and my taxi driver to the airport was one of those people. Chilling. He's chilling. I was like, I'm like, I'm going to miss my flight. Can we just get on the road? And he's kind of like standing at the car smoking and I was like, can we just move? And then all of a sudden, half an hour is the journey. He pulled over the side of the road and I was like, can we just move? And then all of a sudden, half an hour is the journey. He pulled over the side of the road and I was like, what's going on? I was like, why are we stopping? He goes, look at that. And there was like a nice view. And I was like, yeah, I just don't, I don't have time to look at the view. And he was like, no, I'm going

smoking. And I was like, okay, I'll just look at the view. Okay. And he got back in the car and I was like, dude, honestly, we can't stop for any more smoke breaks. And he was like, I smoke in car. I was sitting in the back of the car. I love this. It's so agee's. Hot box. And I was like, how many do you smoke a day? And he was like two packets. I was like, Oh God, this is a three hour car journey. How many am I going to have to sit through? And then anyway, about another 45 minutes later, we pull over again and he offers me a coffee. I was like, I was like, no, thank you. But we're really in a rush. And he was like, I'm going to get myself a coffee. And you only hypnotherapy'd off the vapes and everything I'd say. You were absolutely

bullying. So I was so raging. But you know what? It actually really reminded me of my dad. So I quite enjoyed that. It was very nostalgic to be in the back of the car, stinking a cigarette my dad blowing, pencil and edges in my face. I didn't realize how much I'd missed that. So on that journey, I really missed Freddie. Just checking out the view, getting a little bit of emphysema, you know, but a nice round up to the holiday. It does seem, doesn't it seem kind of barbaric now considering how like normal smoking was everywhere that now when you go somewhere where it's not as prohibited as it is here,

it looks, it's like people, you're so shocked by it. I know it's well, it's, to be honest, I just don't like sink in a smoke. I know, but back in the day we kind of just put like, we were all smelly. We were all smelly. It was like, do you know what it was like? It was like when you'd go to a club when you were young as a millennial and they'd have photographers there and they would take photos of everyone in the club and every, they took 60,000 photos up on the, on the club's face the next day. There was no permission asked, there was no consent given and they were the ugliest photos

because you were obviously bananas and there was nothing you could do. You couldn't contact the club and be like, would you mind taking that down? That was it. Everyone was just fair game. Yeah. You were just, but yeah, seeing people smoking now, it's indoors. It's unless it's like a house party or something. It's strange. It's strange to see. I'm still off the vape. Haven't even thought. And I see them in the shop now and I'm like, Oh, I'm really indifferent to them. Sharon, the, the. That's amazing. I know. I actually am very, very surprised by it. I know I spoke by Jordan, but did you see the news?

Probably. What? I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. Oasis. Oh my God. Do you understand? Sorry. Did you just put that off the back of going to Jordan? Like I thought this was some geo- It was the most important news of my week. I saw it. I started having horror palpitations. I was like, you're going to win out some way the Taliban or something. And you're like, just see the news guys. I just back from Jordan. Just see the news. Ben Affleck was cheating on Jennifer Lopez.

It is the most, it is the most important news of the decade. It is, I'm going to, I booked out, I rang Louisa. I was like, book out all the, all the London dates, book out all the Dublin dates. I'm not working on those days because I have to see which ones I'm going to get tickets for. I'm going to go multiple times. Now I'm obviously, I'm not talking to Noel, obviously, but I'm still going to go. It's going to focus on Liam. Well, maybe they're obviously for this to get to a reunion, they're obviously both in, I would say therapy and both medicated. So maybe when you meet now the next time, he might actually be saying to her and say, hi, I'd say they've done ayahuasca or something.

Something's happened. I do know what's happened. They got 500 million quid. That's what's happened. Yeah. I do. I do pretty much anything for 500 million quid. The great peacemaker.

Yeah. I go on tour with Andrew Tate. I'd be like, I mean, I don't agree with everything he says. Putin, yes, we're doing the Gaiety Putin. Twelve nights at the Gaiety. You and Vlad. Vogue and Vlad. The new Antin Tech. Captain Dec. Do you want to be touring all over North Korea with Kim Jong? In my full length leather black jacket.

My cropped gypsy cut. Twinsies! This is my bestie Kim! You need to do a highlight. It's not that I'm telling you how to run your social media, but you need to do a highlight of pods. I'd love that. I've kind of run out of pods at the moment.

I'm a bit of a loose end. I'd hate to start listening to Earth. Well, I have to every week. We have to sacrifice you to the lambs, Vogue. You're the human sacrifice. You know what? I know I can see now that I don't even know why I needed my therapist to tell me that I was controlling because like I can't, I could be like dying somewhere and I'd be like, no, don't it. It's not going out until I've, I've listened. Yeah. I can't, I can't trust

anyone because I know not even you, Joe, trying to throw me under the bus with that guy I used to be with. I'm controlling, I think everyone is controlling in some ways. I think everyone has controlling sides and things they'd like to control. I'm controlling with stand up, quite controlling with stand up, but weirdly not that controlling with this strangely, really. Yeah, but stand up is a very like lone job. Now I know you're saying you're controlling about it. I have one note. Oh, go on. Okay. I bet your stand up. Oh Jesus. Ricky Gervais

recently posted that he was doing a show at 4pm and I just think you should consider it. Oh, that's nice. That's a great, nice time. The 5pm suited you in Edinburgh. Why not stick to it? The girls would love that. It did. Do you know what it did? But there was certain gags that got a, I was like, you're right. That's a 9pm gag. You're right. Point taken. I appreciate your honesty. That's him. That's him being, that's him wanting to get just home by six o'clock. Like I get it. I totally get it. And then he'd be able to go to sleep at a normal time. It works out so well for everyone.

I'd be home, I'd go for a drink after your show and then I'd be home by 10. What's his name? Chicago Bulls. He used to hang out with, he's like best. Do you want this guy's right? Dennis Rodman. Another one for you. I think you'd love him. A couple of things to promote. I have some American shows starting off in October of Denver and Portland and Seattle. I have Nashville, Texas, Dallas, places like that. American places. And it's all on jorammagnoli.com. And then ghosted also have, we have Boston, New York and Toronto. Toronto. Mytherapistghostedme.com.com. I've already started packing. I'm not at all surprised. I'm just going to bring

my suitcase from Edinburgh unwashed and just load it back onto the plane. I'm actually joking. Would you believe I've washed everything? You're changing. And he only came back 48 hours ago. Yeah. That's pretty good. I know. Thank you. She's a new woman. I'm a nerd. One of my favorite stories from the week. you were in Jordan Ford slash Cork. They're so similar. On Concord. I don't know how the fuck. Anyway, it's not that far away. It only takes five and a half hours to get to Mars.

I've stopped asking questions. You're in one of those elevators that Elon Musk has made, one of those lifts. I got a rocket. You get rockets over there. Yeah, it's great. It's like the Rainbow Rapids from Dublin, but they just go through space and time. Like Willy Wonka. Did you see the story where where Mackamore pulled someone up on stage and then it turned out she was a fugitive? Did you see this Joe?

You know Macklemore obviously one of God's favorites who everyone's obsessed with like Macklemore is he's kind of the perfect man. Yeah. Is he single now? This is what you need to be thinking to yourself. Is he single Macklemore? Is he single Joe? No, he got married in 2015. Ah, for fuck's sake. Well 2015, what is is 2024 now? It's probably, it's probably spoiling now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably a good time to test the waters. They are fucking sick of each other at this stage.

I'd say there's, I'd say there's a bit of repetition there sexually and I, you know, I'd say things are cooling off. Anyway, look, none of my business. But I do think he's like the kind of the perfect man and he pulled some woman up on stage and then it turned out she was a fugitive. So she's now been arrested off the back of us. Now she was only in fairness on the run for streaking through some football pitch or something. So it wasn't the worst, but she hasn't been arrested. I know she's a good time gal. Um, but I was like, if I had the opportunity to be pulled up on stage by Macklemore, I wouldn't care if I was one of the Kinahans on the actual run. I'd be fucking up on

that stage in two seconds. A hundred percent. And for anyone who doesn't know the Kinahans are the Irish mafia and they're on the run. And I literally, even if I was one of the top Kinhans, I'd be up on that stage with Macklemore. If someone was like, Oh, do you want to make a sex tape with Macklemore? But the only person who's going to see it is your mother. I'd be like, yeah, I'll do it. Just your mother and your brother, private screening. That's it. But you get to ride Macklemore. I'll do it. I'll do it. Sign me up. I'll go get waxed. I'm in. I would do it. You'd be doing a great performance as well. You wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your mom and your bro. No! Not at all!

I'd be doing it for the fam. I'd do that with Eminem. Definitely. 100%. I agree. Here Neil, I've got a new tape for you. Do you remember that video of me hip hop dancing on my own at 12? You thought that was bad. Here's me riding Eminem. I text, I text Neil today, right? Cause I'm going to see Coldplay tonight and he wrote, I said, are you sure you don't want me to see if I can get you a ticket? I think you'd really enjoy it. Cause he's dropping me and my mom and my aunties in and collecting us. And I'm like, you know, by the time you get back to health, you'll be coming back in. And he goes, I'd love to go, but unfortunately I've made an

appointment to have my fingernails ripped out with pliers. I'm like, Neil, he's such a bitch! He doesn't really listen. He only listens to Mike Oldfield, you know, Chewbacca, that's more his vibe. I don't think he realizes how good Coldplay are. Neil, no one does. Like this is the people who hate Coldplay. I hate the people who hate Coldplay because it feels like it's just something to do. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if Neil just... No, he's not. He's not there on a break. You know, Dakota Fanning, they're on a break. No, he's single.

I've spoken to the two of them. They are on a break. They're not on a break. Who told you they're on a break? No, because this is their. Dakota. No, this is their third break. And I think that that's it now. And I think that you should really get back to Dublin. He was on Grafton Street today and you weren't nowhere to be seen.

I don't know. Like, I do like his music. I don't. He doesn't have that hooligan energy that I enjoy. Do you know? Do you know who has the hooligan? Do you remember? Well, I was going to say do you remember? They're still alive and working. Do you know Imagine Dragons? Oh, I love them. They're great. Yeah, but you remember that no one really gave a fuck about them until your man started taking his top off and then everyone was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know what he looks like. Let me Google. He can imagine.

I was going to say he can imagine my dragon, which is the worst. Sorry. Oh, no, he's a right. How embarrassing. You can imagine. Oh, my God. He's so tall. OK, so imagine dragons. Is it plural or singular? Imagine dragons were just like a normal band, like the script.

They were just a band. They were a popular band. They did their bits and bobs. People went or they didn't go, whatever. Then the Imagine Dragon, the main guy, the dragon of Imagine Dragon, suddenly started taking his top off and everyone was like, what is this? And he's oiling himself up before he goes on stage. An oiler knows an oiler.

I oil myself up sometimes on dates, I'll oil my legs. And his body is perfection because it looks a little soft, but it's not. He's not like too big. He is 12 millimeters taller than me. Oh, I thought you were, I really thought you were going somewhere else. Oh my God, this is amazing.

He'd be really tall for me. He's tall, he's hot. He's hot. I actually have to stop going on like that. I have a husband that I'm happy with. Who? Oh come on. That ship has sailed. The last one I woke up before in the morning the other day and I was like, Oh God, where I said I fancied someone I was like, should we take that out? And she goes, no, it's fine. I think it's fine. I think it's fine. Just because you're in a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. You have to be looking at other people.

Yeah, it doesn't mean you can't, you know, lick a spoon every now and again. Yeah, exactly. You need to have someone lined up in case it all blows up in your face. Man on the boil, one of my friends has fallen for a guy that she met in Hinge and she rang and said,

I've fallen for a guy who met in Hinge and I screamed down the phone, get your arse back on Hinge, line up two more. Yeah, yeah. Now, this is where I am in my life. You have to do that. You can't, you can't lie on one.

No. So there was a burglar who basically was robbing someone's house, which is not nice to do. If you're, do you know what as well? If there's any burglars listening, if you're going to rob someone's house, just don't mess it up. I just think it's so unnecessary. Just don't mess it up. At least leave it nice. Leave it the way you found it. Take what you need, but don't mess it up. So this fella, this fella was from Rome. Oh, a fancy burglar. Uh, and he was caught because he

stopped to read. I love the positive racism. Oh, he's from Rome. Fancy. Um, he, he stopped to read a book on Greek mythology in the middle of a robbery and he, he basically got into the flat by a balcony and then just got stuck into this book and a 71 year old homeowner woke and confronted the thief. Can you believe that? I thought I had ended up in a B&B and I saw the book and started to read it, he said. That doesn't even make sense. It was obviously Bridget Jones' diary because...

It was Greek mythology. I love books about Greek mythology. No, he's pretending he's doing that thing where he's putting a sleeve of an important book like a Ulysses on the front and he's actually reading Bridger Chan's diary, which is a really fucking good book. I used to do that with 50 shades of gray on the tube because it was actually too embarrassing. Like you could see how turned on I was. So I had to hide the book. Yeah. You're like, Oh, I'm just reading Hamlet on the tube. Anambari again.

How embarrassing for authors. Like when my book comes out and someone burgles a house with that book in it and they don't get stung reading it. Scarlet for me. Scarlet. Imagine. The book's just fucking sitting there. No, your book is going to stop a lot of crime, actually, because they will not be able to take their hands off it. That's really sweet. I appreciate that. Oh, another great story this week. Morgan Freeman. I don't like, I mean, is it true? Who cares? I don't care. We don't restrict ourselves with fact checking. No, what did he do? Has he done something wrong? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no but you just don't know. Like I mean, there's one week Joe could just disappear off this podcast and that's the truth. We think he seems normal and sound. He could have a fucking woman in the basement. We would not even know.

They don't look mental. They just act mental. Anyway, Joe, we hope. Joe looks a bit mental. You're not going to say you do. No, Joe is exactly what I'd say. That's what I'd say. I've heard banging. I've heard banging Joe. Joe doesn't look normal though. He doesn't look normal. Like he would be an unusual looking person on the streets if you know what I mean. Just a hair. Like not in a bad way, in a nice way. You're not like, you're not like your regular Joe. Nice. Nice. Nice. You're right. There is something suspicious about him. You keep your eye on him. Look sus. Tell me what Morgan Freeman did. I'm dying to know now. Morgan Freeman wears a very expensive pair of earrings, not hoops, just studs. So that if he dies somewhere weird,

they can use the earrings to buy him a coffin. Apparently it's what pirates used to do. So he wears these as money, money, basically, ear money. So that if he dies somewhere random, random, where they don't know who Morgan Freeman is, they're like, oh, God, we can't give this man a respectful burial. But But hold on his earrings are worth loads of money. I was like, okay, yeah, that's a lot of hell. That's a lovely thought Morgan. If I came across your lifeless body, I wouldn't be behind

you a cop and I'd be popping them right in. A hundred percent. 100% Oh shiny You have not thought this through Oh look This dead body has a Faberge egg in each ear. The right thing to do is cash these in and get this man I don't know a coffin. That's why I have a very expensive

coffin because those earrings are worth a lot of money. I was imagining if I got killed and I had to buy a coffin out of my jewelry. They were like, okay, so there's a wheelie bin over there that we could probably buy. Just put you in one of your care, they put you in a care line box.

You can sell many of them in your house. Kevin, get it, we've got something for you. Her jewelry is collectively worth 60... ...ro? Jo, I think actually it's Dakota Johnson, not Dakota Fanning. You're absolutely right. So you were talking to the wrong girl then? It's the wrong Dakota.

Oh my God, it was the wrong Dakota that I was... Yeah, he's free. ...slinging to my DMs to tell me on her personal business. Sorry. Absolutely. Did you see about that? That cryo chamber that you can get like loads of people are basically getting buried now in cryo chambers and they're spending 170 grand to get put like Walt Disney did. So they're, they're freezing their bodies. But like Kieran, my business partner again, first of all, he was, we walked by a graveyard the other day and he was like, I was thinking about buying a couple of plots for me and

Georgina. I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Well you got it. That's so depressing. But he was saying that like, what if the company ran out of money? Then everyone watched just defrosts. And that's it. Like, how do you know in a hundred years that company is going to still be going? You might just be left to defrost. And then where's the bod going? Yeah. That's, there's no dignity in just defrosting. No, like let's pour, right? And it's never, it's not good. But what I would say is now is the first time that I

would think that being frozen could actually result in getting successfully thought, if you get me. Oh, don't start that. Things are moving quick. Science is moving quickly now. I would never have considered it before, but I would, I mean, I still won't consider it, but I mean, I can imagine it working now. Your brain can live for 2000 years if it wanted to, but your body is the part that fails you. So your actual brain that runs your body, well I mean the heart and stuff have a lot of things to do as well, but you know what I mean? Your brain could live on like that.

So maybe, but like I don't know, I'd miss all my friends. I don't know if I, I know that I'm going up and coming back down with my same group of people. That's what I've decided. So I don't know if I want to be frozen for hundreds of years and then I don't get to hang out with the same people in my next life. Sorry. What's this? Are you talking about coming back as something else? Yeah. So I die and basically you're-

What's it called again? Reincarnation. No, I'm not coming back as a dog or anything. I'm coming back as a person. Although a dog wouldn't be bad. You don't have a clue. You could come back as a worm. You have no power over this. I hope you come back as a sponge. That would be the worst existence. At least I'll get to see naked people and have fun in a bath. You're going to live there. They're the longest living creatures. You're stuck under there for something like 30,000 years.

Well what a fall from grace. Oh, you look like the princess of Jordan to a worm. Okay. SpongeBob, whatever. Enjoy your time down there. I could be washing generous genitals and they don't even know that sponge is a personality in eyes. If you want to spend your existence washing ourselves. Not the front, not the back bits. I'll be a front bit sponge. When they try to put me in the back, I'll harden up. They were like, Oh, what's going on with it?

It only works on the front. It's not on my loofah. I don't want to exfoliate and it softens at the front. Yeah, yeah. That'll be me. There was something else, we've got enough. No, I'm just going to tell you, let me tell you one thing. I was looking into other things that you could get done to your body after you die,

because I thought that they would be quite like fun. You could get turned into fireworks. That's very you, John. I would get turned into a diamond. I'm going to get turned into a diamond. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Um, Joe, a scientist will watch you decompose. Oh, don't know my body to science. Yeah, you're going to do that. That's nice actually. That's altruistic. Yeah. Mine's quite, mine's very narcissistic. It's like, look at me, look at me, look at me in the sky. Look, look, look, look at me.

Yeah. Everyone clap. I'm flying now. Whereas Joe is giving back to the society. I think that's great. Yeah, you are. You've just given me that vibe, but you can also get your body filled with plastics. And so your body like those I've seen pictures of people in Mexico who've had

it done and the bodies just kind of stay. I think Spencer would do something like that because he'd want to be around for people to gawk at. You know, there's some this is anecdotal. I'd have to fact check it, which of course I have no intention of doing. But there was some culture where when you died, they would kind of cut your body up and leave you on the top of a mountain for your bits to be taken off by vultures. Have you? Yeah. That's kind of cool. Isn't it?

Yeah. I wouldn't love that myself. I'd rather have more of a peaceful. Imagine them trying to lift your mouth off a mountain. You need more than the vulture and they're big birds. They'd be like, we're calling in the pack! Get the coast guard, get the coast guard, it's not enough! 68 vultures trying to balance this man. Someone commented on my Instagram the other day, I just saw, I don't see them all, but like someone commented and they were like, Oh, look at that worst on her face. And I just wrote under, I was like, I like, I like, I like it to be called a moly moly. Thank you very much.

A lovely chat. Thanks for listening. We'll chat to you soon. See you for the bonus. See you for the bonus on Wednesday. One day we won't be as like stilted when we're saying goodbye. One day. We don't know when that will be but it will happen one time. Thanks for watching!