My Therapist Ghosted Me - Strep, AI Software & Trick Or Treaters

Episode Date: November 3, 2023

Just before they jump on a plane to Oz, Vogue & Joanne got together, despite the fact that Joanne's throat was a mess, to unpack Halloween once and for all, plus the Wagatha Christie doc and more on Britney's book.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted, me with me, Germán McNally and... Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. We're here and we're queer. We're not queer, but we're an ally. Joanne has strep, which is not a sexually transmitted disease in case anyone thought it had finally caught up with her. Yeah, I thought it was stress of the throat.

It's not. It's, I'm corrected, it's strep to cockle basically do you know okay Jo all ahead of you I didn't know folk obviously knows

that children are petri dishes I did not I'd heard rumours but I'd never experienced it first hand I attended a child's birthday party at the weekend

had a great time really good time the drink was flowing the cake was flowing the mini fun sized snickers were flowing then Sunday night and I I love kids oh my god I meant to tell you I was really up for it because you know I love kids folk yeah you do I do love kids I do love kids you do love kids I really do and um I'm just like trying to hang out with the kids and I was blowing up balloons at the kitchen counter beside one of the kids. She's six.

And I tried to draw on it then with a Sharpie. I was trying to draw my face on it. And it burst right in this child's ear. And the child, I know. And I was there to make an impression. Do you know what I mean? And so the child kind of looked up. You know the way they do that thing where they check to see if they're allowed to have a meltdown?

And I was like, Well done. Well done. Well done. You're okay. Well done. check to see if they're allowed have a meltdown and I was like well done well done well done you've got ears fab you heard it well done and now and she called plan a was get on with the evening and plan b was cry and well she went for plan b in quite a big way so everyone's looking over the music I was like did the music just stop? What happened? So that was one child down. Then the second child, she was so gorgeous.

And when she was leaving, I picked her up. I think I picked her up. There was a couple of drinks taken, but yeah, I did. I picked her up. I picked her up. And I said, her mum was taking her out to the car.

And I said, you're not going with your mummy. I'm going to steal you. Because me and her have been getting on. I picked her up. I picked her up. And I said, her mum was taking her out to the car. And I said, you're not going with your mummy. I'm going to steal you. Because me and her have been getting on. I didn't know. Me and her have been getting on really well. She's like seven, eight. They don't understand the jokes. They, well, this child clearly has absolutely no sense of humour.

Because she, again, she kind of looked at me and I was about to go, ha ha. And she had a fucking melt grand though because that one was on the way out the door anyway so whatever her mum was like we should stop

knocking into the car but I was again mortified I was like is she joking back is she but no she wasn't she was bawling

crying yeah listen I don't think you should feel bad I still do that to my kids like when T myself and Gigi have been out and I'm like

we'll give them we'll give them Otto because he's been naughty today and like they'll really upset them and I'm like I'm not going to give them Otto I'm going to give them you

you're like there you're going because of your shit reaction to mummy's funny gag you don't think mummy's funny you're out okay you're going to the kennels um but anyway so so that was the children's party but ultimately apart from making the two kids cry I had a really good day then Sunday night throat's a bit scratchy

I was like I don't feel good oh my god basically I obviously caught something off one of the kids I feel fucking awful I've got strep It's so annoying Being sick like that And just having stuff to do And you can't do it Like a vomiting bug Is the only time

I get out of doing stuff One time when I had a vomiting bug I had to keep filming stuff I had to do it Mid-vomiting bug I've done a podcast Where I just went and puked Every 15 minutes

I just sometimes I just put a vomiting bug In peace In bed Vogueed every 15 minutes. I just sometimes, I just put a vomiting bug in peace in bed. Folk, I don't know, like I just was like, well I suppose because I speak for a living and I had two gigs to do

and obviously the pod and I literally, like day two, I was like I can't, like I have to protect my throat because we're going to fucking Australia. Where are we going, Australia?

It looks like an ice cave in there. It's just like a white and awful looking. Well, there's good news to come from it. Joanne hasn't touched a drink in days. That's how I know she's very, very unwell. Three days, not a drop. Just drank anything. Yeah.

So I'm like, great. I can get it. She's coming back to me. Now, you're not to be infecting me. Is it infectious? It is infectious. And this is why I was quite flattered. Because apparently strep is just very common in children. It's unusual for an adult. infecting me is it infectious it is infectious and this is why I was quite flattered because apparently

strep is just very common in children it's unusual for an adult but I have huge tonsils I always have oh big tonsils

in the back of my throat huge tiny brown huge tonsils that's what they've always said about me ew okay well I'm going to stay away from you

this week yeah no scoring for us I'm not going to kiss you well we can still kiss just no tongues no tongues yeah we'll just keep a PG no tongues for the week From you this week. Yeah. No scoring for us. I'm not going to kiss you. Well we can still kiss. Just no tongues I assume. No tongues. Yeah.

We'll just keep it PG. No tongues for the week. But you know what you were saying about doing your pods when you have to puke every 15 minutes. Like. Yeah. I. I think as an adult if you're sick you should be allowed to go. I'm. I'm not.

Like. That's what. That's what kind of shocked me the most. No one gives a shit when you're sick as an adult. No. No one cares. You have to be in hospital for anyone to care. Like I, I remember after I was sick,

I remember ringing my management and being like, do you know what? I actually needed a day off. I was very unwell. I didn't, I shouldn't have filmed those things or done that podcast. Like literally I'd be like, you know when you vomit though,

if you have a vomiting bug, you have a gold in 15 minutes where you're like, actually, I feel fantastic I've new Lisa life yeah it's over it's all gone and then it starts coming again

and you're like oh god oh god it's gonna happen again when it's all gone at first you feel like you've just done

an Ironman you're like oh my god actually I feel like I've had a religious experience you're like I feel

because the illness the nausea has passed and you're like maybe it's over you feel so good I had to travel I was pregnant as well with's over you feel so good i had to travel i was pregnant as well with with otto when i had it and i had to travel like and i had all the kids and stuff but i kept just lying down in different places in the airport i was like i probably look

so hungover and i've got this huge pregnant belly just like god it was oh and you know the food you eat after being sick I went to Dublin airport And they have this like Roast place In Terminal 1 And I was like I know what I'll eat After a two day vomiting bug

A roast No Don't do it Yeah because you're trying I know you have to go It's all just dry toast Isn't it For like

You have to kind of Take it all a bit easy Like half a tangerine And all And then you can You need to have butter on the toast at least no one

no one eats dry toast they do when you're really sick my mum was a nurse and when you were when you were like because obviously

half the time I was sick I was pretending as a kid but she'd be like dry toast and flat seven up the usual shit but what I was going to say

is I felt very sorry for myself because it's a long time since I felt that sick the last time I had tonsillitis was after lockdown And we took off our masks And I scored this guy

And then because my mouth Had been protected for so long Literally before he'd even Pulled his tongue out I had full blown tonsillitis Oh god Anyway I said to Alan

If you don't fucking up Your game here I'm going to my mum's I'd get a little bit My mum No my mum wouldn't give a shit The last time I got Like a throat disease was,

do you remember those things we used to go to winter party? There was these things and they'd be in a big venue like we have, like the Three Arena or it would be in like... It was in the RDS.

It was in the RDS and they were in the Three Arena. Like it's kind of like the O2 and you'd go and it'd be like this winter party festival, kids all your own age and you'd literally kiss

about 40 people that night. And then I got, that was the last time i got a throaty disease i got the one i got the big one the big the big the big yeah i know we said that what was it called again what's it called it's so bad the kissing disease and you'd get it for like 12 weeks. What is it? Glandular fever. Glandular fever. Yeah, I got that on the train home. You're just disgusting. I got that on the train home from Irish college. That'll tell you how that ride went. It wasn't, you know what I mean,

a train ride, not a real ride. Anyway. I couldn't score anyone in Irish college because I looked too like an alien back in the day. That was before like I had grown into my face. No one wanted to score me. Really? Well, I mean, what I will say is

on the train on the way home, it was kind of like a free-for-all. So everyone who hadn't managed to score during Irish college, it was just basically all us. The maze open. All us munters just kind of going, come on, fuck it.

Come on, you're going home. Once you go home, you have to go back to normal. You can't score ever. You're a two, I'm a two. Let's go. The nines ignored us. You're a two, I'm a two.

Let's go. The nines ignored us. I watched Wagatha Christie. Oh! Now I know you were obsessed with it. Now I am fully in there obsessed with it. I don't think that it was anything Wagatha E, the way she found out. I think you could reduce who it was by the

followers but it's a great name how how ridiculous that rebecca vardy brought that to court she is now three million it's but like why i know you knew you had done it you knew and it's like you see all of the like the stuff from the lawyers and stuff like that but not only that she was selling stories about her husband's teammates

so he was coming home as you do day at work being like oh your man didn't show up to training today oh your mom was there he's refusing to do this

and all of this was getting fed to the papers and it's like it's a dialogue between Rebecca Vardy and her agent and so they're obviously in cahoots

about getting her all this amazing press for these stories but like the scarletness I would I she needs to move

to Bali and get away from all of this because it's so embarrassing I think she has hasn't she gone I think she has kind of moved away

a little bit I as I always do. She needs to go to the other side of the world and live in Cambodia or something where no one will know who she is. As I always do, I always end up coming full circle on these things

and feel sorry for the other person. So now I feel really sorry for Rebecca Vardy. I even think Colleen Rooney feels sorry for her. Yeah. It's so humiliating I'm watching it, it's just like oh my god, like knowing that she's sold stories, like the husband

having to go into the into the dressing room with the players, is that called a dressing room? yeah, changing room well he yells to go in and be like, oh sorry my wife the walk in wardrobe the chic little room they go in and be like, oh, sorry. The walk-in wardrobe.

The chic little room they go in and have little glasses of orange juice. The boutique that they get changed in. Before they go in there. It was really embarrassing to watch. I really liked Colleen Rooney. Yeah. I just think she seems like, she just seems like a normal girl. Good crack. And the other stuff that Rebecca was feeding to the press was so like minute

but it's so funny that they even wanted to just like have that there and also also Rebecca Varley is still like

I don't agree with the decision I don't and it's like babe please stop it's done I think

and you know what I haven't actually watched it yet which now I'm embarrassed to admit because you seem to have really enjoyed it because one of my friends who I really trust his opinion on these things said it was a little bit boring oh no I watched all three in very quick succession

he said there was too much focus on Wayne Rooney and his career and he's like I don't give a shit about him he just said there was just too much I didn't think there was too much about Wayne interesting I know well now I noticed different much. I didn't think there was too much about Wayne. Interesting. Well, now I noticed different things probably. I noticed how organised she was. She has this little rail where she hangs up all the kids' clothes and has all of their bags all sorted. And I'm like, wow, I'd love to live there. Their house is amazing.

I want to live there. I must give it a go. I'll give it a go. Give it a go. Give it a whirl on your way home. I'll give it a go. Another thing I watch on your way home. I'll give it a go. Another thing I watch that you need to watch, obviously the Kardashians. And remember we spoke about that cat, Karl Lagerfeld's cat chupette. Yeah. Who has its own agent. So Kim Kardashian last year, she wore the

Marilyn Monroe dress to the Met Gala. This year, because it's Karl Lagerfeld this year, she wanted to bring the cat. So she had to go and meet the cat. Karl Lagerfeld this year she wanted to bring the cat so she had to go and meet the cat and she did she went to Paris to meet the cat to see if they bonded

that cat is a wanker I have never seen oh my god like it's just hissing and trying to attack her the whole time

and she actually like you know Kim would go do anything to get a good look she actually said no to the cat because the cat was such a dick. That cat's an arsehole, by the way. Cats are notoriously tricky creatures at times, we would say.

That's with me being, that's full diplomacy there. Not all cats, as they say, but some of them are difficult. Not all cats, as they say, but some of them are difficult. But that cat has been spoiled to within an inch of its life. He makes Gigi look like Mother Teresa. I don't really understand that joke, actually. Pardon? I don't really either. What are you trying to say about She-She? I'm saying she is a saint, Vogue.

Don't overthink it. Saint, okay, fine. Saint she-she. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams, and Joanne... McNally! Yeah, sorry, I took your name and I felt bad Joanne McNally

so that was my TV watching this week I can't believe you haven't watched the Wargathey you're going to absolutely love it well I am

if we're going down the TV alley I've watched a couple of things this week I inhaled did you watch Maxine which is about the fiancé

of Ian Huntley the only thing about that was I was scared it was going to be too upsetting to watch is it very upsetting

it's actually if I can say this and I hope I'm correct in describing this because obviously it's a very sensitive subject but they don't really focus on the girls or the parents really that much at all they are kind of kind of blurry background characters it's very much about in the house the setup how it came

about with Maxine and it's kind of told from her point of view Is she in prison now? I can't remember if she is in prison I'm not going to give any spoilers but she's not in prison now but I won't say anything else aside from that So she did go to prison, I'm going to start watching it tonight She basically gave him

a false alibi and the show was about how that came about TV's fucking phenomenal at the moment But I'm trying to read books and I'm just like a false alibi and it's the show was about how that came about okay TV's fucking phenomenal at the moment but I'm trying to read books and I'm just like

I'm not like I have another book that I want to get into I think it's called Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow or something and I've had it for ages I'm going to bring two books

to Australia and try and get through them I have a lot of plans for Australia speaking of books I know this is this is kind of me and Vogue's version

of a culture podcast. But I am 20 minutes away from finishing Brittany's audiobook. Do you know that it's the fastest selling celebrity memoir in history? It is so fucking sad. Oh my God. Is it worth a read though?

Absolutely. I think it's worth a read with your ears because I think Michelle does such a good job. She, she kind of sounds like Britney. She,

I think she must be slightly impersonating her. But the stuff she, and I, no spoilers, but stuff about the conservatorship and I know it's

one side of the story, but like her father wouldn't let her one time she went to when she did the circus tour when she did the Las Vegas residency

which she was forced to do yeah and bearing in mind she is a like multi multi multi multi multi multi millionaire already

and then the circus tours in Las Vegas were making like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousand dollars a night. I went to see that. She wasn't great in it. In Vegas? In Vegas, yeah, I did. Well, I mean, then you really need to listen or read the book because you will do nothing but feel so sorry for this woman who was basically forced. Do you know when you go, do you know when you see those videos online now this might be

a kind of OTT comparison when you see monkeys being forced to like cycle bikes yeah or they drug lizards and you can hold them on the coastline road

in Thailand she had no control people told her when to work if she didn't do it they said she couldn't see her kids what?

yeah they were like well you're not she was going out with this guy and he was big into fitness If she didn't do it, they said she couldn't see her kids. What? Yeah. They were like, well, you're not. And she was going out with this guy and he was big into fitness. And she was very much at the point where she was like, fuck you, fuck everyone. She just wanted to live her life and hang out with her kids. But everyone else around her wanted to make money.

So they kind of kept forcing her out in the road. And because of the conservatorship, if she didn't do it, they like put her into rehab or they would say she couldn't see her kids and she was going out with this guy who was being into fitness and he was using these um vitamin supplements like these vitamin vitamin c or something i don't energy supplements and she started taking them she's like i felt great like energy supplements and her dad put her back in rehab what yeah you're addicted to them she's like I'm not they're over-the-counter energy supplements and he was like no no I don't like it and she had to just and she no choice she just had to go back no choice like it was it was she felt at that stage she was like I've just given up this is what my life is now I have to

go on the road but she was saying that one night she her and her dancers no one was allowed to have a drink around her she's like she couldn't have like imagine now you know what no one could have a drink around her no and so but she was never an alcoholic look we don't know we don't know what was going on really we she doesn't go into the details we don't know and as I've said before I realize now having read the book it's none of our fucking business no but I don't it was but no but no but no I know that you've said that but it is our business because she wants it to be our business because writing about it means she does want everybody to know no no no no she's writing the book because she's like what's happened to me is abusive and how many celebrities do you know who lost their run of themselves with substance abuse and gambling and lost all their money and no one ever took their rights away from them and access to their money and access to their children and all that jazz?

Like they didn't. So that's kind of her angle. So while she is fudgy around some detail, you realize that because she explains it. She's like, this was my life. She said she had a bit of an issue with Adderall at one stage. And yeah, there was definitely substance abuse problems, but she doesn't go into the details. But also she does say, even with whatever that was, it never got to the stage where I deserved what happened to me. So she took her dancers out one night for dinner and she wanted to pay. And there was like, I don't know how many,

15, 20 of them there. And her card was declined because she was only given a certain amount of like spending money from her father. Oh my God. And her card was declined in front of all these people who work for her. Oh my God.

It was honestly horrific. Horrific. Okay, I'm going to read it. Yeah. I don't even, Justin Tim, I'm not even angry at Justin anymore, which I was in by chapter Okay, I'm going to read it. Yeah. I don't even, Chilston Tim, I'm not even angry at Chilston anymore, which I was in,

by chapter three. I've gotten over all that. Now it's her dad. Tell me, what you did for Halloween. I know Halloween's over, and we were late with Halloween, but I went out for Halloween last night,

because it was, trick-or-treating time. Tell me everything. I saw the photos. Fam looked fab. So I went trick-or-treating, with the kids last night. Go on. She was everything. I saw the photos. Fam looked fab. So I went trick or treating with the kids last night. Go on. She was a witch.

I was mama witch. Yeah. The easiest costume to get. Sven was crap because, again, I had to organise the costume. I didn't know what he'd like to be. He was a man with an axe kind of thing. Yeah. The Grim Reaper. He was the Grim Yeah, I thought... The Grim Reaper.

He was the Grim Reaper. Oh, I thought it was a bit lacking, if I'm honest. He... I was on Yelp. I rated your whole family out of five and I did give Spencer one. I had...

Did you see my... Halloween Yelp was hopping. Oh my God. We were all getting reviewed. Did you see my witch mask? But I couldn't keep it on because I actually physically couldn't see when I put it on.

It looked heavy. 20 quid on Amazon. 20 quid and I couldn't even wear it. It looked like a prosthetic. It looked like something from one of the Forever movies. What are those called? Movies with the Forever

where they fly the dog around the place? Oh, the enchanted time, the long dog that looks like me. No, the huge dog with that,

I mean, yeah, they all kind of look like you, but not this one in particular. Annie has a long, never ending story. Excuse me, I look exactly like that dog.

You do. I just, I just wanted you to, I wanted you to get there and not me have to bring you there. But yes, you do. And my body's longer than my legs, so we couldn't be more alike.

And he does look like he's been sitting under a Dyson hair wrap for three days. So yeah, you're dead right. Spits. Anyway, so T was Flash Gordon, or not Flash Gordon, just Flash is a Joe. Who's Flash Gordon?

Is that a cleaning product? No. No? No, I think it's Flash Gordon or not Flash Gordon just Flash is it Jo? Who's Flash Gordon? Is that a cleaning product? No. No. No I think it's Flash Gordon's Flash Gordon's the OG. Folk I hate to interrupt you but I did wonder

where is the other one? Oh well Otto wasn't playing ball at all. I bought him a lobster outfit that was so cute he threw about four wobblers during the day

because he was asleep, he wasn't coming trick-or-treating anyway. And I just wanted to get one picture in the bloody lobster outfit he wouldn't put on any of it he threw. And I'm just going to put it on him tomorrow while he's really tired and he might notice and then I'll get a quick picture.

It'll be a crying shot, but I'll get the shot that I need. The man knows what he wants. What can you say? He's gone past the point of getting dressed up by his mother I might just put Gigi in it At least I won't waste money

On the costume then But anyway Just use AI And Photoshop him in Do you remember Trick or treating in Ireland Like I would Absolutely kill it

I'd have bags And bags And bags of sweets Like my friend Sent a picture of her child With this centre bag Full of sweets Like a huge friend sent a picture of her child with this centre bag full of sweets, like a huge big plastic bag,

bag for life one. And I took my kids out with one of those little buckets. So many houses around us just do not open the door. They turn off all their lights. They want nothing. I'd say on a whole street, there are probably four houses.

Let's say there's like 30 houses. Four of them would have Halloween decorations outside. They're the only ones that you can go into. I did wonder, because I was like, I wonder where she'll go. Because the house, it's like, first, did you go to the apartments in your building? No, because I just don't think that they would have wanted to play ball either. Because it's only our kids. So like, they're not going to set up a whole thing just for Theodore and Gigi.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. I did wonder where you'd go, because it it's like there's a lot of restaurants and shops around like where would you there was a couple of a couple of roads that we went on and some people were really nice one man came out with a cabbage and broccoli I'm not even joking he came out with a full cabbage and broccoli because he was like I'm really sorry everyone had a sweet I was like why don't you just like throw shit in their face honestly bringing in a cabbage

that is so funny because I cannot like did you not get loads in Allen's last night? yeah we did so we were the man with the cabbage and the fucking broccoli so basically I was like obviously like I know

I know I know I sound I know I sound okay now but like I'm not pretending you've actually never looked better yesterday was I said to Alan

when it's when he started coming down with this I was like I've never looked worse and he goes ah you have yeah and he

I think he meant it as like a nice thing and I was like ah cheers buddy so anyway I was in, ah, you have, yeah. And he, I think he meant it as like a nice thing. And I was like, oh, cheers, buddy. So anyway, I was in bed and like you do in the house. And I said, I was like, I need to go down to the shops

and get some sweets. Cause I was like, Alan, like it's getting dark. Like the kids are going to start coming around. We'd had a couple of kids the night before with their parents cause their parents were saying, you can't bring the child the night before. That's what we said.

We shut their door in their face and we went, no! Yeah, did you tell them to fuck off? Yeah, take that four-year-old dressed as a dinosaur and that six-year-old dressed as a pirate out of here because they're breaking the fucking rules. I find that really bizarre that they thought it was okay to go around on the 30th. It's not Halloween.

That's like saying where's my presents on Christmas Eve? No. Well, I mean, well, thank God they didn't call to your house

because we brought them in and cooked them a full dinner. They're still here. Go on anyway. Tell me. So you, what did you, I can't believe you wouldn't

be organized for Halloween We'd have like There'd be like sweets banging around and stuff You know yourself Like you know There's pop chips everywhere And So we had stuff for the kids

The night before And then the night of I was saying to Alan Alan was like Go down to the shop and get sweets But he was gone ages And I was saying I don't know

He's probably having an affair I was like I'm too sick to care But I was like All I care about is, he's probably having an affair. I was like, I'm too sick to care. But I was like, all I care about is the fact that the kids are going to start coming and there's no one here, like there's no sweets here.

Yeah. So you turned off the lights? No, I would never, I said I'd never, I'd never turn off the lights. I would go out full transparency in my dressing gown and be like,

I'm so sorry. We've nothing, but here's an IOU. Come back tomorrow. Or here's money. That's what I would do. Money is a good one. Yeah, I would never turn the lights off

because I remember as a child when you go to the houses and the lights are off, you're like, oh really? Yeah, we're playing that game. So Adam's taken ages. I'm panicking. He comes back in

with what he thinks is, he's like, thought he'd done a really good job. Now Adam lives in quite a big housing estate, but it's in an area where there's loads of houses

and in Ireland, we travel for shit. You know what I mean? If it's free suites, we're prepared to get a lift to the next estate and keep going. So I was,

hours are spent trick-or-treating in Ireland hours we're like busy doing maps the months before like pushing little ships around maps and stuff

being like alright then we're going to hit up Wyvern there's 26 houses there look at them they're loaded go there they just got a new car

yeah yeah yeah yeah they've had a pumpkin in the window for two weeks let's all go there like there's a strategy and a system in place

Alan I don't know where he was raised possibly Battersea I don't know how he understands how he like manages to live with you like no offense but like you're definitely not tidy and at least in my house you can find it to one room but like I don't have you all over the place

I'm tired Spenny has never gone trick or treating last night was his first night to go because like his parents are loaded

they probably just gave him sweets whenever he wanted or by the time his little legs were tired of walking by the time he reached the end of the estate it was the next day.

He's like, oh well. All I hate is the driveways were too long where he lived. He's like, I don't want to play with the staff again, mummy. I'm a chef, Spencer. No, you're the chef.

I'm Mary Poppins no you're the fucking nanny I've seen you every other day of the year I'm a pilot no you're the pilot

ahoy hoy captain oh there's the captain of our ship there's the pope now I'm the oh no he's

Protestant isn't he doesn't right there's the pope he I'm the Oh no he's Protestant Isn't he Doesn't he There's the Pope He comes to dinner All the time mummy Mummy darling The Archbishop of Canterbury Is here

Boo That's a good one To dress up as a bishop No Actually maybe not Who's the head Who's the head Of the Protestants?

The Archbishop of Canterbury. Oh, is that who he is? No, I think it's the king. What? I don't know. I might be making that up. Anyway, so Alan brings back this, if I'm being completely honest,

pathetic-sized bag of sweets. Oh, God. And I'm like, oh, dude, you've misread the situation completely, but maybe I'm wrong. like there's only a couple of houses in the estate I was like there's 13 30 30 houses but okay well mother of god we were like a soup kitchen I've never seen so many people come into the door gangs of them gangs of them 15 20 children it's great crack but like I obviously anyway whatever we ended up doing it together but I was mortified then because I could see what was happening I could see the trend that was coming and they're so cute, it ranged from really young kids, like four or five who were being sound

and agreed to get dressed up. And they'd be waddling back down the driveway with their wave and their little lollipop dressed as a pumpkin. Because they'd love to win the lottery. And then there's other kids who look like butter wouldn't melt. You're like, oh, there's some lollies.

And like, they take loads. And you're like, dude Dude I'm not going to say But then I learnt The strategy is You hold the bow Yeah You give them one each Or they take everything

And I was like We're running low Alan We're running low Like what are we going to do I was panicking And He was like Will we turn off the lights

And I said No we fucking won't I said there's a box Of Derry Lee Dunkers in there And there's some tennis balls Out the back And I've allowed a face sheet. We will make this work.

No child will leave here empty handed. Get your golf balls out and draw a little face on them because everyone's getting something. But when we were really running low, I said to one of them, I was like,

okay, look, we're really running low here. We've a couple of chuppa chups left. He wasn't really that interested and I said, would you do a trick instead? Because it's that. And he was like,

appalled. At least you didn't start hitting the fruit bowl though. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She usually got an orange and Titi got a banana. No, that's... A fucking banana.

No, that's trolling. They know what they're doing. It's rude actually. It's very rude. That's trolling. what you do is you go look we're running low and you come into the house

is there anything you'd like and then if they say I'd like that lamp or that really expensive painting you say yes you can have that because it's Halloween and I will not fail

Gigi and Titi went to the same amount of houses but as you were saying there like there was kind of no stopping them and Gigi came home nearly twice while Titi came home the same amount of houses but as you were saying there, there was kind of no stopping them and Gigi came home nearly twice while Titi came home

because she just kept taking stuff We were like, say trick or treat Gigi and she's just plucking them out saying nothing, they say trick or treating I was like, okay Trick or treating You greedy little witch My right, entitled

privilege, privilege, privilege You greedy little witch She's like My right Entitled Privilege Privilege Privilege Here's my entitlement bag Things I'm privileged to More for me The last person The last When we'd run out of everything

For trick or treating The doorbell rang And I said Anne you're just going to have to tell them We've got nothing left Like we're We're literally After giving away

The fucking light bulbs And we opened the door And there was this little girl on her own with her parents and everyone else had been in a gang. I know. And I was like, okay, look, we've got a packet of raw chicken breasts inside. There's some raw wasabi noodles here. Give her 50 euros.

Remember the last time Joanne tried to give a child money and he refused to take it like that's a weird child that's no he was gaslighting

me that child the party that I the children's party where I got the tuberculosis. I wanted to buy the child a present, of course. These things should be recognised.

Oh, really? What about Otto's birthday? Has it been his birthday recently? No, it has not. Yeah, I know. So we're still waiting on the April 18th gift. What did I tell you? When he's old enough to drag me into a toy shop with a gun to my head,

then he starts getting presents, which is what happened to me on Saturday with the child. Okay. How much did you spend? Well, I think I spent 70. Oh, don't go near the dinosaurs. They're the most expensive. No, fuck the dinosaurs. It was a Barbie jet

or something. So we go in and I'm like, like what would you like like there's no you know there's no limit here thinking I'm being really like you know really like what's your man's name you're thinking everything's a tenner I mean I think I'm being daddy war books I'm like whatever you want babe there's no financial limits here. They're strolling through, taking their time, as they should. And they're walking past these toys, picking up stuff. And I'm like, do you want that?

And they're like, oh, they'll kind of show it to me and tell me what it is. And then they'll say, oh, no, I don't want that. So I'm like, okay, no worries. They pick up this thing. I couldn't even tell you what it was because I went blind from shock and fear.

And they hold it up and they're like, and this is this. And I was like, oh yeah, okay. 800 euro. Was it Lego? Maybe. I honestly couldn't tell you. It was some big machine.

It was like a big, honestly, I'd have to ask Alan. I actually can't remember what it was. It was some huge build of something. And I was- It has to be Lego. Lego's the most expensive remember what it was. It was some huge build of something. And I was... It has to be Lego. Lego's the most expensive. But it was built...

It was like... It was already formed. Oh. And it was 800... 800 quid. That's the size... That's the price of... That's a fucking segue.

800 quid. My brother, right? We do Chris Kindle and he wanted... Spenny had him for Chris Kindle because obviously I tell everybody who got who secrets on time

I know I do I can't help it I want to know what to get I don't want to know what I'm getting it's more like discreet Santa but after a couple of drinks

everyone knows Santa in my opinion oh I don't yeah I don't even need a couple of drinks I literally as soon as I find out who I have

I ring her I'm like who'd you get and she'll try not tell me and I'm like tell me you get and she'll try not tell me and I'm like tell me tell me but my brother Spenny got him

and he was like I would like Spenny to put money towards this Lego set because his wife Emma is like Frederick you are not spending

800 quid on that fucking Starship Enterprise or whatever it's called and he buys this Lego and look look what he sent my family group

for Halloween that's my is he Darth Vader And he buys this Lego. And look, look what he sent my family group for Halloween. That's my, Is he Darth Vader? That is my 42 year old brother dressed up as, I don't know. Darth Vader? Darth Vader?

Darth, is it Darth Vader or Darth Vader? Do you know how much that lightsaber was? That was 400 quid. He's got two of them. I don't know anything about Darth Vader. All I know is he is the father of single men. That's all I know.

He's the father of Luke. Luke, I am your father. I've actually never really watched any Star Wars. Very absent father. He doesn't make much effort. My brother's obsessed. Look, this is his baby. His baby's not even one yet.

He's dressed up. What's his name? Yoda. Oh, that's baby Yoda. Baby Yoda. That's really cute. I know. He's a even one yet. He's dressed up as, what's his name? Yoda. Oh, that's baby Yoda. Baby Yoda. That's really cute. I know, he's a very cute baby. But I saw your Halloween costume.

I am raging. I saw it too late. You know that one where you could dress up as Joanne McNally? Oh, yes. Now, I was tagged in something. The Joanne McNally starter kit. Did anyone see that? Did you see it, Jo?

I did, yeah. I wanted that. I should have bought that. I made it myself. I've been trying to sell it now and wanted it. I think that's pretty amazing.

You were the jumpsuit, a pinot grigio, a microphone, chunky sandals. Yeah. Some African pills. Yeah, mysterious African pills.

Someone tagged me. It was, it really made me laugh. It was funny. It's absolutely fake. It was photoshopped. But I don't care. It made me. It was, it really made me laugh. It was funny. It's absolutely fake. It was photoshopped. But I don't care. It made me laugh.

Well, at least somebody went to the effort of photoshopping one for you. So I've gone to the effort of making my own one. Oh, hit us. Go on.

What have you got? I'd have to buy loads of those little babies. Remember the ones we were talking about on Amazon that you leave around the house? So I'd have to have hundreds of babies hanging off me.

A couple of dogs. A green puffer jacket. Or a puffer jacket in general. A pair of runners and fake tan. Does that describe me enough? No. Okay, fine. How would you dress me?

I'd have a child's head hanging out your vagina. I'd have a box. I'd have a vape in your hand Joanne I have not I am not a vaper anymore Oh Okay

Well I've run out of those African pills It doesn't matter It's a costume 50k Just hanging out your ass Crack Why is it all around

My genitals Well I haven't gotten To your mouth yet Okay what's coming out of the mouth? 50k You'd have little kettlebell earrings Oh god yeah Do you remember you used to go around with those leg weights

I was only telling someone about that the other day An act of uneducated desperation during lockdown Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. Do you remember you used to go around with those leg weights? I was only telling someone about that the other day. An act of uneducated desperation during lockdown. So I was listening to this radio show this morning and they were like, oh, we have a special guest. And it was a pre-record, thank God. He's a gamer who obviously works in who he's a he's a gamer who obviously works

in he kind of is big into AI and he says he's developed this AI that can hide the sound

of you when you're eating crisps on a microphone oh so I was like turn that shit up what's going on here because

one of me and Vogue's many unprofessional traits is that we both try and eat on mic and Jo has to virtually slap the food out of her hands. So I was thinking... It's really gross listening to people eat. Really gross. It's awful. Well, unless you're into ASMR.

Like, I find myself, I'm big into clean TikTok at the moment. Anyway, we'll get to that another day. My friend can't go to the cinema because she hates hearing people eating so much. Like, she hates them TikTok at the moment. Anyway, we'll get to that another day. My friend can't go to the cinema because she hates hearing people eating so much. Like she hates them digging in the bag. And like, I can't bear that either. There's a name for it. I don't like the loudy sounds,

but some of the sounds are quite comforting. Like I watch a lot of Asian women on TikTok when they come in and clean their cat and put their shoes in boxes and all, which I think I've spoken about before but I get I find that very soothing

I love when like carpet cleaners I love watching people get their carpets cleaned I just love it I just love watching someone empty a dishwasher what the fuck

and I won't do it myself I don't know what it is it's one of the worst jobs the dishwasher it's so boring Alan the other day when I came down with strep and was in was really committing to the role of being a patient the dishwasher it's so boring Alan the other day when I came down with strap

and was in was really committing to the role of being a patient and he was like look I'm nipping out would you mind emptying the

excuse me lift my hands he might as well ask you to change the sheets like for God's sake you can't do things like that when you're sick

he's like well I've washed all the clothes in the holiday I was like I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm on a drip upstairs. Empty the dishwasher. Do I just throw myself down the stairs, Alan? You don't understand how much pain I'm in.

So I was like, oh, my God, we're going to need this AI. And then, so then they're like, oh, here's the segment. So he does the before on the radio show. He's like, okay, this segment and they so he does the before on the radio show he's like okay this is me without the out the AI program and he's like

and everyone's like okay yeah cool and then he's like and this is me after and there's a bit of a delay and then straight away he just goes and we're like

what the fuck I thought it was a joke I thought it was like a punked thing and they're like oh yeah we can barely they just pretend

they had to they were like oh yeah we can barely hear it and then we're like you know bearing in mind you might sound

a bit like that but you know he's mic'd and we're in a studio and it's soundproof oh no I was like fail dude

fail no shade you didn't buy it no shade because we didn't invent it but you know fail no I was like Fail dude Fail No shade You didn't buy it No shade Because we didn't invent it But you know Fail No

Obviously no one invented it If it didn't even work You haven't invented it yet Do you Goodbye So true I was like Is that louder than before

I think it might be Are you eating more crisps Than the before Or Did you fill your mouth up more Do you remember Do you remember on that afternoon? You fucking kicked off on the second one.

Do you remember the afternoon show or something in Ireland? And basically there was this makeup artist going on to show off this black eyeliner. And she got so nervous that her hand was shaking everywhere. And she'd just drawn eyeliner everywhere I felt so bad for her I don't know why they showed it because she I know

well it was live Joanne they had to well everybody thank you very much for listening to my therapist ghosted me the main episode

and we finally got there with Halloween I feel we did it yeah I guess we just have to we just have to live it to experience it

and to that child that I gave a box of saltpateen and a raw chicken breast to for Halloween I apologise but we collapsed under the pressure

that's a nice gift very expensive I wanted the saltpates back to be honest I followed her home with my eyes