My Therapist Ghosted Me - Taxi Tunes, Coldsore Tablets & An Air Fryer

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

They're back! As you can imagine, there's so much to catch up on, so let's start with holidays, peach fuzz, air fryers, Pat's burner account, Ariana & Lizzo...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. We are back from our holidays and we're absolutely What are we, Joanne? We're delighted. We're absolutely. Of course we are. There's a dog and I'm trying to adopt a dog anyway and there's a dog through a guy that I know and the child's really allergic to

the dog, but then I don't know them. So I'm like can I borrow the dog for the weekend to make sure Winnie gets on with him and to make sure the kids get on with him his name is Bear so I'm going to change it to Pasto um oh yeah you can change a dog's name I think that's fine yeah Pasto or Gary I don't know there's a window I think you have about three years on a dog what age is he what age is Pasto he's he's Pasto is is he's one at Christmas he's a Christmas baby baby Nolik a Christmas puppy God love them yeah they don't understand what's required

I never thought about that that has just hit me you see I'm not I don't think like that I'm always like that's why I'm like I need to borrow the dog for the weekend to make sure that like he's not like an aggressive monster that's going to eat my children so that's why I'm going to take him for the weekend if anything's going to happen the chance are Gigi's going to swallow him hell and spit him out if that's going to eat my children. So that's why I'm going to take him for the weekend. If anything's going to happen,

the chance are Gigi's going to swallow him whole and spit him out. If anyone's going to eat anyone, it's going to be Gigi eating the dog. We have to pre-warn Gigi that people are coming over. Like even if Amber's coming over and she hasn't been here for a couple of weeks, the night before I'll be like, Gigi, Ambie Bambie is going to come and see you. Now! And I'm like, no, but Ambie's coming over. We're going to have a lovely time with her.

It's insane she's like that's what you do for like dictators and stuff you should like warn them or like in-laws mother-in-laws

elderly people who are really set in their ways who have post-traumatic stress from the war that's the kind of people that you have to build them up to visitors

not Gigi like she shouldn't have that much control in the house. In my humble opinion. I'll tell you who has the most control after being on holidays with kids. If that's what you could call it. So I've just come back from my holidays in Spain. And a holiday, if it includes getting up between half five and half six every morning. And not being able to sit down again until seven o'clock that night.

That is what my holiday was more like felt like a boot camp at times why? because like Theodore just wants to like I have to go

in the pool with him like nearly all day every day and then like we're walking around getting the kids to sleep one's asleep in the boogie you take the other boogie

you start walking them around and it's just full on I brought two books away with me. Two. Didn't read any. No. Could you not do like an annual raffle

and be like, okay kids, one of you is coming this year. Like an elf on the shelf thing, but like add in a holiday. I do think bringing three kids away at the same time is insane. Joanne, you and Spencer are honestly,

I swear to God, you're the same person that's what he has suggested that so many times and we were on with your friends from the East African experience and he's like

oh darling are we bringing the kids and I was like well it's kind of like the kids are obsessed with animals it's kind of for them and he's like

I'll go but Otto's not coming was he kicking was Otto kicking off was he well don't Vogue if this is an attempt to get me to row in

as his godmother you can forget about it no no no I'll do the odd FaceTime with him on a birthday I'm not going to mind him for an extended

period of time if that's what this is about you did you did say you were moving back to London and all I'm saying if you were around

between the end of June and start of July our house is empty and I'd love to have you stay no if the house is empty I'm saying if you were around between the end of June and start of July, our house is empty and we'd love to have you stay. No. If the house is empty, I'm around. But if Otto's in the house,

I'm not around. It's barely, it's barely full of Ottos in the house. It's like still kind of empty. He might be there. How independent is he these days? Like,

I'm not breastfeeding him, aren't I? What am I doing to him? No. Breastfeeding's, my auntie turned around to me because I was actually, I was holding him, rocking him to sleep and she was like, are no breastfeeding my auntie turned around to me because I was actually I was holding him

rocking him to sleep and she was like are you breastfeeding I was like no Gina Jesus I stopped that ages ago I wouldn't have a clue Joe was your Joe

you'd be the same you just don't know what stage they do you know what I mean you just don't know I'd be like I've probably done I've probably done

but you could tell me Gigi had her period I believe you I'm kidding not that well if she's my if she's my daughter she'll be a very late bloomer

I remember I got my period the day I got my period I was about 16 and I changed my pad about 20 times because I was just so excited I was like

gotta go change my pad again that is so cute and my mom was like, gotta go change my pad again. That is so cute. My mom was like, where are they all gone? I was like, I used them all. She's like, you don't need to do that like every five minutes. They're like the size of your tiny body, like a bobsleigh in between your legs. You're just like hitting the hills. Throwing the legs out in front of you sliding down the hills

of the house that's pretty much what I was saying Otto rules the roost now though he is kind of very similar to what I imagine

Gaddafi would have been like within the house yeah he he gets everything he wants he is just

in charge all of us he's in charge of all of us and he's just going around and he doesn't walk anymore he just runs everywhere so he just runs to different places and just snatches everything he wants off people and is obsessed with cans of Fanta if I take out a can of Fanta he is desperate to get to I just have to hide it I can't drink Fanta around him because obviously I can't give

him it I love the way you're whispering it like it's condoms you're like he's obsessed with condoms with condoms can you not just do that tough love thing that parents do and just like not bring him or whatever yeah I don't know

not with that monster no he's learned too much from you already well I think your I think your holiday looked fab and I watched it

slide by slide from my boudoir where I stayed for like it's by slide from my boudoir where I stayed for like it's my it's my longest

bed rot session yet because obviously I'm not working tell me yeah now Vogue control yourself but I would like

to spend a little bit of time talking about sleep I would sorry Vogue I have it in my notes here sleep and I actually have sleep question mark a little bit of time talking about sleep I would sorry about that I have it in my notes here sleep

and I actually have sleep question mark because I didn't know if I was going to go for it because I was going to see what kind of mood you were in

but I think I will go for it listen I'm always in the mood for sleep chat okay it's true yeah there's never a time I'm not in the mood for sleep chat

go right ahead go on take the mic well so shut off her mic I'm going to 20 minutes for sleep talk. Go right ahead, Joanne. Take the mic. So, shut off for a mic, Joanne. I've got 20 minutes. Honestly, I can't believe it.

I have had what I can only describe as a near-death experience. I slept so long. So, came back from Montreal and basically just dropped my suitcase in the hallway

and I would use the old kind of Victorian term, I took to the bed. I didn't just go to bed I took to it like I genuinely like Adam was coming up

at two o'clock in the day and I was still unconscious like he was like are you fucking dead what is going on and I would sleep for 12

14 hours at a time and I was taking nothing this was just natural sleep natural like I saw my grandparents at one stage like I'm pretty nothing. This was just natural sleep. Natural.

Like I saw my grandparents at one stage. Like I'm pretty sure I nearly died. Like I got bed sores. That's how long I was in the bed. I got bed sores. I needed to be turned. I just couldn't stop sleeping.

And I I sweated sweat? I sweated so much. The design for my pajamas leaked onto the sheets so it was all these like one night

there'd be seahorses all over the sheets the next day and the next day the little crabs and Alan's like what the fuck is going on I was like I don't know

so I found a job What were you doing in Montreal come on like barely working like went over as you know

was very when I got there, it's a long time since I've done a seven minute set. Have I discussed this on the pod? So I know you did a seven minute set. What do you mean? So the compilation shows in that, so it's seven minutes. So it's what I used to do before kind of, I started touring with Prosecco so you'd be so at the back of the day when I was doing it like you'd have that muscle it'd be like good to go you're like seven minutes you know you'd be able to do it but it's so long since I've done it now because I'm just like waffling away up there that I had to kind of relearn how to do seven minutes and then see a

couple of warm-up gigs then did the tv gala and then I did my own show which was really good there was only two Irish people there. That's not why it was good, but it was just nice. It was a nice, like, I was like, any Irish,

we need to, we need to go back. We need to go back a tiny bit because I don't understand why it was only seven minutes. Because it's a compilation show. So there's say maybe like 15 acts on it or 10 acts.

So I had one solo. I did Prosecco once there. So I had one night I did Prosecco. So the TV gala is seven minutes so you have to do seven and like if you go over or under obviously it's Canada so they're quite sound about it but also like it's quite rude you can't go over and you can't go under because it's TV timings which are like oh okay okay okay gg style ruling do you know what I mean so and you have to do seven but within that seven you have to have a start a middle and an end that makes sense and is funny and they get a sense of you so it's actually quite tough to do when you

haven't done it in a while so I had to relearn how to do it and like like I said you know a lot of them are French speaking so I had to slow down like this really slow there was only a couple Irish at my show which was fascinating to me because that's never happened and there there's only two Irish there but there's only three

in the audience but there was actually people there and only two two of them were Irish which was really cool and then and then yeah

then I came back and like I said I took to the bed and it was quite something that's bed. And it was quite something. That's kind of wild. It was quite something. I'd never like, it would take like, I'd have to do like a proper sleeping tablet.

I don't even think I'd get the 12 hours on like a full still not. Is that what they're called? Still not. Because I'm a Puritan girl. I took two panadol PM last night and I had to have three coffees when I got up this morning because I was so drowsy after over the counter I think because

you don't really dabble in that kind of thing you're you don't you're easily knocked out whereas I wouldn't be as easily knocked out

but genuinely like I took a couple of sleepers on the plane coming back from Montreal obviously a couple because I was going against the wind

or whatever I don't know well like one maybe two one and a half two I don't know oh my god like one maybe, two, one and a half, two, I don't know. Oh my God. They were in French.

How did you get off the plane? Like, did you get stretched up or did you actually walk? Je ne sais quoi, how many I took, okay? Oh look, her French came back to her. Flooding, floating back. Elle a sleeping tablet. To have the sleep very strong. Floating back Welcome back

Where's our table arounds? Where's our miniature chocolates? You little bitch Where's our magnets? Where's our postcards? Where's our hair wraps? She brought nothing I got you a magnet

I got you a magnet from Spain España Pink flowers rolling down a white roof Something where's our hair wraps she brought nothing I got you a magnet I got you a magnet from Spain España pink flowers rolling down a white roof something something of the moment anyway yeah that's what I've been doing

rotting away in bed staring at you twirling around in your bikinis I've had a great week twirling around in my bikinis I did have a great time on holidays I had to say

it was it was badly needed to go on holidays I I had to say it was, it was badly needed to go on holidays. I, I, I, um, what did I do?

Well, I actually, I came home with a sunbeard. I don't know if anyone's heard of them before, but I usually have my little, my little, it's meant to be like to trim your eyebrows kind of thing. But like I use it to get rid of the peach fuzz.

What's that thing called again? When you get rid of the peach fuzz what's that thing called again when you get um shaving yes I forgot to bring my shaving foam and razor away with me it's not nip into a barber like you usually do folks it's in one of those little cars in the window that they have in the barbers you know those car's job for kids. Facing out. Just, yeah. I just, I didn't have time to pop into the barber. So I came home and like, you know the way you get kind of, I get feral on holidays.

I didn't like dry my hair once. I barely put on makeup. And I got home and I was like, whoa. Like I could have like done an Abraham Lincoln and just like grabbed my face. So I came home and to say the peach fuzz came off and the difference it makes. Girls, if you haven't got rid of the peach fuzz,

I cannot tell you. Your skin looks, your makeup goes on. I realized my foundation was getting caught in my hairs on my face. Do you know the way you're like, I didn't have my makeup done once, whatever. So obviously I was looking at your,

I was obviously bad into the videos of the holiday. And you looked amazing. I've just realized what the key is. Because you don't sweat on your face. Yeah. Nothing ever moves. So your hair doesn't get sweaty. Your face doesn't get sweaty.

And I think that's the key I think it's the pumping sweat is what kind of throws me off on a holiday and throws everyone else off looking at me so anyway go on I hide I hide on holidays I try not to be in the sun because I just like I'm so allergic to getting old

that I just don't want to look old so I hide from the sun as much as I can but obviously with kids you can't fully hide Would you not just keep your face out? I try to I wear a hat I put the factor 50 on I wear a factor 50 every single day

all over my whole body and it's still like I still change colour which is nice I suppose but it just disappears straight away anyway I had my sunbeard but then but then

I'm not going to go into this too much because Jo you've heard it already I got really sick on holidays. So Gina, who was away with us, my auntie, got really sick for like four days. Spenny was hospitalized for two days because he's a little bitch and he can't handle it. Yeah. Yeah. Two days in hospital.

And then I got home and I was like, well, I'll tell you what. He overdosed on cold sore tablets you're not serious I am not joking I'm not joking I'm not he overdosed on cold sore tablets and his liver function because he did it for a full week taking 10 of these things because like he's like oh they're fine and he did it to me like when I thought I was when I thought I felt a tingle he's like darling take six of these and you'll be's like oh they're fine and he did it to me like when I thought I was when I thought I felt a tingle he's like darling take six of these

and you'll be fine you're meant to take two one day when you feel the tingle not ten in a day for a week in fairness

the man has no vices anymore let him get his kicks where he needs them and if it's if it's culls or tablets let's go do you know what I mean he's like

like serious but I think he was kind of slightly thrilled because he was in hospital and like Gina just went to the doctor and she was fine. I'm not so sure it was that. I think that he had what we all had.

Anyway, I got it when I got home and the worst thing about the holidays is I have still not unpacked my bag. I can't tell you the pain and upset it brings to me. My bag was here on Sunday

I feel sick I'm disgusted I haven't had time to do it I've been I don't know just sitting there rotting away I'm disgusted with myself

I just so I'm never going away again because I'm not risking that there's a little bit of judgment from me and Jo there Joanne your bags are still

are still packed from Australia when you went like six months ago. My bag's still packed from like my leaving cert holiday. There's just like 2001 juicy couture bikini in the bottom of the bag. Fuck it, I don't need those clothes anymore.

Just leave the bag closed. There's always a suitcase floating around in the Netherlands. There's one at the moment packed for me to fight and I packed it you know yourself and then we made up and it's still sitting there ah you have to no you have to let them know you're serious and if you don't pass the bag

I was like you said you're like looking at the gown say that again go on say that again no say it again no go on go on say it again oh right okay you said it again and then it's straight in going to my mom's get out of the way go go go yeah it was one of those so there's still packed there like an emergency case I'm just going to leave it at the door do you remember you used to do that when you were younger and you'd be like I'm running

away I'm running away and my mom would be like okay don't forget to pack a bag on the way out and I'd be like I'd go and sit in the woods, woods around the corner for about 20 minutes and then I'd come home. Yeah, I remember, I remember waddling up the alleyway up the top of my old housing estate with this clear, like plastic,

like a plastic kind of beach bag full of plates and forks that I was, that was what I'd packed to in a way, just a load of cutlery. Speaking of cutlery, I... Big news.

Big, big news. Is this your big news? This is... Guys, I have... I've got a really big announcement. I've been holding back. I haven't said a word about it. But...

And she's had this in the pipeline for a while and she kept it to herself. So I'm very proud of you. I've had this in the pipeline. I'm finally allowed to release the news and tell everybody that I have purchased an air fryer I have one I have his name is ninja the air fryer it's a ninja it was it was half price on Amazon I couldn't stop myself a lady that I know Sue she had a she had an air fryer in Spain and I said you know what Sue I've seen what you've done with that air fryer.

I'm getting an air fryer. She was doing Brussels sprouts in the air fryer. She was doing sausages in the air fryer. There's nothing you can't do in the air fryer. Not only did I get an air fryer, I got the accessories to go with it. Is this just natural enthusiasm? Or is there a swipe up code on the way? Well, Vogue, I'll tell you this now.

Vogue's been banging on about getting an air fryer for a while. And I, at the start, was very confused. Because someone like Vogue, you just don't think of air fryer when you think of Vogue. Do you know what I mean? It's like Madonna saying she shops in the middle of the island Aldi. It's just confusing. It's not really your world. Do you reckon it's not my world world I feel like it's exactly in

my world am I more I'm more of a pizza oven girl I suppose I just I just when I envision you in the kitchen I I just I just you picture a chef I wasn't gonna say but usually have you told Francoise that he's using the air fryer because you can't cook risotto in an air fryer Vogue that's for it's for goujons and spatchcock chickens so I don't know

where the fuck this air fryer is going to go are you going to keep it in your aga I'll tell you something right we've all had a form of air fryer in our life who didn't grow up

with a deep fryer that smell reminds me of childhood I had a working mom she was single my dad he wasn't dead yet he was still around but he just wasn't in her house I love the last ditch attempt and reliability there go on single without mother go on folk come on yeah no he wasn't dead he wasn't dead yet I actually do you know

for the first time I was telling this joke about Neil on my podcast with Sven so basically we were staying in their room when we were away in Spain

and Neil had like all this like shampoo and conditioner in the shower and I hadn't really questioned it and I was like oh crap

I've have to use Neil's shampoo and Sven was like well what the fuck why would he need he's bald why does he need shampoo and then he's bald why does he need shampoo and then I was thinking

why does he have shampoo but we did this video he has a hairbrush as well he has a hairbrush because he's got hair on the side we did a video and I posted the video

and my mum was like take that down now Neil would not be happy I was like oh Jesus I had to take it down anyway maybe he's just got

a really good imagination he just likes to be clean I mean everyone's head sweats I had to take it out. Anyway. Maybe he's just got a really good imagination. He just likes to be clean. I mean, everyone's head sweats. I'd probably wash my head. No one's going to be like, Neil, you're brushing the air there.

You're just like, Neil, if Neil's happy brushing the air, let him brush the air. Do you want me to plop it for you, Neil? We're going down to the beach to get a hair wrap, Neil. Do you want to come?

We all know how Joanne spawned of a bald man she loves a bald man he does brush it you've seen his hair he hasn't got a little he hasn't got like no hair well he doesn't really

have any hair I can't describe it anyway I had to pull the video down but back to the to my air fryer that I haven't used yet the video down but back to the to my air fryer that I haven't used yet I will use it

back to the main story yeah I love that it's so clean looking at the moment though you know I am about things being clean so like it's it brings me joy

when I see it sitting on the counter and I'm like I'll use you tomorrow I say that every day you'll be buying face sheets and pound land next

she's lost her she's lost her mind I don't need to do that Joanne do you know why because you come and stay the night and you've left

these amazing one one one skin face masks in the fridge I wondered where they went I love when she stays I always get a treat

of some kind Jo I got so I went up I really like these particular sheet of some kind Jo I got so I went up I really like these particular sheet masks I love a sheet mask so I went up

I was like oh there they are the brand went up do do do handed them to counter he was like that's a hundred euro please and I went

I was like excuse me but I couldn't back I was like I have to I have to go through with it now I couldn't back out. 100 quid.

I was like, I'd buy a Morpheus machine for that. Are you insane? Now, what I will say is like sometimes those things just really work. Like Kieron. They are good. They are good. They are good. There's ones, what are they called?

Clarity Lab. And they're, I think they're around 30 euro. But I swear to God, I'll give you one because Ciarán sent me them because I'm too cheap to buy them. They honestly really work. Who's coming in there now? Spanish.

It's here with his little riding boots. Off he goes with his little boots. He wears those riding boots everywhere. We were going to a party and he was trying to wear the riding boots to the party and I was like, you're not wearing the riding boots. Because he thinks he is

so cool in his riding boots and he just wants to wear them around everywhere do you know what i was thinking so like air fryer feels i don't know look sure look we look forward to hearing how you get on with us i now can imagine a future where like because i rely heavily on the microwave and the toaster i'd get away with an air fryer now not a bother i would say you're more of a deep fat fryer girl myself I grew up with one you can literally throw like my mum was so like

knee deep in kids she used to fling the bolognese in there just everything would go in the deep fat fryer and come out there's broccoli deep fat fryer out my mum used to she got rid of it

because she said it was very hard to clean it was probably where my dad went as well she said it was hard to clean she's like I'm not cleaning it so she got rid of it well there's a thing about like, you're not meant to throw oil down the sink. So you're just left with this big vat of oil.

And what do you do? Like, where does it go? You have to put it in the bag and then put it in the bin. Air fryers are the future. I'm telling you, ovens are going to become landlines. And when we're older, we're going to be saying to the generation below us, oh, in my day, the oven was stapled to the wall.

And they'll be like, ah. Now, in my day, the oven was stapled to the wall and they'd be like, ah ha ha ha. Now, what I will say about that is, do you remember the spiralizers? Do you remember a spiralizer? You were having courgetti instead of pasta. There's one of the bit in my car

that my mum tried to get rid of a couple of weeks ago. Nobody, no one wants courgetti instead of spaghetti. I was on that train for so long. They're so annoying. I was on the courgetti instead of spaghetti. I was on that train for so long. And they're so annoying. I was on the courgetti train for quite a while as well.

Speaking of my mother, if I may. I'd love to hear about Pat. So Pat, and I'm whispering because she's in the room next to her. So I'm trying to smoke my mother out. I'm trying to get her to admit

she has a burner account, which she's just denying to the ground. Because she brought up something about Vogue's holiday, but it was something in Vogue's stories. I said, how do you know that? And she kind of looked really, and she goes, oh, Jesus,

I don't know where I get half my information. And then kind of walked off. But it was very clear to me she'd made a faux pas. I'm so happy she follows me oh yeah she does I mean Pat McNally's her name

she's probably called Mac Mac Patchett or something it's probably like Pat's Pizza Oven probably yeah Pat the Pizza Party

yeah Pat's Pizza Party tell her I'm disappointed I haven't gotten an invite to the party ever I know I won't go but like I'd like to be invited yeah no you won't go

you'll get one of course anyway so I started so there was an invite to the party ever I know I won't go but like I'd like to be invited you'll get one of course anyway so I started so there was an article during the week that said there's this research done that basically

the more time you spend with your mother the longer she'll live so I was like she'll hate this now so I re-shared and I went oh just read this

and my mum's left immediately nothing now she'd hate that because she doesn't like to be spoken badly of she likes to be even in the comedy she doesn't like to be spoken badly of she likes to be even in the comedy she's like

you should be speaking well of me like you shouldn't be slagging me off but I'm going to start doing just I don't know videos like Pam McNally started the famine

why don't you do like oh I think my mom is stealing from me and see if she's that's it that's actually a really good one I was going to say

oh I've just stolen from my mum but actually accusing my mum of stealing from me it's way better something really crap as well

yeah yeah my mum stole my lip balm or something like that yeah oh another mascara gone

what a coincidence yeah go to Pat's house my makeup bag's half full I watched you sing really dark like my mother killed fungi something just really like

drag her into the shit anyway that's the latest can I just I know you just brought up fungi but a taxi driver was talking to me about fungi this English taxi driver

and he told me fungi's dead but I thought they got a new Fungi and just chucked it in and said it was Fungi. Every time you mention Fungi, you've got to tell the English people who Fungi is. Oh, Fungi's a dolphin. That's all that it needs. Joe, Fungi's famous. Everyone knows who Fungi is, even English people.

Oh, I get it. He's global, Joe. Do you know what? Speaking of taxi drivers. Yeah. I was getting a taxi in from Enniskerry to Dublin City the other day. he's global Joe do you know what speaking of taxi drivers yeah I was getting a taxi in from Enniscarry to Dublin City

the other day 45 minute drive door to door yeah get in the taxi picks me up really nice really nice man

and he says so listen like what music do you want to put on I can put on anything I've got Spotify you just choose the album and I was like

oh my god the fucking pressure of this you know I'm not musical what did you ask for so I absolutely panicked and I've just been in the gym so I was like I can't like I can't ask him to put on like hot girl squat 2002 album I was like I can't like I can't do anything embarrassing because that was always in my head like or faithless or something because

it was like the middle of the day and he needed something that fit the occasion which was a a gentle drive into the city so I was like oh will he 80s something like

80s 80s power ballads and he was like okay I wish I'd never asked I absolutely and the judgment in that man's eyes. So we just

drove slowly into town like we'd just broken up. Well, it was like we'd just broken up and we were just driving slowly in. Like he was dropping me back to my mum's after an awkward breakup. And then, of course, I got out of the car and I was like three drinks into my lunch and I was like, Florence

in the machine! and I was like three drinks into my lunch and I was like Florence and the Machine What have you have you knocked over that ring light again? Yeah ring light's gone

That would be my dream to get to choose my own music but I'd choose like rapper grimes and no one ever asks me I'm never allowed to play

my own music ever But he wouldn't know he'd be like oh she's really cool we played rap music into town. I picked up Joanne McNally and she asked me

to play power ballads. Like that's not great. He wouldn't be, he didn't seem like a Prosecco girl to be honest. He was his own.

That's not great for the street cred. It's not great for the street cred. 80s power ballads. And of course, all the names three hours into the night I was like fucking

Alanis Morissette you want Alanis Morissette you could have said Alanis Oh Alanis Morissette with that album Jagged Little Pill that was a great album I went to a music festival now I only went for three hours because I was working on it so I flew in and I went for three hours

all together now looks like a great festival I have to say but like a few guys came up to me and they were like, oh, can I get a picture for my mum? They all said for my, and I was like, okay, I rang Dr. Ewan immediately after leaving the festival.

And I said, I need to come into you this Sunday, right now, hook me up. There's clearly too much movement in my face what the hell it's time for the transplant it's time

for my mum for my mum now was it men was it men coming up to you I mean they looked like they were like 27 or something to me but like I'm not too old for 27 year olds

come on I think they were nagging you if I wanted to play with a 27 come on I think they were 27 year olds I think they were nagging you they seemed like nice pleasant boys I don't think they were trying to be rude but I just thought now that's a bit unfair to me now I feel like I'm 40

million years old when you're looking at someone going like I thought we were on a level like I thought we were the same generation and then they're like oh my you know, my granny's a huge fan. When you're looking at someone going,

oh, look at him, look at him, he fancies me, he fancies me. No, he doesn't. He wants a picture

for his mother. Well, maybe the mum had him when she was really, maybe it was when, maybe it was a teen pregnancy. Maybe it was, she was going out

with someone from the shopping centre, got pregnant behind a shed. Maybe it's one of those stories. And there's actually only maybe there's only three years between him and his mum. Maybe it's one of those situations.

That's the way I'd look at it. Quite possibly. I think, right, if I was single, I think because I see some people are breaking up with people and they're going out with people that are way younger

and I think, you know what? Give it a go. Why not? A hundred percent. Not too young where they have no conversational skills. I know. I know you hate me talking about Leonardo DiCaprio, but I'm talking about him, right?

I am. He's in the Daily Mail four times a day and I'm talking about it. I want to be one of the girls on the boat. Okay? All these girls on the boat, they're getting taken around on a yacht and then they're going for lunch. I want to do that.

I want to go for lunch. Like, shit, I'll take you for lunch. And then I won't ride you in the dark silently while I listen to music on my AirPods. Allegedly. Joanne, I don't want to go down to Sutton Dinghy Club and get in an oppie with you

and just be brought for like a carvery. That's not what I'm talking about. Okay? I want to be on a super yacht with Leonardo DiCaprio being brought to Lagerice in France.

Consider the invitation on my canoe, Renate. I can buy my own kayak, right? I was going gonna paddle you out to Dorky Hill and take you for a couple of cans of hard seltzer

but you can go fuck yourself now fine fuck you I'm off to France you can go fuck yourself I'm too old I tell you what

they'd all be getting pictures for their mom on that boat that's all I'd get can I have a picture for my mom and do you think Leo has ever said to one of the women

that he is in a rare situationship with do you think Leo has ever said to one of the women that he is in a situation with, do you think he's ever gone, how are you? How was your day? How are your parents? How's work going for you? No. He's like, bend over.

I'm going to listen to the opera. You're going to take it. Okay, Leo. Fucking hands up. I'm good to go. It was actually, it was me. It was me, but I signed an NDA. Do you see it? Like, isn't it like, but I signed an NDA do you see it like

isn't it like I actually I would like to point out that I don't really I would rather be on an oppie which you aren't that's the truth of it I would rather be on an oppie

which you aren't sorry I need to ask because I don't think Joanne knows either what's an oppie an optimist isn't that the boat an oppie

you call it an oppie I don't know I've never heard of that no have I made that up an oppie optimist boat I thought it was've never heard of that. No. Have I made that up? An oppie. Optimist boat. I thought it was called that. The first boat you try a start on.

Maybe I'm wrong. Mate, you're absolutely right. I've just Googled it, but I've literally never heard it before. Obviously, because I'm from Hoth and we all try a little bit of sailing when we start our lives. And I got chucked on one of those oppies and you're basically on the boat on your own. And your man came over and thought it'd be funny to capsize me and I thought, right, that's my sailing career over.

I'm not interested in that. I don't want to be like capsized into the Irish Sea with seals floating around everywhere. I remember being down to Learie Pier one day. It was a very choppy day. It was a couple of years ago and there was a kid's sailing club on

and I swear these kids were in what can only be described as basins that's what they're like that is but now certain things and I understand being blown around inside the beer like I was like Jesus that's an oppie basically I understand it now as a parent first of all I'd like to point out I don't really want to be on that yacht by the way did I say that did I say that enough that I don't want to be on the yacht I just find it fascinating that like I see it in the Daily Mail

like five or six times a day and it does fascinate me I'd love to know I'd love to be a fly on the wall on the yacht basically and see what they get up to anyway a fly on the wall getting bent over by Lena sorry getting your wings spread open your little glass wings spread open Okay babe

Sure Pick me, pick me Pick me He pulls off one of your wings. You're like, Anyway, enough about that. What was I saying? Oh yeah, as a mom,

I understand why my parents would have tried to send me to a sailing club because it wastes like six hours of the day. So like you're always trying to get them into like a camp

or something so that they're gone for a larger portion of the day. They don't need the armbands I have dinner plans just make it as dangerous

as possible keep them for as long and stop with this life jacket he's Grant he can swim out of the water tomorrow

yeah swim home tomorrow he's Grant. Can't cook foie gras in an air fryer, Vogue. Don't know what you're going to do. It does. It cracks a fantastic oyster, I'll tell you that much.

Joanne, I've made a plan for us. saw this thing online there are seven girlfriends and they decided to spend the rest of their lives together and they bought a house for 580 grand and they all lived there together forever for the rest of their lives so I thought you me Amber Mago perfect I have to say I'm reading a lot about this kind of new well I suppose what would you say retirement plan it's not even a retirement plan because we would still be working where we're going back to kind of village life where you bring your village with you rather than settling down with one other person who you're in a sexual relationship with and then slowly watching that fall apart and then going back

to dating when you're in your 50s and all that jazz it's a much easier way sack all that off it's such a nice idea like set up shop with your mates in an estate

a house you'd have a great time you'd have a great time there's a millionaire in Cork supposedly who is building like this little estate of houses for his family and his friends so they're all gonna live in this estate of houses and they're all just like like that is my dream so if you want to get away like

you like you like your quiet time you could go to your to your own house but we're still in the same estate i always had this idea right because I'm so scared of dying as everyone knows I thought that if I died right by a cottage down the country and then you basically I might have said it

on the podcast I'd go and like let's say I died first I'd go touch wood because I hope I don't die first touch wood

so I so Joanne someone has to take the short straw and it's not going to be me it's going to be Joe his health's not good

Vogue look at his face he's so flushed all the time I agree Joe I agree so anyway

let's say okay for instance let's say I die first which I won't I will get brought down to this cottage that I bought and let's say

you just prop me up on a sofa and I'll sit there and like it will be like I'm watching TV but I bought and let's say you just prop me up on a sofa and I'll sit there and like it will be like I'm watching TV but I'm just sitting there and then when you die

instead of getting buried someone just drops you down and then you sit in the cage beside me and we can shoot like a tomb like a tomb yeah I do

I do when I was when I was single and kind of because obviously you'll go in with I guess well the kids and Spencer I'm guessing he's going to be taking like those I was single and kind of, because obviously you'll go in with, I guess,

well, the kids and Spencer, I'm guessing. He's going to be taking like those cold sore tablets till the day he dies. He's on the way out. He hasn't got long left. So he'll go first. He'll go in first,

head first into the tomb, which I'm guessing you'll have one of those kind of huge over the ground tombs, like a family tomb thing. Thank you. Yeah. I'll just roll in on top of my dad and say in Shangana, huge over the ground tombs like a family tomb thing thank you yeah I'll just roll in on top of my dad

it's in Shangana no fanfare discreet low key just dumped in chic no coffin bad for the environment

yeah like a wicker basket Joanne in a wicker basket yeah but I want to be flown to Australia so just get the last air miles in because if I'm like look if I'm not wasting

on a wooden wooden coffin I want to be flown to Australia. So just get the last air miles in. Because if I'm like, look, if I'm not wasting on a wooden coffin, I want to get something. It's like sprinkle me into the ocean. While we've been away, you've been on holidays, I've been comatose. Sweating in bed. Sweating in bed. A lot going on. A lot going on.

What do you mean, a lot going on. What do you mean a lot going on? In the world. A lot going on. Ariana Grande had an affair with her brother. Did you see all that? What? What? Sorry, what? Ariana Grande has set up shop with, what's his name Jo? Will you Google it there? Her brother. What do you mean her brother?

It's not her brother. I mean I would have probably opened the pod with that if that was the case some guy in Wicked and she she'd spill up with your man

the husband started doing this musical Wicked or filming it or something I don't know what the fuck's going on you know I only take in tidbits and she's set up

she's having a relationship with this guy who's the lead in Wicked but he's the lead in Wicked. But he's the spits of her brother. And what's his name, Jo? Ethan Slater.

There's not that much on that story. There's only little bits and bobs because, well, there was that written about that they used to go on double dates with like his husband, his wife and her husband and they'd all go on double dates together

while they were supposedly having their own private dates as well. I don't know. I just feel like, I just feel like, I just don't imagine particularly being in the public eye that you would be so silly

to do something like that. What do you reckon? Oh, come on. Yeah. I always like to see the good in people. She's split from her husband and he's not going to turn down Ariana Grande I know that sounds so shallow but

he's not he's just a normal dude from what I know the thing that I thought was so interesting about it was Ariana's taste in men like I don't know where she's going to go next like none of them have they don't look anything similar they have nothing in common

it's like Pete Davidson to this guy, this wicked dude who's like doing the splits on stage and tartan pants. The whole thing is mind boggling. She does have a different,

yeah, I know. She doesn't have an exact style. She goes, I think everybody would fancy Pete Davidson when they meet him. I just get that vibe of him. That he'd be really funny and he'd just fancy him.

A hundred percent. And I think with Ariana, I think she fancies people she spends time with because she probably doesn't get to spend time with people that much so when she gets to know

someone she kind of falls for them I'd say that's the vibe but he's not her actual brother but mother of god they're the bulb

as we'd say next up I know we're not doing a deep dive on it but Liz out oh I don't even know like what to say we're gonna say nothing

we're gonna say nothing we don't really we've actually spoken about this and we thought about doing a deep dive on it but then we were just so confused like everybody else is very confused but like the thing about it is I thought of that thing do you know that I know do you know that thing de moi so she was doing something and supposedly she got mails like,

like a year ago off somebody saying that all those things that people are saying about Lizzo that she'd worked with her. But so many people have come out now and said it, that it's kind of, it's, it's going to be a tough one for her to kind of get out of, I would say. It's interesting.

I've a lot, I've a lot, I've, do you know what? I have opinions on it, but I'm going to save them and see how it plays out because you don't want to be that person who jumps the gun

and either defends or pisses on someone when they're down and then you don't know what's going to happen. What it did make me think was that time that we forced Joe to eat a grape

out of a woman's vagina and he never said anything about it and we're grateful now. Thanks for being sound Jo remember we went for that one Christmas party and we went

we went to that that was shite guys we gotta do a better job that was terrible we went home at like 10 that was the night

that he ate the grape or was that a different different night I thought he was quite vicious okay people I thought he was quite Okay People Buying blue ticks on Instagram

How do we feel about it? I think this is more controversial Than talking about Lizzo That's my godson's truth Okay all I'm going to say is They made 660 million dollars On the first day They sold 44 million

Blue ticks on the first day it was like when elon yeah elon musk made people pay for their blue tick on twitter and i was like i actually just don't care enough to want to pay for a blue tick i do know some people who have and i actually thought about buying megan megan one of my best friends i was like, I'll buy her a blue tick on Twitter just because it'd be so embarrassing and there'd be nothing she could do about it because you just keep paying for it and it would be like in Hoth

oh Megan's after buying herself a blue tick on Instagram, that's so embarrassing I think that we should all be the same and non, well I suppose the blue ticks were, they were originally for so people couldn't impersonate you but I think that we should all be the same and non well I suppose the blue ticks were they were originally for so people couldn't impersonate you but I think people can kind of impersonate you anyway

no? yeah with the AI and all the blue ticks the least you're worried with the deep fake porn scene the AI I'm sorry I'm terrified of that

I saw a picture an AI generated picture of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg kissing each other and it looked so realistic and it's like oh my god the shit that like an AI generated picture of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg kissing each other. And it looked so realistic. And it's like, oh my God, the shit that like, I'm worried about my deep fake porn.

At least I don't really look that real. Except that one that was real. You know, yours, yours isn't. The five dick one real. That's it for this week. I've been Joanne McNally. She's been Val Williams. We'll see you soon.

Thanks for listening. Bye.