My Therapist Ghosted Me - Towels, Fit Girl Summer & The Flicking App

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

This week: Joanne has towels, a shoutout to Victoria Beckham, the flight that drank the plane dry and preparing for a fit girl summer. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosts and Me with Me, Mo Gwilliams and Joanne McNally. I love your necklace. I, okay, like. I love it. It's like if I could be a dog. It's Tilly, it's Tilly. Tilly Seavass.

Tilly Seavass. Yeah. She's got amazing stuff. Oh my God, it's so chunky. I just, I once found a little thing that went on a handbag. Remember that? And we started wearing it as a necklace. I didn't realise it was a handle.

I didn't realise it was a handbag handle. I just thought it was a necklace. It was the size, it was, it was bigger than a bike chain. It weighed you down. I loved it. Yeah. But I have, I used to wear much bigger jewellery. I have kind of reduced because it was getting a bit ridiculous.

Remember the big Joanne I got made? Do you remember this?wellery I have kind of reduced because it was getting a bit ridiculous remember the big Joanne I got made do you remember this this huge big gold oh everyone was getting them made plastic Joanne yeah no it's nice having your little name tag

this was like it was the size of what was it a pint of milk yeah yeah yeah but she's got gorgeous I'm building myself up she's got some gorgeous

silver chunky things oh I know I'm trying to are you trying to go silver a bit well I'd mix it up but I'm going to see if she has clarinet because I just I know I'm oh I know I'm trying to are you trying to go silver a bit well I'd mix it up but I'm going to see if she has clarina because I just

don't know if I can part again do you know like you know did you see her with the so Kylie Jenner

wore her bracelets and they're these silver chunky bracelets but before I knew they were hers I saw Kylie Jenner wearing them

and in my mind I thought I want to be as rich as Kylie Jenner so I can have things like that. And then I found out they were Tilly Sivas. And although they're expensive, they're not like Kylie Jenner expensive. No, they're not Kylie Jenner expensive. But I will clarn it if I'm going to get five. Because you need five.

You need the stack. You need the whole thing. And we're clarning that. But like I did. I did because she gifted me this because she very kindly was like, can I gift you something? And of course, I took the biggest thing on the on the website, not out of greed. It was just my favorite thing. Yeah.

But and then I did tag her in it when I did. There was a photo of me down in Birmingham. And I did tag her. And I was like, I'm sure she's thrilled considering she's quite busy now with Kylie Jenner. I was like, you're welcome, Tilly. Did she even do it? Did she even harsh your tag or not? I think she just put a vomit face

underneath it she was like yeah thanks Joanne thanks for the sorry you can hear me rustling in my makeup bag here I had a big weekend

and as you know I love getting filmed and so I'm trying to see if I need to powder or do anything filmed filmed

I love getting filmed I had a big weekend it was I had four days of wine and crisps with very little else so that's why I'm wearing this kind of muumuu thing Films I love getting But on a big weekend It was I had four days Of wine And crisps With very little else So that's why I'm wearing

This kind of Miu Miu thing And I'm looking to see Do I need to Do I need to fix anything No I always Are you sure When you think you look shite You don't actually look shite

You're quite hard on yourself Are you saying that When I think I look great I don't That sounded like You were going to spin Well when you think you look great No you do look great

When you look great Like when you have like People in doing your hair and makeup like everyone looks great yeah I do I think because I'm so lazy with my look do you see what she's doing

with her powder brush Jimmo is my face the same colour as my neck because that's never been anything I've been able to achieve yeah she's she's actually saying she's not quite sure

I do you know what I do you know what I actually need what apart from a new soundbile and some sage. I need someone to actually tell me what foundation actually matches my face.

Well, I am sick to death. You need two. You need one for your tan days and you need one for your not tan days. Well, I don't. I don't. You don't? I've gone so lazy.

Now, you do look a bit pasty. Do you know what we're going to do for you today? Because you feel, you feel crap. You're going to go home. You're going to put loads of tan on, put a treatment in your hair. I thought you were going to say you were going to put on for me. I was like, that'd be great. No, I'm not doing that.

That's how we started out together. This isn't self-care if I have to do it. I need someone to do it for me. I need to be laid out and painted. Like a French woman. Paint me like one of your French women, Vogue. So I'm back from Dubai and I don't know if it was Dubai or not

but I got an email asking me if I wanted a hair transplant. Someone got on to me. I don't know what's going on. I was like, and I started checking my airline and I was like, well I started taking Svenny's finesse ride or something. Like, what's going on here? like and I started checking my airline and I was like well I started taking Svenny's finesse ride or something

like what's going on here hold on a second now are you sure because are you sure it isn't one of those companies that are like hello angel we'd love to help you

build your profile we think you'd be a great come to Turkey or was it did they actually know you were they like hi Vogue we're fans of you

didn't even call me Vuge they called me by my real name a UK based company asked me if I wanted a hair transplant and I still haven't Hi Vogue, we're fans of you. Didn't even call me Vuge, they called me by my real name. A UK based company asked me if I wanted a hair transplant. And I still haven't quite figured it out. And I basically get a hair transplant like every eight weeks off Hadley. He puts extensions in my hair. Not now because my hair is short.

Look how short I am. Yeah, it's very short now. I really like it. Oh, okay. You said that in a way like, oh God, yeah. No, I think it's really, I think it looks, it really suits you. I mean, it is my haircut, that in a way like oh god yeah no I think it's really I think it looks it really suits you I mean it is my haircut but you can have it

excuse me your hair's really long I own Bob's you've got long hair compared to me how could you even get a hair transplant because you'd have to have

some hair somewhere else on your body and you don't you're lasered like me so there's nothing to even transplant I'm lasered or I'm really light

fuzzed oh that'd look great in your hair wouldn't it yeah a little bit of a light fuzz on the top. Gigi's really taking to her hair again. Pubes for a fringe. How would they possibly give you a transplant? Pubes.

I hate that word. I know, it's disgusting. It's so disgusting. I know, I'm sorry. It just reminds me of wire. Yeah, it's disgusting. Wiry, disgusting. It just reminds me of when you live with men

and there's just like pubes on the wall, like pieces of art. They're just hanging off the wall everywhere. You're like, Why are you disgusting? It just reminds me of when you live with men and there's just like pubes on the wall, like pieces of art, they're just hanging off the wall everywhere. You're like, what did you do? Did you hang upside down like a rat and shave yourself? They shed like the dogs. Like, you know, you've been in our house, Benny just like, it's like he goes around

just spraying them everywhere like a fertilizer. I'm like, put your pants on! You're like, where did you get your hair going from? Why is there hair everywhere he made me feel so physically sick this week and I have to stop saying it to him we have sauna time

we got the sauna we have our sauna time who doesn't who doesn't have a bit of sauna time but when I get in the sauna I don't want anyone to touch me nobody is near me in the sauna because everyone is really sweaty in the sauna just. But when I get in the sauna, I don't want anyone to touch me. Nobody is near me in the sauna because everyone's really sweaty in the sauna. Just stick to your own lane in the sauna. And so I'm in there with them, right?

And I got back in the sauna because I take a break after 10 minutes because I can't handle it. And I got back in and I was like, what the fuck is that smell? And frying on the sauna rocks, Spenny had spat on the sauna rocks. And this is a very small sauna.

It's a two-person sauna. And I'm sitting there in the sizzling spit. The stench is getting worse and worse. And do you know what he said to me? He said, all men spit in the sauna. And I was like, no, they don't. He was like, are you stupid? All men spit in the sauna.

And I was like, okay, okay. I had to get out of the sauna. He ruined sauna time because I couldn't bear the stench. It was like... What had he eaten? bear the stench. It was like... What had he eaten? I don't know. It was like rotten old breath. It smelled like he was really thirsty.

Oh, God. And I went straight down to Alzo and I was like, I need to know. Like, I know that I'm right, but I need to be sure. Like, when I ring you sometimes to make sure that I'm right.

Of course. And then he rings me two seconds later and I tell him he's right also. Yes. I'm nothing if not diplomatic I was like no nobody spits in the sauna

actually I've been in loads of saunas and Spenny's like well every sauna I've been in he's like you know when someone just doubles down

and it's like you're lying about it just apologise for spitting on the rocks I mean it's a weird it's a weird thing to double down on and make out that

you're the strange one I thought you were going to say when you were saying he fried I honestly thought you were going to say like you were saying he fried I honestly thought you were going to say like an egg or something

which I was like that would have been very strange that would have been nicer a nicer scent between this and the hair you need to get your own place this has gone on long enough

I was only talking I was saying today I was like because Benny's announced his big run that he's doing he's doing 30 marathons in 30 days for charity in the desert in

Jordan on sand and I was only saying to myself and Amber I was like god he'll be away for 40 days the place will be spotless for what's I did see that weird giant run that he's doing which kind of feels like a suicide attempt to me I'm a bit worried about it I'm like I hope your affairs are in order as in I hope everything is directed towards me like have you have you sorted that out? And she was like, yes, all my affairs. Everyone knows what to do if I die and the affairs come out. Don't tell her! Everyone's being briefed on the protocol. There'd be nothing

worse if you died and people started finding out mad stuff about you. Well, I know people like that who they died and people started finding out mad stuff about you well I know people like that who they died and then they found there was one there was one woman whose husband died and then she

when she went onto his laptop she found all these kind of like inappropriate child imagery yeah oh my god

I know and she was like what oh my god you couldn't love somebody after that and there was another woman and she found out

she found a box with like all these phones in it sorry no her husband died I think this was a TikTok thing and she accessed

his laptop and all these fares and DMing and he put it all on the folder and she found it all she's like

how do you how do you kind of bring yourself like how do you process that because you're like I didn't even know this person. And I'm grieving this person that isn't the person I thought they were. And can I even grieve them now? I found out after being with somebody that they cheated on me.

And like, and for a brief second, you're like, God, I'm a fucking idiot. And then you have to be like, actually, no, that's not my fault that I didn't know. Like, you wouldn't expect somebody to be doing that. Like, I was once asleep in my house in our house who I was with at the time and we were in an apartment and we were living next door to somebody else that like he used to

have parties sometimes and my partner went into the next door house slept with someone else and then came home and I never knew about it and the girl mailed me like she only mailed me about like four years ago and I was like

I remember this oh my god yeah that is dirty little bitch that is low and also you're like why she's not the dirty little bitch

by the way I was talking about him being the dirty little bitch of course I wouldn't really to be honest I wouldn't really blame her at all no but also

why bother mailing like why bother mailing so long after the fact I know well it's for you it's for your own like feeling better yeah she's kind of like

I need to make amends here I need to kind of get this off my chest but sometimes I think stuff is just better kept on the chest if time has passed and everyone's kind of moved on

I don't see the point of poking the bear but I found out after I went out with someone that he cheated on me and what I was so found so hard

was like, where do I put this rage? Because we're not together anymore. It's not like I can ring him up and go through him. We're not speaking now. So you just have to kind of suck it up. The rage has to go somewhere though. You're trying to fight the urge to send out a very chirpy DM

being like, I know what you did. I know now. All those ideas I had, kind of chirpy DM being like, I know what you did. I know now. All those ideas I had, all those suspicions I had. Yeah. I've just been told I was dead right, but now we don't speak anymore. So I can't say, I knew it. I can't say it. I told you so.

Yeah. Hopefully he listens to this. I'm sure he does. On the way to Dubai I watched a show and it was purely for the purpose of this pod because I wanted to see

what it was like Was it Taskmaster by any chance? Have you bothered your mouth? I haven't caught up with Taskmaster yet You haven't caught up you haven't started it

Okay listen Joanne I've just finished Baby Ranger which I'll get on to in a minute but the show that I watched I'm not actually in that but anyway The show that I watched on the flight

was the Stallones Sylvester Stallone has it remember we spoke about it on the pod ages ago we were saying that they were going to come out

with a reality show well it's out we missed it and I saw it on the flight and I was like I'm going to watch the first episode I was really enjoying it

at the start Al Pacino was in it Al Pacino wow why yeah they were out for out for start. Al Pacino was in it. Al Pacino. Whoa. Why? Yeah, they were out for coffee and Al Pacino joined it. We forget how big that...

So this is kind of like the House Husbands of Beverly Hills of LA. It's kind of like Hollywood LA men all whining and dining together. I'd watch that. Although, what do they talk about? Well...

No offence, but they don't really... They don't have good tea from my experience you kind of want to watch what the kids are doing it's like that show

Beverly Hills Housewives but you know the spin off from that and you're watching what the kids are doing in the office where they're selling stuff someone tell me about it

anyway so I was watching the Stallone thing and then all of a sudden the daughter like he doesn't like to meet any of the daughter's boyfriends

but she's been with this guy for like four or five months and she's like we're going to play a trick on dad and they basically made his birthday cake because they always make him a cake and pretended that he was going to be a grandad and that she was pregnant with a boy and like

they had this whole thing and then they're at this dinner and they just announce it and I was like this is the weirdest shit ever and I actually couldn't watch it after that because I was like I just think that's such an odd thing to do I think any kind of pregnancy bullshit announcement like that it really weirds me out

I guess though if you have a reality TV show you've got to bring some sort of drama yeah but that made me switch off I was like oh no you're like it's too much that's too much for like for watches

imagine we had a reality imagine I had a reality TV show they'd just be filming me sleeping and just getting up And then lying on the couch Scrolling through Instagram I'd love to You're like a cat

A cat with a phone Stretching out the sun spot Yeah Lying in where the sun Comes through the window Just licking my paws Licking myself clean They'd be so bored

They'd be like This is like an art installation It's like the opposite Of a movement to music it's like Tracy Emin's little bed you know her bed yes

it's like when Big Brother when they'd leave the cameras running we'd just watch them sleeping at night so weird we kind of did a reality show when we went to Ibiza

well very loose yeah but we had fake plans do you know what I mean like they kept us busy we were like you know we got our all that steaming and all do you know oh my god I have to kept us busy. We were like, you know, we got our, all that steaming and all,

do you know? Oh my God. I have to tell you something really embarrassing. So the style sisters were over my house doing a massive clear out. They come, they're these girls,

they come do a wardrobe detox and I literally got rid, I've got like 15 charity bags that I'm sending to this charity shop. And they came over and remember before Dora went through

my underwear drawer for some reason she was clearing it and like I had this massive dildo in it but I don't I swear like there's no shame

against dildos but if I was using it it would be up in my bedroom like I'm not going down to my dressing room to get myself off sure so what was

the girls went through the knicker drawer and I just thought about it after and I was like do I text them and tell them that like it's not a used one?

That like it's never actually been used before? Well, I bet you differ. I have used it. I was actually going to give it to you. I don't even know if you're serious or not. I was in looking for blusher and I found something better. And I checked,

there was no kids around and I lay down lay down in the cinema room I did a workout oh my god I don't know whether I should text them

instead you've got the what's your the flexi app I'm going to have the flicking app where I just like teach women just sit on your own back to the basement

it's disgusting Duran you're pathetic you're pathetic you're pathetic that only comes out when you're really annoyed at yourself oh god

look at the state of you for god's sake you're disgusting oh dear so that was my embarrassing thing this week

and I don't really know what to do have you contacted them yet no I don't really know what to say you just do you know what

we're grown women I don't want them thinking they do about it. Have you contacted them yet? No, I don't really know what to say. Do you know what? We're growing women. I don't want them thinking they've touched like a vagina dildo. I put it back in the box. Is it not still in the box? No, it's not in the box. Did I not put it back

in the box? I apologise. Shut up! Was it in my box? Emma, box is Irish for vagina. Did you know that? Yes, I did. You did, did you know that yes I did you did did you

yes Emma's a lesbian she knows all the terms every day's a school day so I was scrolling through Instagram as I do just as much as you do

TikTok and I saw do you ever see those newborn pictures where they like scrunch the babies up when they're tiny little babies and they put little hats on yes and I saw a girl post that and I saw, did you ever see those newborn pictures where they like scrunch the babies up when they're tiny little babies and they put little hats on? Yes. And I saw a girl post that and I was like, God, how

stupid is that? And I just kept thinking that's ridiculous. And I took myself away and it came back into my mind like half an hour later and I was like, oh my God, do you know what I realised? I was jealous. Of the baby being the croissant. I was jealous that I hadn't, yeah. I had not brought my baby for a croissant shoot and so I was jealous. Which hadn't yeah I had not brought my baby

for a croissant shoot and so I was jealous which I'm kind of surprised at but yes I know and now like they're too big I'm not gonna

he can't be a baby croissant hold on surely Otto's not big he's not too big to be a croissant have you met Otto recently he could be a panini he could be something

like a baguette Otto doesn't do anything that Otto doesn't want to do at the moment my kids are going around with scratches all over their faces because Otto attacks everybody. Well, I do think also

it's very big of you to realise when you took time away from the imagery to notice that you were, it was jealous, to identify the feeling as jealousy.

Exactly. And I feel like that I've dug deep and I've really taken measure and looked at myself. Yes. But Otto's birthday, by the way, I wanted to mention that as well, because I must have got, I can't imagine how many mails you got, but I got hundreds of mails asking people if you'd remembered.

Joanne did remember. I did remember. I did remember. And I did a little story about him. Oh, I didn't see the story. Did you not? I did because I said happy birthday to Noel Gallagher. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. him oh I didn't see the story did you not I did because I said happy birthday to Noel Gallagher oh yeah I don't know when he turned into a member of Oasis

but the hair I was expecting to see him smoking a spliff in like a fucking an Adidas track suit I'm considering giving him a spliff

he's so fucking moody at the moment Jesus Christ I'll let him run around in my makeup bag unsupervised to the grand

something will be in there he'll find something in there happy birthday to Otto though for today happy birthday Otto well done

I had I was the worst host I had two friends over from Ireland for the weekend and one of them Nicola has never been to London

I think she thought we were going to do like booking a palace and stuff which I was like I'm not getting on an open top bus it's not my fault you haven't been to London before you're 40 years of age

that's not my problem so the two of them came over I said we're sitting on the couch and we're chatting for 48 hours which is what we did Joanne you didn't go in for dinner

we so then I I cooked no hold on I didn't what did we eat we must have gone for dinner but I the next day I brought them to a I was like I didn't. What did we eat? We must have gone for dinner. But I,

the next day, I brought them to a, I was like, I'm going to book in this really nice open table, outside area in a pub that I love. One of my favourite pubs.

Because, it's actually down near you. And, What's it called? The Asparagus? No, and it's not the Asparagus. The Asparagus is sold,

you know that? Is it? I drove by really, there's some really gorgeous pubs over here, like just amazing. They're amazing. That's why it's so hard not to go into them. They're all just so stunning.

But they're flower baskets. It's the flower baskets. It's the flower baskets. Even they invite me in and I don't like pubs. It's not the booze for me. I just want to be in amongst those flower baskets. That's it for me.

I just want to be with the nature. I'm with the flower baskets, guys. You know, lads reading Playboy. It's the articles for me. It just want to be with the Flare Bats. I'm with the Flare Bats, guys. You know, lads reading Playboy. It's the articles for me. It's the news. It's journalism. But anyway, I booked an outside table and I was like, they're going to love it.

And it was the worst decision I ever made. It was so loud. I don't know what happened. And there was like, there was no table service. It was like, I think they thought we were going to Soho House and I ended up bringing them to like a weather's bin. Why did you bring them to Soho House? I don't know. I don't know. I made a really bad decision. And everyone was like I think they thought we were going to Soho House and I ended up bringing them to like a weather's bin why did you bring them to Soho House I don't know

I don't know I made a really bad decision and everyone was like what I can't hear a thing and there was

people leaning on the table as we were trying to eat and pints and people smoking in our faces it was really bad

yeah so I need to up my game I think you need to invite them back and like Joanna asked me three times for a duvet for one of

her friends you never picked it up I got home it was sitting on the table and I was like no her friend is times for a duvet for one of her friends. You never picked it up. I got home, it was sitting on the table and I was like, no, her friend is just sleeping. And,

so one of the girls who was coming over, now, like, I think she thought she was coming over to just a fucking keg on a brick or something.

I don't know what she thinks I'm living in. Like, it was just going to be a bottle of champagne and a bean bag and just me living in my own squalor.

She actually said to me, this is, bearing in mind I'm 41 years of age in a couple of weeks. She goes, come here me living in my own squalor. She actually said to me, this is, bearing in mind I'm 41 years of age in a couple of weeks. She goes, come here, do we need to bring

our own towels? Excuse me? What do you think, I'm living in a fucking hostel. So then, of course, and I had enough towels, I had loads of towels

but then I rang Vogue and I said, I'm not, I said I need more towels. I want this place full of towels. I want towels coming out the window.

I want a display of towels. I want them turned full of towels. I want towels coming out the window. I want a display of towels. I want them turned into swans, ducks, anything else, squirrels. So I said I want an over oversupply of towels. So I was like,

I won't use them. They won't be used. It's just for effect because I will not be asked if someone has to bring their own towel. I think it's good that people have you at that level so they don't expect more

so that pub wouldn't have been bad for them that would have been a treat I was like if you wouldn't bring it around cutlery maybe as well and a glass if you plan on having a drink you might need your own glass as well I was absolutely appalled were you offended?

I wasn't offended no it's too strong but I was just I wasn't offended now it's too strong but I was miffed miffed I was miffed that's the perfect term for it

I kind of saw myself through their eyes it's like I don't live like that anymore my flat's lovely I've been doing it I'm bringing

I've got my Ross Muirs hung I found them for you as well I have more for you do you have more Ross Muirs hung I found them for you as well I have more for you do you have more Ross Muirs he's a Scottish artist

I love his stuff he does these kind of old photos and makes them he updates them they're all like kind of flapper girls with

yeah it's pretty cool I did astroxies and stuff yeah anyway that was the so I was coming down to collect the tiles and the duvet

and then of course I never made it what happened I gave him a tea towel and I said that's all I have sorry was she surprised you had a tea towel I gave her a what are they? I gave him a tea towel and I said, that's all I have, sorry. Was she surprised

you had a tea towel? I gave her a, what are they called? A scrub daddy. A jay cloth. No, a scrub daddy. Is it a scrub daddy they call it?

Scrub daddy, go easy with that now. That's quite rough. A jay cloth. I find it fascinating. Passing my face towel to jay cloth. Yes.

And? That you, like, I would hate if one of my friends towel to Jai Clark. Yes. And? That you, like, I would hate if one of my friends came over and slept in my bed. I can't sleep in, like,

I'd sleep in a bed besides you. Yeah, there's certain people you can share a bed with. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to share a bed

with many people. Yeah, there is certain people you can share a bed with. Yeah. And I couldn't really put the two of them on the couch.

I would have. You can't. No, I would have, yeah. I offered you a camp bed. You did, yeah. I was like. No, I would have, yeah. I offered you a camp bed. You did, yeah. So I was like,

no, I can't be Irish. Look at my couch. My couch is brilliant. Well, Gareth, so I've decided to do a week in Edinburgh. I'm going to do the last week in the Fringe.

I'm fab. I'm doing it as a work in progress. I'm doing it to just kind of scare myself into, because I thought, I'm writing all this all this at the moment. But I was like,

I can't let the stand up go to the wayside. But I'm down for five all this stuff at the moment but I was like I can't let the stand up go to the wayside but I'm down for five days and Gerold was like I have a spare bed because he's gone for the month he's like there's a set of bunk beds

in a box room and I was like perfect oh I'd take that yeah five nights I love a bunk bed look at the prices of that place

I know it's cray cray yeah for nothing you're dead right to be doing that we need to shout out we have got our American tour

coming up we're going to America we're going to New York we're going to Boston in October tickets are on sale now

at Joanne McDonnell no not Joanne McDonnell that's what I was your one came to my head as well and I was like what's our one again at my therapist

ghostedme.com I finished Baby Reindeer as you requested I'm starting Taskmaster tonight okay I've finished

unbelievable so I finished Baby Reindeer it was very dark very dark oh my god for anyone who doesn't know Baby Reindeer

is about a stalker this guy who has a stalker and it's this huge... It's an amazing show. It's kind of like... You said it perfectly. It is. It's kind of got the vibe of...

I may destroy you. Yeah, I may destroy you, which was an amazing show as well. It is really dark. It's kind of funny. Baby Reindeer is very funny. Yeah, it's dark and it's funny, but it's like... In parts. I was like, what?

It is funny in parts. Yeah. It is really scary, though. And it's like... There's a lot of it is funny in parts yeah it is really scary though and it's like there's a lot of mental illness involved in it and stuff like that but there's a woman

who is a stalker so the guy who wrote it is actually starring in it as well that's the actual person that this happened to Richard Gad and he put out a post recently and he was like

can people stop trying to find the two people so he was stalked by a woman and he was sexually assaulted by a man and so people have been trying to track the two of them

they've tracked both and we think well he is not saying Richard Gadd isn't admitting that the man they found is the person

well the man they found has taken his like and I'm sorry but like what he did was just so horrific but he has

taken down his LinkedIn and he's taken down his like company he's taken down his like company website and stuff yeah but I don't know

if Richard is he's basically come out and named that person and said can we all can we please stop trying to track these people

and kind of abusing them some people I really admire and have worked with including and named that guy are getting unfairly trialled and stuff but apparently that guy has had to go to the police and everything because he are getting unfairly trialled and stuff but apparently that guy

has had to go to the police and everything because he's getting like death threats and yeah people go wild and also the girl Martha in it

who's the stalker she obviously suffers from really bad mental health as well which he was very clear about he was like she's a victim of this as well she was let down

by the system so people have found her too but like it is it is a fascinating show to watch but like I saw this thing in the paper and we actually weren't

going to talk about it properly ages ago because it was still a court case. So Harry Styles has a stalker. But she's been given prison time and everything now. This woman, right, if she put all this effort into having a job, she would have excelled so much. She was sending him, right,

she sent him 8,000 letters in a month it's something like 258 letters a day yeah it's wild 258 letters a day like what is she telling him about

can I how much news can one woman have Jesus at least you got her on this pod as a guest a leaf flew by your door today

it looked gorgeous the leaves are turning orange they're kind of manic though aren't they but can I say something before you continue? Yeah. Am I the only one who thinks it's bizarre that he only has one stalker? Considering how big he is.

I'd say he's loads but some of them are more intense than others. So I'd say you can handle a light stalking but I think when you're getting like 8,000 letters a month and someone's standing outside your house. They've lost the plot. Did she outsource the letters

or like did she hire a team how she must have a writing room she has to she must have a team of writers think about how long it takes you to write

a thank you card oh god I wish I was one of those people think how long it takes you I can't even I can't even I can't even write I can't even

I tried to write a diary and it was like I'd love to read your diary't I start I tried to write a diary and it was like I'd love to read your diary got highlights done today went to Pratt like it's there's no I've not

I don't know where I don't know where she gets the time I guess it's because she's very mentally unwell I know but like it kind of works I know

I'm just wondering when did she sleep because it must be like 20 I tried to break it all the time 20 letters an hour 20 20 letters an hour. 20.

20 letters an hour. But are they all going into envelopes? Imagine how much that costs. Did she post them or hand deliver them? She hand delivered them, I'm assuming. The tongue must be wrecked on her licking all those stamps. Oh God, it's just like a little cat tongue by the end.

She'd have to have gotten a whole, you know that they use in the post office where it's the little thing that you push the stamp into. Oh yeah, the little wet thing. Yeah. She stamp into so you don't Oh yeah the little wet thing Yeah She probably went pro She probably got all the

She probably has the stationary and everything She probably set up a desk outside the house I'm going to tell you if I thought I was that productive with a mental illness I would be

trying to figure out how to get one Imagine I'd have an Edinburgh show written in a week You'd be so laser focused Adderall You need Adderall

Adderall Did I tell you did I tell you did I tell you I've applied for to be tested for ADHD I need to do that excuse me and you sit here

and point fingers at me well you definitely have it well you have it everyone has it now where are you going yeah I know if you don't have it it's like a star sign

like everyone has it but then they show they told me the cost of getting tested and I kind of wanted to say I'm only going to pay that if you're definitely going to give me the diagnosis

because if I go in there What is it? £1,500? Spenny did it? Yeah, it's about that. I mean, he's the most ADHD person I've ever personally spent time with. It's kind of just the way people are.

Yeah, but I think it's better to get tested because I genuinely don't think that I do have it. I think that I get laser focused on certain things but just that's the way people are. Yeah, but I think it's better to get tested. Because I genuinely don't think that I do have it. I think that I get laser focused on certain things, but just that's the way I am. Well, I just want that written in so I can write my book for my stand-up show, my next podcast for the BBC,

write this and have a life. That's why I want it. I don't want it. And a diary. I want to start a diary and I'm not going to be able to do it without some sort of... Listen, you're going to have to cut a few things out there.

The diary is not going to happen. Okay, the diary is not going to happen. You're going to have to lose a bit of the social life. I'm not here to tell you what to do, but you have to. Have you ever had a stalker?

No, although weirdly when I went back to Dublin the other day for a job, the guy who picked me up from the airport and dropped me into town, also the next day happened to Dublin the other day for a job the guy who picked me up from the airport and dropped me into town also the next day happened to be the taxi

who turned up to collect me for my mother's and I did think hmm what are you doing here again? what are you doing here again? I don't know but now he's

just doing his job yeah I have a birthday message now you know we don't do birthday messages on this okay go on you know we don't do birthday messages on this okay go on don't we don't do happy birthdays

it better be for someone very close and a family member of course okay it's for Victoria Beckham my idol fair enough I love Victoria Beckham

that's allowed Victoria Beckham turned five out of late and she had a huge party which we weren't we were invited to but we couldn't make it

yeah we did actually we did get invited to that we did yep't make it. Yeah, we did actually. We did get invited to that. We did, yep. And I was so happy when I saw that invite. That sounded legit, didn't it? That sounded like we actually did. Cut out that legit bit. Let's pretend we did.

No, but I just thought it was really nice of her because she knows that we're really busy and, like, it's not. Yeah, it came one of those children invites where you have to tear off the bottom and send it back. I mean, it's not really up our street. We don't like going to places with too many people. So that's why we couldn't

actually make it in the end. But happy birthday, Vicky. Vicky, Vicky. And so I, I'm so in awe of her because firstly, whatever about age,

who cares about that? I'm not going to say she's ageing well. I hate all that shit. But she looks fab. She, I just feel like Victoria Beckham has kind of won the lotto

like even financially she's got a hot deadly husband she's got a load of cool kids do you know that she so this is my you know I've said it

before and I'll say it again if I could be anyone in the world Victoria Beckham nope Harper Beckham she's got her whole life ahead of her she's got a deadly family

she I don't even know where they're sending her to school that woman she'll never have a job I wouldn't even teach her the alphabet

she's never going to need it she's the favourite of the family definitely she's absolutely the favourite of the family 100% the favourite yeah and do you know that Victoria has

like a vault you know the way remember in the film of Clues remember in the film Clueless your one share would go through

and the computer would line up an outfit and then it would all get spat up out of the wardrobe like a storage unit a vault of clothes yeah

Victoria has one so she'll put in black shoes and all the options will come up and she says Harper is very like really taken with it

I was like I can say she is oh my god can you imagine that was your mum and I don't know she know it as well though I think

she came across as really sound in the Netflix thing but something came up where like it was like you remember in like

Heat magazine and stuff they'd be like give this guy some dating advice or top of the pops magazine and like Emma Bunton's like just remember that

you're such a great person blah blah blah and Victoria Beckham said look in the mirror maybe you're a bit of a tosser with bad dress sense and you'd be better off

spending some money on some new clothes. She's sticking to her character. Absolute spice bag. Cash spice. She is the spiciest of the spice girls. What spice would I be?

OCD spice? What spice would you be? Tidy spice. You'd be like, oh, I don't need all the money, girls. You can take it yourself spice fuck that no I would not

well you can't be sporty if sporty is taken I never wanted to be sporty you were always a spice girl when you were younger you'd be sleepy spice I always I know

you'd be well rested spice Spenny just looked at my my whirring I look at my sleep every morning and he goes oh Jesus you must be really happy look at that level of sleep

for the week and I was like I have the Victoria's party so she gave out goodie bags of her own products at the end of it

oh no I was like imagine if we had a party and we were handing out like ghosted water bottles well now the only thing is her makeup is very expensive

it's very good but like I wouldn't mind a goodie bag of that she's coming out with a line up with mango it's out it's out is it out yeah I'm going to go and have a look at it The only thing is her makeup is very expensive. It's very good but like I wouldn't mind a goodie bag of that. She's coming out with a line with mango. It's out. It's out.

Is it out? Yeah I'm going to go in and have a look at it. It does look amazing. Yeah it does. It's a bit tailored for me now. There's some see-through trousers I thought would be

right up our street. I'm serious. I'm not even trying to be funny. They're gorgeous. How see-through now? Like you'd have to wear a black knicker underneath but nice see-through.

I do feel like I have a sexy summer coming. I think we have to wear a black knicker underneath. But nice see-through. I do feel like I have a sexy summer coming. I think we have to have a sexy summer. I was thinking I could smell the summer in the air. Yeah. Rat girl summer is approaching.

It's nearly happening. I've suction bagged all the coats and now I'm absolutely freezing because it's not warm outside anymore. I've started my fitness journey again. I was going to

do it twice a week. Come running with me. I don't want to but I will. Pop on the running vest. I'll even let you wear that. Well so I've started with this new I've got a new trainer. Okay. I have a personal trainer called Olivia who I've only done one session with her but she comes to the common and we do it in the common. It's great. It's like an outdoor PE

class. I love it. Yeah. So we did all these kind of like she just wanted to see you know my mobility or whatever and I was doing all these squats and exercises and then she's like

you might be a bit sore tomorrow and I was like yeah no I'm prepared I'm prepared I know the process the next day I was absolutely fine

and she texted going how are you I was like I'm absolutely fine she goes okay no worries the next day it was I swear four and a half

five days I was on six Tylenol a day fucking saltadines you just pushed yourself too far I didn't push it she did it to me

I was like Olivia I'm clearly not capable of this amount of movement I was paralysed with the pain in the legs I did that to Amber

before and she couldn't even walk downstairs her knees didn't bend my knees were like this and everything yeah but that is the process it's the process

it is the process now you're ready for round two because you do rip your muscles yeah when you start training and then they yeah but I just

I think this is the one I think this is the time it's going to work I think I'm I think I'm going to have a fit girl summer okay well let's go running together on Friday

tomorrow I think I'm I think I'm going to have a fit girl summer okay well let's go running together on Friday tomorrow I think I've no no no let's do one lap at the park one lap I'm happy to do a lap at the park no no walking it's running

and you're not allowed to wear headphones if I'm going running with someone I want to talk to them well I'm absolutely not talking and running put me in the pram

and push me and then I can chat from the pram and push me and then I can chat from the pram. By the time this comes out, my work in progress in Edinburgh will be on sale. Woo! Mix a bit of old stuff and then some new stuff and, you know, probably me on the verge of a mental health crisis. I'd go to that. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. Yeah, I'll go to that.

Get that productivity going. Did you see that Thing in the paper About the flight from Turkey Was it from Turkey Or to Turkey To Turkey To Turkey It's a four hour flight

To Turkey In 25 minutes They ran out of all the booze I've never heard The like of it Now I don't know Whose mistake that is. Is it the airline's fault or was it just a particularly rowdy bunch?

I mean, firstly, fair play to the cabin crew for serving people that quickly. I mean, I've been on flights where you'd nearly die of thirst by the time the trolley gets to you. You know when you're in the middle and you're just like, keep looking, where's the trolley? I know. Because sometimes they might start in the middle and then spread back. There's no system. You never know. Because one of my friends was like,

would you not just sit at the top of the plane so you're ready for the trolley? I said, no, no, no, no. There was no exact system. Sometimes they'll start at either end, I guess to keep things fair. Yeah. You know in Ryanair now,

you can pre-order. So when you come on, they just straight away run down with your drinks. Ryanair are amazing at trying to make you spend more money well I thought you kind of paused after amazing no it's about it's trying to get people

to just spend more money they're like how can we get quicker I know we'll get them to pre-order drinks on the fly I have to say that's why I love them

because they'll still serve you while they're actually beginning their descent yeah even when you're deranged they will though they're like you have to put your tray table up

you're like you're pouring you're still pouring my drink for me like I know why you have to put your tray table up it's in case you have a really heavy landing and the table hits you in the face

or you hit your face into the table yeah I guess I thought it was if the plane crashes you know what they said to put your head in between your legs that you couldn't brace

with the table there yeah well I guess so but I don't know why Irish put your head in between your legs that you couldn't brace with the table there yeah well I guess so but I don't know why Irish people have a bad name because we like there's always

booze left in our plane now in fairness we do like to hit a duty free and take them on with us I was only saying this to someone the other day

the Brits drink just as much as we drink 100% do you know the poor no I did

someone sent me that Alan Carr video that you did with Alan Carr and I heard you say hundy peanut. You said 100% hundy pea and I thought this girl is a liar. I did. He's so fun.

I did his Life's a Beach podcast. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I did that with him, with Spenno. I can't even remember what we said. Where did you say you'd like to go? Benidorm? I was talking about Thailand.

I told the story about my hair getting bleached and that my I was, we were laughing and we were talking about Lourdes a lot actually. Have you been to Lourdes? Yeah. Have you? Why? I think my mother wanted to cure me of something. I don't know. We went to Lourdes on a holiday. It's like this cure of being an attention seeking whore. Please

Jesus. Threw me into one of the caves. Those caves that you come out and all the crutches are at the top because everyone's walked out. Oh come on. And the wheelchairs are hanging off the roof and all because no one of the caves. Those caves that you come out and all the crutches are at the top because everyone's walked out. Oh, come on. And the wheelchairs are hanging off the roof and all because no one needs them anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Well, whatever. I just got, I got vicious tonsillitis. From? It's full of sickness. Were you kissing? There's a rock or something you're kissing there. That's why you got the disease.

I scored a leper and then got vicious tonsillitis. Gross. I took his illness like what's that film with your man

sucks the cancer out of people oh yeah the green mile the ninth the green mile the green mile

so I have a rule that I never drink on the plane I never ever drink on a plane and like I buy my own extra water I know it sounds

really sad but you get really dehydrated on a plane so I buy my extra water because I couldn't imagine anything worse than arriving in like

Stansted Airport or something hung over that's the worst of the airports by the way Stansted's the worst Stansted's the worst oh my god

you don't drink on planes now I know and also I think the thing with planes is it's not real time because when you're in the sky

where do you you never stop eating you never you watch four hours of TV it's not real time. Because when you're in the sky, where do you, you never stop eating. You never, you watch four hours of TV, you fall asleep like two or three times. Sometimes I could fall asleep

on a long haul flight. I am rolled down the gangway off a plane. I'm like a puffer fish. I'm just, I tell myself it's the coming in and out of the atmosphere.

But I believe it is the 68 miniature meals there's no rules on a plane there absolutely isn't well there is and if you break them they will sell it

type your ticket I'm really surprised that hasn't happened to you yet I'm waiting for the day well I told you about the flight coming back from Canada yeah

that's for a private time fair play to the cabin crew for serving so speedily and also from what I could tell when I read that article, there was no, like, incidences. I'd say everyone just fell asleep because there was no booze left. So they drank so much that then they all fell asleep.

So it was probably a really quiet flight. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to bang a hen party off it, doesn't it? I think people more so going to Turkey, they're going for new boobs and new hair and stuff. I'll be over there soon for my new hair I'll be coming back

with just those lumps on my forehead they'll just move your eyebrows up I don't get it in no surprise to anyone I put my airpods on a mixed 40 degree

wash found them in there thought they were okay but obviously now they sound like one of those seashell things and but I haven't given up

everyone's like put them in rice put them in rice I don't actually have rice in the house so I'm going to go and buy a bag of rice today and put them in

and see what happens you're meant to put them in rice when it happens I see these no one said that it's too late isn't it I see these no one said that it's too late is it I see these things

on your Instagram and all I do is that's it and I slide on you're like top to exit top to exit I know but

I was like maybe it'd be relaxing listening to the ocean through your headphones but it's not it's just really sad but anyway this girl messaged me because I was

giving out about it on the internet, obviously. And she's like, oh about your airpods, I woke up one morning after a dream of eating a hard sweet with actually my airpod in my mouth. So I've now been listening to music and your podcast through the ocean sounds for a year because I'm too stingy to buy new ones until I've gotten

as much use out of these as I can. It's so embarrassing, I still don't know how it fell out of my ear and got into my mouth in my sleep she's looking choked to death well you eat loads

of stuff in your sleep remember all the spiders and stuff eight spiders a year yeah but you know no one's going to choke on a spider I really hope I don't eat eight spiders a year well a lot know no one's going to choke on a spider I like I really hope

I don't eat eight spiders a year well a lot of people are salataping their mouth's clothes now while they sleep to give them good nasal hygiene

or something I don't know now that you're on your fitness buzz I found something that you can challenge yourself to a woman has broken

the longest plank record she's 58 years old she won the record she's a grandmother she's from Canada guess how long she planked for longest plank record. She's 58 years old. She won the record. She's a grandmother. She's from Canada. Guess how long she planked for? To win the record.

Okay, so I'm going to do the fair thing and go really low so as not to ruin the surprise. Okay. Five minutes. No, Joanne. That was way too low.

Four and a half hours planking. That just sounds so insanely boring. So boring. That's the only way you can slow down time. Is she watching Netflix right now?

Why is she doing it? That's what I was thinking. She would have gotten through Oppenheimer. But I was thinking like there's nothing you know when you're doing a plank in real time

in the gym and they're like do a minute plank and you're like this is like a 50 minute plank for one minute I'm not familiar but I will be now

that I'm on my fitness journey and we will be planking together I have no core strength like how I even walk around is beyond me you have a great squat strength

good bum I do actually I do have a great ass cannot deny me that no we can't we love your bum when it's wrapped bare it's not great but when it's wrapped

up well i find returned there when you're standing with your bum pushed out and you're back and you're standing straight on with the perfect light your bum can look great i'm currently on an ass journey beep beep it's coming back i'm building the bum i'm on a proper journey like i'm gonna take a picture of my arse now and take a picture of my arse in six weeks and I'll show you oh really yeah I'm going to post it straight to my Instagram I think you absolutely should and that is it

for the podcast this week we are so busy we've both got journeys to go on