My Therapist Ghosted Me - Toys, Menstruation Huts & A Quick Q&A

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

It's straight back in this week, with the toys you'd forgotten about from your childhood, Shakira's tax issues, crowdsurfing babies and Joanne's experience in Belfast... If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally and her Vogue Williams. Vogue Williams. I just called Vogue Noel by accident. I'm trying to understand why I did that and I can't really explain it. I look like a Noel. It's not the first time that's happened. I'll use it again.

Rest assured. It was because I was trying to download a couple of stories in my head to tell you and I got overexcited. I just went, Noel! Joanne, you look like a marade. Fuck off. It's not.

You don't look like a Noel. But Noel is the opposite to Vogue. There's no pizzazz to the name Noel. It really is a pizzazz free zone. Speaking of pizzazz, do you want to see what I did with my ears? Oh, Jesus Christ. I feel so...

Bougie. How amazing. I had Roxanneanne first over at my house and she did my earrings she did like and this ear is i'm just thrilled i really feel like i'm never gonna have my nails done but now i'll always have like people will be like there's the girl with the cool earrings and shit nails hold on a second i'm so basically you got your ears pierced no my ears have been pierced but they've always had like boring earrings in and then I got Roxanne first she's a jewelry designer and she designs really cool fun stuff like look at this you're gonna love this that's a smiley face necklace that's that's cool I know she does it in all different colors you know the way Becky has

cool earrings now I have cool earrings Becky's a friend of mine and now I have cool earrings because I feel like my nails are so shit all the time that I need to have something I do find you I do find you quite boring to look at so personally I'm relieved that you've added a bit of pizzazz to your ears I've jazzed myself up thank you very much jazzed me and Jess sometimes sometimes be nod off looking at you don't we Jane so boring fair enough everyone's saying would she not would that woman not do something with her ears my god they are a snooze fest I've never seen such a plain Jane

in my life I do look like an oil slick you're right I don't know what to do about it because I know if I run away

to get powder I'll get in trouble with you two so I just have to Joe fix my fix it post you don't look like an oil slick

I was suggesting I said Vogue looked very polished today suggesting I usually had a regular Botox at the weekend but she's

she's saying she hasn't I'm moving my eyebrows I have not had Botox I swear to God on my life I did not have Botox at the weekend they're barely moving

no I've got a very tight bun in my hair I haven't had a pinch of Botox this should I drop dead and die now you joe joe getting involved in this slagging shut up you joe because i've just looked at what my forehead does if i do the same

thing well joe you've got a very movable forehead sorry my forehead isn't as wrinkled as yours christ almighty i was gonna say it's like bella haddi claiming that her face is the result of a tight bun okay comes out with a new head how dare you my eyebrows are raised you look fab so thank you oh wait hang on you're not off the booze anymore what happened there one minute later after telling joe and i you were like saint joanne i know i just kind of fell back in with us proud of peter to Belfast and he's he's as big a piss head as I am you fell in with an absolute

wallop back into it he was like oh we go for lunch and I was like yeah we go for lunch then I'd like to go for a run and he was like

and he's he's a fucking snake because he makes out like he's up with that plan anyway of course and he's like we have a glass and blah blah blah

anyway it spiraled but listen come here the world is the world is the world is right again I know do you know what I'm doing

I'm currently doing Sober October is this going to be every week now oh sorry have I mentioned it sorry sorry it's just I'm so smug

and I don't feel like shite bags so yeah I'm doing Sober October didn't have a drop all weekend yep I got lots of bits done

I was out for I was training at seven this morning and you know, just do my bits. Okay, thanks for losing us more listeners. I am going to drink though. I would like to say that I started it late and I'm finishing it early

because I'm going away on my holidays and I'm not, listen, I'm not a complete saint. That's not sober October. That's sporadic a complete saint. That's not sober October. That's sporadic sobriety. That's not a month. You're doing two weeks in the middle of October. Yeah, I'm doing sober middle of October. That's what I'm doing.

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it? I think it sounds better. Sober middle of October. Barely sober October. I drink barely sober October. I just don't drink on Mondays. It's great. I've been new

loads to life well as we were talking about last week you and I just really went with the summer and like just lost the run of ourselves being someone who

like used to be like I drink every few weeks I was drinking like every few days and I thought this is I need to pull it back so I'm resetting to get back into it

I miss it I was in the SSC arena in Belfast basically I'm on stage that's a I did was the Friday night so the second night and it's about I think it's 3,000 3,000 people so you know it's a big room yeah and I'm about an hour into the show you should do about an hour 20 which is unfair because the last 10 minutes is kind of like a hostage situation you can tell they want to leave you told me it was 40 minutes by the way when I went to your last show

obviously just trying to get me the fuck out early I'd say at the start of the tour it was 60 but the show's kind of grown a bit you know what I mean so

anyway so about an hour in and this girl comes like kind of jogging up the middle aisle of the room and she stops the show and kind of ushers me down inside a stage. And she's obviously taking a drink.

The eyes are quite glazed, you know, Krispy Kreme, Krispy Kreme glazed eyes. And she's like, Joanne, you've got your period. And she like points to my crotch no no yeah what colour were you wearing so

I have a new set I got rid of the barocca tube because it was it was rotting away up there it was the time I had to go so I have these new pig pink

Prosecco bottles so because I had them I was like I'm not going to wear a pink jumpsuit because it's just going to look too like bubble gummy do you know what I mean look like a Barbie set so I have these new pig pink Prosecco bottles so because I had them I was like I'm not gonna wear a pink jumpsuit because it's just gonna look too like a bubble gummy do you know what I mean look like a barbie set so I wore a mint green jumpsuit so of course so so basically I do you remember recently I spoke at the podcast saying my work my worst fear would be to get my

period on stage so I was like I'm sure someone would tell me so I looked down now obviously to make really quick decisions up there okay Okay. Like you don't have time to like mull over things. You don't have time to like lie on your back and have a good look at your crotch. You don't have time to like pull your legs apart and see what's going on. So I just scanned down real quick. I couldn't see anything. And I genuinely, I couldn't process what was happening. I thought she was heckling me. I thought she was kind of trying to psych me out. Do you know what I mean? So I didn't know what was it so basically I just I looked down

couldn't see anything and so I dismissed her I think I said something like you should be ashamed of yourself or something oh god yeah I said

oh no do you know what I said I sent her away and I said I won't embarrass you by saying what you just said to me because I genuinely thought she was trying to like I thought it was a really bizarre heckle

yeah and em because I couldn't see anything myself anyway sent her off but the gig was fucked then like my head was completely Like I thought it was a really bizarre heckle. Yeah. And because I couldn't see anything myself. Anyway, sent her off, but the gig was fucked then. Like my head was completely out of the game. The room got really weird and there was like a weird tension in the room. And I kind of did 10 more minutes and I just could not get off fast enough.

And then I looked down when I got off and I had, I had gotten it. So I know. Was it bad? Was it bad? No. I mean, the way like look could you have gotten away with it

she came from a good place I understand that do you know what I mean she was trying to be sound and she thought could you have gotten away with it totally it was

there was no need to do it but she was pissed and she thought she was being sound but no it just completely fucked in my head and you know what girls in future

just let me bleed out up there like honestly oh my god let her bleed out let me bleed out up there I don't need to know because then I was thinking oh well okay

because the room's so big that I was like no one would have seen it but then I remember there's screens on either side of the stage so I don't know I don't know if anyone did it

but like there's nothing I could do what can I do what can I do range but like there's nothing I could do what can I do what can I do with that information there's nothing I can do just let her be let her just

let her be a bloody mess oh no your poor jumpsuit it's hard to get that out it's hard to get a stand like that out it was just a real downer it's like oh no oh my

at least you didn't shit yourself that's a plus it would be worse obviously I'm gonna ask you oh my god no in front of 3 000 people and someone i know listen it's it's modern life i'm a modern woman back in the day have you ever heard of a menstruation hush no okay so back in the day well i think there's probably some some self so uh some still floating around some part of the world but menstruation it was considered so gross that women would be sent out to a hush right to like just menstruate on their own out there and they

die of like dehydration and exposure and snake bites and stuff because it was basically sounds like sounds a bit like oxygen do you remember that festival that we all went a bit fire festival and just kind of bleed to death on your own and then if anyone came into contact with you they'd be sent into the hush as well thank god it wasn't back in the day there'd be three thousand of us stuck in a menstruation hut for forever because everyone would keep getting a period at some stage would be stuck there forever anyway yeah it was it was embarrassing but not in a like not in a menstruation way embarrassing it was just I was just I took the shine off what I what I what I wanted to be a good show oh no I just yeah maybe she shouldn't have said anything um I actually I haven't had my period in

like two years you know that it's really weird well it's not weird and breastfeeding like I'm not like and I was pregnant but like weird that I haven't had it in two years it's fantastic that's because you're always pregnant that's I was actually thinking that's one reason to get knocked up I'd have nine months of peace on stage without having to worry about that stuff it's so nice but you don't get embarrassed by things like that like that would be I would find that like humiliating like I don't know why it's just things like that really make me feel embarrassed but you have to you become desensitized to stuff like there was a time when when that happened if this was earlier on in my career when that happened I would have died of death I would have been so embarrassed but you're

like I'm on stage pretty much all the time shit's gonna happen up there you just become desensitized to it but like I say it just because I didn't know how bad it was or what the crack was I was completely thrown then I was like oh my god bring me to a menstruation hook get me out of here listen one thing I wanted to know what did you say to her? Because you did a call out for her. So I thought you must have given someone a bollocking. She actually only messaged me yesterday. So I'll just message her back.

And look, I know you were trying to be sane. So thank you. I regretted being kind of dismissive of her, but I just didn't know what to do. Do you know what I was reading? Apparently back in the day, they used to think that when women had their periods, they were kind of magic and psychic and stuff. And there was this myth that if you put a naked woman menstruating through a field, all the caterpillars and worms would fall out of the corn. I was like, that's what I need on the walk up to the stage from now on, just loads of corn.

So that I can tell if there's worms and caterpillars falling out. But then, you know, I need to address it. Stick a lot of pads in. Oh God, no. Listen, it's still part of being a woman. So were you just shuffling along like a penguin, just trying to address it. Stick a lot of pods in. Oh God, no. Listen, this is all part of being a woman. So were you just shuffling along like a penguin, just trying to keep your legs closed? I just didn't know what was going on.

It was horrible. Sorry, this is a bit gross, but the after sex shuffle. I've gone red after I said that, by the way. after I said that by the way it's very strange that you know things like that

you're off to your menstruation hut by the way I wanted to thank everybody who very kindly bought our tickets yes very nice of you

to buy our tickets thank you very much we're very appreciative and we can't wait. I can't wait, Joanne. Like, you're used to it. You do it all the time. But like,

I only had that amazing feeling at EP and I haven't had it again since because you have been having it all the time, like 3,000 people involved us and then I'm going to get to do it and it's so exciting. It is.

It is very exciting. I feel sick. I'm so excited. It is. And we're going to add more UK dates. Poor, poor Sp Sven he was like do you who's introducing you on stage

do you need do you need somebody to introduce you on stage I was like yeah we're kind of covered

Sven thank you was he was he suggesting he would do it he absolutely loved being

around for a show in Electric Picnic because like he said that like he's never felt so famous in his life

do you know I was doing a live with him last night so actually yes you were because I accidentally clicked into it like those lives they are like quagmires they're traps because you're flicking to your phone and they're so easy to click into and then you're like why am I watching a live with Spencer and I get I've enough of them do you know what I mean and then you feel really bad because you have to exit well I find funny imagine what I was like

I was like why am I on a live with Spencer I only saw it that morning and I'm like Spenny are we doing a live at five o'clock when the kids are eating dinner

and he's like oh that's Jenny's fault and I was like alright so am I doing a live at seven o'clock then when were you going to tell me I was doing the live was it

it was for the it was for a clean cow was it you were making gin that's all I saw he was like no he was making my two least he was like No he was making my two least favourite

cocktails ever like he was making me a Bloody Mary rank like I'd never drink that and he was making me an espresso martini

I couldn't even like swallow and pretend to like it particularly the Bloody Mary tomato juice is sick it's like cold soup I love a Bloody Mary now a good one

I love it because I have to find ways to drink in the morning though come on get the program after after when we were in the Maldives last year

she was literally starting espresso martinis at half ten in the morning she's like it's a coffee I was like it's not a coffee no I can't I actually can't bear the taste of espresso martinis

I hate them oh they're hideous but the Bloody Marys when done correctly are fantastic they're a real like they're just they're real they're hideous but the Bloody Marys when done correctly are fantastic they're a real like they're just they're a real

they're an amazing zingy hit hit to the cell but when they're bad it's basically like someone pouring vodka into a pot of Dalmio

and just pouring giving it to you in a glass I've had some really I've had some really bad ones but when they're good they are exceptional they'll take you from a they'll take you from a two to'll take from a two to a 10

in your mind in the morning. A two to a 10 in the morning? Two to a 10 in the morning. Well, now if you're topping up in the morning, like, I know it's a problem. You quite quickly top up though.

It doesn't take long. Oh, not, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. You know that morning, that morning,

that morning giddiness. It's the best when you've had a big night the night before and then in the morning you've got like a breakfast plan with the girls or something. You're like, you've absolutely, you can get back on it straight away. So exciting. Oh God, I can't. Like the thought of having a drink when I'm hungover, it's like eating a flip-flop to me.

I just need, I need seven different like fizzy drinks and I need cool pops and a slush puppy. And like, I just have to have nice things like that. I, we, so yesterday I slept until, I just have to have nice things like that. I, we, so yesterday I slept until, I slept until half three in the day. Like, I can't believe you're actually going to publicly say that. Are you sleep shaming me?

Don't tell anybody. Like my day was nearly over at half three. Slept at half three. So I've had had a busy I've had a very busy week and then I was out for a couple of drinks on Saturday day and then our friends 40 oh the 40th have begun the 40th 40th all the 40th are happening now so I came home from the party and then slept to half three and then proud of it like was it she's shaking me To wake me I was like He's like Joanne It's half three Like get up You fucking pig

You are so lucky That you're Like when I'm hungover Especially I could get two and a half Hours sleep And my body's like Get up at seven o'clock

And I'm like Do you know what the key Do you know what the key is And I know we talk about booze A lot right But You wake up in the morning I used to do that as well

Because you're dehydrated So your body wakes up Because you need water so if you drink water before you go to sleep throw in a rehydration soluble tablet you know the Baracca's

but they're actually she's all the tip the ORS rehydration sachets or whatever do your life basically you will sleep you'll be like

Jesus coming out of the cave 40 days later you will sleep away a couple of periodons a bit of that yeah I think I'll need that my next time on the piss

I'll be in St. Barts can you believe I'm going to St. Barts I can't wait we're not going to Christmas anymore it's too bloody expensive at Christmas to be honest with you

so we're going at like normal time of year Amber's coming she's never been she's going to lose her mind oh god yeah because well Svenny doesn't drink

and like no offence to him he's a bit boring sometimes so like I need someone and Amber drinks. Amber's like you. She drinks. Excuse me. When?

I'm probably free. You're not free. I don't even ask you to do anything anymore. I did actually. She's coming to the christening. I booked I have to talk to

Father Peter today. I'm going to Otto's christening. I'll join the queue. It's going to be 20 women deep outside for the Godmothers to get in we're like the queen

do you remember everyone was queuing for the queen for like 40 hours that would be us 40 hours to get in to fucking to christen Otto with all the other godparents

like you wouldn't jump the queue Philip I'm filming guys I'm filming okay so that's exciting I'm filming guys I'm filming okay so that's exciting I'm gonna I'm booking the priest

oh my god I heard gossip right and this wasn't even on my list yesterday but I was very shocked because I really like Shakira I think it's because

her husband was such a dirty little dog she might be going to jail jail what I thought you were going to say St. Barts no she's not going to jail. Jail. What? I thought you were going to say St. Bart's.

No, she's not going to St. Bart's. Not anymore. She might be going to jail. She owes like 30 million in tax. You know, there's people who just write random shit off. It's like, oh, I'm buying a Chanel handbag. I'll just put that on the tax bill. Like some things you're not allowed to get taxed off for.

And she's like done a number on herself and she owes the Spanish government something like 30 million. I'm pulling numbers out of my arse, but it's something like that. Do you know what I'd be thinking? If I owe someone 30 million in tax, she must be absolutely loaded. Well, but like what if,

what if in the Chanel handbag, she put her microphone that she sings with? And what if, you know, that is that? Well, that's just an example. I think she was writing things off that she wasn't allowed right off and then she got stung for it. So listen, listen to your accountant. You don't want to be going to jail.

Jail for something so crap as well. Stung for tax. Imagine. Yeah. Well, when you're in St. Bart's, it's the end of the tax year in Ireland, so I'll probably be doing mine from a prison cell in the Jail. While you're... Like Joanne does probably be doing mine from a prison cell in the Jailhouse while you're like Joanne does her own tax

you're a accountant I didn't see him with her accountant and he's just like Joanne's like I don't know and he's literally like I'm like that poor man

that poor man I know he had a full head of hair when I hired him at the start completely bald now full head of hair tell us about Hamleys oh

so I went to Hamleys because I get invited to these little kiddie events and I usually wouldn't go because you know what I feel like about going to do anything outside of my house

I'm not really into it but I got invited to Hamleys and it was something for the kids to do and I was like they will absolutely love that it was closed to the public we got to go into Hamleys and then they asked if I wanted if I wanted to ring the bell to open the shop because like hundreds of people went outside 12 o'clock you

ring the bell they come in so anyway my moment to shine was coming up and then those little shites that I brought with me Tee and Gigi just took took the bell. I didn't get to ring the bell. They rang the bell. You want to see Gigi as well in the video trying to rob it off T. So what happens when you ring the bell then? All the children kind of descend. Then everyone can go in. Yeah. It's like the stock market. Jesus, how many have fierce notions about themselves, don't they? Oh my God. How many? It's like, it's, it's, it's pretty epic to be fair. Like I got stung for loads of stuff

in there when I was with them because you can't really go to a toy shop and not buy them anything. Is Hamley's the place that they have the actors dressed up as characters dancing outside?

That's terrifying. I've walked past that several times. Not good. Like there was a pirate there, Gigi was terrified. We went to the event though and the lovely girl

who was running the event came up, she's like, hi Gigi, and Gigi's like, I want to go home. Straight away girl who was running the event came up she's like hi Gigi and Gigi's like I want to go home straight away that was the first thing

she said to her I'm like oh my god that's embarrassing so where is she learning her English I was thinking when you were telling me

about the toy store I was thinking about what I had grown up because you forget and then I was googling 90s toys and it was jeez it brought me right back

well actually my favourite thing to do as a kid was wear high heels and smoke by-roads so I guess I was mimicking my mother at the time but I had a Fisher-Price kitchen

oh I loved the kitchen little fried eggs and stuff and then my favourite it wasn't actually mine it belonged to a friend of mine but I used to go down and play it was it like a cashier a till

beep you'd scan the thing this was we were a bit older you'd actually scan like all to a friend of mine but I used to go down and play it with like a cashier a till beep you'd scan the thing this was we were a bit older you'd actually scan like all it was so weird as a child

you just wanted to work the Tesco tills that was the glamorous job that's what you wanted all I ever wanted was dolls and then I started getting things like

ironing boards and like washing machines and like pretend little plastic ones that's all I wanted I know it's bizarre I used to just look at

this is what I know yeah you'd I used to just look at I know yeah you'd have servants to do all that for you that you don't need an ironing board as if as if babes

it's kind of I don't iron it's particularly it's particularly I don't well I don't iron either and I've known to do it for me I just go around

like fucking scrouting my clothes just completely wrinkled I can't bear wrinkled clothes I have to say but now what I will say is I actually went to Hamleys

as a child I'll never forget it because my my mum and Neil took us away and we were like spoiled rotten and then we went to Hamleys

and I'd already like got my quota of stuff but I didn't realise Hamleys was coming up and I went into Hamleys and I was trying to pick up more stuff and I threw an

absolute wobbler when they wouldn't get me more stuff I could just remember that's what I went into Hamleys and I was trying to pick up more stuff and I threw an absolute wobbler when they wouldn't get me more stuff. I could just remember, that's what I remember about Hamleys, throwing an absolute wobbler and then being like, you're not getting anything else. I'd say that place has seen more tantrums

than hot dinners, like kids throwing. A hundred percent. And do you remember the giant yellow teapot? Yeah! Yes! Oh my God, yeah. What happened inside it though?

I can't really remember. I actually Googled that the other day, weirdly enough, and it's actually kind of crap, to be honest. Do you not think it's got all the toys? They're just basically preparing women for being a wife,

being a housewife. Like why don't you just fucking sell little handcuffs and ties to a radiator? Jesus Christ. I will say, Theodore's quite a fan of his mop. He's a mop and he likes the mop.

So he'll be a nice little, a nice little household. He has lightsabers now though. And he has fights with Frederick and T, or not Frederick. What's his name? Spencer. Did you just forget your husband's name?

I call them all different names all the time. I call Gigi Winston today. Aldo, Aldo Aldo she does look like Winston Aldo and and Sven and like they turn off the lights and they put on this

Darth Vader music can they they just play like the what do they call those things lightsabers giant children when you're one time

you have my period on stage like what am I supposed to do with that information? Leave the stage and go back in five days. There was a couple of toys that had to be recalled because they were dodgy.

Do you remember the Tidy you know I've got a model session with the Tidy Tubby's Yeah. Poe. When Poe came out as a toy, he would say things and parents thought that he,

so they basically made all these complaints. It sounds like he was saying, well, they're calling it a homophobic slur, but he was saying fidget, F-I-D-I-T, over and over again.

And they also thought he was saying bite my butt, bite my butt. Anyway, they had to recall him in the end, but there was a Ken doll that came out as well and they he had this um necklace on that looked incredibly like a cock ring um again parents were complaining and and the company were like do you actually think we're gonna put ken out wearing a cock ring like do you think we're gonna do that but you know like some parents are you know incredibly paranoid they think they're they're basically probably the parents who were involved in q anon do you think we're going to do that but you know some parents are you know incredibly paranoid

they think they're basically probably the parents who were involved in QAnon do you know what I mean oh my god anyway he had to be recalled he was cancelled

and recalled yeah and there was another toy where and I don't know how you feel about this you probably wouldn't mind I don't think it's a big deal either

where they would sell a breast pumping package breastfeeding dolls to kids so little girls they'd get a little bra package breastfeeding dolls to kids so little girls they'd get a little bra with a little nipple on it and a doll

and they could breastfeed the doll well Gigi Gigi goes over to my pump and she puts it on herself sometimes and it's the funniest thing

because she just sees me do it obviously do you remember as well I just got these for the kids remember a grown tube when they went do you remember them no no the kids remember a grown tube when they went do you remember them

no no he never had a grown tube he just turned it upside down he turned it the other way I loved them no

what sort of poverty induced childhood was I living in I never had a grown tube oh my god I used to like oh god I had so much crap the toy that I loved

the most well I brain broke bright and all that jazz but do you remember the snowman and you'd make slushies in his belly oh Mr Frosty

yes I just I can't see how to all the kids in the eight we just had blue tongues red tongues I still I can't

if I could pass somewhere that's selling slushies I have to get one I get half red half blue absolutely stunning I want to do one I get half red half blue absolutely stunning I want to do a shout out right because basically

I want everybody to vote for this person on Strictly Come Dancing oh yes I want everyone to vote for Helen Skelton I feel

so bad for her her husband basically broke up with her when she had a baby. The baby was two months old. She's got two other young children. Fair enough if people fall out of love. I totally get that. That's totally fine. But your wife has just had a baby two months prior. And within six months, he's met this other woman who's the daughter of the managing director of the rugby club that he's a part of and now the baby is I think the baby's like eight months old and he has this other one pregnant I'm just like like your kids are at home and they don't even know that you're like why you're not there or anything yet you're all like it's just it he's gross it's wildly insensitive so cruel it's

it's it's brutal it's absolutely brutal and obviously and I mean I don't know who this lad is but

clearly this was going on like no one moves on that quickly do you know what I mean so it's like would you not have a bit would you not be a bit more

discreet about it you clearly had an affair grand shit happens people have affairs but like where's your kind of where's your where's your sense of duty Would you not have a bit, would you not be a bit more discreet about it? You clearly had an affair. Grand shit happens. People have affairs, but like, where's your kind of, where's your,

where's your sense of duty, sense of care? No. To your children. She's knocked up already. I know, but like, it's just zero moral compass,

very Tristan Thompson vibes, obviously, but the other woman, like, you know that he has a wife that's pregnant. And like, what, like, we can't say that for a fact that he was cheating before,

but it's very like, I don't know. Well, of course, we can't say for a fact. Well, we don't deal in facts anyway, Val. We don't deal in facts. We know the truth.

You little dirt. We don't deal in facts. We deal with speculation. That's what we do. But I would speculate heavily that that like, no one, you don't rush that fast

into a new relationship and have a child. A child's going to fuck your relationship up. Sorry speculate heavily that that like, no one, you don't rush that fast into a new relationship and have a child. A child's going to fuck your relationship up. Sorry about that. But like, you know, I speculate that that's what happens.

So why would you put that on yourself if you're actually only together two weeks? They're not. They clearly had a very long term. And that poor woman

was pregnant the whole time and like feeling like absolutely shit about herself. And then two months after you have a baby when you literally feel like death and you're just like wrecked and you just are not yourself your hormones are all over the place and he just didn't just no regard for her or his kids or his family some

people are just so insensitive it's crazy i feel like strictly come what strictly come dancing is kind of like therapy for celebrities as in a lot of them they go into it because they've like been through something traumatic that year

like Helen Skelton probably was booked to do that show because she had a very public yeah fallout with her partner or husband or whatever

do you know what I mean so suddenly she was kind of in the public's eyes and then they you know so that's so people go like normal people would just go to a zumba class in the evening celebrities sign up to strictly come dancing so it becomes very emotional it's like an evening course for them it's part of their you know it is well because you've nothing else to concentrate on they're dancing like up to 12 hours a day exactly would you do it I did it I did dancing

with the stars in Australia I am and I thought I was brilliant right I got kicked out like fourth or fifth so not the worst at least I wasn't first and I went and looked back at YouTube

of me dancing and I just looked like a little serpent the way I dance along with my head like goes forward like I don't know it's because I'm so

hold on hold on we have to get footage of that for the tour now come on well my dance partner the poor he's so nice as well

I still follow him on Instagram he there's no chance in hell he was ever going to be able to lift me up so he just used to swing me around

like you know when he used to get a swing off your family off your dad or something he'd just swing you by the arms that's literally all he could do

because like I was such a giant was he tiny compared to me yeah he was like half my size actually like width wise as well but uh I did it you had to dance like eight hours a day I was shitting myself every time and I was like I don't know why I did it to myself because I was such a nervous wreck before that it was like detrimental to my health but it was actually quite fun what's next i was actually going to update you on sylvester stallone you know him and the wife got back together yes we knew that we were very happy about it well joanne supposedly they did it all

for publicity because they have a tv show coming out like the kardashians so they've got keeping up with the sylvesterester Stallones and two daughters, wife, dog, they're going to be on a reality show. They snaked us. Why would Sylvester Stallone bother his hell

doing a reality telly? Why would you bother? Has he run out of cash? That must be it. He must have run out of cash. He's obviously made bad investments, like his face. I can't imagine he's run out of cash.

Well, do you know what? Maybe back in the day, back in the day, he wouldn't have gotten paid. Like Daniel Craig gets paid a hundred a million a movie. He wouldn't have been paid that. I mean, obviously I'm going to be glued to it. Oh, I'm watching every second of it. But like we are, just so you know, we're disappointed in you and your lies and bullshit. We're disappointed in you, Sylvester, but we need to know times and channels.

Yeah, watch channels. Don't just do it for America. So I was considering a breakup with Spenny for a bit. If things ever went down the tube, breakup, get back together. Breakup,

get back together. Yeah, that's our plan. Yeah. I need to get a tattoo of your face on my body so I have something to cover up as a PR stunt.

Oh, Bill Murray? Yes, Bill Murray. Bill Murray. Bill Murray is a man, right, that I would have always said, who would you have at your dinner party,

dead or alive? Bill Murray was always, always, always on my list. Yeah. I know, he's, everyone loves Bill. Like he's, everyone,

but you always, I always wondered about Bill. Now look, don't get me wrong, it's not like I put a huge amount of thought into it, but it did cross my mind, I suppose, is a better way of explaining it

How has Bill Murray escaped all this cancel culture? Do you know what I mean? Like, because he's obviously all people in show business are assholes, no one goes into show business, no one, it doesn't make anyone a better person, no one's like, oh I was a bit of a narcissist before I got into show business, but

I've become a much kinder, thoughtful person If you're telling people they're special the whole time they're gonna believe it they're gonna be assholes I you know I know because I was surprised by him just because like he's always known for like turning up at people's weddings and just being really sound in general and then and then all this stuff comes out so supposedly he paid someone off 100 grand after he kissed and straddled her on set and the movie actually got cancelled because of it, he was working on being mortal when he has said to have interacted with the unidentified woman

so that was like, that's after all that Me Too shit and he comes out with that, but like I found it quite interesting about like, so Rob Schneider when they all did that SNL he supposedly Bill Murray absolutely despised

adam sandler i could see why i know no i don't have any personal beef with adam sandler but comedians comedians are very snobby they get some they look down on each other they're very judgmental with each other so i'd say adam Sandler represents something that Bill never had or you know I've always said it hate is a mirror hate's a mirror you're just reflecting back the person you hate has something you want or is doing something you want to do so obviously Adam triggers Bill in some way but the funniest bit was when I say funny I mean I mean in the traditional sense when he put Seth Green in the bin did you hear about this I didn't know oh my god as a nine year old so Seth Green child

child star again they don't have the best reputation in the world on set I think it was SNL and he was sitting on Bill's seat

he was sitting on what Bill thought to be his seat well it was a giant couch and he was sitting on the arm of the couch so he wasn't taking

the whole seat Bill was like get off that's my seat even apparently Seth's mother was like Seth get off that's Bill's seat couch and he was sitting on the arm of the couch so he wasn't taking the whole seat bill's like get off that's my seat even apparently seth's mother was like seth get off that's bill's seat and seth was like no i'm not going anywhere now play to him as a nine-year-old no that but that in itself would suggest what what kind of a nine-year-old you are like come on you get off bill's seat anyway look i'm not justifying it but Bill picked her up by the ankles and threw her in a bin

now it was the 80s there was kids were getting thrown in the bin at all times in the 80s I spent most of my childhood in a bin

and I'm grand sometimes I want to throw tea in the bin there I said it exactly you put a lid on that thing it's like an isolation tank get a lot of thoughts

get a lot of thinking done in there it's just tea was asking where his nanny Jane was the other day and i was like put her in the bin and he's looking at the bin i was like and he's like no you didn't i was like put her in the bin no you didn't and then he went over and looked in the bin she wasn't in the bin i didn't throw her in the bin what an idiot it was the 80s children were in a bin or the boot of a car that's where that's where children were that's where children were supposed to be

do you remember driving along in the car right and now you have to like be all buckled up and kids are all in their car seats I'd be lying across the back window just chilling on my game boy and like you'd have

about 19 kids in the back of the car exactly it was carnage I don't know I think hang out in a bin elevate out I hope Seth did a lot

of thinking in that bin I suppose he got out of the bin and went to the dressing room and just cried, he said. Yeah, and it's not the worst thing to happen to a child star from what I'm reading in the 80s.

There was a lot of other shit going on, Seth, so, you know what I mean? At least he chucked you in the bin. I'm actually surprised by that, but like, do you know what? If it was just the Seth Green thing chucking him in the bin, I could, I could,

he's, all I'm saying is he's off my dinner party list. My problem is he put Seth in the bin head first. How do youing him in the bin I could he's all I'm saying is he's off my dinner party list my problem is he put Seth in the bin head first how do you put him in feet first we wouldn't even be

having this conversation but it was the fact that he put him in head first it's a bit dangerous it's a bit yeah there's something it's not

but he was obviously trying to teach Seth the lesson and the lesson I think it has been learned we've wiped out something like And the lesson, I think it has been learned. We've wiped out something like 70% of the animal population, by the way. That's really depressing, isn't it?

So you should be ashamed of yourself, Joanne. What? Yes, 70% of the animal population have been wiped out by humans. Hang your head in shame. I think the skeezy I think the skeezy part is what makes it kind of like unforgivable but I'm hope I don't know well if he paid her off 100 grand I don't know I just surprised he's a skeezball I'm absolutely not surprised at all are you not no not at all no I'm not I'm not. They're all like, show me a famous male actor in his 70s

who hasn't misbehaved and show me a eunuch. What the hell is a eunuch? A man with no genitals. Oh, I'll show you one of them. I don't mean actually show, it was more like a rhetorical thing. There's a boy band called Eunuch.

Well, that's really weird. I never heard that word that so eunuch so they used to castrate boys back in the day if they were in a choir so they could sing soprano so because it because you're so your balls drop your voice drops so to stop their balls dropping they'd castrate them oh my god they'd cut their whole dick off if it means they can hit those high notes okay no game i don't want to hear a fucking man in his 80s singing we're walking in the air

like hitting all the soprano if you do hear those and he's hitting the soprano notes he's a eunuch another thing I saw

I sent you this I like I love the rock I think Joe do you love the rock everyone loves the rock everyone loves the rock this person

was at a concert or I don't know what it was they basically crowd surfed their baby up to the rock crowd surfed him

the whole way up just so the rock could hold his baby it's very Pope John Paul Croke Park vibes when the Pope came to Ireland Joe

people were throwing their babies up on the stage so the Pope could you know lift the baby or whatever yeah

well this time around the streets the stage so the Pope could, you know, lift the baby or whatever. Yeah! Well, this time around, this time around, the streets were empty for the Pope. Firing them up like little hand grenades. They just, babies just falling out of the sky,

landing on the stage and then he'd blast them and kick them back into the crowd. That's what I heard. God, they did fling their kids up. Pope John Paul, everyone kind of liked him.

It's when the other fella came, Pope Francis, no one, no one even bothered going out in the streets to him. I know him. when the other fella came Pope Francis no one even bothered going out in the streets to him I know I take a blessing off Pope Francis you have the moral compass

I was going to say you have the moral compass of a serial killer but I'm probably the same so excuse me I have very high morals oh my god I nearly forgot I nearly forgot

where's my phone I did a call out for questions because and it's interesting the difference in the questions that people had for us because I was actually going to do a quiz for Joanne and then I thought it would be actually more interesting to get um questions off you guys and unlike Joanne I have starred them so you won't be waiting 90,000 hours to get but they don't they don't know we wait 90,000 hours because we well Jo you're welcome I've starred them unlike that

little witch now there's loads to choose from because actually there was a lot of very good questions so oh there was this one what did the girls say to joanne on the stage um see i got a lot of them i was desperate to know what that was uh what's your worst habit i'm my worst habit is probably flaking on things yeah i'm a bit of a flake. I get overwhelmed. But I don't know. So I don't have a lot of time off at the moment. So if I have a day off, I'll look ahead and it'll excite me to make a plan. Do you know what I mean?

Because I'll be like, oh, great. I can see someone. I'll do something. I'll go out. I'll go blah, blah, blah. Big brunch. Go this. And then when the day comes, of course, I'm absolutely, you know,

interested. I'm wrecked. Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of cancelling going on at the moment. I'd say that's my worst habit I don't

I wouldn't I kind of like when I get a cancel mine is I probably I probably don't do enough with other people

like Amber goes out and lives her best London life and I'm kind of like no I kind of want to just stay in tonight and then I'm like I really

I feel like the other day oh god I was caught in my scooter by two people I know and they actually slagged me. So I know it looks bad. But anyway, I was out in my scooter

and I was going home and I was like scooting home and I thought, God, I'm such a loser now. That's me for the night. I'm going home at four o'clock in the day and I don't plan on going anywhere else.

Scooting home, there's never, there has, I don't think I've ever heard an unsexier term in my life. If you knew how, I'm taking the scooter with me today as well, by the way.

It's so handy. I told you, I'm considering buying an electric one. Would you call each other in an emergency? Yes, we do do that. Yeah, I would.

We like to have a good rant at each other for that. Who would make a better prime minister? I don't think I'd want the job to be honest with you liz trust is getting absolutely battered like no thank you i don't think any of us would be good for that job god love her is she as bad as they say i don't know i have me keeping an eye i don't really keep an eye i don't know why anyone go into politics everyone hates you like why would you do that to yourself absolutely horrific if you had a hundred pounds to spend on me what would you buy me you're impossible to buy for okay go on what would you buy me because you've so you've

you just have everything you need if I was going to get you something I would get you I'd get vouchers I always think vouchers for you for restaurants things like that facials I like lip balms you've you've a sea of lip balms in your drawers. I don't, I never have enough lip balms ever because I use them so much. I'd buy you the coil. That's what I'd buy you. I'm telling you, I don't know if I want a fourth shot.

It's like babies in this house. You're going to do it. I know you're going to do it. I don't know. I don't know. I'll let you go first. Oh, I liked this one. What three things does Vogue or Joanne have on their bedside locker?

On the locker, not in the drawers, by the way. You don't want to know what's in her drawers. Well, I'm not allowed to have anything in my locker because I live with a fucking serial killer. So does he not have anything on top? Everything is cleaned away. It doesn't matter how much I try to make a stamp in this house. I'm always cleaned. I'm always brushed into a drawer.

What's in your drawer then? Three things. Honestly? Books, meds, money. Money in your drawer. Mine is lip balm, book and earplugs. What's your favorite thing about each other that's a tough one

is there anything else I've had a mind blank fuck yeah that is a tough one it's really tough really tough you're okay you

are okay and that's it thank you for listening to the podcast we've had a really lovely time and if you would like to send your questions in

send them in to hello at mtgmpod.com that's it from myself and Joanne P.S. shows coming up with tickets

Birmingham Leeds Ipswich Corn Exchange From myself and Joanne. P.S. Shows coming up with tickets. Birmingham. Leeds. Ipswich. Corn Exchange. Oh, and I'm also, I've released a Dubai date and a New York date. New York, baby.

I want to come to New York. Ipswich, by the way. I remember I used to collect football stickers to put in those football books. No interest in football at all. Did you ever collect them? No, what?

Oh my God god i loved them i just i know all the football teams because of it yeah you see that one