My Therapist Ghosted Me - Trinny, Cornrows & Hot Rodent Boyfriends

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Hopefully those couple of weeks without Vogue & Joanne flew by, because they're back! With Vogue in Tanzania and Joanne in London, there's plenty to catch up on, including Vogue's hairstyle choices and how it went when TRINNY came to visit.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me, coming from Zanzibar and Joanne in London. Hello. Hello, Africa. Hello, London. Hello, London. Guys, I'm so excited to be on this pod. I haven't, when I say I haven't had two hours alone, I mean within 24 hours of the whole day.

Because Otto's now taken to sleeping in the bed with me since we've been away. Like there is not, there is not even two hours. And I'm so excited for this because i have some really important news to tell you joanne particularly what so i feel like joe joe knows this no he doesn't know it i have a new favorite drink that i like the taste of jesus folk we're hoping for an exclusive to get us back with the bang. This is, listen to the end of it. My new favorite drink

is a margarita. What the hell have I been missing out on? Oh my God. Sorry, we have not been on this pod for the guts of three weeks and that's your news. You're in Africa on safari and that's your big news that now you drink margaritas i only started drinking them yesterday and i have

not stopped since a stomach torn out of myself with all the lime but they are so delicious ah they are now you can't beat it you can't beat a spicy marg i've never oh i haven't had a spicy marg now i'm only having marg no salt. A spicy Marg is very delish. I'm actually having a little G&T just because, well, I'm awake. It's like, when Brian was like, stop it, don't build this up. Don't justify this. We're past that stage. I do have a work in progress later and I do feel I perform better

with a teeny tiny bit of alcohol in my system. It's the same for everybody and no offence to everybody who doesn't know that about yourself yet but if you have two drinks you're a much better version of yourself.

You're 100% better than you were before the two drinks. You're a hundy? A hundy? No. I'm happy to go with the hundy piece

to be honest with you. Oh my god. I'll tell you why I feel so fancy right because I never drank cocktails from the age of 18 because there used to be a place next door

well it's still there Finlayters it's this pub in Hoth and they had this place called Sky Bar Open and we lived in the apartments next to it and we knew the barman and he was like

come over and taste the cocktail menu and we were like we'd known many of the times we were like oh my god brilliant we're being brought over for free cocktails I have never been

so violently ill after all the cocktails and that's why I've never had one since the age of 18 and now I'm back on them at the age 20 years later

20 years later and do you know what that's very you 20 years to get over a grudge very vogue that sounds about right to me I think that was a bit early myself. It's only a quick 20 year turnaround.

I have an extra neighbour that I don't like since I was like 12 and I really don't like them and I still hold a grudge against them. I know. Some of the grudges, they just get into your system and there's just no letting them go.

Some of them you actually kind of enjoy. Because there was someone that I really didn't like for a very long time. And then I lost interest in disliking them. And I was like, what do I do with my spare time now? Where do my thoughts go? Do you know what I mean? What do I think about? To be fair, it's rare to dislike somebody that much.

And you don't dislike anyone that much. I don't really dislike anyone that much. I really don't. I really don't. But you know what I am that much I don't really dislike anyone that much I really don't I really don't but you know what I am learning a lot of people dislike me maybe that's for another pod this is what I am learning

and Vogue you're also in that bag by the way part I know excuse me if I'm oblivious a lot of people don't like us

if I'm oblivious to people not liking me I'd like to stay there stay that way the same place that Spencer Matthew lives because I live with him we think we're great no one says anything mean about us because we don't hear it

or see it so it doesn't happen I wish to join you on Dooloo Island I would like to go I would like a one way ticket to your Dooloo Island because I'm suddenly very aware John you just did such a I don't care what everyone else says about you

I really like you yeah do you remember that that tweet that went around for me it was like if you ever want to like cause carnage at a party

go up to someone and be like I just want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here so there was you know the way

some people accidentally reply to you oh no you it actually wasn't that bad but so basically you know the way some people accidentally reply to you? Oh, no. You. It actually wasn't that bad. But so basically, you know that kind of mint green Sandro outfit that you then bought for Sorry, that I bought immediately.

But you could have just borrowed mine. I know. But you know what? The reason I didn't is because I'm wearing it to Glastonbury and I don't want to wreck it. Got it. Fair enough. Fair enough.

That is fair enough. But if it's that amazing, I might give the one i bought to amber for her birthday and then i'll borrow yours for glastonbury perfect yeah yeah yeah the shorts are a little short but anyway they're shorty shorts but anyway um i like hoary stuff anyway so it's great yeah no they're quite horrid um i posted a photo of myself in my mint green so i was feeling myself i was filming and i was filming and feeling and this poor bitch replied to me but she didn't realise

she was replying to me and she's like oh my god I mean I love Joanna Vogt but their style is appalling I can't get over

how bad their style is what I refuse to believe that about myself I can and then she said I do love them but

So I obviously replied Straight away Excuse me Excuse me I Have never Looked better Which goes

Oh god Sorry about that Big fan of the I actually cannot believe Anyone would say that If I had that outfit I had to buy it Straight away I couldn't stop laughing Because then folks were like Oh my god I just bought it Love it I actually cannot believe anyone would say that of a thought I hate that outfit I had to buy it straight away

I couldn't stop laughing because then folks were like oh my god I just bought it love it I actually had to use three different cards to try and buy that from Tanzania

I was like I was like everyone's gonna get it it's 30% off you got it for 30% off? oh you didn't oh god oh no that's bad for you

but good for me you mean so anyway I would like to thank you for sending me on Safari I went with oh yes

it was my contact indeed but you're welcome it was a very East Africa experience and I have to say they're so nice it's an Irish company really really nice

And like Cause like But the whole way through it I've been like I don't think Duran would have done this I don't think Like did you get up

For safari At six in the morning Yes Like what Yes of course I did What do you think I just went over On safari

Just lay by the pool And ignore And just threw Fucking rocks At the elephants Of course I did Yeah Did I ask

Did I ask for a later leave time Yes What was your leave time What was your leave time Something barbaric Like five or four Or something I don't know

Sorry Oh sorry Come on No You have to leave at half six I had to be up with Like And I was like I didn't know that you could just like Dec. Come on. No, you have to leave at half six. I had to be up with like,

and I was like, I didn't know that you could just like decide when to go. I wanted to go see the animals. But by the end of it, and I know this sounds bad. I was like, oh God, there's another fucking giraffe.

There were so many of them. Yeah. Now we didn't see all of them. We didn't see a rhino and we didn't see a leopard. Did Spencer try and shoot any of them and wear them as coats? Of course.

We've come home with three zebra I'm like What a gorgeous handbag you have I'm suspicious One giraffe coat You have to get stuck in over there Don't you? Like you kind of

Oh yeah You know Yeah yeah You absolutely have to But I was thinking right If we were animals Because I've learned I was also thinking that

You probably didn't learn much About the animals But elephants are the most dangerous. Sorry, what is, what's happening here? The only reason you're in Africa is because of me, folk. I fucking

invented safari, okay? It's my contact. I contacted you with a contact there and my contact is why you're there. Okay, I'm just trying to teach you a few bits and bobs that you mightn't have picked up along the way. Bit more respect. That's what I'm saying here. I have classed us into animals.

I think I would be an elephant because they eat all day and then they sleep for like most of the night. You would be a lion because they're up all nighters. Oh, because of the hair. No, because they're up all nighters. Oh. Yeah of the hair. No, because they're up all nighters. Oh. Yeah, they stay up all night and go to bed during the day. Do they? Oh, you see?

Do you remember me when I came back from the safari that I gifted to you then? Now, I said that the buffalo was, the buffaloes hold grudges. So you'd be the buffalo. The buffaloes will remember who fucked them over and come back and attack them. I remember our tour guide telling us that. He was like, the buffaloes are the worst ones. Yeah, but the buffalo, you can climb a tree and they can't even get you then. Like elephants will chase you down and stamp on you until they get you.

It is amazing though, isn't it? Like seeing them out in the wild like that. I saw giraffes fighting. They did the neck fight. Oh, amazing. Yeah, I was really happy about that. What's been your favourite

part of the safari so far? I actually liked all the different parts separately. I think it was organised really well, but it's nice to end up in Zanzibar.

But do you know the beach that you go on? So there's loads of local women who are trying to like they come up to you with all these pictures of hair but it's all like full cornrows and stuff and they're so insistent that you get the cornrows i'm like if i get cornrows and go back to london i will be done so bad for cultural appropriation and i'm like and they're so insistent on it and

it's like no really i can't maybe can't. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. Please stop asking me. I would pay, I think, 10 grand for you to come home with cornrows. I would. I'd contribute 10. I would, yeah. How much would you pay, Joe? I'd chuck a tenner on it, mate.

I'd throw a tenner on that. You'd throw a tenner. So 10 grand and 10 quid for you to be in the Daily Mail walking around Soho with a full head of cornrows Oh no I can't I've got the baby and she's like no sit on the beach I was like no honestly Tomorrow, just tomorrow You're like I was just trying to be sound

I'm actually going to read out something I read earlier It was really funny So there's Taylor Swift dancer wears kilt after cultural appropriation fears so one of taylor swift dancers um has insisted he was careful to be respectful to scottish history fearing accusations of cultural appropriation he's got it he's kind of in a very camp pose and he's like head to toe in tartan. He's like, I've always wanted an authentic kilt, but I wanted to be super respectful about the culture.

So prior to purchasing, I had an extensive conversation with the salesman who educated me so wonderfully about kilts, accessories, Scottish history, Scottish last names, tartans, the thistle, etc. He assured me. He assured me that I could wear this outfit with pride so that's what I'm doing he then struck

a series of poses in his new outfit in central Edinburgh it's so funny like the work that has to go in to wearing someone else's culture

imagine imagine yourself Taylor Swift's dancer Lynn List learned about the thistle so he could just get a couple of thirst traps in a kilt

my god I'm sorry your man selling all the gear to him isn't going to be like no it's Grant endless learned about the thistle so he could just get a couple of thirst traps in a kilt. My god. And so your man selling all the gear to him isn't going to be like, no, it's grand. It's grand. Go on. As if he's going to be like, that's not right, pal. That's not right, pal. Look how fancy I look. No more vodka diet coke for me Trying to hide the

I'm fancy I'm a fancy bitch Oh I Sorry I understand Okay she needs more on this Okay Oh my god Vogue That glass really suits you

Thank you Anyway you didn't get the cornrows in the end. Fair play. I didn't get the cornrows. I thought that it wasn't actually, it wasn't right. We go home tomorrow though. I'm actually looking, you know when you finish the end of a holiday, you know it's been a good holiday when you're ready to go home at the end of it.

Totally. Yeah, you're like ready to come home. Yeah, the laziness is full on. Well, in my world. Yeah. You're going to know obviously because obviously I've a plaster I did see it All over the world But you're not gonna believe Who was in my bathroom yesterday

Before I've even been to your house Go on who? Trini Trini Trini She doesn't even need a surname She's like Cher Trini I think we just call her

Trini London now That's not even a real surname But like it's just Trini London Well obviously me and Trini Are best friends So I just call her Trin now Or T Oh you and Trini Are best friends now Okay cool great That's nice I was like it's just Trinny London well obviously me and Trinny are best friends so I just call her Trin now or T

oh you and Trinny are best friends now okay cool great that's nice I was like hey Trin Trin why don't you redirect your mail to her house well to say I needed a moving truck to get all my post out of Vogue's case it was quite embarrassing you would want to see this file Jo I was like Jo, when are you coming home?

It's okay for now, but there's quite a lot here. I went down. I actually put it all in a black cab to get it up to mine, and your man's like, are you moving house? And I was like, nope. Nope. Just some packages. Just some packages.

That's so funny. So Trini came over. So obviously she has Trini London and it's like skincare and makeup and all that jazz and her team were like

would you like to film some content with Trini and I was like would I what and they were like she'd like to do it in your bathroom

and I was like my bathroom so okay this is like a royal visit to my flat kind of is I was thinking to myself where would I put her

in my house I don't think there's anywhere I could have her is anyone's bathroom ready for the internet I was like oh my god I'm going to have to get fairy lights for the toilet. I was thinking to myself, where would I put her in my house? I don't think there's anywhere I could have her. Is anyone's bathroom ready for the internet? I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to get fairy lights for the toilet bowl. I was like, I don't know what to do here. I'm going to have to,

like, how do I jazz this up? Where's the forbreed? There was so much potpourri in the sink, it looked like a cat litter. I was like just desperately trying to make it all glam. Anyway, I got up. I was like, it's Trini Day. And put on a full face of makeup.

Did my hair. I never do my hair. But you know what I mean? I just kind of like brushed it. And put on a nice outfit. And I was ready for Trini. And then her team arrived. And they were like, oh, no, no, no.

This is skincare. So like you need to take all that off. And Trini wants you to have like a bare face. And I was like, well, what Trini wants, Trini gets. So I was like, I'm just going to be bald in the face. Just like raw dogging it on the internet with Trini wants you To have like a bare A bare face And I was like Well what Trini wants Trini gets So I was like I'm just going to be Bald in the face Just like raw dogging it

On the internet with Trini I was like I'm going to do it I'm happy to do that And then when she came in Next thing I knew I was in my bra Stop

She's always in her bra On the internet I love her clothes I love her clothes so much We touched tits Did you? Like naked tits? You really are best friends

I've never touched Oh no I have I have Yeah we have Yeah we have never touched oh no I have I have yeah we have yeah we have she took her bra I took I was down to my bra

she took her bra off she just had like a little tail around it wasn't the old bra from ghosted was it no do you know do you know what bra

do you know what bra I was wearing would you believe no I don't know if you remember but one time it might have been I can't remember

if it was Prosecco or Ghosted Either of those live shows But I turned up To work one night And I hadn't brought I wasn't wearing a bra I can't remember why

And I had to borrow Mary the tour manager's bra Stop And you never gave it back to her And I never gave it back to her So I She actually said Keep it your grant

I had to strip Mary of her brassiere so that I could go on stage with a bra because you couldn't really do a show with no bra and coincidentally

that was the bra I was wearing is there anything Mary hasn't done for you honestly that poor woman she treats you

like her own child like I don't even think my mum would do shit like that for me No way So anyway Me and Trini got on really well

We had a real We had a real girls Girls morning in the bathroom Me and Trini got on Trini, Trini, Trini So anyway Do you know what she said When she arrived in

Where's Vogue? I was like oh Trini Yeah No you actually never came up Isn't that strange Never once mentioned you Oh doesn't it Isn't that weird

okay fine I'm just gonna she was like you do a podcast and I said yes and she goes with who I said nobody just to my own

just me just me just all me when she arrived in she said to me straight away and I was like oh you're smart

she said tell me how long did it take you to clean the flat for me to come over and I said that's a that's very on point

Trini did you how long did you spend you to clean the flat for me to come over? And I said, that's very on point, Trini. Did you? How long did you spend cleaning your house? Did you actually do that? Well, I had to. What? Of course. There's just, there's no way I could ever have my house.

Like, we have a neighbour in our block and, like, she's so tidy. And, like, my house isn't dirty at all. Like, I spend, like, it just, I love it being clean, but it will never be clean enough for some people. Like people will just walk in and be like, oh God, dirty. But it's just shite everywhere. Like the kids shite is just everywhere. Your house is very clean.

But so when Trini was leaving then, she just ran to me. She was like, I'd love to open your wardrobes. And she just opened my wardrobes. And of course in the wardrobe was everything that I hid to tidy from Trini. And I was like, oh oh wow a bag of laundered money and three dildos just fell out I was like oh shit oh my god I love her though

I think she's so fun she's an icon let's call it what it is I would agree with you actually there yeah she touched my decolletage and she moved the grizzle out of my jaw with her bare hands. All in all it was a successful morning.

What grizzle from a like when you get a facial? I'm desperate for a facial. No she just kind of moved my she said that she rightly identified that my issue was a little bloating in the face and that I needed a more chiseled jawline and that there was a way

of kind of massaging that. Then we were kind of slapping our lymph nodes and all. It was quite tribal actually. A bit like doing the haka. That sounds quite nice actually. Let's see if Trini's free

for me next week. Yeah, she's now. You are, but yeah. Okay, fine. No, don't bother. I'm going to invite. She actually said to me, do you work with Folk Williams? And I said, I used to but now she's not. Don't bother. I'm going to invite. She actually said to me, do you work with Vogue Williams?

And I said, I used to, but now she's dead. She died on Safari. So it's just me. I was trying to, I was trying to think of somebody else

Trini-esque that I can invite over and piss you off, but I actually can't think of anybody. I'm going to get Davina McCall to come over. Davina McCall's

coming to my house. Davina's coming over. We're talking about the menopause. You're not invited. Hey, Dav. I can't wait to hear your contribution about the menopause.

You don't even go here. You know anything about the menopause, Vogue? I'm sweating again right now. I can feel it coming for me. It's hunting me down. You're in Tanzania. I'm in Tanzaniaania i prefer it being called tanzania they call it tanzania and we've ruined it by calling it tanzania this poor fucker was um i saw him when we were walking back to the room and he was like what's going on where is everyone because we're in like quite a quiet resort it's really nice

but they're villas so everybody um is this where you were trying white sands with loads of villas and stuff yes yes yes yeah so they're all villas and like this guy so everyone like chills in their villa because it's like they're big enough they've all got a pool and stuff like that and this one guy was like i booked a trip here for like five days where is everybody i can't find anyone i was like oh dude you gotta go down the beach that's where like there's actual people he's like i haven't spoken to anyone in two days. Like, where is it? Go to breakfast or something. That's why it has very strong honeymoon vibes. Like, it's quite private.

Like, you're just basically, you know, it's a bit of a, it's a bit of a, you know, it's a honeymoon location, I would think. Did you walk down the beach at all

when you were here? To all the other places? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to walk, we used to walk loads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to walk loads. Yeah, like, Vogue, I did leave. Like, what is this?

Yeah, we used to walk. We walked loads of times. I walked loads of times. Did you see the sea? Yeah. Do you think I just slept for two weeks in Africa and was just lifted around by tour guides? Like an unconscious, like...

John, I would say you slept for a lot of the time here. You're a sleeper. You like a sleep. You like a slept for a lot of the time here you're a sleeper you like a sleep you like a snooze I wouldn't say you're most of a tourist vibe that's all I was asking

no imagine just rolling me from venue to venue snoring in a sleeping bag like could I imagine you at the elephant sanctuary no I could not I'm sorry I could not

like oh Joanne there's a giraffe giving birth I'm just like I open my eyes sometimes folk I'm sorry I could not. Like, oh, Joanne, there's a giraffe giving birth. I'm just like. I open my eyes sometimes, Vogue. I take things in. Okay.

Hakuna Matata. Sorry, I've started speaking the language here. Jambo. I meant to open the pod with Jambo. It's Vogue here from Africa. Do you know the way you just said Vogue? Did I? Yeah.

Okay. I Okay I'm doing As I said Work in progress Is at the moment And so I have this new app Well I mean I don't have it It's just

Like an AI Yes So you can put your You can put your voice recording in And it obviously Like transcribes it for you And there's a bit about In the show

It's kind of part of the old show really where I'm talking about having a lesbian soul and you know I'm always trying to like kind of distance myself from having this Dublin

Southside accent it transcribed it as lesbian cell oh stop C-E-L-L and I was like wow I've got a lesbian cell I've got a lesbian cell

well you are from the poshest place in Dublin Did you know that Jo? She is the posh You don't get any posh In the Dwarf McNally I kind of thought The accent had gone away

But clearly according to My AI chat UBT bot It clearly has not Lesbian soul Beg Beg Beg Beg

Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg

Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg

Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg

Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg

Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Beg Big news Vogue and I are going to do

Ghosted Live in Toronto I'm so excited Do you know what funnily enough I know we're getting lots of messages about Vancouver

but we're doing Toronto for now I got one about I got one about Ottawa and I was like Joanne listen we're not going to Ottawa for one person

it's not happening I'm sorry Joanne did that for us she hit them up we're not doing it again We're not doing it again we're not doing it again we did try we actually in fairness

to us we did try and fit Vancouver into this time it just didn't work with dates and venues and stuff so it's Toronto we're doing

and we can't wait this was where I lost my mind on the edibles do you remember oh my god are they legal over there they're legal yeah don't even look at me

don't even look at me I'll be too busy on the margaritas I don't even look at me I'll be on the I'll be too busy on the margaritas I don't want anything to slow me down so by the time this airs the tickets will be

on general sale yeah June 14th at 10am EST we're going to be there on the 12th of October which is very exciting it's my birthday around then

so I'll still be celebrating 10 days later but I'll still be celebrating I expect I expect a cake on stage with candles oh god 28

and we all and we have New York and Boston of course on the 10th and 11th of October and then we go straight to Toronto for the 13th of October Elon Musk hooked up a tribe

in the Amazon with the internet and now they're all hooked to porn yeah hooked on porn this is what it's so funny

it's like we try to pretend the internet is like really valuable for e-commerce but ultimately at the end of the day it's just somewhere that everyone wants to watch

some poor bitch get DP'd on a couch it's just honestly like nice choice Joanne nice choice sorry I'm sorry wants to watch some poor bitch get DP'd on a couch. It's just, honestly, like, nice choice, Joanne.

Nice choice. Sorry, I'm sorry. Jesus. But I mean, let us learn from the Amazonian tribe. That is all we are. We are just sex pigs.

Yeah, it's the whole human race so you actually can't deny it. Do you know there was these people that were going to do a study? They were trying to do a study on boys that had watched porn and then uh study them against boys that had not watched porn they had to abandon the study because they could not find anyone who would not watch porn like what are you serious yes it's so bad it's a porn as well

porn's not completable like you will you'll never it's not like back in the day when like you'd have like a magazine and you'd be like well I didn't Joe

you did you dirt but before it's progressive it's you get progressively worse and worse and progressively more perverse and then suddenly you need to be punched

in the face to finish I know and everyone's going on to like V or headsets now. It's like, oh my God, honestly, you fucking sad loser. You're literally wanking off to V or headsets. I know. I mean, ultimately, I honestly think, I mean, there's no point. We're too far gone.

But like, especially as a single woman who, you know, isn't regularly sexually active that I would be open to watching porn on a regular basis however

what happens when I take a lover again what happens then when you get reliant yeah on a certain situation needing a certain situation in your ears

because you know the way the women my clits in my ears and then I take a lover again and I'm like you're gonna have to call me at Dirty Films

or this isn't happening buddy I mean I I don't know I don't know what to tell you like here's a script just shout that at me

that'd be great I don't think there's there's nothing wrong with a certain level of porn but like when was the first time that you watched porn I remember the first time oh god I hope my mum

doesn't hear this but I know she's been sneaky listening but mine was when I was younger and it was on the hotel and you know that like you just click it on

and I was like oh holy fuck I've just clicked on the porn and now my mum's gonna know that I bought porn and it was on the hotel. And you know, like you just click it on. And I was like, oh, holy fuck, I've just clicked on the porn. And now my mum's going to know that I bought porn. And I didn't mean to buy the porn because maybe I had to pay for the movies. Yes. But I certainly got my money's worth on that trip. But like, why? Never was there a word said because I watched it nonstop.

There was nothing else on the telly, just the porn. But I was only about 16. I was only I was only about 16 I remember I was I was in Thailand on holidays With a boyfriend of mine

And And There was Remember they used to sell All the fake DVDs and stuff And I bought Some of our friends Porn

That I thought was hilarious And one was called One was literally Named Gaping Assholes Was the name Of the porn The name of the poor DVD. You know what you're going to get?

It does exactly what it says on the tin. Like, why try and dress it up? Do you know what I mean? Like, two girls, one fish. What was that one, Jo? One cup. Two girls, one cup. I mean, that's quite mysterious.

You don't know what you're getting. Gaping Assholes. You know what it is. Gaping Assholes. You know know what you're getting gaping assholes you know what it is gaping assholes you know exactly what you're getting I respect it do you know that painting by Edvard Munch where he's the scream just like the assholes gaping assholes

oh I know it I just have never I've never looked at it through those eyes before but thank you Vogue thank you I'm sorry if anyone is an Edvard Munch fan well no Vogue you know your art so if you say

that's the case that's the case big summer trend do you remember last summer was it the summer before I lose track where Rat Girl Summer

became the kind of trend as opposed to Hot Girl Summer Rat Girl Summer was kind of a more feral version of a woman kind of trend as opposed to Hot Girl Summer. Rat Girl Summer was kind of a more feral version of a woman kind of running around and eating scraps and kind of just living her little feral ratty life. Well now, Rodent Boyfriends are this summer's hot trend.

So instead of the kind of finance boy who's like six foot five, blue eyes, chest font, all that jazz, it's the little kind of ratty men with the small eyes and the petite penis

they don't we don't know we don't know if they have petite peen eyes I thought that was the whole thing no

it's because they look like rats they look like splinter I've completely misunderstood this I thought we were celebrating the dainty dick I thought that's what I thought that's what we were doing I genuinely did are we not no thought we were celebrating the dainty dick. I thought that's what we were doing.

I genuinely did. Are we not? No, we're not celebrating the dainty dick. We're celebrating the fact that they look like rats and everyone's starting to fancy rat men now. There has to be more to that. They're classing Jeremy Allen White as a rodent man. And you saw that picture of him for the past year.

I'm sorry. He is rodent-y. Sorry, that that picture of him for the past. I'm sorry. He is. Yeah, but he's rodent-y. He is. Sorry, that's being plugged now. Come on. No, they plug them. They stuff them. Of course they do.

We'd have to say allegedly there for Jeremy Allen White, because I'd sue. Allegedly they plug them. But I can tell you now, even if I was doing a boxer ad as a woman, I'd be like, you're plugging me. So if I was a lad, I would definitely be demanding it

I was quite concerned by the amount of the rodent men that I fancied on the list like pretty much all of them I think my type

is like a rodent type everyone looks like an animal I look like a horse obviously Afghan hound but yes hold on

so give me the list of lads on the rodent boyfriend list your man who was in the crown he played Prince Charles gorgeous like I fancy Hold on, so give me the list of lads on the rodent boyfriend list. Your man who was in The Crown. He played Prince Charles. Gorgeous. Like, I fancy, like, he's in my top five at the moment.

He's really hot. Timothée Chalamet. I just, I know he's not. Yes. There's something there. There's something there for me. He's a bit ratty in the face. Yeah, yeah.

Barry Kogan. I know I don't fancy him, but maybe that's because I feel like I could be married. I could be not married to him but maybe that's because I feel like I could be married I could be not married to him maybe it's because I feel like we could be related

or something no I just don't fancy him he's too small I'm a giant him I was watching him one of Hannah Burner's stories today

your friend and they were talking about him and Sabrina Carpenter doing that new music video and they were like and the girl was like why can't we just talk

about how small they are together they're just these like tiny people together they're both so small and pocket sized they're the perfect fit they're like two Polly Pockets

yes aren't they do you remember Polly Pockets Joe yeah they're like two Polly Pockets who found each other

I look at their love and I for the first time in a long time I'm, maybe I could go again. What do you mean to go again? To have a boyfriend again? I could maybe consider going one more time.

Once more, once more into the electric fence of love. Once more. Joanne, once more, get an actual grip. You're like like you're a fucking child I know I'm strung out and hinch fucking cleaning up over there sending roses getting roses

anyone over 50 I send them a wreath you're gonna be like Rupert Murdoch like getting married for the ninth You're going to be You're going to be like Rupert Murdoch Like getting married For the ninth time Honestly

That man is He's 93 He's 93 He's just gotten married Again It kind of doesn't Make any sense Like so

I have always said You know I did spend Some time While we've been apart I did I did a show In the K Club Which is a gorgeous kind of golf resort hotel. I'm surprised they got you out of there, to be honest with you.

Oh, yeah. Well, I was escorted out eventually. But as part of the gig, I was given a room in the K Club and I was given what I believe to be the bridal suite. And there was a wedding at the time. So I can't imagine she was too thrilled about that. Anyway, there I was. We can't get rid of her sorry we've tried It's like fucking She's nailed us to this collab

Like there's nothing we can do I'm like I'm not married So the bride's in like a twin room downstairs And I'm just like sauntering around Alone Boosting myself on hinge For 14.99 a day but I was thinking

I was like I always thought I would I'm not into marriage as we know I'm not big into it but I did feel if I fell at the last hurdle

I would elope you know it would be a very quick I would do the Vegas chapel thing for sure but then as I sat in my bridal suite in the K club

looking at someone else getting married I was like I don't know maybe I'm more conservative than I think you want the whole thing you at someone else getting married I was like maybe I'm more conservative than I think you want the whole thing you want the whole thing

maybe I'd like a bit of rigmarole I do just feel it gets to a point like where you're just like come on why bother

like you're 93 honestly why are you getting married oh I don't know why I don't know why he's doing it but with the wives it's kind of like

I feel like it's like the Hunger Games or something it's like who's going to make it with the wives, it's kind of like, I feel like it's like the Hunger Games or something. It's like, who's going to make it to the end? Like, who's going to be the last one standing when he finally pops his claws? Who's it going to be?

Please be me! Don't piss him off. Just behave. But of course, because ultimately when he, like, now I'd imagine that man's will is fucking bulletproof.

Ironclad, yeah. But, ironclad. Do they, when they divorce him, are they all getting half of what he has? No, no, no. It wouldn't work like that. But she, right?

Like, here is the problem. I'm going to go back in his eyes. Jerry Hall married him when he was only 85. He was a spring chicken back then. And that is why she did not make it to the final leg. This woman, this woman's been here before. This is her second billionaire she's married. Where the fuck are all these billionaires that they're marrying?

I don't understand how we haven't found any billionaires. And she's after getting her second one. And her daughter married Roman Abramovich. That's three billionaires in one family. What the hell? Well, I know myself. My social circle is the problem. Oh, really? Okay, so it's Joe and I that's the problem.

Well, I can't expect to drink in Wetherspoons and be billionaires. Do you know what I mean? Like, I can't. Like, that's not how it works. Yes, I do want to get pissed for 20 quid, but I do would also like to meet a billionaire, so I don't know. You know, I fall between two stools.

Jambo welcome to the podcast it's excuse me what you on? Nothing I literally opened my eyes. Hello Jambo and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me, coming from... It's giving Lindsay Lohan a mean girl, that's all, that's all I'm saying. But come on. It totally does. It is, yeah, yeah. Have you ever watched Triangle of Sadness? No. It's very good.

I recommend that, that's my recommendation for this week, watch Triangle of Sadness. It. It's very good. I'd recommend that. That's my recommendation for this week. Watch Triangle of Sadness. It's on Netflix. Very, very good. It's about rich people and it's all...

Triangle of Sadness. It's set on a yacht. It's very good. I think it was nominated for an Oscar, but don't quote me on that. I've got to be honest, it doesn't sound very sad.

I finally watched Ashley Madison. What a gobshite. For anyone who doesn't know, I mean, forhite for anyone who doesn't know I mean for any for the three people listening who don't know

what Ashley Madison is it's basically the scandal where Ashley Madison was a website set up for married people to have affairs yeah and then someone

hacked all the data and leaked it all and then all these people who'd been having affairs for whatever their reasons were their information was public and it yeah and they still don't know why they did it some people think it was like the that a lot of

that the divorce there was some divorce lawyers who wanted them to do it i don't i don't think they know why they did it in the end no they never ever found out why and there was and it's usually with hackers they usually find a reason for them doing it but it was just like oh god like how could you like give all like but i thought that website because i did a tv show about um sugar babies and it's a huge sugar baby website where like a lot of sugar babies go on and that's how they make their sugar daddies and like that's how they like do their whole thing obviously it's still a website for for married people but like i don't know i don't know like I suppose oh no I don't know I felt kind of like listen ethics aside anyone

when you're doing something private having it public knowledge is deeply unsound and traumatic yes

one man one man killed himself killed himself I know I know and his wife you know

is so nice I actually yeah I did feel really bad for him to lift the mood another nice. I actually, yeah, I did feel really bad for him. To lift the mood, another thing that I actually watched lately that I loved was Eric, which is on Netflix. Has anyone watched it?

I tried. I couldn't get into it. You didn't like it? I liked Eric. No, I don't know why. I just didn't. Missing children? No, I do not love missing children.

Well, tonight I do. They're gone for an hour. I'm thrilled about it. Sorry, I shouldn't say that. What do you love, Vogue? I love Benedict Cumberbatch, not missing children. The last time we did the pod,

I was in Abu Dhabi alone. Yeah. Just being a solo brave traveller. And remember, I got very badly burnt on my arse. Yeah. And my back. And I pretended it was kind of because I was alone. But ultimately, I'm completely physically capable of putting sun lotion on my arse.

I just didn't. So when I got back to Dublin I was working one night in my mum's kitchen and I was writing and I kept scratching my back

because it was all like peeling off and the next morning I came down and my mum was like Joanne were you opening packages in the kitchen

and I was like what were you opening packages I was like packages she goes what's all this I was like oh my god the floor was covered in skin she thought it was like wrapping she thought it was all this I was like oh my god the floor was covered in skin

she thought it was like wrapping she thought it was that kind of stuff that you get when you open an envelope that is disgusting thanks for listening

please like and subscribe if you're that way inclined and I've been Jemima McNally she's been Bob Williams he has I think been Joe we'll see you next Wednesday for all tickets

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