My Therapist Ghosted Me - Vegas, Wonka & Getting ID'd

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

Here they are, back again! Vogue's been off around Ireland, on tour with Spencer and Joanne has been to Las Vegas, of all places...If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. We're back. We've had a lovely relaxing break. A lovely... Well, I've definitely had a relaxing break. You look relaxed. Thank you. Yeah. I'm wearing a lot of makeup. How do I look? You look great. You look like you're still on your holidays. You've got the shades on.

Little sweat on the face. I said the second I get on your nail, she's going to be like, you've got the face sweats again. I've started sweating. What? Yeah. Even John. So I was training with John Belton. He was like, are you sweating? I was like, what yeah I've started even John so I was training with John Belton and he was like

are you sweating I was like yes I am what I think it's since I started sauna-ing a lot it's produced so much sweat that my body's like

oh hold on this is what we're supposed to do so I sweat all the time now you'll be happy to hear I think that's only a good thing because you need to get well I know you don't really have any toxins

but whatever you know I just think it's better to sweat yeah sweat behind the knees, sweat above the eyebrows, sweat under the top lip. I'm all about the sweat now. Very strange.

I bet it just kind of sits there, like glistening. No, you'd be thrilled. You'd be thrilled. Oh, really? You're really pumping it, are you? Yeah, really pumping it. Like, I think I'm going to have to power wash the sauna. What?

Yeah, I'm really sweating. Huge it is. I bought myself an outdoor sauna. There's no two ways of saying it. I haven't posted about it because I was trying to be relatable. But there it is. I think that should be said. I think just embrace who you are now.

I'll embrace power washing my sauna. Yeah, exactly. Did you do it yourself? Of course not. No. I haven't done it yet. I do power wash myself. Thank you very much. You power wash yourself. No. I haven't done it yet. I do power wash myself. Thank you very much.

You power wash yourself. No, not... I got Botox in my armpits ages ago. Do you remember? In a VOCA clinic did it. So I stopped wearing deodorant. Oh no.

I just stopped. And then I never got back into the... Never got back... Because I have this thing in my head. One of my friends is an oncology nurse and she was saying you shouldn't wear really strong deodorant

because it's really bad for you you're supposed to sweat out your toxins and you can get cancer and blah blah blah so I just stopped and I stopped wearing deodorant and then

okay Courtney Kardashian does she not use it either no does she not no yeah she's kind of she's earthy isn't she yeah but I mean

go on anyway tell me I'll just get a I'll just get a notion about something and decide oh I know that's the way you work yeah and then I just really commit

to that one thing so you're still not wearing a T.O. back on the Mitchum well for proper purpose right I find though that like sometimes if I like

if I go out like and I'm like at a party or something like I will definitely smell the next day yeah yeah I don't know when the smell comes on I'm hoping it was it's during my sleeping time and not at a party or something I will definitely smell the next day I don't know when the smell comes on

I'm hoping it's during my sleeping time and not at the party that's it I think it's gradual I don't think it's just like pow and I think it is

when you're sleeping for sure it's sweating in a safe space that's what we like to do there's nothing more repulsive when you're in the gym and you know when someone like reeks

but you know they reek because it's like two three day old clothes see it's different when it's old that kind of takes on a very acerbic, it's sinister it's sinister, you're right

you smell sinister today there's something sinister about this situation I'll never forget, do you remember that lad I saw doing a spinning class in Dublin, I'm going to love him no, what? you never told me no years ago this lad in a spinning class in Dublin No. Yeah. What? You never told me that. No. I didn't hear that. No.

It was years ago. This lad in the spinning class in Dublin, he was wearing a denim jacket and denim jeans and shoes. Why? I don't know. He's got his gym gear on, see. I don't know. I don't know. Was he just kind of new to the scene or what his situation was?

But, like, it was very hard to take your eyes off him as he spun around. I meant to tell you something looking like bewitched but how did you not tell us that I don't know but there was there was

God love him there was an odor there as well you know obviously you can't spin in denim you can't

spin in denim it's never been done before it shouldn't be done no I actually the other day I was getting on a flight home Svenny and I

are doing our shows so we started in Cork yeah so if anyone would like to come to Belfast we've got Belfast on Friday and then at the end of the month

we've got two Gaieties but I was on the flight home and I was little I was tiny but hungover because I'd gone from Cork I'd gone from Cork I had to go to Dublin

to do a bear event and then I and then I went I was flying home from Dublin and I saw this man and then I and then I went I was flying home from Dublin and I saw this man and I was like God I know him and I just kind of smiled

and he was right behind me and then and then I turned around he caught me because I kept looking at him a couple of times and I was like and then I thought

he worked in this pure agency in Dublin Pink House I was like oh yeah that's where I used to work yeah and I was like

I recognised him so much and then he and then because I kept staring at him he was like he was like hi and I was like hi sorry I just know you from somewhere and he was like I recognise him so much and then he and then because I kept staring at him he was like he was like hi and I was like hi sorry

I just know you from somewhere and he was like I'm friends with Juman and I was like ah and then I was thinking he worked in ThinkHead but he was that comedian

David O'Doherty oh yes yeah and he was talking to me yeah he was talking to me about like going to do a show that really famous comic

yes I know I was really hung over and then I was like oh my god because I was like I couldn't get him out of my head

because I was like he doesn't work in think house but he told me he was off to do a gig and I was like oh that's nice that's hilarious and he was like

I'm going to Australia for gigs and I was like oh no oh no it's bad that's like meeting Michael J Fox

and being like are you from Central where have I seen you and I knew him and then when I because I goog Central? Where have I seen you? And I knew him. And then when I, because I Googled him, because then I was like, he's a big comedian.

Like I know him. And then I was like, oh, that's a bit embarrassing. And he's also a really nice one. Really nice. Yeah, he's really sound. I did think he was sound. Yeah.

I kind of fancied him as well. He does very well with the ladies. Yeah, there's something about him. He's got a vibe. Very tall. Yeah. Like quite bare looking. Bare him he's got a vibe very tall yeah like quite bare looking

bare his father used to be a jazz musician I went really deep there I went you overdid it then yeah yeah yeah I really looked into him

yeah you're like oh my god I'm a huge fan of your father I'll know for next time yeah thanks your dad any gigs for your dad

he was going to Australia because it's the Melbourne Comedy Festival isn't it yeah he was going around in because it's the Melbourne Comedy Festival isn't it yeah he was going around in Australia I was like that's nice it'll be a lovely time

for you to go we're a big fan of Dad yeah I wanted to tell you something that happened that was very upsetting oh so I was in the co-op

you know the one around for my house and I was there was this girl in front of me and like she was wine a couple of bottles of wine

and the girl serving was like do you have ID and the girl was like no and she's like well i'm sorry you can't have the wine and i was like oh that's kind of bad i nearly wanted to buy it for her and but then i wasn't sure either because like i trusted the cashier's judgment and then the one got really really pissed off and she's like for god's sake i'm 36 blah blah and i was looking at her and then your one literally i had a bottle of absolute and it was over bottle of absolute ready to go and she just

clicked it straight through and then I made a joke to your one I was like well at least you don't look like me and she did not find it funny but I couldn't believe it it is very frustrating

when you're like come on you know I would have been thrilled if I'd been sent home with no vodka no it's fun at the start when you're

when you're getting ID'd but then you're when you're getting ID'd but then you're like at my stage in life I just want the booze no just give it to me

I don't want this hassle I don't need the compliment okay I felt like that woman was better than me she looked younger how could anyone look younger than you

that would be a failure of science I couldn't believe it people do that look at this day to me at the moment I honestly I keep saying it I've never looked worse

you have though are you sure yeah you have thank you that's very kind when did she look worse let's name a few times so she can feel worse

one is fine actually remember when you had to be in the dark and you were like doing witness protection yes yes that one was probably worse yeah you're right actually

we didn't even see you face to face that day and we just knew you looked worse well I did ask Joe to move the camera to behind my head here and he said it would look

like I was interviewing you so he wouldn't do that. Well, it is your podcast. According to the Daily Mail, that's all I do is interview you every week. Speaking of podcasts. Oh, yes.

I need to listen. I have a new podcast out. So everyone get their phones out like I'm doing now. Go on to podcasts and like and subscribe. Yeah. Very important.

It's called Who Replaced Avril Lavigne? So there's a replacement theory about Avril that she just wasn't having a good time and that she either unalived herself or

that's what they say on TikTok she unalived herself you say unalived yeah I think if you talk about if you reference

suicide directly with that term they take it down or something oh because people say that that happened yeah so that either

she unalived herself and was replaced like it's ridiculous oh because you're one suddenly she was a better singer and an inch higher and everyone's like

aha see you later old Avril Lavigne yeah so anyway but so I was tagged in I didn't realise Avril Lavigne fans are like

they think that I'm kind of dragging up some old messy juice on Avril so I'm getting absolutely ripped out of it on Twitter oh god Rita one of them's trying to

punch you in the face stop yeah and I was like I'm quite bloated I wouldn't mind a bit of movement in there to be honest do you respond to them or no? no no no

I was like will I engage in this now and be like it's like take the piss pot it's not a real you know it's not real but I was like oh my god imagine like this is how is this the most

controversial thing I know They're just wildly Avril Their stance Yeah Anyway I don't know where

It's going to end If I disappear That's so funny That they picked But they picked up On it so quickly Well this Avril Lavigne Fan Twitter account

Tweeted about it And I was like Oh that's nice And then they all piled in it's all about who is she anyway I don't even know

comedian you know the usual blah blah blah because they're saying it's nonsense I was like yeah I know that's why I'm doing it

oh god anyway I don't know I mean maybe I'd rather get in touch directly that'd be great you can get on the

well the pot's finished now I'm a serious journalist now is what I'm saying why don't you's finished now now quickly I'm a serious journalist now is what I'm saying why don't you call yourself a broadcaster I'm a broadcaster yeah am I Stacey Dooley now

I think I am I want I want to be a broadcaster we both yeah we that's up we're well we're podcasters

come on yeah people are snobby about podcasts I'm glad that people have stopped saying the model word about you yeah not in my bio anymore which is nice they've thrown DJ back in now I'm like that people have stopped saying the model word about you yeah not my bio anymore

which is nice they've thrown DJ back in now I'm like I don't do that many gigs imagine being happy that someone takes modelling out because

what if somebody goes back and looks at my old modelling pictures come on you know what I mean it's Irish modelling anyone who's been to the show will understand

what I'm talking about everyone to go to the library use some of your photos from your modelling career which we loved beep beep very very high end I just cannot

I can and I nor can I you cannot I can not well I cannot who can not me

I just cannot You cannot. I cannot. Well, I cannot. Who can? Not me. Vegas was predictably wild. I don't know why I had to act like I was on a stack. I don't know why I did that. No, the reason I was going was work. Yeah. So I'm going to do a little run of shows in Vegas where I was going to meet in Booker. Jimmy Kimmel has a club out there that I'm going to do, I think, for in Vegas where I was going out meeting Booker Jimmy Kimmel has a club

out there that I'm going to do I think for like Paddy's Day next year or something oh fun yeah I'm too scared to join you

we threw in a bit of crack as well you know yourself well you couldn't go to Vegas so me and Christina are both recently single

okay oh Jo didn't even pick up on that yeah Jo knows oh you know We told Jo Do you remember Okay

Okay Yeah so me and Alan Have parted ways Yeah So and Christina Is recently single as well So we were just It was a bit of a blowout

You needed that We needed it But that place Is like a walking Wide on There is Sex in the air Oh my god

Oh my god I just didn't see that When I was there Now I wasn't really ar when I was there. Now, I wasn't really arsed. I'm just not really arsed at the moment. But what I will say is, Christina,

I didn't really, because she's my Irish agent. I knew, I knew she was a big hit with men, but she's a ride. She's a ride. And she's a big hit

with women. She's a big hit. Everyone loves her. Yeah. She does have kind of film star vibes. Yeah. And just a nice person.

I know, but I obviously the men that were chatting her up and there was a stream with them I was like dude I'm sorry I'm here but like

where am I supposed to go like I'm sorry you don't want to bang me I'm sorry my face repulses you whatever's going on like he would

I'd speak at the role like because Christina's doing that thing where she's like oh Joanne's my client and she's doing this and this

and I was like Christina stop selling me to these random men in their 50s like and she's like

he's a comic and one of the men who was trying to chat her up was like oh hilarious a comic anyway

Christina knocked it out of the park I think it's nice that you can go out there you went on a girls trip yeah and just to go out and just like have people

like pay you attention. You don't want anything to do with it, obviously. A hundred percent. I was way more interested in the partying side of it. So tell me how the partying went. Like, so obviously

like Vegas never sleeps. Never sleeps. I didn't realize we were staying in this hotel called The Wynn where it's the lobby. Oh, that's a fun one. It's a really good one.

The lobby is a casino. Yeah, yeah. That's in most good the lobby is a casino yeah yeah that's in most hotels it's a casino yeah it's in most hotels I thought we'd have to travel to the casino like 7am

there's women there playing the craps like I came down for breakfast one morning and they're all just set up waiting to they're on their

suit and tie like behind the tables ready to play roulette and everything are people just bollocks still up no apparently they pump loads of

oxygen into the room to keep you alive and they are people just bollocks still up like just no apparently they pump loads of oxygen into the room to keep you alive and they keep it cold so you stay awake to keep your to keep you playing that sweet cash

I hate gambling I find it so boring I don't get it I was like what am I missing here I just put putting dollars

into this machine it was just not giving me anything back and then this little thing would pop out and it's like no dollars and 40 cent and you're like what I'm going to queue up now and cash this out it was just not giving me anything back and then this little thing would pop out and it's like no dollars and 40 cent

and you're like what? I'm going to queue up now and cash this out it's ridiculous did you actually spend much time gambling? I accidentally

won 50 dollars the morning we were leaving I was just waiting for Christina just hitting this thing oh god beep beep beep I just don't know

how that's fun for anyone I don't know how it's fun I don't I don't get it and so like were you at the pool during the day? no

nothing like that it was it's a weird city Ade I don't get it and so like were you at the pool during the day no nothing like that it was it's a weird city Adele cancelled on you oh my god that's the big that's the fucking news I saw a guy

posting about it and he said Adele has cancelled on him twice now and he's spent five grand trying to see her I was like

I felt bad about having to pull those Chicago shows because of the visa thing imagine Adele ringing in sick how do you ring in sick when you're Adele supposedly she's known for ringing in sick how do you ring in sick when you're Adele

supposedly she's known for ringing in sick well they were saying that in they were like oh she does that a lot but I guess when you're doing

that many shows and singing at her level I know and she's a diva now she's earned she probably earns like what 200 grand a show

she's so rich she's probably like oh fuck it I know I'd rather stay in and watch Law and Order 100% yeah she's like I'm just'd rather stay in and watch Law and Order a hundred percent yeah

she's like I'm just gonna sit in and watch Hoarders why would I go to work well it's like extreme couponing that's always on in America I love that show

do you know what I went to see so Adele rang in sick I went to see Magic Mike I saw that now we've been invited because I kept banging on about how good it was and I was calling it

What it is Which is a feminist masterpiece They've invited me And you in To London To London Oh And we're definitely going

We're in Las Vegas now I know Ever since I saw that thing In Belfast I wanted to go to Magic Mike Oh what was it called again The Devonshire The Devonshire Adele

I was just too The Devonshire Did you see this Jo Oh my god What Devonshire Hotel I was just too the Devonshire did you see this Joe oh my god what actually happened I was I was off the internet at that stage

so it was I spoke because Sven and I were talking about this on our pod it was a hotel and it was the Dream Boys I think they called themselves

and they were trying to like kind of be a Magic Mike copy but they all got their dicks out and they had like all of them had these cock rings on so they had these massive dicks out and they had like all of them had these cock rings on

so they had these massive dicks just flying around the room and then all these girls were getting pictures with the dicks one of them was licking a dick

another one had a dick on the shoulder and two and one in each hand and like grannies you only showed me one of these photos oh I've loads

I got sold but there's loads of rumours to go with it that I don't know that are true but like there was a granny holding a dick just

standing there holding the dick that's the one you sent me well I thought that was the worst one to be fair

yeah I did like the best one yeah the best one that was the one yeah that was my screensaver

yeah but honestly they were all just like I wouldn't want to lick a dick that I didn't know not at all

just a random dick that's been in everyone's hand as well I know no way but so well well Magic Mike

I really want to go to that there wasn't a sniff of dick licking no dick licking I mean ultimately I was like come here

I said to the barman these are just gay gymnasts these are all just gay men are they definitely gay he was like not at all I was like of course they are like they're too fit they're definitely gay? He was like, not at all. I was like, of course they are.

Like, they're too fit. They're so fit. They're really, like the dances they do and everything. Yeah, they're amazing.

Like, they're amazing. can we go? Of course we're going. Oh my God. Yeah. We're ambassadors for Magic Mike now.

Like, and it's so funny because they're gyrating on you and you're like, you're clearly a gay man. Like, you know, no one's into this. But like, there wasn't a lot of gyrating. But honestly,'re like you're clearly a gay man like you know no one's into this

but like there wasn't a lot of gyrating but honestly it was so so good it was amazing and there's a woman that dances in it and then there's a woman

who kind of hosts it and hosts the whole thing together and I of course was like I was that naive I thought Chan Chan was actually the leader

Now how drunk were you? Okay well I'll reserve judgement I've actually always wanted to go so this is really exciting for me Yeah

I think we should bring a little girl Do you want to come will we have our ghost at 9-8 and they're Jo will come Jo wants to come too

there was a couple beside us and Christina was like what did they think they were coming to like they were sitting there

like it was Les Miserables they were just kind of staring at it I was like this is hysterical like I was of course completely invested

whooping cheering everything else and then we went to I'm joking we went to YouTube in the sphere Joe

you are going to die I'm like I need to send it to Anne I promise you I was on the tube on the way in here and I just randomly

thought of the video and just burst out laughing and I like it is I was saying to Val I had a really really good time I was told sorry

I was told to keep it down twice you too like I'm Irish why am I even queuing there should be just a door for Irish people

why am I'm probably not gonna ever make it there but like I wish they'd take the sphere to somewhere closer to me so they made it that's been custom built

so it's only brand new the sphere is only brand new and it is amazing and apparently word on the street from my Vegas contacts

that Beyonce is going in next so Joanne went to you two and she's like yeah I had a nice time I had a nice time I didn't realise she had turns out I had a really really good time so basically David Grell

from the Foo Fighters was I didn't realise she didn't even see him. He was underneath me. He was right under her nose. And someone was filming him having a good time

like singing to Beautiful Day and then the photo they're like, Joanne, is that you in the background of David Grell's video? I was like, oh my god and I'm really going for it.

In beautiful day. I don't know how I didn't fall over the balcony. Okay, we have to watch it. Where is it? Where is it? We're way back now Because Joanne spent

Wait Wait I look like I'm fairly well on She's over here Yeah there we go That's me there Very much Very much

On my own ball With She doesn't even know the words there's a point you're like this I'm just like woo I probably thought

I was at EP I probably thought I was at Electric Picnic I don't know what was going on that was so I had a I had a ball

and now it's been I have evidence now that I it was really really good you'll have to get that video we'll have to get that video oh yeah

we'll have to put the video oh god you two are one of my favourite bands ever I'd love to go and see that I was like Dave McGraw would you not fucking tag me

in that now come on come on man do you know what I can't believe he's under your nose how could you not have seen Dave McGraw

like you were obviously really invested in you too I was just really invested in the art and also I think they were like you couldn obviously really invested in you too I was just really invested in the art and also I think they were like you couldn't apparently Pierce Brosnan

was beside him as well he's in that video as well yeah oh my god yeah yeah yeah there's another sandwich I'd like to be a part of I was flying back

and I missed my connecting flight because there was like 40 minutes to collect the two. So I flew to JFK from Vegas and then Vegas. So were you dying of a hangover? I was like, how am I supposed to make a connecting flight?

It's JFK. I'm not Usain Bolt. Like, is there a wormhole here that I'm going to slip through so I actually make this flight in time? Anyway, I had to go to one of the fucking travel outlets by that table. But. You stay the night then in JFK? Oh God. Yeah. slip through so we actually make this flight in time anyway I had to go to one of the fucking travel orders by that time but

you stay the night then in JFK oh god they just put you on the next flight crack it on but my Uber driver I was like

oh so I had he must have seen your star rating this is what so my Uber driver you know I don't speak to Uber drivers

and we have a very peaceful understanding this one I did speak to and now I realise why I can't speak to them he was like can I come up with you can I don't speak to ear drivers and we have a very peaceful understanding this one I did speak to and now I realise why I can't speak to them he was like can I come up with you can I come in

he was asking to come into your room yeah and I was like this feels like too hardcore a return to single life this is too hardcore so I was like you were on fire over there

well done it was like I took all the sexual energy that was directed at Christina and then somehow oozed it out in an Uber taxi in JFK oh my god

he was like why don't you sit in the front oh no it's too much it's too much he's like hey baby it's like oh too much too much

camera's just text me again to chase up send to on video oh my god did I tell you I started a book club yes no but you did

and I saw it online yeah so I started a book club and I'm reading a book from Elizabeth Day about it's called Friend a book club and I'm reading a book from Elizabeth Day about, it's called Friendaholic. Oh yeah. I'm interviewing her for her book tour in Derry. And I started reading that.

Basically, people don't understand, the book club is basically, you get the book, we started on Sunday, three weeks, I think people wanted a month. I'm going to see if people could do it in three weeks. And then you,

and I have another really good book for you. And then, and then I'll do an Insta live and talk about the book with people who've read the book but actually it's so interesting because it's not a book that I read

you know that I love fiction I only want to read fiction and bullshit about people's lives that's made up this is about actual friends and friendships and there's so much to learn in it really

yeah she's big on that I think it's very interesting I think we're going to go the whole way you and me yeah I do yeah

what wisdom have you brought to the table? I just feel like, you know who your real friends are. And it's like, and there's other friends that are your friends. Jo, I don't know if we're going the whole way, but we might. Yeah, this is very much a professional relationship.

I was doing an interview yesterday, Jo, with a girl from You Magazine, from the Daily Mail. I was doing an interview and she was like they're all fascinated to know what you look like and what you're like

I know and I couldn't find a picture of you I was like I'm really sorry we just assume people know what you look like now yeah

but that was like her top question what does Jo look like I was like okay this is about me you're not what you look you're not you don't look how you sound

but I don't know people always seem shocked when they see photos of Jo yeah yeah because you don't look how you sound but I don't know people always seem shocked when they see photos of Jo yeah because you don't expect you to be so young hot on a scale of one to ten

what would you say what would you give yourself oh no come on that's an awful you're a good looking fella mum on a good day you know

you have to say six that's what everyone says on a good day I can touch a six yeah yeah yeah everyone has to music humble am I really obsessed

with myself I'd say a seven on a yeah everyone has to do sick humble I'm only really obsessed with myself I'd say a seven on a bad date you know what I mean yeah that's when you're at your worst I'm off the scale baby

I don't even I don't know how to make a scale I'd say I'd say hair, makeup and Evan Evan Doherty touching me up

in pictures I'd give myself an eight yeah he can transform your entire face you're very photographic no no it totally depends I was trying to explain this to Sven as well the other day in the pod and I didn't mean to sound mean I don't know if it came across me but we were

talking about the Hemsworth brothers and I was like I just don't fancy them they're too good looking and Sven was like oh well what does that say about me and I was like well you're not too good looking but you're good looking but you're not like there's too good looking. And Sven was like, oh, what does that say about me? And I was like, well, you're not too good looking, but you're good looking. Yeah. But you're not like, there's too good looking. Perfection is very boring.

But Bradley Cooper, when I saw him at the BAFTAs, now he's too good looking. You'd feel really uncomfortable. You wouldn't know what to say to him when you were sitting with him. I do not, I don't,

when I look at him walking around town with Gigi Hadid, I do not, I wouldn't be, he wouldn't be for me now. But I'm kind of dead inside I don't know what's going on with me

he'd be for me I think really yeah he would be Leonardo DiCaprio I know I know that he's just I know I'm too old for him

first of all yeah well of course Jesus Gigi's too old for him yeah I know but like I just think that I really fancy him like an unusual amount

I know this is mean to say and we'd never say it about a woman so it is completely sexist what I'm about to say but he's not ageing well see I disagree Leo

I think he looks great he's not ageing well oh I completely disagree I think he's ageing really well I don't think he is I don't like what he wears though now in fairness I don't think

he's not in getting the lasers and Debbie Thomas's and all like do you know he's not looking I don't think he's looking after himself he looks like he has had he looks like me today

a very big weekend all the time I don't think you look like you've had a very big weekend I don't think he's looking after himself He looks like he has had He looks like me today A very big weekend All the time I don't think you look like You've had a very big weekend I don't even tell from the I don't even tell from the glasses And do you know why as well I'm like

It's actually flying is so It's really hard on your body Like it's really It's jet lag as well It's jet lag And it's I know I keep talking about alcohol But

American measures are huge Oh my god Yeah Like and you know You know I could drink cyanide They were like those Soho Heist measures keep talking about alcohol but American measures are huge oh my god yeah like and you know you know I could drink cyanide they were like those Soho house measures

remember when we had to we had to get like four different glasses for the one measure because they were too big too much really I can't drink American drinks

they're too like I'd have to get two I couldn't I couldn't like it's too vodka-y I nearly fucking choked on the plane I was like

and you're one the cabin crew she was really saying she's like I know you fucking choked on the plane I was like and you're one the cabin crew she was really saying she's like I got you girl oh god she made me she made me

a Negroni and I honest to god I didn't want to insult her what airline was that JetBlue the ones with the

that give you two connecting flights that leave at the same time a standard American shot is 44 mil one shot what's 44 you know what I understand

we're 35 50 mil is a UK double shot is 44 mil. One shot. What's 44? You know what I understand. We're 35. 50 mil is a UK double shot. Their 44 is a single. Whoa. That's a lot. That's a lot. I nearly choked on the plane.

I was like, I can't drink that. Yeah, because you ever do, because Americans love doing shots. And I used to. And they're big into tequila. Tequila, big into tequila over there. I don't mind a tequila. What's that with the grapefruit? That's nice, that drink. I can't remember. It's tequila. Tequila. Big into tequila over there. I don't mind a tequila. What's that with the grapefruit?

That's nice, that drink. I can't remember. It's tequila and grapefruit juice and it's so delicious. Paloma. A Paloma. Oh. Delicious. Oh, yeah.

They're the kind of, I know them. They put the little chilli in them. No, that's a different one. Okay. What's that one again? Picante. Picante.

That's the one I, oh God, that's too much. Do you know I'm going out for dinner after this? Yeah. And I'm going out for the perfect's too much Do you know I'm going out For dinner after this Yeah And I'm going out For the perfect dinner party Do you know why

Why It starts at six We're going for dinner at six I'll be home in my house At half eight That's because they all have They all They have children

They need to go home to I'm absolutely thrilled And it's World Book Day tomorrow We have to go home Get organised Everyone's happy To just go out at six Oh is this where you

Dress the kids up as characters yeah what's your baby going as Patrick Bateman she just brings in American Psycho she's a big fan of the moon

at the moment she likes the moon the actual moon the actual moon peekaboo moon the book and the moon are you going to

dress her up as a moon well she doesn't have anywhere to go so no no yeah I know I mean I was no I was going to throw Otto a as a moon? Well, she doesn't have anywhere to go, so no. No, yeah, I know. I mean, I was going to throw Otto a party in April and I just thought, what's the point?

He's got no friends. I'd throw Otto a party for TNG. Yeah, and I would say I'd go and I wouldn't. No, you wouldn't go and then it would be another... I don't even know if I'd go, to be honest. I know. She's got herself this pair of cowboy boots and I can't get them off her.

She's got cowboy boots. She won't take the cowboy boots off. It's, oh God. When a child attaches itself to an outfit, I mean, I was pulling things back out of the bin that my mum was trying to get rid of and put it on. Oh God, yeah, and they wouldn't even fit you anymore. So, we have to talk, I've been so,

I feel like I'm, I don't, Vegas is like a hole where you don't know what time of day it is and it's all kind of they've done that on purpose I just remember it smelled like smoke all in the casinos

and I didn't like it I couldn't get over it were they all smoking yeah Jesus my god no and then I this is how

I was like at least I mean did you start the smoking again I know I have my vices but the weirdest thing because there's always something with me and

like I don't you know it's a lot of like like self-sabotage you know unhealthy behaviours is what I would say but the smoking

I just lost interest in it so I physically so I tried to smoke in Las Vegas I tried I genuinely tried to smoke

and I was like I don't know the taste of it just went it's so weird and it's not like I've got a developed, I don't know, the taste of it just went, it's so weird and it's not like I've got a developed palate. I don't know why.

It's the one thing I don't have to worry about. I don't like smoking. No, no, I'm not, no. I used to smoke though. I remember I used to wake up when I was like 17. No, I was in uni

so I was 18 and I'd wake up and before I'd even had my cereal I'd smoke. Yeah. I'd smoke. Yeah, it's a weird way to start your day.

God, it's so so grim I think if your parents smoke you're more inclined to smoke my dad used to smoke a lot I was going to say the opposite

really my friends who don't smoke their parents were heavy smokers oh no because my dad used to

smoke a lot he used to hotbox us in the car we were practically smoking anyway I thought why don't we just

start so we started when we were nine we used to go around picking up other people's cigarette butts and lighting them yeah of course smoking anyway I thought why don't we just start so we started when we were nine but you know we used to go around picking up other people's cigarette butts

and lighting them yeah of course we need no money to buy farts I'm just picking them off the ground it's disgusting oh my god

I can't believe you I know I know that's very much my style but not yours no and it's not easy

like me you might even share a drink with someone you know but you'll pick up a cigarette butt off the ground no

and do you know how I know I'm drunk if I'll let someone have some of my drink now it has to be someone like I'd let you what are your children no no

yeah no actually they're too friendly I'd actually be way too drunk for that I'd let you have a drink of my drink when I wasn't if I'd had four drinks

or something thank you and then you'd sanitise the glass but I obviously the only news story that really I know anything about

I took interest in was the Willy Wonka thing the Willy Wonka experience now my only thing about the Willy Wonka experience right is I'm absolutely heartbroken that they've

that they've stopped it but surely now they could sell out anything they could sell out Wembley now a whole I'm not even like I'd pay

I'd pay to go I want all the original cast I mean I just I don't think they could have gotten better pure from what came out about the Woody Wonka experience

and I think it's but like in fairness now as a parent going into that and spending what was it 38 quid or something 38 quid

but I'll tell you what like if they open up I 100% it would just be old people it wouldn't be any kids. It would be like an adults only experience. Yeah.

It would be so funny. Yeah, who doesn't want to spend a weekend in a, what do they call it? A miserable. A meth clinic. But I've gone down

the whole course and like when I saw that they were doing interviews with the New York Times, I was like, this is out of control. And girls messaged me

from Glasgow who were thrilled because it is. Where was it on? You could not be proud messaged me from Glasgow who were thrilled because it is where was it on you could not be proud of that coming from here it was in Glasgow it was Glasgow

of course it was Glasgow Glasgow's like Dublin they take the piss it's like half of their Amazon where they didn't arrive and they just couldn't furnish

the rest of it put the imp I felt so sorry for her because she was doing interviews she's like if that was just

a really bad photo I actually am very attractive but I so sorry for her because she was doing interviews and she's like if that was just a really bad photo I actually am very attractive but I couldn't stop laughing because she kept referring to it like it was she was like when I realised

it wasn't going well I just had to leave the scene as if it was an act they should bring that to the O2 they have to 100%

because you know what my kids I was trying to think of something because I was looking at Willy Wonka and I was like what shite have I brought my kids to

and I'm like they've never been to anything shit they don't know the shit that we had to go to they have never been to anything shit like I took them to that balloon museum don't get me wrong

it was absolutely brilliant it spoiled creatively spoiled children £7.50 for a balloon flower and I couldn't leave without the balloon flower because they started

are you mad £7.50 for a balloon and and I couldn't leave without the balloon flower because they started are you mad £7.50 for a balloon and then we went to London and Bertie burst it of course he did yeah so it was £7.50

for about 15 minutes I love how tight you are with your kids it's inspiring I mean they can't be I was really annoyed but I'm still going to

run about the balloon flower did you ask Judy to chip in no I just got her to do another pose for me there I was thinking about Otto

the other day I just want you to know I did think about him what did you think about him I wonder what he's doing I'll just move on to the next one nah bye

anyway nah back to Titi did you see The Unknown has come out now as well what's The Unknown so there was the last kind of cast member who had kind of

kept their silence and she has finally come out she was the one coming out from behind the mirror oh okay yeah yeah yeah so she's on CNN

now or something stop but it's that it's the fact it was so stupid also imagine if you went to

Funderland or something in Ireland brilliant obviously fab no shame there and the kids didn't enjoy it would you call the police

like who is it really illegal I don't think I think you're meant to be going to the small claims court or something the police

Jesus God that girl is really scary yeah I was freaked as well she's all over the she's all oh my God she's being made

into like art now and everything stop it really was so bad wasn't it it was really bad I just don't know horror movie based on

Glasgow Glasgow Wonka experiences in the works stop no way that's amazing oh my god get me an audition show

okay you could be the Oompa Loompa there's so because even your man who was doing Willy Wonka he came out as well

to do his exposing interview and he's like why would you trust anyone who would book me to play Willy Wonka look came out as well to do his exposing interview and he's like why would you trust anyone who would book me to play Willy Wonka look at me he's like I'm absolutely tiny like they're just

I think the way they dealt with it they were just so funny except for whoever called the police I mean that's just yeah but I don't think it was like quite a few parents that called the police

I mean imagine ringing the police they've enough to be doing in Glasgow what do you say like yeah what do you say how do you sell that I got ripped off I'm having a shit time

on a Saturday afternoon send a squad car fucking hell my kid only got one jelly bean and it came for £35 I mean all I'm saying is she was running out

of jelly beans I know so she left she said she had to walk off the scene oh it's like on Halloween when you have to hide two jelly beans and a bit of iron brew

or something or they give them like a shot of lucasite or something oh it's so bad but we like think about where did you actually

really get brought as a child we went like it was a very rare outing I don't think I ever went to the zoo as a kid I think we did I was in the zoo I've done that harnessing I would have been in school think I ever went to the zoo as a kid I think we did I was in the zoo

I've gone that far I would have been in school yeah we always went to the what's it called you can see the planets the planetarium I guess I never went to the planetarium

every school trip we were all put in the back of a bus and sent to the planetarium Newgrange Blessington Lake remember Blessington no

Clara Lara have you ever heard of Clara Lara Jo I'm googling it right now it says it's temporarily closed. Oh my God, I have reached the peak. So I got invited

to Centre Parcs. I'm absolutely thrilled. That's a good one now. You'll have to come. It is so much crack. It is right for adults as well. Yeah, it's so much crack. And they'll give you one of the good houses.

But they have jacuzzis in them and all. They have jacuzzis. Some of them have pool tables. Yeah. And you could go, because if you go with somebody else's family who has kids, then it feels like a holiday

if you just pretend the kids aren't there. Yeah, but I asked them, I would need my own place. Do you want the jacuzzi or do you want the pool table? I want whatever, yeah, whatever man den they have down there. They do have a spa. I did go for a massage there like man den they have down there. The dad's hideout.

I did go for a massage there once. Did you go to the spa there? Yeah, I went for a massage there once. I went before with the kids. It was honestly, I had the time of my life with my brother. Between Center Parcs

and Magic Mike, we're really getting, these invitations are starting to really flow in. I don't even want to go to the Burberry Show anymore. There you go. I'm going to Center Parcs.

And Magic Mike. Yeah. God damn it. Gucci can't compare with that. No, they absolutely can't. I will say, though, we need to try and get an invite to the Brits after parties.

I kind of felt like a loser. Really? I was asleep at quarter past seven on Saturday night. Like, that's ridiculous. Hold on, were you at the Brits that Saturday? No.

No. I didn't go. Everyone else went to the Brits. I was asleep before eight. I thought I might be the way. What a loser. I know. And I said to myself, when I was asleep before 8 How long have I been away? What a loser I know and I said to myself When I woke up the next day

After 11 and a half hours sleep Because I was hungover The day before I was like that's it Next year I'm not missing the Brits I want to still be up At 7 o'clock the next day Why can't we go to the Brits Jo?

No we'd only go to the Brits Oh okay That would be boring for us I don't think we'd like that Yeah we don't like that We'll go to the after party Can you do that? Or do they make you go?

Yeah yeah yeah You can go to the after party Do you do that or do they make you go yeah yeah yeah you can go to the after party do they make you go to the basically it's the after it's like a wedding we want to bring tell Global we're going to bring us and ten listeners

to the after party of the Brits okay okay I think that's something we could do yeah I'm looking forward to that next year

yeah I'm glad we planned something together yeah well between that and Magic Mike we'll go to Magic Mike soon yeah

before the summer Magic Mike so obviously I really spl Mike soon yeah before the summer Magic Mike so obviously I really splashed out in that Sarah Jessica Parker play was it amazing it was brilliant three they played

three different couples in one hotel room each having some sort of marital crisis and it's all set in the 60s and the set is amazing and the outfits are amazing and

the poor guy who because part of the ticket that I bought that you get like some champagne so I was obviously queuing up for that

and the lad there's these tiny little counters where he's and he fucking popped the cork into his eye oh god I know

his name's Danny how bad was it so dangerous so he and he was such a pro it was high bleeding and the couple in front the couple he was such a pro. It was eye bleeding. And the couple in front,

like the couple he was serving did barely, did not acknowledge it at all. And when I was next, I was like, dude, are you gay? And he's like, oh, oh. We just kind of kept it together

because they were, I don't know, Americans or something. Oh God, that's so mean. I know. And even as he was holding his eye, he went, I love your podcast.

Oh. I'm like, thank you, Danny. Yeah. Oh my God, that's horrible. I know and even as he was holding his eye he went I love your podcast oh thank you yeah oh my god that's horrible I hate any eye pain I know and his poor eye

was all like weeping and bright red and everything I would have gone home he was socking in his hand his eye socket practically in his hand and the couple ahead

were like thank you and just walked straight in poor little shite yeah rich theatre goers are they're not our people well if you're spending 250 quid

it was 350 pounds what that's worse than the sauna I know that was my Valentine's Day present to myself fair enough

yeah I'm back on Raya but more on that next week giving it a go again Lewis Hamilton's still on it stop is he well now he could've

just come back on it like I have I shouldn't judge you're going to get kicked off again but I feel like he's been there the whole time

who else is on anyone else I haven't really committed to it again I forgot I totally forgot about Raya and do you know

that we were just kind of playing I'm just killing time I really have no interest at the moment but it's just like a swiping it's just like

playing the slots can I have a go again now that we're back which yeah of course you can, but they only give you like three choices. They only let you slide on four people

and then they're like, oh, to access more, you have to pay. You have to pay. Ah, you have to access more. And I'm just not at the point where I want to, I'm not.

Well, this is the perfect, we're going to go out now. It's getting warmer. The weather's getting warmer. The nights are, I'll just have to sleep a bit longer in the morning. Yeah.

I feel like this is a time of change. I feel like I'm ready. I'm getting ready for summer now. I'm shedding the winter from my cell, my body and my face

and I'm getting ready for summer. I'm also going to get a trainer and a real person trainer. Excuse me. Excuse me. I thought you'd signed up

to Flexi. I gave you a code. Sign up to Flexi. I need someone to like Plant me down Physically And touch me I need to be touched

I want to touch your body I'm surprised you haven't slagged my shoes by the way Do you want to? Well I didn't want to because You don't look like you're wearing them ironically You should have seen me on the scooter I scooted in here Obviously

And I had to take one off Because it was so painful To scoot in They're not scooting shoes Are they Are they in your line? No they're not in my line Thank you so much for listening

That was great I'm glad to be back You can listen to Who Replaced Avril Lavigne Anywhere you get your podcasts There you go I loved you there are still

tickets for I've had an extra LA date there are tickets for Chicago Philadelphia and LA I think that's it

San Francisco also and all the tickets are available on drawmcnoy.com there see thought about him again.