My Therapist Ghosted Me - Whale Toe, Frozen Eggs & A Pillow Castle

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

This week, Vogue raises awareness for an issue that you may not have heard much about… (or you might know exactly what she’s talking about!)Meanwhile, Joanne has unwittingly spent far too much on clothes and everyone is obsessed with the latest in the Wagatha Christie saga. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

John have you seen the video of Gigi on my page today? No I haven't. Oh no. I don't know why it's so funny. I've never gotten so many mails about a video. Scootin' through, voguing a bikini, voguing a bikini, voguing straightening her hair, voguing a bikini, voguing a bikini. it's so funny I've never gotten so many mails about a video scooting through voguing a bikini voguing a bikini

voguing a bikini voguing a bikini I don't do you know how many mails I've gotten about that where people are like she looks

like a little granny or she looks like one of the women on moore street oh yeah the women selling mascaras out of

buggies on moore street I love them I love them bangles do you remember I love them bangles do you remember bangles yeah

bangles are illegal in Ireland Joe he wouldn't know what a banger is he doesn't even know where Ireland is but you'd have these men in like floor length

leather coats from the matrix and then they'd flash you because they couldn't it was illegal so they'd flash you and then their inside of their jackets

would be lined with bangers, fireworks hand grenades whatever you wanted. It is. It's kind of like buying drugs. Like you have to like

go down the side streets and stuff. What was the thing, the stick that you set in fire and you could write your name? Oh, a sparkler. Sparkler. They're not illegal.

You can have them. And do you remember snaps that you used to throw on the ground? Those little things. Yeah. Gigi looks like she's Gigi looks like she's

off to sell wrapping paper and cheap mascara on more streams she looks so cute she's insanely cute there's no denying it so you got your own

headline this week I saw thank you Vogue the pod's been yeah the pod's been great for both it's been great for my profile in the UK and now people can actually see Vogue the pod's been yeah the pod's been great for both it's been great for my profile

in the UK and now people can actually see Vogue's actually funny yeah I regret nothing I saw I actually saw

the headline it's like Joanne McNally says she makes Vogue funny and I was like oh that's that's a bit

on the nose I clipped in and I was like I probably did say something like that who knows like most people I know who do interviews

now they just make shit up anyway I went in and it was like I thought it was actually really sweet what I said it was actually quite nice what you said

it's been great for me it's raised my profile and folk gets a great thrill out of it because now people realise she's sound I think I actually said funny and Spencer even does well

out of this because if I'm sound he must be sound okay oh my god have you seen his new glasses Joanne have you not seen his glasses

no oh has he gone blind have I been away that long that Spenny's gone blind how long have I been in Ireland what age is he now too long

and stop booking gigs I'm not happy about it I've seen this Belfast shit no more that's it then I know Jo I'm doing the arena in Belfast

the arena I know now in fairness the great thing about the Belfast arena is they can cordon off like they just pull a curtain

so I don't know what it is 6,000 off air like they just pull a curtain so I don't know what it is 6,000 but they could literally just pull a curtain and you could and they hide 5,000 seats and you could do 1,000

okay I think next year I'm going to put a ban on this it has to be arenas only because this is too long to be away you don't even live

in London anymore I was actually thinking that the other day I've stopped saying pound like when I first got over here I was like in a in a two pounds two other day. I've stopped saying pound. Like when I first got over here, I was like, I was like, in it, you know,

two pounds, two pounds. And now I've just gone back. I've just gone back to saying, get out your black and tans and trying to pay for everything in punt. You know, Sven knows when we've done our podcast together,

because I'll say certain things and he's like, were you just talking to Joanne? Because you've just changed you're like I want a divorce get out of my home

I want a divorce here I went to see your mate mummy MOT go on how is she she's fantastic and I was thinking

I did I thought about your vagina when I was in there I thought did she did she finish her treatments off I actually you know I was at an event for Spencer's um

clean coat tonight this journalist came over and she was like do you regret things that you share on the podcast and I was thinking yes I do actually I do when I get a google alert with all these like newspaper things but I was like but I can't not say it because then I'm blocking it in case the Daily Mail slag me and I I nearly didn't want to tell this story, but I think it will help other pregnant women. You're such an activist for vaginas, Vogue. I mean, really. I'm a vagina activist. No one told me this when I was pregnant with Theodore.

And I got the fright of my life one day when I looked down and I didn't recognize what I was looking at. And I said, you know what, this time around, you should see, I'll show, I'll actually show you my vagina so you can see what it looks like. It is just.

Did it grow a nose? What happened? It's just very large. It's very large and very cushiony. I mean, honestly, it grows in size.

It just gets fatter. Every woman wants bigger lips. Now you've got bigger lips. This is great. That's the thing someone actually said to me today have you got lip for it i said not in my face what someone did i actually got really offended by it as well i was like

no i'm pregnant first of all but it's not a lip liner i got did you ever get that done i didn't know no no i didn't know um i knew the pregnancy did have could have very traumatic effects on a woman's body. But bigger lips, I mean, surely that's just a benefit. I mean, I thought, I wish they were facial lips, not the ones down there.

I'm going to have to get new knickers, I think. I'm going to have to get new underwear in bigger sizes. So it's not like camel tail. It's like dinosaur kneecap. What have you got? Jesus Christ, yeah.

It's something along those linescap what have you got Jesus Christ yeah it's something along those lines what have you got what's a large what's bigger than a camel what have you got what's bigger than a camel a fucking blue whale toe if they had toes you've got mammoth toe

there's a woolly mammoth down there you've got mammoth foot it's not camel toe you've got mammoth foot I went into mummy and I was like is this normal the whole vagina and she's like yeah yeah yeah that's actually normal

so any any new expectant moms out there get ready because you're because your fanny's about to get bigger well sir firstly on behalf of um all women who listen to the pod thank you for raising awareness for fat fannies i think that's very brave of you i mean it could have been a mental health charity or cystic fibrosis but no you're going to be cutting the ribbon on various events raising awareness for fat fannies and i am so proud of you thank you so much i'm actually really appreciative of that i think it's a great thing to do for people do you reckon do you reckon this is gonna like how is this daily male headline gonna to run? You're doing God's work, folk.

You're doing God's work. Oh, God. So tell me about your fanny. So basically, I don't know. I'll say the story. Do you ever hear that saying, how's your gi for a gallop? No, but that sounds like something that should be in my repertoire now that

I'm back living in Ireland but I've just misread the culture now and I think it's fine to say things like that I've gone too

Irish hello Miss McNally welcome to the Montanari Hotel how's your key for a gallop highly inappropriate

Miss McNally to be honest how's your key for a gallop highly inappropriate Ms. McNally to be honest how's your gai for a gallop is that like as in just a general how are you or is it like do you want

like are you up for the ride I think it's the kind of thing yeah you should put that on your dating profile how's your gai for a gallop well Amber should put that on hers yeah

my dating profile would be my gai is looking for a gallop no yeah something along those lines drama gnarly 32

geese sweating for a gallop 32 that's the funniest part about that excuse me how dare you that's my age is data protection

from the GNTD TPO so no one can know i honestly sometimes i get a fright i actually got really upset walking across uh the baddest the other day because i was like oh fuck i'm 40 in four years and then all i could think about was how close i was to death it just my mind spiraled i got into this big anxious wave and i was like oh my god i haven't done anything I need to do more stuff you're going to need

a bigger coffin now you're going to need a bigger coffin now for that fat fanny you have as well you're like I'm going to need a wider one actually

a wider one I'll have to be hoisted out of my house I know I told you the story before about my friend getting the gentleman stitch right where the doctor

just put in an extra stitch but I was like would you not do us a favour and sew in like stitch in a couple of extra clits a couple of extra that's a good idea why is it why is it

about him we should come out of there looking like polka dots why is it about him his pleasure if you're going to do so there's a load of clits lying around stitch them into me

please I actually hate that word clit I want to have so many clits you'd orgasm every time you sneezed can you imagine I'd like one or two more to be fair

yeah and like don't put them in such an awkward position put them on my hands where everybody can reach them for God's sake yeah I can imagine don't make them so hard to find

yeah exactly come here to me we're kind of speaking about women's issues Tell me about your eggs You're getting your eggs frozen I am An ambassador

That's very exciting Yeah I'm actually really I actually am really excited About it For therapy fertility So They're taking over the world Like honestly

Oh my I was like What are you going to be doing Next fecking funerals They're doing everything They do well at funerals. Funerals cost a good few bald now. I just want it done as like an insurance policy almost.

Time's ticking on. Time's moving. And while culturally and mentally I'm probably 22, my body, I genuinely have the insides of a man in his 40s. So I need to really make some decisions. It's time to make some decisions. I think it's nice to have them there. I'm freezing my face.

Why not freeze my eggs? Yeah. Freeze everything. Dead right. Amber froze her eggs. Did she? Yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah, you've got to do like two weeks of injections or something, do you? I know. I can't wait to do the podcast when I'm whacked up on hormones. Oh, God, you'll be awful. Well, no, actually, I was quite worried about Amber because she's such a snotty bitch sometimes.

And she was grand. She's like, do you guys not have any other content besides me? I'm like, well, stop giving. Stop giving us so much. My mother says that about my stand-up

and she's like, no, no other comedian talks about their mother the way you do. I was like, I barely talk about you at at all do you know what she said to me the other day she was dropped she's my driver she was dropping me into Bickerstreet I'm a baller I'm a baller Jo and um she was like I'm she goes I'm really enjoying having you home this time and I was thinking to myself why is it so different this time why is it because you're not there do you realize you've just said you've never enjoyed having me home before and she was like I didn't mean that I was like you did mean that you did that's exactly

what you meant I think I'm not there yeah but like that you even can spend that much time with your mom like my mom wouldn't be able to survive like if we were in the house and my brother has after booking a trip down to Spain to see her with his two kids and his wife staying in her apartment with her and Neil and I I know this sounds really sadistic and mean but like I can't fucking wait till next week to hear how awful it went they're're all going to kill each other. Like, not if you paid me. Not in a million years. And they're like, no, we're going to have a lovely time.

I'm like, I'll see you next Friday. I'd suck it up for, I'd suck it up if it meant I could go. If I had family members in Spain that I had a pretty, like, toxic relationship with, I'd suck it up for free gaff in Spain, to be honest. We don't even have a toxic relationship. It's only if we for free gaff and spank to be honest we don't even have a toxic relationship it's only if we're like living in the same

area they'd have a nervous breakdown with you around you and you'd be leaving stuff on the counters they wouldn't no you wouldn't

last a day my mother did say that she was like I think part of the reason it's working this time is because I just don't look when you mess

everything up I just decide I'll just clean it I'll just clean it I'll just look after it and I know I'm chaotic I know I understand the carnage I do get it Megan Megan went up to our house today right she's staying there because her flatmate has COVID she's like what what happened to your room why'd you say that and I said Joanne won't even notice what

you're talking about i was like joanne is just joanne i was like she wouldn't realize that like she like you want to see my bed joe i'll show you hold on now that's not fair you said you were getting one of your staff in to change the sheets so i didn't do anything about it oh my god But look at the bed Wait let me see you Jo you ready You were even having a go at the pregnancy pillow Look Jo

I can't see that You've actually made a castle Out of the pillows But what's the it's wasted energy what is the point of making a bed that someone else is going to come in and strip do you know what if I'm ever staying even in a hotel

and stuff like that like I wouldn't leave even if there's cleaners in every day I'd have to make the bed every day you know I'm a weirdo it's my weird thing oh no I'm the one I'm the one that they're like oh wow worked

but you know what you weren't bad when you came to Africa they didn't bitch about you well no in fairness the reason that that happened like that

was because like I say you had said someone was coming in to change all the sheets so I was like grand I'm home on Friday oh

we got exciting I know what gig do you have on next week I'm in C change all the sheets so I was like grand I'm home on Friday oh we got exciting I know what gig shall I have on next week I'm in Cork at the moment oh my god so I was in the Everyman the other night and do you know those weird turns

I get where I like can't speak and my hands go and stuff yeah it happened on stage on stage in the middle of the show it happened

no I was it was horrible On stage. On stage in the middle of the show. It happened. It was horrible. I didn't know what was going on. I knew I was having it. And then the more you think I'm having a panic attack, then you start having a panic attack. And I didn't know what I was saying. And I didn't know what was coming next.

And I was just kind of staring. It was horrible. And then while that was happening, I got my first actual proper heckle. Who heckled you? Some girl in the audience. She went, where's this going? She was like, where's this going?

And I was like, in fairness, I didn't know where it was going because I was out of my fucking mind. Oh, no. And like, if you weren't out of your mind, you'd be like, I don't know where this is going, but you're going to the fucking lobby, you bitch. You don't, you weren't out of your mind you'd be like I don't know where this is going but you're going to the fucking lobby you bitch you don't you can't say anything

I just went oh em it was horrible anyway got off stage it wasn't a total mess like I think I kind of half pulled it off but em

got off stage and I was saying to Gerard what's going on and he's like well what did you do before you went on stage and I was like

well I had two glasses of white wine and three red bull and he was like oh god I was like well I had two glasses of white wine and three Red Bull and he was like oh god he was like Joanne so basically

I don't have a massive anxiety disorder who even opens cans of Red Bull and then opens another can of Red Bull and another who opens

three cans of Red Bull it's on my rider Red Bull Red Bull popcorn white wine Red Bull I am surviving on Red Bull popcorn and's on my writer. Red Bull. Red Bull, popcorn, white wine. Red Bull. I am surviving on Red Bull, popcorn and white wine

and then wondering why I'm having panic attacks on stage. Oh my God, you cannot be having the Red Bull. Oh my God. Have you ever seen that video

of a man trying 24 cans and his heart was coming out of his chest? I'm just so glad no one's saying you can't be having the wine. They're like, the Red Bull's the problem.

I'm like, thank God. The wine's fine god the wine's fine the wine's fine but yeah so it was really scary three red bulls oh my god i'd be like a nervous wreck i once do you remember that monster drink that well i remember when it came out love it and we were uh we were at a session it is delicious but uh we were at a session in my house and not like i never it had literally just come out it's years and years and years ago and I remember all at the session I started drinking it with vodka and I it was so delicious I had like fucking like you about three cans and then everyone starts leaving around three in the morning and I was like oh my god like and I was so wired I think it took me to

like one o'clock the next day before I could actually sleep from just drinking that crap yeah you see it's this headspace. You're like, I'm about to go on stage. I'm about to perform. I need to kind of act accordingly. Like it's like pregame, you know, like a pre-show, pregame ritual-like kind of thing.

But I'm just destroying my nervous system. So anyway, it was all a learning experience. Red Bull is out. Also, I was shopping around. Went to a b****. into bought some bits and bobs and I left the bill was like much higher than I thought

it was going to be and I was like oh god and then I looked at the god how I looked at the receipt and he it looked like he charged me full price for the stuff

I tried to buy on sale but then he'd taken the prices off the items so I was like it's a scam so I went marching back down and I was like, it's a scam. So I'm marching back down and I was like, I've been the victim of a con.

Your man's like, well, no, because that's the skirt that you bought. And I was like, the skirt was 300 pounds, 300 euro on the bill. And I was like, it was 70.

And he goes, no, love, that was the belt on the skirt. The skirt was 300. How embarrassing. Did you give the skirt back? A hundred percent A hundred percent But it was basically

It was basically like me thinking I was getting a Balenciaga skirt For like 70 quid Do you know? It was so stupid Their sale is that good so stupid their sale is that good I went in there before right

and I and I was being like they took me and I could get a free piercing and I was allowed to choose like some earrings for my ears and I thought

fuck it while I'm here they've given me a budget of 250 quid I'm gonna like redo all my ears and I went and I chose all these earrings and I got off the couch

and she was like well that's three and a half grand three and a half grand and I had them all there obviously I didn't buy them I was like oh no no it was like I was in the pet shop the other day for Winnie's birthday buying him gifts and I said Theodore what did he ask for what's on his wish list he wanted an antler He wants the duck pate. He wanted the duck pate, did he? Yeah. I said, Theodore, you can choose something.

And the shop assistant was like looking at Theodore like, oh, so cute. So she was watching him. And he went over and picked this collar and he picked it up. And I was like, 180 quid. And I was actually so embarrassed. I was like, oh, no, Theodore, we don't love Winston that much. Get me out of this shop me and Garoude were

tipping around Westport the other day we went into this two euro shop and there was dog leads in there with little harnesses and I said to Garoude they were so cool I was like I'd wear

that and the lead was neon and I was like I would a hundred percent wear that you're very neon-y very neon-y speaking Very neon-y. Speaking of which, speaking of money, Jo,

so we have a friend called **** who... I was only talking to **** yesterday. I was like, don't worry, ****, we won't say your name. Vogue recommended somewhere to her to go for like tweaking. And she went in to get some facials you know and it's a pretty

fancy place it's pretty fancy anyway in fairness she didn't tell us after it happened this is months later

we'd gone for for dinner she went in she saw a different doctor to us you know she came out the bill was

now we're talking a couple of facials And a couple of tweaking Four grand Sterling Four Four Thousand

Pounds I mean You can't You can't Give it back I'd be like I'd be like Suck it out

Now Honestly I'm it wasn't even my four grand she told us this story like six months ago I am still not over it

I was laughing yesterday texting her and then I was like and she actually said she was like no I'm still not able to talk about that four

grand I want a facelift for four grand I'd actually be like decapitate me just take it decapitate me because I can't pay it anyway. So you might as well just decapitate me and then like bleed it back out like a radiator

into a jar and sell it to someone else. Remove my head. I can't handle this. It's too much for me. No way. I'd be like, I'd be on a payment scheme and I'd be like, mum, you have to remortgage the gaff and I have to go on Klarna. Do you know Klarna?

The way they let you pay like 5p a year for the rest of your life oh my god 4 grand that's not fair like that should be they if you go

and what about a bit of this they should be like okay just but just so you know that's that's gonna bring it up to 4 grand yeah but I think people

that go in there just pay for shit like that like that much money on shit but it's like your phone provider will say you know there'll be a limit on what you can spend they'll be like hey just letting you know you know you've been roaming now for three hours you're about to start you know what i mean you're about to hit 100 quid like you that should be flagged like i wouldn't spend a four round i'm like well i want a new head then like i want to face like a fetus like i wanted to literally

have an umbilical cord swinging out of it for four grand you could probably get a facelift for four grand for my 40th I'd like a designer vagina I say designer

I just just stamp it with Gucci or something add a few glitz add a few clits. Add a few clits. I wanted to say there was some very bad news happening during the week.

I have bad news too. Okay, go on. What was yours? Unsolicited dick pics are now illegal. I know. Do you know what? Weirdly, I thought of you know what weirdly I thought of you straight away

yeah well obviously I was devastated to hear that and I just want all the men out there to know I'm not a grass so

oh come on you can keep sending them to me I'm a safe space she likes them and she likes wanking videos as well no Vogue

I don't actually I'm still going through A really tough time with it I heard that They might be inventing A pill to de-horn people Fucking hell I could do

It's still ongoing What could you get What could you get what could you get get spayed when was the last dick pic you got well the last dick pic

was that blue talk in the bag of hair do you remember oh yeah that just sounds so disgusting that to me wasn't a crime

that was a cry for help anyway it's the death of digital dick pics and like, you know, it's a sad day. Also,

I was like, those flashers, they were probably having a great time being able to work from home. Now they have to go back to the office

like the rest of us. Yeah. Can't do it from your own home now, Nigel. Stick on your full-length

floor-left leather matrix leather jacket and you're back in the streets bitch I know I still remember I got flashed when I was about like I must have been six or seven I still remember the man's face and he

was wearing a floor length coat 100% I was flashed as a kid he was wearing a floor length coat as well but like so they're saying that what was going on was people were like airdropping their dicks into people around them like their phones

but I'm like hackers used to be cool like imagine the Matrix was just all about Keanu Reeves trying to send dick pics like hackers used to have kudos it was something

like anonymous like if you're going to do something by being able to hack people do something worthwhile yeah don to hack people Do something worthwhile Yeah don't send dicks Well send Joanne dicks I'd rather not have a dick Sad day

Sad day for you Great day for everybody else I actually had a marriage request On Instagram Which I thought was quite nice A man just said I'm really into you I'd like to marry you

And I thought about it Because we know how much I like a wedding So do i have another one in me 10 years in a marriage i think is perfectly sufficient i don't think 10 years a bit long i do but i just want to say that oh no spenny's spenny's turned a new leaf he's like a new man he went to this like special therapy thing he won't mind me saying it because he said it himself in the podcast the day he went to this like special therapy thing he won't mind me saying it because he said it himself in the podcast the other day he went to this like intensive therapy course for like four and a half hours and he's realized that he's had no feelings for his entire life I'm like I could have told you that for a lot cheaper eggs he's obviously very like that's amazing though but yeah I think maybe

some like he was maybe just a bit disconnected from himself I can't wait to hear what you're thinking from him when you get back he is slightly different oh my god is he wearing like white linen suits and stuff

and cabala beads he's got one of those red cabala bracelets on yeah yeah just like praying he's moved on to he's thinking of moving on

to the church of Scientology praying in a hammock in the garden oh god no he's not gotten that bad I have bad news well it's good news for me but it's bad news for you

you're not able to come for the comedy awards Are you going? Well one of us has to go and represent if we lose I'd be more so

We're definitely going to lose Oh Joe Well like I'm just saying it's a numbers game and there's no way we can possibly compete with that other podcast that is selling at Wembley Arena

maybe our listeners are more loyal you never know I'll find out if there's a way we can wank our way to the top yeah that's a good idea

it would be more important to me than it would be to you because then I could have like literally an award in my house just to remind people that actually

I am funny you think it would mean more to you to win in a comedy war than me a comic yes are you on crack you already know you're funny you got a fucking taxidermy lobster living in your basement I need this it's a real shame you can't come though I know yeah I know well to be honest with you I don't want you to see me in this state like I was with Amber and my little brother Alexander the other night, and they were talking about going out with Killian,

you know, my cousin Killian, who's great crack. And I was like, amazing, can I come? And they all like, literally just went silent. I was like, please, can I come? Maybe we'll do a dinner first, and you come to that part, and then I have to go home. I'm not even allowed out. That's how crap I am

at the moment. No one even wants me to go out. That's not fair. You were always shit crack. Nothing has changed. I was not shit crack when I went out. The latest on the Rebecca Vardy party. Oh my God.

Wagget the Christy has come to an insanely snaky conclusion. But like Rebecca Varney, I was sure. Because she was so sure of herself. And like she brings it to the high court. And the messages are there in black and white. You absolute snake-a-tron. Imagine being that jealous of somebody. Snake-a-tron.

Snake-a-tron Yeah Imagine being that jealous Of somebody Snake-a-tron Snake-a-tron I love I love so much That she's been stung It's like My favourite thing In the whole world I just cannot

Get over How well She's like Daniel Day-Lewis Like if they do On my left foot too Like it'll be her In the wheelbarrow She can do

anything oh my god she is a proper actor I'm not being bad but like I bet if it was her own money now

she wouldn't I'd say her husband's like for fuck's sake but actually it was it was actually her agent but how amazing

of Colleen Rooney to do that whole thing for so long I know but also it's not even like the stories were good it's you know it's not like Colleen Rooney was having an affair with Gary Lineker it was like Colleen Rooney flooded her house Colleen Rooney crashed her car what I reckon now this is only allegedly and only my opinion but what I reckon she would have been doing is she would have been selling these stupid little stories to like the sauna or something in return for some column inches for herself.

So she wasn't really getting paid for it. It was just in return to get more famous. Possibly, allegedly, I don't know, but that's where I'm going with it. And I hope this story never ends. I can't wait for more. Because she can't just back out now, can she? Can she say I'm guilty? Well, there is kind of a discrepancy over

because when the stories were leaked, Rebecca messaged her agent saying, I wish I'd leaked the stories. It is still kind of murky over what happened, but it was her agent ultimately who did it because her agent was like, ha, ha, ha. She thinks somebody she trusts is leaking her stories. It's me. It's me.

It's like a panto. It's like a soap opera. Imagine hating somebody that much. Like there's nobody that I hate that much. But it also is a horrible insight into like wag female friendships that they were in their close friend circles. And all the messages there in the papers, all they're doing is calling each other behind each other's backs. Yeah. Yeah.

But there's a lot they're doing. Like there's a lot of that in the industry that's why I don't have that many mates in the industry everyone just is like jealous of each other and wanting what other people has

and I'm just like you know what I don't want mates like that that's why I stuck with you because I definitely don't want to have to sit on stage trying to be a comic no thanks

I'm not stealing any of your jobs I actually just I was just interested to see what other people had like sold stories

about people oh good I'd love to be able to sell stories on you well like why would you even bother selling stories about like Vogue

Vogue had missionary sex with Spencer and had a fucking pint of milk in the bath I could sell loads of shit on you yes we know that

I Jo did I ever tell you the time I hooked up with this like I mean I say celebrity I mean I'm using it not a celebrity very fucking loose

like he would have been big in the day you know what I mean like in the kind of I don't know middle ages and him

he was then worried he rang a mutual friend of ours and was like I'm just worried that He would have been big in the day. You know what I mean? Like in the kind of, I don't know, middle ages on him. He was then worried. He rang a mutual friend of ours and was like, I'm just worried that, you know, is she, is she safe? Like,

is she going to sell her story? Tell her fucking story. I said, bring that man back and tell him if anyone's selling their story, it's him. Absolutely.

We don't even sell my story to the medieval gazette that was that was the most offensive thing about that whole thing when he told me that I was like

the fucking the fucking cheeky you I'd be paying him to shut up I'd be paying him to keep it to himself I'd be paying him like I would literally

give him a grand to keep it to himself. I'd be paying him, like I would literally give him a grand to keep his mouth shut. Wouldn't that be amazing if you rode a lad and then revolutioned him 50 quid and was like keep your mouth shut, yeah? Ride a lute.

That's what we'll call it. Revenge ride a lute. Here, keep your mouth shut, yeah? Keep that to yourself I was going to say I looked up all the kind of celebrities who've had people

rat them out Beyonce well her dad stole money from her but also outed her age which she'd been lying about really? I mean,

take all the money you want, but my age? What was the difference of age? Oh, it was only like three years or something. Oh, still. Oh, Jennifer Aniston's mother wrote a book, a tell-all book about her.

Did you know that? Oh my God. Yeah. It's kind of like, what's her name, Meghan Markle's dad. He can't shut him up he won't just shut up

Jesus he is desperate I know I don't know why they won't get in touch with me well Thomas I can I can probably let you know why

absolute arsehole I'd be like mum I'd be wanting her to like do a tell all I'd be like ring up the Sunday Indow and tell them I'm having an affair

with Claudia Winkerman oh that's very random is that on your list I think Claudia would get it yeah really I just don't have the yeah I'm just not

into girls well speaking on behalf of the entire lesbian community no one wants to rise you either oh my god do you know what

my friend Nikki actually I went to school with her for years and when she came out I mean I knew she was a Esri. And I was like, oh,

so did you fancy me in school? She's like, not even like slightly. I was like, excuse me? Yes, you did, is what you mean to say.

She's like, I fancy women. You're quite masculine though. So, it was a no from me. Shut up up Joanne you absolute bloke I've shit to plug

like I literally need a fucking adapter at this stage here's her shit to plug so get ready for a monotone voice can you just send me what you

have to plug and I'll plug it for you no because you'll sound too happy to plug and I'll plug it for you no because you'll sound too happy about it and I'll be embarrassed Cheltenham I'm going to Cheltenham to the races

no I'm doing a show there you know I'm not allowed I'm not allowed around horses now anyway after everything that happened Cheltenham I'm doing the

Belfast Arena that's going on sale it'll be on sale the day this comes out and also just to say sometimes people message going

oh are you are you doing anything in whatever Glasgow there's a whole list of dates on my jimamcnally.com

website so get stuck in and she's not doing any more because I'm banning her now. That's enough. That's enough of it. Go back to the UK.

Thanks for listening, everybody. And as always, send in your lovely listener emails to hello at mtgmpod.com. Thank you.