My Therapist Ghosted Me - Winnipeg, Miriam Margolyes & Celeb Lookalikes

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

This week, MTGM comes at you from a dressing room at The Tyne Theatre in Newcastle! You can expect a big Canadian push from Joanne, a morbid story that TERRIFIED Vogue and a deep dive on Miriam Margolyes.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/MTGM is going on tour in Ireland & The UK! For tickets, merch and more, visit mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Before we get started, I have to, I'm sorry, I have to plug Sack out. Oh yeah, God, I thought you were going to say something bad. Winnipeg, it's bad. It's really bad. Can you plug it nicer? In Winnipeg, it's really grim. Winnipeg. Joanne's coming to Winnipeg. Winnipeggy, come on. Come on, Winnipeggy. Winnipeg and Calgary's not great.

You're going to have a great time. I've seen the show three times myself like i would go if i was in winnipeg calgary i don't know what i don't know what you want from me but what you're doing is cruel and embarrassing like there's talk of moving venues go to toronto vancouver fine not amazing toronto we put on a second date we got overexcited and it's fine but like you know it's not exactly the homecoming that the Irish girls on Instagram promised me when they asked me to go to Canada. I was fed false information. They were like, there's thousands of us here dying to see you. And that was a lie.

Well, I got those messages too. So I would have said put on a third date that was it's fake news FYI it sounds a little bit echoey

echoey because we are backstage in Newcastle I know I'm the same I can't say it without doing it

Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle I'm gonna get more so bad sorry I'm so sorry because

if two English I was about to call us comedians I guess we are now folks thank you so much well Sorry. I'm so sorry. Because if two English, I was about to call us comedians, I guess we are now. Thank you so much. Well, I was. I don't know. You've just kind of. That's the nicest thing

he's ever said to me. Well, you're winging it, but you're doing a really good job. And if they come to Ireland and did a really bad Irish accent, I'd find it very offensive. Spenny, he can't help himself particularly.

Yeah, but I do find it offensive when he does it. Well, why don't you tell him? No, I have I think he has such a penchant he's so English he just doesn't listen to me for the Cork accent

he's got such a love for it that like he just he wishes he was from Cork he's horny for Cork yeah yeah that's what I do in bed I just like put on a Cork accent

come on Spenny up you langer you dirty langer lob it in there lob it in there you langer and we've started on the sex chat back to your shows

JoanneMcMalley.com Winnipeg I'm like I don't I think it's costing me money now to go to Winnipeg and I'm still gonna go because I'm a woman

of my word but I'll be literally handing people five quid in the street to come in so just if anyone knows anyone in Winnipeg

like don't put me through this no but come on you know it's gonna be a good night it's gonna be a fun night it's gonna be

a good time I might fly to Winnipeg there I said it well I I kind of I did have to ask my agent

you know whose idea was it to go to Winnipeg but it's too late now you're going to Winnipeg you can't wait you're now. You're going to Winnipeg.

I'm going. You can't wait. You're going to have a great show in Winnipeg. Don't miss it. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to try and go to Winnipeg and just enjoy my time there. And then I'll just throw a show in

and just try and enjoy Winnipeg. So pretend you're going on holidays there and then it's like, oh, fuck it, I'll do a show. And I'm sure the three people that come to the show by the end of it will be quite close. Yeah, it'll be really good friends. Me and those three people. I'm looking forward to it.

Yeah. Vogue will be there if that, Vogue. I will be there. Drama scientists. Yeah. by the end of it we'll be quite close yeah it'll be really good friends me and those three people I'm looking forward to it yeah Vogue will be there if that Vogue I will be there Joanne will sign tits yeah but I will charge your tits in

for ticket sales yeah tits each and then a tit each that's three three tickets per person just to cover my costs my tits will get 70% off

oh yeah no your tits will get in for free oh I thought so yeah I could argue that mine are pecs there's literally nothing to sign so

I'd be Signing myself a lot of times You know when you're naked Like and I do my body Moisturiser And it just so happens To be in front of the mirror And when you lean down

I was like When you see them At certain angles Speaking of tits At certain angles Yeah I know I have a mental block

About her name And it's not A sign of disrespect Because I'm mad about her Miriam Margoyles I about her Miriam Margoyles I love her Miriam Margoyles Miriam

go on Jo Miriam Margolies Miriam Margolies look I've got her Wikipedia open fab front page of Vogue 83

is she 83 Jo 82 82 82 I thought she was I apologise born in 1941 do you know she lives

in three different places so she lives in Kent Australia And then she goes to Italy She's been with her Girlfriend For a long time So yeah

52 years I think she's saying She's never They've never lived together I know Or her partner's 52 There's numbers going around Jo No she's been with her partner

For around 52 years She has They've never lived together That might be the secret To such a happy relationship So Miriam Margulies Miriam Margarine

Miriam Marmalade she wouldn't care because she's got a great sense of humour and it's the name it just I just have a mental block

about her name but I have her book I'm in the middle of reading her book she is the woman we should aspire to be she is ferociously independent leads an amazingly

glam but kind of eccentric life I would say doesn't give a shit is ferociously independent, leads an amazingly glam, but kind of eccentric life, I would say. Doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give two fucks. To me, I think,

oh, she doesn't sit around, read philosophy and drink champagne. That's probably not true, but I feel like she's devoted her life to bettering herself rather than bettering someone else. look at all those things. She's been in films,

all those films. Do you know she was in Romeo and Juliet? What? She was Leonardo's kind of advisor in it. look at all those things she's been in films all those films do you know she was in Romeo and Juliet she was Leonardo's kind of advisor in it I don't remember that

because I'm kind of picking it up putting it down I haven't had like a real time to kind of really bond with her bond with the book

there's a lot of childhood chat which always in books I just am like Miriam your adult life is so because there is always with those books

there's always so much detail with the childhood and you're like come on just get me to the blowies I like the childhood stuff you're not gonna if you're looking for blowies it's not gonna happen in that book okay in Miriam's book she's done loads of blowies oh fuck really welcome to Miriam's world once her once her adolescent sex life starts, it's savage. But always with those books. I'm just going to make me feel bad about mine because I'm always in a relationship or married. Are you writing an autobiography? No, I am not.

Then wait till your blowy era comes and then write an autobiography. If you haven't had it yet, that's fine. Wait till the blowy time. Jo, have you had your blowy era? No, but it could happen. It's all ahead of you, babe. Yeah. I'll tell you what, you were slagging my big mate there last week. Do you know what it's good for? Blowies. No. But it could happen. It's all ahead of you babe. Yeah. I'll tell you what. You were slagging my big mate there last week.

Do you know what it's good for? Blowies. Okay. I just only want to blow one lad at a time. I don't know what you're equipped for. But I don't have the energy for what you're equipped for. I don't do the marshmallow trick. I do the dick trick.

How many can fit in at one time? Four. Four. You're doing yourself a disservice. I've seen that thing at full extension. And it is a nine job at least. In a strange way, I'd love to... And like six weight in the wings.

In a strange way, I'd actually love to test that out. Six weight in the wings. Someone get rid of the poppers. It opens more. I went into this sex shop in Queensland. Don't worry about it. And I had a real good chat with your man

working behind the counter real sound guy anyway went in I was on the hunt for dildos no folk

how dare you well I've assumed that what's what it would be what were you on the hunt for I can't remember hummus I don't know red pepper

it was the only shop open in town what were you on what were you on what were you on the hunt for did you see this right there's a I saw an Amazon

review of egg cock rings but it's this cock ring that it was I don't well I don't okay

I don't I don't have this one right because it's got a camera on it and some guy was like the angle's all wrong. Like, it's got all these reviews

on the cock ring and the angle. I've never actually used it on a woman, but it's quite good when I use it on myself. I'm like, you're using the cock ring on yourself? What? Of course. People are, people are,

we are gross. Like, we are gross and fascinated with ourselves. Fascinated with ourselves. No, I was going to say, I started watching that show with Lily Rose Death

oh the idol she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life you cannot stop watching her I love her outfit she's exquisite

like so the weekend and her like I've gotten I've gotten to the part where they're I'm only on the second episode but like she's like

like kind of choking herself as she's like fingering herself what yeah I feel like it would be like rubbing of choking herself as she's like fingering herself what yeah I feel like it would be like rubbing your tummy and patting your head at the same time

very difficult she does a great job that's really funny yeah it really it really gets into it I'm going to buy that joke off you for my next show The Pino Camino

The Pot Camino the Pinot Camino I would love 20 quid say nothing put it in the book rubbing your head why is it that you

tap your stomach you have to tap your head and rub your tummy at the same time you're like I could come if I could concentrate yeah this is just too hard

oh yeah what did you buy in the sanctuary don't lie don't lie it doesn't matter what I bought that's my five a time

that's not why I was telling the story I want to know what you bought was it a toy or was it clothes a nurse's outfit I honestly went in

for I bought a swimming togs oh netted ones obviously like with you know. Cropped lips. Yeah, like it wasn't like, you wouldn't be wearing them to Trafalgar now, right?

You wouldn't be popping in in the family pool in Spain. I went in to buy a sexy tog. What's the most embarrassing thing you bought? And a lube that won't electrocute the vibrators because you have to have water based lubricant

if you buy the plasticky cheap shit it erodes why are you nodding Jo you know you know

these are the real you have to buy a water based lube for certain dildos or it erodes the like I don't know look I'm not a fucking engineer I don't know you have to buy a water-based lube for certain dildos or it erodes the like I don't know

the look I'm not a fucking engineer I don't know it was open I went in okay anyway the point is

I'm just like I put a wheelbarrow on a pot plant it doesn't matter the point is I went in and I was like oh hello I went in really sound guy

working behind the counter and but at the sign on the door was like no poppers no poppers don't ask us we won't tell you

no poppers in the next door absolutely do not ask us about poppers so of course the second time I went in I was like what's the problem

with the poppers and he's like oh my god because oh by the way jumping on me and Vogue

are getting outfits designed for the three arena shows yeah so Vogue sent getting outfits designed for the three arena shows yeah so Vogue sent me through I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know the designs and your man is sent through an image of what Vogel wear an image of what I'll wear and Vogel goes you're the bottom I'm the top

and I was like I've never been more triggered I was like I know but you didn't have to fucking say it

it's very clear that's our dynamic but you didn't have to write it down she's like you're the bottom yeah I'm the top

I don't know if I would you would be the bottom happy pride to us bottom happy pride to us yeah happy pride to us cheers to pride yes pride can I just say

I was watching so are we skipped are we done with the snack shop no this is I was going to tell you about another snack shop miss ADHD over there just fucking jumped on it actually goes with the topic I thought no this is I was going to tell you about another sex shop Miss ADHD over there just fucking jumped on

it actually goes with the topic I suppose I'm homeless out of a sex shop I'd like to see how you're going to segue back into that so I saw this thing on Vice about

dick amnesia yeah so can you think back to a dick like a long dick ago dicks ago can you remember it like a dick? Like a long dick ago, dicks ago. Can you remember it? Like, I can't.

Set the scene. So it's really hard to remember a past partner. Like, I'm sure you can remember. 16, you're at the pre-tabs in Glasgow. Around the size of the... I remember my first proper boy. My first, the guy, well, I didn't leave my majority to him. You remember his dick? No, of course I remember my first Proper boy My first The guy

Well I didn't leave my majority to him You remember his dick No of course I can't Please How can you I don't remember I've got dick amnesia Because I photographed it

Against his will I had no consent And I went into a dark room And developed them At night Like a serial killer No this is back in the day of like digital cameras and stuff. I'm sure there's something.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. My point was, I was supposed to lose my virginity to him. Things got confused. I lost it to a Turkish writer. It's another story. He knows it's fine. But he was my first like naked man that I like saw, you know, regularly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was so confused because I had seen photos of like dicks and balls like classic drawings where it was like like a like a long like it's quite phallic and then two perfectly formed testes each exact same in size kind of flowering on either side of the peni of the peni okay of the peni two tasties

equal in size flowered but shrooming outside of the peni oh shrooming is really you've ruined it it was sexy

until you said shrooming I'm trying to brainwash us both into lesbianism I'm doing that so shrooming outside of the peni and then when I saw my first

penis the testes didn't match and I was like he's not well like so I didn't understand that it was

they were in a sack hanging below I hope my mum my mum says she doesn't listen to this I fucking hope she's telling the truth

I know Svenny's mum definitely listens to this so here we go hi Jane hi Jane hey Jane how are you your wrist is lovely

love anyway it does look great it sure looks great but yeah so when I first saw it then it was like the pinoy

and then the sack hanging down like when you buy a goldfish out of a fair yeah it's just like swishing around down the bottom

and it was one sack. I don't remember. See, I do have dick amnesia. I don't remember any. I remember them all. I don't even remember spending some yesterday, I don't think.

I don't think about it. They slap you in the face enough it kind of hits you in the face. I'm joking. Dick amnesia is a thing though. Go on. Why? Give us your stats.

So if you can't, if you can't remember like if they had a foreskin or not god I couldn't either who the fuck sorry all Irish ones

have foreskins I remember when like I was first getting into things like into the swing of my worldliness and like I didn't really know what it would look like

without a foreskin I just thought that they all looked like that yeah it's just a padded jacket I don't even know if I know what it would be like without a foreskin it's like

it's like what you put in a boiler a lagging jacket yeah a lagging jacket which is without the jumper I wouldn't even know If I know what it would be like When I had a foreskin It's like It's like what you put in a boiler It's just without the jumper A lagging jacket Yeah a lagging jacket Which is without the jumper I wouldn't Like honestly

Like to be honest All Americans I heard your one from Selling Sunset said Of course we're getting him Circumcised And I was like what Well I think that now

They see it as like It's kind of a modern Hygiene thing almost But like listen If you've If you've still got your Lagging jacket on Me and Bogger still

Spenny still has his jumper and I enjoy it I like the jumper bit hot at the moment but you know what he'll get through the summer yeah I'm surprised you haven't

vacuum packed his fucking jacket have you not vacuum packed his dick like you do all seasonal clothing I did attempt it but it's on the track

Spenny's just dead in a bag we're like I'm sorry but it's summer I'm sorry it's summer jackets get vacuum packed for the summer

that's what happens if you don't want to take off your nightgown jacket putting them up get it in get it in her leaf putting them up to Christmas decorations

I'm sorry you died but that's just what it is you've got to abide by the rules if you want to stay in my house exactly I wear a tight ship that is that she's dead now

so here's one if you had to pick all your ex's penises out of a line up could you do it could you I couldn't what an amazing question

like I could do a couple I reckon we'd need a big conveyor belt to be like an airport no for you maybe I haven't done enough for myself

I wanted your number what is your number one of the big things we have in common is we regret not being more worldly when we have the opportunity and we will say that to any younger listeners of which there are joe will be a lot of younger listeners how many my what's my number yeah right it's around it's not it's around I would say go I'm trying to actually calculate because I was this I'd say it's yeah me too oh god pathetic I know do you know why mine is so low though and actually look your number's your number whatever no shame etc blah blah blah but because I had such a hang up

about it at the start that it was that having sex with someone meant they took something from me I wasn't sex positive in the way

it wasn't about my enjoyment it was about me giving them a part of me that I couldn't get back so I was so careful about who I gave it to

I also think there was a lot of shame around it like loads about being seen as a slut big time but also like the slut thing fine sadly I think that will always be a thing however I do say as an adult I will say this and it's probably not a cool thing to say but I don't really enjoy riding someone that I don't like unless I have some sort of emotional connection I don't enjoy the sex no I don't want to get banged by a stranger I I I've tried I've tried yeah you know what I mean it's so true but it's nice to be able to tell somebody and be like talk through it talk me talk me through it you're laying me down that is wrong i don't know what you're touching there it's not where it's supposed to be and i do like think again anecdotally i've no real

proof of this that i think myself and i'm trying to be careful here because i don't want to like piss off women who just love going out and riding the rides through the weekend and like whatever fine but yeah but if you enjoy that kind of sex that's grand I just don't so it was like the one night stands you're like I got absolutely

nothing out of that I just felt I was just a receiver in that situation not a receiver of anything decent no so I'm like

no no no for me to have a good sexual experience I kind of need to kind of like I kind of need to know who I'm dealing with yeah

and also and I know I'm sorry it's I kind of need to know who I'm dealing with yeah and also and I know I'm sorry it's I kind of need to be into them oh god me too

I know it's pathetic will we talk sorry I'm sorry for having emotions will we talk about our week Jesus

speaking of sex I went right today oh god to I don't even know what I am so basically I had my period

for a month yeah so it was the pill doing it to me your one was like go off the pill go off the pill I went off the pill

I think I'm gonna get the coil any coilers out there let me know why the coil though because I don't have any hormones in my body so I just want to

just be on the copper coil with no hormones and not have to worry it sounds like you're getting decanted like I can't get my head around it you're getting it sounds like you're getting a corkscrew put in your vag that's what it sounds like yeah that's what I am that's what I am but she gave me a special tablet and I was like oh so you just put it up like like a thrush thing and she goes no it goes up your bum what to like to like anisithise the area oh yeah

of course yeah the bum meds what are they called suppositories a suppository yeah supposit away so that's what I was

I went to try and get it done today and then I didn't leave did you bring any with you the suppositories which I would like can you only get me one suppository so

you're actually lucky because I have read horror stories about well don't tell me I haven't got it yet oh cheers to the coil

yes to the coil to the coil to the coil no but seriously like horror stories about doctors

blah blah blah not giving women pain relief when they put the coil in she said it's twice as bad as getting a smear it's twice as bad as a smear she told me

yeah and it wasn't that bad so you need to you need to make sure you're like am I going to be giving pain relief you need to kind of ask

because I think the pain relief slows with the process because they have to obviously wait you come in they have to wait until you feel

the effects the pain relief so I think look I'm reading shit about America. So I don't know, maybe it's not the same as the UK. I know somebody went

to get it done and she had to stop halfway through. She was like, I physically couldn't do it. That's what I'm saying. I know, but I got the injection before

and I got, I broke out so badly with my skin for like six months. It was the worst. I'd like spots on spots on spots. And I just,

I just don't want to take hormones anymore. Yeah. You look, I'd rather raise a child and get to. Take hormones anymore. Yeah. You know. I'd rather raise a child. Than get a spot. Fuck it. No times.

I did. You can't filter a child. Out of existence. Have you seen Davina Shaw. With a pill? No. I called her Davina. I don't know her.

Personally. My good friend Davina. My good friend Davina. But I'd be interested to watch. She. Why? She has a. One of my friends.

Started taking the mini pill when we were teenagers and she went absolutely like bats yeah I was I used to take Yasmin when I was younger

and then I went on to Yaz and I went crazy on that for a while wow and then after I had the baby so I went on the I can't remember what it is Sarazette

and that just I just can't be done without my period from her yeah one of the girls had one of the like vial put into her arm

yeah that's actually what I get it wasn't the injection I had the implant yeah yeah she had the implant oh my god

but she said she bled and bled and bled and bled I'm not being bad but like when you talk about it

you're like Jo come here Jo focus for a second do you hear us talking about the trauma of female contraception contraception

like would you consider getting the snipper Anthony no like why is it up to us I will tell you Sven he said he would get the snipper

after we had our babies did he yeah and do you know he'd probably do it himself on some Bear Grylls documentary or something oh it will be filmed

channel 4 darling channel 4 listen to this some women get the snip so if they're on their last baby and let's say they have the woman told me today in the wellness clinic

she said that that women sometimes after they have their last baby if they're getting a c-section they'll get their tube snipped but there is a 1 in like 200

chance that it won't work and with men getting the sniff there's a one in 2000 chance because I know a man who was 61 and got his wife pregnant and he had gotten the sniff 61. Is this the same

gentleman at your, at Amber's 40th he told you the last time your father was lonely because it kind of sounded like it might have been the same guy Sorry it's a very dick heavy pod put a trigger warning on this joke

no not a trigger warning what's the opposite of a trigger warning what's it like kind of come on in you're going to want what's the opposite I don't know

dick flag where's the dick flag yeah where's the dick flag did you see oh my god I've been sent this story so many times. I know what you're going to say.

I told you in it. I saw. On the BBC News. I was like, she'll love this thing. A dead woman was found alive and breathing

inside her coffin at her own funeral. She had a stroke. Ecuador, 76. It's literally everyone's worst nightmare now what I will say

I love where you're like a dead woman was found alive did you hear about the dead woman who's alive oh my god stop what I will say is it's not like she sprang up and went back to live a full life

she basically just started breathing again and then was wheeled back to the fucking hospice. Like, do you know what I mean? She will never have known she was almost buried. That's all I'll say in defense of Ecuador.

I mean, she was in her own casket. Yeah, she was. They hadn't closed the lid, folks. They hadn't closed the lid. I know, but this is why some people who don't want an open casket, you need to think again.

Human fallibility. People don't, if you're not going to stick a thermometer in someone and check if they're dead or not what do you expect

how did that happen do you know what Amber once did this is only about two months ago Amber went to a person's wake she went to a person's wake

right sometimes I feel like this podcast is just narrating Amber's life while you're in the show so she went to someone's wake she went to a person's wake right sometimes i feel like this podcast is just narrating amber's life while you're in the show so she went to someone's wake to pay her respects she got to the door of the funeral home signed the book off she went in she was she went straight up to the coffin looked inside she's such a pro like I would be finding her around her in the back

trying to get the trying to get the do you know like the confidence to go to the coffin Amber straight up to the coffin straight away

looked inside and was like oh he looks very different she was at she was at she was at the wrong funeral

there was two there was two eggs going on at the same time but she she'd like written in the book and everything like that written in the family's like funeral book and gone and looked at the body but did she sorry hold on a second as soon as she saw the body she was obviously like right that's not who i'm coming to see that's not who i'm coming to visit that's not who i'm coming to visit what has happened to you you don't look well in death auntie margaret why have you transitioned

at the last the last moment in your life harley seems worth the effort who had she been wanting To go and see Another fella A fella from Hope Another fella Okay Yeah so I'll tell you this though I don't know

Me and Vi were obsessed With death I know I sometimes say that's Really different But they're funny death stories A hundred percent But what I will say is

People look very different In death Oh my god yeah And you will love it We've discussed this before I'm sure we've discussed This before I won't enjoy the paleness now I won't enjoy the paleness now

I won't enjoy the paleness you won't but do you think that anyone will let you go into that ground path think here on your business manager that whole fucking

warehouse in Cork will be emptied on you before you go into the ground the face serum like everything actually it won't it does get brown spray paint

like they do for cars yeah something like that I look good spray tan spray get brown spray paint like they do for cars yeah something like that I look good spray tan spray tan they'll be like you'll die tropical if I'm alive

when you die trust me you'll die tropical my brother told me a story this oh yesterday actually last night

because he'd listened to her pod about that man coming up to to me at my dad's Amber's birthday yeah about my dad's funeral

it's a lola I know he saw me right You look so lonely daddy Daddy don't leave me Daddy don't go You look so lonely But

I already forgot Your dad was a car salesman Yeah He got me my first car It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really

It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It such a sent up job if you get me like every sitcom it's always they're always dodgy

as well they're always dodgy car salesmen they're not I'm not saying they are in real life I'm saying they're always

painted as being this like it's like Del Boy shit well he used to like because he gave me my first car and I got a Peugeot 206 mint green

which was my favourite car in the whole world oh my god amazing but obviously he got an offer on it and then it was just gone I got home from school one day and it was gone she replaced it he replaced it with a skoda fabia in burnt

orange i was like what what where's my view show did you kill your father out of a wrench because i would have una who directs our show so last week but our clicker we have a clicker in the live show we both have a clicker each

what's a clicker? a clicker is a clicker to click through the slides for the show and I Vogue's broke last week so I

mine worked so I clicked through the show and then today Una was like I'm going to give it to Vogue this week because yours worked last week and I was like we're not four

like we're Jo just saw what her dressing room no no no no no it's fine going to give it to Vogue this week because yours worked last week. And I was like, we're not four. Jo just saw what her dressing room was. No, no, no, no, it's fine. I just think, Vogue, shut up this week. It's you had it last week. It's like, when have we ever demonstrated? Like, what? When? Where?

What? Like, what? I'm 49 years of age, I think. Jo. I can handle it. One week I click the show. Like, anyway. Jo, Jo. You clicked it one week I click the show like anyway

Joe you clicked it last week it's only for her vote clicks it this week Joe gives us different dressing rooms every week so one week you get

the better one and the next week I get the better one even though we always stay in the same one yeah we do stay in the same one oh my god did you hear the story

of the food worker who well the food place supplied Nando's he spat in the sauces and spiked

tubs of hummus with metal rings and rubber gloves why am I aroused I I I you put

what cock rings in the sauce what did you say so why was your man spitting into the sauce no one knows why revenge he man spitting into the sauce? No one knows why. Revenge?

He was contaminating like fish sauce to non-fish dressings. He was. What does that mean now? So he was putting fish sauce in dressings that were not meant to have any fish in them. That's low level revenge. That's low level revenge. Sesame and chili sauce he was adding to things as well as his own bodily fluids. You see that's where things kick off.

Like putting soy sauce on chip isn't, that's where things kick off. Like, putting soya sauce on chip isn't, you know, I could accept. People die of sesame though. They have sesame, like, yeah. sorry, of course,

allergies. Yeah. And so he was caught on CCTV poking a hole in a plastic container and then spat in it. I, I mean, I cannot even share a drink

with my children. I know. I was, remember I came in, I was so parched and I tried to take a drink with my children I know I was remember I came in I was so parched and I tried to take a drink of your dilute my dilute

it's me my waddy not your waddy dilute sorry dilute is we were in where were we

in Glasgow in Glasgow when we were out for dinner with Rowan our friend and Vogue drinks

flavoured water so yes me and Rowan our friend and Vogue drinks flavoured water so me and Rowan were like obviously as adults having pints of wine and

Vogue was like I just want flavoured water and we were like oh okay so what will we order and we couldn't figure out

what they because it's called my waddy in Ireland you call all of it my waddy we call it dilutable my waddy

yeah diluted ribena squash it's a squash up there they call it cordial my body yeah dilute like squash it's a squash and up there they call it cordial in the because today in the

hotel I was trying to order you a dilute did you go and say can I have a dilute your man comes to the table and folks like a dilute a dilute

trying to get in with the and your man's like what looks at her like she just shot in the floor he's like what are you talking about we were like a dilute the time that went into explaining

and he was like oh I know it's really hard to explain and they don't have it that's what I love about Ireland because you just you can get a blacker and any pub you come into I was like non-alcoholic water

it's purple What happened in your week? So Matt would book her out Oh I saw that you took him to my work husband i didn't i didn't i didn't take him shopping he accidentally came shopping with me oh i knitted into zara and can i just say zara i find i'm in a kind of toxic relationship with zara

sometimes their stuff is just deadly like you want everything and then sometimes you're like i just want to take a nap this shit's so boring so anyway I went in and the shit was amazing like these like Alexander Wang style denim jackets like covered in diamantes like fucking savage anyway Garell was like I'll come in with you and he's so cute he's like maybe we'll like all do we'll do like go to the men's section like you know tell me we're together whatever I know because I'm always slagging him for being a plaid gay just a gay in plaid shirts and if they are a huge part of the gay community, but they just, you don't see them that often. He was gigging with Jonathan Van Ness, who I love from. Do you know what's so funny?

Do you know what's so funny? What? That me and Gerard talked for three hours about all our shit and never talked about that. Why? I don't know I was dying for the goss on him we were like anything else anything else

because we had so much to discuss and we never talked about him I love Groud he's so nice Groud's amazing so anyway we went to him upstairs Manzara

and he's like what about the mash and I was like Groud I'm sorry like you're trying you're you know what I mean like you're

you need to potentially you're in a tiered Like you're You need to Potentially You're in a Tiered system now Of You need to move into like A polo shirt I don't think he's polo

He'd look good in a polo net Isaac Rowd Mesh for pride 100% Yeah Do you think he'd commit to it It's 1799 He's like absolutely not

No So we walked past the mash a lot of mash in males are for pride a lot of mash okay so Joanne told me a story

last week she basically is she pulled a Joanne and we want to say a big thank you to Mick her work because Joanne

was washing her hands took her rings off by the sink left these amazing rings that Alan had gotten her for her Joanne was washing her hands took her rings off by the sink left these amazing rings that Alan had gotten her for her 40th birthday for her

so like a proper ring not the usual choice that I'd be rocking like a real ring a proper amazing ring and the lovely bus driver Mick O'Rourke brought her back

and got her and he didn't bring me back he drove back himself like speed he went back on his own and got the ring I was like I'm after leaving a ring

I said it's an expensive ring I'm after just getting it it was for my 40 blah blah blah like freaking out because I knew oh god I knew that

there was no coming back from losing this ring do you know what I mean it's like losing an engagement ring it's not an engagement ring but it's like that but it's not

oh god well it's really sentimental yeah so your man anyway Mick O'Rourke was like I'll go back and he drove back to the departures and fucking found it Mick O'Rourke was like I'll go back and he drove back to the departures and fucking found it

Mick O'Rourke you're absolutely legend there's a lot of sounders in Dublin Airport I have to say our legos so I went to West Side Story

last night in Borgosh oh yeah really good fab I love that theatre the voice on your one is like So I went to West Side Story last night in Borgash Oh yeah Really good Fab I love that theatre The voice on your one is like insane like

do you know when you're like is this am I hearing what I'm hearing They have amazing plays going in there Borgash is amazing gorgeous venue the whole shebang

but like her voice do you remember the story West Side Story have you seen it it's basically have you not? So it's Romeo and Juliet modernized

into like 19 something America. I'm going to, 1950s I would say. 1950s I would say. So it's the Jets, the Sharks, a lot of,

a lot of clicking. Oh, okay, okay. It's, um, Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans.

Oh, Puerto Ricans. New York versus Puerto Ricans oh Puerto Ricans New York versus Puerto Ricans and then obviously one of the the woman from Puerto Rican family

falls in love with one of the men from the New York New York family and so that's what West Side Story is but it's just

loads of dancing loads of this loads of clicking it's super good we loved it. 12 stars. Like the set's amazing. The cast are amazing.

It's just fab. Loved it. They do really good stuff. But if you are allergic to clicking, stay away. I love a good click. What was I doing this week? I shot for my new collection

and I was outside the hotel shooting what collection my little mistress go on yeah so I was outside shooting it and I watched this

there was a like a porter who works in the hotel and he was standing outside and he was a really nice older gentleman but I was standing there posing

you're calling everyone an older gentleman what's this about well there's older people in the world and he was an older person you're so respectful yeah

he may or may not be a gentleman he looks like one to me he's just old yeah yeah yeah I'm trying to be smart I think if you say an old man

it's just a bit rude I actually I totally agree yeah so he was an older gentleman and I was standing outside you know when I do my fake laugh

and then you're going straight back to posing and then it's like ha ha ha ha oh yeah I looked at his face as I back to posing and then it's like oh yeah I looked at his face as I was doing it and he was literally like what is wrong with her I've never seen somebody like be just so like shocked generation I know what it is it must be really weird to watch

somebody having their picture taken remember that model who was dancing with all those clothes on and she had her arms and legs going up and down. The pictures looked amazing. But she looked crazy doing the dancing. But it's like everyone is kind of doing little mini shoots off their own part of the mountain. But it is that there is an element of embarrassment when you see yourself through the eyes of someone else. Yeah. While you're trying to perform for the shoot. Yeah. You look like a wanker

yeah I did it was just now to line up and even when I was on the train today coming up here I was on the train coming to Newcastle and there was an older couple sitting in front of me

older gentleman yeah older gentleman and an older lady sitting in front of me what's a a gentle lady a gentle lady an older gentleman

on a fucking slag if you give him the respect you must give her the respect. But I'd always do my And a geriatric slag. How kind of you. I would always do my makeup on the train

before I get off to save time. And I whipped out the makeup bag and their faces just dropped. And I was like They think you're a wanker. They don't wanker they don't like our generation like I don't blame them there's shit that the younger generation do that I also judge but the

older generation judge us for doing shit like doing makeup on trains that's rude selfies ring lights all that shit it's embarrassing it is embarrassing we're an embarrassment it's rude to do your makeup on trains and I know it is but I know that it's actually not rude I'm sorry you pay unless unless you've all your fucking powders like spread out on the table it's actually not rude like I did my makeup in the taxi today on the way into the airport like that. Yeah I would always

do that as well. I tapped away put a bit of concealer on put a bit of mascara on obviously your man accelerated the second I started to put mascara on which I felt like it was an attack but you know it was a attack but you know it's it was a time saving exercise it wasn't a vanity project

but to them that whatever to that generation if I did that in front of my stepdad he would be like what are you doing he wouldn't be able for it they see it as vanity

like I do think that my mother's generation think that our generation are self obsessed generation think that our generation are self-obsessed I forgot to tell you about my favorite topic of the whole week Khalees and Bill Murray are said to be dating who can blame her she's 43 he's 72 there's a 29 year age gap that's a great team right there I'm sorry oh my god so sick but what I will say I don't think

an age gap matters after a certain point now it doesn't if I was to go out with somebody who was like 25 now and I'm 37 you'd really notice it

and you wouldn't want them to be around your friends because they'd be really quite young and like there is the odd immature one but they still are only like

100% 25 they haven't lived a life I think these these two could go the distance they could get married they might have kids in the house

so whether it's true or not I don't know firstly Bill Murray all the time all the way like dinner party guest Bill Murray

100% yeah 100% also amazing dinner party guest like what a cool team whether it's true I don't know because I read some other article

which was underneath the other article you know yourself which was saying that there's someone going around at the moment just like lashing out these wild rumors

and of course people just want to believe they're true so I don't know whether it's true I would wish that it was then he's got the sound like I'm at this stage

where I'm like actually I just want to ride sound I just want to ride fun 100% that's all I want and actually I have never

I wouldn't say that looks were like not saying people I went out with were ugly or anything like that and certainly not saying Svenny's not good looking

but I've always gone caveat well done T's and C's tick tick tick I've always gone for personalities I wouldn't call him ugly but he does make me've always gone for personalities I wouldn't call him ugly but he does make me vomit

but I wouldn't I wouldn't call him ugly but he's a 2 out of 10 I'm not saying he's ugly just doesn't do it for me when he's inside me I want to cry but I wouldn't call him ugly though

but I feel like I've always kind of gone for personalities oh did you see Shakira and Lewis Hamilton as well now that there is truth to that because they have been hanging out they're hanging out which is different Calise and Bill Murray I don't know if they've ever even been photographed together like it's a wild rumor which one we're all in we all I know because we kind of wanted to happen yeah because they seem like a really cool couple Tom Cruise and Cher went out they didn't they did I'm sorry

they absolutely didn't they were photographed together he was 23 and she was 38 do you want do you want to be horrified by something so there's a site

where you upload a picture of yourself and it tells you which shalab you're most suited to shalab shalab shalab

based on how your face looks oh so apparently our faces are very similar I would say I'm baby Belle no based on how your face looks so apparently our faces are very similar I would say I'm baby Belle no I

Vogue Vogue that's me my face is similar to Owen Wilson's I'm not being bad but I do see that I'm not having that

I think Owen Wilson is an attractive guy on his own right stop caveating it just say it you're horrified I don't want to look like Owen Wilson I want attractive guy on his own right. Stop caveating it. Just say it. You're horrified.

I don't want to look like Owen Wilson. I want to not look like him. I can see there's a nugget there. Well, yours is meatloaf. Are you actually joking? Hand me a knife now. Are you joking me yeah I'm like

yours is I'm so this is fucking bullshit hers is Heath Ledger I hate you I want him it's not fair me love thing

like I was like I'm gonna go back in like I'm gonna go back into the phone room like I no offense to me love I'm sure he doesn't care because he's dead

but like someone like I've got I make an effort I put eyeliner on like I've got, I make an effort, I put eyeliner on, like I, every day, I try,

you know what I mean? I try, I really fucking try, I wash my hair, I shave my legs, I do all the things I'm supposed to do and just because I wear

a leather jacket from Zara, I look like me. Now, if that had been true, I really, I just I'd slip into the straight track on myself

well thank you everyone for listening that was Calgary oh we actually do have some tickets Winnie Pegg for my therapist ghost

don't worry about my therapist ghost that's Grant for SACO it's struggling okay it's. Don't worry about my therapist ghosted me about. That's grand. For SACO, it's struggling, okay? It's draining. Don't worry about ghosts. Ghosts, fine.

Vancouver, Toronto, Dubai. SACO is on the way. TorontoMcCartney.com. Click gigs. My therapist ghosted me.com. Don't worry about that. Click gigs. Ghosted 20.

Ghosted 20. Bye, everyone. Thank you.