Winnipeg, Miriam Margolyes & Celeb Lookalikes
00:00 This is a Global Player original podcast. Before we get started, I have to, I'm sorry, I have to plug Sack out. Oh yeah, God, I thought you were going to say something bad. Winnipeg, it's bad. It's really bad. Can you plug it nicer? In Winnipeg, it's really grim. Winnipeg. Joanne's coming to Winnipeg. Winnipeggy, come on. Come on, Winnipeggy. Winnipeg and Calgary's not great.
00:43 You're going to have a great time. I've seen the show three times myself like i would go if i was in winnipeg calgary i don't know what i don't know what you want from me but what you're doing is cruel and embarrassing like there's talk of moving venues go to toronto vancouver fine not amazing toronto we put on a second date we got overexcited and it's fine but like you know it's not exactly the homecoming that the Irish girls on Instagram promised me when they asked me to go to Canada. I was fed false information. They were like, there's thousands of us here dying to see you. And that was a lie.
01:22 Well, I got those messages too. So I would have said put on a third date that was it's fake news FYI it sounds a little bit echoey
01:30 echoey because we are backstage in Newcastle I know I'm the same I can't say it without doing it
01:36 Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle I'm gonna get more so bad sorry I'm so sorry because
01:43 if two English I was about to call us comedians I guess we are now folks thank you so much well Sorry. I'm so sorry. Because if two English, I was about to call us comedians, I guess we are now. Thank you so much. Well, I was. I don't know. You've just kind of. That's the nicest thing
01:51 he's ever said to me. Well, you're winging it, but you're doing a really good job. And if they come to Ireland and did a really bad Irish accent, I'd find it very offensive. Spenny, he can't help himself particularly.
02:01 Yeah, but I do find it offensive when he does it. Well, why don't you tell him? No, I have I think he has such a penchant he's so English he just doesn't listen to me for the Cork accent
02:10 he's got such a love for it that like he just he wishes he was from Cork he's horny for Cork yeah yeah that's what I do in bed I just like put on a Cork accent
02:18 come on Spenny up you langer you dirty langer lob it in there lob it in there you langer and we've started on the sex chat back to your shows
02:29 JoanneMcMalley.com Winnipeg I'm like I don't I think it's costing me money now to go to Winnipeg and I'm still gonna go because I'm a woman
02:39 of my word but I'll be literally handing people five quid in the street to come in so just if anyone knows anyone in Winnipeg
02:47 like don't put me through this no but come on you know it's gonna be a good night it's gonna be a fun night it's gonna be
02:52 a good time I might fly to Winnipeg there I said it well I I kind of I did have to ask my agent
02:59 you know whose idea was it to go to Winnipeg but it's too late now you're going to Winnipeg you can't wait you're now. You're going to Winnipeg.
03:05 I'm going. You can't wait. You're going to have a great show in Winnipeg. Don't miss it. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to try and go to Winnipeg and just enjoy my time there. And then I'll just throw a show in
03:13 and just try and enjoy Winnipeg. So pretend you're going on holidays there and then it's like, oh, fuck it, I'll do a show. And I'm sure the three people that come to the show by the end of it will be quite close. Yeah, it'll be really good friends. Me and those three people. I'm looking forward to it.
03:24 Yeah. Vogue will be there if that, Vogue. I will be there. Drama scientists. Yeah. by the end of it we'll be quite close yeah it'll be really good friends me and those three people I'm looking forward to it yeah Vogue will be there if that Vogue I will be there Joanne will sign tits yeah but I will charge your tits in
03:31 for ticket sales yeah tits each and then a tit each that's three three tickets per person just to cover my costs my tits will get 70% off
03:38 oh yeah no your tits will get in for free oh I thought so yeah I could argue that mine are pecs there's literally nothing to sign so
03:44 I'd be Signing myself a lot of times You know when you're naked Like and I do my body Moisturiser And it just so happens To be in front of the mirror And when you lean down
03:51 I was like When you see them At certain angles Speaking of tits At certain angles Yeah I know I have a mental block
04:00 About her name And it's not A sign of disrespect Because I'm mad about her Miriam Margoyles I about her Miriam Margoyles I love her Miriam Margoyles Miriam
04:08 go on Jo Miriam Margolies Miriam Margolies look I've got her Wikipedia open fab front page of Vogue 83
04:16 is she 83 Jo 82 82 82 I thought she was I apologise born in 1941 do you know she lives
04:23 in three different places so she lives in Kent Australia And then she goes to Italy She's been with her Girlfriend For a long time So yeah
04:31 52 years I think she's saying She's never They've never lived together I know Or her partner's 52 There's numbers going around Jo No she's been with her partner
04:38 For around 52 years She has They've never lived together That might be the secret To such a happy relationship So Miriam Margulies Miriam Margarine
04:47 Miriam Marmalade she wouldn't care because she's got a great sense of humour and it's the name it just I just have a mental block
04:54 about her name but I have her book I'm in the middle of reading her book she is the woman we should aspire to be she is ferociously independent leads an amazingly
05:04 glam but kind of eccentric life I would say doesn't give a shit is ferociously independent, leads an amazingly glam, but kind of eccentric life, I would say. Doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give two fucks. To me, I think,
05:12 oh, she doesn't sit around, read philosophy and drink champagne. That's probably not true, but I feel like she's devoted her life to bettering herself rather than bettering someone else. look at all those things. She's been in films,
05:22 all those films. Do you know she was in Romeo and Juliet? What? She was Leonardo's kind of advisor in it. look at all those things she's been in films all those films do you know she was in Romeo and Juliet she was Leonardo's kind of advisor in it I don't remember that
05:30 because I'm kind of picking it up putting it down I haven't had like a real time to kind of really bond with her bond with the book
05:36 there's a lot of childhood chat which always in books I just am like Miriam your adult life is so because there is always with those books
05:45 there's always so much detail with the childhood and you're like come on just get me to the blowies I like the childhood stuff you're not gonna if you're looking for blowies it's not gonna happen in that book okay in Miriam's book she's done loads of blowies oh fuck really welcome to Miriam's world once her once her adolescent sex life starts, it's savage. But always with those books. I'm just going to make me feel bad about mine because I'm always in a relationship or married. Are you writing an autobiography? No, I am not.
06:13 Then wait till your blowy era comes and then write an autobiography. If you haven't had it yet, that's fine. Wait till the blowy time. Jo, have you had your blowy era? No, but it could happen. It's all ahead of you, babe. Yeah. I'll tell you what, you were slagging my big mate there last week. Do you know what it's good for? Blowies. No. But it could happen. It's all ahead of you babe. Yeah. I'll tell you what. You were slagging my big mate there last week.
06:26 Do you know what it's good for? Blowies. Okay. I just only want to blow one lad at a time. I don't know what you're equipped for. But I don't have the energy for what you're equipped for. I don't do the marshmallow trick. I do the dick trick.
06:36 How many can fit in at one time? Four. Four. You're doing yourself a disservice. I've seen that thing at full extension. And it is a nine job at least. In a strange way, I'd love to... And like six weight in the wings.
06:49 In a strange way, I'd actually love to test that out. Six weight in the wings. Someone get rid of the poppers. It opens more. I went into this sex shop in Queensland. Don't worry about it. And I had a real good chat with your man
07:05 working behind the counter real sound guy anyway went in I was on the hunt for dildos no folk
07:14 how dare you well I've assumed that what's what it would be what were you on the hunt for I can't remember hummus I don't know red pepper
07:22 it was the only shop open in town what were you on what were you on what were you on the hunt for did you see this right there's a I saw an Amazon
07:32 review of egg cock rings but it's this cock ring that it was I don't well I don't okay
07:38 I don't I don't have this one right because it's got a camera on it and some guy was like the angle's all wrong. Like, it's got all these reviews
07:46 on the cock ring and the angle. I've never actually used it on a woman, but it's quite good when I use it on myself. I'm like, you're using the cock ring on yourself? What? Of course. People are, people are,
07:55 we are gross. Like, we are gross and fascinated with ourselves. Fascinated with ourselves. No, I was going to say, I started watching that show with Lily Rose Death
08:05 oh the idol she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life you cannot stop watching her I love her outfit she's exquisite
08:15 like so the weekend and her like I've gotten I've gotten to the part where they're I'm only on the second episode but like she's like
08:22 like kind of choking herself as she's like fingering herself what yeah I feel like it would be like rubbing of choking herself as she's like fingering herself what yeah I feel like it would be like rubbing your tummy and patting your head at the same time
08:29 very difficult she does a great job that's really funny yeah it really it really gets into it I'm going to buy that joke off you for my next show The Pino Camino
08:43 The Pot Camino the Pinot Camino I would love 20 quid say nothing put it in the book rubbing your head why is it that you
08:59 tap your stomach you have to tap your head and rub your tummy at the same time you're like I could come if I could concentrate yeah this is just too hard
09:06 oh yeah what did you buy in the sanctuary don't lie don't lie it doesn't matter what I bought that's my five a time
09:12 that's not why I was telling the story I want to know what you bought was it a toy or was it clothes a nurse's outfit I honestly went in
09:18 for I bought a swimming togs oh netted ones obviously like with you know. Cropped lips. Yeah, like it wasn't like, you wouldn't be wearing them to Trafalgar now, right?
09:33 You wouldn't be popping in in the family pool in Spain. I went in to buy a sexy tog. What's the most embarrassing thing you bought? And a lube that won't electrocute the vibrators because you have to have water based lubricant
09:48 if you buy the plasticky cheap shit it erodes why are you nodding Jo you know you know
09:59 these are the real you have to buy a water based lube for certain dildos or it erodes the like I don't know look I'm not a fucking engineer I don't know you have to buy a water-based lube for certain dildos or it erodes the like I don't know
10:06 the look I'm not a fucking engineer I don't know it was open I went in okay anyway the point is
10:13 I'm just like I put a wheelbarrow on a pot plant it doesn't matter the point is I went in and I was like oh hello I went in really sound guy
10:21 working behind the counter and but at the sign on the door was like no poppers no poppers don't ask us we won't tell you
10:29 no poppers in the next door absolutely do not ask us about poppers so of course the second time I went in I was like what's the problem
10:35 with the poppers and he's like oh my god because oh by the way jumping on me and Vogue
10:42 are getting outfits designed for the three arena shows yeah so Vogue sent getting outfits designed for the three arena shows yeah so Vogue sent me through I know I know
10:49 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:49 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:50 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:50 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:50 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:51 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:51 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:51 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
10:51 I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know the designs and your man is sent through an image of what Vogel wear an image of what I'll wear and Vogel goes you're the bottom I'm the top
11:07 and I was like I've never been more triggered I was like I know but you didn't have to fucking say it
11:14 it's very clear that's our dynamic but you didn't have to write it down she's like you're the bottom yeah I'm the top
11:22 I don't know if I would you would be the bottom happy pride to us bottom happy pride to us yeah happy pride to us cheers to pride yes pride can I just say
11:38 I was watching so are we skipped are we done with the snack shop no this is I was going to tell you about another snack shop miss ADHD over there just fucking jumped on it actually goes with the topic I thought no this is I was going to tell you about another sex shop Miss ADHD over there just fucking jumped on
11:46 it actually goes with the topic I suppose I'm homeless out of a sex shop I'd like to see how you're going to segue back into that so I saw this thing on Vice about
11:57 dick amnesia yeah so can you think back to a dick like a long dick ago dicks ago can you remember it like a dick? Like a long dick ago, dicks ago. Can you remember it? Like, I can't.
12:09 Set the scene. So it's really hard to remember a past partner. Like, I'm sure you can remember. 16, you're at the pre-tabs in Glasgow. Around the size of the... I remember my first proper boy. My first, the guy, well, I didn't leave my majority to him. You remember his dick? No, of course I remember my first Proper boy My first The guy
12:26 Well I didn't leave my majority to him You remember his dick No of course I can't Please How can you I don't remember I've got dick amnesia Because I photographed it
12:33 Against his will I had no consent And I went into a dark room And developed them At night Like a serial killer No this is back in the day of like digital cameras and stuff. I'm sure there's something.
12:48 Anyway, it doesn't matter. My point was, I was supposed to lose my virginity to him. Things got confused. I lost it to a Turkish writer. It's another story. He knows it's fine. But he was my first like naked man that I like saw, you know, regularly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:03 And I was so confused because I had seen photos of like dicks and balls like classic drawings where it was like like a like a long like it's quite phallic and then two perfectly formed testes each exact same in size kind of flowering on either side of the peni of the peni okay of the peni two tasties
13:29 equal in size flowered but shrooming outside of the peni oh shrooming is really you've ruined it it was sexy
13:35 until you said shrooming I'm trying to brainwash us both into lesbianism I'm doing that so shrooming outside of the peni and then when I saw my first
13:45 penis the testes didn't match and I was like he's not well like so I didn't understand that it was
13:55 they were in a sack hanging below I hope my mum my mum says she doesn't listen to this I fucking hope she's telling the truth
14:02 I know Svenny's mum definitely listens to this so here we go hi Jane hi Jane hey Jane how are you your wrist is lovely
14:10 love anyway it does look great it sure looks great but yeah so when I first saw it then it was like the pinoy
14:17 and then the sack hanging down like when you buy a goldfish out of a fair yeah it's just like swishing around down the bottom
14:24 and it was one sack. I don't remember. See, I do have dick amnesia. I don't remember any. I remember them all. I don't even remember spending some yesterday, I don't think.
14:32 I don't think about it. They slap you in the face enough it kind of hits you in the face. I'm joking. Dick amnesia is a thing though. Go on. Why? Give us your stats.
14:42 So if you can't, if you can't remember like if they had a foreskin or not god I couldn't either who the fuck sorry all Irish ones
14:50 have foreskins I remember when like I was first getting into things like into the swing of my worldliness and like I didn't really know what it would look like
14:56 without a foreskin I just thought that they all looked like that yeah it's just a padded jacket I don't even know if I know what it would be like without a foreskin it's like
15:03 it's like what you put in a boiler a lagging jacket yeah a lagging jacket which is without the jumper I wouldn't even know If I know what it would be like When I had a foreskin It's like It's like what you put in a boiler It's just without the jumper A lagging jacket Yeah a lagging jacket Which is without the jumper I wouldn't Like honestly
15:09 Like to be honest All Americans I heard your one from Selling Sunset said Of course we're getting him Circumcised And I was like what Well I think that now
15:16 They see it as like It's kind of a modern Hygiene thing almost But like listen If you've If you've still got your Lagging jacket on Me and Bogger still
15:23 Spenny still has his jumper and I enjoy it I like the jumper bit hot at the moment but you know what he'll get through the summer yeah I'm surprised you haven't
15:31 vacuum packed his fucking jacket have you not vacuum packed his dick like you do all seasonal clothing I did attempt it but it's on the track
15:39 Spenny's just dead in a bag we're like I'm sorry but it's summer I'm sorry it's summer jackets get vacuum packed for the summer
15:50 that's what happens if you don't want to take off your nightgown jacket putting them up get it in get it in her leaf putting them up to Christmas decorations
15:57 I'm sorry you died but that's just what it is you've got to abide by the rules if you want to stay in my house exactly I wear a tight ship that is that she's dead now
16:07 so here's one if you had to pick all your ex's penises out of a line up could you do it could you I couldn't what an amazing question
16:17 like I could do a couple I reckon we'd need a big conveyor belt to be like an airport no for you maybe I haven't done enough for myself
16:24 I wanted your number what is your number one of the big things we have in common is we regret not being more worldly when we have the opportunity and we will say that to any younger listeners of which there are joe will be a lot of younger listeners how many my what's my number yeah right it's around it's not it's around I would say go I'm trying to actually calculate because I was this I'd say it's yeah me too oh god pathetic I know do you know why mine is so low though and actually look your number's your number whatever no shame etc blah blah blah but because I had such a hang up
17:07 about it at the start that it was that having sex with someone meant they took something from me I wasn't sex positive in the way
17:15 it wasn't about my enjoyment it was about me giving them a part of me that I couldn't get back so I was so careful about who I gave it to
17:23 I also think there was a lot of shame around it like loads about being seen as a slut big time but also like the slut thing fine sadly I think that will always be a thing however I do say as an adult I will say this and it's probably not a cool thing to say but I don't really enjoy riding someone that I don't like unless I have some sort of emotional connection I don't enjoy the sex no I don't want to get banged by a stranger I I I've tried I've tried yeah you know what I mean it's so true but it's nice to be able to tell somebody and be like talk through it talk me talk me through it you're laying me down that is wrong i don't know what you're touching there it's not where it's supposed to be and i do like think again anecdotally i've no real
18:11 proof of this that i think myself and i'm trying to be careful here because i don't want to like piss off women who just love going out and riding the rides through the weekend and like whatever fine but yeah but if you enjoy that kind of sex that's grand I just don't so it was like the one night stands you're like I got absolutely
18:28 nothing out of that I just felt I was just a receiver in that situation not a receiver of anything decent no so I'm like
18:36 no no no for me to have a good sexual experience I kind of need to kind of like I kind of need to know who I'm dealing with yeah
18:44 and also and I know I'm sorry it's I kind of need to know who I'm dealing with yeah and also and I know I'm sorry it's I kind of need to be into them oh god me too
18:51 I know it's pathetic will we talk sorry I'm sorry for having emotions will we talk about our week Jesus
18:59 speaking of sex I went right today oh god to I don't even know what I am so basically I had my period
19:06 for a month yeah so it was the pill doing it to me your one was like go off the pill go off the pill I went off the pill
19:13 I think I'm gonna get the coil any coilers out there let me know why the coil though because I don't have any hormones in my body so I just want to
19:21 just be on the copper coil with no hormones and not have to worry it sounds like you're getting decanted like I can't get my head around it you're getting it sounds like you're getting a corkscrew put in your vag that's what it sounds like yeah that's what I am that's what I am but she gave me a special tablet and I was like oh so you just put it up like like a thrush thing and she goes no it goes up your bum what to like to like anisithise the area oh yeah
19:45 of course yeah the bum meds what are they called suppositories a suppository yeah supposit away so that's what I was
19:52 I went to try and get it done today and then I didn't leave did you bring any with you the suppositories which I would like can you only get me one suppository so
19:59 you're actually lucky because I have read horror stories about well don't tell me I haven't got it yet oh cheers to the coil
20:12 yes to the coil to the coil to the coil no but seriously like horror stories about doctors
20:21 blah blah blah not giving women pain relief when they put the coil in she said it's twice as bad as getting a smear it's twice as bad as a smear she told me
20:28 yeah and it wasn't that bad so you need to you need to make sure you're like am I going to be giving pain relief you need to kind of ask
20:35 because I think the pain relief slows with the process because they have to obviously wait you come in they have to wait until you feel
20:41 the effects the pain relief so I think look I'm reading shit about America. So I don't know, maybe it's not the same as the UK. I know somebody went
20:49 to get it done and she had to stop halfway through. She was like, I physically couldn't do it. That's what I'm saying. I know, but I got the injection before
20:55 and I got, I broke out so badly with my skin for like six months. It was the worst. I'd like spots on spots on spots. And I just,
21:02 I just don't want to take hormones anymore. Yeah. You look, I'd rather raise a child and get to. Take hormones anymore. Yeah. You know. I'd rather raise a child. Than get a spot. Fuck it. No times.
21:09 I did. You can't filter a child. Out of existence. Have you seen Davina Shaw. With a pill? No. I called her Davina. I don't know her.
21:17 Personally. My good friend Davina. My good friend Davina. But I'd be interested to watch. She. Why? She has a. One of my friends.
21:24 Started taking the mini pill when we were teenagers and she went absolutely like bats yeah I was I used to take Yasmin when I was younger
21:32 and then I went on to Yaz and I went crazy on that for a while wow and then after I had the baby so I went on the I can't remember what it is Sarazette
21:40 and that just I just can't be done without my period from her yeah one of the girls had one of the like vial put into her arm
21:47 yeah that's actually what I get it wasn't the injection I had the implant yeah yeah she had the implant oh my god
21:52 but she said she bled and bled and bled and bled I'm not being bad but like when you talk about it
21:59 you're like Jo come here Jo focus for a second do you hear us talking about the trauma of female contraception contraception
22:08 like would you consider getting the snipper Anthony no like why is it up to us I will tell you Sven he said he would get the snipper
22:14 after we had our babies did he yeah and do you know he'd probably do it himself on some Bear Grylls documentary or something oh it will be filmed
22:21 channel 4 darling channel 4 listen to this some women get the snip so if they're on their last baby and let's say they have the woman told me today in the wellness clinic
22:31 she said that that women sometimes after they have their last baby if they're getting a c-section they'll get their tube snipped but there is a 1 in like 200
22:41 chance that it won't work and with men getting the sniff there's a one in 2000 chance because I know a man who was 61 and got his wife pregnant and he had gotten the sniff 61. Is this the same
22:55 gentleman at your, at Amber's 40th he told you the last time your father was lonely because it kind of sounded like it might have been the same guy Sorry it's a very dick heavy pod put a trigger warning on this joke
23:10 no not a trigger warning what's the opposite of a trigger warning what's it like kind of come on in you're going to want what's the opposite I don't know
23:17 dick flag where's the dick flag yeah where's the dick flag did you see oh my god I've been sent this story so many times. I know what you're going to say.
23:27 I told you in it. I saw. On the BBC News. I was like, she'll love this thing. A dead woman was found alive and breathing
23:36 inside her coffin at her own funeral. She had a stroke. Ecuador, 76. It's literally everyone's worst nightmare now what I will say
23:46 I love where you're like a dead woman was found alive did you hear about the dead woman who's alive oh my god stop what I will say is it's not like she sprang up and went back to live a full life
24:02 she basically just started breathing again and then was wheeled back to the fucking hospice. Like, do you know what I mean? She will never have known she was almost buried. That's all I'll say in defense of Ecuador.
24:12 I mean, she was in her own casket. Yeah, she was. They hadn't closed the lid, folks. They hadn't closed the lid. I know, but this is why some people who don't want an open casket, you need to think again.
24:21 Human fallibility. People don't, if you're not going to stick a thermometer in someone and check if they're dead or not what do you expect
24:28 how did that happen do you know what Amber once did this is only about two months ago Amber went to a person's wake she went to a person's wake
24:43 right sometimes I feel like this podcast is just narrating Amber's life while you're in the show so she went to someone's wake she went to a person's wake right sometimes i feel like this podcast is just narrating amber's life while you're in the show so she went to someone's wake to pay her respects she got to the door of the funeral home signed the book off she went in she was she went straight up to the coffin looked inside she's such a pro like I would be finding her around her in the back
25:06 trying to get the trying to get the do you know like the confidence to go to the coffin Amber straight up to the coffin straight away
25:12 looked inside and was like oh he looks very different she was at she was at she was at the wrong funeral
25:22 there was two there was two eggs going on at the same time but she she'd like written in the book and everything like that written in the family's like funeral book and gone and looked at the body but did she sorry hold on a second as soon as she saw the body she was obviously like right that's not who i'm coming to see that's not who i'm coming to visit that's not who i'm coming to visit what has happened to you you don't look well in death auntie margaret why have you transitioned
25:50 at the last the last moment in your life harley seems worth the effort who had she been wanting To go and see Another fella A fella from Hope Another fella Okay Yeah so I'll tell you this though I don't know
26:10 Me and Vi were obsessed With death I know I sometimes say that's Really different But they're funny death stories A hundred percent But what I will say is
26:18 People look very different In death Oh my god yeah And you will love it We've discussed this before I'm sure we've discussed This before I won't enjoy the paleness now I won't enjoy the paleness now
26:26 I won't enjoy the paleness you won't but do you think that anyone will let you go into that ground path think here on your business manager that whole fucking
26:33 warehouse in Cork will be emptied on you before you go into the ground the face serum like everything actually it won't it does get brown spray paint
26:43 like they do for cars yeah something like that I look good spray tan spray get brown spray paint like they do for cars yeah something like that I look good spray tan spray tan they'll be like you'll die tropical if I'm alive
26:50 when you die trust me you'll die tropical my brother told me a story this oh yesterday actually last night
26:56 because he'd listened to her pod about that man coming up to to me at my dad's Amber's birthday yeah about my dad's funeral
27:02 it's a lola I know he saw me right You look so lonely daddy Daddy don't leave me Daddy don't go You look so lonely But
27:12 I already forgot Your dad was a car salesman Yeah He got me my first car It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:17 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:18 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:18 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:18 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:19 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:20 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really
27:22 It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It's really It such a sent up job if you get me like every sitcom it's always they're always dodgy
27:25 as well they're always dodgy car salesmen they're not I'm not saying they are in real life I'm saying they're always
27:31 painted as being this like it's like Del Boy shit well he used to like because he gave me my first car and I got a Peugeot 206 mint green
27:38 which was my favourite car in the whole world oh my god amazing but obviously he got an offer on it and then it was just gone I got home from school one day and it was gone she replaced it he replaced it with a skoda fabia in burnt
27:51 orange i was like what what where's my view show did you kill your father out of a wrench because i would have una who directs our show so last week but our clicker we have a clicker in the live show we both have a clicker each
28:09 what's a clicker? a clicker is a clicker to click through the slides for the show and I Vogue's broke last week so I
28:17 mine worked so I clicked through the show and then today Una was like I'm going to give it to Vogue this week because yours worked last week and I was like we're not four
28:24 like we're Jo just saw what her dressing room no no no no no it's fine going to give it to Vogue this week because yours worked last week. And I was like, we're not four. Jo just saw what her dressing room was. No, no, no, no, it's fine. I just think, Vogue, shut up this week. It's you had it last week. It's like, when have we ever demonstrated? Like, what? When? Where?
28:35 What? Like, what? I'm 49 years of age, I think. Jo. I can handle it. One week I click the show. Like, anyway. Jo, Jo. You clicked it one week I click the show like anyway
28:46 Joe you clicked it last week it's only for her vote clicks it this week Joe gives us different dressing rooms every week so one week you get
28:54 the better one and the next week I get the better one even though we always stay in the same one yeah we do stay in the same one oh my god did you hear the story
29:00 of the food worker who well the food place supplied Nando's he spat in the sauces and spiked
29:09 tubs of hummus with metal rings and rubber gloves why am I aroused I I I you put
29:19 what cock rings in the sauce what did you say so why was your man spitting into the sauce no one knows why revenge he man spitting into the sauce? No one knows why. Revenge?
29:26 He was contaminating like fish sauce to non-fish dressings. He was. What does that mean now? So he was putting fish sauce in dressings that were not meant to have any fish in them. That's low level revenge. That's low level revenge. Sesame and chili sauce he was adding to things as well as his own bodily fluids. You see that's where things kick off.
29:44 Like putting soy sauce on chip isn't, that's where things kick off. Like, putting soya sauce on chip isn't, you know, I could accept. People die of sesame though. They have sesame, like, yeah. sorry, of course,
29:54 allergies. Yeah. And so he was caught on CCTV poking a hole in a plastic container and then spat in it. I, I mean, I cannot even share a drink
30:03 with my children. I know. I was, remember I came in, I was so parched and I tried to take a drink with my children I know I was remember I came in I was so parched and I tried to take a drink of your dilute my dilute
30:10 it's me my waddy not your waddy dilute sorry dilute is we were in where were we
30:17 in Glasgow in Glasgow when we were out for dinner with Rowan our friend and Vogue drinks
30:24 flavoured water so yes me and Rowan our friend and Vogue drinks flavoured water so me and Rowan were like obviously as adults having pints of wine and
30:30 Vogue was like I just want flavoured water and we were like oh okay so what will we order and we couldn't figure out
30:36 what they because it's called my waddy in Ireland you call all of it my waddy we call it dilutable my waddy
30:42 yeah diluted ribena squash it's a squash up there they call it cordial my body yeah dilute like squash it's a squash and up there they call it cordial in the because today in the
30:49 hotel I was trying to order you a dilute did you go and say can I have a dilute your man comes to the table and folks like a dilute a dilute
30:57 trying to get in with the and your man's like what looks at her like she just shot in the floor he's like what are you talking about we were like a dilute the time that went into explaining
31:07 and he was like oh I know it's really hard to explain and they don't have it that's what I love about Ireland because you just you can get a blacker and any pub you come into I was like non-alcoholic water
31:17 it's purple What happened in your week? So Matt would book her out Oh I saw that you took him to my work husband i didn't i didn't i didn't take him shopping he accidentally came shopping with me oh i knitted into zara and can i just say zara i find i'm in a kind of toxic relationship with zara
31:37 sometimes their stuff is just deadly like you want everything and then sometimes you're like i just want to take a nap this shit's so boring so anyway I went in and the shit was amazing like these like Alexander Wang style denim jackets like covered in diamantes like fucking savage anyway Garell was like I'll come in with you and he's so cute he's like maybe we'll like all do we'll do like go to the men's section like you know tell me we're together whatever I know because I'm always slagging him for being a plaid gay just a gay in plaid shirts and if they are a huge part of the gay community, but they just, you don't see them that often. He was gigging with Jonathan Van Ness, who I love from. Do you know what's so funny?
32:15 Do you know what's so funny? What? That me and Gerard talked for three hours about all our shit and never talked about that. Why? I don't know I was dying for the goss on him we were like anything else anything else
32:28 because we had so much to discuss and we never talked about him I love Groud he's so nice Groud's amazing so anyway we went to him upstairs Manzara
32:35 and he's like what about the mash and I was like Groud I'm sorry like you're trying you're you know what I mean like you're
32:43 you need to potentially you're in a tiered Like you're You need to Potentially You're in a Tiered system now Of You need to move into like A polo shirt I don't think he's polo
32:54 He'd look good in a polo net Isaac Rowd Mesh for pride 100% Yeah Do you think he'd commit to it It's 1799 He's like absolutely not
33:04 No So we walked past the mash a lot of mash in males are for pride a lot of mash okay so Joanne told me a story
33:14 last week she basically is she pulled a Joanne and we want to say a big thank you to Mick her work because Joanne
33:21 was washing her hands took her rings off by the sink left these amazing rings that Alan had gotten her for her Joanne was washing her hands took her rings off by the sink left these amazing rings that Alan had gotten her for her 40th birthday for her
33:29 so like a proper ring not the usual choice that I'd be rocking like a real ring a proper amazing ring and the lovely bus driver Mick O'Rourke brought her back
33:36 and got her and he didn't bring me back he drove back himself like speed he went back on his own and got the ring I was like I'm after leaving a ring
33:43 I said it's an expensive ring I'm after just getting it it was for my 40 blah blah blah like freaking out because I knew oh god I knew that
33:50 there was no coming back from losing this ring do you know what I mean it's like losing an engagement ring it's not an engagement ring but it's like that but it's not
33:58 oh god well it's really sentimental yeah so your man anyway Mick O'Rourke was like I'll go back and he drove back to the departures and fucking found it Mick O'Rourke was like I'll go back and he drove back to the departures and fucking found it
34:06 Mick O'Rourke you're absolutely legend there's a lot of sounders in Dublin Airport I have to say our legos so I went to West Side Story
34:22 last night in Borgosh oh yeah really good fab I love that theatre the voice on your one is like So I went to West Side Story last night in Borgash Oh yeah Really good Fab I love that theatre The voice on your one is like insane like
34:31 do you know when you're like is this am I hearing what I'm hearing They have amazing plays going in there Borgash is amazing gorgeous venue the whole shebang
34:39 but like her voice do you remember the story West Side Story have you seen it it's basically have you not? So it's Romeo and Juliet modernized
34:47 into like 19 something America. I'm going to, 1950s I would say. 1950s I would say. So it's the Jets, the Sharks, a lot of,
34:58 a lot of clicking. Oh, okay, okay. It's, um, Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans.
35:04 Oh, Puerto Ricans. New York versus Puerto Ricans oh Puerto Ricans New York versus Puerto Ricans and then obviously one of the the woman from Puerto Rican family
35:12 falls in love with one of the men from the New York New York family and so that's what West Side Story is but it's just
35:19 loads of dancing loads of this loads of clicking it's super good we loved it. 12 stars. Like the set's amazing. The cast are amazing.
35:32 It's just fab. Loved it. They do really good stuff. But if you are allergic to clicking, stay away. I love a good click. What was I doing this week? I shot for my new collection
35:42 and I was outside the hotel shooting what collection my little mistress go on yeah so I was outside shooting it and I watched this
35:52 there was a like a porter who works in the hotel and he was standing outside and he was a really nice older gentleman but I was standing there posing
35:59 you're calling everyone an older gentleman what's this about well there's older people in the world and he was an older person you're so respectful yeah
36:06 he may or may not be a gentleman he looks like one to me he's just old yeah yeah yeah I'm trying to be smart I think if you say an old man
36:14 it's just a bit rude I actually I totally agree yeah so he was an older gentleman and I was standing outside you know when I do my fake laugh
36:20 and then you're going straight back to posing and then it's like ha ha ha ha oh yeah I looked at his face as I back to posing and then it's like oh yeah I looked at his face as I was doing it and he was literally like what is wrong with her I've never seen somebody like be just so like shocked generation I know what it is it must be really weird to watch
36:38 somebody having their picture taken remember that model who was dancing with all those clothes on and she had her arms and legs going up and down. The pictures looked amazing. But she looked crazy doing the dancing. But it's like everyone is kind of doing little mini shoots off their own part of the mountain. But it is that there is an element of embarrassment when you see yourself through the eyes of someone else. Yeah. While you're trying to perform for the shoot. Yeah. You look like a wanker
37:05 yeah I did it was just now to line up and even when I was on the train today coming up here I was on the train coming to Newcastle and there was an older couple sitting in front of me
37:12 older gentleman yeah older gentleman and an older lady sitting in front of me what's a a gentle lady a gentle lady an older gentleman
37:20 on a fucking slag if you give him the respect you must give her the respect. But I'd always do my And a geriatric slag. How kind of you. I would always do my makeup on the train
37:36 before I get off to save time. And I whipped out the makeup bag and their faces just dropped. And I was like They think you're a wanker. They don't wanker they don't like our generation like I don't blame them there's shit that the younger generation do that I also judge but the
37:49 older generation judge us for doing shit like doing makeup on trains that's rude selfies ring lights all that shit it's embarrassing it is embarrassing we're an embarrassment it's rude to do your makeup on trains and I know it is but I know that it's actually not rude I'm sorry you pay unless unless you've all your fucking powders like spread out on the table it's actually not rude like I did my makeup in the taxi today on the way into the airport like that. Yeah I would always
38:13 do that as well. I tapped away put a bit of concealer on put a bit of mascara on obviously your man accelerated the second I started to put mascara on which I felt like it was an attack but you know it was a attack but you know it's it was a time saving exercise it wasn't a vanity project
38:29 but to them that whatever to that generation if I did that in front of my stepdad he would be like what are you doing he wouldn't be able for it they see it as vanity
38:38 like I do think that my mother's generation think that our generation are self obsessed generation think that our generation are self-obsessed I forgot to tell you about my favorite topic of the whole week Khalees and Bill Murray are said to be dating who can blame her she's 43 he's 72 there's a 29 year age gap that's a great team right there I'm sorry oh my god so sick but what I will say I don't think
39:07 an age gap matters after a certain point now it doesn't if I was to go out with somebody who was like 25 now and I'm 37 you'd really notice it
39:15 and you wouldn't want them to be around your friends because they'd be really quite young and like there is the odd immature one but they still are only like
39:22 100% 25 they haven't lived a life I think these these two could go the distance they could get married they might have kids in the house
39:30 so whether it's true or not I don't know firstly Bill Murray all the time all the way like dinner party guest Bill Murray
39:38 100% yeah 100% also amazing dinner party guest like what a cool team whether it's true I don't know because I read some other article
39:46 which was underneath the other article you know yourself which was saying that there's someone going around at the moment just like lashing out these wild rumors
39:54 and of course people just want to believe they're true so I don't know whether it's true I would wish that it was then he's got the sound like I'm at this stage
40:04 where I'm like actually I just want to ride sound I just want to ride fun 100% that's all I want and actually I have never
40:12 I wouldn't say that looks were like not saying people I went out with were ugly or anything like that and certainly not saying Svenny's not good looking
40:18 but I've always gone caveat well done T's and C's tick tick tick I've always gone for personalities I wouldn't call him ugly but he does make me've always gone for personalities I wouldn't call him ugly but he does make me vomit
40:27 but I wouldn't I wouldn't call him ugly but he's a 2 out of 10 I'm not saying he's ugly just doesn't do it for me when he's inside me I want to cry but I wouldn't call him ugly though
40:37 but I feel like I've always kind of gone for personalities oh did you see Shakira and Lewis Hamilton as well now that there is truth to that because they have been hanging out they're hanging out which is different Calise and Bill Murray I don't know if they've ever even been photographed together like it's a wild rumor which one we're all in we all I know because we kind of wanted to happen yeah because they seem like a really cool couple Tom Cruise and Cher went out they didn't they did I'm sorry
41:05 they absolutely didn't they were photographed together he was 23 and she was 38 do you want do you want to be horrified by something so there's a site
41:14 where you upload a picture of yourself and it tells you which shalab you're most suited to shalab shalab shalab
41:21 based on how your face looks oh so apparently our faces are very similar I would say I'm baby Belle no based on how your face looks so apparently our faces are very similar I would say I'm baby Belle no I
41:30 Vogue Vogue that's me my face is similar to Owen Wilson's I'm not being bad but I do see that I'm not having that
41:39 I think Owen Wilson is an attractive guy on his own right stop caveating it just say it you're horrified I don't want to look like Owen Wilson I want attractive guy on his own right. Stop caveating it. Just say it. You're horrified.
41:46 I don't want to look like Owen Wilson. I want to not look like him. I can see there's a nugget there. Well, yours is meatloaf. Are you actually joking? Hand me a knife now. Are you joking me yeah I'm like
42:09 yours is I'm so this is fucking bullshit hers is Heath Ledger I hate you I want him it's not fair me love thing
42:31 like I was like I'm gonna go back in like I'm gonna go back into the phone room like I no offense to me love I'm sure he doesn't care because he's dead
42:39 but like someone like I've got I make an effort I put eyeliner on like I've got, I make an effort, I put eyeliner on, like I, every day, I try,
42:49 you know what I mean? I try, I really fucking try, I wash my hair, I shave my legs, I do all the things I'm supposed to do and just because I wear
42:57 a leather jacket from Zara, I look like me. Now, if that had been true, I really, I just I'd slip into the straight track on myself
43:07 well thank you everyone for listening that was Calgary oh we actually do have some tickets Winnie Pegg for my therapist ghost
43:20 don't worry about my therapist ghost that's Grant for SACO it's struggling okay it's. Don't worry about my therapist ghosted me about. That's grand. For SACO, it's struggling, okay? It's draining. Don't worry about ghosts. Ghosts, fine.
43:32 Vancouver, Toronto, Dubai. SACO is on the way. TorontoMcCartney.com. Click gigs. My therapist ghosted me.com. Don't worry about that. Click gigs. Ghosted 20.
43:42 Ghosted 20. Bye, everyone. Thank you.
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