My Therapist Ghosted Me - Witchy Boot Season, Marrying Yourself & Being A Catch

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

They're back, even if you thought they were gone forever! (That was Joe's fault...) As you'd imagine, there's a lot to catch up on. We were all wrong about Dave Grohl, J-Lo and Ben have gone off (and subsequently come back on to) the rails and Spencer's wardrobe needs some serious looking at. Plus, Joanne is a home designer now.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me Vogue Williams and Joanne Mcdally. We're back Vogue, did you see it? Did you notice that we're back? I know, I think people thought we were gone for good. Well it didn't. Joe! Somebody who named the last podcast, bye! Someone was like to me, are you and Joanne finished? I was like, no we're not, why? This clickbait podcast is clickbaiting.

Oh is that why you did us? Ah it's a bit of fun isn't it? No look it's my fault that there wasn't a message on the end of it saying this is the last one for a little minute because when we were recording that episode my daughter was having a meltdown and needed to get downstairs so when Vogue suggested recording that line I said no let's leave it. Yeah so what's my fault? Call the next one Vogue's a Horror that will get us a backup in the show. Yes! That's today's title then. Yeah Vogue's a Horror. V Vail's horror past. I don't know if you saw something in the press. Probably not. We were once again snubbed by Burberry.

What are they doing? They had their show done and I mean we couldn't have made it more obvious last year that we wanted to go to the show and we're not going and I don't even want to go anymore to be honest. Like Burberry, I'm sorry now but it's over. It's had its day. No one wears it anymore. Yeah, Burberry is over. Are they still doing that weird tea-tel design thing? Yeah, still doing that little fringe. Move on.

Fucking hell. We're even bringing out a new range of anxious-to-be-occupied. We've moved on. How can anxious-to-be-occupied... How can they be still wheeling out the same designs? They're still fucking lazy. I know. It's really embarrassing. And by the way, I'm selling my trench coat after this year.

Sell that trench coat. I won't get a penny for it now, in fairness, because no one wants it. It's really embarrassing. And by the way, I'm selling my trench coat after this year. Sell that trench coat. I won't get a penny for it now, in fairness, because no one wants it. No one wants it. No one wants it. But I'm going to try. Cut it up and use it for clothes. For t-clothes. Yeah. I saw loads of people were there, just not us. Who's there? I have to say, though, all the Gallagher babies, children. And I thought, what have you done to deserve?

Or were they front row? Front row. At Burberry. Front row, at Burberry. I used to, oh God, when I was like younger and I was trying to like get in with the fashion set, I used to literally go to like London Fashion Week and I'd just hang around Somerset House.

I wouldn't even be invited to any shows. I'd just go for a wander like every day. To be seen, to be seen, yeah. Imagine being ours to do that. That was back in for a wander like every day. To be seen, to be seen. Yeah. I shouldn't be an artist to do that. That was back in the day when I was young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you are kind of fashion-y now because you've got your little mistress line.

I do. You're dead right. You are dead right. You know? And I've moved into interiors. Is that right? Yeah. I'm doing house tours now. Do you know what?

John's creating her own lamp line. I'm creating... I've a TikTok guy now. Joanne's creating her own Lampline. I have a TikTok guy now. We're trying to crack TikTok because I've sold zero tickets in Nashville. So I thought I might as well give the online, give the TikTok a go. Oh, my God, it was so funny. So your man Ross, he does my TikTok now.

He just comes around and records me and stuff while I'm just doing my bits and bobs. And he was away on holidays and he's always trying to set me up with people. And he's like, Oh, my God, Joanne, I've got the perfect man for you. And I was like, Oh, my God, amazing. He's like, he's a DJ. He's like, I was like a DJ. Oh, you know, my DJ days are kind of over. Like, unless you're David Guetta, you know what I mean?

David Guetta, really? Or I just mean, unless you're at that, you know, DJ, anyway, whatever. And he's like, he's really sound. He thinks you're hot. He says like blah, blah. And I was like, oh, my God, amazing. Yeah, yeah. And I said, where do you mean? He goes, I just I said, how did you know?

And he goes, I don't know. I just I've just been showing your photos around Pikes. The fucking Pikes, the club in Ibiza. Pikes, where that voice now, you remember your man, the Scottish guy who's in a cave hole. Sorry that place is so cool. I'd say that DJ is right. Well, so then anyway, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I was like, well, how many people, first see, how can you only got one, one, one positive reply? How many people did you show? Two. What's my failure rate here? And what picture are you showing Ross? What picture are you showing? And so I looked, so he was like, do you want, well I said, look, but I was like, why not?

And then so your man added me and I added him back and I had a look and I was like, Ross, how drunk are you? He's 14 years of age. I was like, dude, what age are you? I think he said, maybe late 20s? Late 20s is okay. Yeah, he looks younger though. I'd say he's adding a couple of years onto himself. He's so good for late 20s? Late 20s is okay. Yeah, he looks younger though. I'd say he's adding a couple of years onto himself. I can still go for late 20s. I am telling you.

They're fucking... This is the second younger guy. Remember that little rugby player that I brought back? What age is he? Again, 20 something. Wait, what age is he now? Because I don't know if I can handle... He's probably still 20 something.

It was only a couple of weeks ago. Is he 20 something? Or are you sure he's in if I can handle him. He's probably still 20 something. It was only a couple of weeks ago. Okay, come on. Is he 20 something? He's 20. Are you sure he's 20? In his 20s? Oh, he's defo 20s, yeah. Okay. Well, I want to apologize for... I've been handing you out some bad advice lately. That being Dave Grohl. Dave Grohl has let us all down.

Mostly his wife. I was going to say... I don't know how important we are. You know what? You just don't expect it. OK. Here's my take on David Grell. You don't. Sorry.

Don't say you expected it either because then you're like the only one. He was the nice guy of rock. What were we thinking? He's a rock. He's a rock star. He's married over 20 years as if he's not riding around as if he's not riding around. Matthew in the bank is riding around. That's the middle person. I was like, who the bank is riding around. That's the made up person.

I was like, who the fuck is Matthew? Do you know what I mean? And can I have his number? Tom Dick and Harry working in fucking Aldi are riding around. OK, Sandra. Why did you call people Tom, Dick and Harry? I'll have to see your man about a dog. Bye, Sandra.

But I just mean as if David Grhl, like I was the same. I actually, but I honestly thought. As if he's not riding around. Okay. As if he's not. If Pierce Brosnan, if something comes out about him, I will not be able to handle that news because he was on the same level to me as Dave Grohl. But now it's coming out, like there's going to be little bits and bobs coming out with

Dave Grohl. The only thing I will say in, in, in, not as in, I'm not defending him. What I will say is... I am! What I will say is... It's fine, David. It's fine. I forgive you. I'm happy to move on. I'm happy to put this behind us. Do you want some mother of the baby? They would laugh at your great plot twist. She made it! She made him in Vegas!

Dancing above him in Vegas, wasn't I? Grinding on top of him. That was the concert where I was told to keep it down by someone else in the box. That's how out of control I was. Oh, Jesus. She's she might keeping it down. I was like, I was like, oh, my God, I'm that person. But you're also she's that person. You're at you too. No, you're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Talk to Bono. Talk to Bono. You're in. It. No, you're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's all talk to Bono. Talk to Bono. You're in with the posh people in the posh boxes. Me, I managed to angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Dave Grohl. Yeah, I was just quite shocked. And because all little bits are coming up. But what I was saying is in his defense, at least he like didn't try and hide it. Well, I came out with the fact that he does have another baby.

Not like that footballer who kind of tried to keep the whole thing hidden and just kind of controlled the situation. I'm imagining when the David Grohl made like firstly, I mean, I was saying to someone the other day, I was like, why is this global news? And they're like, well, it's not real. It's just on where you're watching your news. I know in fairness, it's global news. It even made the main page news section

of the Daily Mail. It's global. I was in the main section of the Daily Mail. Main section of the Daily Mail. That's heavy hitting. I think I feel very sorry for everyone involved that it's such a big news story. I know. Poor wife. She's such a wise.

Apparently his daughter had to come off Instagram and everything. But I'm guessing that that was going to come out. It was like the Philip Schofield announcing he's gay on this morning. There's always a reason why people come out with this stuff. Well, because he had a baby and the baby was then alive. That's a new person that's alive. You can't really deny all that for a long time. Is the baby alive? Yeah, the baby is here.

Oh, I thought he was saying the baby's on the way. The baby? I thought he was saying the baby's coming. Oh, no, I think the baby's here. Oh, it's down the canal's on the way. It's got the baby. I thought he was saying the baby's coming. Oh, no, I think the baby's here. Oh, it's down the canal. Yeah, the baby has arrived. Oh, OK. Yeah. Oh, yeah. OK. But like still, I don't know that much about Dave Grouse.

Sorry, Theodore said to me this morning, I'm not going to have a baby because my friend told me that they, Heidi told me that they burst out of your stomach. And I'm like sorry? And he's asking me, well not all of them and he's asked me so where do they come from then I was like I'll tell you later, tell you get out the door. These two men, I was at this wedding, these two men and they were actually good crack. I sat down beside them and they were just chatting to me for a second, no it was later into the night it was like 10 o'clock at the wedding that I was at and they were like, so come here to me, tell us, what's the crack like? Why did you marry the first

fella? And I was like, fuck. I was like, oh my God. I was like, do you want to know the real reason? Like the real reason. I was like, well, my dad died, which is a very stressful time and I came out of a really difficult relationship and then I found myself there and they were just called kind of like falling. She's actually telling it is I had a similar situation a woman on a train came up to me once and I just broken up with My previous boyfriend. Yeah, and yeah, she was like what happened with your man? What happened? Why'd you break up? I bet you told her. I didn't. And I, you know me now. I'd tell anyone anything, really.

Like, I don't really. What a strange thing to ask. I'm a bit of an oversharer. But yeah, she was. I could see her watching me. She was having a couple of wines down on the. On the. Yeah. Scarlet for her the next day.

And she came up. But she was, she was really nice. But she asked me, she's like, what happened with him? I was like, I'm not really going to. I'm not going to. I was like, oh my God. I was even surprised by my own I was like oh my god I've got a boundary I didn't even know. I can't believe those words I can't believe I just said I won't. My kind of most intense napping napping experience was on an airplane flying back from England or something to Ireland

and I napped really heavily and then when I woke up and I thought we were taking off we were actually landing. I slept through the whole flight. Now it's only been an hour but like that was, now there was a drink taken. Do you remember? It was more a passing out. I guess I just call passing out napping because that's what adults. Adults nap. We don't pass out, we nap. I think your most intense napping experience for me was that time that we landed in Perth in Australia and you decided not to look after your future self and you went to bed and I didn't see you again. I think you napped for seven hours and then you were just wide awake at one

o'clock in the morning. Yeah, that was the jet lag. You went in, you went, you took the professional route. You were, I just. I always, I always look after my future self. I put my clothes out from the night before. I am like so kind to myself. Yeah, I can't stand my future self. I treated like a piece of shit. You do. Yeah.

I have no respect for her. I make her life incredibly difficult. Yeah. I wonder where she is. She's fucking in a hole with you. That's why she's not around. I mean, laying out your clothes. Like that's next level self-love of future self. I don't know how psychopathic I am. I have been doing that since I've been about seven. Since my mum told me I could start picking out my own clothes, even Joe's disgusted. I've laid out my clothes and I've put all my kids clothes the night before. We're talking about saving time here.

Are we are we saving time there or are we controlling? Oh, controlling, yes. Yes, yes, yes. We're controlling time. I'm controlling my own narrative. We're controlling time. We're controlling time, I guess. Yeah, I wish I was more controlling. I really do. I wish I was quite coercive with my own narrative. We're controlling time. We're controlling time, I guess. Yeah, I wish I was more controlling. I really do.

I wish I was quite coercive with my future self. It's very helpful. It's very helpful. Yeah. I was in Spenny's dressing room yesterday and like I just was in there and I've been in there for so many times when he was away and I just went in and I was like, wouldn't you not love if you just cleared this part out here? Would you not love that?

And he's like, no, I wouldn't love that. I was like, I think he'd love that. I think he should do that. Just clear that bit out there. Did the dress when you say Spenny's dressing room, do you mean the one, the cupboard you let him have in the hall upstairs when he took the whole dressing? Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. Yeah.

Sorry, what space does he possibly need? I know he does have a lot of clothes. He's a lot of clothes because he's a lot of a lot of different personalities. Yeah. So sometimes he'll need a suit for his briefcase and then other times he will be wearing like some cool class of blanket jumper and he'll just think that he's really cool. Yeah, he's got good style but that he didn't used to have good style, no?

I don't know if you could say this when he has great style. Well, he's got nice clothes. He does. Yeah. Oh, I'm so mean. This is so mean. So we were on the way to a wedding this weekend. We went to a wedding, Kieron, my business partner's wedding. We went to his wedding and I think I might have been annoyed at Spenny anyway, but I just started sending him all these pictures. I'm such a bitch that I was taking on the sly of Spenny's outfits.

How bad are we talking? I was like, these are disgusting. I hate these. I don't like I don't like the brown boot on a man. No, the brown boot and the knit. And I was like, I was obviously annoyed with my number. I was like, I'm not responding to these anymore. It feels really mean.

I couldn't deal with no little brown booty on a man. Like, they're like bunny boots. It's not. No, it's a little witchy boot. And he has a few pairs. I've seen him in a witchy boot. Yeah, he loves a witchy boot. And it's a season. Yeah, it's witchy boot and he has a few pairs. I've seen him in a witchy boot. Yeah, he loves a witchy boot It's a season. Yeah, it's a witchy boot season. I'm really dreading it. Yeah, I do anything to have the flip-flops back

I don't even like that Are they is that all they're your only options flip-flops or a witchy boot or a witchy boot? I'm gonna buy them Can you not just wear a runner like a normal person? I'm gonna buy him a... Can he not just wear a runner like a normal person? A flip flop or a witchy boot? He has so many of those runners but it's like he's forgotten about them and I know I hide some of his clothes on him now in fairness

I do, I have to hide some because he had this top that had feathers on it and I was like you can't What? What? I've't. What? I've told you this. I remember the style sisters came out to clear Aide Spencer's wardrobe and they were like, Here's the dressing up pile. And Svenny was like, I don't have dressing up piles. And it was quite a substantial pile. Are you serious? That is hilarious.

Dressing up pile. Oh my god. What? That is hilarious dressing up. Oh my God. What? That is so funny. Can we see the feathers? Was it like actual? Was it when you say feathers, do you mean like pictures of feathers? No, little feathery. He has these cufflinks at his friend's bottom and he's like, these are so cool.

He only thinks they're cool because they're from Alexander McQueen. They're rotten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have little feathers coming out of them too. And I'm like, these are so cool. He only thinks they're cool because they're from Alexander McQueen. They're rotten. Yeah. And they have little feathers coming out of them, too. And I'm like, they're not even nice. You think they're nice because they're expensive. Like I used to do that when I was younger. I don't know. What's with the feather fetish? He enjoys the feather. He enjoys the feather.

Designers get it wrong, too, you know. 100 percent. Look at Balenciaga half the time. Those rotten shoes that you always want. Yeah. And the sex, the sexy children. That wasn't good. I actually, when Nikki my business partner was over we did a shoot for Anxious Preoccupied because we have the mid-sized bags come in now you know the big bags and do you want a mid-sized bag? Yeah I do want a mid-sized bag. But I have just broken out my gold when I brought it back to Ireland and I left it

there so I have to bring that back. I'm not asking for the bag I'm just saying that's why I'm warning you. No no no that's why you're doing it that's okay. No I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not asking for another bag. I'm just saying that's why I have morning airs. No, no, no, that's why you're doing it. That's okay. No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. I don't care what's happening. You're grooming me for another girl's bag. You're grooming me.

She's saying it feels very silly. And it's so unfair because I don't want a Laura Ashley two-piece from Little Mistress. I don't want a Farrell Rapper in dress. You have just mentioned two conflicting brands. Who's Laura Ashley? It's a different brand. I was on the, so we've got the mid-sidebar, we did a little photo shoot and where I'm dressed like an almond mom. Do you know what an almond mom is?

No. Amish, Amish. No, I was almond. It's like those moms who don't eat what? Like the nut? Yeah, almond, almond. Almond mom. Almond mom. I'm wearing like kind of- No, no, I'm scared. I'm going to be an almond mom and you And I'm wearing like I'm scared. I'm gonna be an almond mom

And you've just inadvertently slagged me beige cashmere and stuff when I love a page like she's your deeds mom. Yeah, exactly Yeah, I love that my fridge Have you seen some of the shit she's you had deeds mom used to say to her? Realized like you are a fat bitch. Yeah. Don't eat your birthday cake. You can have one lick of your cake. Fuck off, Yolanda. So I did Jamila Jamil's I Weigh Live podcast event the other weekend.

It was a lot of a while about weight and if you can't be positive about your body, you feel like you've kind of failed the whole kind of movement as well. Listen, it's it's it's an absolute circus. We have another body. It's chaos. Carnage constantly. Well, so much self loathing, so much like just doing that live podcast event reminded me of like, we're all absolutely nuts. I know. I know. So damaged. I know. I was seeing like so many of us.

He did his marathons and like he lost loads of weight and like Did he do that? Svenny did a marathon. He was off running. He was off running. That's news to me. How did I miss that? Well he was off running in the desert. He was in the desert. And he lost 10 kilos and people were obsessed with how he lost 10 kilos. We spoke about this. Yeah, but then he went and he did an Instagram post yesterday and I couldn't stop laughing because it was like a weight loss video. It's water. It was like a weight loss video. It was like, oh, hang on, I have a wedding coming up.

How am I going to lose weight? Let me see. Oh, God, I'm going to go to the desert and run 30 marathons in 30 days because then I'll lose 10 kilos. But it was just the weirdest thing for him. What? Because he was to people like, how did you like, how did you lose 10 kilos? It's from doing the marathon. And I was just laughing at him doing that video

because he was kind of giving out to people for asking. Oh, OK. Saying it would be a good way to lose weight. And it's a bit extreme. No one's going to be like looking to lose weight for their wedding and be like, oh, I'm better to 30 marathons in 30 days. Yeah. Or I won't hit my goal wedding weight.

Yeah. I'm going to shred over in Jordan for a month. Where are you going pre-wedding? Well, a little pre-wedding spritz. Go to Jordan. Yeah. 30 days, marathon every day. Yeah. Every single goddamn day. Lose a few kilos.

Speaking of food, huge news in my world. Pratt has a new sandwich. We didn't have a look at it today. Did it? It's brought out a tuna. I know. Not even an ad. Not even an ad. Not even an ad. A tuna? Yeah!

What kind of tuna? Tuna flatbread. Also, you know the way- That's three tunas they have now. I can't bear the way Pret lie to my face and tell me that all their raps weigh the same. I'm sorry now. The thing, no, don't bother.

I'm not giving a good about the Pret raps. I surely have more to offer for us. I'm just saying there's a Pratt near Harrods in London, and they they need to take a look at their the way to their raps. I actually stormed out. I don't think so. Relight and pathetic. I know, but I don't like I just I'm like, have you ever read that book?

Probably not ultra processed people. No, I've seen it floating around. Oh, God, it's a it's a good one. And it will make you think about everything you eat, even like sandwiches and stuff like that. Oh well yeah, I mean like, listen, I'm all about building up my immunity. I ate out of a petrol station for two years, every day. Like I'm like a cockroach now. I won't die. Ugh, no you actually probably won't, I actually don't really know you to be sick. No, I'm never sick.

You never get a puke bug or anything like that? No, well I do now, I have had, there's been a late. No, not bulimia. The puke bug, you mean a relapse, Joanne. I have this weird puke bug where I just recurrently throw my food on purpose. What's that about? It's going around, isn't it? So how many hours sleep though are you getting at night? What time are you going to sleep

at? Oh, it very much depends. There is no system here. Except for the napping. I'd love to put a tracker on her. Like more than anything. JLo and Ben Affleck, what's the crack? So, Joe, I don't know if you've caught up. They broke up. I don't even think he knows they broke up.

I've obviously waited until today to catch up. Remember JLo from The Block? Catch me up, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, her and Ben Affleck had this whirlwind romance. They got married, which they never managed to do 20 years ago. My main concern was Jennifer Garner, how she was handling it. But she seemed to be fine.

And they have now divorced. I didn't believe the rumors are true, but they are true. They've divorced. And now they've been spotted canoodling again. I mean, it's giving 14. It's giving 14 year old energy. Well, what I was thinking is because I could possibly find myself in a situation like this where you like threaten something so bad and you're like,

I'm really going to show you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to show you and I'm going to do it. And then you're going to regret it. Yeah. And then you get divorced and you're like, ah, yeah, I was only joking. But remember what happened? Remember, Rory McIlroy, didn't he and Aysus divorce? And then like 48 hours they were holding hands back together. I totally forgot about that. like, yeah, I was like, okay, remember, remember, Rory McIlroy, didn't he and Aces DeVores and

then like 48 hours they were holding hands back together. Yeah. So who knows where I mean, I'm beginning to think JLo and Ben could be, could be a little bit toxic. I don't really know. And I hope she's okay. Sending love, JLo. My cousin Gillian, my cousin Gillian was like, Vogue. like you have to stop telling Sven you're going to dump him every time you fight. Yeah. I was like, sorry, Gillian. I didn't know I had a third person in this marriage.

You're on the way out too. You always have to threaten to leave. Of course. I used to do stand up by the bed. It was like, you know, you're going to come back. So you just you can't take anything big. Just some cutlery. Teatel.

You can't take your actual furniture because you're just going to do a lap of the estate. I remember once with an ex that I had like my first proper boyfriend, I took a lot of stuff. Like I cleared out the whole wardrobe. Never did that again. It was a lot of stuff to bring back. Yeah. No, no, no. You have to be really sure. Yeah. Just take a couple of pairs of knickers. That's it. Make your point. You can make your point with a couple of pairs of knickers and an overnight bag. Do you know what I mean? And then log off offline, then update your profile, put a nice sexy thirst trap up and

the whole kind of if you don't like me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. I think I'd put up like a selfie at bars with like just having a drink and get a ride in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And just be like, I'm going to get him now. Yeah. There was a girl I saw. She was she makes funny memes, but she was she was videoing a scene of a rave on her phone as a story because her situationship was looking at her stories.

And she wanted him. I know you're talking about. But you know, it really made me laugh. So JLo, you know, everyone breaks whenever you break up. You can always tell because the tourist traps come out, the beep beeps. It's like beep beep, acid beep beep. Important. She did a very similar beep beep to me. She did JLo. I was like, oh, my God, we are all the same. Yeah. She did a sexy thirst trap.

It's been a summer was the caption and like just her looking gorgeous and her ass. That ass. The ass is back! She is such a ride though. And I actually like, Ben Affleck, obviously we don't know either of them. But anyway, that just doesn't matter. That doesn't matter to us at all. But he just seems like a moaning bastard, doesn't he? He keeps saying, you know the way people,

Killian Murphy, people love getting, finding content, finding content where he looks bored. So they kind of go around looking for it. So Ben, I think they're doing the same with Ben. Press, the press are always trying to find Ben looking pissed off. Killian Murphy is permanently bored. Like I saw him at the BAFTAs before. Like I didn't like go up to him or anything. Once Benny did, It was humiliating. But like he genuinely like it's just kind of like, oh, like he doesn't want to be there. No, he's he's very much there for the art, not the fanfare. Yeah. So she's just like us. JLo's just like us. She's just like us, folks.

Yeah. Planting thirst traps for herself to make Ben gel. And it worked. It did work. He's back. He's back. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It worked. Let's get into our bikini tonight and do a tanning video. Oh, my God. I don't know if we'll be able to. Do we want our exes back?

Exactly. I think we need to stay fully clothed for the foreseeable. Get the ski suits. Wear that bin bag on the Internet for a while. I remember so well during lockdown and everyone was like, oh, my God, if another one of my exes kind of comes out of the woodwork. And I was like, OK, am I the only one who know none of my exes made contact with me during lockdown?

Everyone else was like, it's the same as I was reading the scenes of the day. Matt Rody writes for the Times. I love his column. And he was talking about single people that he met at a party. And they were telling him all about, like, the date naps and kind of the horror of them and how it's just like relentless dick pics. I was like, OK, who who's getting that? Like, what? Why is everyone just getting sent it?

Based you. Where are my dick pics? Is what I'm saying. I've never been sent a single dick pic. Except that guy, do you remember who photoshopped a dick onto me? Where are my dick pics? Is what I'm saying. I've never been sent a single dick pic. That's unfortunate. Except that guy, do you remember who photoshopped a dick onto me? Oh, yeah. Well, I don't mean to make you feel worse than you do, but I actually came across an Instagram that had been messaging me

really filthy shit, like real filthy. Like, I want to stuff my, you know what I mean? And I read through them and he's been going for ages. I don't see. Wow. You know, that's because you give more slaggy energy than me. like, I want to stuff my, you know what I mean? And I read through them and he's been going for ages. Wow. That's because you give more slaggy energy than me. Yeah, I was going to send it to Sven and be like, see, if you know what... I'm hot shit on the internet. I just have a cat account that texts me, meow, or DMs me meow every day.

Meow, every day. Meow. It's very similar. I'm like, I can't even see the cat's dick. Not even a cat dick in the GMs. Like, it's it's appalling and offensive, frankly. It's offensive. Anyway. We wish them the best of luck. We do. We do.

We'll see. Do you see that woman who married herself? I saw. I think you said that. Maybe. So a woman married herself. She's a 36 year old woman and she married herself last year and she is breaking up with herself. She filed for divorce citing lack of sustainability. So she said she also looks forward to socializing as an unmarried woman. She felt very, I think, held down by the marriage. She dropped by herself. Hold on, lack of sustainability.

You have to give a reason for divorces and you can make up anything. Sustainability? Like what? As in she just wasn't recycling enough, so she left herself. She wasn't cleaning out the yogurt cartons. And one time she found a slice of ham, stood on the ham packet in the bin And that was the end of it. That's like basically if you've married your drunk self, do you know what I mean?

You're like this bitch didn't even recycle last night. Fucking out. It's yourself tomorrow thinking of yourself yesterday. Yes. So very meta. Fuck her. It's all very meta, isn't it? Would I marry myself? I would. I get on very well myself now I have to say. I do think that I am quite a catch actually. Yeah.

Did I tell you about that guy I was seeing? Did I tell you about strangling? Strangling? Not strangling, sorry. Straddling. Straddling. Oh my God, I killed him man. That's what I meant to say.

It was in my notes. I forgot. Not another one dammit. Yeah, I killed another on that's what I meant to say. It was in my notes. I forgot another one. Damn it. Yeah, I killed another one. Whoops. And I was straggling not. Oh, my God.

Straddling, straddling him, telling him I was a catch. Did I tell you about this? Because he just wasn't on board with the catchiness of it all. OK. And I was like, here, I'm fucking catch. And then the next day, I will give you the cons. I will give you the cons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pros, not the cons.

The pros. Sorry. Yeah. I was like, dude, there are no cons. You would have got stuck. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I am a catch. Yeah. And he was like, OK. And then in my head, I was like, I don't know if it works if you to tell them you're a catch. No, I think everyone does it. The catchiness. Do you know, you're like, I don't know if it works if you have to tell them you're a catch. I think it kind of undermines the catchiness.

Do you know when you're like, you are not taking me seriously and I am a catch. Does Josie never tell you that? She must do. Oh, she's probably mentioned it, yeah. Of course. Do you see everything I'm doing? Do you think you're a catch?

No. I think you're a catch, Joe. I think you're a catch. You're so nice. Yeah. And I'm not just saying that, you know. I can't be a bastard. Yeah, oh yeah. A bastard.

Oh yeah. I couldn't take an argument seriously if you called me a bastard. Yeah. Very regional. Sorry, is this a joke? What are we doing here? Girl, staying with me. I have a man on the couch. That couch is like a bed. I know. But like we were talking about safety. So basically I did this. I put up this because I'm in interiors now. I put this TikTok video on Instagram. That's how I don't know the collaborative for the TikTok video on Instagram of my apartment, like showing off my lamps

and kind of colourful twirly mirrors and stuff. And someone messaged going, Joanne, I can tell from your video where you live. No, you couldn't. And I was like, I was like, I just don't really if they turn up, they turn up. Do you know what I mean? If they turn up, they turn up. Pause in. Well, I remember when I bought my new house and house and they like a paper put a picture

up of exactly where it was. And I was like, you can't be doing that. No, you can't be doing that. No, but I've done it. I've I've doxxed myself. Yeah, I didn't notice that. But then G can't be doing that. No, but I've done it. I've I've doxxed myself. I didn't notice that. But then Geroad, we were told made security and everything. And he said, what do you do with your own laptops?

And I was like, nothing. I just keep them. And he's like, what? I was like, what do you do? And he's like, I am destroy them. And I was like, what do you mean? He says he smashes them up and submerges them in water. I was like, what's on your laptop? Geroad, Hugh Edwards didn't go to I was like, what's on your laptop, Geroad?

Hugh Edwards didn't go to that much trouble. What is on your laptop? You hammer it and then submerge it in water. Well, I don't know what to do with them either. I just kind of kept mine as well, but maybe we should be doing that. I don't know if we should be actually smashing up our laptops.

What if I wrote the music on that that I want to get back? I was completely surprised. Did I tell you about the robbery in my place? No, I shouldn't laugh because... You sure it wasn't just me, the count of your clothes. Someone in the block let someone in because we live in an apartment block. And this man walked in and he had a dog and he had a box in his hand. So obviously whoever saw him on the thing thought that he was delivering parcel.

And your man walked in and we have a concierge desk and he wasn't there at the time. But your man walked in with the dog and he kind of looked up and down. And then he grabbed a bag that was under Nigel's desk and then grabbed a box that was because Alza was giving it to me because this Amazon parcel hadn't arrived. He's like, they sent me a picture that it was delivered. And I was like, I didn't touch your face wash and he bought this face wash. And your man nicked that, but my favorite part was, he nicked three bananas from the desk.

Three bananas. Did he break three off and put two back? Or was there only three? There was only three, there was only three and I was like, so he went home with some Neutrogena face wash, a banana and some wires. That's a shit mugging. Oh my God.

It's a shit ball, yeah. Yeah. Come on now, you've had your sleep chat. Five a.m. and then I couldn't go back to sleep and then I too had to nap in the taxi with my mouth hit in the floor, obviously the size when it's not under control. Yeah. I want to shout out to our fellow Irish woman, Eve Hewson, who was amazing. I love her. Our fellow Irish woman, Eve Hewson, who was amazing in Perfect Couple with Nicole Kidman

and is now just a giant megastar. And she's so gorgeous and so good at her acting job. So good at acting. Do you remember that program? She did it years ago on Netflix. And I remember it was so good. It was the sci-fi one where she was all dressed in white. And I hate sci-fi, but I loved that show.

And I loved her and then Bad Sisters. And Bad Sisters 2 is coming out in November. Yes! I know, we've got like the hair done. It's ready, it's coming out. And did we discuss the sadness that Motherland isn't coming back? Excuse me? There's a spin-off show.

Amanda Land. Yes! That's gonna, yeah, it will still be like that you have Motherland, but it's just... I don't know if it will be. It will. Yes. Yeah. That's going to. Yeah. It will still be like that. You have motherland, but it's just. I don't know if it will be. It will. It will because it's Amanda land. Okay. Well, at least we're getting something. Joanna Lumley is in it as her, as Amanda's mother.

Cause she played Joanna. She played Amanda's mother in the series, motherland. And she's, yeah. I, oh God, I love, I'm going to rewatch motherland. If you haven't watched motherland. So funny. And I've watched it several times. It's becoming now like my kind of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I just put it on as a feel good background joy thing. They're things that you'll rewatch forever, though. Sex and the City, Motherland. Yeah. These are for repeat feel good watching. They're only repeat ones. Yeah. Curb Your Enthusiasm always. Curb Your Enthusiasm, Peep Show.

Friends. I've never watched Peep Show. No friends. You're over it. No friends. Now, there was a time back in the day when I would have put Friends in. I'm over friends. You're over it. Yeah. I've got friends. Now, there was a time back in the day when I would have put friends in. No, I never would do that. What's the murder show that I like?

It's all in the countryside. Midsummer Murders. Midsummer Murders! I knew it was in the countryside of the summer. Oh my God. Do you watch The Bill and everything? Like, what is that? Are you comparing Midsummer Murders to The Bill?

Joe, I'm sorry. I can't look at you for now. I'm working, I'd just like to say before I tell the news, I'm working on London. I'm working on London. I managed to get myself Oasis tickets. Fuck you. I'm working on London! The problem is I wanted, I was trying to get five.

I wanted to get five, but I could only get four, which is a massive number to even get anyway. But the problem is now I promised my siblings, I'd take them because they tried to get tickets as well and they couldn't get them. And then we got them in the end and we're all had planned this night together, but I was like trying to get a fifth to join Spenny on, but there's no, I've no ticket for him. I can't get a fifth ticket. I've no ticket for Spenny. I'd like to to Oasis. Would you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love those lads. Why don't you try and get yourself a ticket? It's great, Crock trying to get a ticket.

What would your tickets? No, like, Joanne, I can't. I can't. I'd give you one before Spencer. If I get a fifth, if I manage to get a fifth, I'll give it to you, not Spencer. Yeah. He doesn't even know who they are. Would Oasis not... Would they not collab with us or something? No. Tell them I can promote their tour for them if they give me a free ticket. I'll help promote their tour. You know what they might go over that. I was waiting for Joe to react to that. Sounds like they need

it. Hey guys. Joe I promise I'm going to try and get as, it might just be you and me going in London but like I promise I'm going to try my best to get us tickets for London. I kind of looked you. Okay well you better be nice. I'm not going to keep trying. I'd love to do a collab with Oasis. They can promote my show in Nashville and I'll promote their show. I'd say they'd go for that, actually. They would really go for that. Definitely.

Why don't you go to Oasis? They're coming to Dublin. Actually, before you even go to Oasis, why don't you talk to Coldplay first? They need all the help they can get. So try Coldplay. Struggling. Terrible. Yeah. Hi. I just don't tell him about the tickets.

I haven't told him yet. But he's not going. What can I do? I can't. If I get a fifth ticket, I have to give it to you now. Message Liam. Just go direct. I was like, who's Liam? Liam for God's sake. Oh, I want to mention my new pod is going to be out on Monday.

New pod Never Live It Down, starting with Catherine Ryan. Oh, yes. And we're doing Eeshan. So double dropping the first day. Nice. Two great guests. Two great guests. Very funny people and everyone likes to double drop.

So they're getting double dropped. Double dropping. Yeah. Fab. And also my podcast, which is on a rival platform, a rival network, a rival network is did Furby's spy on us is also a join. I left a Furby on the table. He's like, because she just shits Furby's now.

And also walked in and was really frightened of it. I had to pick it up before he would touch it because he was really, I thought he'd like it. I used to love them. They're spies. Have I actually spoke about that on the podcast? I explained what that's about. So back in 1999, so Furbies came to market in 1998. It was the Tamagotchi was first and then the guy. I loved the Tamagotchi.

The guy who invented the Furby was like, well, what else? I like the idea of interactive toys like that. But they want to be cute and furry and stuff. So Tomagotchi was just like a little computer. So we invented the Furby. And then because they were basically, I mean, they're basically the beginning of an Alexa kind of there, the start of an Alexa. Then America thought the Chinese were because they're made in China.

We're using them to spy on Americans and they bound them from all political buildings. So like the Pentagon, they banned the Furby. I mean, who the fuck is going to bring their Furby into the Pentagon? There was a Furby, this is what I mean. They made a statement, an internal statement saying no one else can bring Furbys into the office. They weren't allowed on airplanes.

All this shit. Yeah. Anyway, so that's what the podcast is about. It's all about surveillance and spying and I meet some spies and people spying on each other and I go to a spy shop where I buy what I don't. Oh yeah you told us that. No you did. You told us you were on the dark web.

I haven't used the dark web at all. I thought I'd be bad into it. I thought you'd be mad for the dark web. I'm just happy on my Chrome. Turns out I don't want to kill anyone. Turns out I don't need to have anyone assassinated. You've not looked up anything weird in the dark web. Like you get in trouble if you look up something weird.

I don't because they can't. They're holding with the dark. Like you get in trouble if you look up something weird. I don't know, because they can't. They hold the way the dark web is they can't track what you're doing. Oh, yeah. So that's why all the bad shit's on there. But I can't because all the even it's not like WWW.Murder.com. It's not you can't just put like a search. It's all kind of garbled and scrambled and hidden and cryptic and everything. Oh, God. I know. Well, it's great to be back. It's all kind of garbled and scrambled and hidden and cryptic and everything. Oh my god.

I know. Well, it's great to be back. It's great to be back. Thanks for having us. Thanks, Joanne, to be. And thanks for missing us. I felt very loved when we were away. Oh, that's nice. Got a lot of messages from people saying that they were waiting for us to come back. That's nice.

Well, we're here and you'll be fed up with us soon. And I mean, if anyone's planning on, if anyone's listening from North America. Yes. I have shows in America in October. Vogue has shows in America in October with me. I will be in Seattle, Denver, Portland, Washington DC. Vogue then comes over, we do Boston, New York, then we fly to Toronto.

And Toronto, you're gonna be there about two weeks before their election. Will you be giving your thoughts on that whilst you're there? Yes, yeah yeah, I'll be down outside the White House. Yeah, Joanne is a big, big Donald Trump supporter. Huge. I like his merch, what can I say? I like a maga hat.

Kamala, if you're listening, I have sent you an anxious be occupied bag. Oh that would look great in the White House. Yes, with a Furby inside it. Very nice, very nice. Yeah, yeah. Nice touch there. And Donald, I've sent you nothing. Donald, I've sent you some tan remover. You're welcome.

He looks like Bolognese. You know when you put Bolognese in a lunch box and then put it in the dishwasher. Yeah, exactly what he looks like. Yeah. It's like, what's he using would you say? He's not very much. Every other tan that is out there is what Donald Trump uses, he just doesn't

use very brave folks. If you're looking for a natural time, come to us. Yeah. Music