NASW Social Work Talks - EP 139 - What Every Social Worker Must Know About Motherhood, Stress, Alcohol Use and Practical Ways to Help

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Kelley Kitley is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 25 years of experience. In this episode Kelley discusses, What Every Social Worker Must Know About Motherhood, Stress, Alcohol Use and Practical Ways to Help. She and our host, Makeeba Royal, NASW Senior Practice Associate for Behavioral Health, chat about the significance of viewing alcohol consumption and use from a different lens -- and the value of a holistic approach to care and therapy. 

This is Social Work Talks. I am your host, Makeba Royal, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Senior Practice Associate for Behavioral Health. In today's episode, we will discuss what every social worker must know about motherhood, stress, alcohol use, and practical ways to help. Joining us today is Kaylee Kittley,

a licensed clinical social worker with 25 years of experience in the field. She is a sought-after national mental health media expert and author who has appeared in hundreds of publications, podcasts, live news, and radio. She is known in the media as America's social worker. Kit Lee is the author of Myself, an Amazon bestseller, a TEDx speaker, I Show My Scars So Others Know They Can Heal, and producer of a short film, Gray Area, adapted from her book and it won 12 awards for social change. Kelly has an eclectic array of experience using a

holistic approach. Her areas of expertise include anxiety and depression, PTSD, obsessive compulsive disorder, enhancing relationships with couples, and using cognitive behavioral therapy. Kelly also works with patients in longer-term treatment to work through trauma, including rape and sexual abuse, eating disorders, substance use, loss, and phase of life issues. She's an action-oriented therapist who believes the therapeutic process is a partnership and works with clients to define and ultimately achieve their goals. She uses positive psychology and coaching to help people be the best versions of themselves. Kelly, thank you for joining us.

Makeva, it's so great to be here. Thank you. Yeah, so let's jump right into this now. we've heard about your professional background. What inspired you to become a social worker? I knew at a very young age that I wanted to be a social worker because of my experience as a client and a social worker who advocated for me in times of deep despair through my parents' divorce and growing up in an alcohol-abusive family dynamic and lived above the bar that my parents owned. Wow. So it sounds like there's a lot of history that brought you to this work.

In today's episode, as I mentioned, we are discussing motherhood, stress, and alcohol. What can you tell us about them and how are they related? Sure. So transitioning into motherhood can be one of the best gifts, and it can also be one of the most stressful times in a woman's life. And the correlation with being a mom and maybe having increased anxiety, trying to manage potentially working, whether you're with a partner or without a partner, the demands of a career, taking care of yourself and managing a household, oftentimes alcohol is something that

is very socially acceptable and is a quick fix to take the edge off. And in my personal and professional life, I recognize that there is an increase in alcohol use for women and especially young mothers, and an increase that happened as a result of the pandemic as well, and starting to see some of the negative impact that that is having in families. It is something that's probably not talked about enough, you know, the stress that comes with motherhood and, you know, how alcohol can be something to help relieve some of that stress for people. When social workers are working with women or mothers, how can they look at alcohol use

through a different lens and perhaps focus on the whole health approach? Like, what are they looking for or assessing for? Sure. So, Makiba, I think it's really important that we look at alcohol use along a spectrum. And when I use psychoeducation with my clients, I take a holistic approach in somebody might not qualify for having a diagnosis of meeting diagnostic criteria for alcohol use disorder. But there's all this area in between that I call gray area drinking where somebody might not be drinking every day, but they have increased tolerance and maybe they're noticing a shift

in mood or their sleep is being impacted. They're having a shorter fuse with their kids. Maybe they have increased anxiety. It can impact, as social workers looking at the whole person, alcohol use can impact so many different areas of our life, even if we're not dependent on alcohol. And I really want to encourage social workers to change the conversation with clients because we tend to look at it from a rock bottom perspective and people not making shifts in the way that maybe they're engaging in alcohol use until they've experienced some kind of crisis. And I

really want us as social workers to assess and educate in a preventative way. Yeah. Yeah. And that brings me to another point, because you mentioned, as I mentioned in your bio, your TEDx, I had the opportunity to listen to the TEDx and there was like a period in the TEDx where it seemed as if there is times where there may be negotiating, right, where you're negotiating you know, I can drink before four or only beer and not wine or one shot instead of two. In those cases, what recommendations or brief intervention techniques would you offer to social workers who may be working with someone who may like, as you said, they may be on the spectrum, they may not be rock bottom, but they're doing things that could be impacting their day-to-day

life? That's a great question, Makiba, and I think it's important to look at a harm reduction model. So if somebody recognizes that maybe they are looking to alcohol as a symptom relief or more habitual because it's at home and they're used to pouring a glass of wine, maybe as they're starting the dinner routine, it's important to pause and potentially cut down on the amount that you're drinking. Can you postpone? If you're having a bottle of wine a week, could you try having half a bottle of wine a week and being more mindful and present in the decision making? Now, it is not easy to cut back. And certainly if somebody has developed more of a dependence on alcohol, but I think this can also be a diagnostic tool. And if somebody is trying to make the behavior changes and aren't able to do it on their own, then it's important to seek some other support to help with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the harm reduction, you know, approach is something definitely,

you know, social workers can begin to at least have the conversation with the individuals that they are working with to help at least decrease. And then if interested, can talk about other things afterwards. Great, great, great point. I know also, too, in the TEDx you talked about, I'm going to quote this too. You said, we have to tell on ourselves to get the help we deserve, to live the life we deserve. We are all survivors of something. How can social workers support someone's self-declosed information related to their use? Because it's scary, right? It's a scary time for people. We're talking about the stigma and the things that come with that, especially as a mom. How do you think social workers can help with the self-disclosure around

use? So I think that we can normalize that a lot of times we are feeling overwhelmed and that mothers are juggling so much and we really want to remove the shame. I think that sometimes we are afraid to tell on ourself because we're concerned about how somebody is going to perceive us. And a lot of times in any kind of substance use, we have a tendency to minimize how much we're using, too. So being able to offer an open and honest approach and a lot of it's about the language that we use, too. I think we've come a long way where we're not using words like alcoholic or addict as much as we're looking at just tracking use and the impact that it has on somebody's physical and mental and emotional well-being. Yeah. And I mean, with social media,

too is, you know, it's making it more okay to have those conversations. And I think people are, you know, seeking help and they are disclosing the information and social workers are able to help them feel comfortable in getting the information out. What would you say, though, about community? How important is community for mothers? And what if there are mothers who don't have community? How can social workers help in that case? Well, Makeba, I think you and I both know as mothers how important community is. And sometimes we do feel like we're on the island alone and trying to navigate things. Having somebody to talk to about the hardship or getting encouragement, you know, it's important. There's a saying when you are on an airplane that

the flight attendant comes on and this is familiar, I know, to people. If there's anything that is going to happen on the plane and the oxygen mask comes down, it's important for the parent to put the oxygen mask on first before they put it on their child because we can't be helpful to our children if we're not okay. And that same rule applies in real life. And so being able to lean on people, whether it's a mommy-child group that you're in or finding support in different communities, there's so many online opportunities, even for working moms to get support, to tap into neighbors who are, you know, going through a similar phase of life or other parents in the community of the school that your child goes to, or if they're in daycare, that can be a really

great sense of support. Yeah. It's the courage of being able to tell someone I need help and building the help that you need. The hardest thing to admit sometimes is need help. But it make all the difference. Yeah. I know you, you know, we talked before about survival, recovery, and empowerment. I know that's something that you're going to touch upon in your, the update to your book. How can social workers help with the process of survival, recovery, and empowerment? What does that look like? Change can't happen unless there's a willingness. And so social workers can help guide and provide resources. But I think sometimes we are really good at connecting with our clients by being vulnerable, by maybe even sharing. I know

the way I was trained was not to self-disclose, but I've learned over the last 25 years that that's sometimes where the biggest change can happen. When I admit something that maybe I struggled with and got through the other side, that a client will say, I feel like you really understand me or tell me what that was like for you. How did you get to the other side? So it's important for us to have really candid conversations and be vulnerable ourself with our clients at times when it's appropriate. Yeah, you're right. I do remember those days in training. Do not tell anything. But they also would say, too, it's a place for the self-disclosure. So ask yourself why you're doing the self-disclosure and what could benefit from, you know, how can a client benefit from that as well?

Absolutely. What resources would you recommend to social workers who may be working with the mothers and or working in prevention and treatment in this recovery space? You know, there is such a stigma, I think, that was something that we're all very familiar with our 12-step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous. Sometimes women, especially because it was founded by men and might find some meetings to be more male-dominated to recognize that you can go to a meeting without feeling like you have to have some kind of label. So I know that in an introduction, people will introduce themselves by

saying they are an alcoholic, but you can go to an open meeting. You can listen in. Alcoholics Anonymous also has all-women's meetings and online meetings as well. So you can turn your camera off And just listen and see if there's anything you relate to. There's also a program called Women for Sobriety, which was founded by a woman who felt like she didn't fit into Alcoholics Anonymous and a wonderful resource that all of these are free as well. She Recovers is an online program that was founded by a mother and daughter who are in recovery.

And their tagline or motto is we are all recovering from something. So whether it's a relationship that you're working through or disordered eating or substances, there's a place for you. And listening to other podcasts or reading what I call quit lit, quit literature, and reading somebody else's story can be really helpful for people who are curious about maybe making changes in their life around alcohol use. And the more resources that we can provide to individuals and different types of resources is the point that you're making so that they can find what feels right for them to get the support that they need. Yeah. How has your lived experience helped to challenge your work as a social worker? Well, Makiba, when I first wrote my autobiography nine years ago, I had colleagues who told me it would ruin my career, that I was supposed to be the expert and not share my story as

a patient. But it did the absolute opposite of that. And so I do look at some of my advocacy work as my service work. I've been very fortunate to share my experience, strength, and hope on national media platforms. And with that has come other women reaching out and saying, I related to your story. Thank you for your bravery. And it helps them to feel less alone because, yes, I have all the clinical knowledge, but I've also been in the trenches.

And I think that gives me a little more street cred, to be quite honest. So it's helped. Yeah. And sometimes you can relate to the person, you know what they may be experiencing. You don't know per se, but you can have an idea of what the experience might feel like for them and helps you do the work as well. Anytime somebody says me too about an experience, we just feel so much less alone. And I think that in the eyes of professionals, we are human too. And when we can offer some personal experience, that can be helpful.

Yeah, and it helps let your guard down, right? Your clients are able to. That's how you build the trust and those things as well, too. So it's very helpful. What would you say is the most underrated skill social workers should develop in the recovery space? Oh, that is a great question. Let me think on that for a minute. Underdeveloped skill. Underrated. Underrated. There we go. There we go. So it's a skill, but it's underrated. I think the most underrated skill that social workers offer their client is genuine authenticity that you can't teach that in school. It is a personality trait that I think many of us drawn

to this field have already. So sometimes we get worked up in the logistics of diagnostic criteria and making sure we give our clients the right resources. And sometimes just holding space for someone and connecting with them can be the biggest game changer. Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. It is true because sometimes it's not about the actual book, the textbook. Sometimes it's just who you are in the moment. Yeah, I like that authenticity. Yeah. How can social workers stay motivated in this work? Because it's not easy. You know, it's not easy. It is not easy. And just as I was talking about moms needing to take care of their self and put their oxygen mask on first, we are not here to rescue people. We are

not saviors, you know, that we are human beings too. And self-care is so important. And I personally practice what I preach. And if I'm not moving my body and I'm not meditating or praying or connecting on a deeper level with somebody else, I don't feel I'm doing as good of a job in my work with my clients. A lot of us are really overwhelmed having large caseloads, working in crisis and it is a really high burnout rate, but we can, you know, I think social workers are really good at saying yes a lot, that it's okay to pause and say no and putting the boundaries in place. The work is always going to be there and we can't be helpful to somebody else if we're not taking care of ourselves. Yeah, it's so, so, so, so true. We have to take self-care and make it a

priority. I know we talked about mothers. You know, I kind of want to go back. How can we also like pull in the partner if there is a partner? What can social workers do to to get that support? Because sometimes there's a partner there. They may not feel like their support or they may not be a partner there. So they may have to lean on extended family. How can we use those individuals to help mothers as well during this time period? Sure. So it's a systems issue, right? It's family and being able to get support in education, whether it is attending a doctor's appointment

with a new mom who is going in for a checkup. A lot of OBGYNs, I know it ranges state by state, but we'll do a check-in on the mother's health. And certainly partners are welcome to those appointments. Al-Anon is a 12-step program that can be really helpful for people who do have substance abuse issues. Their partners can attend in learning and getting support about how to support their partner. But specifically in terms of mothers, I think we need to look at having open dialogue on both sides, that our partner doesn't necessarily know that something's going wrong

if we're not articulating it. And this kind of goes back to that shame we sometimes feel. I don't want to tell my partner because I don't want them to think that I'm doing a bad job or that I'm struggling. But oftentimes women will mask it or internalize it. And it may show up in terms of other areas of how it impacts us, whether that's being short, whether that's not communicating or withdrawing. And so it's equally as important for spouses or significant others to check in on each other. Yeah, absolutely. Because wearing the cape is a thing. It sure is. Sometimes you feel like you can't take the cape off and sometimes you don't want to let people know that you need the help. So you're right, sharing it with your partner or

your extended family whoever that may be could be helpful as well well and something else I wanted to say about that is because sometimes as as moms we don't even notice we're just kind of hitting the pavement running with our blinders on and trying to juggle so much that we might not even be aware we're struggling so I think it is important that if you see something that is different in somebody in the way that they're functioning or they seem like their mood is low or they're hyper-anxious or overwhelmed, just check in on somebody and say,

how are you doing? How can I help? And sometimes just asking that question can open up a conversation that feels safe. Yeah, absolutely. And that can happen in a session too or whatever setting that you're working with someone in. You know, when you first started working with them

before the baby, They may have had been very joyful and happy, and now you're seeing some slight changes. It would be a great opportunity to say, as you're saying, are you OK? You know, do we need to talk about this and start assessing for some of those things? Because, you know, depression is a thing, you know, during motherhood on top of, you know, the stress of juggling, you know, the adjustment in the day to day things as well. So, yeah, you're right. And sometimes new moms don't have anything to compare it to.

So they're like, maybe this is just the way you're supposed to feel after having a baby. So, yeah, that is really important. Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you. Well, this brings us to the end of our podcast. Before we go, do you have any final thoughts? Yes, this March is Social Worker Month. And I am so honored to be in solidarity with my people. I have so much respect for the work that we do. And I have never met a social worker I didn't like. It's kind of that like me too sharing. Oh, you're a social worker. Okay, cool. Let's connect.

I just feel like it's such an honor and a privilege to do this work. And oftentimes it goes unnoticed or underappreciated. And I just want to give a shout out to everyone who's doing the work. Keep going. Take care of yourself. Pause. Take breaks when you need them. And it is important for social workers to ask for help, too.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And if there are listeners interested in following you and your work, where can they find you? They can go to my website, www.Kelley, K-E-L-L-E-Y, Kittley, K-I-T-L-E-Y.com. And they can find ways to follow me on social media or they can directly email me as well or purchase my book. All right. Thank you to our listeners for tuning in to this episode of Social Work Talks as we engage

in our conversation on what every social worker must know about motherhood, stress, alcohol use, and practical ways to help. Links to Kelly's book and other resources can be found in the show notes section of our website. You may Google NASW Social Work Talks to find it. Again, thank you so much for listening.