Nerd Poker - A Nerd Poker Christmas Carol - Part 1 of 3

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Since the holiday scheduling was frightful, but the vibe was still delightful, so to dodge a content hole, let it roll, let it roll, let it roll! Famous thief and murderer Willy Crackits has done some foul deeds in his time, and the ghosts of millionaires are coming for revenge! And we know what to do with evil millionaires, right gang? Willy's murder crew will happily help him dispatch these ghouls of past, present, and future. Enjoy Part 1 of 3!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everyone, it's Brian Pesane. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's our Christmas special. We're calling it the Nerd Poker Christmas Carol. And this is at least two parts.

This is episode one of our Nerd Poker Christmas Carol. So ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas. I'm gonna say hi to my friends. They're all here on Zoom. What's up, Dan? Hey, Brian. I love the convenient Uncle Nick poster behind you. It's always behind me. It's it lives there And it's always a it's always a time to watch uncle Nick doesn't have to be Christmas time Ken's here

Merry Christmas Hey buddy Willie crack itetts is here. Hello, hello. The guy that plays with me. You know, I watch Uncle Nick every Sunday. Thanks, somebody should. Blaine's here.

Hey, hi. Is there an Aunt Nick? Nick, wow. And running the thing from his home with his adorable dog, Sam, everybody. Hello, Christmas children. Nice. Do we get a- Oh, go ahead. I was just gonna say,

is that a Harry Bo advent calendar behind you? Yes, it is. Wow. Nice. And this is one. My question, Sam, is because we are zooming, can we get a ramen update? Yes, we can.

I feel like we haven't seen ramen in a bit. It's true. A lot of Haribo's. He's still real. Hey! Look at that guy. Look at that guy. Is that a beautiful Christmas collar, bright red? Yep. He's still real. Hey! Look at that guy.

Beautiful Christmas collar, bright red. And that famous pink stomach. He is adorable. Yeah. Brian's pointed out so many times, the boys at Stan Winston. The boys and girls of Stan Winston have really earned their money with this one. Yeah, they've earned their money with this one. And Brumman's got a nice ripped ad.

Just do that. That's right. He works out with his shirt up during the show. She has her face buried in the keys. Oh, oh, that's cute. That's really. Hey, buddy. Willie. Oh, she's out. I'm sleeping, old man.

Hey listeners! We are run by Patreon. If you can head on over to patreon.com slash nerdpoker you can keep the show going, keep the lights on, keep the minis flowing, and we like to thank people at our top two tiers on Patreon, the Hey Boss and Stargoyle levels. They go by usernames like Brian I gave you $69 in st. Louis you son of a bitch Thank you Yeah, I hope they subscribe to other patreon's

so like they have to They have to like like check their own Patreon levels and be like, wait, what was this guy? Brian, I'm not Brian. Thank you, Pratt Dudley. Thank you, Eric Wartley. Thank you, Cavill. Oh, actually, have we done this one or I think we might have done this one. Right.

Every do we do last time? I'm miss construes bit. Yeah, I mean, this all sounds familiar. Yeah all right so I'm gonna back it up um some of these might be overlap if it is apologies listeners thank you I want my name to be spaghetti thank you 6971 Milf Tits Avenue that one sounds familiar thank you a pup named Scooke thank you Luke the Husbatron Jib Jabbas Prime. I know we did this one, but I guess you get a double. Thank you, Ed Gein's Leather Jeans.

Thank you, Queen Latifah's Supa Fupa. Thank you, That Time Whipped Panzuzu Out At Chi-Gees. Chi-Cheese? Excuse me, I hope I didn't ruin the joke by not being able to pronounce Chi-Cheese. Thank you, WV French Fried. Thank you, Newmie. Thank you, Eric Edzel. Thank Thank you Bachman Maximum Overdrive. Thank you Honey Crunches of Oats.

Thank you Jim Hollingsworth. Thank you Death Atlas. Thank you Hec 487. And finally thank you AtDiscGolfTravelers. Blaine, are you here it died we missed you you're in the middle of saying the word cat and you froze oh hey, who are those Patreon supporters back to us? Bye. Thank you, Blaine. And now it's time for nerd pokers great expectorations. Whoops, I mean Christmas Carol. I just, I heard the word phlegm and I ran with it.

You ran, girl. So we're going to take a trip back into Victorian England-esque fae run. It is not actually Charles Dickens, but we're going to paint a picture of a snowy, mountaintop cabin community where Willie Krakitz, you are currently spending your holidays in a quaint little cabin in the mountains above Waterdeep. You're counting the profits of your last big job and you brought together a crew of murderers and thieves to take on that job.

You've all, you know, got a cheap cabin that you're sharing bunks in, but let's meet the rest of the crew. First of all, say hi to us, Willy Krakers, won't you? Oh, hello. I may I just say, it's my first time reading an adventure. I'm super excited. Don't make me stab yous. Uh oh. Brian, who will you be portraying today?

Kind of a new guy to this world man, but I'm in another thing anyway. Joffrey Spicoli. What's up? Excellent. Ken, who will you be? I mean, he's a man, Johnny. I'm a millionaire. Oh, boy, oh, boy. I hope you kill. I beat you high for this. Blaine, and who will you be sir? Hey dudes, my name's Toulouse. I'm a half elf half tortle

Half elf on a half shell. Baaaaaah I'm an elf on a shelf and instead of a shell I have a shelf. I think we're gonna get along bro. Oh man, well, I'm straight edge, bro. So maybe you should go to church with me. Ah, fuck. I'm fucking with you. I'm so high. Oh, so you want to hit off my ooze? Well, we are going to be using Roll20 today.

I see Willie Krakitz has already logged in. I will drop the link in the Zoom chat for those of us who need a handy-dandy link But you can already see the pastoral Christmas cabins that you've all been staying in It's got a little festive tree in the middle of a courtyard someone staying there has Tied up some reindeer that they've been riding. There are lights and little patios. You think other people have been staying here. The four of you hop up out of your cabin and take a look and you're thinking about heading to breakfast.

Wait, so is our caper here at this camp or this is just a camp where we're staying? Oh you're about to be confronted by the catalyst for the caper. You've just finished the caper and now you are being surprised. So allow me to explain the surprise. Sorry. No it's you know what exposition is fun for me and someone. So you guys are kind of gathered there in the courtyard when Willy Crackets, you recognize a puff of ectoplasm that suddenly materializes in front of you. It is this one dude who you think his name is Marley, you're not sure. He double crossed you and you had to stab him to death. But he appeared. Oh, go ahead, please.

Just, oh. Good job, thank you. And he says, will he crack it? Will he? Your time on this plane is over. Yo, no, go ahead, please. I'm good. Good.

Good. Oh, zoom overlap. He warned you that your time on this plane is over. So that would be a little unsettling. I am here to be the one who gloats as you die. Remember when you stabbed me? Wait, are we talking now? Do you remember that?

I am attempting to be in character addressing you. Yeah, how are we going? This is Marley. Oh, he tried to double cross me. Sorry. Yeah, you killed me. You motherfucker. Or had he tried to double-cross me? Sorry? Yeah, you killed me, you motherfucker. There are now going to be three spirits who visit you tonight. And you will have to pay.

They are very, very wealthy people who you slew and took their riches, but... who you slew and took their riches, but those are ghosts of multi-billionaires who use their wealth to seal unholy pacts with archdemons in the nine hells. They are slowly reforming their corporeal bodies, and they've been spending the last few years accumulating new wealth in the hopes that they can re-merge with phylacteries they

purchased and take over Pharaon. First though, in their semi-ghost forms, they're going to visit you tonight. The ghost of Willy Crackett's Christmas Past, the ghost of Willy Crackett's Christmas Present, and the ghost of his Christmas Future, all here, represented by different multi-millionaires and billionaires. If you got one, you got the other sometimes. Right. May I ask a question? I'm here to gloat, so I'm full of answers, yes.

So you're gloating, so you organized this? You are the wretch that has come up with this punishment for me? That's right. They've offered me semi-corporeal form here just to appear and gloat in front of you and tell you that tonight you will be visited by these ghosts while you sleep.

Fellas, should we off this fucker right now? He said he's semi-corporeal, which means he, I mean, first time you didn't see it coming this time is better odds for you, right? What? You wouldn't dare. I just told you you're going to die. Ha ha. I would like to take advantage of my ability to make an assassination attempt

before somebody else has gone in combat. Great. We kill. Can we kill this guy right now? You can sure try to. I will link at a Joffrey Spicoli and say, ready to go surfing mate. To lose. I know you're in.

I'm watching from my shelf. I see what you did there. All right. It sounds like you're ready for murder. Are people down with this or do you want me to let them go? Yeah, I'm down. Yeah, I'm down from my shelf. All right.

Yeah, I will. I will. I believe it's exactly what I described to you. It's. Assassinate all right I have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn and if I hit it if I score a hit Against a creature that's surprised. I don't know that is it's a

It's a critical hit It's a critical hit. But he's definitely going to be surprised because he showed up just to gloat and give exposition. Well then I would invite him to meet the end of my crossbow unless he's close. He's currently about five feet away from you. Oh, then I'll have to stab him, I suppose. Okay.

Five feet away from you. Oh, then I'll have to stab him, I suppose. Okay. Yeah. So I can just swing him twice. All right. The gentlest of the Dying Rasters. He's just laughing. He's just laughing.

Shit. 14. Ooh. I was really hoping it was gonna count. It does count, actually. it was an AC of 11. Oh shit, brah. So would you describe him as surprised? Yes, I would.

He goes, wah! So cool. Alright, so then it's, I get to do this damage plus sneak attack damage. Let me just make sure I'm not lying to you. Dan, I'm often a filthy liar. Filthy? All right. So it would be,

so it's double dice. So it's two, four plus six is 10 for the piercing. And then, oh, I guess we just doubled this and then the sneak attack is eight So ten for the piercing and then double it's 18 for the sneak attack, but that gets doubled because it's dice as well So it's 18 that becomes 36 and ten forty six against Marley the ghost How would you like to see Marley the ghost die I want to stab him in the same place and as the knife is going is like see it didn't have to be this way again Marley yet here we are send your friends by this isn't fair I'm a messenger he says as he splatters across the tree leaving blue slime all over it Well friends apparently I fucked you all this Christmas

But if you help me fight off these ghosts, I will be more than happy to share plenty of treasure with everybody Okay, I'm in You do see there are three gold coins that fell out of the ghost. Oh, there are? Three gold coins glitter on the ground begging you to pick them up. Oh, can I? Hmm. How does one check coins on the ground for traps, Dan?

Investigation check, or you could like do some other sort of specific thing. I will look at those and go is anybody here got magic powers is I'm gonna use my mage hand to pick up one of the coins. Oh Okay from my shelf Your mage hand sparks for a minute and disappears for a moment, for a microsecond. Like my Zoom app. You see an arc of electricity shoot across the not quite there hand and then it dissipates.

I'm going to shake my hand up on the shelf and go, hey, don't touch this bro, those are like charged. Interesting. Well, if maybe I will more than happily share some of my own personal treasure with all of you. Sure. That sounds good. Well is there any way we can uncharge the stuff? Perhaps.

I cannot dispel magic. Unfortunately my magic is stabbing people in the neck. Like Marley! The magic of delight. Well, should we? Let's see.

Should we go back at least into our rooms then? Or wait, you said we were walking out when this happened. Yeah, you're getting ready for breakfast. And if you like, we can have you try to find if these spirits are laying in wait somewhere. If you'd all like to do an insight check. Ooh. Yeah, let's do that. You want me?

Anybody? I mean, I want you, but if you could also roll an insight check, that would be great. Gross. I got a six. We got a 15. We got a six, we got 15.

14. Inside. Inside. A 17 minus three is 14. Nice, nice. You got some bad something. Who else? Brian, do you got yours? Yeah, I said 14 bad something. Who else? Brian, do you got yours?

Yeah, I said 14. Sorry. I'm sorry if I didn't hear it. Yeah, that's OK. Yeah. I'm also sorry. So what is the high roll there then? 14?

So. No, 15. Somebody did 15. Ah, I gotcha. OK. Most of you are unsure, you know, what there really is to figure out here other than let's just lay in wait for these ghosts and stab them to death. Except for Willie Crackets,

Willie Crackets, you squint your brain just enough that it comes to you that if this dude showed up easy to kill with booby trapped coins on his person, the whole thing is a pretty elaborate setup. And yeah, they might come to you in your sleep tonight, but there's likely other ways that you could approach this. You're not sure that these spirits are currently on the grounds, but you do think that if this ghost is just popping up in the middle of nowhere they know where you are and that there is likely some way to beat them to the punch.

Oh okay. So when you arrived late last night after your job you paid the innkeeper who was just outside the front of the main cabin grounds. He was just you know feeding his reindeer. He was just, you know, feeding his reindeer. Very, very normal seeming towns person. However, you didn't go inside the building. So you're not entirely sure what that main building looks like. Other than the fact that there is an innkeeper who, completely oblivious to the mini combat you just had, has now walked out once again to clean up some reindeer poop. walked out once again to clean up some reindeer poop. All right.

Good morning. Good morning. Are we too late for breakfast? No not at all. Merry holidays. Whatever they are in Faerun. You know, fantasy holidays. I will sort of look at the other guys and like.

Life day. Yeah, happy life day. We celebrate this day of peace. You guys, they seem okay. What do you think? Yeah, they seem okay. Should we go inside and at least I Mean we can scout out these rooms. All right, my welcome one of the main room. Well, check out the big building first

Let's go All right, you should all have control of your tokens which I have currently beneath the big Christmas tree. As you head inside, the innkeeper stays outside for just a moment. You think he'll be back inside soon. You can see there is a little landing where people can have perhaps tea and coffee. And you open the main doors to discover a very festive area where it's obviously set up to be both a bar and a bed and breakfast. It's quite a quaint little place. Can I get an insight check from everybody? Insight check. And the insight check answers 6 minus three is three Darcelle Beverly Pam Jamila. You're really and Nicole

Are gonna eat 13 Just trying to find that screen I lost everything You lost everything. No, I just can't find that window Sorry, dude It's all good, bro You lost everything! Nah, I just can't find that window. Sorry, dude. It's all good, bruh. How the fuck did I lose the whole thing? What a fucking dummy.

Sorry, guys. Blaine, what is me being an idiot brought to you by? It's brought to you by Ross Dress for what? What's the point? Ross Dress for what? Insight role. Yes, sir. All right. Oh, botchy boo. No. Yeah, worth it.

My character is as dumb as I am or worse. Well, as you walk into the main room, I'll bring everyone up towards the main room. You get the kind of feeling that it's very casual. Perhaps you'll be offered morning tea or coffee if you just sit in one of the plush chairs or couches. Perhaps you'd rather sit at one of the long meal tables perhaps even since there are four of you. You would like to occupy one of the four bar stools and you will be brought breakfast sausages, eggs, who knows, but the warmth of the fire roaring makes you all feel just as festive as the tree in the corner does. You notice a few things. There is a fire pit in the middle as opposed to a normal hearth. Between two chairs on the left there, you'll notice there is a small table. That table on top of it has a sort of bed and breakfast ledger sign-in.

So you have that sitting there. But with a high of 15, that is about the most I can give you that you into it, except that there are some side rooms. You see there's a multitude of doors there. If you look in on the map, that is pretty accurate. All right. Can I take a glance below, Hello, Roger. See if anything would you like? Sure. Why don't you do a investigation check? All right. That's a 14. So you flip through, the only unusual thing you notice since you don't really know what you're looking for You flip through the only unusual thing you notice since, you know,

you don't really know what you're looking for is there is a sort of smudge on the most recent page. Somebody said with your left hand, left handed Joe, I look at ink, but I'm sure just you roll an insight check. You inside that inside friend. Well, I was in investigation, so he's inciting his investigation.

You don't have those eyes. This third one, this game. Sixty is a smart guy. It's not ink. And it's some sort of weird substance. It does it doesn't look fresh, fresh. It looks like it may have been there

for at least a few hours, but it almost has like a sticky quality to it. Yeah. So like a ghost side did. Could be. We can't make out the, You said ectoplasm. Can't make out the signature.

You can, if you share the ledger book with Willie Crackets. Willie, you look down and you actually recognize the three most recent names. Oh, cor blimey, I know these names. Can I- Fuck man kill. These are people you murdered a long time ago. I'll give you a little bit of information on them.

I'll just ask you to roll a history check as you go back through your heads of all the miserable people that you've stabbed to death. Awesome. Do that right now. 19, no bonus by the way. I'm like, oh, people who want me dead? Yes, yes, that comes to mind.

Well, the person you killed longest ago, you see has signed in as Mitch McTortle. This is a wealthy politician you killed many, many years ago. Tortle, yes, much like your character, Blaine, this was a- I'm half Tortle. My shelf half.

This was a conservative Tortle who, you know, got a lot of money via his wife, imported from other countries, and used it to lord over the people of the country, of the people of Waterdeep. The other person, the person who you know was really important in Waterdeep society, not that long ago, might say the present,

is Elon Crux, a wizard who pretended to invent electric magic, but really just paid some engineers to invent it for him so he could take all the credit. And finally, Dan, you put the B in subtle. Finally, the third signature that you recognize as someone you've murdered very recently, someone who everyone thought was going to be the future

of all of Faerun, Jake Maul, and Ogre who was a melee combat influencer. Love it. And Dan, can we get like a, sort of just sort of what we can think to expect, like a race in a class. Obviously, Mitch McTortle is a tortle, but like class wise, do we think of them as being a wizard or what do we know about these guys? You know, I remember you think Mitch McTortle is some sort of necromancer.

Not cool. Oh, OK. You think you want to. You like, Crock Cucks is also some sort of wizard. Okay. Possibly uses elemental magic. Okay. And Jake Maul is a melee combat fighter.

So probably some sort of barbarian. Barbarian, awesome. Okay, well. I would just bubble. You would guess that since they signed in, they are semi-corporeal right now and feeling very cocky. I mean. We obviously maybe we just try and jump one of them right now.

Well, we're going to take them one at a time, right? I mean, oh, yeah, not all of them. But if they're in their different wounds, maybe we jump one of them in his womb. The innkeeper... There's a lot like this Bill Murray movie I saw called Groundhog Day, and it's a lot like that. Put a little love in your heart. Yeah, the innkeeper comes in

and offers you all sausages and eggs. Oh, thank you so much. Say, you know, some of our friends, I believe, were meeting here. Do you know where they are? Oh, is that right? We have a lot of people staying here right now. Probably the most recent free.

Like, if I would guess, they were probably the free last people that checked in here. They were just ahead of us. He blinks and says, I think you're the most recent three. I mean four. Alright. Well thank you. And I look at the guys and take a mouthful of eggs and be like,

well, this whole place might belong to these ghosties. Right. That's true. Right. They might have taken over. What? Wait a minute. So can I. You didn't see the other people sign in. Oh, he seems to be under some sort of like a little spell.

You can ask him if you want to. Yeah. I mean, he's present. There is an NPC in the room with you. Yeah. Kalos! What fight? Forrest!

Hi. Uh, I'm from, from my shelf, I'm going to cast a detect magic. See what I, see what sort of magic I can detect from my shelf. Okay. Oh boy. Visuals. So yeah, the- Is that a raptor?

What's the distance on your detect magic? Distance on my detect magic. Yeah, I'm trying to remember if it's like 30 feet, 60 feet, 120 feet. I feel like it's, I feel like it. Did everybody see him? The kid behind me. Oh, sure did. And his underwear all day long on vacation.

I think it was Sam working out. Yeah, Ken. Detect magic. 30 feet. I looked it up it's 30 feet 30 feet in front of me yeah how's he on vacation I his vacation started today Friday yeah Friday was half day okay and he's off until the sixth Rhodes is in finals they like his school is a brutal like he's got it He's got to go through all these tests before he can leave on Friday Yeah, and yeah, I heard one of them is kill a kid

He's already done that oh my gosh Toulouse you patiently walk around the main area of the cabin and you detect a magic aura coming off of every single door floating shapes behind all of them that are giving off magic auras. You detect, let's see, there's definitely some necromancy. There's you you detect divination magic, enchantment magic, and abjuration magic. Okay, so there are ghosts of varying degrees of gggg behind all these doors, is that correct? No, that is not correct. There are magic auras, which could be objects,

people, clothing, that are slightly obscured by the magic spells cast on all the doors, which are probably some sort of trap. And the door, and I can vibe that the doors are rigged. Yes. Magic rigged. Okay. The innkeeper goes to the bar and says, Well, I've served breakfast.

I've scooped the reindeer. I can't remember what else I'm supposed to do. I think I'm done for the day. What about Ham? Is there magic coming off of Ham? No, but if he got magically whammied, he wouldn't give off an aura. He has a spell effect in progress,

not a spell pulsing off of him. So he's a current human. Before you go to bed, can you tell us about these other buildings out there? Oh, of course. Almost like a tour, maybe, fellas, would we maybe like to see a tour of the groundses? Yeah, that sounds good.

You know. Oh yeah, man. Spicoli pounds his boot on his head. He says, that's my skull. Allow me to walk you around the grounds. Let's a go. Again. You follow him outside into the courtyard and note that your cabin that you have all rented is one of four smaller rentable cabins on the grounds. He points to yours, which is sort of in the middle. I think you can tell it's the one that on the fog of war

is sort of like at the inside of it revealed already. He points to it and says, oh, you know there, of course, that's the seven bedder that I rented to all of you. It's got some extra beds. I see only four of you. And over there we have that cabin and over there's there's that one and then um there's another cabin I think. I think I may have pointed to all of them

at this point. Should we go back inside? Wait a moment. This tree. Tell us about this majestic center place here in the middle. Oh, of course. I'm not sure how I managed to do it, but as you can see, there are tiny little lights that are lit up as if by magic. We use something called electricity. I've never had it before. Of course, the inside of the cabins are all simply lit up with torches and Candles and sconces, but there's some sort of electric magic lighting up the little lights in this tree Hmm. I can't remember how I arranged it Very impressive. I know we're here and I'll kind of point to the east and like it looks like there's a snowman Yeah, and I'll kind of point to the east and like, it looks like there's a snowman.

Yes. Snowman on either side and kind of point those out to him. And those, tell us about those. Those are my snow golems. Your snow looms? I made them. Aren't they festive? Would you like to know how?

Yeah. I made a small little snowball and then I rolled it through the snow until it got very large. Then I put two smaller ones of those on top of it and decorated them with coal and carrots and sticks. One of them has a top hat. And then over there,

and I'll point a little further to the east, like those great red... What is that coming out of the ground over there? Oh. I don't see anything. Oh, never mind. Do we see anything? Yes, you see what looks like large peppermint candy canes

stuck in the snow. But he doesn't see them. He doesn't. He seems unable to recognize them as he looks at them, blinks and says, some great snow we've got today. Good time to visit. Thank you, friend. Of course.

Well, we're here and we need to if we need to get into a room, do you have keys that we might be able to, well, if we needed you, do you have keys on you, or is there keys in the office? Uh, why don't you roll a persuasion check, Willie? Persuasion you say. Uh huh. Not assassination, Dan. Interesting.

You can kill the innkeeper if you want. Roll it really, really hard. Really hard. I got a eight. I can't remember just what's going on with these other cabins, but I can tell you there are people in them who have asked not to be disturbed, so... I have keys, but I should hold on to those. I will try to make eye contact with anybody else as I try and get his attention,

see if anybody can try and pickpocket those keys, maybe. Oh, what luxurious eye contact I'm making with you all of a sudden. Yes, it's unusual, but as a lawful half-wing, I use a special eyelash comb. I brush them out. I work so carefully, so I seem dainty. I'm good.

I would like to try to pick his pocket while Willy is doing that. Dan, I'm gonna try a mage hand. Ooh. All right. That is going to be still a sleight of hand check. Sleight of hand. It'll just be with, you know, this magic hand.

18 plus two is 20. Wow. Only you see, you do it so definitely no one else sees it. You pluck a ring of keys off of his belt and sort of using his body as cover, you know, pluck him off his belt, pull them behind his back and lower them into the snow and kind of like tuck them into the snow out of sight.

Love it. Well, thank you for teaching me your self care for your eyelashes. Oh yeah, very important, especially in the cold of climates. Farewell, friend. Goodbye, I'm going to stand and stare at a wall until it's dinnertime He walks inside There's a fucking weirdo. He's AI. He's totally AI Well friends, I apologize I've clearly angered the wrong people

You can now quite easily if you, go over to where the keys were tucked into the snow, pull them out. You know where I tucked them, Dan? Van Nuys. That's where I always tuck my keys, keys, keys. Oh, god. I said, local jokes get you local work. Everybody, this is, he Everybody this is a car dealership by my house

That you would never have heard of. Blaine what is it called though? Keys keys keys keys on Vinay's. Oh It's a car. Yeah, it's a string of car dealerships owned by a guy named keys K E Y E S. Wow. I was hoping it was owned by Sweet James. There's fucking everywhere. It's either Keys or Soze. Not sure. We had a Lexus from Keys years ago, yeah. Nice.

I hope their D&D podcast listenership slash sales go way up. I hope so too. Well now we've got these keys then we want to take a look inside or do you know No, interesting the nicest dealership they had like full soda bar Yeah, like if your car was getting done there there cookies all day long Yeah, like if your car was getting done there, there are cookies all day long. Really? Yeah, bagels in the morning.

That Keys was fucking awesome. What about in the evening and suppertime? I never went to suppertime. Keys in the morning, Keys in the evening, Keys at suppertime. That's a lot of Keys. With pizza on your Keys. Yes. What do people like like in main buildings, sir?

I mean, we know for sure there's going to be necromancy. Glancing at the iron key ring, you note that there are about 10 keys on it, but there are four larger iron keys, the one of which resembles the key you are given to your own cabin. Oh, yeah, I'm thinking they're out in these gas cabins, cabins. Yeah, it'll be easier to guess if we know we've given four cabins and we've got a big key.

Yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's go hit the cabins. I'll give you that you've been running to tech magic this whole time, Blaine, and you can tell there are auras coming off of the cabins as well, including the doors. Ooh. All right. Cool. Well, past, present, future, right?

Do we want to start on the left and move to the right? Yeah, let's do that. What is this one here to the west of us, Dan? What does that one look like? Well, it's got a little wreath on the door, a large iron ring beneath it meant to be pulled on after unlocking said door. There are windows on the south side of the building and one single window on the north side.

As you sort of case the building, you note that the north window has what looks like a Christmas tree just inside, obscuring most of what you can see. And there are those three windows on the south side of the building, but they look like they have the curtains drawn. I'd love to get a shelf up in there.

Oh, you definitely wouldn't get inside though, right? Are these buildings numbered, Dan? They are. And what number is this one, Dan? One. Ah! What a, what a coinkydink his name is saying, Phil. Good choice.

All right, you wanna do it? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. We knew it, there are magic traps, but we have the key. Can I use the mage hand to turn the key, Dan? Yeah, good call. Yeah, absolutely you can. Can I use the Mage Hand to turn the key, Dan? Yeah, good call. Yeah, absolutely you can.

Okay, I'm gonna have the Mage Hand is going to take the key and put it in the lock. You know, have your Mage Hand pick up the key ring and you blink for a second, you know, not because you're getting whammied like the innkeeper, but just as you think, oh, I don't know exactly which one of these keys is for this, Gavin. I was gonna mention, given that we know what our key looks like, is there any kind of correspondence that we can go like,

oh, so this goes to this one? Anything like that? It looks like these keys were cut to be for the individual doors in such a way that doesn't have any sequence assigned to them. So yeah, you can eliminate the one of the four iron keys that is matched to yours, but the other three, it's completely random as far as you can tell,

just based off of the little notches. Okay. Willie will turn to Toulouse and go, Toulouse, can you see if the keys have a type of magic, maybe like one door is necromantic and one key is necromantic, you know what I mean? Yeah, is there any magical vibe that I can detect elf-wise coming off of these things?

Detect magic does not ping any magic on the keys well I guess we'll just have to figure out which key goes where on our next Christmas Carol episode of nerder rings pokers nice thanks man of course is Nice. Thanks, man. Of course, is that happy holiday? Listen, Sam was unavailable to do a recap today. So, Brian, if you you'd like, I can get into my plugs. Yeah, do it. You know, what's a great last minute Christmas present? Then mowing me seven hundred dollars.

J.K. L.O.L., but also not. If you go to Dan Telfer, you can hire me as a Dungeon Master by just shooting me an email. I've got my basic rates on there but you can also find me on the Start Playing Dungeon Master website by I think searching for Dan and scrolling down a bunch. But I do have a link up in several places to my Patreon where you can hire me but just reach out. I'll coordinate with you the best way to do it where you can hire me, but just reach out. I'll coordinate with you the best way to do it. I can send you a little gift image if you like,

if you're gifting sessions to somebody that you're gonna play with. I've had, I believe, four different people buy them and I've got plenty of slots open still. So yeah, reach out. Would love to hear from nerds. Especially if you've been searching for Dan in all the wrong places.

The right place at Dan Telfer on Venmo. That's a great place to search for Dan. And me, I've got a merch for sale on brianpassein.com. Some Christmas type stuff or some really good gifts like posters and and vinyl that I've done over the years that I signed and my friend Nikhil a friend of the show is Sending that stuff out and he can get it to you pretty quickly before Christmas Brian Paseen calm once again for that and then for tour dates. In the new year I'm in Burlington, Vermont one of my all-time favorite places. That's my

first gig of the new year. I'm so happy to be there at the Burlington Comedy Club or Vermont Comedy Club whatever they call it but it's right down there, downtown. Such a fun place and then I'm in Denver, one of my other favorite cities with JT Habersat the week after that so look for those tour dates and then we're wrapping up Grommets. Issue seven comes out in the new year and issue seven comes out in the new year and started ordering those some those trades the collections. Rifters will be out soon and you got to get one of those. Cheers that's it for me. Hey Brian have you ever played in Milton Burlington? That place is full of huge dicks. No, I don't know it. Merry Christmas everybody.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Thanks for watching!