Nerd Poker - A Nerd Poker Christmas Carol - Part 2 of 3

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Time to murder billionaires in a fantasy setting! The Nerd Poker Christmas Carol continues, with Willy Crackits and his murder crew slaying the ghosts of three eerily familiar psychopaths, each with a vague realism to them for some unspeakable reason. Enjoy Part 2 of 3 in our holiday interlude! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it The Thug Campaign. My friends are here, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Poseid. It's gonna be another good one. We're doing nerd pokers. That's why you're here. And my friends are all here. It's the second episode of

the Christmas special nerd poker. Christmas, Christmas Carol. Yeah, Christmas story is the one where the you put your eye out. That's a whole other thing. Yes. My friends are here. Christmas Carol Channing was what Blaine was going to run for us today. Yeah. I have not watched Scrooge yet, but that is a tradition here at the house.

Christmas movies have been running. Since Halloween Halloween really. Blade is here. Hey, yeah, our favorite Christmas movie is Born on the Fourth of July. That's what I'll do. No, does your kid have one that he loves? Like Elf or one of the, you know, one of the more famous. We watched Elf recently. He likes the elf.

And yeah, I don't know. We really have too many Christmas movie traditions over here. That fucking. Born on the 4th of July. That fucking movie kills me. Mel and I watched Elf last night, and we laughed out loud. It holds up so well.

Yeah, it's really good. We've seen it. Everybody's so young in it, too Yeah, we've seen it so many times, but we were laughing at the all the physical shit Heat will ferrell is so fucking funny and Melanie was like who else could have played this part. I'm like fucking nobody really Yeah, that casting is so perfect. He's where he pushes all the buttons on the elevator. I guess falling over He's such a fucker. Really. He's so good. It's yeah No one gets hurt, too. Like it's it's you laugh your fucking ass off shockingly all ages. Yeah

It's a kind movie. Yeah, but one of my nieces all watched it when they were like five. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we called out everybody here, but everybody's here. You listen to this episode. Yeah, fuck. We at least need to end with a prompt for. But Sam's here. Hello, New Year's children. Ah, nice.

I'll be your peppermint child. You 20, 25. You want to thank some people? Nice. I'll be your peppermint child. In the year 2025. You want to thank some people? I do and I assume you're talking to me because I am so grateful that I'd like to thank our Patreon supporters. This is a rare, you know, Zoom episode that we're putting on the main feed because it's a Christmas special. We're giving ourselves space to do something special over the holidays.

And we hope you enjoy these three episodes of which this is part two. And it's all made possible by our Patreon supporters. If you would like to keep this show running, the best way you can do it is head on over to patreon.com slash nerdpoker. I think you save some money on fees if you do it through the website in a browser

as opposed to the Patreon app. And also the Patreon app is kind of buggy. So, you know, do that. And there's extra bonus episodes over there. Bonus episodes. That works, too. And we have Patreon supporters that are top two tiers get a shout out. And they've got usernames like RussianGayevich. Thanks, RussianGayevich.

Thanks. Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers. Thank you, SpicyPants. Thank you, spicy pants. Thank you, Dick Trickle. Thank you, Morrissey, the vegan bore. I guess that's that's fair. Thank you, Matt Wines. Thank you, dildo district developer Donna Double D Diddler. Quite the deliration.

Thanks, Todus Emptor. Thanks, Kilt Bill. Thanks, Todus Emptor. Thanks, Kilt Bill. Thanks, The Electric Bear. Thanks, The Great Rando Calrissian. Uh-uh. Thank you, Brandon Blackburn, Alderman 71st Ward. I think you know a district, the Dildo District.

Thank you, Prop Meat. Thank you, Dang Wayne Half-Step. Thanks, Come Meet the Mountain Campaign. Over the Fog Campaign now. Thank you, Old Portland Stew. Thank you, Steinmetz Pianos. half step thanks come meet the mountain campaign over the fog campaign now thank you old Portland stew thank you Steinmetz pianos you can tuna fish but you don't can pianos thank you Bryce spider Lisser thank you Randy butter nubs and finally thank you beholder upfront gibbering mouther in the back. That girl's pretty. Butter nubs.

Blaine, who are those butter nubs brought to us by? Butter nubs brought to us by Tyson chicken thigh gummies. Just thighs, only thigh meat. Chew on these for thighs. Tyson chicken thigh gummies. Dan? Thanks, Blaine. It reminds me of when I have to feed my cat

and I get the wet food out. You take the lid off and like the cat food's got that like meat gelatin along the ridge. Oh yeah. Whoa. Which is the only thing grosser than what the food itself is which is meat mousse. It is moose meat.

I saw I saw meat gelatin open for the butthole surfers. Yeah, good call. Good call. I liked it in Elf when when he met the girl and it was meat gelatin. Cute. Ha ha ha. You know. Nice. Oh, me gelatin.

My cat's favorite part. Well, it's time we talk about the nerd poker Christmas Carol. Last time, if you remember, as you put your feet up on your parents' table and put in your earbuds and tuned out the world as you sipped on their eggnog right out of the bottle. We met our heroes, Willy Crackets and crew. We'll have to probably go around the horn again real quick. I know Toulouse is amongst them. I know Mario is amongst them and I know Joffrey is amongst them.

What? Hey, I know that dude. Ha ha. Who all is up in the cabin? Chris Tallman? Willie Crackets is a lightfoot halfling assassin. I imagine with like a big old head of like orange hair and kind of a orange turtleneck scarf. But he seems jolly, but he'll kill you Dan behind you Dan. That's it. Yeah. Blaine who will you be portraying? I'm Toulouse. I'm a half elf

half tortle and I'm on a shelf and the shelf is on my back at all times. I like imagining what- Half off on a half shelf. Total power. Pointy ears on a being that normally has ear holes is interesting to me. Ken, who will you be portraying? I'm Mario Mangione. I'm a mountain dwarf plumber.

Slash assassin. It's a you. And Brian, of course, who will you be? Joffrey. Haha. Haha. Joffrey Spicoli. I'm a high elf. You know, I'm a tall lanky dude.

But Uh, you know, I'm a, a tall lanky dude, but, uh, watch your stuff. Cause I'll take it. I just took, I just took a bagel out of your hand and put it in my shorts. You didn't even see me do it. I don't want that bagel back. Thank you. It's not my birthday.

Go back, thank you. It's not my birthday. So you all went on a job with Willie Crackets down in Waterdeep and afterwards thought you'd take a little break up in the snowy mountains in a little retreat cabin for the holidays. And you discovered that some ghosts were here to try to murder Willie Crackets. Willie Crackets has killed a lot of rich people

over the years and three of them have congregated here in cabins planning to kill him tonight. Visit him in his sleep as it were, but the messenger, Marley, a ghost of someone that he probably encountered at some point, approached Willie and Willie stabbed him to death real good. However, Marley had booby-trapped coins on his person. And upon exploring the main cabin and all the little residential cabins, there were magic traps abound. Everybody just got purloined, if you will, a ring of keys from the innkeeper who was

magically whammied. You are now testing the different doors. You suspect behind the three magically locked cabin doors are Mitch McTortle, a wealthy politician, Elon Cucks, a wizard who pretended to invent electric magic, and Jake Maul, a melee combat influencer ogre. So you're all approaching the West cabin. You looked in the windows. We're going to get some West. I want to kill all three of these guys. I don't even care what order. Now you discovered there were no magic traces on the keys, and it's one of three keys on this key ring.

But you were unable to figure out like who exactly of the three ghosts, semi ghosts is hiding in this cabin because the windows are slightly obscured. Friends, I had a thought. The keys are on a ring, right? Yeah. So on the ring of the 1234. We're in cabin three, correct? Yep. Where is that? Where is our key in that 1234 of the Iron Kings? As a matter of fact, there are two keys on one side of it, one key on the other. Okay. So you could intuit which one is cabin one that way. Yes, it would be the one that's got a key between yours and it. Yeah. On the end.

That makes sense to me. So now, however, you do have to remember, in character at least, that there is some sort of magical spell ward trap perhaps cast upon the door and its lock. Oh, and maybe the... And maybe that- But not the key. No, but so you have to do a spell or you have to be somebody or hmm

dispel magic hmm Can anyone dispel magic? I cannot I can know but Have you have that hand right you can do Yeah, I also have dispel magic. Oh you do. Ah perfect. Oh Would you know I'm? I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. going on geographically speaking. OK, well, the door, I presume, is up here on the porch. Yeah, I'm pinging it. Oh, that's the door right there. OK, yeah, here. Yeah, I'll I'll be certainly close by if we're going to use to lose as a mage hand. Maybe I won't be quite so close. But yeah, Blayne, Brian, we're we're we're outside. I'll put you, Brian, where we are.

We're kind of like if you go, if you scroll down. There are separate buildings out in the near the courtyard. It's really warm in the cabin. I'm just going to stay in here. OK, I've found a gentleman's magazine that I'm going to. Oh, well, if you want to just head into your cabin and visualize somebody at the pool, everyone else can try to break into this one. That's a different character anyway.

Yeah, no, I'm here with you guys. What's going on. I lose you. No, no, no. Right here. We're just kind of waiting for someone to make a decision. I'll something will happen to you if I don't hear anything. So I thought I had to lose his mage handing the first key. I thought we figured out. OK.

They're in the first key. Great. Can I get everybody to do a dexterity saving throw, please? Oh, shit. You betcha. Now, Dan, does this have anything to do with being frightened? Nope. Shit, bruh. 15 plus two, 17.

Nice. 18, or excuse me, 17. Three plus two, five. I got a 27. Nice. Wow. You dig your heels in and don't even blink as this happens. But you get thrown back 10 feet, Mario, and you're going to take some force damage

as there's an explosion emanating from the door and the key ring goes flying the Mage Hand is temporarily at least destroyed you're gonna take 4d6 plus 10 force damage Jesus 27 points 27 points you fly back hit your head on the cobblestone. But yeah, why don't you let me know if you've got any kind of resistance to have that 27. 27 points and you got a goose egg on the back of your head. That's a lot of damage to have.

I broke my hand. The rest of you were able to brace yourselves against the little fence that you guys have walked through to get to the door. However, yeah, you all have to feel that and go, ah, fuck. OK, so there's a spell in the door that hasn't gone away. It hasn't gone away. It hasn't gone away. No, it didn't make it undue. Didn't go very well.

Why would we need to say magic word? Past goes to Christmas past. Yeah, I will echo Toulouse. Oh, Christmas past. Oh, good, good, good. Ghost of Christmas past goes to Christmas past. Unfortunately, nothing happens. But does something happen, though?

No, focus. Let's just let's just go in and and and do it and do it anyway. But I think we can go in. Let's just go in anyway. Well, all right. Dan, we're going we're just going in. It's the door. Mario Mario. Can you roll a perception check?

The door is still closed. Yeah. There's a magic explosion that emanated off of it. Right. I got that. Mario, because you're the farthest north, you're in a unique position. So. I got a four. Yeah. You don't really notice much as you pick yourself up. Is there anything around the side of the house?

There's no other way in, right? It's just these. No, there are two windows. There are two windows in. There's a north window with a Christmas tree behind it and two, or I'm sorry, three windows to the south. I'll try and reveal them a little bit. Yeah, like it's, you know, small little drawing on Roll20, but I do have the ability to reveal it a little bit more.

I would think that we would try to go to one of the windows away from the tree because the tree is probably rigged with all sorts of horror. Oh, I was thinking those curtains are in trouble as well. Is there another way in? Windows. Just the windows, no other door. Let's go...

Well, it's on the bottom side there. Does anybody have any magic that can get through this door? The doors. But once the explosion went off now, shouldn't it be the trap is blown? Yeah, Dan was saying it did not turn off. Dan's still giving off an aura. Yeah. Hopefully you can see the windows a little better for a visual reference. Uh, well, I'll look at the group and say, Trolls was suggesting the, the curtains.

I was thinking Tweed. What did the two of you think? Perhaps you can break our toy. Is there a chimney? There is. Yeah, that's all right. You could go down that with care. Kill me client, does it, whatever ward is on the door, is it on the house as well, Dan?

No, the aura is on the door, but not the rest of the house. Oh yeah, chimney it up then. So do all four of you climb up? Yeah. I love the notion of four little stinkers climbing up the side of this house. Now- On the rooftop, dick, dick, dicks.

Once you get up there, you think it would be a pretty tight fit for Mario. You might be able to fit down there, Willie, but it is a tight, tight fit. I'm a little dwarf. Yeah, but you are stouter than Willie, who is already a tight fit. And Toulouse, are you elf on a shelf sized

or are you what's like? Okay. Yeah, I have a, I mean, I can fold up my shelf. Nice. And Spicoli, you're a bit of a read, aren't you? You're sort of a tall fellow. Yeah. All right, I'll let everyone make a check to try to squeeze in there.

Or whoever wants to. Tortles are normally quite large, but for the sake of fun, we'll say that you are all the sizes that could potentially fit. However, I am not above making you get stuck in the chimney. This is going to get Kremlin's. So it'll be no check for Willie if he wants to try to slide down there, but it will be an athletics check for everyone else.

And it will be a disadvantage. It'll be disadvantage for Joffrey and for. To loose 17 plus to 19. That's a disadvantage. Oh, what's I had. Oh, it's with disadvantage. Yeah. All of us with disadvantage. No, not no. Just the two of you who are pretty much too big to fit down this thing, but it's

me. I have advantage on athletics. Nice. So I have advantage on athletics. Does that just mean? What does that mean? You can roll with advantage. Absolutely.

Oh, okay. Okay. But unfortunately, Joffrey and Toulouse have to roll twice and take the lower number. So I believe that's a 19. That was the first role for you, right? Playing 19 for Toulouse. Acrobatics are at 16 plus seven. I'll allow acrobatics if you prefer it.

Cool. I do. I got to roll that twice, though. Yep. And take the low one. OK, that's probably going to be the low one. One. Oh, no. There we go. Hey. All right.

So that was you all slide down and. You know, just as the three of you are able to quickly emerge and leap to your feet in an offensive posture, you notice Joffrey going down head first gets stuck. So only his arms and head make it all the way out. Joffrey, you are currently suspended upside down. Your pelvis stuck fast in the chimney. I mean, in a way, Spicoli, it's a bit of a compliment.

Yeah. How do we get me out of here? Well, you'll have to think about that. In the meantime, you note there is what looks like a slimy, glowing blue turtle in the room staring at you with giant eyes. Oh dear. What are you doing in here?

It says. What are we doing in here? What are you doing in here? Really crack it, it says. I run roll for initiative. Shit, bro. It's a time to die. 13 plus two, 14.

13. 17. Oh, hell, bro. No, bruh. No, not that. Funny. But I'm stuck in a fucking chimney. So we're gonna have to get the turtle over here, close to you,

so you can attack him. Oh yeah. Rotate our body, That's a great idea What did you get blame I got a God, what did I get? Oh 13 plus 2 15. Yeah Ken, what did you get?

Or if no, I was a 14. Sorry For my initiative that is the number I care about 17 all right and again that was a 13 oh Mitch McTortle is going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll.

I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll. Is upside down Joffrey Spicoli? I fire my short bow from from in the chimney. Excellent.

Like a roll of fire. A short bow. It's pretty bad. That's what you're trying. Upside down, like like the Wampa hung you there. No, I'm just an eight, but it's officially a botch. It was a one plus seven. Oh, that's got to be a D 100, Brian.

I'm sorry. Yeah. It's becoming a. What did you do? Now a botch while stuck upside down in a chimney is is rather delicious for a dungeon master, if I may say so. Well, fuck you, bro. OK. Oh, just kidding.

Let's see what's happening. Roll high, roll high. Sorry. Thank you for a project. What the fuck? No, that was a what was that? Rolled to it rolled it twice, sorry. Mm hmm.

You know, it's I'm just excited the longer I wait for this delicious V100. Well, 33, not bad. No, not bad at all. What 33? Not bad. No, not bad at all. Will you just roll a six sided? Yeah, a one or two will be Willie. A three or four will be Mario and a five or six will be Toulouse.

Three. You got this, Brian. Three. You got this, Brian. Three. All right, so you're going to crit Mario with a shortbow arrow in the back. Oh, shit. Sorry, dude. Mario's really taking it on the chin today, huh?

Hey, what the fuck? No kidding, I'll roll some damage, some crit damage for that bow. I don't want to. Yeah. Oh, would you like me to do it for you? But what am I? What? What are you doing to me? Damage for your short bow and then we're going to double the dice damage.

It's a D six, right? Yeah. Sorry. Oh, fuck. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, no. I rolled a six. Oh, God. All right. So that's 12. And what's the damage bonus on that, Brian? It looks like four.

Yeah. What goes to 16 points of piercing damage as you suddenly feel this hot pain shoot through your back Mario very sorry like Alice noise stuck right below one of your shoulder blades sorry dude it's not your birthday up next is Mario. I will. Attack with my. Great. So.

OK. Hi, Daddy. I'm going to move your token up then. Oh, yes. Move it up. To the side. That's a 22 to a D. OK, that's a hit.

14. I. All right, you chop him right in the neck and he makes little turtle gurgle. Yay. And then. Oh, it's a second. All right, you chop him right in the neck and he makes a little turtle gurgle. Yeah. And then it's a second blow. Let's see. No. OK. All right. That's all I'm doing then.

OK, Wayne, it's you. Well, I'm going to jump up against the wall and my shelf will just sort of mount itself to the wall. And then I'm from my shelf. I'm going to shoot a ray of frost. All right. I believe is a saving throw. Yes. It is a

range spell attack. Then please roll. That's a 14 plus five, which is a 19. That's it. And a 2D8, sorry, I keep getting away from the mic here. Blaine, that's unlike you. Yeah, sorry, I'm usually right here.

Is that better? Yeah, 12. All right, well, he is chilled with all the icy cruelty of a ray of frost. And his speed is reduced by 10 feet until the start of the next turn. Am I close enough? Check, check to check. Sure. Possibly. That's good.

You're close enough. I'll put you up there to simulate yourself, although the physics of what you're doing when you undo a shelf is mind boggling to me. Right up next in the turn order is Chris. Willie is going to spread out so we're not such a convenient target and I'll maybe like press up against the wall here and try and use one of these beds for cover.

And then because I'm going before him in initiative, he hasn't gone yet, I get to use that part, I think, at least of that assassinate thing, meaning I get to attack, I believe, with advantage. Let me just check so I'm not a crazy liar. You have advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken hanging turn, yes. But he's certainly not surprised. So I won't go back. Not at this point. No, okay, so firing my crossbow with advantage. Let's see.

Oh, I did it. Ooh, critical hit. Dang it. Oh, I did it. Oh, critical hit. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. All right. So the damage is 13. And then is that right? I just want to make sure it's not cheating. No, that's right. Okay 13 and 12 20 now that is

Sorry, I'm looking at roll 20 and trying to figure out if it's telling me the correct math or if it's doing some weird math 13 if it's doing some weird math. Uh, 14, 13. It's not a sneak attack. So I think if you, if I hover over it, it says one D8 plus six. So that's, so yeah, so that's great. And then another, so it just shouldn't be the plus six twice. That's what it's doing. So it should be a seven and an eight of 15 plus six, 21.

And then that doubled. So 21 plus one and 15 plus six, 21. And then that doubled. So 21 plus one and five is six and five is 11. So 21, 11, 40. Holy shit. Wow. So your bolt smashes through his shell and just cracks in half. You hear it go out the back of his shell as well with a loud thwacking noise. And you see a spray of ectoplasm hit the wall behind him.

He's still like conscious, but you can tell he is almost completely smoked. Love it. Hooray, Merry Christmas, friends. Fuck it. Will that do it for your turn? I'm going to, and him getting knocked around, is there any way I could, I want a bonus action hide.

Is there any way that he's disoriented that I could use a little more movement so I'm not where he last saw me and then hide? Yeah, sure. Sure. So I'll move another five feet and then bonus action. Hide. So I'll, yeah, move another five feet. And then bonus action. Hide. Slide under the nearby bed.

Yep. So stealth check 29. Holy shit. Yeah, you completely disappear into the shadows. It is now. Great. Mitch McTornal's turn. He is going to cast Thunderwave.

Oh shit, oh my God. Ah. Wave of thunderous force sweeps out from him. Each creature in a 15 foot cube must make a constitution saving throw. That is you, Ken. Please roll a constitution saving throw. What, I didn't do anything?

What's happening? Ken, you are the shwap rock of this episode. I mean Constitution saving throw. Yeah, all right. It's a you Mario. I'm so sorry That's a 11 All right, that is a fail So, let's see It's going to be I'm holding onto my shelf. 4d8 thunder damage.

Jesus Christ! 23 points of thunder damage as you get thrown backwards and hit your head on one of the beds. Doesn't she jump up and knock some coins out of something? Yeah, really? I just ate up star is that actually does mean that when you say twenty three, huh? Yeah. Are you still alive? Yeah. All right.

Well, you are prone and laying next to the bed on the floor. I believe that is all he'll get to do other as far as attack actions go. So he is then going to dive out of the window. Oh, you just see him go like his whole body through the window I'm knocking the Christmas tree to the side. He you see him sort of like Stumble into the snow his ectoplasm. Do we do we get a an attack at advantage as he leaves? No, because when he cast Thunderwave he knocked the only person in melee range away from him What about no one else?

A fireball. Sadly, opportunity attack is only a melee range thing. OK, I understand. Just try. Yeah. Otherwise, fleeing is a great idea for dying folks. But that does, Brian, bring it to your turn. You can just barely see his his body through the window that he's just smashed open from a stuck position.

How do I get released? If you roll an athletics check and you can beat a 15, you'll squeak yourself out. It'll just take up half your movement. Or just pay an extra five bucks to the lady. How about a 23? Yeah, an absolute success. So you've only got 15 feet of movement left, but you can move forward

three squares towards going to the window. Yeah. I'm following the guy. You can get about that far near Ken. You get a good angle at him. You're no longer rolling with disadvantage if you want to fire an arrow. Oh, yeah, I would. You go to the window or the wall to the till the sweat drops off my balls.

Yeah, baby. Oh, Merry Christmas, everyone. Let me fire ski ski. Skeet skeet. She's. Bachi, boo. Well, God damn it. Oh, roll another D100, Spicoli.

Yeah. Fuck, please. We can please be. Can the short bows loaded, man? Fetty. OK, so as you attempt to loose the arrow, your your hand kind of twitches and the arrow just sort of grazes across your cheek and leaves a huge gash. You're going to take.

Six points of slashing damage across the face. OK. Everything you would like to do with your turn, I think it might be out of things, except for bonus actions. You do have some things I think you can potentially do. I just say fucking gnarly. You can use steady aim if you want to brace yourself so you can have advantage on your next turn next time.

I'd love to. Yeah. OK. Up next is going to be none other than Mario Mangione. He's a proper. Oh, I don't know. the the the the the

the the the the the the the There's no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy water, holy water. Jesus Christ. I'm just going to lay here and cry.

Oh. Sure, you don't want to mount a defense. He left. He's out the window. You can see him if you stand up. Yeah, Brian just shot at him through the window. Yeah. Oh. All right, I'll shoot at him through the window. Yeah. Oh. All right, I'll shoot at him too.

He missed, but yeah. I'll shoot at him with my blowgun. Do you have a blowgun? You bet I do. Where is it? I mean, you are an assassin I suppose. And I'm a blowgun master. So can I do that?

Just roll to attack with it you silly goose. Okay! Here we go. 17. That's a hit. It's a hit. A roll of your damage. It's a hit.

Oh boy. Here we go. That's a hit a Damage, it's a heat. Oh boy. Here they go That's a three Three points of damage with your blowgun Yeah All right, good blowgun. It is and you know what you shoot him in the back with your blowgun How would you like to see him die? Motherfucker hard. Because it's Christmas and die hard is Christmas for me or is it? Let's all argue about that.

Alright well he gets hit in the back with the blowgun dart and he goes really loud. So loud it's hard and then he falls onto his back you hear his shell squish as it crunches like a pre-cracked egg and in traditional traditional diehard fashion, an icicle loosened by the shout of the squish and the scream falls from the edge of the roof and lands right in his eye socket. Oh, nice. That's of course diehard, too. You have killed him. His ectoplasm dissipates and splatters across the ground. His soul is no more.

Is it heal me? No, however, he's dying. He heals me. Yeah, can I put some of the the ectoplasm in Ken's mouth? Can I just hear him? Toulouse, you notice that the magic auras on this cabin, this cabin alone have dissipated. You all also notice there were presents under the tree in here. I mean, let's open them directly into our faces.

Do they seem to be magical? They do not. Do they have name tags? It could be like potions or scrolls or something. Oh, you know what? Well, we check for traps. Oh yeah, Ken? I want to use second wind.

Oh, that'll get you some hit points, yeah. Yeah. All right. If we have healing potions in our inventory, Dan, are we allowed to share them with our friends? Of course. All right. Let me look into what I got. They're just gonna get used up. I reach into my belt and pull out a potion of healing and hand it to Mario and say,

thank you so much for helping me out on this holiday, friend. I'd be up shit quick without you. It's not a problem. So I give myself a healed for 16 and then. Can I use that potion, too too or do I have to wait? No, you can do both Just roll a roll the heal. Nice What is that?

What's that land you get to roll your he's rolling he's really I did this already did second win Oh 2d4 plus 2 It's a regular healing potion. so 2d4 plus two. Yeah. All righty. 2d4 plus two. And that is, ooh, nice. Wait, what? Four plus two.

Should have been eight. Well, while you figure that out, and we'll hear it in just a second. Sorry, ten. We do need, okay, add ten to your hit points, and we'll have to find out what is in those juicy gift boxes underneath Mitch the Portal's tree on our third and final installment

of the nerd poke of Christmas Carol. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. You know what's a great Christmas present head on over to paypal.me slash DanTelfer. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. If you go to DanTelfer.com there are a variety of ways you can hire me as your dungeon master. I would love to do it.

Still got spots open and I hope you had a great Christmas and would like to ring in the new year with me as your dungeon master. I would love to do it. Still got spots open. And I hope you had a great Christmas and would like to ring in the new year with me as your dungeon master. So go ahead and shoot me an email. And even though Christmas is over, it's never too late to go to brianpoussin.com to buy merch for your friends and family and people that love me.

Just strangers that would like a poster with me liking the Judas Priest Fund and I'm or one that I opened for Mastodon one time and I signed it. I don't give a fuck. Blaine, I know what I'm getting you for Christmas. And then grommets, thrifters, tour dates, brianpasseen.com. Blade. poker. Santa is kidnapped by MS-13s on Christmas Eve. Can the nerd poker gang

get there before they cut off another one of his fingers? No they can't. All this and Brian sits on Santa's lap wrong on an all-new Christmas nerd poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 and S California, 91416. Thanks for listening!