Nerd Poker - Epilogue - Season 3

Episode Date: September 13, 2020

New heroes will soon have to cope with the world events of Season 3, but first, let's see what happened to the Ice Five after Episode 85...

It's time to talk about what happened last season on Nerd Poker. That's right, this is a season 3 epilogue. The Ice-5's failure at Pandemonium's Fang was their dark secret to bear. But also the dungeon masters, you think I wanted that to happen? They never trust my NPCs, why did they trust the one that was for sure dead and carrying a creepy, faceless, homunculus? Jesus, Lord. Why didn't you just let TikTok become the tenebrous one, clean up the comet, and enter one of the empty bodies in stasis on the Baron's ship? Reverse spoiler alert, but, uh, you could have just done that, my dudes. Anywho, the Ice Five will meet again in bonus episodes, to be sure.

But in the meantime, what exactly did they get up to once they saw the dark towers of Vendaria dominate the southern coasts and armies of good and evil alike splatter themselves across its obsidian gates? Let's check in with the Ice-5 now. The mighty Queep has flown far away from civilization. He feels responsible for the disaster at the altar because he was so sure the mere existence of a particular drawing was proof that the homunculus was a worthy candidate for the ascension ceremony. Now he understands the mistakes his tribe made in dismissing the danger of the giants,

and feels great shame for how he looked down on them. He may never trust anyone again. He may never trust anyone again. Halcyne, shaken by the events at the Altar of the Tenebrous One and horrified by her own role in them, fled into hiding to plan efforts to fight back against the undead army she herself had helped bring to Clottenheim. Spending her days in thoughtful prayer and hardcore training, she vowed to one day help to bring democracy to all of Clottenheim and break the backs of any who stood in her way, even, and perhaps especially, her undead father Vincenzo and his army of liches. And lies.

Chenzo and his army of liches. And lies. Dr. Uwud re-established Half-Elf University with the assistance of TikTok. He also invited Kekul the Orc and Fugglesnuck the Grell back to live in his silver henny cabin, where the three of them engaged in wily madcap farces. One day, Dr. Uwud's wild magic was set off at home with catastrophic results, turning Kekle the Orc into Stacy Keech, which the three roommates tried to keep a secret from their downstairs neighbor, Mr. Roper. Terry wins a substantial sum of money in a slip-and-fall scheme and buys a double-wide

trailer with a portcullis for his wife and kids, stocked with all the knockoff sofas and snacks they could ever want. But after watching the Ice Five in action, Terry is inspired and takes his jean cutoffs and budding bat wings and enrolls in Half-Felf University to learn to be useful, vowing not to return home until he is a role model for his kids. TikTok helped Dogther retake Dratlana's massive pirate ship, rechristening it. Dogther's mom's boat. They continued sailing around Cloddenheim, having adventures like a possible murder spree at the Temple of Lerouxoux once they figured out Gus's memory issues, of course. TikTok helped Dr. Uid restart Half-Elf University and finally get back his tenure.

He helped Halcine bring democracy to Clottenheim. He helped Queep build a new nest. Destined to inspire many a bonus episode, he would eventually get on a comet and fly away to more adventures. Starjammer style. Gus follows TikTok around for the remainder of his days, using him as a pillow every night. Streading around for no particular reason, and eventually reminding he and Dagthr that they should probably figure out where Hoshinka is. Vowing to never try to lead again, Dagthr follows TikTok on new adventures hoping to somehow save his reputation and to appear better in his late father's eyes.

save his reputation and to appear better in his late father's eyes. He also seeks therapy to resolve his evil mom issues. But first, Dogther indulges in a week of excess after the ice vibe fails. He dances around drunkenly and blood spattered like Martin Sheen in a room he rents over a bar. When he's not bashing his own reflection, he beats himself up for being a sham of a leader. He vows to never call himself an admiral again, and swears he'll stab the next person who makes the mistake of calling him that. He adds Gus to a terrible homemade tattoo he hid from the gang. It is a poorly drawn picture of the Ice Five with an illegible logo. He's now shittily added Gus to

the gang, and he's scratched out five, so it reads Ice Six now, sort of. It looks like it says Ixit. And what then for season four? Prepare, dear listener, for new adventures with a new crew. The Ice-5 will likely appear in a bonus episode very soon. But after the bullshit the Dungeon Master just pulled, everyone

wants to try a fresh character sheet out. Don't worry, I'll be trying out some fresh things myself. Stay tuned for more from all of us, plus what's new with Blaine and Stacey Keech. Special thanks to Kaylin West for helping me edit this together at the last second.