Nerd Poker - Episode 15 - Never Stop Portalling

Episode Date: May 23, 2018

The stakes are high! With Dessa interrogated, it's clear that the Zinzerena death cult has some nefarious plans to not just do something to the moon, but to locate ancient drow artifacts. And what does our party do when the stakes are high? They recklessly cast spells and blow some stuff up.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Sam, Lee. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2

Hey everybody It's Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Episode 15 Once again we're down one friend but I've got Sarah, Ken Dan and We keep looking at the chair and it just makes it worse one friend, but I've got Sarah, Ken, Dan, and...

We keep looking at the chair and it just makes it worse. So I would also like to thank some people who are here with us in the spiritual sense. These people are our Patreon supporters. The ghosts in my house. What? Nothing. Oh, yeah, your house is full of

ghosts. I've been meaning to tell you about that. Oh my god, what? Is it? Yeah. Now you tell me. It's super haunted, right? your house is full of ghosts. I've been meaning to tell you about that. Oh, my God, what? Is it? Yeah. Now you tell me. It's super haunted, right? Your house? One or two. Really? There's a dude.

There's a dude? Wait, are we being serious right now? Did he watch you sleep? Oh, I want to talk to him. I totally want to find him. I'm ready to go. Do you guys ever hear the story of Sinclair Gass, by the way? This is my favorite haunted story.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Have I told you guys? Well, because he... So, if I could just science nerd for just a mini millisecond. Petroleum is old, like... It's called fossil fuels, right? Yeah. But it's really just old, crushed up plankton.

Like, it's not like dinosaurs. Okay. But back when Sinclair Gas gas was founded they didn't know that much science they were just like oh it's old it is old stuff that turned into gas so this guy owns sinclair glass he um went to a conference and he got fucking freaked out by it he was like you're telling me that's old mashed up dinosaurs that we're putting in our cars and like in our machines that's horrible so he put the dinosaur there as a reminder that we're putting in our cars and, like, in our machines. That's horrible. So he put the dinosaur there as a reminder that we're pumping ghosts into our cars. I just love that so much.

Like, it was a marketing thing, but at the same time, like, he would tell his employees, like, you know, just remember when you look at that dinosaur. It might be, you know, a cute little toy you can give kids who come to the gas station. It might be a fun little plaster dinosaur that kids can take photos with, but it's also the ghosts that we're putting in people's vehicles. Rich people are crazy. Yeah. What the fuck?

Dinosaur ghosts. That's Jurassic Park 12, by the way. And on that note, I would like to thank some Patreons. I have nothing to do with that story. Thank you, Spirit Botch. It's not related. The spirit. You were just talking ghosts. Thank you, Spirit Botch. What? I'm related. That's spirit.

You were just talking ghost to the spirit. I know, I found it while we were talking. Thank you, Gandalf's veiny taint. Oh, you're not veiny taint. Who's veiny taint?

You're not veiny taint. Be a doctor. Thank you. Thank you, Mukbang D&D number one fan. Mukbang D&D number one fan. Thank you, RJuckbangDND, number one fan. MuckbangDND, number one fan.

Thank you, RJMcReady. Sure, McGreedy. The thing. Thank you, April Valencourt. Thanks, April. Thank you. Happy Valencourt. And thank you, let's get a funny one.

Oh, thank you Blaine Kapatch's swollen prostate. Too soon. It's never too soon for Blaine and his swollen prostate. So you guys are currently in the middle of a mage college and you just interrogated a rogue student.

And I almost killed a goth. You almost killed this goth half-drow. I really wanted to. Yeah, you guys knocked her around a little bit because she was turning people undead and generally being evil. Just being kind of a shithead. Yeah. Just a general shithead. Really not a fun hangout.

Esmeralda tried to reason with her. She tried to headbutt Esmeralda because she didn't like, she felt condescended to. I mean, just goth stuff. You guys were refocusing your attention on the tree that is slowly growing inside the mage tower

because it could knock down the whole mage tower and bring about another tether to the moon, which will then crash into the planet. So off you go. And you guys are sort of slowly shedding NPCs, but Typha is still coming along with you, and she says to you guys, the sun's starting to come up now.

I just want to say I'm real sorry I didn't make you guys breakfast. I was going to prepare something. It's okay. It was awesome how you punched her in the face. I really like punching that evil wizard in the face. Are we still heading out to the woods? Yeah. You're kind of like going back on a campus from the woods where the instructors.

And then we're going to try to get to the... You're walking over to the mage tower. I thought we were going to try to get to the underworld to get to the instructors. And then we're going to try to get to the... You're walking over to the mage tower. Oh, I thought we were going to try to get to the underworld to get to the cloak. So you guys then would, I guess, stop at the edge of campus and realize you've got two choices. You can either, with what you know,

because right now you don't really have any College of Gastel people with you. All those NPCs are kind of off doing their own business. It was suggested to you that you go straight to the tower right maybe help maybe help with the trees but also felt like you're just kind of like being told well go do something we're all busy because some of the people with the most authority are either slaughtered at this point or rendered despondent so the ball is more firmly in your hands. You actually have, I would say, three options laid out in front of you in your

mission to stop the moon crashing. You could go to the tree. You could try to pluck that cloak out from deep in that cave that's halfway into another dimension, or you could go to another mage college. You've got a map. There's more. I would like to try to discover

the best way to destroy the cloak once we get it out. Okay. If there's anyone who has any advice on that. And I have a question about the book also. Sure. The book is... Master Tetched is the one who had flipped through through it and he's back in his quarters i'm gonna

say you you did kind of leave it but you can you can do a turn on a dime and go talk to him about it if you want to know more um i'll say the page that you have that i that i like gave you a print out of is all stuff you can remember yeah i just wanted to know about the the zinzerina short sword it says there's a whole little segment about that and about you want to go back and ask master stuff you can remember. Yeah, I just wanted to know about the Zinzerina short sword. It says there's a whole little segment about that. Do you want to go back and ask Master Touch about it? I'd say it'll just take a little bit of narrative fudging. No, it's fine. We'll just get on with it.

See, but it's that guilt that you have about going back. You could just forget it. We can retcon it. You can just say you were there and you asked him before you go. You don't have to worry about it. We can figure this out. Yeah, let's do that. Okay.

I'm breaking all the rules all the time. I just don't want listeners who are like, you walked away and you didn't do it. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before you go. That's how you sound, you guys. Dan is so... In your tweets and your Facebook posts.

I love Nate Polker. He just feels attacked. Always, I just want to make He just feels attacked. I always, I just, I want to make sure you guys know, I feel like I'm being martyred constantly. He does. I don't.

So, yeah, Master Touch is like, what do you, what is it you want to know about the short sword? Well, I had a, I, about,

it says here, the name of Zinzerina's blade is lost to all scholars, but the poison stored inside it was of a precise nature, so unusual that it blah, blah, blah. And then it's saying that they lost the blade and that it was sold to a dwarven merchant and the trail ran cold. And I just was curious, what is the deal with that blade?

Well, I believe that wouldn't have made it into the book if it was not a real blade. I believe that's evidence that this blade exists somewhere. And it was her it was in zarina's yes yeah and it casts it assembles its poison as it's going into the victim or something like that yeah it basically there's a summoning spell that was cast and because she was a minor deity she could be casting it while in combat and be able to concentrate there was a lot of strange things that deities would do in combat without having to lose concentration.

They could pull off things at once that a mortal can't. And how was Zinzerina killed by Lolth? He says, he kind of flips a few pages back from there, and he says it looks like some sort of dismemberment uh explosion i'm not sure it looks magical in nature um zinzerina was known for constantly taking the the mortal form just so she could murder people with her bare hands uh lulth is uh much more about manipulation and deception she enjoys murder too uh but um i think if she found out she was being betrayed by zinzerina like it says here uh

she would be very public in this execution and it was probably some sort of uh you know dragging zinzerina out uh and as the book says here annihilating her in front of many witnesses um which is why it seems pretty clear in the lore here that she's dead um and he says where do we think her body is and all that or where like where where was uh dessa trying to take the cloak do we know anything about he, this is where I'm starting to get confused myself. I'm looking at the book, and I'm listening to some of the stuff Dessa's saying, talking to Zinzerina. And Master Magnus, you remember a couple episodes ago,

had mentioned something about how gods may not be able to necessarily die. They just get banished. And Tetch says, I don't know if I share that view. die they just get banished and touch says i don't know if i share that view uh i feel like there's um maybe we misunderstood what zinzerina is exactly uh there's always been some debate over whether she is a true god or not and um something about this just feels off if des is talking to her and she wants to be born again that says something to me too well didn't when i when i breathed in that pollen wasn't it like i was hearing a message from zinzerina too yes you felt like you were being sort of given some very quick uh presentational ideas about

zinzerina about her blood being in certain places right okay so maybe that's related so now that we're back here can we talk oh she's asleep yeah uh she is asleep yeah but um he's like what do you want me to wake her up i can wake her up really easy i mean does that matter to anybody else do you know what i mean that that maybe that's how she was we did forget to ask her like oh you're talking to zinzerina, like, in what way? Correct. You could,

and he's like, by the way, it was nice of you to knock her out with a sleep spell. I can also knock her out with a sleep spell. It would not be hard to wake her back up and knock her back out

if you want to have another passive time. Let's get more info from her. And he says, yeah, let's do that because it's real fucked up what she did.

Yeah, when she wakes up, I want your face to be right in her face and you just got to be like, the second she wakes up, like. One more question for you. I'm going to do a real quick check.

Now, he doesn't think of it. But he wakes her up. I was going to see if he thought of doing something before he woke her up and he didn't. I got another question for you. You. Okay. What do you want?

How do you communicate with Zizarina? He said intimidatingly. Roll an intimidation check. Difficult to 10. Rawr. Yeah, you get that. She rolls her eyes and says, you're just going to make fun of me,

but it's drugs. Drugs? Yeah, man. Do you not know what drugs are? I just gave your uncle a Xanax, so I'm pretty sure. She says, oh, sweet. Can I have one?

I'm feeling real stressed out right now. What kind of drugs are we talking about? You know, what kind of stuff that gives you visions. Oh, sweet. Can I have one? I'm feeling real stressed out right now. What kind of drugs are we talking about? You know, what kind of stuff that gives you visions. Oh, yeah. Like some peyote. Maybe some mushrooms. Tom knows. Okay, so you do know drugs.

I went to college. Do you got some peyote? No, I don't got it. Where do you get it? That's what I was going to ask. Where do you get it? Yeah. That's what I was going to ask. Yeah, sorry. Where do you get it from? My friends give me the drugs.

Okay. It's special stuff that gets grown in a very special place. Is it like pollen? She goes, yeah, like pollen. Guess what? I talked to Zinzerina, too. She's like, no way you talked to Zinzerina. She says, prove it.

I repeat very dramatically, my blood is in the earth. Whatever. She rolls her eyes again and says, oh, okay, you found the tree. Whoop-de-doo. Oh, interesting. Okay. She says, you want to have a found the tree. Whoop-dee-doo. Oh, interesting. Okay.

She says, you want to have a real experience with Zinzerina? Reach up. There's little berries on that tree. Grind one of those between your teeth. Then we'll see if you really have a conversation with Zinzerina. Thanks for the tip, conk. Do you knock her out yeah sweet do a uh was the check i just had you do when you tried to knock her out bodhi i'm looking at my thing

i think we'll call that performance right performance check difficulty 10 because it's just fun if you don't do it yeah um 16 yeah great she clock i did just think we okay sorry yeah master touch goes yeah i could have cast a sleep spell on her that no i definitely wanted to do that yeah and another goose egg just starts rising on her head. You're abusing this lady. He says, oh, that's pretty interesting about the tree. I would definitely, when you go back, talk to Master Genndy about that and make sure she has it.

I'm a little concerned about the berries might be just plain old poison. He says, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't just do what the spy cultist told you for fun. I mean, she had mixed motives. I don't know if you thought about that. I want to give those a little test, Rudy. I mean, you seem like a very robust tiefling, and maybe you want to just see if your constitution roll goes as well as your friends did. I mean, I'm laughing like that's so ridiculous

that we would do that, but that totally is exactly what one of us is. Are you going to head over? I still do. Yes, let's go. So, fast forward, you guys don't really encounter any other NPCs as you walk over. You feel like the campus is really quiet and nervous. You only see a couple of students walking

around. And I would say would occur to you guys like oh yeah like again all the yeah archmage sermonic get completely annihilated um his blood is dripping down the walls of the second floor of the mage tower cool and um uh master magnus Master Magnus is now undead and nervously twitching in another master's quarters. Oh, look at that room. How you doing, Magnus? He's gone.

Can't ask him now. You head up. The charm spells that were cast on you a while ago still work, you realize as you head up to the floor with the tree. The door is open. You see a twinkling tree.

No sign of Master Gendi at first. What do you do? Call for him. Her? Her. Yes. Master Gendi. I'm in here.

Can we go in? Yeah. We tell her what we heard about the... Well, first let's hear what she... Before you do that, everybody do a Constitution saving throw. This is the pollen. Is she just in there breathing it? Did she not give us a heads up to not... Nope.

Okay. What am I trying to get? I'm going to say a 10. Got it. 14. 7. Gago starts gagging and starts spinning around in circles. Gago.

You see Master Gendi is sort of walking around with a dazed look on her face. She said, what? Oh, she... What's going on? Okay, we pull her out of here. Did he have any... Hmm? Did you fail?

Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. She just walked around. She took no precautions and just went in there? You notice her pupils are very large okay I pull her out of here as you guys do that

Tom all of a sudden you're underground whoa and it's very dark and you hear breathing and you lean forward and all of a sudden, your eyes focus.

And you notice you're face to face with a beholder. That's a problem. And it opens its mouth. And it starts to grin. And you hear a voice that you're sure is the beholder's voice inside your own head. And it says, I know where she is. Oh, I'll be holding. And you wake up.

Huh. Oh, it's over? Uh-huh. What do I see now? You see these guys are dragging Master Gendi, who's not putting up any fight, out of the room, back out onto the landing. Tom, did you have a vision?

You look fucked up. Your eyes are still glazed over. You smell beholder breath. It's okay, brother. Sit down. I'm going to need to take some of this stuff with me. Well, yeah. Do we see berries, by the way, on the tree?

Are there berries? You do. You do see what looks like kind of like hard berries. They almost look more like acorns, but there's little lumps and beads all over them on the branches. The ceiling is not visible. It's kind of behind a bunch of twisted branches and vines, and it just looks like this thing is sort of expanding out like an old potato.

There's just stuff growing out of this trunk in the middle of the room. You also... Everybody do a perception check and I'll tell you everything you notice about the room as you back out of it. Because you didn't really spend a lot of time in here last time, but I think you'd naturally kind of

be nervous now that you've seen when your buddies get. What'd you get, Brian? Do you need to know your bonus? Because I can tell you. Okay. No, no, no, no, 19. Oh, fuck.

You guys notice the following. You notice that the room has a familiar scent. room has a familiar scent uh esmeralda you notice it smells a lot like this sort of uh undead stink that you smelled back at the college of roque when things went haywire um you don't see anything the weird glowing color of uh sort of like yellowish green uh that made up the stalk, the big fungal spire thing that sprouted up out of the ground. You don't see that glowing bright yellow-green color anywhere in the room. But there is something weird and hushed

about the room. You feel like the room is becoming this weird sort of ecosystem. The pollen is so big and thick in the air that it just sort of... It feels like the room is so big and thick and in the air that like it just sort of it feels like um the room is being taken over and you do kind of like get this sense like oh is it gonna break out of this room is it gonna grow into the next floor is it gonna start sprouting somewhere else it feels very heavily infested with this growth in here and as you guys kind of back out of the room,

you notice there are large chunks of pollen floating out past you and into the stairwell. I'm not convinced about... Why am I not supposed to burn this tree down? Because it could be bad. It could explode and destroy everything. You notice Master Gendi, as you sort of bring her out, like, she goes kind of of like, not limp, but she has kind of a hard time standing for a second after you drag her,

and she just kind of finds it easier to sit, and her eyes are all pupiled over and dilated, and it just looks like she's maybe inhaled a few of these things in a row, so she's not snapping out of some sort of trance. Is there some way to test one of these big berries? There's probably all sorts of ways to test it. You also notice Gago is still in the room, flying around in circles. Gago, get out of there, Gago.

No, please, go get out. Typha. I'll go your mouth yeah you have like a pouch but but before you do that taifa puts a hand on your shoulder and says actually hang on a second she um goat she's got like one of those big uh terry gilliam and the holy grail a lot of backpacks just full of supplies and she pulls out like a pot and just says i'm just trying to scoop them up with this thing okay that's what i try to do great um are you gonna do anything else before you go in there no well what should i do uh at this point you you've noticed two different

friends go in there and inhale something and have a vision yeah so well i'm i said i was gonna cover my mouth yeah that's all you're gonna do is just cover your mouth oh you're far from the microphone far from the mic I do think Bodhi would be like I mean there's nothing bad about the vision so far though we've seen cool stuff maybe we'll learn more

like you I don't have a hood or anything, right? No. Is Gago just floating around in there? He's like bumping into the ceiling. I just go get him. All right. You're going to cover your mouth or anything? Yeah, I'll cover with my cloak a little bit.

Okay. Do a constitution saving throw. 20. Yeah, you're fine. So you go in there and you just... Natural 20. Do a... Let's call it a dexterity check

difficulty 10. Oh. Maybe roll that so it'll land on the actual tray. 15. Yeah, so you've managed to grab him by the wing and you just drag him out of there. His eyes are glazed over and he looks like

I mean he... Gago, what did you see? He's just like, Oh! Holy shit! He's not snapping out of it either. And do you want to try anything else to get him to wake up for either her or him? Well, I want to ask them both while they're still waking up out of a dream, while they still remember it.

They seem like neither of them are waking up. Oh, okay. In fact, you guys know enough, and maybe Typha would even chime in on this where you're like, we don't know how much Gendi took in and Gago might not have the metabolism to ingest this properly. He's so small.

Did you guys kill Gago again? Let's get him out and give him some water and air and smack him around. Go outside the tower? Oh, because you said Let's get him out and give him some water and air. Smack him around? Go outside the tower? Oh, because you said it's starting to float out into the hallway?

Yeah, I mean, in general. I'm going to grab some of those berries. I'm going to take him down a level. Okay. Tweet, can you sing a song of rest or healing or whatever? Yeah, I'll do that, sure. Look, it's like Bl, sure. This guy's like blades back. Pretty good. He manages to do it without a penalty.

So he doesn't need hit points, I guess. But, yeah, I would say they both snap out of it. So you're taking them both outside for fresh air? Well, if they're okay now, I don't think we need to necessarily, because we may need to do some more with this tree, but I do want to ask them what they saw. Gago tells you that he just had a vision that he was being chased around by this large hyena-looking thing,

and everything was dark, and it was really fucked up, and he didn't like it at all. And he just, he just sort of rambles like, Oh, I tried to go down the tunnel and then I tried to do this shit. And then this fucker was still chasing me.

I need to, the story just kind of goes on and on. And it just sounds like he was like in a chase. Uh, Gendy says she saw, um, some real, uh,

bizarre stuff that she's never seen before. She said she saw this place that was both very dark and very light at once. The ground seemed lit from beneath. The sky seemed pitch black. And there were rolling country sides of sort of strange grass, and there were voices, but she can't remember any of them. She said she felt like she was there for a really long time, and she asks how long she was out,

or how long it's been since you've seen her, because she feels like she's been gone for days hasn't been that long it's been less than an hour yeah yeah she says she she feels like this thing did something to her consciousness um did you okay so clearly we can't just breathe safely in there but also uh we tell her what we learned about the berry or that that's something with the berries so yeah and she said um you know uh i remember voices i couldn't tell you if that's exactly what i experienced but um you know if the cultists put that tree in there then yeah you probably don't want to ingest anything in there unless you want to i don't know join their cult

if any of you guys are interested in the recruitment speeches that you've heard lately you maybe go in there and chew on some berries but um uh she's like yeah we need to get rid of that tree and i'm not sure how i tried casting a simple dispel curse uh on there and didn't do anything. And I was trying to just detect what kind of magics were in there and it didn't take long before I accidentally inhaled something and everything just became a blur. I wonder if we can use our portal

gun to damage it? Yeah, either underneath it or if it was growing on top of it, just grow into a... But if there's some way to do that, to use it for that. That's the thing. If there's... If you can do necrotic damage to it,

something... Necrotic damage? What you talking about, Necrotic Willis? Something that would wither it. Oh, gotcha. Sure, sure. She says, I don't know what these staffs are you're talking about, but yeah, I mean, any kind of damage due to this tree, I would just be careful, I guess.

She's like, I don't know. I've never seen a plant like this before. It almost didn't seem like a plant. Almost seemed like a fungus of some kind. I mean, we could just go back to Bodhi's original plan of setting it on fire. Yeah. I'm still circling around that.

Gendi says, may I make one suggestion? Because I don't know if I should really, she's like, I'm getting a little nervous because I, again, maybe it's because I feel like I've been gone for days. But I feel like we need to do something fast. So if you do destroy the tree, maybe try to do it without being in the same room. Something tells me there's a lot of built-up power inside this tree

and we're you to damage it it might be like cracking open an egg all right so let's put a portal in the wall go outside and put another portal and shoot through it okay oh yeah I like that right Wavy-davy. Yeah. And a wall facing the tree. So we'll make a Molotov cocktail and just throw it through. All right. So who's doing this?

We can do better than Molotov cocktail, too. We can do fireballs and chromatic orbs. That's what I'm going to cast. Sure. So I'm doing the portal. You can do the portal. So where are you going to cast the first portal? A wall facing the focus. We can do it inside the room. Yeah, the portal. So where are you going to cast the first portal? A wall facing the focus.

We can do it inside the room. a wall inside there. Okay. I'm going to cover my face before I do that. So you go

into the room you cover your face and you cast the portal. Huh? You swing the quarterstaff like that and you point it at the tree?

Yeah. No, no, at the wall. At the wall in the room. Yes. So from outside, we'll shoot. At the tree. Got it. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, what were you going to say? I was going to say, if your other portals haven't closed yet... We'll see. Okay. So you cast against the wall, and a black tear opens up in the wall that looks sort of like a portal,

but then it starts to crack, and then it cracks along the floor, and it starts moving across the ceiling. Oh, perfect. And then it starts moving towards you and the doorway let's go away well then we should we should use my we should use my staff but okay let's go i tried to say that uh run geez yeah are you heading down the stairs yeah all right so uh what are you going to do about uh the npcs you're going. So what are you going to do about the NPCs?

Are you going to help them, or are you going to just kind of yell at them? Come with us. They know how to run. Run. Okay, so they run. Everybody do an athletics check difficulty of 10. He is flying, by the way, and he beats all of you outside. I got it.

Just short. So, uh, but I've got, I have that danger sense which helps me with this. That's what it is. It helps my athletics when I'm athletics when there's something going on and I'm running. Yeah, I'm looking that up right now. So... I feel like... It helps in my...

Right. You gain an uncanny sense of when things nearby aren't as they should be, giving you an edge to dodge away when danger. You have advantage on dexterity saving throws. Yeah, so. So I would say, what did you roll? You needed 10.

I was at 9. Oh, then you, yeah. Then you succeed. Does advantage mean you reroll twice? This is something I'm actually trying to understand about fifth or whatever the addition this is. Oh, you're right. I completely forgot. That is, you do roll twice and then this is something i'm actually trying to understand about fifth or whatever the edition this is oh you're right i completely forgot that is you do roll twice and take the better roll you got 30 so yeah you're right thank you for no and i'm only saying that because there was something on mine too that was like advantage what is that but well yeah and

that's exactly what advantage is you roll twice and take the better of the two rolls and i i simply saw the word advantage and forgot that that was a whole rule set. And then when you said that, it reminded me just how many people tweeted at me today that I don't know the rules of Dungeons & Dragons. See? No, no, but you saved me from weird randomness on the internet. So I would say, Bodhi, because you got that role, what that will do is get you the fuck out of there with everybody else. A black crack with dust kind of puffing out of it,

but looking as if it is a long, jagged portal in the ground follows you as you run down the stairs. And just as you guys get out the main door of the tower, you watch as it sort of dances across the ground back towards the instructor's building. Oh, it's connecting with the other portals.

Probably. Perhaps forming a large portal, you realize. It gets... I mean, do you do anything before I continue what happens next? Can't you do another one to try to close it? It's going to kill everybody, right? Jesus, Ken. Oh, because you were dicking around.

Just for the record, you guys tried so hard to make him this. No, but then I did come in and say, hey, wait, isn't it going to connect the other portal? That's why I thought we could do a reset with my portals. It is now getting, it has reached the woods. So should you do another one? What do you do? Because maybe that'll end it.

Do I want to aim one at the crack? The crack seems to be opening. It's about five feet across, and you just see blackness inside of it. And there's dust and pebbles that sort of are popping out as the ground opens up. You never want to overhear some magic item.

Oh, fuck. Master Gendi says, oh shit. Do you know what to do? No. What did you do? What is that staff? I use the staff so it's a portal staff? That's a portal of some kind, I think. Yeah.

I mean, it can't hurt to do it again, right? We might all die here in this anyway. Holy crap. Why don't you try your stick? Because I think mine will just restart the whole 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 situation. You hear rumbling from the mage tower. That's good. That is good, yeah.

He starts it. But I... I'll shoot a portal at the ground. Where at the ground? Far away. Next to the crack? Far away from us, right? How far away can they shoot it?

What is the range of it? Pretty far, because I did it with those guys. All right. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. I do the like... Everybody do a

Ryan just wants to know what's going to happen next. Everybody do a dexterity saving throw. Difficulty 10. Yep. None of you fall down

as the ground slams back together like a wound being stapled back together. And the ground shakes and you see a couple of students in the distance fall on their asses. Oh, good. Maybe somebody closed it for us. It seems that the sixth swing of this staff. Oh, he did do it. Yeah.

The sixth swing of this staff. Oh, he did do it. Did not open a new portal, but closed all of the opening areas. See? That's what I thought. Way to go. I'm never listening to you again. You also hear groaning rock coming from the mage tower. Yeah, it's probably going to fall over.

And there appears to have been massive structural damage done to this thing. And it doesn't look stable. Good. And I'll just, I think you may have already seen this drawing, but just as, I think it kind of puts it into perspective, it's a very tall tower. And it's collapsing.

It's groaning and creaking. Okay, so we're yelling, everybody get clear very tall tower. And it's collapsing. It's groaning and creaking. Okay, so we're yelling, everybody get clear of the tower. And just for funsies, everybody do one more dexterity saving. Yep. Great. 20.

Tui says, I'm still flying. You guys both rolled 20. So you guys do a very cinematic sprint away as the mage tower collapses. Like bad boys, too. And you notice after it collapses, you don't see anything particularly magic happening. I guess that's good.

You do kind of feel like there's a lot of... You remember from the previous evening when you went to bed, you heard about there was going to be some magical security spells popping and clicking and making strange echoing noises while you were trying to sleep and not to be disturbed by it. You feel like maybe some of that goes off in the air as some of the magical protections surrounding the tower deactivate as the tower is no more.

Master Genndy comes to a stop. Does it disappear or does it all just fall over? She explains to you, like you like yes those are magical spells that are being deactivated now that the tower is it's it's a pile of rubble you see furniture sticking out of it good no tree um no tree the tree was in the bottom was in the bottom third of the tower so you're not sure where think we did a pretty good job of stopping that. That was very random. At the very least, you know from just intuition,

you created a large rift in seemingly space and time next to the tree. Next to the tree. You're not sure exactly how that affected the tree. We should probably go check the rubble for the tree, right? Yeah, okay. Alright, time to go dig through some rubble. So, Master Genndy

tries to get some students to come over and you guys do some basic excavation. I hope nobody died in there. I hope nobody died in there or not too many people. Well, as you guys walk over there, Genndy's like, yeah, I mean, on the bright side, none that I knew.

I mean, it was clear of students as far as we could tell. That's good. And it only takes a few minutes for digging before one of the students says, someone come over here and look. And he points and there is this weird just sort of almost just looks like a tree's corpse uh but it doesn't look that different from the weird weird ass corpsey fungal tree you saw inside but now at the light of day is kind of beginning to peek over the trees and it's hitting what looks like part of the tree uh so i rolled i rolled i rolled i rolled a 20 for just the students finding something so they find part of the tree

basically does it seem dead they're like we don't know and uh you notice there's no pollen yeah so that seems good um i cut a piece of the i like carve off a piece of the tree eat it eat it okay nothing crazy happens like sap there's something no although a fungus comes to mind again it almost feels like you're cutting into a large mushroom it just sort of gets

makes this weird sticky schlopping noise as you cut a piece of it off like foam okay yeah set it on fire sure just to be safe yeah yeah what are you gonna set on fire with the spell sure just to be safe yeah yeah

what are you gonna set on fire with a spell or with a yeah fireball or flint and steel fireball I wanna know how you're setting on fire

because something you know interesting well if it's like a portobello let's just put some oil on it and then light it on fire some olive oil like

type of probably has some rub it with sage some accelerants Well, if it's like a portobello, let's just put some oil in it and then light it on fire. Some olive oil. Typha probably has some accelerants. Maybe we got oil. We can throw oil on it. Yeah, Typha's got plenty of oil in her bag. All right. Here you go, guys. And then Tui has fireballs that he can send at them. Yeah, let Tui do it.

All right. How close are you going to be when you use this? Not close. It's almost like I prompted that sort of response. As far away as possible. yeah let's tweet it how close are you going to be when you not close it's almost like I prompted that sort of response as far away as possible you guys light her up should I put a portal next to it and shoot it through the portal never again

and what are you going to do fireball then you said yeah you managed to get with the help of a dozen or so students, pull the rubble apart enough so part of it is exposed. And when you fire the fireball at it, it immediately lights up. And the flame is huge.

It's like a gas-powered lamp. You just go straight up. And it makes a loud howling noise and stays lit several stories straight up into the air like a gas lamp a giant gas lamp in the middle of the rubble called Red Adair that's an older reference

than anybody's ever made we all dance around like it's Burning Man and it's just continuing to burn it seems to be burning like some real great fuel it's just burning burning burning this world walk away walk away okay we're done gago where's the fairway oh yeah how's gago uh gago says i feel so fucking hungover, you guys. That sucked dick. Not in like a fun way like I usually do it. So you guys stand there and sort of admire it for a second. And Typha says, you guys want to get that cloak or what?

Yeah. All right. Huh? The fuck we don't cool so you're gonna head back out there yeah yeah um all right hey uh esmeralda what what else you're anything else to say right ignore the fact that the vape pen just committed a crime no uh what were you thinking there is marla oh um i don't know we got we got a little we got a little sidetracked we couldn't talk about hallucinogenics without somebody having some fun um i was gonna i was gonna ask about peter and where he was he was so useful before um so uh master gendy who's kind of with you says uh oh you know he he went back to the student

storms but if you want we can no no i just as long as they have they i want them to have good people on hand here too because who knows what's about to happen before we go into the depths of the yeah well again feywild gendy says, other than the fact that we have this weird, magical, psycho-looking, freaky fire where our most precious building used to be, things are looking brighter, I guess? Look, things happen.

Yeah, she's like, Gotta crack some eggs. I'm less nervous, I guess. It's kind of a relief to know all the horrible things that were just happening in that tower

are gone there was you know you do still have an undead issue do we tell her about Magnus ask your party mates

about that one do we talk to Magnus about do we tell anybody about Magnus and what's going on with so

yeah she I will tell you you know she doesn't know about Magnus and what's going on with so um yeah she i will tell you you know she doesn't know about magnus being undead okay i feel like we should give people a heads up because he's alone or he's with trusta tested tusta dessa no well yes dessa but also touched touched yeah so um before we just take off i'm'm saying. Are you going to tell Genndy that he's undead? No, no. I was just going to say, heads up. Dessa has

some very powerful magic that she shouldn't have. She's under Tetcha's watch right now. She cast a pretty bad spell on Magnus and they're definitely going to need some help out there so you guys do need to be you know

things are not over right now she kind of narrows her eyes and is like wait she's casting spells you need to go talk to Tetch about it he'll fill you in we need to get going to the Feywild she's like alright you want me to head back and help the other instructors you're

trying to get me back there. All right, that sounds fine, but do me a favor. And, um, if you, if you do find the cloak,

only destroy it. Um, I'm going to wear it. I mean, like, yes, that's our plan. Uh,

she says, okay, good. uh, you know, I, I'm worried because there were a lot of really powerful magical artifacts just in the mage tower. And we're going to have to be very careful digging them out.

Oh, right. Hey, did you know about the cloak? No. Do I believe her? Do I believe her? Roll an insight check. Difficulty 10. No.

You believe her. I think she's telling the truth, but some... No. You would gain additional insight. That's all you would have gained if you had made the... Okay. But she says, No, I didn't know anything about the cloak until you told me.

Did you see any other magical artifacts in the tower did Dessa get her hands on anything I know that was a concern of ours we've taken it out of her hands don't worry about it you have it? it's safe which one?

the magic bone that's what I'm calling it. What's it called? I can help you, but if you tell her that, she's going to say I have no idea what you're talking about. The ivory of the beholder. The ivory of the beholder. Oh, she says, please let me have that back.

I think we might need it in our quest. She says that is too powerful. It needs to have a vigil put over it. What are you going to do with it? You're going to put a vigil over it? We're going to... We're going to put a vigil over it? She says, I hope that one day

we have somewhere not only as secure, but more secure than the mage tower, and that we can protect against people using it. Why uh what is so powerful about it uh it casts curses that are so unholy that they could ruin a person's life in a way that's far worse than death so can i please please be its guardian as it is technically the responsibility of the College of Gostin?

Well, I don't really want to get into that, but if it was your responsibility, it's kind of awkward that this, you know, teenage... Can they roll to see... She takes a very deep breath and says, you'll forgive me that I was not in charge of the College of Gostel. It's not you, not obviously. I have no offense towards you.

And you also forgive me. Did you tell her that Magnus is undead? No. We just said that he, a very powerful spell had been placed. She says, you know, Magnus and Ketch and I will have to discuss who's going to take over the overseeing of this entire college if we need to contact other wizards from other areas

to help us rebuild but I don't know you well enough to in good conscience let you walk away with the ivory of the beholder that wand is thousands of years old let you walk away with the ivory of the beholder. That wand is thousands of years old, and I don't know if you should have it.

I am afraid we might need it. What we're trying to do right now is save our entire planet from destruction, but I'll tell you what. After we get back from the Feywild, I will stop by, and if we no longer need it or it didn't come up, I'm happy to... Look, I'm a scholar myself, and I'm not interested in just keeping things for personal gain. But I'm afraid that we might need this.

Well, you've definitely earned some experience points, but you should roll for a persuasion check regardless. You're going to need a 10 if she's going to let you. Yes, 19. Okay, so instead of calling Piotr over, she says, I'm going to make sure someone heads out to help you very soon.

And she turns her back on you and walks off to the instructor's cabin. Okay. So, she seems and she turns her back on you and walks off to the instructor's cabin. That's funny. Okay. So she seems very wary of you guys being in possession of this thing, but she does not. Is she kind of bitchy about it or is that just me? We're having a bit of a... Nothing, go ahead.

No, I want to know what you were going to say. No, no, no. I just was saying like, yes, she was, but I mean, I don't think I was super nice about it either. I think that's okay. I mean, like imagine, you know imagine any teacher after the school burns down just being like, well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I get it.

I think all these majors are going to have an air of pretentiousness, and there's just no two ways about it. They let their school fall apart. Well, we kind of did this to the tower, but yeah. I tried to set it clear. The stakes are at the end of the world. They let it start, and they let their students go goth. Oh, yeah, no. That fucking shit up.

Wait, you say you shouldn't allow goth in any school? No. It's a problem. When you looked at the bone wand, it was sparkling, right? It was like not, it wasn't cursed, exactly. It was enchanted or something. It had the colors of curse mixed in with all sorts of fun stuff. Right.

Okay. Cool. So she backs away and says, again, just to be clear. All right. Send someone who knows how to destroy the cork. She says, I would just like to tell you what you have there

a little bit more. I would love to hear. Thank you. We're talking dismemberment, insanity, and death. And there's no telling, unless you know exactly what you're doing, what's going to happen when you point it at someone. So just to be aware of that. Okay.

I mean, I do want to stress again that I took this out of the hands of Dessa. And now she truly gets passive aggressive. No, does she understand that Dessa had it before me? I mean, like, at that point she goes, oh. And she gets really embarrassed and says, I see. And walks away looking real fucking humbled. Okay, cool. That'll do. Okay. That'll do.

Okay. That'll do. Yeah, no, because she thought you just found it when you were up there, and she was not completely clear. Yeah, that's humbling enough. I said, huh. So you guys head out, and...

I'm going to say... Will they find the place? I wish Blaine was here to sing a little song. Huh? Oh, should Okendoink sing us off on our adventure? Last you saw him, he was sleeping in the visitor's dorm. Maybe he... You don't think the mage tower falling down woke him up?

Let's roust him for a song to send us on a journey. Yeah, he should give us a goodbye song. So you look over your shoulder and you do see there is a very tall, gray-skinned creature that is sort of leaning against a tree stump near the dorms where you were sleeping. Is that him? You think it's Okendoink in the distance. Yeah. All right.

So you think that would be nice For everyone Wake him up Give him a copper Okay We wake him up No he's awake He got woken up by the tower falling This is the last time you saw him

We need a song to set us in a very way he says oh hey it's good to meet you guys what's going on what's the big

deal here you want a song to like send you off are you asking me to cast a charm on you or something

we really just want to hear one of your songs one of your best songs that you've probably practiced in your

apartment house. You worked on it alone. Hobble. Yeah, you know, we just want to. He's like, well, I got a couple, you know, that it's really hard to sing when the engineer's walking around playing with mic cords and banging them against windows and shit. But, what? Thanks for the two-minute warning, asshole. So, yeah, yeah.

I got a couple of songs are real popular at college gospel we got one about um let's see we could do one do you want one about uh I can't tell if Brian's excited or annoyed I'm annoyed you want one about Brian's having a good time you want one about love or about smoking weed

oh my god love he cracks his knuckles and he takes out a lute and he says alright it's definitely like bizarre for this giant being to be singing a song in broad daylight when people are picking through revel looking for survivors but he

seems completely unfazed he and it's professional uh he says um this is a song called uh even necromancers Get Some. Here we go. Don't know how to cast a charm spell, the metaphoric kind. But how do I find a scroll? I'm in such a bind. They're half the population But I think I lost my mind

Or at least my face looks Like a melon rind You know just what I mean Lawful good, but she loves a creep How does that alignment track? how can I not weep if I'm kind of awkward and maybe not even deep does it mean that I'm stuck marrying this sheep and even necromancers get some. Not undead, but quite alive. Even though they are abominations,

their girlfriends make them pies. They're liches and they're monsters, murderous old guys. Even necromancers get some so why can't I why can't I and then he finishes his song

so cool but he likes Mr. T Experience too oh my god I don't know what you're talking about that sounds like something from another plane of existence that I can't quite what you're talking about. That sounds like something from another plane of existence that I can't quite catch on to. But, you know, I do feel like I am from this place called the Berkeley Coast.

You're getting a PhD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also feel like, you know, I do sing like humorous sort of parodies of other songs. So, you know, it's just sort of might sound familiar, but that's why I'm just sort of a light entertainer. Like, Oh,

and I don't know if you guys noticed, but, um, what? Bodhi just walks away. Okay. Uh, as you walk away,

just want you to know you have a protection against undead spell cast against you now, uh, because you sat through that whole song. Oh, that's a big deal. yeah, yeah sat through that whole song. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. No problem, buddy. I give him some money. Do you really? Yeah.

I'm going to give him a... I don't know what kind of money I have. He says, Oh, you don't have to give me money. I'm already getting paid like 500 gold by the college for being here. 500 gold? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It said it was emergency.

Because they probably needed to rebuild the tower. If I was classy, I'd probably give it back. But I'm not going to do that. I've got to make a living. Okay, fair enough. Well, thank you. I'd still like to give you just a little tip. A cash tip, not an advice.

He's like, all right, that's cool, thanks. Do you guys need a bard? No. Cool, because I got a lot of songs I can just play. And I'll say at this point, Twee says, hey, what if you got fucked? And he just flies back towards the forest.

You really do a pretty good Blaine. I gotta gotta say i'm scared to ever not be here myself listen to the episode well i did play a character that you created for a year and a half i guess i i know you're not doing a me though right no yeah no i think that would have been horrifying that's what i'm saying so this is that's the difference okay sorry so that was a beautiful send-off. Thank you. And now, to the Feywild. Is that what it's called? Yes. To the Feywild.

Episode 16. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also uh send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening