Nerd Poker - Episode 18 - Baron Wasteland

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

It's time to explore the main deck of the scientific observatory that turned into an airship, so you better believe our heroes are hungry for loot and answers. As they approach the very spot they stood at Episode 1 of this Cloddenheim adventure, the odds also increase that they'll stumble upon a frustrating gnomish riddle or two.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.

I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Episode 18 of season three. My friends are here. All of them. Yay. Every here All of them Every single one of them I'm just kidding Brian burned a lot of bridges this week Chris

Sarah Ken Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. And the only guy wearing headphones at the end of the table. Nice new glasses, too. His name is Sam, you guys. Hey, birds. He's listening to something else.

Sam, what was it I tweeted he's working on some spinoff I think you were doing a Game of Thrones recap yeah I did a Game of Thrones joke he was like how about birds they got birds I'm curious if the show has birds well you know what dragons I guess are technically birds

because they're like dinosaurs which evolved into birds and they literally fly like birds they do they do that and they also breathe fire like dinosaurs and birds i would like to thank some patreons that go by the name of kyle shockman thank you kyle thank you thank you zeem zam zam thank you thank you thank you party with pizzy thank you party with pizzy a little plosive uh thank you moister than an oyster dash brad look that's my moister than an oyster it's brad thanks brad and uh what a bad rhyme in a great way thank you uh last but but not least, Slushy Sloth.

Thank you, Slushy Sloth. Slushy Sloth. Slushy Sloth. Slushy Sloth. Slushy Sloth. I don't know if you guys heard, but my tongue fell off. When last we were

out of these back then. He never left. The voice is coming from inside the narrate. What? Last time on NerdPoker, our heroes sailed their boat through the icy storms, looking for the former sky home of Baron, Baron Puzzlegig, the honorary baron i should say he crashed it into an

iceberg they discovered it was many many feet above the northern seas the the the one side of it kind of broken open a little bit a big magical pink bubble thing creating a dome protection over the top of this skyship, over the observatory, which you eventually found after flying Dr. Uid up to the broken area, leaving him on a ledge overnight

because Queep couldn't fly so good. You eventually got the whole party through the back end, discovered some gears created by beings from the Modron dimension. And in our final moments, you had peeked open through a door and you found inside this door, skeletons, dust, and tilted at a 45 degree angle, the remains of the observatory

where you blacked out in episode one. Glad to notice. Hey, so TikTok. Yes. I am going to give you a special offer for a foggy memory check. if you remember we did this in

like episode two or three yeah i kind of it's kind of about it's about people trying to remember an area uh for the most part you haven't gotten outside the observatory so you haven't needed to remember much but being frozen for 10 years has organically created difficulties for your memory so i'm gonna have you do if you remember this is a uh add your wisdom and your charisma modifier to a dice roll and subtract two cool would it be interesting to know ahead of time that both of those equal plus zero i think so all right okay so I rolled a 14. So that minus 2, so that's a 12. So, you know, it's not terrible.

You're going to remember some basics. It's not great. You know what? Bless you. Bless you. Thanks, guys. I cast but you remember a little bit of the preparations

for this event that the Baron was having. remember a little bit of the preparations for this event that the Baron was having. You remember there were a few tables. They all had steel bars. Yeah, there was. There was some sort of thing to hold on to. You can see, peeking through this door still,

there are tables bolted to the floor. You remember there were treasures bolted to the floor uh and you remember there were treasures hidden for all the adventurers that's right underneath the table i tried uh and you you know that there could possibly still be treasures hidden for them uh you you remember uh next to the podium there uh was supposed to be an escape hatch in case of an emergency yeah because that's where the weird panel and stuff was so could we in theory like sort of spelunk from a attached table to attach table to sort of form like some kind of

ropey ladder thing down yes and the angle you're currently at uh i'm gonna reverse it for myself but it is this angle this is the ground right now so it's like 45 degrees it is 45 degrees and uh everything is this is you looking out the door so you're gonna have to traverse this way and you see the tables kind of bolted deeper into the observatory. You're kind of looking out of a far end of this room. You're sure this was some sort of maintenance stairwell that led down into the bowels of the observatory boat. Okay. And this door is not commonly used,

but you can see sort of across the tables, there is the podium where you stood next to the Baron when he was giving his sort of dinner speech. So can I point out the queep and sort of point across there and say, can you fly to that? Yeah, I'd be happy to. So like, let's say we attach a rope to that guy

while he flies over there. Sort of create a system of ropes between podiums. Unless anybody thinks there's a better way to go. That's great. I love it. You've got just enough ropes where you can... I'm just going to ride my BMX bike over there. You can't get... You can't get to all the tables,

but you can connect enough across in one go with Queep, of course, where you could untie them and maybe get to all the tables eventually, but you can create a straight line that goes across the table that these four were at and then eventually to the podium does that sound good to everybody i mean we can absolutely once we get that set up we can set up yeah whatever this honestly feels like a ropes course like there's gonna be trust falls

and stuff while we all learn to you know rely on each other oh man i'm the I smuggled chocolate to camp. I'm going to have everybody do an athletics check. All right. No one necessarily has advantage or disadvantage, but if you know you have some sort of bonus to this, definitely check in with your sheets. Seven with my big bonus. Oh, boy. I had an 11 with my big bonus. Oh, boy.

I had an 11 with my bonus. Ten with my bonus. With my bonus, I rolled a ten. You guys all have terrible checks. Yeah, because I have a big bonus. You are terrible. Well, yeah, Ken, tell us about your big bonus. I have a pretty big bonus. It's more than two.

I'll say that much. You guys all grab a hold of this rope and you try to go across. Kweep, are you doing the rope or are you just trying to flap around? I'll fly it. I'll try to fly it. Okay. By flying, I'm giving you a much lower difficulty. So it's okay that you rolled terrible athletics because you don't really need to roll it.

The only thing is I'm not going to let you fly forever without getting tired because you're fully armed, and eventually you're just going to need to either take a break or take a penalty to how fast you can go and stuff like that. But right now, there doesn't appear to be anyone here. You three start making your way across, and Darkthor, you can get a little bit ahead of everybody, if you want.

Well, I'll take the lead, but I'm not going to. So it's pretty dark. There's a slight glow for the magical dome, but you can see that there was supposed to you know be a different kind of dome here originally and this one almost seems thicker more opaque more protective you remember there was like this magical clear uh view of the pepper green countryside the last time you were here and now it it is thick pink, yellow, orange swirls. And as I described last episode,

kind of oily almost the way it's like a big bubble. It seems like it's on the surface. Yes. It's really pretty. Is it the same width? Is it smaller? Like, is it a dome definitely meant to fit inside of the one that existed before?

It looks like it may have replaced the barrier that was there before or have it's the same barrier made thicker somehow okay you notice there are uh off to the side at the bottom of the slope at least five or six skeletons um there's one skeleton that uh still has some clothes attached to it that is sort of like slumped over a table proportion. I mean, and I'm looking at those. Does that seem proportionally right?

The same number of people who were in this room? No, there are fewer bodies than there were people in this room when you were last. Okay, so there were survivors. It would appear they're either survivors or bodies were moved out of the... And we fell out, right? Yeah, and you can see the damage.

Dr. U had observed when he was stuck out on that ledge that the bubble kind of extended a little bit, and there's not an opening at the end, but you can see where there's been massive damage, and it looks like the ground is slightly smashed on the other side of the observatory, which is effectively like an airship. And not that dissimilar instructor from a giant boat or a Zeppelin with like an undercarriage of a boat. I love Zeppelin. How familiar you guys are with, say, you know, fantasy airships and such.

But this is a variation on it where it's not unlike a boat, but instead of any kind of sail, it has a glowing bubble, and you guys are on the deck right now. I say a prayer to Valkyr for all of the skeletons and dead people. Why don't you do a religion check? Is that how a pastor speaks?

I say a prayer for the dead people. Don't do it now. Save it for the morning after. I pour a prayer for the dead people. Hey, don't do it now. Save it for the morning after. I pour a potion out for my guys. So that is what I said, probably. Hey, Skelly.

It's a prayer. Sorry about that. You don't feel any spark of recognition or anything. It's the thought that counts. Literally was just about to tell Darkthor what he saw in the lead

as he stepped out of the room. So Blaine, have you any... Just making sure that God wasn't going to be in there. So, Blaine, have you any... Making sure Doug wasn't going to pee in there. This is brought to you by Trader Joe's Soft Baked Cookies. You got some snickerdoodles, Baxter Foodles,

Clarkafides, Bop-a-Wopas, all made of 100% dog shit and no parking! Trader Joe's Soft Baked Cookies. Doctor, as you edge across the second table, getting closer to the podium and the table where you once sat, you do notice it looks like the floor has been smashed open and clawed around. The floor, the floor, the floor has been smashed and clawed.

We don't need no water. Let the motherfucker pass. I love when Blaine interrupts me, then Peters out. It's like, oh, no, you take the... No, all right. Hold on. We have my wife on the phone. Hello, honey.

How you doing back there? Jesus, take the wheel and steer us into a ditch. So you make it across a couple of... And yeah, these little smashed open sort like like divots by the table look like uh you know i'm assuming you guys are conferring this to each other i'm kind of you know filling in what could have been dialogue but it's it's you know you these were meant to be treasures for the heroes and it looks like they've been dug out okay so this place has been harvested yes when you make it to the final table where you guys all sat you notice there are still is my phone there for locked

compartments around the table let's pick us And there's a Starbucks cup. Do they have like a... I'm sure there's one for me over here somewhere. Do they have names on them or are they... You actually do remember there was supposed to be some sort of moment for you, but you're not quite sure what. It's okay, guys. You go ahead. You look around and you think you can see something written on the sort of floorboards in the common tongue. At the table they were at?

Uh-huh. In the floorboards? Holy shit. Okay. At the table there. You see there used to be chairs here but they they've all tipped over um you remember there being some sort of uh bolts maybe attaching them but maybe it was magic and that's why the chairs aren't here anymore you guys are kind of just going from kind of but the the little the little surfaces say queep halseen that's my name the first one dark third

Queep. Halcine. That's my name. I'm the first one. Dargther. That's you. Doctor. And you see one kind of burned and smashed open and you can barely make out talk. Okay. On the side of it. That's already been raided? That one looks like it has been destroyed.

Oh. Actually, do an insight check. Yes, sir. Dan, with a roll of three and my plus zero, that'll come out to a three. It's been rated, you think? Yeah. All right, open them up. Can we?

Can we? Are they? Just kind of reach and touch them, and they're not. There's no obvious handle. You just sort of see this outline that wasn't present on any of the other raided areas. I guess I don't understand. So it's like they're wooden floorboards and you see like a cut around them and a name on it and a hinge. Okay.

But there's no handle and you touch it and nothing happens. Press down on it. It doesn't pop open. No. What about trying to wedge something under there? Nope. What about knocking? What about putting both

of your feet on it? What about saying open sesame? Oh yeah, open. We got to say that first every time. I'll do a dex check, open. We gotta say that first. Every time. Do a dex check, Halcine. Eleven? Yeah, you just can't quite get it open. Does it seem like there's no seam there?

Just an outline? I say Halcine. Is it magical somehow? I got it guys. I solved one of Dan's riddles. I say Halcine. Only yours opens. Yeah and inside you see a shield. Oh cool.

Darthur. He snuck it in. He couldn't wait. I am going to tell you what it looks like, but you're not quite sure what's going on with it. It looks like a giant white dragon scale. You kind of have to lift and pull it up to really get a sense, but it's much bigger than you expected.

It's just wide enough to fit in the compartment. It's a white dragon scale shield? Yes. It is a white dragon scale shield. Cool. It might be a sled. Anything. Could it be a sled? It could be a great sled. Is anything else in there? No. I'll see.

The door goes creak alright guys creep the door goes creak you see in creep's compartment there are a couple of

a cuttlefish and a mirror a furry topped boots designed for bird feet that have the bottoms of the boots that have what looks like terrain spikes

on the bottom of it. So you can do a roadrunner. Go up the side of a mountain. of it. So you can do a roadrunner. Go up the side of a mountain. Love it. Cool. And then you're done, right? You guys, no one else is going to... He said his name.

I said it earlier. He said it. I was ignoring you because I don't have headphones. You see a short sword with runes carved along the blade. Oh, it's runed. It's not that short. It's a Freddy Stoller sword. What are the runes carved in?

Great question. It is... I got it at Jimmy Yow's shortened sword. Do you want to... You can examine it yourself or he can examine it. I'm not going to take his sword away from him but if I see the run, do you want to... You can examine it yourself, or he can examine it. Well, I'm not going to take his sword away from him, but if I see the runes, I just want to... Do an insight check.

Ooh. 18. Some sort of underdark language. Oh, okay. I don't know what that means. Okay. That's a good roll. That's cool, though.

Yeah. And Dr. Ewood. That's cool, though. Yeah. Dr. Ewig. Dr. Ewig. Yeah, he's got a telephone call at the front desk. You find two heavy gauntlets with insect-like claws that come out of the ends of them.

Finally! I saw heavy gauntlets open for insect claws. Amazing. I saw heavy gauntlets open for insect claws. Amazing. Oh, God. I saw them. Adam and a swarm of ants. Insect gauntlets.

Yep. Is this like a praying mantis kind of a thing? You know, do an insight check. This is reminding me of that Spider-Man that we found in the first game. Didn't we take stuff from him, like a translator thing that we never used? The first episode?

No, that's all part of this. Yeah, we still have his stuff. Yeah, we never used it, though, did we? You think it might be some sort of underground creature's claws. But they fit me? Oh, yeah. They fit real good.

Like an insect glove! But they do have a sort of chitinous exoskeletal quality to them. There's moist oysters all over it. There's dark purple and black. And they fit my hands like gloves. Oh yeah. They look designed for a half-elf. So there are devices like these for every

other person that was in this room. The rest appear to have been either raided or opened. Did you say your name? This party had great swag. Mine has been destroyed. I mean, I'll say it. TikTok. Yours is violently open.

Yeah. More so than anyone else's. It was probably a flashlight. Hey, sometimes people don't have a choice, okay? Oh, God. It was probably a flashlight. Hey, sometimes people don't have a choice, okay? Oh, God. I'm just saying, Brian was very quick to judge. I'm just glad Billy didn't defend that one.

Billy. Oh, God. He just remembered what you did, didn't he? So, yeah, are you going to go all the way to investigate? I think we should go to the control panel. Does that make sense to anybody? The control panel is behind the podium. Right, the podium.

Yeah, there's supposed to be like an escape hatch down there. I'd like to examine the skeleton that has clothes on still to see if I can identify, does it look familiar? So you maybe need Que queeps help for this but you attach a rope to get over there um i won't make you roll again it's i mean there's flying there's right now like it's very treacherous and i assume you guys are being careful and it's yeah yeah but it's it's it's not so treacherous that the people as strong as you guys can't just sort of carefully. Yeah, you get over there. It's a dragonborn.

It's wearing armor still. And you notice it has a very long knife pinning it to the table. It wasn't visible from a distance, but it looks like it was stabbed into the table and left there. And does it look like it's been here as long as the other skeletons or was it maybe after that? Do an investigation check. Why don't you try that again without having it land in a little pocket? That's a 14. Nice.

It seems like it's been here for at least a few years. It looks like it's almost mumm at least a few years. It's, it looks like, uh, it's almost mummified a little bit from the cold. It's long, long dead. Uh, you see a little bit of evidence of scuffles on the table. It looks like there was probably a fight here at one point when the tables

were as they are now sort of at this, not sure. Um, okay. Although why don't I have everyone do an insight check you've all been kind of looking around now 18 good 14 13 14 13 so dr uid you uh you know, you get a basic sense this thing got hit with part of the comet and went careening

off to the north Dr. Uyghur, you pieced together this thing was probably airborne for a while after it got hit by the comet to make it this far and you also pieced together these people probably survived here for a little while and you get an impression some kind of fight broke out or some survivors

died, some didn't, some might have gotten thrown like you guys did for a little while and you get an impression some kind of fight broke out or some survivors died some didn't some might have gotten thrown like you guys did uh why don't you do an arcana check with that 18 uh 18 plus 5 is this is correct 23 i'm sorry 23 you think that this thing was in a sort of passive, observational, jaunty mode when it got hit and you guys were thrown. And so when the comet hit the flying observatory, you guys got thrown because the shield got knocked out. But some sort of backup generator kicked in and made this more defensive shield. But you think in the impact, other heroes might have also been thrown

while there was no magical protection for the observatory. Okay, so there's other survivors on the ground, maybe. True. Or they could have been frozen in that mountain with you guys. You did think you saw some forms frozen in that glacier that you guys were stuck in way back in episode one and two. So, you know, there's other things that could have happened. Interesting. Mm-hmm.

So is there anything else of note in this room other than... Oh, you wanted to check out the control panel. Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out if there's any sign of the... I mean... So you go to the podium. I was like wrestling with the Baron when this happened. Yeah, you were trying to adjust the control panel. So you go over there and you see the control panel.

It's not familiar to you. He kept this sort of a secret from you. You'd seen it, but you thought it did more scientific things, not mechanical operational type things. Right. So why don't you do an investigation check while you try and figure out what the hell's going on with this podium? Ooh!

Dan, that's a four. I am the worst. It's real dumb looking. I mean, you play with it. It's not responding. Some of the buttons and levers are stuck and seem inoperable. I feel like every time I roll when it comes to history in the

ship, it's just horrible. I'm just like I'm not supposed to know what the hell happened. You know what? About that? Uh-oh. Sarah's pulling out her spell cards. No. It's not that good. I thought I could help you a little bit, but I can't

help myself. What were you going to try? I was going to bless him, but it only works... It gives him a bonus on attack rolls and saving throws, is going to bless him, but it only works, it gives him a bonus on attack rolls and saving throws, but not... Yeah, he's unfortunately... Thank you, though. That's pretty thoughtful.

Yeah, I mean, you know that the escape hatch is about five feet behind the podium on the ground. And does that appear to be activated or anything like that? It's closed. There's a big sort of steel ring uh it's not big big but like it's it's big enough that creatures of a variety of races could lift and pull it up including a little gnome but anybody think this is worth checking out it looks like it has not been discovered so sure let's look well wait can i

look at the the long knife that was stabbed through the guy? Is there anything unusual about it? Insight check, please. That is a 14. It's definitely a vicious looking knife. Shit. This knife was surprisingly left behind you think perhaps this guy was alive and he was pinned here yeah do you have uh dr do you have detect magic at all i do do you want to try that

out in this room maybe yeah love to okay uh remind me what the radius and such is will you get your spell card out so we can talk about that uh do you leave your spell cards in uh your diaper bag spell cards i think they're still out in the aztec i can look this up too all right i had a hundred for a second sorry uh i also have because you're in a very big room i I'm just letting the listeners know that it's relevant how far away he's detecting it. So it lasts for up to 10 minutes. It's concentration. So if someone punches you in the face, it stops working. It's 30 feet around you.

Don't punch him in the face. Yes. Don't punch him in the face. No, don't. Oh, okay. So I'm just going to throw this up. Take a sweep. Okay.

So from the table you're at when this up. Take a sweep. Okay. So from the table you're at, Cast. I'm good. Okay. One day that'll go off. So you get immediate pings of magic off of your party. Everybody's carrying something magical. The knife is magical as well. Ha.

Okay, so I'm going to take that knife gently pop it off do you do anything about trying to hold the body in place it feels like it might topple over can we use this armor or should we just the armor is badly damaged you might be able to salvage it but in its current state it's not going to really do you care about the noise

I don't think so but too late now all right remove the knife cling cling clang clang oh because it's because he's on a tilt is that why you're asking yeah so i mean it's i'm not i'm not trying to foreshadow anything it's just you know if you're gonna investigate it you're gonna have to do a check of some kind to get to him because the place he's gonna roll is gonna be a pile of bodies and debris at the bottom of this slope where there are no tables to easily lasso. It's the edge of the force barrier. Is it easy to get to where she is?

To where Halcine is? Yeah. Yes. Maybe I'll climb over there, so when she takes it, I'll wrap my arms around the thing just to gently lower the armor. If there is anybody around, I don't want to. It doesn't create a bucket down the well from Lord of the Rings when he's in the Mines of Moria.

Spoiler. I love the bucket scene. Sarah's just about to watch that. Yeah, okay. Do a dexterity check, then. What's the new version? You can do it with advantage because you're helping her. Oh, thanks.

Ooh, it was worth it. Very gingerly, when she pulls the knife out, managed to brace the body and kind of like tilt it back against the table so it doesn't go crashing. It's about 100 feet down. I'm glad. It's a long way. Like I said, if you guys are tough adventurers,

it won't be difficult but it's it's it's bad if you just fell you keep saying that like if you guys are tough adventure i want to just create a sense of just how vast this room is it's really tough by making us feel bad yeah uh all right what's next tiktok you had one more thing you were gonna do no i mean that was i i i was gonna say search for signs of the baron but it occurs to me like if the baron was alive or dead there were survivors they would have taken him somewhere so now how do people feel about exploring and possibly confronting the survivors but if there were survivors

wouldn't they have escaped by now and like come to the mainland don't you think yeah you're right yeah you're right is there a way to get down to the bottom and like wave magic over the pile of dead people over at the bottom see if there's anything in there

you can keep your concentration going on that detect magic spell and Queep can fly you down if he does an athletics check. Hey, you know what? Or we can tie a rope around me and you can hold the rope and fly and I can just sort of like rappel down a little bit and just kind of do a bouncing pass.

That all sounds great. Whatever's more complicated. What did you say? Athlet athletics or acrobatics? Athletics, please. Nine. So, you pick him up and you start skidding. Dr. Uid's just a heavy boy. Is he?

Yeah, he smokes cigars he goes a lot of barbecues uh just just kind of i worked at chi chi's for three summers he's anyway you try to pick him up and it's difficult he's at a weird slant he can't get man it was so good he can't get his feet like planted well for you to help lift him up, and so he skids out of your hands. He is now sliding down. Oh, no! I cast Bless quickly on him. Can I do that or no?

What's the range on Bless? 30 feet? Yes. You can cast Bless as you do, a dexterity saving throw with advantage. Well, I'm going to dig my gauntlets into the carpet or whatever's on the floor. Oh, yes. Awesome.

Alright, so I'm checking the rules. Like a cat sliding down drapes. Yeah. Can you make like a meow sound? I will lower the DC with these claws. So do, yeah, with advantage roll your dexterity saving throw. I got a 16 as what's my thing? What's my check?

Oh, well, he also gets a D4 plus. Oh, add a D4 to that 16. And you get advantage. So that's a 20. No, roll the D4. Oh, a D4. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not four, just roll the D4.

That's a one. that's a one so you you skid yourself slowly but you continue to sink down towards the bottom um you guys whoever the two that are closest to me also have that d4 for saving throws and attack rolls for the next one minute okay great fyi cool uh blame you trying to stop yourself before you hit the bottom or are you just trying to keep your descent slow I'm trying to stop myself but also to slow down or stop myself so you fall about 30 feet

and you're slowing do another dexterity saving throw to see if you can stop can I tie a rope to an arrow and try and fire it past him so if he slides in he can catch the rope you're tying it while he does this. Yes. You're slowing down a little more

but you're still sliding. You're still out of control. Fire the arrow. He's now halfway down. Are there chairs nearby and tables and stuff? At the bottom where you're falling. That's a 20.

No, you're going across very open floor. 24? 24, Dan. You see an arrow with a rope attached to fly past you. What's the range on your arrows? It's a long bow, so it's 150 feet. And you're aiming for what? The bottom or just past it?

I want to go past him, but clearly in his past so he can grab that rope and we can get it. Want to grab that rope? Yes. Roll a dexterity check. Not a saving throw. How about a 17? Yeah. You got it.

I want one of those dice. I want one of those Dr. Uid's. Those little mini Dr. Uid's rolls in the last episode were obscene. They're great. And they look cool, too. I bet it's good. They're dense. They have the density.

Sarah, will you check and see if it says 20 on every side of the dice? I did roll a 19 when I first rolled it. Imagine slow down. And you're halted about 30 feet above the bottom. Cuckoo bird, He needs a taxi ride. See, I'll go grab him. Athletic check. Today's a bad day.

I think they're all on strike. Oh. 17. All right. This time it works. Yay. Oh. You got little dice, too?

Well, you can get mini dice. I've had them. I just haven't used them I don't have mini dice if it makes you guys feel better If the group is going to start using mini dice we should all be told I'm just going to start rolling Skittles I'm just doing it because my other dice aren't working And Blaine's are working really well Blaine's are great

Dr. Wood gets scooped up And you are lifted gingerly to the bottom. You're going to just drop him on the debris. You said you were going to scan it with detect magic, right? Just kind of get close enough to it. There's a lot of

trash down here, but you get three pings. One of them is buried deep under just bones and wooden debris, like mechanical debris. You see somebody's body has a detect magic, and a weird, like, looks like a stick that's just in the debris is pinging magic.

Can I get to it? Can I lower him like a stick that's just in the debris is pinging magic can i get to it can i lower him like a claw machine yes hey dan while that's happening down there i'm looking at darkthor up above and halstein being like i wonder if anyone's watching us right now ew do you want someone to be watching do doing doing i mean i like I'm saying, because I think these guys are very sharp. You know what? Like, look around. Is anybody watching us right now? You three do a perception check.

That's a good idea. Do a painting with crazy eyes. I'm just like, we're so intrigued, but like we're at the edge of I don't know what. Maybe a ghost town. Maybe nothing. 12. 13. 11.

It's just eerily quiet. You don't see any movement. If you have a break between the skittering of these two goofs slipping down the side of the boat deck, not boat deck, airship deck, but you can almost hear the dust landing in your ears, and you can almost hear your own heartbeat. It's very quiet.

Okay, well well in case anyone is watching um i uh i'm gonna cause um i'm gonna look up at the sky dramatically throw my arms up and i'm gonna cause ominous whispers to fill the room oh my god uh what's the range on ominous whispers it's thaumaturgy so it's 30 feet um it's just like a it's a cantrip so it's just okay i can just do meaningless things basically at fourth level it's a point of my choice so i'd like to make it emanate from like wherever it feels like someone might be watching from no you have to pick a direction i'm gonna make you pick a direction i'm trying to envision the room so like is there like if if someone were like observing us is there like an area up top or does it feel like it's from like a back where you came from

yeah um you can tell it used to be uh where there was a dinner platter and uh sort of like chef's tables set up uh that that area you feel like no one was there because you were already there there is uh an area where you you know there used to be observational equipment well beyond the podium in the escape hatch right and uh that that might be vaguely suspicious there's the area where these guys are right and then down at the bottom with all the trash and then uh there's the dome which is like about uh trying it's pretty pretty tall it's like 50 feet up okay i'm gonna make the ominous whispers come from the dome but i'm gonna like i'm gonna try to look very like in the air above you yeah like i'm gonna look up and i'm gonna throw my arms out and like try to roll my eyes back at my head and just be like what's

well it's coming from above us just to kind of freak out anybody who might be watching yeah tick tock is playing like oh you're in for it now uh okay blaine where are you up to down there uh is there a way for me to i'm gonna see if i can just kick bones out of the way. Do you remember the three things you found? There's a staff that I'm heading for right now, or some sort of stick shape. Yeah, so it's in the middle of some wood, and when you got the detect magic, you could see how this could be easily overlooked. It's a sort of splintered pile of wood, and the thing that's pinging it, you're not even sure what the shape is until you can get to it physically. Do an investigation check. the shape is until you can get to it physically uh do an investigation check yeah i'm gonna make you keep the ominous whispers going in real time

a 21 21 yeah you you dig around and you find a wand a wand a wand a wand okay and uh that thing is still p. There's a couple more things you said. Yeah, a body is wearing some kind of robe or something that looks like it has magic on it. And it doesn't say Billabong, does it? No, it says Ed Hardy. Oh, okay. So I'll just leave that here. No, are you going to go look into it?

It's like a magic tunic or something you said? Investigation for this one. Assuming you're going to go look into it? It's like a magic tunic or something, you said? Investigation for this one. Assuming you're going to traverse. Sorry, nine plus. It's a 12. Yeah, you're not sure what's going on with this thing. It's really filthy. It looks like it may have had some sort of design on it at one point,

but it looks like it was smashed up. The body that's wearing it is pinned underneath a large part of like a bulkhead it looks like it used to hold together equipment and uh it structurally part of it that just sort of tilted down and smashed into this guy and half buried him so so it's good luck yeah you don't know if you could get it off without without really getting some help here oh can i get down there can i get tick tock well creep is down there with you oh i thought you were holding a rope i'm holding on to you so you can reach all this oh okay okay well yeah i mean he i was dipping him yeah yeah he's right there he's he's like carrying you so you don't fall through the trash um i'm gonna have you both do an acrobatics check to try to plant your feet

and not fall down into the trash. They have a name, Dan. 21. Oh, acrobatics. Hang on. Sorry. Yeah, sneaky pants. Where is the other? Hey, Brian, what was this acrobatics check brought to us by? I was looking around.

You were at Kaiser Soze. I was going to do that. Dice. Higher than McDonald's. Hey, Brian, Brian, say Trader Joe's Vizine. Brought to you by Trader Joe's Vizine. Brought to you by Trader Joe's Vizine. Made with 100% leaves. Do your acrobatic, sir.

Stop cheating. No parking. 18, man. Yeah. 18. 18, I missed it because I was staring at Brian being silly. 14. Okay.

You needed a 10 to try not to fall through the trash. I'm going to have whoever wants to take the lead roll with advantage on strength check. I think I'm going to plant myself. Unbury the body, right? Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. So the guy is like. Spider-Man is secure.

He's wearing. It looks like some kind of tunic. Like tunic or what are they called? Tabard. Like some kind of a cloth draped over armor. It's only the cloth that's magic. And he's kind of like this. He's leaning on trash and there

is a giant wooden structural thing smashed into his ribs that's pinning him into the trash. Great. Cursed robe. There's like thin wisps of hair and flesh on his skull and he's been here for years. It's got a cowboy pattern.

It's really pretty. You should get it. Who's rolling strength check? What's the other item? What is the other item? You both plant it down. Dr. Woods helping you brace to pull. Roll twice. I'm going to wear those boots too.

Okay. Roll twice what now? Strength check. Yes. And you have advantage. You're at Brian's house right now. So you get to take the higher of the two. I got a...

Two eights. Not moving. You're just like... The whole thing kind of slides down there hmm no but the whole thing the whole thing structure just kind of like smashes his body deeper into the trash perfect can I get down there can we tie that rope off I got the robe you somebody the picture again because there's nothing stopping you from coming down here except more ability checks.

So they're way down here. Yeah. And you guys, I'm sorry, I need to reverse this. You guys, they're way down here like going over trash. You're way up here leaning against tables that have ropes connecting them. But you're 100 feet across the floor. I get it. And then the room goes like another 100 feet in that direction, but the slide down

in the trash is where they are. It just feels like we're really... Do we want to keep spending time trying to dig this thing out of the trash? There's one more magical ping in the trash that he got from where he landed in this 30-foot radius. It was buried under the trash about 20 feet.

Wow. Do you want to get down in? Yeah, let's get down in there. I'm going to have you both do strength checks. I'm going to do the same lowering thing, I think, or at least secure myself and let him down with the rope. It's still a strength check. So you spent some time going back and collecting some rope

because you've used all the rope. I'm just saying narratively speaking. All your rope was tied from table to table, and he untied one oh i thought i was hanging him hanging he was hanging for me i thought you were holding him by the armpits no okay but okay it doesn't truly doesn't matter so uh yeah you can lower them with but but the thing is uh i had you do the acrobatics check to so you could plant your feet got and lift so you landed got um you can dig into this trash but to uh i just want to avoid falling into it okay all the way use if you uh do a survival check to see if you can get the rope to help secure you all right

and and uh assist you as you what's all about? Spending an hour digging in trash. I was thinking about that. 16. You think it's really going to help how you plug an episode. You tie the rope to this big bulkhead you were having trouble with and you're like,

all right, I think we can actually protect ourselves. Both of you do strength checks. Do it. Sorry, Dan, I was talking over you. Hey, will a natural 20 do? I'm pretty sure we've been talking over each other the whole episode. 21?

A natural 20. I didn't even bother putting anything in there. Okay, so you're no help, but you get about 10 feet down after. 23. It takes you like 20 minutes, and you think you can see it. There's just, it's weird, though. It looks like there's a pocket underneath the trash now. And if you can just move a couple of things, there's open space.

Huh. Weird. It's like a shielded thing. I cast whispers coming from the other two directions now. I can have three whispers going on. Be careful. So now there's whispers coming from all over the place. How do you proceed

uh i'm gonna try to move some uh trash away from the perimeter of whatever this thing is do you know a strength check 13 plus 16 do you have uh dark vision i do 60 feet crack it open and um there's this pocket it's only it only goes down about five feet but you see this little area um there's a a candle magically lit there's a silver quill pen very bright sparkly silver sitting next to the candle. And next to it, a pile of papers spread out in kind of like a fan. There's nothing else in this little pocket of air. There's no movement. There's no smell of movement.

And at that moment, your detect magic fades away. Get it. Yeah. I'm going to have to... Can I check for traps? Is there a way to get it? Get an investigation check. Guys, what's going on down there?

How's that trash looking? He's digging through some shit. You don't think you see any traps? I mean, you feel like you've created a space between broken planks of wood and brass and steel and glass, and you've managed to find this little nest? It's hard to say. There's no pillows or beds.

It's just these three items. And how far away is Queep? He's above you, like 10 feet just up the pile of trash. Something weird's going on. If I'm about to be eaten by something, I'll pull on the rope 64 times. All right. Simpsons did it. Okay, well, I'm going to give him a nod, and I'm going to kind of lower myself into this thing.

Okay. And I'm going to pick up the quill check it out it's not gonna like it jump in my neck or anything it uh it almost looks like it's made of steel or actual ore it's silver silver and the feather doesn't look like it's from any bird you've seen before and you're a druid so you're like ah like i don't think i've seen an animal this feather would have even come from and the uh and it's you said it was next to to some papers and uh see a pile of what looks like over a hundred pieces of paper with a what languages do you know well I speak a little Spanish

from a summer I did it common druidic and elvish thank you very much you don't recognize the language right away but it's not anything you speak can I do an arcana check on it arcana on the paper? Arcana? On the paper? Yeah to kind of

see if there's a... Can you? Yeah sure. Why not? A magical quality to what's happening. Nice one bro. Yeah actually now that I've rolled maybe I won't do that. Okay. Fair. Although you'll say there's a very eerie feeling to what's going on here

as the candle continues to light because of my whispers yeah also way above you you hear something going like this is a spooky fucking pocket yeah what and now what's the deal with the uh uh with the candle is that is it is there heat coming off of it is it one of those like investigation check restaurant candles with a bet like switch on the bottom? It flickers like it's in a Spencer's Gifts. 18. Some kind of very simple spell

lit this candle. There's no other significance to it. I'm going to scoop it up and I'm going to bring all of this thing. I'm going to look around the inside of this bubble. How many pages are there of paper? Over a hundred. And they're just blank?

No, there's writing on all of them. Oh, sorry. I'm not down there anyway. I guess I'm not allowed to know. Oh, you know what? I'm going to stack up all these papers. I'm going to put them in my backpack. Yeah.

Okay. Great. You're going to head on up? Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to make you guys roll to escape the pile of trash. Yeah. Okay. Great. You're going to head on up? Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to make you guys roll to escape the pile of trash. No. But I will have you roll to carry him up.

All right. So do an athletics check, please. You did dig to the bottom. Do that again. That's cocked. I beg your pardon. That's good. We should get TikTok down here to get that shirt out of the that tunic out of the thing

okay so uh i'm just gonna have you do uh i'm just you're going down with queep yeah why do you want to get it what happened he really wants a magical shirt that's trapped under uh how do you know the shirt's magic it ping but it's pin uh i'll say when you get back there uh first do it one more athletics check to carry TikTok because he's hard to carry if you remember. I know. Yeah, it might make more sense. Ten.

He gets you about five feet and drops you. You go careening. Can I try and turn into like a controlled slide down? Is my rope still there? I'll say that your rope is still there and you could have been holding on to it, but he's going to drop you straight up regardless. So you can do a dexterity

saving throw to try to brace yourself with the rope. Dexterity save? Yeah. Love it. 17. Alright, you slow down. Dig your heels in. You're alright. Are you okay? Do you need a cracker? Sorry, so clumsy. It's okay. I give him a scratch beneath his beak.

Yeah, he did make a... There was a parrot joke. I wanted to make sure you got that. But, like, you get down to the bottom. You get to the bulkhead. And... Can we lift together? Give us a...

Strength is advantage. You want to roll it? You can tell, too, like... Well, you rolled twice. It's harder now because of the fucked up attempt before. 18. No, it just goes. And like the garbage starts to collapse inwards.

The hole that you guys dug to get to that weird little pocket starts to cave in and collapse. And the body starts to just sort of disappear beneath the trash. It's lost. to just sort of disappear beneath the trash. It's lost. Halcine casts Thaumaturgy again and makes her eyes change into ticking clocks and she sighs heavily. All right, let's go.

Do one more Athletics, make sure you get them up there. Do you beat a 10? I think it's a nine. Oh dear. Oh yeah, that's that's no that's good okay so he gets him up um

and yeah you guys are now back up at the tables the podium they can't get to it because it collapsed inside yeah it's it's buried under something

so heavy that it would it would take like a crane or something that you would have to come up with what did you find she makes tiny cranes appear in her eyes the best I could do.

I'm going to pull out these pages. And I guess we can find some sort of area where we're all stabilized. The most stable place would be the stairwell you came from to leave this place. What's the language on them? We don't know. He doesn't know.

You share with everybody? Yes. You guys heading back to the stairwell? Yeah, that makes sense. I don't think there's anything else in this room. Tick-tock, you recognize it as gnomish. I can read gnomish. You realize these are notes from the Baron. Yeah, that's what I was worried about.

And you... It seems like he was trapped down there. You see a lot of very upset writing. There's stuff about him having known about the Tenebrous one for about 23 years. Okay. Do you want to write this down with my quill oh yeah that quill is awesome

he found out through just high society that some wizard was planning to crash a comet into the ocean to try to mine magic material from deep underneath the ground

and he misunderstood he thought it wasn't going to crash magic material from deep underneath the ground. And he misunderstood. He thought it wasn't going to crash into Pepper Green where it did crash. He didn't know it was going to crash into Donkey Land where it crashed. The comma basically split into two and hit occupied land, which he didn't expect. And he felt a great deal of guilt over it and there are many many pages so i'm going to ask you to do an investigation check to discover anything beyond that investigation and you said that when the

magic was going off that that these pages were pinging yes well the pocket was pinging Pinging. Yes. Well, the pocket was pinging. The candle was magically lit, so that's one thing. I got a 14. Okay, so. I'm glad you were so tenacious.

Yeah. How long do you want to spend looking at this? I mean, I don't want to slow us down. I feel like these can be read later if we need to. Do we want? Well, we need to. All right. Do we want? Well, we can take a break. I think it'd be helpful because what happened to him. So he wrote all these.

Let's see if we. With the 14, you do find what was supposed to. Chronologically would have been the final note. Yeah. Let's jump to that. You want to jump to that? Yeah. All right.

Uh-oh. Oh, papers. It's right there. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. This is a lot. It's a good thing you went down and got it. So were you prepared for this? I guess.

It's my young Sheldon spec. I hope you like it. I did not think you'd go digging through the trash. I'm just looking for notes. Thank God we did. It's really exciting. Guys, sorry I complained about this. Almost every week I have pages printed where I'm just like,

I'll recycle that in the morning. There are'm just like I should not read this whole thing it is a size 24 font why don't we spread it out so everybody reads some of this how about that well yeah what's the last page it is in gnomish I will say oh shit but just for the sake of

not having me talk like a dipshit for five minutes why don't you read the first page I'll read the first page to whomever may one day find this place of not having me talk like a dipshit for five minutes. Why don't you read the first page? I'll read the first page. Alright. To whomever may one day find this place, gone are the tense waiting years pining for rescue. Here on these last pages I shall attempt to share the

remaining knowledge I contain. I hope against logic that this may one day help heal this shattered continent. I've been Dairy Wxel Pezzlegig, former Dolt Supreme of Peppergreen, he did say Dolt, D-O-L-T, have two crimes I wish to confess.

The first is that in an effort to expand my own research, I attempted to create a form of instantly cast blessings that could be traded for goods and services, a sort of coin that does not have a physical form that I could generate en masse. That's French. My attempts to create a currency of blessings on behalf of Pepper Green was a folly for a dead land. These blessings as coin only made it into other lands in limited quantity. Few fell for it, and the unintended side effect of my being able to listen to the conversations of

You want to take that? Bless coins, huh? To be able to listen to the conversations of others who had pocketed these blessings was a surprise, but that I kept listening to them was a severe moral failing. He's Catholic. And now here I am left to receive was a severe moral failing. He's Catholic.

And now here I am left to receive the strange messages that echo through the blessing network. Oh, like some kind of weirdo. It's really gnomish? Hiding away, listening to the broadcasted signals of others. Who am I to listen to other people sitting around having conversations? And I made a fake currency based on ideas. I'm such a gnomish creep. My second and more grievous crime is that I knew of the coming war forged genocide to

some degree. I look at TikTok. Oh, I guess I'm not reading this really well. No, but yeah, he's reading this. TikTok should be aware at a certain point. Would he continue to read this to the party? Oh yeah. You would.

Yeah. I think I would. All right. I think I would. I harbored one of their scouts. Oh, he's going to get it choked up while he's reading this. Some kind of beacon.

And by not acting on this dangerous omen and instead treating it like an autonomous being, and it nauseates me to say this now, but I even thought it was deserving of a second chance. I allowed myself to think this was generous. When the horrible armies of mechanical men stomped across Clottenheim and eradicated the elven population, I sat... Trapped in this icy prison, knowing that I was in some way complicit. I'm a double gnomish creep.

that I was in some way complicit. I'm a double gnomish creep. There is little left to spark the cockles of my theoretical heart, though through my blessings network I do hear tales of startling heroism from Donkey Land. They now hunt the Wormlords in pairs of halflings known as Abyss Droppers. There could be hope therein. I wonder if there is any hope in the arachnid like Mar...

Mar... Marifka. They're brave warriors, they are not unstoppable, and one in Dezdezik was dumb enough to trade their money for my blessing coin. In exchange, he gave me TikTok. This was before the Marifka were well known. So his uncommon extra appendages were wrapped up underneath his garments, his extra eyes beneath a bandana. It attempted to pass for a gith merchant, but I was not easily fooled.

It is probably egotistical of me to call. Ooh. Guys, Brian can't read. Don't do this to him. Oh, God. This is how he has to learn. He communicates through dance. He had an entire bag of sweet heat skittles

tick tock's destruction a death but since its loss i have had to accept difficult truths much greater i should not normalize that death machine the deaths of the elves may be on my head and it's constructed mockery of a humanoid head the wizard is made oh by the way you get all the fucking fantasy names in this page congrats the wizard has made far too many alliances and could not have stopped that at least i forgive myself for from the wizard's ingratiating parlay was zetagog have a hula and the other dragons of Barrow Steps, to his seeding of the countryside with terrible tentacled lieutenants, to the abominations he has mutated the giants into, to his other experiments with core crystals. He was a dealer of magic bargains that no kind soul could dream of competing with. When I first heard word he was planning to mine this planet for dark deeds some decades ago now, that was my true shame.

I thought if I merely flew above the fray, the misery would pass. What else did I know from my blessings? What secret did I keep for vanity? That the Veldedeltaleth were bribing their way into Howbelly. I knew there were bribes from the Underdark. Perhaps that went nowhere. The comet was supposed to land in the ocean, not create more of it where Peppergreen once lay. Now the White Wizards roam the wastes.

Oh, sorry. Now the White wizards roam the waste oh sorry now the white wizards roam the wastes it is lucky for all of us that the archmage of van der veil was able to summon enough druids to keep the oceans from evaporating in the sky from burning down yeah my man tell me about it before those druids are slain i hear they hid their talismans and imbued them with wild magic that could fight the dread wizard. But where they hid them, I do not know. The messages do not come to me anymore, and I have no way to

hear them if they did. I am alone. And live from New York, it's Saturday night! I was kidding about the last part. Same as the last scrap. Terry, I mean. No, the true lie is that I told

myself the wizard would drop the comet collect his crystals and a hero would vanquish him but it is too late the wizard is not even a wizard anymore he is the delver of dimensions the collector of kings the Tenebrous one once known simply as and it ends there the page is torn up.

It's torn? Yes. That's interesting. So somebody got in there and left that. Just tore that one page and tore that. And we had an hour again, Sam? Yes, we are. All right.

Well, I guess we're going to call it there until next time, you guys. I wish I would have read that as Columbo. Let's do that on the next one. Okay. Sorry no one died. Sure. Instead, we went dumpster diving. Fantasy dumpster. It started terrible and ended great, though.

That was a real find. Hey, Sam, what do you think happened? Joe, this is a pretty quick one. We're climbing ropes, and Sarah solved a riddle and got a shield. Bird shoes. There's a podium, an escape hatch, some armor, and some bodies.

Ken dropped Blaine down a hill. Sarah cast whispers, because whispers can be a weapon, because this game rules. There's a bunch of trash. We're getting in it and there's a writer's room in the trash. The podium podium collapsed and I didn't listen to those pages. I suck at this.

Well, no worries to the party. I know there's quite a lot to to chew there that who the fuck knows when you'll get to all of the processing. That was supposed to be an unlikely thing you found today. That was random, but I

did just email it all to you, so you can take your sweet time pondering the proper nouns and such. At this point, we've already done the Dungeons and Dragons event, so we're recording this before we do it. Thanks for Dungeons and Dragons event so we're recording this before we do it thanks for going to that

everybody and nice to see you there it was weird what you said it was weirder what you did I can't believe I made eye contact with you the whole time I was doing it near mint merch

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