Nerd Poker - Episode 19 - Dragon Watch

Episode Date: May 29, 2019

It's time to leave the wreck of the observatory airship, only it's been a little while since the Ice Five visited their pals on the boat, so things might not be exactly the way they were left. No Sarah this episode as she had to call it an early night, but fear not, she'll be back next time in Episode 20!

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey guys, you are listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker episode...

19. Season 3, episode 19. Yeah. And play basketball and play Lego Indiana Jones. Yeah. I always love his plugs. Quality plugs. Remember to check out Disney brand products.

Atari. It's always pretty much what he's into that day. Exactly at that moment. But he's never wrong. Because today I'm into Indiana Jones and basketball. I know. Basketball when it came in. Those are good things.

Thanks, pal. Man, I've been jonesing for Indiana lately. That was Blaine. You haven't met him yet. He's one of my friends. I'm Brian Pessain. Radio theater has rules everybody episode 19

my friends are here except for one we're down one Sarah we played one episode with her tonight and then she had to go home I got Ken yeah hello everybody I'm Ken nice to meet hello everybody. I'm Ken.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Dan. Hi. And Blaine. I guess I said my thing too soon, so I won't say anything here. At the end of the table. I wish you could see how hard he's crying right now.

Sam. Birds. I would also like to thank some Patreons like Dylan Wines white red and rosé thank you Derek Emsweiler thank you Joshua Mischara

thank you Corwin thank you Shrage. Is that Shrek raging? It must be. And most of all, thank you, Jefferson Star Destroyer. Last time on Nerd Poker,

our crew, the Ice Five, broke into the crashed airship with the big magic bubble dug into its depths, did some sort of spelunking type stuff with ropes climbed across tables, and found the treasure they were meant to discover some ten years ago on our timeline. After cracking open the little chests with their magical items, they thought they would go digging through garbage and bodies. But upon doing so, found something their dungeon master did not think they would find,

but brought as a super special Easter egg and was like, well, here we go, time to read a novel, everybody. And that is where we last left our heroes after discovering, if I may summarize, that Baron Dairy Waxel... I can't remember it right now.

My brain had a little fit. Baron Dairy Waxel Pezzle Gig, the honorary Baron of Pepper Green. That's what happens when you name characters names Baron Dairy Waxel Pezzle Gig, the Honorary Baron of Pepper Green. That's what happens when you name characters names like that, Dan. And I'll never forget episode two when we accidentally

turned his name into a Primus song. So, Blaine, if you could bring in bass guitar sometime and Les Clay pull it up, I will do a full improvised He was a little known guy who went and blew up the whole scene. He regretted

bringing TikTok as his sidekick fell on down the side. He got buried underneath a pile of trash. I guess that's where he died. Nice. And yeah, that's... If someone could just please cut that to actual music,

I think. No, the trash was sort of dug through. You guys brought it to the stairwell and read it. So right now you are kind of up the top of the stairs. Okay. And you can now kind of hear uh you know just the the whirring of the gears below deck a lot of just that are the whispers still going on uh how seen in cast yes dissonant whispers back room that is worn off at this point and you guys you guys have uh left the observation deck as it were tiktok's learned a lot about his past and you did you read that all out loud yeah it was that was

yeah i think so i think there's no there's no point not to share it yeah i suppose it's of note that the baron sort of uh no longer views you the same way he did. Yeah, which to me explains why the thing was burned and it seemed very much like it was a... Why don't you do an insight check and maybe I'll even hold your hand for this next part. Oh, well, I rolled a one. So let me see. Plus, fuck me.

So it's a one. Yeah, I mean, you can tell he was upset and trapped for you it seems years it seems like he may have been trapped here for a very there was no body in there correct we can we doctor would you take a closer look at that quill and that candle the only other things in there were those could he is there you know this wild magic have you have you learned another detect magic or do you need to rest first uh well i couldn't identify anything with this no okay but no you don't have identified that's for sure can i can i get out some uh some papers maybe some old bank receipts or dry cleaning thing and uh try to use this quill on it see if this quill does

anything do an inside check 15, 19. At first, it writes, it seems like the same kind of ink. You just pull out a blank piece of paper from, I would just say, your spell book. You got a spell book. And you can write nothing. But you notice when you write, it almost seems to have moments of resistance. And when you push it, sometimes it pushes a little harder.

But it's very subtle. Like someone else is trying to write something? Almost like it's becoming heavier and lighter as you write. Depending on what I write? Seemingly random intervals. You want to write some more and see if it depends on the context? Yeah. Or if you sort of let it write for you, if you can.

I'll let you roll insight with advantage this time. I'll need it because that was a eight. We get to roll twice. Yeah. That's what advantage means, my son. You're my child now. That's a six. Yeah, I can't really figure it out. You try writing names. You try writing places.

Just odd resistance and pressure at different intervals. Okay. Ouija pen. It feels like it's a very lightweight pen and it feels like it might be shifting by just a milligram as you write. It's interesting.

It intrigues you, I would say. Well, you had the suggestion, right? Can it write by itself? Can you connect with it and see if it... You're covered in feathers. Why don't you try it? Where are my feathers?

That's racist. No, I'm just saying you've got... Maybe you're just better with feathers. Oh, I know all feathered people? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Okay. I'll try it. Do an insight check. There's more bird stuff, Sam. It's rough.

He's looking up his bonus, ladies and gentlemen, while he does that. Oh, uh... Brought to you by Trader Joe's Hemorrhoid Cream. Shove it up your ass! No parking! Trader Joe's hemorrhoid cream. Shove it up your ass. No parking. Trader Joe's. Eight.

It's not from an Aarakocra. Okay. But can I try writing with it? Yes. Do another insight check. The thing that you did where you just like try to let it write for you. Yeah, I'm just sort of, yeah.

Sure, sure, sure. If it will guide. That's a 19. uh you can't quite feel what he felt he can't no interesting i'm a barbarian now it's possible that i took that into account yeah I'm not good with fancy magical shit well I do have a list of everybody's proficiencies

what do we I mean we don't need to stay up here anymore I think what do we want to check the hatch the escape hatch sure we can check it yeah I think we're kind of done here i think this i almost feel like it's what i think that's what hal seen said in the last episode that whoever survived has left and i should i should also uh elaborate a little bit on what i mean by

escape hatch you would know it's an escape hatch because it's supposed to be in case of scientific emergency it's something he set up in case uh there was an explosion he did alchemy experiments up in the observation so it's just meant like in case of a fire it's not it's not like he knew it's not like you knew this was going to turn into an airship right right right so it's not like some sort of transportational escape hatch or anything that would like a lead to a lifeboat or something it was just to get off the observation yeah it was just a quick oh right it was and it's a trap door on the floor. Where does it lead? Can we see that?

I will let you do another foggy memory check if you want. Sure. What am I rolling here? That's going to be add your... Charisma minus two? Which is a zero plus zero minus two. Which you actually did pretty good on last time. Now this is an interesting roll, Dan. I rolled a two.

So when you subtract two from that You remember seeing the trapdoor and you remember you've seen it before but you can't quite place any other memories about it. I can't. You don't remember if you've ever used it. You don't remember if you've ever opened it. What the hell?

Don't know if you've ever seen the Baron use it. I'm so sorry everyone. It's like you I didn't know if you've ever seen the Baron use it. I'm so sorry, everyone. It's like I didn't know anything. Are you guys heading below deck or are you going to camp out or something? How long would it take us to get back? What time? Is it late now? It'd take you maybe 90 seconds to get back to the landing where you came in back of the boat.

You just have to walk through some room i mean well not it would take because the floor is still at a 45 degree angle it would take you five minutes to just go down how long to get to the time though uh it would require queep flying you which depending on his athletics checks could and it would also depend on the weather right you guys have been in here for a few hours now. So when you left, there were high winds that deterred Queep from making it easy, and you had to leave Dr. Uid overnight in the icy wastes. And he had a very good survival. I absolutely positively had to be there, too. He's a survival checkmaster, and he's a druid, so he did pretty good with it.

But you know you wouldn't want to be stranded out there you did unbarricade the door the door it's like if it took a while you guys could wait inside this door it wouldn't be you know weather-wise that dangerous well why don't we at least go to the door and then see what the weather's like yeah sure okay so you make it through the different things again you, you hear as you go past the Modron gears, they are very loud. And again, they move with sort of like this magical precision. You get to the back area and you hear it is very windy. You don't hear precipitation or hail or anything, but you hear howling winds.

We're just staying here. Yeah, I think perhaps we'll be camping out for a while. Get cozy. Is there somewhere we can flatten out the ground so we have something stable to... Yeah, there's like a corner you can easily kind of like lay some equipment down and make into, uh, I don't know,

not, not, not backbreaking ground, but, but you, you would, the easiest thing to do would be if you guys just kind of, you know,

leaned against a wall at a 45 degree angle and slept, if that's what you're going to do. Yeah. Let's do that. Great. Uh, you're going to do shifts to stay awake. Yes. Also, uh, do you want to do stuff too-hmm let's do that great uh you gonna do shifts to stay awake yes also do you want to learn stuff too so okay so me and dark throw up for mm-hmm cool now uh you're up first

but um I'm gonna throw a couple of wrinkles in here if you guys are learning anything beyond basic spells we're gonna do three shifts rather than two. I think we've been through this kind of casually, but I think it might be good for me to say this out loud because to get a long rest, you need eight hours, and you're doing this in four-hour shifts. And if you want a third shift to learn spells or study magical items, that's an extra shift for everybody.

Also, I mentioned magical items you guys are carrying a shitload of unidentified magical items yeah so you don't have identified but you can study stuff and try to learn stuff about it this stuff is complicated and i will let you investigate things try to attune yourself to things not everything requires attunement but it is a too, attunement means a magical item doesn't work until you spend time with it. That's sort of what he did with the scroll to learn how to summon Gus. Got it. I found that

curved dagger. Is that way back? Remember we've stopped off when we were walking through that long tunnel. There were those, I don't remember if they were goblins or whatever, but like had that above like we went through a door and there was a there were those, I don't remember if they were goblins or whatever, but had that above... We went through a door, there was a trap door in the ceiling, and there was a footlocker.

There was a curved dagger I pulled out of that footlocker. Is that a magical item? I don't think cast detect magic on it. I could be wrong. I don't. Doctor? Yeah. I mean, I'd relearn detect detect magic maybe that way we can put everything

in the middle and figure out what needs to be identified okay uh that's a good idea you still have to declare the items uh that you have in your inventory i haven't kept track of everything that you guys i have a curved dagger and i have the um i have an inventory of the adventure so i can go pull stuff up but i'm not aware of who's holding what. I don't have Halcine stuff, but I know I had a curved dagger and I had the executioner axe. So, the curved dagger is non-magical. Oh, too bad. I'll give it to Terry.

Now, Terry... He is not to have weapons Ever? Just to defend yourself? No according to the court But you can stab things around curves He's just going to stab himself Alright too bad Real daggers have curves Did I notice anything

Since I'm wearing the boots Have I noticed anything that they do? You can try to figure it out. Yeah, sure. So, okay. Those of you who are on watch right now, I'm going to need you to do your perception check.

So whoever... One of you can roll with advantage. You don't have to both do it. Dark, what's your perception uh mine's only plus two what's yours plus three yeah you should roll twice yeah roll a second 17 and uh eight so i'll take that 17 okay the storm seems to continue to rage for the first four hours cool it. It's raging. Is anyone staying awake and studying stuff?

So you want to study? Yeah, I'll study. You're going to study boots. Anyone else studying something else? Studying boots. Yeah. I bet you when Halcine does her thing, she would study her shield to see if there's anything about that.

Yeah. So it's a big white dragon scale. It's got a rune carved on the outside and burned into it. To Valkyr? No. Do we know the language? She wouldn't recognize if it was Valkyr. It's not a language, it's a rune. So it's like a single character of a magical alphabet.

Do we recognize the alphabet? She could roll, but you couldn't. You couldn't, like, all as a team, stay awake during a long rest and stare at a shield. You could, but then you couldn't look at anything. I would imagine she would want to at some point. Or at least she would recognize, especially if it was like Sun Elvish or something like that. I mean,

you study and you're like, there's got to be something magical to it. What languages do you guys all know? I have hers pulled up. I'm gnomish. Love, math, body. Common, elvish, halfling, under common.

And also, Fist, Brian, your character speaks Oh no, it's Billy! Look out! Well, none's Billy. Look out. Oren and Cullen. None of you recognize the ring. I guess Dark there does, but that's more of a brody, a booty thing. It could mean a single word, but you're not sure what word it would mean.

Turbots. Turbots. I will say the Executioner's Axe, as you you study it you do seem more drawn to it something about it is very hypnotic have I learned anything about my shoesies your shoes they start to just fit better

the more you kind of the more you wear it they break in like even though you're just sort of the more you the more you wear you they break in like even though you're just sort of sitting around you're like oh these could be really good because you're very specific and um you get you get like kind of a cozy feeling from them so you're not sure what this means exactly it but you definitely feel sort of protected by these shoes and plus three slippers of newspaper getting uh you're sleeping, right? Or learning spells? I'm learning spells.

All right, round two. Who's on watch? I am. I'll watch. Take a nap. Okay. Okay, so you're sleeping. You learning any...

I'm going to make sure I'm good. Okay. Cooper, what do you think about that letter? Very interesting. I'll have to read it again to remember what happened in it. There's a lot of information there. Should I do a recap of the letter for you guys and listeners? Maybe bullet points.

When you're performance reading, it's hard to remember what you said. That's the other thing, too. I almost wondered if I should have read it, but I was like, no one wants to hear my voice that long. Yeah, it worked out well. Maybe we should have listened to Reverend Jim's or your thing. Come on.

One more question. Checking chips. Reverend Jim. Reverend Jim, that was on Taxi. Oh, yeah, yeah. Chips? I don't know. Reverend Jim was Charles Nelson Riley. Oh, yes, yes. Sure. It's me, Chips was Charles Nelson Riley oh yes yes yeah yeah

sure it's me Chips remember that you know Chips the ghost and Mrs. Chips

the California cops and and their oh yeah I heard it through the cop vine yeah

bullet points damn yeah sorry I needed to eat some Skittles and then you guys kindly covered me Hurt it through the cop vine. Yeah. Bullet points, Dan. Yeah, sorry. I needed to eat some Skittles, and then you guys kindly covered me eating Skittles by continuing to rip. Anytime, baby. I'm glad I didn't have to bring up

Trader Joe's new caramel hay puffs. He made some kind of... You know what? Can everyone do an Arcana check? Is that because of my caramel hay puff jokes? Text Arcana check. Arcana. Can I?

23. You're hired in Halcine, and you're the right person to get it. An Arcana check? 18. What is it? Arcana. Arcana. Regarding the order.

Arcana. 17. 20. Oh, shit. You got lots of higher arcana's some of this occurs to you too

Darkthor but TikTok you pick up that he made some kind of cryptocurrency basically a blessing spell that can be conferred

from one person to another regardless of their magical ability right so you could like walk up to another person and say I'm you haven't read enough of the notes there's over 100 pages to figure out how to confer this blessing or even if it's possible for one of you to do this

but there appears to have been some sort of phrase where if you utter it to another person the blessing follows them around uh and it is any man and you figure out it is a um not just a blessing but a variation on a spell called message and it's got bits of scrying in it and it's very complicated but by carrying this blessing around he could spy on what people were saying to each other and he confesses that he thought they were could they were they were carrying around this blessing with them but in hidden inside of it was this scrying basically uh with that really high role i'm going to give you a little bit of a magical history here right you figure out he had to um i apologize to anyone who could hear me chewing uh he had to take a scrying spell and break it apart. So you could use the tracking aspects of it to tie this blessing to another person based on words and phrases.

In doing so, he claims, at least in his confession, to have unintentionally attached the ability to listen in. And this is similar to a message spell where you can communicate over a long distance. So he feels bad about it. He calls himself a creep and he says he could hear in a conversation. So that's sort of bullet point one. Bullet point two, he refers

to you as a beacon and says that you are a harbinger of death upon the elven races of Clottenheim. And that he knew. Yes. And then he starts to go into all the other rumors he's heard. And there's a lot of names that get dropped. He mentions that the Tenebrous One made deals.

He mentions that there was an Underdark group that infiltrated Hawbelly, and he's not sure how successful they were. Is this all in reference to after the dome or is this all It's kind of all over the place and we should publish this letter publicly after it gets read so listeners can go ahead

and dig in. I'm going to go through parts of it and maybe just not share it with everybody. Do an investigation check. Bar bar bar good oh investigation uh 17. uh okay oh i like nerd poker before it got political by the way yeah all i do is i come over here and give him my propaganda i'm just telling him my political beliefs okay all right i tell him how to steal dana's coming over and give him my propaganda. I'm just telling him my political beliefs. I tell him how to steal. Dan is coming over and whispering in my ear right now.

Which looks and feels a lot like kissing. Right, Chris? Oh. Like that picture on Instagram of them kissing four weeks ago. What do you got, Blaine? You know, I went to the park to play baseball.

Oh, yeah? Got a hit. But as I was rounding the park to play baseball. Oh, yeah? Got a bat, got a hit. Mm-hmm. But as I was rounding the bases, I thought I was going to shaving cream. Be nice and clean. Shave every day and you'll always look clean. Now, you could just repeat that to everybody.

I can help you repeat it, but you did say you wouldn't necessarily. No, I would share that with everybody. Okay, do you want to translate it? So in regards to this cryptocurrency, apparently there were dragons. That because dragons typically are greedy, heard about this cryptocurrency thing, and so these dragons were hunting after him. Did I get that right?

Yes. I'm just trying to lock down... When he was trapped inside this bubble, that was not from the crash. Because he talked about so many things about knowing what happened. The density of the bubble changed after it was hit by a comet. Right.

But he lived. He's writing about life after the comet. Do an insight check. That's crap. Why? He can't see it. He can't see it. Nine.

I mean, 38. I can't add to what you just noticed. But yeah, there are dragons of the Barrow Steps, is what they're referred to. Hey, Queep. Hey, yeah. Hi. Will you please do a history check? Only you get to do this.

There's dragons on a show I watch. Oh yeah? What show? Sons of Anarchy. Oh, fun. 19. Is that with a history bonus of zero? My bonus is zero. Nice roll.

I watch old shows. You remember the Barrow steps were along the eastern ridge of the Rusted Mountains. Ah, okay. And that's where these dragons lived uh and you recognize from the from the latter part of the confession the printed part uh the names zetagog and havacula are are named dragons from the barrow steps zetagog i gotta say the the Baron hating me really kind of changes things

from... Havocula. Havocula. Like Havoc and Dracula. Hasselhoff isn't as big a fan of you as you are of him. Exactly. Exactly.

So yeah, he pissed off some dragons and later mentions them as having made deals with the Tenebrous one god damn writers guild strike thing with the agents affecting everything nice rolls guys that's a good thing

let's rest again take another shift we're going to have to do four shifts because everybody's staying up he Hey, yeah. Who's on watch? Take another shift. Oh, we're gonna have to do four shifts. Cause everybody's staying. Oh, I'll do the rest. Cause he's been up. He's been up and he's,

he needs rest. Okay. I'm just going to lie here and worry about money. Halcine's a perception check is a, or bonus is a three. What's yours? Okay. So she's going to roll a second time.

All right. So she just rolled a 15. The winds died down, she tells you. Okay, so at the end of this, we should try and get out of here with the wind dying down. Sure. I ask her what she thinks about the letter. It sounds like the Baron maybe was a little shady. Yeah, it definitely sounds that way. I mean, he still could have been good,

but it sounds like he made some really bad choices, TikTok. Yeah, me, it sounds like, among them. You feel bad, TikTok? I don't know. I think she would try to comfort you a little bit. I actually don't feel bad. I'm more sort of disappointed that I was putting so much weight on figuring out his deal and kind of going, putting so much weight on figuring out his deal.

And kind of going, oh, sorry, I figured out his deal. I don't know. I think more so it makes me go like, I would wait until everybody's awake. But I'd be like, I don't even know what the fuck we're supposed to do. Find these dragons, maybe. I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Where are the rusted?

The Tenebrous one, I think think is what we got to do right but it sounds like it's the most powerful thing in the world i'd wait till we're all away so the barrow steps you would know are like got it right here we just have a scene of you walking slowly um people let me tell you about my best friends. What you fellas going to do? Timer's starting. We should go down to the boat. Okay. Time boat?

Yeah, we should go down to the time boat. We're done here. So that weird interruption is because we have to do this month's may drawing this is for our stargoyle ten dollar a month tier one of you lucky listeners is going to get a little prize package sent to you in the mail thank you so much for supporting us this uh person that i just drew is named clay carver thank you clay carver. Sounds like a Marvel superhero identity. They have been our Patreon for two years. So they've been here since the beginning of our Patreon.

Congratulations. Thanks, Clay. Thanks, Clay. You open the door and it's quieter, but you hear the howling of the wind. Maybe as you fly down, maybe we could tie a rope across or something? Yeah, maybe we could tie a rope. Now, you guys only have a couple hundred feet of rope,

and it's not enough to reach all the way to the boat. There's still mists. If you peer over the edge, you don't see the boat. I thought you said it was 200 feet from boat to top. When I asked you about climbing... I thought it was more than 200 feet. I don't know. I trust you.

I trust you. Alright. Even then, your rope won't quite equal the distance. I'll have to bring everybody down. your your rope won't quite equal the distance what's all right just bring everybody down um all right everybody I'm looking at your passive perceptions and they wouldn't cut it everyone do a perception check nine eight 15 no uh 10 what house do you get uh great oh i didn't roll for her good point 38 she has a plus three to her reception but we should put uh sarah has been encouraging me to do

this for a while and i've been really uh uh cautious about doing it because i like the mystery she's been today we should post the character sheets to Patreon or something. We should consider doing that. I think people would be super into that. I'm not posting my tax returns on that. You hear in the distance TikTok through the wind. Something

large I think is coming. Are those either wings flapping or somebody snoring? Sounds like maybe giant steps. What does it sound like, Jess? Wings flapping. Fuck. Dragons. Yep.

Fuck. Back inside. Don't you watch that dragon show? Back inside. I think we're about to. That America watches. Oh, I hope I'm fire sword oh please let me be fire sword I had a pre-recorded sound here but I'm just

gonna fucking get what do you call it holy holy fully it up and gaff it up yep do an insight check axle Axel Foley. Welcome to the Foley. Come on. Don't make me roll. It's a three, Dan. Of course it's a three. Yeah, no additional insight into what the noise might be. Nice.

What are you guys going to do? I think we should go back inside right now. There is a dragon coming. All right, then. Hal Seen says, okay, just a quick reminder, everybody. We've left the Hoshinka and our chef and our weapons master down at the boat for almost 24 hours at this point. So we don't have to rush back, but they've been down there a long time. Do we try and go?

This might be awkward. Well, here's what happens. If we start to go... And she wouldn't say it quite in that friendly tone. I think she'd be more assertive. She would just be like, look, we can... Yes, you're right. Either way, I don't have a thing to contribute.

Let's say you're right and Cuckoo Bird takes you down. Suddenly the two of you are flying between the boat and us and the dragon is going to kill everybody. Well, I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to go to the boat, she says, but yes, I feel a sense of urgency about not going. 100%. However, I think our best shot is

sticking together. Okay. Yes? That's what good waffles do. Yes. Oh, Darthur, Mike. Oh, Darthur. Alright, you gonna close the door go inside what are you doing exactly cause I had you guys on the precipice of this broken wooden floor that's about

10 feet it only goes 10 feet out and then it's just open air right I mean don't you think we should go good place to be when dragons are flying around. Yeah, I mean... Well, no, we should get back inside the bubble. You've got maybe only 50 feet of visibility, and then

it's just icy mist in every direction. Alright, let's head back for the bubble, and if it doesn't come for us, we can creep back out here and try to... The bubble? Like up above deck, like you're going to run up the stairs too? Isn't that what you were saying? Back inside the ship. back inside the ship inside the shelter dirigible okay so you guys and replant sort of pack it up and head back

up into the observation deck it's still quiet okay he's not chasing us he didn't see us so there's a dragon what do do we do? That's serious shit. I think we have to sneak our way and try and take pot shots. Does anyone have any sort of a cloaking spell or distraction spells? I can send Gus out and sort of scout around and see what he

can see. Oh, by the way, I'm just trying to think of something either to lure the dragon away. That could be Gus. So then send yes and flying away from us and then we can get to the boat we could send Gus as a distraction and and I found out that he and I actually have he and I can speak to each other as long as he's within a mile of me and if he's within a hundred feet of any of you he can communicate with you telepathically so if he's close to, he can communicate with you telepathically. So if he's close to you, he can talk to you. But I can talk to him

up to a mile. Telepathically. He doesn't have to speak out loud to do it either. So why don't we send him as the bait while we get the fuck out of here. Sounds good. Gus?

Yeah? Ready to go play okay sir call me boss okay boss I agree I like the formality of that

well you know you asked for it before I'm trying to give you what you're I kind of realized like oh you asked to call me boss

I also appreciate consistency well you know good luck thank you off I go farewell I have little hands I'll open the doors with them and he flies off Well, you know, good luck. Thank you. Off I go. Farewell. I have little hands.

I'll open the doors with them. And he flies off. That guy's nuts. He, you know, he gets through one door, then a second door, then a third door, then through the outer door. And you hear the wind. And the vision fades, but you can hear his. Listen for the wings flap, Gus. Oh, I don't hear him right now.

What should I do? Should I just sort of fly around? Yeah, take a lap. Maybe make some noise. I flew around the boat, and I didn't hear anything. The sky boat. Oh, we can check on the... You flew around the sky boat?

That's what I'm calling the observational thing. It looks like a boat with a bubble on it. Right. What about the boat boat? Yeah, why don't you head downstairs? But keep an eye out, Gus. If you think you suddenly see him... Down to the boat?

Yeah, head down to the boat. But if you see the dragon, don't lure the dragon down to the boat. Okay, will you please roll a perception check for me? The DM did the last one, and he didn't roll very well. So he thought he would put your fate more in your hands. Well, that's a five, but I'm sure this dragon familiar must have a plus 20. Well, the DM rolled a one for you last time. So when I didn't notice anything around the airship, it's because I didn't see much.

There was a lot of fog. I'm going to fly down to the boat now. He flies down. Sir? Yep. I don't want to get too down to the boat now He flies down Uh sir Yep I don't want to get too close to the boat There's stuff crawling around on it When you say stuff How big what kind of stuff

Uh there's something that looks like Well a dead bright pink body With like parts coming off of it And then there's this other thing that's got like weird Like it looks like octopus hands It's the thing they were talking about the things with tentacles it was in the letter all right fuck um it's not what we've dealt with already tentacles there's two things on this boat one of them's kind of melty and the other one's got weird hands what the hell uh-oh do a stealth check who we leave on the boat uh three people hashinka the the chef and the weapons master 17 oh and this reminds me this will be like four episodes ago

uh someone was asking me someone said how come the weapons master is not helping you did i talk about this last time? Well, he rolled a bad. Well, but like someone said, why won't she do melee attacks? It's because she, I said this and I think I slurred my speech. She's her mini has an ax, but in the game she is unarmed. So it would have meant she would have to punch the frog. He missed. Someone was like, why isn't she like attacking the frog?

She didn't feel like punching it. Sounds like she, what did you roll on that stealth check? It was a 7 stealth, so that was a 23. That's stealthy. Sir? Yo. I managed to fly away, but I think it almost

hurt something, and it turned around, and I lost it. When you say it. The thing with the... Do a perception check. Perception 12. The thing that was like lumpy and pink and had parts falling off of it. All the parts fell away and it just turned into a pile. And but there was still something standing there.

It like like changed for a second. It looks scarier now, but I flew away so wouldn't keep an eye on me. Well, I think it just thought I was some hail or like a second. It looks scarier now, but I flew away so it wouldn't keep an eye on me. Well. I think it just thought I was some hail or a bird. The good news is I don't think the rush to get down to the boat is quite the same. Yeah.

The urgency on the boat. I turn to Hal Seed and go, I think you can turn off that egg timer. What do you mean, TikTok? I think everybody on that boat is dead. And I think there's a monster down there and it's coming up here. TikTok, where else are we going to go but the boat? I'm not saying we don't have to go to the boat.

I'm just saying the urgency to save lives may have um may have passed that sucks uh what did you roll on that perception check perception was 12 the stealth was 23 you didn't recognize through how far can you see through his eyes uh when it's in with 100 feet of you he can communicate telepathically so i don't think you can see his eyes farther away than that oh i don't know oh it is a mile okay he's at a mile we can communicate different rules for the pseudo dragon then there's a typical a normal find familiar it's a hundred feet but with pseudo dragon there's different rules so he's got a I gave him a link that he's pulling up right now it depends because uh i'm i want to see if you would

recognize or or if gus would recognize uh pseudo dragon has advantage on perception checks that rely in sight hearing or smell roll second time so let's see if i can beat that yeah so it's now a 16 as opposed to a 12 uh he doesn't think that either of those beings were one of your friends now turned undead. He thinks they were something else. But they're on the boat. Yeah. Yeah.

Or not on the boat anymore. Or hiding below deck. Yeah, they're either hiding or... All right. So what are you going to do? You guys are just hiding in a boat now. You're hiding in the observation. Well. Waiting for hiding in the observation. Well.

Waiting for everyone to go away. Is there any way for us to move down there on Maya? And thus the legend of the Ice Five ended. With our heroes hiding like a bunch of babies. As the monsters flew around them in circles. We got to go down. And it has to be him plus somebody. Unless there's another way out that we can climb down. We haven't seen the monster.

No, we don't know what. No, but there's other things. We think it's a joke. You know of two things on deck and there was a whooshing noise when you were on the deck. Can Gus scout a way down that's not flying? I mean, I'm happy to fly people down. I just don't want to risk.

Remember when I rolled a one and I did the perception check when he flew around the observation yeah roll a second time because he had advantage for that one yeah do uh you didn't do much better that was a seven i don't know what the addition is it's probably not great you have to beat it 12 so it's possible is it plus uh perceptor plus three sorry yeah he comes back empty on that and in that retcon that was useless uh yep anyway back as you were uh you're you're you're just what at the top of the stairwell near the observation deck i mean if we want to get down there and kill those monsters he he should take probably dark third okay and the two of you well i mean meanwhile the three of us can try and figure out a way to get ourselves down

there uh but at least the two of you could have some kind of ambush on the two things that are on the boat but we're gonna have to split up for this uh yeah so during the week dan gave me a I hadn't had a range weapon before but I needed one since I am a ranger so I don't really fly well I have I officially have a longbow and 20 arrows

I wish we could retcon it for like the Froghemoth fight but yeah like as a basic ranger courtesy the player's handbook tells you you should have a longbow he has a longbow oh okay okay so uh i didn't give it to him because i hadn't read that but i went i went back and like a generous dungeon master realized he should have that as basic equipment because i was yeah i was like it's a it's called a ranger he doesn't have a ranged weapon i'm doing something. So how are you carrying me?

Under your arms. Okay. Unless you have a different plan. Just to be safe, maybe you should nestle your testicles across his face. Oh, or just on the back of his neck. Are you talking about

we still playing the game? I thought we were talking about... We're playing a whole new game, baby. Wow. You got Sam with that one. This game rules. Roll for plus three Arab strap. I'm just trying to think of how I'm going to

if I can fire as he's getting me close and there's a lot of fog right yeah he said so if you're quiet you should be able to at least have some kind of ambush alright I'm going to ask you to do both the stealth and the athletics check

you can do a perception if you're trying to ready a ranged attack as you fly in to do both the stealth and the athletics check. All right. You can do a perception if you're trying to hit... Ready a ranged attack as you fly in. Okay, first I'll do stealth? Yep, stealth first. Thirteen. Okay, so this will be, you know... Fairly.

Better than terrible. Yes. And then... Athletics to carry Darkthor, who is on the lighter side in your party. Okay, that's good. Yeah, he's a little more lean than say like tiktok 14 i'm glad that you waited till the wind died down you get you

get you get uh let's say within um 100 feet of the boat uh and you uh would you roll the perception i gotta roll again okay go for it roll again what are you rolling again for because i And you... Would you roll the perception? I gotta roll again. Okay, go for it. Roll again? What are you rolling again for? Because I forgot exactly how low it was. 15.

You see something moving on deck. You see one thing moving on the deck of the boat. The boat seems intact. The sail seems intact. But there's something. A being moving. How big? intact. The sail seems intact. But there's something. A being moving. How big? You're about 100 feet away. It's humanoid sized.

Okay. Do I see it too? Perception check. I'll tell you. Yeah. Yeah. You see it. It looks like thick blue and red smoke in the shape of a human.

What the fuck? It's living cotton candy. These creatures are shoving these crystals into their bodies, and it's turning them into goofball monsters. Because I imagine I'm carrying them with my feet. You have to declare that now. You're trying to keep your hands free? Yeah.

Because I've got the wings for flying the feet for carrying and the hands for firing. Can mom do like a cupid's bow and arrow y'all? I'm going to fire at the thing. It's time to put the boat out, everybody. In range.

Put the boat out. The time boat. They're like Uggs. You asked me. Uggs. They feel like Uggs. Oh, nice. You can tell it's expensive, but it's nice.

Yeah. Oh, interesting. This is hard to hook up with. And hip a while ago. Hmm? Hip a couple of years ago. Yeah, yeah. Everybody still see him at auditions and stuff like that.

Okay. Wayne! You know, when I get thirsty, I think to myself, what could I use? Then I remember my body is 97% water, but not just any water. BF Goodwater. BF Goodwater. Goodwater makes good you. Gotta get a picture of this.

That's a sighting. We got a high angle if we're shooting down from. You should take that photo. Why? Because you're the photo director, Kat. Be the photo director. Director. You see on the edge the boat walking facing this.

What the fuck? What the hell is that? It's like Kristar and Moltar in one gun. Yeah, it's like elemental giant. Alright. Firing at it. You're firing? Yeah. I'm going to need you to do an athletics check

to try not to drop Dargther. Okay. How about I drop you, Dargther? Try. Actually, wait, wait, wait. We're going to retcon that roll. Okay. Both you boys do an initiative, please.

Oh, yeah. Good idea. Uh-oh. Is Terry on the boat? Is he safe? Terry did not say. I rolled a three, so. 27.

Terry is locking the hole. What have I gotten myself into? This was much ahead of mine. Would it like to have saved my crit for something where it was critical? You know what? Maybe if you didn't roll it, you weren't going to roll it later either. Exactly. Yeah, what Blaine said.

Yep. 19. That's pretty good. Then what was it longbow oh yeah that is a hit cool

so what do I roll for damage to d8 plus your dexterity okay right because it's a long range weapon it would be dexterity. Okay. Right? Because it's a long range weapon, Dan. It would be dexterity instead of strength. De-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de- you're starting that next the next month on broadway right i went to high school put 1d8 i took drama put 1d8 piercing on your uh never in a million years that i would hear that

what is 1d8 piercing on your sheets you don't forget 1d8 plus decks whatever your decks bonus is Hungry? Try beef. Pounds and pounds of beef. Brought to you by the Pounds of Beef Council. Play your damage, too. What's your damage? Okay. What was it? 1d8 plus 2? Plus dex. uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh lodges in this thing. You see it pivot in your direction,

and then it goes and disappears. Oh, good. We killed him. We won. Okay. We won dragons and dungeons today. Roll credits. Let's have some falafel.

Hey, everybody. We're all going to get laid. Any way you want. That's the way you need it. Any way you want. That's the way you need it. Any way you want it. What a great adventure. Those are actually two separate scenes.

He plays it the way you want it earlier in the movie, but at the end when he says we're all gonna get laid, I'm alright comes on. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip.

Queep, do an insight. Or what's your passive insight? Tell me your passive insight. Rick of the Edmund Fitzgerald. 13. Yeah, do an insight. Or does it come back on? Hey everybody, we're all going to get laid. Time after time.

Yeah, that would be terrible. You know what I will get? I will get you. Two things happening at once and listeners hear neither. Okay, so 19. Insight. You see the arrow that Dargzer fires

off smack into this thing. The way it pivots, it seems aware that it was hit from something in your direction. And there's just a second where it seems to lock on to you guys before it disappears. You're up. I don't like the word lock on to you guys before it disappears. You're up. I don't like the words

lock on. I'm going to try to land us on the boat. You get halfway there this turn. And then Darkthor is up. Keep him up on the pedestal still. But you're now 50 feet away.

All right. What are you going to do, Darkthor? Do I see him? Do a perception check. Just a 12. You don't see anything. I'm sure it's fine so are we still advancing yeah you're trying to get us down to the boat yeah you're halfway down you can do what's called holding your action to just don't take an action

until you're yeah let's hold it okay same thing yes all right you guys unless we see something please we'll. With your passive perception, neither of you are going to see anything. Got it. We're good. Oh, boy. Blaine. Hey, everybody. We're all going to get laid.

Cats in the cradle in the silver spoon. That's not what I expected. Little boy blue in the cradle in the silver spoon little boy blue and the man in the moon when you coming home son I don't know when so you're gonna land right on top of where it was you're not gonna

who put those there is that where it was let's go you guys land you place darkthrow and then what? Land there-ish? Yeah. All right.

You see Darkthrow, your arrow laying on the ground. The arrow's laying on the ground? Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. Let's go to the free bowl of soup. Oh, you look good. Perception. Do it, roll it 14

The floor of the ship is icy and wet Oops Icy and wet at the same time He ran into my bar. It's slushy. Want to go below deck and see if we can find those guys? Yeah.

Okay, so you guys are going to walk over there? Yeah, see if we can find whoever we left on here. You guys march over to the door below deck, which is the front of that bulkhead underneath the sail. When you go there, the door is locked from the inside. Okay. Open up. It's us.

Guys. You notice, by the way, there's perception checks from both you gents. I don't notice anything. What are the two? 17. Nice.

There's blood smeared on the ground leading up to the door. That's probably good. God. Yeah, I think... We're all gonna die. All our friends are dead. On the boat um when you knocked on the door and said let us in uh-huh uh you hear noises inside when you do that but nothing happens

i think it's uh check the door oh it's it's locked, right? Yeah, it's locked. I don't feel safe on this boat. And everybody else is upstairs. You know there's a few rooms below deck. There's sleeping quarters for everybody, and then there's a kitchen and a dining room. That's it. We got to discover.

Do you want to bust the door open? It's D&D, yeah. yeah yeah let's bust the door open you're gonna bust it or pick the lock pick the lock yeah that's quite sure okay all right let's slight a hand check baby which one he's doing it it might be unlike last uh last campaign bonus what's your what's your oh yeah you do it you open that thing uh five all right nope can't jam it with that i'll try it 15 uh oh boy all right it's open do you get you yeah you and you do this with just you know basic stuff that you have this isn't even a thief this isn't a complicated, it's open. Yeah, and you do this with just basic stuff that you have.

This isn't even a thief, so this isn't a complicated lock. Okay, it's just a lock. You pop it open, and the lock is now unlocked. What next? Slowly open the door. I'm going to go in just like tactical style, like hugging the walls and moving slow and kind of checking things out open the door and kind of checking their stairs that lead down right yeah you see as you open the door the blood smear continues across the first step down the second step and down

the bottom and it leads into the shadows just past the steps. Okay. I'm going to follow the wall and the blood. Okay. Follow the blood but tuck into the wall. Okay. As you head down you see a long sword very carefully pointed

and you hear in undercommon Doxa, is that you? Yeah. Shut the door. Shut the door. Shut the door now. I'll shut the door behind us. I shut it. Okay. You head down there and you see

Hoshinka is sort of like in a defensive stance. On the ground is a very heavily wounded jonkel. It looks like his leg got ripped open. Oh no! He has two hit points.

Yeah, he's looking real bad. Oh no! Hoshinka says, I've stabilized him, but he is in a very bad way. Also, Ma is knocked unconscious. She is in her quarters right now.

Great. There are beasts I have attempted to keep out, but they are above deck and they are hunting us. We shot at one and then he disappeared. He was blue and red. We're here to help and the other guys are on their way. You took, I presume, the magical precautions to keep them from following you

because you know they are both capable of materializing and dematerializing into different forms, yes? No. Strange, strange. As you say this. What were we supposed to do? You see coming out of the walls on either side of you. What?

Jesus. These two guys. Okay. Initiative. That'll be the end of the episode. Damn it. Really? Yeah, that's an hour, you guys.

But feel free to look at which fucking company. Let's fight. That thing looks like a problem. Wow, look at that thing. What is that? That's a choker. It looks like a cover of an old EC comic. Oh, this is the pink thing?

Listeners at home would like to look up on D&D Beyond what these two are. It is a choker and a blister coil weird. Is that the blister coil weird? That's a blister coil weird. It that the blister coil weird? That's a blister coil weird. It looks like a... I don't know. It looks like a Basil Overton illustration. He's called a blister coil weird?

It's like Mr. Fantastic has octopus hands. We're in a weird place, too, where two of you went into combat with some NPCs. We really split the party. We're going to have to... That's okay. There's a dragon eating us up we're gonna pick up you know i'll make a deal with with um blaine and chris and uh hopefully sarah

uh we'll we're gonna start with your point of view next episode back up on the deck this is fascinating i'm very curious sure although i know these guys are hungry to fight we need to catch up Although I know these guys are hungry to fight. We need to catch up. Yeah, yeah. We're not hungry to fight. Fight, fight. So, hey, Sam, what do you think just happened? Oh, I'll tell you.

Right, we're guarding and taking turns sleeping because this game can't be action all the time. Fuck, Billy's energy is so weird. Are we looking for dragons? They're like big birds. There's a boat. There's a lumpy pile in the boat. There's a dude made of smoke.

And we shot an arrow at the guy made of smoke for some reason. And it worked. I don't get this game. We jumped on the boat. We picked a lock. And we followed the blood. And Jonkel is such a funny name. Near Mint for merch.

Patreon to support us and receive bonuses. BrianPassane.com for tour dates. Thanks for listening. Yeah, thanks, guys. And thanks for listening. Yeah. Oh, you know what? I'm going to actually, this is going to be end of May, right?

Mm-hmm. Yes. Oh, my Farmers Only will be up by then, so check me out. I'll be headlining flappers in beautiful Burbank, California next month, so check out them ticks. Nice. Check out them ticks. Ticks. Nervous ticks. I'm done.

Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.

Oh! Man Butler. I liked nerdpoker before it got political. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was getting so boring. No, you weren't. Oh, why don't you suck my dick then? Yay!

Go ahead and mark that. Let's take a look at the tote board. Wow, it is $128,000. Oh, okay. Without headphones, I don't hear anything that Blaine says like under 10 decibels. He's right in my ear. People let me tell you about my headphones.

I don't hear that. I see his mouth. That's right.